Stop Dreading Valentine's Day! Here's How To Have The Best Day Ever...

Hey, thanks for coming. Welcome to the Love Shack.

Hey, welcome to the Love Shack. It's a little place where we get to get together, explore fresh perspectives and eavesdrop on juicy conversations and uncover mysteries that nobody talks about, but absolutely influence our relationship. If you're struggling in your marriage, just starting out in a new relationship, or are single and looking to do better next time, this show has been designed for you. I'm Stacey Bartley and I'm here with my co host and lover, Tom. Together for the past decade, we have been teaching and loving on people from around the world with the sole purpose of helping individuals and couples to love more and fear less in their relationships, both with themselves and others.

And a quick shout out to our podcast listeners. We sure appreciate you listening to us. Whenever is a good time for you, day and time wise. I share this because to remind you not because to remind you that we are live every Thursday at 1pm Pacific Standard Time. If you ever want to catch us live or ask us a question or text us a question, Stacy and I and our daughter Brooke, we take confidentiality really seriously. So we've done everything we can to allow you to ask us a question. You can go to our website and use Speak pipe. You can text us a question. Bottom line is you don't to share your name or where you're from. We are here to be a resource for you to help you take your next best step. All with impartiality and objectivity.

I love it. And wherever you are in this moment, thank you so much for tuning in right now. It is great to be here together with you. Tom and I love to be here and do this spot for you. It is our get to. So thanks so much for tuning in and let's share today, babe, what we are going to talk about. We are going to talk about the upcoming Valentine's Day that is looming in the wings now. We've prepared a special show for you and love it or hate it, Valentine's Day is quickly approaching. I don't know of any other holiday that stirs up such varied and passionate feelings as this one does. And you know, okay, I get it. Let's. Let's be honest. There were, you know, times where I didn't really like Valentine's Day either because I was struggling in my own relationship and Valentine's Day is probably the last thing that I wanted to talk about. Something as simple as just hearing about somebody else's plans for the day could bring up some super complicated emotions and perhaps cause me to begin thinking about what I didn't have or how I screwed it up or what I should have done differently. And so I get it. All the problems between you and your partner are on your mind instead of perhaps the candy hearts and the wine and the red roses. How is it that we are supposed to get excited about this when we're struggling or challenged or. And then. And then there's the other side of it, right? There's I'm newly in love, I'm in a new relationship and I'm so excited. And this is going to be our first go at it, and it's going to be amazing and it's going to be wonderful. And you plan this wonderful day with all the hopes and expectations that go with it. And so today we are going to talk about all the pros and cons of Valentine's Day, all the conversations that happen around it. If the spring rings a bell for any of you, stay with us because we'll be exploring everything about this polarizing holiday today, even looking back historically and realize that, believe it or not, Valentine's Day was not always about the celebration of romantic love only. We'll be right back.

Are you tired of sitting on a couple's counselor's couch and feeling like you're just rehashing the past, making no progress? Do you feel like you're holding on to your relationship but panicked you're losing your partner? It's time to learn how to deepen your connection, finally resolve the arguments that keep coming up. Understand yourself and your partner and create the level of intimacy you've been dreaming of. It's time for love to tingle your toes again. Schedule your private session with Relationship Experts expert stacey bartley@staceybartley.com checkup. Do you feel like your love life is on life support? It's time for a turbocharged relationship resuscitation with an alternative to marriage counseling. Head over to staceybartley.com to learn more about their proprietary programs their clients use to save their relationships. S-T-A C I B A R T L E Y.com Visit stacybartley.com today.

Ready to learn the most important thing you can do to revitalize your relationship today? Go to stacybartley.com fairydust staceybartly.com fairydust this is the number one thing Stacy teaches her VIP classes that has the power to improve the health of your relationship.

Today.

Learn how sprinkling a little fairy dust in your relationship can stop arguments in their tracks. Rekindle your spark and take your difficult conversations from the struggle bus to Easy.

Street.

Alternative Talk, 1150 Talk Radio for the body, mind and soul.

Hey, welcome back. Today we're going to jump into a Valentine's Day conversation. We're going to explore all kinds of different perspectives. So whether you love Valentine's Day and you're looking forward to it, or you hate it and roll your eyes and go, oh, my gosh, can this just be over right now? Or you're completely indifferent. The question that we want to talk about today is how does Valentine's Day impact our relationships overall? And we've prepared a show with lots of different perspectives and conversations. So our intention that there will be a little something for someone. And I get it right sometimes when Valentine's Day is creeping up on us and we're struggling in our relationships like so many of us are right now because of all that we've been through in this last year, Valentine's Day and how to celebrate it might be the last thing that's on your mind. And when you hear somebody that's like, oh, my gosh, this is like the greatest thing, I can't wait. I've got this little thing and I, I've got a room and I'm doing all these things, you just kind of go, oh. Because you know what? It pushes something inside of us. I bet at some point in time, in most of our lives, we've had a moment where we too were excited about Valentine's Day and what it was going to bring into our lives.

