Goodbye 2020, Hello 2021

Hey, thanks for coming. Welcome to the Love Shack.

Hey, welcome to the Love Shack. Little old place where we can get together and explore fresh perspectives, eavesdrop on juicy conversations and uncover mysteries that nobody talks about, but absolutely influence our relationships. If you're struggling in your marriage right now or just starting out in a new relationship or are single and looking to do better next time, this is the show for you. My name is Stacey Bartley and I'm here with my co host and lover, Tom. Together for the past decade, we have been teaching and loving on people from around the world with the sole purpose of helping individuals and couples to love more and fear less in their relationships, both with themselves and others.

And a quick shout out to our podcast listeners. Thanks very much for catching us whenever you have the time. I share this because we are live every Thursday at 1pm PST on the wonderful KKNW up in Seattle. So if you'd ever like to join us live, we would love to have you. Bottom line is we appreciate you taking time out and spending it, some of it with us. And I'm also gonna wish my wife a wonderful happy anniversary. Cause yesterday, if you're listening to this live, was our eight year anniversary. It's getting serious, Mrs. Barkley.

Yeah, I probably could keep you around for another day or two, right? Also today is the last day of 2020. So today we are going to be talking about Goodbye 2020. I don't know that there's any love lost there. Hello, 2021. So as we come to this new year, you know, 2020 has brought us all some very unique challenges one way or another. And if you're like most of us, you're probably thinking, Hallelujah, 2020 is done. It's kind of like don't walk, run into the new year and leave this old one behind. However, today we're going to do something radical and crazy because Tom and I are going to invite you into a fresh perspective on casting out the old to embrace the new. Let's have a new conversation about how to boldly step into 2021 with clarity and new perspectives. And to do that, we've absolutely got to take a look back at 2020 and that will help us step into the new 2021 with some new understanding and all of its wonderful nuances. So go ahead right now and grab your favorite beverage. It's time for us to celebrate the gifts of the old and bring then new possibilities for the new. We'll be right back.

Are you tired of sitting on a couple's counselor's couch and feeling like you're just rehashing the past and making no progress? Do you feel like you're holding on to your relationship but panicked you're losing your partner? It's time to learn how to deepen your connection. Finally resolve the arguments that keep coming up. Understand yourself and your partner and create the level of intimacy you've been dreaming of. It's time for love to tingle your toes again. Schedule your private session with relationship expert stacey bartley@stacybartley.com checkup. Do you feel like your love life is on life support? It's time for a turbocharged relationship resuscitation with an alternative to marriage counseling. Head over to staceybartley.com to learn more about their proprietary programs their clients use to save their relationships. Staci b a r rtly.com visit stacybartley.com today.

Ready to learn the most important thing you can do to revitalize your relationship today? Go to Stacybartley.com fairydust stacybartley.com fairydust this is the number one thing Stacy teaches her VIP clients that has the power to improve the health of of your relationship. Today, learn how sprinkling a little fairy dust in your relationship can stop arguments in their tracks. Rekindle your spark and take your difficult conversations from the struggle bus to easy street.

Do you find yourself attempting to get your point across to friends and family and notice their feelings become hurt instead? Do you tend to feel misunderstood and taken for granted the majority of the time? Instead of listening to others in a conversation, do you find yourself formulating your next response to prove your point? Are you having a difficult time showing up to say anything but you think about doing it a lot? When we feel like we are being the jerk or the doormat in our relationships, we tend to criticize ourselves harshly. The reality is we've never been taught how to share ourselves effectively with those who we care about and love. Your skills as a salesperson, master negotiator or expert debater will only lead you into a fight. Matters of the heart require different skills for a limited time. Get half off the regular price of a communications workshop designed to help you gain the understanding and skills you need to navigate through your communications with others, giving you the ability and experience to feel heard, appreciated, and a sense that you matter to the people you care about the most. Get all the juicy details@staceybartley.com communication want.

