Night of Courage 2012- Full Evening Show

Sam.

I'm such an idiot. I always do this.

Why did I take the 580?

I'm gonna be late.

God, I'm so tired of being late.

Maybe I should get off. Of course everyone's gonna let me get over.

Are you?

No, of course not.

Always acquiescing to everyone. I should just cut in. Just do that all the time. I do it about everything.

Then I end up late.

You look like the walking dead.

Look so pale. This just can't be how I'm supposed to look. Why am I always so tired?

I'm so tired.

I should go somewhere.

I should take a vacation.

Oh, my God.

It's him.

Please don't see me. I look awful. Please don't look over here.

What am I doing?

It doesn't matter if he sees me. I am not in his league, that's for sure.

Why don't I have to carry all my weight in my stomach? I look like Buddha and I'm less enlightened. I need to stop drinking red wine and eating cheese. It's cancer.

Just know it.

My family, my dad, uncle. I eat like a pig. I want the kids to know how scared I am. It's like I'm all by myself. I don't know where to go.

I won't eat lunch today.

Just water. David. Brook. Donuts again.

All right.

I'm not eating a donut. I'm not eating a donut.

I love donuts.

I feel wonderful this morning. I love living in the city. And Scott. I'm so excited to spend this weekend with them. Look at you. Happy people are so annoying.

Hello. Hey, Scott. I was just thinking about you. Hey, you dropped this.

I am willing to change.

I'm willing to release my old patterns and negative beliefs. The power that created me has given me the power to create my new life.

I choose positive, fulfilling, new thoughts.

I begin anew right here, right now.

All of us are on a journey. Whether we know it or not.

We are all on a journey of.

Learning to express our full potential in this world.

Most of us have learned to view our thoughts as a reflection of the outside world. A reflection of what is happening to us.

But what if that's not how the universe works?

What if with every thought, you think you are actually creating your present and your future?

What if you are creating the story of your life with the very thought you are thinking now?

Then perhaps, if we are willing to.

Change the way we think, wondrous new.

Possibilities would begin to reveal themselves to us. And our lives would move in a Whole new direction.

It all starts with taking the first step.

They said you wouldn't make it so.

Far and ever since they said it.

It'S been hard but never mind the night you had to cry because you had can never let it go inside you work too hard you know exactly what you want and need so believe.

And you can never give up you.

Can reach your goals Just talk to your soul and say I can.

I believe I know the dream.

Know.

That'S why.

I do believe.

And you know that your moves will let them show you keep creating in your mind Sometimes believe they will come true and die it will be fine Leave all of your cares and STs behind night just let go let the.

Lo.

J.

I will believe Even though I think it's not for me I won't heal up I'll keep it looking to the sky I will achieve on my knees I will always believe.

I believe I can't I believe I can.

Is what I do believe.

Give it up for the Eureka High cheerleaders and all the Eureka High kids from Abbott and Relay for Life.

So welcome Humboldt county to the seventh annual Night of Courage. And as the song says, I believe I believe I can. We believe we can. And that's what tonight is all about. It's about setting our intention for the second half of our life and giving it up and breaking loose of our fears just a little bit and having fun and dance like nobody's watching. Because I know every time I try to dance, my kids say, mom, please don't do that. Really. I know white girls don't dance. She doesn't have any rhythms. So that's why we invited such an amazing group. It was so fun to get to be involved with some of the programs and the high school the last couple of weeks. But when I went and I went to one of the cheerleading.