Well, let's, let's not. I mean, let's just be honest. We do live in a capitalistic type economy, I would say, and Valentine's Day would be my understanding there's some significant focus around monetizing the holiday. I know. I'm just saying. So, you know, hey, you know, it can bring up. We find in our body of work, it brings up the whole gamut. In fact, we're going to have some fun little snippets to show you how the range of responses to Valentine's. And just so you know, there's no right or wrong response. Hopefully you all realize that if you've been listening to us for any period of time, our emotional response to things is our emotional. Our feelings. So that we just like to help us understand in the range. And Stacy loves the word polarity. We do, too. This means opposite. So you're going to find lots of opposite responses to the same holiday. What a shock.

It is a very polarizing holiday, as we had mentioned. So the impact of Valentine's Day and the, and the repercussions that it places on our relationships. We want to explore those today, the good and believe it or not, the bad. Valentine's Day can actually be a really, really difficult day for some people. And there's reasons for that. Valentine's Day, it's. It plays a role in our lives whether we like it or not. It really does bring up some things around some of the conversations we find a difficult place to have. If I'm needing Valentine's Day to be a show that my partner, male or female, is in this relationship, then Valentine's Day picks up some intensity, doesn't it? It's like, ah, okay, you'd better show up and you'd better do your part and you'd better make this good, because that's the sign that I love you. It reminds me of a, that I once saw where a couple is parked at a stop sign and she pulls out a gun and puts it to his head and says, tell me you love me right now. Tell me you love me. And he goes, I love you, I love you. And sometimes, let's be honest, Valentine's Day can kind of feel like that for some of us, right? Where we're not so sure where we're at in the whole relationship genre. And yet we feel pressured to show up because we know that our partners or maybe ourselves are hoping for that demonstration that everything is going to be okay. When we know that there's maybe some things looming in the background, we just don't know how to talk about them and bring them up. And so, you know, we want to talk about all of it. We also want to talk about the good. And so I posed this question to a wonderful group of clients that I have the privilege and honor of serving. We get together every Monday night and we had a very robust conversation on this topic. And the topic that Valentine's Day plays in their lives, knowing what they know now after working with us for quite some time. And here's some things that I want to share with you. Let's play the first clip.

I'm dreading Valentine's Day this year, to be honest.

I'm dreading Valentine's Day this year, to be honest. And how many of us are truly dreading the day? Like, ah, this is a place where we find ourselves when maybe things aren't going so well. Like I said, maybe, right? There's some things that I know I need to address, or maybe I'm dreading it because. Because I have pressure around me to show that My partner loves me, and I'm wondering if they're going to come through for me. Maybe it's not even about my relationship, but maybe it's about, you know, demonstrating to other people outside my sphere of influence that we have a pretty great relationship.

Yeah. And how about, you know, maybe we've been through a significant change since Valentine's Day a year ago, you know, and it's not going to be the same, you know, people, the same, you know, situation as what we experienced last year. You know, I would imagine being like Stacy had shared what we've all been through, the world has been through this year. We know there's a lot of. A lot of changes, of which relationships are one of them. So we may not even be with the same people we were last year at this time.

And one client had this to say. She says, I think it's wonderful that we take a day, a year and put a little more effort into our relationships, because if we don't do it, then when would we? Well, that's a really great question. Right. If we tend to put relationships to the back burner in our lives, right. And we only pull them out from time to time to look at them and pay attention to them and maybe do something significant, then you can see that maybe Valentine's Day does play an important role in our relationships. It's the day that I. I get sparked to go, oh, yeah, it's kind of like that take out the trash reminder. Oh, it's the night we got to take the trash out. Take it to the curb. Now, I don't mean to minimize or imply that relationships are like taking out the trash. Not at all, but it is. It becomes this task that we put on our calendar. And oftentimes relationships in our lives at different times and places can be just like this, where. Right. We don't want to focus on them any longer than we have to so that we can get back to focusing on more important things like making the money and taking care of the kids and paying the bills. Right. And our relationships with. With significant others gets pushed to the background. Oh, and then you go, oh, my gosh, yeah, it's Valentine's. I. I better run out and I better do something for that.

So even if it serves as. As a reminder and kind of gives us a reset, at least for that day, to give some time and focus and attention to our relationship. Yeah. I would say that's a good thing. And hopefully maybe it might lead to a more often reminder.

Yeah. Does it. Here's the thing, if you think about it, if it serves as that one day reminder every year that maybe my relationship to come to the forefront of my priority, that's like a really great thought and I love that thought. But I have to ask you, how many of us out there actually do something significant, actually do create a moment that matters, actually do make it what this says. I think it's wonderful that we take a day, a year and put a little more effort into the relationship. Are you putting effort into the relationship or are you checking a box so that you can get it over with?

So give us an example. What would be the difference between those two things?

Ms. Well, the difference is huge. And before I give you some examples, let's just drill down on this for a moment. The difference between doing something out of obligation and choosing to do something because you genuinely want to is huge. And I just need you to stop for a minute and think about your experience right now as you contemplate the Valentine's Day coming. Like, are you feeling obligated to do something or is this really that moment where you go, oh, okay, the reminder is here, I'm going to do something really significant. And it doesn't have that doesn't mean when I say the word significant, it doesn't mean it has to be big or elaborate. It means it has to be thoughtful. It means that I have to want to do it because when I want to do something, I show up better doing it as opposed to just checking a box going, okay, here's your card, here's your flowers. Are we good now, honey? Are you happy? So you would say we check the box.