To hear something different from talk radio? Keep your dial on Alternative Talk 11:50.

All right, welcome back. We are here on this eve of New Year's to talk about 2020 and how to step into 2021 boldly. Yes. With clarity. And let's be Honest, I know 2020 has kicked our fannies. It's just been an incredibly difficult year for so many of us. And it's not just here in our country, but worldwide. We faced everything from a deadly pandemic to a global movement for racial justice. The year of 2020 has certainly experienced its fair share of world shifting events. And I think the one that continues to kind of carry on, that we can't seem to get over, is the spread of COVID And it's disrupted every single aspect of our daily life, from home to work, to school, to the traditions that we hold so dear. And in addition to all of this, there's so many other things that have happened this year as well.

No doubt. I mean, again, I'm sure we're all hearing this, especially if you're listening live on New Year's Eve or shortly thereafter, but really want to do what we can to impart a different way potentially to look at this year and what might be, might be some gems in there that we can use as a learning platform rather than just like, thank God it's over. Yes. I. I don't think any of us, if we're alive today, have ever experienced a year like this, really, around the world. So we're gonna, we're gonna do everything we can to help us look at it in a way perhaps that we haven't before.

Yeah, absolutely. From, you know, Kobe Bryant and the impeachment of Donald Trump to the racial protest and presidential election that still has us on the edge of our seats, it's no wonder that we wanna get on with 2021 already. But before we lace up our running shoes, okay, before we start heading out the door, right. It's important for us to just pause for a moment and Tom and I, in the work that we do, we spend a lot of time in conversations in just this place. Because if you really think about it, when we've had it up to our eyeballs with a relationship, right. And we start thinking, enough of this already. I've had it. This has happened. This has happened. This has happened. This has happened. This usually sounds like, this is the problem you're doing. This is your fault. This is your fault. I can't take it anymore. We start lacing up those same running shoes, don't we? And we're making a plan for getting the helic out of Dodge.

Yeah. And because of X, Y and Z. I am out of here.

And so here is the place where, believe it or not, there is a golden opportunity. We human beings, we love to do one of two things when we find ourselves in this place. We tend to either step in and go, all right, I'm taking charge here. This is what's going to happen. This is how this is going to go down. Right. We call that in our body of work control. Right? I'm going to get pushy. I'm going to call the shots. I've had enough of this situation. I've had enough of your fanny. I've had enough of this pandemic thing. I've had enough of, right, what's going on here. I've had enough of X, Y and Z. And then we get pushy and we tend to go, this is what we're going to do. That's taking charge. The other way we have of dealing with this when we feel like we want to put on those running shoes is we call it collapse in our body of work. And collapse looks like, okay, I guess there's nothing I can do. I'm just stuck. I've got to find resolve. I'm just going to do my best. And I collapse. And I just hope that this is going to go well. And cross our fingers and hope that this is just going to go well is our favorite skill when it comes to life. Right. We like to pretend. We like to pretend that everything is fine when we know it's not. And we like to pretend that there's nothing I can do about it, even though I know I can or I feel like I can't.

Yeah. And we know from. From studies, not even of this Covid proportion, if you will, that when there has been significant events, one of them. We know there's a pretty. Pretty well known study back in the hurt, one of the hurricanes. I can't remember which name it was back in. Yeah, there was people that were considering significant relationship altering events, like having a baby and. Or like ending a relationship at the end of that, what we call catalytic event. Those people chose to make that decision. So we know that there's lots of us out there that are, you know, considering catalytic events specific to relationships because of this unprecedented challenge that we are all facing. So again, we're looking to encourage you to look at this in a way that is new, that is very careful and understanding all that's at stake, rather than just getting on your lacing up your running shoes and getting the heck out of Dodge.

