Giving Gifts From The Heart

Hey, thanks for coming. Welcome to the Love Shack.

Hey, welcome to the Love Shack. A little old place where we can get together and explore fresh perspectives, eavesdrop on juicy conversations and uncover mysteries that nobody talks about but absolutely influences our relationships. If you are struggling in your marriage, just starting out in a new relationship, or are single and looking to do better next time, this is the show for you. My name is Stacey Bartley and I am here with my co host and lover Tom. Together for the past decade, we've been teaching and loving on people from around the world with the support purpose of helping individuals and couples to love more and fear less in their relationships, both with themselves and others.

Quick shout out to our podcast listeners. We go live every Thursday at 1pm on KKNW up in Seattle. I share that with you in case you ever want to catch us live, please, please do so and join us and wherever you are today we take. We. Excuse me, we appreciate taking time and being with us today.

Yes, absolutely. Today we're going to be talking about giving gifts from the heart. I know for myself, as the song goes, it's the most wonder time of the year and I find myself in moments of going, really, that might be.

A stretch for all of us this year for sure.

Perhaps, like me, you're doing your best to sing along as you try and get into the spirit of the holidays. But let's be honest, this year has been sobering, hasn't it? It has such a sobering feel to it and we've faced some pretty big stuff this year. I mean, it really doesn't get more real than confronting the reality that life and love can be taken from us. And it's been so in our face. So it seemed like to me the perfect time to invite our dear friend Sheri Ballew, author of say it now, to join us this week inside of the Love Shack. Sherry will be sharing gifts and ideas that we can give from our hearts. This season she's going to share with us some fresh ideas about how we can simply and easily let those around us know how much they mean to us. Get ready to experience some feel good inspiration and unique ideas. To say it now, I mean, after all, if not now, when? We'll be right back.

Are you tired of sitting on a couple's counselor's couch and feeling like you're just rehashing the past and making no progress? Do you feel like you're holding on to your relationship but panicked you're losing your partner? It's time to learn how to deepen your connection. Finally resolve the arguments that keep coming up. Understand yourself and your partner and create the level of intimacy you've been dreaming of. It's time for love to tingle your toes again. Schedule your private session with relationship expert stacey bartley@staceybartley.com checkup. Do you feel like your love life is on life support? It's time for a turbocharged relationship resuscitation with an alternative to marriage counseling. Head over to staceybartley.com to learn more about their proprietary programs their clients use to save their relationships. S T A C I B A R T L e y visit staceybartley.com today.

Ready to learn the most important thing you can do to revitalize your relationship today? Go to stacybartley.com fairydust stacybartly.com fairydust this is the number one thing Stacy teaches her VIP clients that has the power to improve the health of your relationship to today Learn how sprinkling a little fairy dust in your relationship can stop arguments in their tracks, Rekindle your spark and take your difficult conversations from the struggle bus to easy street.

Do you find yourself attempting to get your point across to friends and family and notice their feelings become hurt instead? Do you tend to feel misunderstood and taken for granted the majority of the time? Instead of listening to others in a conversation, do you find yourself formulating your next response to prove your point? Are you having a difficult time showing up to say anything but you think about doing it a lot? When we feel like we are being the jerk or the doormat in our relationships, we tend to criticize ourselves harshly. The reality is we've never been taught how to share ourselves effectively with those who we care about and love. Your skills as a salesperson, master negotiator, or expert debater will only lead you into a fight. Matters of the heart require different skills. For a limited time, get half off the regular price of a communications workshop designed to help you gain the understanding and skills you need to navigate through your communications with others, giving you the ability and experience to feel heard, appreciated, and a sense that you matter to the people you care about the most. Get all the juicy details@staceybartley.com communication easy.

On the ears, good for the soul. Alternative Talk 1150.

Welcome back. Today we have got such a great show for you. We have our dear friend Sherry Reichert Belew, creator of so Simply Celebrate. She has a business that's dedicated to helping people turn moments into gifts. Isn't that so cool? And she's also the author of say it 33 creative ways to say I love you to the most important people in your life. She's also a high performance certified coach who one of our favorite people, Brendan Burchard and Sherry supports people in living their best lives, full of joy, success, engagement, and in meaningful relationships. We are so delighted to have her on the show. This is the perfect moment for this conversation, I believe. Sheri, welcome to our show. It's such a gift and such an honor to have you here.

Oh, Tom and Stacey, I just love you too. I love your work. I love what you do. I'm completely honored to be here.

Thank you, Sheri. We so adore you as well. And right now in this moment, the holidays are upon us and many of us are currently in gift giving mode. Right? I know for myself and my neighbors and my friends and even my daughters. Thinking about grandkids, we're all kind of a little panicked about.

You could almost bring in like the Jaws song now, right, Eric? You had that. No, just kidding, Eric.

And in this panic and in this anxiety, you know, I feel it too. Like, gosh, you know, we know we have a sense that this year is maybe going to be a little different than years past. And there's this little bit of anxiety that starts to creep up for me. I'm not gonna lie.