So you would say there's no doesn't have to necessarily be a connection between how much monetarily is spent and the thoughtfulness that goes into it.

Absolutely. I mean, think about your own internal emotional experience when you're excited about doing something because you want to do it, or you're doing something because it's like, okay, I'll do that out of obligation. And sometimes in our relationships, things can become so obligatory, right? And when I'm going through the motions, right, 365 days a year, and yet I have another box that I need to check called Valentine's Day that feels more obligatory. You can maybe start to wrap our heads around why some of us get a little angry about Valentine's Day. Like, one more thing I got to do to prove that I love you.

Or how about, how about crabby?

Yeah, there is absolutely a huge difference between doing things out of obligation and Choosing to do them because you genuinely want to. Going through the motions is different than going an extra mile, putting a little on it. And so when it comes to Valentine's Day, I would say most of us simply go through the motions until the day passes and the sun comes up and it's February 15th. I also want to make some great points here by a client of mine, she shares about going through the motions on Valentine's Day. Let's listen.

In.

Valentine's Day, I'm kind of like, about it, like with your lover, I guess. I think it's overpriced and I would rather celebrate it. Like, I would rather celebrate it before or after, like not having to deal with all the people and if you go out to eat or whatever. But I think a lot of guys feel a lot of pressure with it because if you work in an office environment or something, know that people are going to be getting flowers, all this lavish stuff. And so it's kind of like you don't want your significant other to be the only one without.

But, like, I think it's just.

It's over the top, honestly.

Yeah, I think she brought up a really great point for those of us who are maybe in a work environment, and that's probably minimized this year, but in years past, she works in an office with lots of people and she still does. And even though they're socially distanced, there's many women in this office and everybody's sitting around waiting for their Valentine Day delivery. And she spoke of and shared with us what it feels like sometimes when she doesn't get one and she's singled out. Right. It's not so much that she wants it or that she needs it. It's that she feels like she's being left out. And then it starts her questioning her relationship overall. Well, it's kind of like that place in ourselves where, gosh, everybody else got one, why didn't I? Maybe they. Maybe. Maybe they don't really care. And. And maybe I'm really not that important. And it causes us to start going down what I call a rabbit hole. And when then we start creating doubt and you guys, doubt within ourselves as a human being is like the kryptonite of all kryptonite. Like, you get a human being on the road path to doubt, and we can dismantle ourselves and we can dismantle others with it. At the core of it. It's the core of manipulation. And so I just wanted to point this out because I think she makes such a great Point here about sometimes it's not even about what you want or what you feel like is fun and exciting and thrilling in your own relationship. Very quickly, Valentine's Day can become about pleasing others or being this exterior demonstration to the world that my relationship is fine. How is yours? Right. And we're trying to prove it and demonstrate it by what I get and what we do and how much money was spent. And, you know, yeah, I got my delivery, my singing telegram, my bundle of flowers, my balloons. Right. And so it's in these ways that all of our fears and insecurities, and believe me, we have a lot of them, we all do as human beings. And if you fall in this camp, don't feel alone. It's really normal. Because in our relationships, that is where we're the most vulnerable. That is where we have difficult things come up that we're not quite sure how to navigate and handle. And the last thing any of us want is to feel like we've disappointed at the person that's most important to me or that they might perhaps disappoint me. So it brings up a lot of stuff.

Well, that's that. That wonderful comparison process that we go through and that what was shared, I think, is. Is the comparison on steroids for all of the focus around this particular day and how that come on the short end of the stick.

Well, and the reason why comparing your relationship and your situation and your partner to anyone and anything else is so detrimental is it creates that doubt inside of you. There is no amount of comparison that's going to help you feel better. And when you start going down that road, you need to stop because your situation is very different than anybody else's. What you need, what you want, believe it or not, is very unique and different to you. And what makes a really great relationship is a relationship that works for the two. And I jokingly say, or more people.

In it, or said another way, this is a framework we say often in our body of work, is the only rules that apply in a relationship are the rules between the people involved.

Yes. And so when we start comparing, all we're doing is beginning to doubt ourselves. And instead of going down, you know, that rabbit hole, I would encourage you to start thinking about what it is you want to create, what it is you want to experience, where it is you want to go next. And then that fills us with possibility and hope and new ideas and new strategies to go in the direction that we want to go. And so often we forget that that path is available. Right. We forget that that is an option in regards to where it is we want to go in our relationships with our lovers. So then we thought, well, okay, if it's too expensive and it's too lavish and, like, doing these things and creating this open display of love creates problems in our lives. What if we were to get more? And I love what this client had to say about that.

Last year, when I was trying to convince Janet that flowers were sort of a waste of money, I told her that she should try and think of more practical terms for something that she would like. And so she went and bought a new car.