So let's unpack what you just said, honey, because what you said is very profound. And I want to go back to this research study, because this research study shows that anytime our backs are pressed against a wall, anytime we find ourselves in this place of control and collapse that we find ourselves, we are going to produce something that has never been seen before when our backs are pressed against the wall. This is the time where all of a sudden I say, I'm done with this, like we were talking about. It's also the place where we say, you know what? I'm gonna go for it. I'm gonna jump in. I'm gonna start that business. I'm gonna start dating. I'm gonna, you know, pursue this thing. I'm gonna have a baby. I'm gonna get married. I'm gonna buy that house. I'm gonna stop being so afraid. Right? I'm doing this thing. And these are the benefits of a catalytic event. And they happen with death, divorce, money, challenges, natural disasters, the like of which we have all experienced in 2020. It's kind of like this major crescendo that has overtaken us, that has us considering every single aspect of our lives now, in addition to the principle of control and collapse. Again, control is where I feel like I'm going to step up, I'm going to take charge, I'm going to make the decisions. I am going forward. Collapse is a place where we feel as human beings that I give up. I acquiesce. I don't know what else to do. I guess I'm going to go along with. Right. Even though I know that that's not necessarily in my best interest or the best interest of the situation. And I'm going to ask you in this moment just to reflect, listeners, which one do you tend to reach for? We all do both as human beings. We do. But which one is your favorite? Right. For some of our frontline workers right now, a lot of them have the personality of a control. Thank goodness. They jump in, they assess the situation, they go for it. And what serves me really well at work may not serve me so well at home with my partner, with my kids, with my family. Right? It serves me really well at work. Right? I'm going to do this, I'm going to do that. If I am stuck in a fire, for God's sakes, or I'm having a difficult time with a health challenge, and I need somebody to act immediately. Oh, I want that. I want somebody say, this is what we're going to do. Okay? If I'm there's times to collapse too, right. I think about somebody robbing a bank. Right. Think about somebody coming in and trying to accost you. Or think about somebody who's trying to smooth over a very contentious situation instead of escalated. We need those people too. It's not a right or a wrong or a good or a bad thing. It's typically the extremes of where we find ourselves and our human behavior. So we. Where are you? And babe, if I were to ask you that question, right. When difficult challenges come up, do you go to control or do you go to collapse?

That's a great question. I think I do. Depending on the specific challenge, I would probably think. I not think I would exhibit both.

Tell me a little bit about that. Like, where do you go first?

Well, in my other body of work, I'm in the real estate business, so it's very much, you know, you have to control the situation. But I would say emotionally, when I'm feeling. Feeling defeated or less than positive, I would probably. And again, we would use, you could use quieting, you could use retracting, withdrawing in that collapse, you know, synonym, if you will. So collapse doesn't mean, you know, you're out on the ground laying down in the middle of the road. You know, metaphorically, collapse is just, you know, I guess there's nothing going to be anything better. I would say, you know, you know, most men lead lives of quiet desperation. That's one of the famous presidents. That's his quote, Lincoln or Abraham, somebody famous.

When your back's against the wall, emotionally, you tend to go to.

Yeah, I'd say kind of a quiet desperation. Yeah, yeah.

And in your professional life, you tend to.

Well, yeah, I mean, you have to, you know, Babe, I mean, I've been in the real estate business for many years is you have to have a strong demeanor to, to. To handle all the, the, the not so common sense rules and regulations of which I am a part of.

Yeah. Now check this out, you guys. When my back's against the wall, I'm going to probably get pushy. I'm going to say, okay, we got to figure this out.

See what I'm dealing with every day, ladies and gentlemen, I'm going to say.

Somebody'S got to figure this out. Right. And then I get to a place of quiet and pullback. Right. So in typical relationships, when the ones that have the potential to last the long haul, I just want to plant this little idea in your brain and then we're going to go back to 20, 20, 20, 21. I just want to plant this idea in your brain that long lasting relationships usually have somebody in the emotional realm that's a controller and a collapser. And I don't have time to get into this today. Maybe we can in upcoming conversations about the concept of polarity when it comes to relationships. But just know that's polarity. I have a control and I have a collapse. And those two things pair very nicely.