I love it. Let me give a shout out to our producer Eric in the studio up in Seattle. Bless your heart. That was awesome.

And what if amongst all this anxiety, we were to just take a breath for a minute and let me ask you, our listeners, right? When was the last time that you received a gift that really touched your heart? Or maybe you gave a gift that really touched somebody's heart? When was that? Where is there space and time for that? Imagination and contemplation, perhaps a gift that really caused you to feel seen, appreciated, even loved. I know for myself, when I ask myself this question, the first thing that pops into my mind is a hand drawn cutout diorama that my son made for me out of plain white, white paper. It makes me teary every time. Of course, I'm a crier. Anyway, the scene was that he and I were drawn on this white piece of paper. And when you pull the little string, the hand drawn character is embraced. And as he pulled the string for me, he simply said, mom, I love you. And of course, then I cried like I am now. And I still have this little diorama all these years later. And I think that's a gift I've never forgotten. So, Sheri, I know that your work is in helping others to create moments just like this. Right. In these simple little ways. I have to begin by asking you share with us in the audience your beautiful story of what got you inspired to do this work that's so important.

Stacy, first of all, oh my gosh, I too am teary hearing about that. I think that's the thing about gifts like that. They're just completely about love and we all feel it. So thank you. That was beautiful.

Yeah.

Well, and I'll just briefly say, because as you two know, I always start any sort of talk by letting people know that my company is called Simply Celebrate. And often people think I'm one of those naturally happy people who just bounce out of bed and my house is full of confetti. And the truth of it is I, when I was a young woman, I was suicidal. I was so filled with self judgment and I could never live up to the expectations of who I thought I should be and how I should be. And I had all these ideas about my life that didn't feel like they were panning out. And I was so fortunate that I was led to a meditation class. And I'm going to skip over a whole big part after that because just for the sake of time. But, but that meditation class led me to really appreciate the moment and to really understand that I could find singular moments of well being and peace and love. And that became my mission when I made the very, very definite commitment to stay on this planet as long as I was healthy and I could be here, that I was going to not only, you know, find those pinpricks of light, you know, rather than what had felt to me was like this, this iron wall closing in on me was how the visualized, you know, it just felt like that to me. And a moment of well being is like a pinprick of light or a moment of love. And so I just began very intentionally to dedicate myself to finding, creating those pinpricks of light for myself and for everyone I come into contact with.

Oh, and I love how you describe that as the pin prick, right. That lets a little bit of light in. I think when we really start to get panicked, right, in life and we contemplate maybe, you know, taking some action as removing myself from the planet, it's usually coming from a place, from unresolved. It's like I have no options. There's no doors that are opening. I feel like I'm stuck, right. And my imagination can't take me anywhere else. And every door I try and walk through is closed and. And every road or decision or turn I try and make right? I'm stuck. And I guess this is it, right? And many of us, I think, feel that way right now as we're looking at the holidays where we've tried so many times to make some extra money, or we've tried so many times to get out and about, and yet those traditional things that we've done in the past to put that pin prick of light in our lives is all is taken away. And it's like we have to kind of step into our imagination right now, don't you think, and explore maybe some things of play and novelty. And of course, what we're going to talk about is gift giving in a whole new way. And if we can allow and appreciate our imagination to take us places that perhaps we've never imagined before, then there's that little pin prick, right? And I know you do so many other pin pricks. You have so many things to share with us, I'm sure, about all the ways we can. But you know, that that really comes to my. We forget that our imagination can take us places when we're feeling stuck in that place. And it's so challenging sometimes to access that. Right? Just a little bit of play or a little bit of novelty or a little bit of sharing ourselves with somebody else in that moment of connection can change everything and bring in that little pin prick of light.

Oh, Stacy. So beautifully said. And I think something very important to say right here at this juncture is that oftentimes people might feel like they have to already be feeling love or light or that possibility or to feel that sense of imagination before they can create something for someone else. And the real trick to all of this is that it's in the process of doing this that then we feel lit up ourselves, that then we feel the creativity and the light. And so I always like to remind people of that, you know, you don't have to be in a particular space. In fact, this is one of the things that truly saved my life, was creating these one of a kind, meaningful, creative kinds of gifts of love and energy.

Expand on that for us a little bit. Sheri, tell us right now why gifts of this kind in this time are so perfect for right now. Why do we need them so much? Yeah.

Well, you two know that one of my favorite gifts that I've probably given hundreds of is called a love list. And it's very simply a brainstorm list of specific reasons we love someone. And I can go more into that In a little bit, if you guys want to.

But for now, in fact, we want you to walk us through one. We want to help our listeners do that. Right.