Isn't that great? She's like, okay, fine. I don't need flowers. You're absolutely right. I'm gonna take care of this myself, and I'm gonna go down and buy a new car. And then he was like, whoa, whoa, whoa. You know, I think I'm gonna go back to the flowers idea. Right. I think that that's maybe a better idea. I mean, and she did need a new car, but, you know, geez, you know, how do I navigate that one?

Stacy, you're not planning on buying a new car on Sunday, are you? No, thank you.

I got other plans on Sunday. Buckle your seatbelt. And so maybe. Maybe being practical, too, isn't something. And this takes us back to something that we've mentioned in previous shows, but I think it highlights here to make a moment that's memorable. It doesn't take anything like a new car. It doesn't take anything expensive. It doesn't take much more than just a mere do something that you don't typically do. I mean, that's it.

Now, I. Would you agree or disagree, Mrs. Bartley? I would say that moments that matter many times are not convenient.

No, they don't. Why? Why aren't they convenient? Let's talk about that for a minute. I think you bring up a really great point. Why aren't moments that matter convenient, Tom?

Oh, well, because they're just. They're outside of the normal process of your day.

Yeah. You've got to actually spend some time and think about it.

And what do they say about thinking? It's really hard. That's why very few of us do it, myself included.

Fear is going through the motions, like we talked about earlier. Checking a box, you know, getting the traditional. This is how it's supposed to go. To actually switch it up a little bit, it's going to require me to get a bit creative.

And so that's. I can't overemphasize that distinction. Though. So again, we tend to think, you know, significant moments, you know, expensive. Again, believe me, we're not opposed to beautiful things and nice things. But many times I think when we get to the end of our days, most of the regret is not around expensive things. It's around moments that will be missed that matter.

And you know what? When couples finally come, because you know, I do divorce mediation as well, and when couples get through the other side, when they reminisce about the wonderful things that they've created. And by the way, if by chance you're maybe looking at that or in the throes of that or coming out of that, I just want to, I just want to take a moment here and remind you that all of the good that was created and experienced in your relationship, whatever it may be, is still good and still deserves to be counted. When we're going through challenges like a divorce, we tend to think that the whole, you know, three years, the whole 35 years was for naught, right? It was a waste of time, it was a waste of energy. No, it was not. There were wonderful experiences on there. There were wonderful things created, there were wonderful things done by the two of you in your co creation. And it's important that as you come out the other side and it didn't last as long as you had hoped it was going to, those things that you experienced still count, they still matter. They were still wonderful experiences. And so that takes me to the point of there is no such thing as a failed relationship. Because every single relationship that you have ever been in or will ever be in contributes to who you are right now and who it is you're becoming in this next moment and in this next breath. It all counts, it all matters, right? And so there is nothing like, oh, that was a huge waste of time. No, it was not. So just want to give you that food for thought. If by chance you're somebody who's maybe in the throes of that. But as we come out the other side of divorce, it's important for us to understand and realize, to focus on where it is we want to go next once we've gotten through the loss. And as they reminisce about the loss in their relationship, it's always the simple things. It is always very, very rarely. My clients share the big things. The trips to Maui, right? The new house. It's, oh, I miss them making coffee for me in the morning. I wish how I really miss how we used to go for a walk after dinner. We used to have this Dog. And it would lay between the two of us and it would always pant in her face. And I miss that. I miss his laugh. I miss the way that he used to hold my hand. It's always in the simple stuff that when we talk about all you gotta do is a little something different. It just means you gotta get a little creative and step out of the norm and just put a little thought in it and get out of checking the boxes, going through the motions. And it's something as simple as doing something you don't typically do. As maybe if she always does the cooking, you do the cooking, right? Instead of eating on the table, right. You make a picnic on the floor. Right. You go for a walk, you have a picnic out in the backyard. You play a game. There's so many. There are so many. You say, dance with me. You play their favorite song, you record a poem, you write a letter. You do something that you don't typically do. And I guarantee you, if you just make the choice and the decision to do it, it's only going to take you five minutes. But we make it up in our thinking, in this illusionary thinking that it's going to be a big deal. It's going to take a long time and I don't know what to do. And I start focusing on that and I forget about what it is I can do to just make it memorable, make a moment that counts. So we're going to dive deeper into this conversation, but we're going to take a break right now so that can kind of just settle in. I know I've thrown a lot at you, so let's take a breather right now and we'll come back and talk about this more.

Are you tired of sitting on a couple's counselor's couch and feeling like you're just rehashing the past and making no progress? Do you feel like you're holding on to your relationship but panicked you're losing your partner? It's time to learn how to deepen your connection. Finally resolve the arguments that keep coming up. Understand yourself and your partner and create the level of intimacy you've been dreaming of. It's time for love to tingle your toes again. Schedule your private session with relationship expert stacey bartley@staceybartley.com checkup.

Ready to learn the most important thing you can do to revitalize your relationship today? Go to stacybartley.com fairydust staceybartly.com fairydust this is the number one thing Stacy teaches her VIP clients that has the power to improve the health of your relationship today, learn how sprinkling a little fairy dust in your relationship can stop arguments in their tracks. Rekindle your spark and take your difficult conversations from the struggle bus to easy street.