And if that word trips you up, you could just use opposite. You know, that's an, you know, so polarity just means opposite. Sometimes that could be a word that may trigger you or sound like it's from outer space or from quantum fixes physics of which it is, but it just means opposite. Yin and yang would be another one.

Let's take it, let's, let's pair two controllers together. What do you have? You have people who have epic sex and epic fights. As the saying goes, you know, the sex is great and so are the fights. If you have two collapsers, you have two people that are generally existing together but not much is happening. Just to kind of give you a further experience of how that might identify in your own personal life. If I have two collapse, there's not much happens, there's not a lot of zip, there's not a lot of zip, but we get along just fine.

So let me ask you, I have to believe I was a listener, I'd say, okay, I got the control and collapse. What the heck else is there? If I don't want to, you know, buy into one of those camps, give me another alternative, please.

The alternative would be neutral. It's, it's learning to identify that those are extreme opposites. As Tom had said, control and collapse, those are opposites on the same scale. And we need to find a way of finding balance between those two pivotal points. And that, my friends, is going to require some skill. Right, but that's without the skill. What we tend to seesaw back and forth from, and we want to make the controllers bad and wrong and the collapsers bad and wrong. And this is your fault. No, it's not. No, this is your fault because. And this is usually where our conversations begin and end, is on the edges of extreme. And what we need to realize is that all of us have a component of control and collapse in our lives and that we need to find a place of balance with inside of ourselves first and then we can find balance with each other second. Right? Balance is a verb. Balance is something that we do. It's not something that you arrive at. If I want to find balance on a Pilates ball, for heaven's sakes. Every time I sit on that ball, I'm going to have to find my place of balance, right? Not once, not twice, but all the time. And so it is with finding balance in our lives. It's a daily activity like eating and drinking and pooping and. Right. All those things that we do on the daily. Right?

So if we can use this year and all the challenges that we have faced and knowing that this is a catalytic and convergence of various things that has brought us to this place. And if you're in this place, specific to your relationship, you know, understanding what's possible besides control and collapse, if you're considering, you know, that something needs to change. And oftentimes that's the. That's the beauty of this type of a convergence of events. It's going to bring awareness to us like we've never had before. Like something needs to change, right? Something has got to change. I can no longer continue to go like I've been going.

Well, and just like we've been talking about control and collapse from our human behavior, let's talk about the beautiful things of 2020 and the challenging things of 2020. And what you're going to notice is, as far as I bring that to your awareness, is we tend to pound on the problems and talk about them and talk about them and talk about them and talk about them and talk about them and talk about them and talk about them and talk about them. But we never really talk about the other side of, right. This conversation, which is what was the beautiful things of 2020? And some of you might think, ah, how could you even go there? That's not okay. That's rude. That's awful. Do you know how many bad things have happened in 2020? And you might even find that you're resistant to engage in that conversation, as so many of us are. And yet it needs to be explored. And if we can find the power in exploring that, that begins to create a clarity and a confidence in regards to what it is I want to bring up in 2020 in my life and all aspects of our lives. Right? So let's give some examples, shall we? When the pandemic set in, Tom and I were in Italy and we had had the trip of a lifetime. We'd been there for five and a half weeks. We arrived back in the States just before the whole thing went sideways.

So this is late. Late one year ago late. No, no, mid November 2019. Just to give you a range And a reference as to what we're the.

First thing when we got quarantined and everything shut down. As I was overwhelmed with this gratitude of oh, thank goodness we went. Because, you know, as these kinds of things go, there's always a reason not to go. Right. We had a hundred of them, but we decided, nope, that's it, we're going. Right. I guess there's my control that we've been talking about. No, that's it. We're going, we're going to do it now. I don't know why. This is the year. Right. And we stepped in at the end of 2019 and took that trip that we had been talking and planning for literally 10 years, only to find ourselves locked down at the beginning of 2020 and me finding that piece of gratitude of this really stinks. But immediately I went to, oh, I'm so glad you took that trip.