Yeah, I want to do that, too. So the thing is, when I was making the choice to stay here on this planet, but of course, still feeling lost, often in the depression and the despair, what I would do is I would make a love list for someone. And I found that when I was immersed in love for someone, when I was focused on specific reasons why I love someone, specific memories of times that we laugh together, I was not depressed. I was uplifted in those moments. And it became one of the biggest methods of healing that I discovered in my life. And that's just on my side of it, you know, and we're not even talking yet about what happens for someone else when they receive a list of reasons why they matter, a list of how they're seen, a list of how they're loved, that, you know, how that heals somebody else.

Yeah. Not to be cliche, Sherry, but, you know, every time I hear your story, it's so inspiring because it's the absolute confirmation that both recipients are incredibly blessed. You know, you as the creator and the giver and as the receiver. I mean, I think. Think about it. When is the last time any of us has received something that we're going to walk through this? Because Sherry's done this with us before. It's incredibly powerful. But, I mean, we don't often receive in our everyday lives or even in the holiday times, these types of gifts. I know. Real quick story. I'll make it. Really? Sure. I gave my mom a collage many years later in my life of all the things she had sent me earlier in my life, very significant things that she had shared with me. And then I put them together, took some time and gave that to her. And it was life changing for me and life changing for her. I mean, and it would always be in her office when I used to go back and visit her. I mean, it was very significant. And she said, as a parent, that you just don't often know when you share something, what the impact is with your child or your loved one was an incredible confirmation that those things that she chose to share with me really meant something to her and to me as well. To me. Excuse me. And then I, you know, really the awesome classic Everybody. It's a raising a vibration with everybody.

Oh, Tom, that is beautiful. It is. So. And, yeah, I call it the circle of giving, because there's not a beginning and an end. There's not a receiver and a giver. It's just this circle of love that goes round and round. And as you can see with that gift you gave your mom, that I'm sure that circle has gone around and around many times. Every time you see it, every time she sees it, you talk to us about it. And I feel that love. I don't even know your mom. It doesn't matter, right? That gift touches my heart.

That's so profound, isn't it, that it's kind of like that little ripple that we talk about in so many ways that goes out and you don't know where it's going to take you, right? And we do become, right, touched by other people's stories, even though we weren't the ones right there to receive it, or we don't even know the person, but the actual story of it makes me think, oh, there's that humanness in us all again, right?

Yes.

And so, as we know, these are also human, these things that we talk about right now. And I don't know, honestly, a human being on the planet who deep, deep down inside doesn't long for something like this, because I know that there are three primary needs we all have as a human being. And everything that we do in our lives, from the fight, right, from everything that we experience as a human being is drawn by these three principles. And these human needs are, first, I need to feel like I am heard, that what I have to say, that my perspective is valued and important. And the second need that I have as a human being is that I need to feel appreciated. I need to feel acknowledged, that my presence here, my worth here, what I do, how I see it, has an appreciation value. I need to feel acknowledged and validated. Last one is maybe an extension of the second, which is I need to feel like I matter, that I matter to me, that I matter to the people around me, that I matter to the planet, that I matter. And it's fascinating when I do the work that I do, that I see every fight, right? Every upset, every defense mechanism, every disappointment comes down to, at the core of it all, these three things. And I think that's what makes gifts from the heart so powerful, because I get to see that I'm seen. I get to see that I matter to somebody, that somebody sees those things inside of me that I want to be true. But maybe sometimes I have a difficult time accepting, right? Like the gift with my son, right? To know that he loved me and that he would take the time, effort, and energy as a little guy to draw that out and cut it, right? And make it so it moved. It's moments like that where. And it's so simple, right? Or Tom's collage, or all the many things that you have created and done for the people in your life and that have been done for you. And so the question that I have in saying this and knowing this right, in our hearts and in our minds is, then let's have a conversation about what stops us from doing it, because so many of us here are going to hear what we're saying, and our hearts are going to get touched and. And we're going to feel inspired. And then knowing what I know about human behavior, there's going to be this conversation that goes off like, oh, I can't do that. Oh, they would never. They would never appreciate it. Or, oh, I mean, could I. Could I really go there? I mean, could I, like, really do that? And. And yet I'm longing for it, right? I'm like, oh, that would be so great if my. My child, my lover, my dear friend, my mother, my sister. I mean, anybody. Anybody that I feel deeply connected to gave me something like that that would mean the world to me. And yet, a. I'm never going to ask. I'm never going to disclose that. Hey, you know what I really like this year? All right. What do you want for Christmas? I'd really like a heartfelt gift from you. Do we have that conversation? No, we don't. And yet we're all longing for it, especially right now, right? And so I would love for us, when we come back from a break, to talk about what stops us. Why don't we do more of this? Yes, I'd love your thoughts on that, Sheri. We'll be right back.