Do you feel like your love life is on life support? It's time for a turbocharged relationship resuscitation with an alternative to marriage counseling. Head over to staceybartley.com to learn more about their proprietary programs their clients use to save their relationship. S-T-A C I B A R T L E Y.com Visit staceybartley.com today. Be sure to support the sponsors of your favorite shows on Alternative Talk 1150.

Welcome back. We have been talking about Valentine's Day from all different angles and perspectives. From dreading it to making it a special moment and the difference between going through the motions and actually taking the five minutes that it takes to make it count. And it's not big things as we've been talking about. It's little things. It's different things. It's really novelty. Novelty is something that we don't traditionally do or typically do in our day to day routine lives. And by the way, it's the easiest way out of a rut. If by chance you feel like you're stalemating, it's bringing in a little something different.

Well, yes, not, I mean this is not us saying, but you know, it's proven novelty, you know. So another way to explain that would be just different, fun, unique is a huge game changer in so many ways. But all around this particular day, which is this coming Sunday, if you're listening live or shortly thereafter is Valentine's Day. But yeah, just it doesn't take a whole lot other than some thought to, to bring some novelty into what might be different for you and your in your relationship.

Yeah. And please step out of this. You got to sit down and you got to strategize and put a plan together and it's going to. No, no, no, just decide you're going to do something like we had suggested earlier, write a poem, decide to make dinner. What are you going to make? Make something simple. It doesn't even matter if you're the one that traditionally doesn't cook and you come home and you've made dinner. I mean, I know Tom sometimes does that and it's just such a wonderful surprise. Right? It's just like, oh my gosh, that's so cool.

Go out and get, buy some coffee, you know, before you leave for work and bring it home for, for your Partner.

Well. And in the full disclosure, I called Tom out of the blue yesterday and he goes, wow, this is so cool. What a great surprise. And I was actually calling him not to say, hi, I'm thinking of you, I'm missing you. Our dog had just recently gone through a surgery and we needed a dog collar. And I was calling to ask him to please pick one up. And as he said, oh, I could tell in his voice it was like, oh my gosh, this is such a wonderful surprise. I was like, gosh, I need to do that. I need to just take three minutes out of my day and call him for no reason at all. That's novelty. So as we had shared, we have been having clients kind of chime in right throughout the show here to kind of share some of their thoughts and perspectives on the Valentine's Day. And this one is right up the novel alley. There was a client of mine who's recently gone through a divorce and she received a Valentine card in the mail from her mother for herself and her son. And they had this. That transpired as a surprise for them both.

He did get a Valentine's car today for my mom and it had money in it to take me out on a date.

So he's super excited.

Oh, that's cool.

Isn't that so cool? So this client's mom knew that she was right spending her first Valentine's Day in a long time alone. And so she sent a Valentine's Day card to her daughter and her grandson so that the six year old grandson could take the mom out to dinner.

So there, there's a nice, tremendous demonstration of some novelty right there.

Right. And thoughtfulness. That didn't take long. It was as long to think of the idea and pop some cash in a card in the mail. And just like that, that's how simple it can be. And wherever you find yourself on Valentine's Day today, right. It's a good place to be. It's okay to be wrestling with it. It's okay to be feeling sad or angry or upset about it because Valentine's Day is going to bring up the emotional place that all find ourselves in our relationships.

Well, and just a reminder, I mean, I know Stacy, you have a, if we have time, you have a fun family tradition. But Valentine's Day, again, commercially, it's usually for our significant person in our life. But we would say, I mean, we're a loving relationship, body of work, it's for all of the people in our lives that are that mean a lot to us.

So here's the kicker, you guys. Historically, Valentine's Day, really, I mean, it's always kind of been about lovers, right, and confessing your love. But it has also been about. In my lifetime, and I would say short, right, honey?

Oh, yes, very short. Much shorter than mine. Wink, wink.

In my lifetime, when Valentine's Day would come around, my mom would bring out the construction paper and the doilies and the glue.

What's a doily?

Doily is something that we don't see much anymore. It's like this little paper thing that looks like a piece of lace. And traditionally, it was put on a little plate back in the day to make it look pretty and fancy. And so you put the doily on the plate, and then you would place, like, your little candies or your little cake or whatever. It was kind of looked at as this special little thing.

Nice.

So, like, did you not have doilies when you were growing up?

Doesn't seem to be popping to the.

Top of my mind.

What a shock.

You weren't very fancy, were you, mom and your four brothers. I can see that. But here we used to get the doilies out, the construction paper, the pens, and the glue. And what we would do is we would make valentines for not just our lovers, but for our community, our close friends, our neighbors, people who were significant in our lives. It was a communal thing. And so you would send a valentine and you would write a handwritten note to your bff. Right. You would send it to. I had a second mom that lived just around the corner to us, and I always had to make sure that she would get one. And there was an older gentleman that lived next to our house that. Right. Would always invite me in for candy and snacks, you know, and Mr. Parker, he was amazing, and I always made sure that he got.