Yeah, I mean, interestingly enough, I mean, Italy just if you, you know, studying the history of this short, you know, timeline, if you will, it was in the north part of the country, probably right when we were leaving in the southern part of the country, as we start to connect the dots a little bit better here. But yeah, you know, that was, you know, again, we can only look back and realize how close we are, you know, to either yes or no. That I would agree. That was, that was a huge. Even still, just as we have. None of us have been able to travel certainly like we. We used to makes you appreciate that, that, that very significant decision.

Yeah. And then, right, we, we got stuck in our houses and business had to transform. I had to close my physical office. And so everything, even though I was doing a lot online, we had to move everything online, which wasn't difficult for us. And again, I was, I was struck with gratitude of oh my gosh, thank goodness I'm just not figuring this out for the first time. Right. And then things started to become front and center. I realized for myself how much I would work and how less I would take free time. And I started to realize how minimal time I was spending on developing a new skill or hobby or, or beautifying my environment. And I started to realize some things about how anxiety ridden I was all the time. Like, I always felt like I had to be running and going and doing and then all of a sudden I couldn't. And I, I realized that, man, that was kind of hard to wrap my head around. It wasn't so much that I was quarantined as it was like, ah, what do I do with myself when I don't have anywhere to go, anything to do, anything to rush to. And that was really a huge awareness for me where I thought, oh my gosh, I've gotten so out of balance, right? And so as I, as I contemplate these things and I look at some of the challenges that have happened, right? Death and losing somebody close to us, not in our immediate family, but one ring out, meaning a family friend's family has lost somebody. It makes me appreciate life. And that's sad and that's tragic, but it makes me appreciate being alive. It makes me appreciate and be grateful for my own help and strength and well being, right? And then the economics of it. Let's talk about the economics for a minute. Because in the triad of life, I know in our world and in our country, money, it's the top. If we got money, we feel like we can solve everything. The second angle of that triad would be health. We value money and we value health, and then we value our relationships. They seem to get the backseat. And yet in this experience in 2020, I had the moment of not being able to get together with my grandkids from Utah that are 600 miles from me. And all of a sudden we had to start reconfiguring how we were going to spend the holidays this year. And it made me appreciate, oh my gosh, again, I'm so thankful that we all gathered in 2019 altogether, all eight of us, with all of our grandkids and all of our partners. And it was a heck of a party. And it was not easy and it was not cheap and it was not convenient. But I have moments that matter there. I have relationships that were important to me. And in spite of all the economic challenge, all of the financial challenge, the logistic challenge, all of a sudden I found myself again going, I am so glad we did that. That was incredible. And this year it made it a little easier to let go of. Right? And so these are the things that I want you to contemplate as we step into 2021 and knowing that money is at the apex. Okay, let's start there. Let's go with that. Let's roll with that as I enroll you into the idea that, you know, maybe, maybe relationships might be the most important thing as I cue this up for you. Here's the thing. If we are going to make money the apex of our life, then let's make it part of the heart too. And there's nobody that can do this as well as Suko Andrews. And if you haven't looked him up, man. Do I encourage you to. I hope my dream is to someday have him on the show with us as we're having a conversation. He's a poet, he's a thought leader, he's a musician, storyteller. Oh, my gosh, he's amazing. And so we're going to share a couple of his pieces because they just get right at the heart of the matter. So, okay, if money is the most important thing, let's let Andrew take it away and share with us some. I'm sorry, say it again.

His first name. You said his last name.

Oh, Seiko.

Seiko.