Are you tired of sitting on a couple's counselor's couch and feeling like you're just rehashing the past and making no progress? Do you feel like you're holding on to your relationship but panicked you're losing your partner? It's time to learn how to deepen your connection. Finally resolve the arguments that keep coming up. Understand yourself and your partner and create the level of intimacy you've been dreaming of. It's time for love to tingle your toes again. Schedule your private session with relationship expert stacey bartley@staceybartley.com. Do you feel like your love life is on life support? It's time for a turbocharged relationship resuscitation with an alternative to marriage counseling. Head over to staceybartley.com to learn more about their proprietary programs their clients use to save their relationship. S-T-A C I B A R T L E Y.com Visit staceybartley.com today.

Ready to learn the most important thing you can do to revitalize your relationship today? Go to stacybartley.com fairydust staceybartley.com fairydust this is the number one thing Stacy teaches her VIP clients that has the power to improve the health of your relationship.

Today.

Learn how sprinkling a little fairy dust in your relationship can stop arguments in their tracks, Rekindle your spark and take your difficult conversations from the struggle bus to easy street.

Do you find yourself attempting to get your point across to friends and family and notice their feelings become hurt and sad instead? Do you tend to feel misunderstood and taken for granted the majority of the time? Instead of listening to others in a conversation, do you find yourself formulating your next response to prove your point? Are you having a difficult time showing up to say anything but you think about doing it a lot? When we feel like we are being the jerk or the doormat in our relationships, we tend to criticize ourselves harshly. The reality is we've never been taught how to share ourselves effectively with those who we care about and love. Your skills as a salesperson, master negotiator, or expert debater will only lead you into a fight. Matters of the heart require different skills for a limited time, get half off the regular price of a communications workshop designed to help you gain the understanding and skills you need to navigate through your communications with others, giving you the ability and experience to feel heard, appreciated, and a sense that you matter to the people who you care about the most. Get all the juicy details@staceybartley.com communication find.

Our app in the Apple App Store or Google Play Store and take us with you wherever you go. Alternative Talk AM 1150.

Hey, welcome back. If you're just jumping on by chance, we are having a wonderful conversation with Simply Celebrate Sheri Belou. We've been talking about these incredible gifts that make our hearts sing, right? I mean, we all kind of long for them. We imagine maybe receiving something that causes me to feel seen and heard and maybe appreciated. But those that love me the most know that I matter or that I know I matter to them. And so I asked the question before break to Sherry what stops us, right? If we all long for it and we all right, want to receive something like that, then why is it so hard and so very uncommon for us to maybe make a gift from the heart instead of Maybe run down and purchase something from the store. Not that that's a bad thing. Right? It's not at all. Anytime there's a gift that's given or an exchange. Right. There's something really touching about that. But being able to give it truly from the heart is something that is really hard for us as human beings. And so, Sherry, I would love your thoughts on that a little bit. Let's unpack that.

Yeah.

Thank you. Awesome question, Stacy, because I feel like this is so key and. And there are sort of four big things that I think can get in the way. And I'll just go over them really quickly because people can see if any of them relate to them.

Love it.

One thing is waiting for a better time. Waiting for a better occasion. Oh, I'll wait till his 70th birthday. I'll wait till they get married. There's this sense of over thereness about it, and hence my book title, say it Now.

Right.

That we don't know. We don't know how much time we have. And we can give these gifts for all occasions. So that's the first one. And just jump in if you guys want to.

Well, and I would say for no occasion at all.

Oh, yes, good one. Yes.

A few weeks ago. A few weeks ago, we had our dear friend Grover Lee. He's a winemaker, and we were creating some romantic moments. And it was so cute because he said, I have people come in and spend money on a bottle of wine and they'll say, o, save this for a special occasion. And he says, you know, like Tuesday night at dinner.

Yes, yes. I'm so glad you jumped in with that because, yes, it's always an occasion to love someone. Right. And well enough.

I think this year has taught us anything. Is. Isn't life love? And life is precious? Like, can it get any more precious than what we're dancing with right now? And that every moment and every opportunity to tell somebody that they're important to us or that we value them is such a great moment. Right. And a lot of the communication frameworks, I'll just throw this out there. Begin with what I call fairy dust. And fairy dust is exactly that. It's saying, hey, you know, we might need to have a conversation about something that's challenging us. But I just want you to know before we get started, I love you. This relationship is important to me. You're important to me. And here's what I have to say about that. And it's such a perfect groundwork, right. To lay to kind of Keep us engaged with each other, take a breath. We got this, right? And I think these kinds of gifts from the heart are the same thing, right. To just finally, like you said, take that moment to say what we need to say. And any good time is to do it. But holidays, perfect. When we don't know what else to do. Perfect. Let's do that.

I love it. I love it. And just one quick added thing to that is that.

Yeah.

That, you know, we can send these gifts, even if they're quote, unquote, holiday gifts. You know, send them anytime. Encourage a person to open them anytime. I do think that that's part of it. Often I will send people birthday presents, you know, two weeks after their birthday when all the other hoopla's over, you know, and they think that it's done, you know, so. Yeah. I love that you brought that, Stacy.

Well, that ends so brilliant, what you just said, right. Instead of. Instead of getting into the actual day, the thought of somebody thinking about you when maybe nobody else is right.