How would. Would you then deliver them on Valentine's evening?

Well, yes, and sadly for me, this tradition has really kind of gone by the wayside. The thing is, is you would go and place the valentine on the porch, and you would knock on the door, and then you would run and you would get away. It was kind of like door ditching for real, but it was permissible then, and it was a heck of a lot of fun. And so you'd place the valentine and. And maybe it would have a treat or maybe not, but always just a personalized note in there about why you're giving this valentine to this particular person and what they mean to you. And then you would strategically place it on the porch, knock on the door, and Then get the heck out of dodge. Like if that meant you had to like jump in the bushes. Right. And I remember staging it so that you were close to the door on the eve of Valentine's Day. So the whole trick was if somebody was knocking on your door, you'd catch them. Right. And you always were trying to like play this cat and mouse game. There were a couple times, in the spirit of full disclosure, I have three older brothers that were quite pranksters that they would attach the valentine to a piece of fishing line. So that was see through. And they would intentionally get it all set up and place the valentine on the porch and then they would dive in the bushes. And then when the person would open up the door and try and snag the valentine, they would pull on the fishing line so that they couldn't reach it. It was moving, right? As a. These are all the fun things that used to go down at Valentine's Day. Right. You know, all this to say that as the evolution and progression of Valentine's Day has taken hold now, some 40 plus years later, we've gotten more into the commercialization of it and less away from the intent of just letting the people in your life, lovers or not, know that they're important to you, that they're significant to you, that the role that they play in your life means something to you. And that's, I think, the part about Valentine's Day that I miss the most. For me, it wasn't always about lovers and making this big show in this display about how much we love each other to the world or even to ourselves and each other. Valentine's Day was always a day where we just appreciated. We took a moment to think about and appreciate the people in our lives. And then of course, we had this fun activity that we would set about performing. And I'm thankful the only place I know it's still alive is with ourselves and our grandchildren. And I'm not quite sure who's going to show it first this year to prank who, but, you know, we always try and get the jump on that.

Yeah, no, you know, wonderful, again, wonderful story and you know it. I can't overemphasize and believe me, I'm leading the way here. I tend to be a pretty, you know, pretty systematic.

Would that.

Is that a good word? Kind of a. Kind of a person. So Stacy's a great influence and a great reminder. It doesn't take a lot to really, really change how significant an experience can be with, again, not at all related to money. Again. We're not against money. Nice things are nice. But oftentimes when we think that's the case, that will allow us to easily dismiss that. So we can bring novelty and unique and creativity. And if we just take a pause and think, what would be different than the normal way that I potentially have celebrated this day with those around us that mean a lot to us? And so that is a fun one, and that's been a fun tradition for Stacy and I since we've come together, is I wonder who's going to knock on the door first tonight.

Not tonight, but on.

Oh, excuse me. Yeah.

Are you going to knock on my door tonight?

We're on radio, honey.

So there is a question then. So does Valentine's Day create love and does it help us keep love or does it diminish love in our relationships?

Well, those are good ones. Say those again.

Number one, Valentine's Day, create love.

Number one.

How many of us out there are going, okay, this is the moment. That was the other thing we used to do at Valentine's Day. You'd always confess who it is you had a crush on and. And you'd always ask somebody to go steady with you. I don't think we do that anymore. Right. Do you remember going steady, honey? Did you ever ask a girl to go steady? I don't know that I've ever asked you that.

Yeah, I'm not. I don't know if I've asked a girl to go steady with me.

Did you ask. Did you. Was that a thing when you were growing up?

Yeah. I think it's hard to remember. I asked you to marry me.

Well, yeah, it's. And that's awesome.

That's a big one. Yeah.

Going steady meant that.

Yeah, I know. It was around. I don't know if I.

Maybe some of our listeners don't know what. Going steady.

Yeah.

Do you want to describe it? Go ahead.

Well, that would be. Well, that was some form of. You were committing to that person, like, with, like a little exclusive. Yeah. Yeah. Or you put like a little. Little promise ring on your finger. Right. I was searching.

Or a chain around your neck or there was a ring or a chain or something.

And that.

That noted. You were taken.

Okay, gotcha. So, yeah. So if. If we're dating ourselves. That was a thing. Yeah. That you just took a form of. Of step. The next level of your relationship. I guess. Yes.

Yeah, absolutely. And that was the demonstration to everybody that. That you were going steady with somebody. And you know what's interesting? The other thing that I will Just point out here is that that was always something exciting and thrilling. I remember feeling pressured because I didn't have anybody to go steady with. Like. Like everybody else was going steady and I wasn't. And getting into a committed, kind of exclusive relationship was something that was a get to. It was, like, exciting and thrilling. And now the mindset is completely flipped. Like, if you are going steady or you are in some kind of a committed relationship, you know, it's almost like people view you as. You've got the word stupid tattooed across your forehead. Why would anybody do that?

Or the ball and chain.