Seiko Andrews. He's going to take it away with a piece he titles New Money. If we're going to go there, let's talk about new Money. Kick it off. Let's do it. I love that. Isn't that a fresh perspective on money? And it goes right back to the heart of the matter, which is our relationships, our community, the ripples out where we get to serve, we get to give, we get to share what it is we have, what it is we acquire. And I just want to point out here, right, you may have to listen to this a couple of times in order to truly get the message of this new money. But I want you to understand that for all of us as human beings, money starts on our pockets. Like right as he says, right? Nine slots, ice on the wrist, right? It starts in my world, and then I get educated and it goes to my mind, and then it goes to my heart. Because in order to continue with the purpose of money, I need a why. I need something to touch my heart. And then it goes to the doing, the building, the sharing, the creating. And then finally it gets to the ripples of where we want to ripple it out, right? We want to make sure that everybody coming behind us is able to reap the benefits. And as he says, you know, so wealth in our own oceans, but keep them populated so that this will go on for generations and generations and generations, which, okay, if we look at the triad money at the top, health and relationships, and this year, I'll tell you what, as we've watched people struggle with health and loss of family members and loved ones, friends, as we've watched this challenging year, back us up against the wall, the one thing I think we can all agree is that life, well, it's the most precious commodity that we have. And second to my own life would be the ability to share it with others. That would be the most precious gift I have and if I can use my money to actually make it easier for somebody coming behind me, if I could actually pave the way for somebody who didn't have the opportunities that I did, well, then that gives me all of those, doesn't it? I have what I need. I understand and educate. Right. Myself and others about money, about life, about what it is that makes a good life. I take it to my heart because I truly care. And then I take it out into the world and I create those ripples that go on and on and on well beyond my time here. Because the reality for us all, the 2020, is brought front and center as there is no guarantee of tomorrow. Today. This moment is the gift, the gift for all of us. None of us are guaranteed a tomorrow. Not at our jobs, not in our relationships, and not in our lives. And so what are we doing right now to capture this moment and to stop waiting and waiting and waiting for things to turn out? Waiting and waiting and waiting for things to go better. Waiting and waiting and waiting for somebody to figure it out. Waiting and waiting and waiting for something else to change. What are you doing right now to share your heart? To let somebody know you love them. To let somebody know that you care? What are you doing right now to better yourself? You know, give yourself a pat on the back. See us, you know, we've made it. Those of us who are hearing my voice right now, we are alive. We have weathered this. We have survived. And what are we doing to celebrate that? You know, so rather than get ready to toss 2020 out the window, why aren't we cheering from the rooftops?

We are here.

We will not be denied. Right. And I don't hear a lot of that going on. Right. I don't hear a lot of woo, woo. Right. I'm still here. I still got some of my peeps. I still got my life. I still have the ability to earn dough, as he says. Right. And that we can actually have the triad. Right. And for those of you who are maybe struggling in the health arena, I'll tell you what, we get to the end of health. I watch my mom pass, and I watch Tom's mom pass. When it comes all down to it and that. That critical moment where we realize we're letting go of this life experience, the thing we evaluate, not valuate, we evaluate it and we also value it the most is our relationships with others.

Yeah. I mean, I think all of this would lead to. At the end of the day, we're. We're first in the relationship business. So if there's anything that you can take away from this episode and this year, I think for all of us is, is, is relationships. You know, we're all in the relationship business. So put that to the top of the triangle rather than we typically. Stacey and I typically hear from people when the proverbial house is burning down, so to speak. So that's one way to do it. You know, if you're old enough to remember the Pennzoil commercial, you can pay us now or pay us later. We would prefer that you pay us on the front side, in other words. No, no, no. You know, you know, to take all the fun and really wrap it around, it's, you know, there's ways that you can go about this but that put it on the front side to put it on the intentionality on the front side, you know, and really, really use this year as a, as the tremendous reminder. But then have that always be in place rather than just a single type of an awareness, you know, that relationships really, I mean, my mom raised me. It's life is all about them. Look at everything we know. We work closely with a very well regarded psychiatrist here in our area who says every single problem that comes into his practice is relationship based. So take in that. Wonderful. This year it's about the money and just kind of marinate in those words. And we're going to take a break and we'll be right back.