Exactly. Yeah.

That's profound. And so what's the second way that we get stopped? Right. That we get stuck in our tracks of maybe wanting to do this? But, Josh, we just can't allow ourselves to go there.

I think that a huge one for a lot of people, and this was certainly something that I've been practicing all my life, which is vulnerability. And I know you two deal with this a lot in relationship, right. This is a classic. We're not really taught in our culture how to be vulnerable and how to just let that quote, unquote uncomfortable feeling of vulnerability be okay. Because it's a way that I'm always looking at, like, I call it expanding the container of love. And in doing that, it's going to feel uncomfortable. So I think that that's something that will often stop people in their tracks, like, oh, this feels too much.

Gosh.

And let's. Why does it feel uncomfortable? Because we don't do it.

Right.

That's the only reason it feels uncomfortable. That's it, Stacy. It's something new. It's something different. And when this conversation comes up in my work, right. And people go, oh, I don't know if I can do that. I say, what takes more personal power? If we're going to go there, if we're going to talk about strength instead of vulnerability, then let's go there. What's more powerful, Right? Just reacting. Just reacting to whatever's going on around you or stopping yourself or actually saying what you need to say. Being vulnerable, sharing Yourself with somebody else. Tell me which one takes more power, more courage, more strength. And I'm going to tell you it's vulnerability. So don't tell me that being vulnerable takes, takes too much power. That's not powerful at all. Being vulnerable is powerful. Reacting and not saying what you need to say. Right. That's the easiest thing in the world. That doesn't take any strength at all. Right. And I think the only reason why we feel uncomfortable with it is like I just said, we don't do it. And I promise you, the more you do it, the better you feel. And the better you feel, the more strength you have, the more expansion you have. And then you more you want to do it. Right. The more you know that's a go to. The more you realize the power and the strength of that in your own life. Just like I was saying with fairy dust, it comes up all the time. Oh, I can't do that until you do it. And then it becomes this mainstay skill in a couple's life or a parent's life with their children.

And you know, we, Stacy and I, in our body of work, we talk, we talk and mentor and teach about this all the time. For some reason there seems to be a disconnect that we, in our body of work, we call this emotional weightlifting. And it's just like if you go to the gym or you do things at your home and you do repetitions, things that your body hasn't done before and why it's the exact same thing. This is a skill based journey.

So drop and give me an emotional push up. For goodness sakes. Make a love list. Make a gosh darn love list. Drop and give me a couple. It's going to feel so good and you're going to feel so much stronger and confident and be filled with self esteem. Right. I, I just think that's the way through. But we don't talk about those things.

You two are amazing. I love that. I love that.

All right. That gotcha.

All right, well, let's go on because we want to make sure we get to the actually making a love list.

I have one more question for you though, before we jump into the love list because this is the other fear that I just want to vet out. Okay?

Absolutely, absolutely.

The last. What if it's received poorly? What if it's received in a way that somebody goes, oh well, where's my apple watch? Right. Or what do you have as far as advice to kind of put that fear to bed as well?

Yeah. So one of the things in my own personal experience and in working with and coaching people on this for many, many years, one of the biggest things that I have seen is that sometimes in the moment of receiving such a gift that just like it can be hard to offer a gift like this, it can be hard to receive one. But that doesn't mean, and I know you guys know this, right? It doesn't mean that it isn't the right gift or meaningful gift or an impactful gift. It just means that the person on the other side might be feeling uncomfortable because they're not used to being seen and loved and appreciated and we're not taught how to, how to really be with that.

So true.

Yeah, I often, I mean, I've had gifts that, you know, some gifts it's taken me a couple days to fully receive. Some gifts it's taken me a couple decades to fully receive. And I, believe me, I have sent thank you notes for gifts that people gave me decades ago. Oh my gosh. I really understand what this is, you know, and I think that we have to remember the real definition of a gift.

Right.

It is a giving from the heart. It doesn't have anything to do with a response that we expect or that we want.

Oh, I love that you brought that up. That's so profound in so many ways. The first thing I do, I go to is, you know what? It's true sometimes because we, we are get all bottled up in this conversation of vulnerability and we don't realize it's our power, it's our strength, right. That that's the way through so many difficult things with inside of ourselves as well as with others, that when I give a gift like that, it throws off that same place of vulnerability inside of me. Right. Some of the most crusty, cantankerous, angry, ornery people in the world are the squishiest on the inside. Otherwise, why the need for the crusty exterior? Why there would be no need for it, right? And so these were the, you know, typically the people that maybe we second guess giving a gift like this to, right? For the reason that we're talking about, what if it's received poorly and there's this disappointment, and yet it's okay for them to gruff that when you give it, give it and let it go. Because those same people are also the ones after the party, right. Or sitting in their office crying because they finally feel seen for the first time. Don't let the initial reaction stop you. Right. For letting it work its magic. I promise you. Right. That human Experience are those three things. And I don't care how you show up in the world. I need to feel heard, I need to feel appreciated, and I need to feel like I matter. Right. So we know it's going to be touching. Right. It might just take a minute. And the other thing that you said that I just really want to emphasize and put an exclamation point on here for our listeners, is that you don't waste or you don't run out of time to send a thank you note. I love that. That you could maybe send two or three or four. What if every time you saw the gift, like, you know, even the example I gave with my son, what if I were to pull out a thank you note right now and thank him again for that gift and let him know I still think about it and it still touches me. Wouldn't we all love to receive something like that?