Or the ball and chain. Right? So it's just interesting to look back and see how the evolution of Valentine's Day has definitely evolved. And, yeah, I'll leave it up to you to decide. Decide if it's for the better or for the worse. But I can tell you it's important for us to take maybe a moment and not necessarily categorize it in the realm of romantic relationships, but think about all the relationships in your life that mean something to you, that contribute to you and your life, regardless of where you might be in your status of committed relationships. Because I think that that's the more significant part when it comes to Valentine's Day, is honoring and appreciating the people who play a role in your life. And, gosh, what it means to feel acknowledged and appreciated or. Most of us don't even know that we play a role or contribute to somebody's life in some kind of a significant way. Whether I'm a friend or a teacher. Right. Or a lover or a co worker or a neighbor, we don't know these things. And it's so wonderful when somebody. Somebody says, man, you really mean something to me. Happy Valentine's Day. I mean, that could be a thing that you could do in your community, right? I. I think that it's the best, best part of Valentine's Day. So to answer this question, does Valentine's Day create love? Does it help us keep love, or does it diminish love in our relationships? I have a clip here from a client of mine, and I love how she says it best.

But.

But in high school, I remember they were doing a fundraiser, and you could write. You could, like, pay a dollar. And they would write, you know, to Cassie from Lara, you know, just my friends, and we'd send them to each other. And that was, like, so fun because it was unexpected, I think. And I feel like there's lots of things. There's a girl at my work that always Gets like once a. A month, her husband gives her this bouquet. And I just think, oh, a lot of money. So, like, it doesn't bother me. Or like balloons, they pop, they fade, you know, I don't know. Like, it doesn't. That doesn't bother me, like, if everybody else gets something and I don't because I think it's. It's kind of like the Facebook idea, right? People put stuff on Facebook or in. Or some kind of social media, but that doesn't mean I'm not getting something or mine's not better.

You know.

I love that it doesn't mean that mine's not better, that what I have at home I know is good. I don't need the display and the show and the presence to let me know that I'm in a good place and that I love what I have. Have. And you guys, you know, isn't that the place that we're all striving for, especially when it comes to our romantic relationships, is it's not so much about what we do on Valentine's Day. It's about appreciating and acknowledging what we have.

Well, and I think that was. That was a great share about, like we had said, not comparing, you know, being very mindful of, like, really remembering what do I have and what am I grateful for and not, you know, choosing to play that comparison, you know, process and exercise that many of us oftentimes do. And that usually can send us down the whole of being in a rabbit hole, if you will. So I think that was a really nice share by our client to say, like, I'm good, you know, I understand and appreciate what I have.

I think mine is better. I love that line. I think mine is better. What I have and what I experience is better. And it wasn't flashy. Right. I don't have to tell the world, and I don't have to take a special picture. And I have. I'm not knocking on anybody who does want to do that and enjoys doing that. Not at all. It's the principle that we're pointing to that when you know you have something that works for you, when you know you have something that's good and there's a confidence in that, wow, that's a great place to be. And that's where we want you to go in your significant relationships. That's the magical place where you don't need to demonstrate it anymore. You don't need that box checked. You don't need somebody to show up in any sort of way. But you know, and you. You know in your heart because you feel it, you know, because you experience it, and not just maybe on Valentine's Day, but every day. And that brings me to the last clip that I think kind of brings this all up and wraps it in a wonderful bow. Go ahead and play that one.

Not really.

Do you think. Well, there was.

There was a ton. I think that we tried to make more out of it, but it seems like. Yeah, to me, it just seems like every. Whatever you're supposed to do, you really should try and do it every day or something, and then it's not a special day anymore. If you try to try to do that on a daily basis.

All right, then Valentine's Day, if you're showing the person that you care about the most that you care every day, it doesn't become this place where I feel like I need to do this demonstration, that I need to do this display, or I don't need the reassurance that sometimes we use Valentine's Day for. Right. It's like, you'd better give me something, because I need to be assured that you're in this and that you care. And then I. Valuable and important to you. And we feel like if that happens on that particular day, then we're good to roll. Not necessarily. Right. It's all about the emotional intent behind why we're doing what we're doing.

Yeah. And I would say the frequency. You know, I mean, if you can bring those. Those powerful rituals that mean a lot between you and your loved ones, again, whether that's your significant partner or spouse, husband, children, family members. I mean, Stacy and I, one of our. One of our really, really powerful rituals is we pretty much, without interruption, have coffee together every morning. So before we conquer and divide in our own, Whatever our own schedules require of us, you know, we come together and we share. And even after 10 years of almost not missing a day, it's something I still really, really get excited about. I mean, and it's just. It's a very, very place where we don't allow many interruptions unless maybe it's an emergency from one of our. And it's just a place to really, you know, connect and share.

Well, sometimes read a book or sometimes share a poem, or we'll talk about business, or we'll talk about the family. We'll talk about what's going on. How many. How many times have we talked to each other off that ledge?

Oh, my gosh, many times. It will be. There'll be tears that, you know, Stacy Usually, I mean, if we don't cry by the end of coffee, that's a rare day. So, I mean, because we're. We love to experience the richness of life. And so that's. I mean, that's a. It's a very simple. Today we didn't even go anywhere. You know, our dogs had some surgery. So. So I said, hey, why don't we just have. We bought some wonderful coffee from. It reminds us our wonderful trip in Italy. And that's a. That's a. That's a podcast or podcast for an. Or live show for another time. But, you know, just. Just bringing some simple ritual into your life can bring so much richness and meaning to it.