Are you tired of sitting on a couple's counselor's couch and feeling like you're just rehashing the past and making no progress? Do you feel like you're holding on to your relationship but panicked you're losing your partner? It's time to learn how to deepen your connection. Finally resolve the arguments that keep coming up. Understand yourself and your partner and create the level of interest, intimacy you've been dreaming of. It's time for love to tingle your toes again. Schedule your private session with relationship expert stacy bartley@stacybartley.com checkup. Do you feel like your love life is on life support? It's time for a turbocharged relationship resuscitation with an alternative to marriage counseling. Head over to staceybartley.com to learn more about their proprietary programs their clients use to save their relationships. S T A C I b a r-t l e y.com visit stacybartly.com today.

Ready to learn the most important thing you can do to revitalize your relationship today? Go to stacybartley.com fairydust StacyBart this is the number one thing Stacy teaches her VIP clients that has the power to improve the health of your relationship today. Learn how sprinkling a little fairy dust in your relationship can stop arguments in their tracks. Rekindle your spark and take your difficult conversations from the struggle bus to easy street.

Do you find yourself attempting to get your point across to friends and family and notice their feelings become hurt instead? Do you tend to feel misunderstood and taken for granted the majority of the time? Instead of listening to others in a conversation, do you find yourself formulating your next response to prove your point? Are you having a difficult time showing up to say anything but you think about doing it a lot? When we feel like we are being the jerk or the doormat in our relationships, we tend to criticize ourselves harshly. The reality is we've never been taught how to share ourselves effectively with those who we care about and love. Your skills as a salesperson, master negotiator, or expert debater will only lead you into a fight. Matters of the heart require different skills for a limited time. Get half off the regular price of a communications workshop designed to help you gain the understanding and skills you need to navigate through your communications with others, giving you the ability and experience to feel heard, appreciated, and a sense that you matter to the people you care about the most. Get all the juicy details@staceybartley.com communication.

Easy on the ears, Good for the soul. Alternative Talk 11:50 Foreign.

Welcome back. So we have been having a very juicy conversation about this whole conversation of money right now. Why? Because it's the top of the triad. We all believe as human beings that if we got the money figured out right, we got everything figured out because we believe that we, we can, right, make happiness happen. If I can right, buy that house right? If I can buy that new car, if I can live in that zip code 95765. And yet when you have money, when you have the privilege of having more than you need, you realize that, wow, money is just a tool. It's just something else to work and manage. I had a very wonderful mentor years ago that says, you know, Stace, the downside of having money, it's just creating a whole lot more to do, a whole lot more to manage in life. And I thought that's, that's really profound and that really is true that, you know, we have enough for our own pockets. We're going to need to understand how to manage it. And when we learn how to manage it, we realize there's gotta be a lot more going on which has got to come from my heart. When it comes from my heart and I go from that place, I realize there's a lot more I can do with my hands and in my community. And then all of a sudden, I get the true value of wealth, which is passing it on, giving it away, serving. And so that's the journey of money. But let's talk about the journey of health for a minute as we work our way to the journey of relationships, which is ultimately where we want to go. Our health journeys are really relationships with inside of ourselves. So many of our health problems, they come from the things that I struggle from within. And so if I want to look at the opportunity that my health journey gives me, my health journey is going to help me see things with inside of myself that I couldn't. And the person who has really taught me this is a sister of mine that I've referred to on the show before. Fourteen years ago, she was diagnosed with colon cancer. And my sister has taught me so much about the health journey and to watch her grow and navigate. This only confirms to me what it is I'm saying now, this pandemic, it has us looking at things in so many different ways, right? And we have the people that are really compromised, and we have the people that are so thankful to be healthy and strong and young right now. But wherever you might find yourself, I want to encourage you to embrace your health journey as a journey into yourself. Right? It's, It's. It really is a journey into ourselves, regardless of what we might be struggling with. And it all leads us back to the last one, which, ironically, is the last but the first, but the. But the one that falls behind, but the one that should be in front. And that's the relationship journey. Our relationship journey with ourselves and others, if you think about it, is life. And when we can cut through all the chatter and all the bs, really, it's what makes life rich. As Tom said just moments ago, life good. Life is good relationships. And when I find myself in a place of good relationships, then life means something. So to show you that we are all connected, to show you that we are all vibrations, we are all incredible human beings. I want to play with you, Suko Andrews, and this is my final share with you today and my final encouragement to look him up. May we all celebrate New Year's in a whole new way as we look at the contrast on both sides, right? What we liked, what we didn't. And let's let Suko once again take us to a place where we move our hearts and Move our souls and realize we are all connected in profound ways. He's going to play for us good vibes where we can all remember we're connected. Go ahead.