Stacy, I love that you know this because you have my book. Like, that's one of the gifts in my book. And, you know, it might sound like what, that's not a gift, but it is amazing. Like, yeah, I mean, if we all thought about that, like, I often will walk around the house and see things to write thank you notes for that I received 20 years ago. And I think it's just, it's a simple, simple act of love. But wow, you know, it makes people feel appreciated.

Well, and I would just say, I mean, unlike, you know, years past, you know, because of all of our digitalization now, our mailboxes are pretty thin with meaningful things inside. So there's, you know, we remember. I mean, I don't remember the last time I've received something like, you know, even a thank you note or even the power of a handwritten note is off the chart. Powerful.

Well, and Sherry, I had never even thought about sending a thank you note years or months or days after the fact, Right. I've always kind of gotten bottled up, right. Thinking, I got to get this out, I got to get this out. It's got to happen now. And what if I were to just let it settle in like you had shared, and then write a note and then maybe write another note. Right. And then, and then maybe another note for those things that really touch me. I just think that is such a brilliant idea you have and so many more in the book. It's just.

Well, and I think a piece of that, you know, really goes also to something in our society, which is that oftentimes we wish for things, we want things, and when we get them we somehow conveniently tend to forget to be grateful for them over and over and over again. It's like, oh, I've got that now. What's next? And I think, you know, I also have a phrase, you know, wishing for what we have, which is a similar thing, which is that it's really. It's really understanding that we can love and appreciate. And this goes for relationships big time, right? That rather than taking things for granted, trying to see them with new, fresh eyes.

Yeah, I love that saying, wishing for what we have. That's brilliant. So for those of you who are maybe thinking, gosh, I'm not a creative person, there's no way I could do this. I don't even know where to begin. Because it's something that we don't do, right? Often if we do do it, most of us, not all of us, but it feels uncomfortable, and that's why it feels uncomfortable. And when you do it, right, if you do that emotional push up, you all of a sudden go, oh, that wasn't so hard. I always call this, like the. The cleaning out the garage syndrome. I think about it and I think about it and I think about it, but when I actually get in there, right, it's like, oh, my gosh, I didn't know this was in here. It's like Christmas. Oh, my gosh. Oh, my gosh. And it's not nearly as hard as I thought it was going to be. And I. I want to show our listeners, you know, just how simple this really is, Right? And that's why I thought it would be so fun and so special for you to. To get us a little walk through what a love list is. And listeners, please follow along, right wherever you are. If you don't get a piece of paper and a pencil, just follow along in your imagination. Imagine for a moment. We talked about that, right? Imagination is the thing that can take us places and can help us explore things that we've never really explored before. So this is one of those moments, right? And when I can try it on my imagination, it doesn't seem so hard to actually do it. So let's follow along and do it. Let's go, Sheri.

I love it. I love it. I love it. So, yeah, Tom and Stacy, how much time just so that we kind of a sense. Do you want me to do a few prompts?

Yeah, yeah, let's try a few prompts and we'll see who.

Thank you.

Okay, first of all, close your eyes and really think of somebody that you want to offer this Love to. Who do you want to appreciate? Who do you want, you know, to feel like they matter and to know they matter. And I often encourage people to consider someone in your life who might be going through a really hard time, someone who might be grieving, feeling lost, feeling lonely. Those can be especially meaningful people to start with. But it can be anybody, Child, a spouse. And then when you have someone in your mind, and I want you to, just as I say this, just the very first few things that come to your mind when I say, what do you love about them? Because there's always going to be some things that just drop in instantly. Those high level what do you love about them? And I always tell people there's no right or wrong way to do this. So for some people, if you're writing things down right now, it could be a phrase, it could be a sentence. You might have 10 things drop in at once. You might have to reach for that first thing even. But to really trust the process because it works differently and kind of magically for everyone. So that first question, you know, what just comes to your mind and I don't know. Tom and Stacey, are you playing along as we go?

Absolutely.

If it's not too personal, if you want to share who's who came to your mind and one thing, maybe.

Well, the first. The first person that came to my mind was a daughter of mine that's really, really struggling, and she also struggles with bipolar. Right. And I know this time of year is a time that's really, really challenging for her. I won't take too much time on this, but the backstory is when she was a young girl, she ended up having to go to a rehab facility, and she's carried that as a burden on her shoulder. So when she comes home for the holidays or engages with her brothers and sisters, she always struggles with a feeling of feeling less than. And it spirals off all kinds of wonderful little things. Right?