Yeah.

Valentine's Day and every day.

So Valentine's Day, does it create love? Does it help us keep love? Or does it diminish love in our relationships? The answer is it has the power to do all of these things. And the difference maker is how you personally hold it. The reality is Valentine's Day is not just for those in romantic relationships. It's for relationships that cause an impact and an appreciation in your own personal life. Today, I invite you to think about it as your chance to spread some love to the people in your circle who deserve it or perhaps need it the most. And don't forget, that includes giving some. Some love and appreciation to yourself as well. I want you to understand, to know that love shows up when we smile. It shows up when we say a kind word. We help someone appreciate someone. We take a moment to just connect. 22 seconds, we laugh ourselves silly. And yes, dance. It's my favorite form when right things are going a little right. Just get up and dance and move your body for a minute. And yes, you can dance in the rain if it's raining. I need you to understand that simple actions like these are the ones that bring us love that we long for. The truth is, we get to choose to have love right now in our lives each and every single day, Valentine's Day or not. And the reality is, the more that you experience feelings of love in your life, the easier it is to find your special someone or create a special moment with your someone to share it with. And that's the end of it, right? That's really the crux of the whole thing, is that we all have the power to create love, regardless of where we find ourselves circumstantially, regardless of maybe some of the fears and insecurities that we have about my own romantic relationship, and we can step outside of that. We can remember that love. Well, it's floating around and all I need to do is some simple actions to experience it in my heart and in my mind right now. And I can do that on my own or I can actually involve someone else if I choose to. And it doesn't have to be my romantic partner. And then little by little, I began to feel a little bit better and I began to enjoy myself and life a little bit more. And to me, that's what Valentine's Day is about. And so wherever you might find yourself, I hope that you find that helpful. Love is all around us all the time. And Valentine's Day is just the great time to remember this. We are and can be the creators of love in our lives so we can experience that toe tingling feeling that we all so long for for. So you see, Valentine's Day, simply put, is just a tribute to the lover inside of all of us. May you embrace it boldly today. So as we wrap up our show today, I just hope that that gives you some solace, maybe a different way to view Valentine's Day and know that wherever you are, it's time to create some love. That's the reminder. So as we wrap up and bring our time to a close, I also want to take a moment, babe, maybe I'll let you share this about our upcoming challenge in case this is something that you want to come and join us in. I mean, I would highly recommend it.

Yeah, we've got a. We feel like a really, really good, you know, five day challenge coming up. It's 100% free. It's our way to contribute and it's reset your relationship in five days flat. That's going to be happening March 8th through March 12th. And what you can expect is five days full of free live workshops, foolproof roadmaps, and the exact trips. Excuse me, Trips. Maybe tricks.

We're going to take a trip.

Yeah, we're going to take a trip with you.

Absolutely.

Tricks and tools you'll need to reset your relationship. So again, that's March 8th through March 12th. You can find everything about it at staceybartley. Com. Reset, reset.

S, T, A, C. I don't let the spelling of Stacy trip you up. S, T, A, C, I, B, A, R, T, L, E, Y.

You can go there and sign right forward, slash reset. Yes. And get you started. I mean, get you in the, in the queue, if you will. And that's happening March 8th through March 12th, we'll remind you. But yeah, it's going to be really, really good. I mean, what better time, I think, you know, for all of us. What do they tell you to do? I always like to say, what do they tell you to do when you're having tech problems? What does your tech person tell you? Have you restarted your computer, your device? So that's literally what we're. What we're going to share about, you know, doing with our relationships.

And we want to just have you or shout, have you extended an invitation to you to come back and join us next week? We're going to be talking about the critical role that courage plays when it comes to love. We don't talk about courage a lot as a part of relationships, but it absolutely plays a very significant role. Critical role. And gosh, if you've enjoyed today's show, please share it, pass it around. I think there's a lot of comfort that we all need right now. We all need to be reminded that we're important, that we're valuable to someone somewhere in their life. And why not let that start with you? You start that spark by letting the people in your life know that they're valuable and important to you. And that includes even writing a letter of appreciation and acknowledgement for all that you've been through and survived in this last year to yourself. It can begin right there. The song that I've chosen today to kind of take us out on the wings of love is Cupid by Lloyd. You know, Cupid strikes every year. It brings up things for us, good, bad or ugly. My personal hope for all of humanity is that we muster up what we need, the courage that's necessary to pursue love for the lifetime that we have have. It seems that nothing can seem to replace that head spinning feeling that only love can bring. Make it a happy Valentine's Day, you guys. Regardless of where you may be in this moment, as the power to create it, love experience of acceptance and appreciation, it lies within you. And I'm just gonna say the song is really fun to dance to as well. So shake your booty on right. Let's have some fun. Feel good. Let's go, go. Bye. Bye.

See you next week, everybody.