Wow.

That always takes my breath away and makes me cry.

Yeah. And if you're listening to this, you want to catch that on, you know, watch the visual part of it. We'll have a link on our. On Stacy bartley.com on our homepage, on the. The podcast part of the, of the homepage there. Our daughter, wonderful daughter, takes care of all that. We'll link you to the YouTube. You need to watch that. I mean, how many times Stacy and I watch that? Yeah. Literally moves us. I mean, I love the very end where he says, you know, we're a.

Symphony, we're a tribe. And as divided as we find ourselves right now in our personal lives and in the world and all that we're navigating, if we can come back to this place where we realize, you know, we are a symphony, we are a tribe, it helps to connect us all. And so I want to leave you with a couple of things that you can take all that we've talked about today and we can actually start to work with this. Don't run from 2020. There's no reason to run. What I want to encourage you to do is I want you to look at the good and the ugly, right? But not just the ugly, not just the challenging. Not just the things that broke our hearts or challenged us or caused us to grind our teeth at night, but the things that we got out of it, the things that we were reminded of are important. And as we step in and look at maybe making goals for the new year, that we recognize that improvements are only temporary until they become part of who we are. And that is actually a quote by James Clear, who is the author of Atomic Canvas. Improvements are only temporary until they become part of who we are. So if we don't look back at 2020 and evaluate what works and what doesn't work and the contrast of our own lives and our control and collapse behavior, we're going to miss it. So we set goals like get out of debt, not realizing that what we want is to become prosperous. We're going to set goals to, you know, not just run a marathon. No, that's not what you're after. But to become fit. And we're going to set goals to change our partners, change the people that we find valuable and important around us, only to find ourselves realizing that it's my job to become a lover of self and others. That's my goal. These things that we see in the contrast of our own lives in this moment, those are the opportunities that help, you know, what to leave behind in 2020, what to step boldly forward with and like, make a part of your life right now.

Yeah. So if you're, you know, if you're really at this place of, you know, possibility junction, where you're really looking at something needs to change, we would really encourage you to take that pause, you know, yes, control and collapse are two options, but there's that third option, which is neutral. And if you need some perspective, if you need some, some. Some skilled person or persons to wrap around you, so this goes well, whatever you decide, then reach out to us. This is what we're expert at. This is, you know, Stacy and I, the only position that we take is whatever one chooses to do in their relationship or relationships is that it goes well. Because especially if there's children involved, we can promise you that it's going to affect the whole. And so it needs to go well. We don't ever take position what you should do other than it needs to go well. And that typically is not able to go well unless you have some oftentimes some skilled participation around you, some skilled facilitation, excuse me, that's the word of facilitation around you. So reach out to us and we're honored to help you with this.

So look at the good, yes, the good of 2020 and look at the challenges of 2020. And this is going to help you step into 2021 with clarity and understanding the likes of which you have never had. As we close out our show today, again, I want us to celebrate, right, I want us to celebrate that with this new year. We acknowledge each and every one of you and all the incredible hard work and courageous adaptations to this challenges, to the challenges that we have faced this year as we shifted to a virtual world where we work at home. I know it hasn't been easy. And yet here we are together with resilience, creativity, and each other. We look forward to seeing you all again next year. Happy New Year, everybody.