Yes, yes.

And so I thought, gosh, it would be nice for me to take a minute. I've never done this with her or for her before. And I need to. Right. Other than verbally, you know, first person to person, face to face. And so I thought this would be a great time to just maybe tell her. Right. All these things that we're saying. Isn't it so funny? We teach what it is we come to learn. This would be a great thing for me to do for my daughter.

Ah, beautiful. Stacy. I can only imagine how meaningful. And did something immediately drop in when I said, what sort of Just drops in when you think of why you love her.

I love her passion for life. She's always been a person that I've called high speed, low drag. So she's wanting to milk every moment of life out of every second. Right. And she drives hard. If she's passionate about something, man, she's going to go for it. And she's that person that if you were stuck in the desert, you would want to call her because she would carry that cup of water across the desert and not take a sip for herself. Right. So she's just, you know, loyal and dedicated and. And wants everybody to know how much she cares. Right. And so that would be the thing that I would say about her. Many things. That's not just one, but many things.

I was just about to say, if you listen back to this, you'll probably see that that was probably your first 10 or 12 items. Right. And that's what I love. Like that it's like. And then you might even go a little deeper and ask yourself, like, oh, do I have an example or two of specific things in her life where I saw her do this? And then that becomes 12, 13. So that's one of the ways the love list sort of just blossoms from. And you just. That was perfect example.

And I love the idea of examples as you're saying that. I'm thinking, wow, you know, sometimes it's the stories I can say, I love you, but how many of us long to say, to know and understand why you love me? Right. What is it exactly that you love so perfect? I love.

I think that that's. And being the relationship experts that you both are, you get that, right? That it's like a love list is really about the relationship. And the more specific that we can be, it's sort of like the more we feel it. Yeah. So, okay, let's. We'll do another one, and then I'll ask Tom to share if he wants to sound good. Another prompt would be a shared ritual or something that is, you know, quote unquote, just yours with this other person. So, for instance, I'll just give an example. Like, my family generally at the holidays, we're not doing it this year because we're not traveling, but we have a holiday hoopla, a big day together. And so that would be something. I love that my mom lets us hang crazy decorations and move all our furniture for the holiday hoopla. And it just shows a big part of who she is.

That's great. That's so great. As far as a ritual Goes we. The first one that pops into my mind is a tradition that we have on a person's birthday in our family, and we'll all gather around the table, and the family will go around and acknowledge the person and let them know that this is what I see and acknowledge in you for this year. Right. And this is what I hope for you in the coming year. And it's so touching to see even the little guys do it. Right. Little grandson, you know, six, seven, eight, telling his mom or his brother or his. His sister. Right. What it is they acknowledge and appreciate about them and the presence that they bring into their lives. And it'd be so powerful, I think, to take and combine those two ideas and put it on paper, like you. You're suggesting. Because that's wonderful. Right. And I'm so grateful we do that. But how. How much more would it be if when I'm struggling or I'm having a moment, I could go and pull that paper out or that gift out? And I think that's the other powerful thing about giving gifts from the heart is that when I'm. I'm struggling and I'm having a rough day with a love list, I can pull it out and I can remember. I can. Right. Exactly.

Well.

So, Stacy, so going back to your love list for your daughter, is there something that drops in your mind that is just yours, just the two of you?

Mm. When we get together, we usually. We have this fun little wine bar that we love to go to in Utah. And I know that probably sounds like an odd oxymoron that Utah doesn't have wine bars, but they do for any of you out there who are wondering. And we always love to go and get a fun bottle of wine and celebrate that. Right. It's kind of like a cheers of getting together. Yeah.

So just for people listening, the way that you might phrase something like that is, you know, I love our annual tradition of when we go to the wine bar in Utah, and then there might even be us again if we want to dig a little deeper. Maybe there's specific memory that drops up after that, and you could even do something like, you know, oh, gosh, like the time.

Will you.

Da, da da da da. Remember when we. So you can build in to that love that.

That's so perfect.

Tom, did you want to jump in?

Sure, sure. So question number one. Who pops into my mind is this incredible woman that's sitting right next to me, and there's some, you know, special significance. You know, I use the Thanksgiving weekend as Our anniversary long story, but I'll make it really, really short. So for me, death is the most powerful reminder at how precious life is. Earlier in November, 10 years ago, earlier November 2010, I lost a sister somewhat. You know, somewhat. We were prepared as a family, and then seven days later, lost a friend of ours as well. So two significant people within seven days, which caused me to give thanks and write handwritten cards to everyone in my life. Basically, the message was, let people know you love them right now. And then something told me to reach out to Stacy. Now, mind you, and this is a conversation episode for another time. Stacy and I didn't. Didn't really know each other very well. Stacy's sister married my dear friend from the. The fourth grade, and he was my first friend to get married back in 1978. So she, ladies and gentlemen, she has been stalking me for 32 years.

Sherry's not supposed to go on the love list.

Absolutely.

So anyway, you know, no, we just, you know, we just. If you're listening to this now or, you know, shortly thereafter, you know, we just, you know, here in the United States, you know, had Thanksgiving. So that's a very, very special time. So we just hit 10 years. I guess it's getting serious.

I'm going to keep you around for another minute or so.

You know, that's really. And then. And then a couple episodes ago, we had our wonderful. My two wonderful brothers, because we live in a family kind of compound, and that's coming to an end for all, for good reasons. So there's some really, really strong significance just as a journey with Stacy and their journey with our family. And there's just great, great deep gratitude and love and appreciation. And I just, you know, I always feel like everyone should be so blessed to have a lover and a partner and everything in between with someone like I have. So.

Oh, Tom, I know. That's so beautiful. And, you know, you actually, which I love you actually just responded to my prompt number three without even knowing it, which was, I love to bring in humor to love lists because they can be right. You know, it's beautiful and it can feel really sweet and wonderful to hear all these things, but we need a little bit of a break while we're listening to all that. Right. So it's good to add some texture and. So absolutely. On your love list for Stacy, you would put, you know, I love that you stalked me for 10 years or however, you know, 32.

32.

Oh, for 30. That's right.

For 32. Right.

But it's like to find those places. And it might be like, I'm guessing that's something that you two have shared before, right? So it could be like a shared personal joke or something that you always. Even if you've laughed over a thousand times, all the better, right? Because it pulls at the heartstrings when it's a shared joke that we only have with that person.

And then real quick, I've got to share shared ritual immediately. I mean, literally. I mean, it's pretty rare where Stacy and I don't start our day where we share coffee together literally every single day, usually for about 30 minutes. I mean, and it's just. I mean, like, I get excited about it still. It's just like, oh, my gosh. And we go to this wonderful drive through that they know if they call us mom and dad there, it's so cute.

But I guess they don't consider us their peers anymore, which is really kind of a disappointment.

But, you know, it's just a way for us to really start our day. And then oftentimes, off we go. This is our, you know, favorite thing that we get to do together like this. But that's not always the case, you know, so it's just.

Just.

It's just. And I say, you know, how many, you know, partners. Couples really do take the time to do this? Because it is. I mean, as simple as it sounds, it's so significant. It is so significant.

Now, I want to just. If I may, I want to just point out a couple of things here. I want people to know out there. This is the crux of our work that you may be going, oh, my gosh, I'm never going to have something like that, or I can never create a new experience like that. And I want you to know that that's a lie. We've talked about that a little bit today. Don't feel resolved here. The reason why many of us don't experience great relationships, particularly with our lovers, is because we've never been taught how. And then we make up some terrible stories about ourselves and about love and about life that quite frankly, just simply are not true. And what. What Tom and I are sharing or he so lovingly just shared with me about me and our relationship. You need to understand. I know. So if you don't, you don't. You're questioning it inside of yourself. Please hear me. I know we all have the capacity to create love like this in our lives. It's just taking the time. It's going to take time. It's going to Take practice, right? And it's going to take some emotional weightlifting to get there. But every single one of us has the capacity to love, right? It's the ability that often eludes us. And so in case you're, you know, thinking, oh, I could never do a heart list. I could never love like that. I. I'm never going to have anybody that loves me like that. I just want you to know that's all a bunch of bs, right? I have to say that on the radio because I can't use my favorite word. But it's a bunch of junk. So just in case there's somebody out there going, oh, geez, this is getting really too syrupy. And blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, that will never be me. That's a bunch of crap.

Just so you know, Stacy, I'm so glad that you said that. And it doesn't just go for our lovers or spouses, that that same thing is true for any relationship. And that, you know, I'm going to go ahead and put a plug in, right, for the work that I do. Because making a love list can be a way to open a door to something deeper. And I know this because this is what happened with my own mom. You know, we did not have a necessarily close relationship. And the first love list I made her was when she turned 50, which was 30 years ago. And it really turned a corner for us on who we are together.

So great. It's so true. So these things can be turned around regardless of where you find yourself. Right? Right now I know it's time for us to go. And we could go a whole nother long, long time. We're gonna have to have you come back, Sherry. I mean, that's the only solution. If you want to find Sherry. She's@simplycelebrate.net I highly encourage you to check her out, get her book. Right?

We'll have that in our show notes.

Yes, we will. You can get it off of our website at. Stacey Bartley, that Sherry, thank you so much for being here with us. Our song today, I feel, is completely perfect. It's Giving gifts from the heart. It's by Tori Kelly, and she sings, your love is the gift that keeps on giving all year long.

And what's happening next week, Mrs. Bartley?

Well, it's going to be a surprise for Christmas, so you'll just have to tune in and find out. So thanks, you guys. We so appreciate our listeners.