Their practices, you know, they. They started practice at five and it was like nine o' clock, they were finished. And then I watched little Megan Kramer the other day walk to school and she had this many books. It's like, how do they have time to practice and then still get all their homework done? But we turned the song on and two seconds later they had the rhythm, they had the beat, they had this. It's like, man, their minds think different things than some of ours. It's just amazing. So I really appreciate the fact that they were just so engaged to just jump in there and do things. And that's what life and being in the moment and being spontaneous is all about. And that's what Courage Night is about. It's to set loose our dreams and our fears and our freedoms. And it's about possibility. So tonight is about each and every single one of us. It's time for us to take a halftime. It's time for us to slow down for a moment and quit all the busyness and think about what is it that I want for the second half of my life or the second part of the rest of the year? So we're going to do just a little bit of housekeeping. You guys have some little cards, but I also want to just spend a little bit of time in just appreciation. Are we not blessed, number one, to live in Humboldt County? It's been so fun every year when we bring a speaker into our area to get to drive them through all the wonders. I mean, when you come into Oldtown and it looks like we live on the backside of Disney, when we take them and see the beautiful water, when we get to show them, I mean, you know, we didn't sometimes have time to go clear into the redwoods, but it's really nice that we have Sequoia park and we can run down to the zoo and it's like you can travel down that little path and see the redwoods. But then we get into this theater and we really see what possibility is all about. And we always think every single year that the Arkleys had a vision and they had a dream and people told them not to and don't do it, but they did it anyway. So take a moment just to honor and welcome the Arkleys for letting us have this beautiful place in our community.

And they have been true way showers of having a vision and having a dream and always having somebody tell them that they can't. Because if you never say that I can, you'll never find out that you could. And if you never ask the question, the answer will always be no. And if you never take a step forward, you're going to be in the same place today that you were tomorrow. So tonight is about divorcing your fears and your doubts. It is about saying goodbye to the naysayers in our life. And it is welcoming in all the opportunity and it's getting reunited and married to your dreams. So in your envelopes that you have, there's these little things we call intention cards. And intention cards are the magic little way of creating what I want to create for myself for this upcoming year. So you all have homework, you're sitting in the appropriate place. I kind of remember sitting in seats like this when we took our SAT tests or we took some other things and there was proctors on the side. And tonight my staff are proctors. So they're going to be collecting from you your intention cards. And for any of you that have been here in past years that you haven't picked up your intention cards on the way out, we have last year's intention cards. For you. An intention card is a vision and a dream that you're going to be able to create. So I am creating the possibility for whatever it might be. This summer we were at a wedding and a guest came up to my daughter and she says, you know that night of courage thing that you do every year? She goes, I came a few years ago and those intention cards she had me do, I thought it was kind of hokey, but as I was getting ready to come to this wedding, I was changing purses and I ran into that intention card thing that you had us do. And on the intention card it says, I'm going to run a marathon. And she went, oh, my gosh, it was three years ago that I came and I have now run my third marathon. So there's something magic about putting it into space and time and letting God, the universe kind of like accept those possibilities. So take the time tonight as you're inspired by a video, you're inspired by a speaker, you're inspired by those kids getting up and dancing and being able to see if you could maybe do a cartwheel or something again. I don't know. But think about what it was that I want to create for myself and write that down. Also, we have a couple of other rituals that we love to perform here at Night of Courage. And one of those rituals is creating appreciation and acknowledgement. And I think sometimes we don't take the time to really acknowledge and honor those people that are so special in our lives. So we've created little cards. We were going to get around to doing ribbons. So maybe next year if any of you want to help us. I love this term that I have just adored from Debbie Farber Bush last year. One of our torch award winners is called Voluntold. So any of you that would love to have some ball and tolds in your life, we could use some help. But there are ribbon cards in there. Our courage awareness ribbons that anytime you find somebody that's doing something with an act of kindness in honor, heart and inspiration, just acknowledge them for it. Because we are so gifted in our life from the beginning, from it might have been the next door neighbor that taught us how to tie our shoes. Or it might have been the teacher that really spent a little extra time with us after school when we really didn't know which way to go. But as we think back in our life, there are always those people that have a special place and really maybe have not gotten acknowledged. So part of what our tribute at Night of Courage is, is to create intention of honoring people that have showed inspiration, heart and courage. And that's what kind of came out of our TORCH Awards. As we've gone through our seven years journey, it keeps growing. And my kids said, you're going to do what now? And I said, well, I think this would be great. And I said, mom, you always have way too many ideas. And about in the middle of this, I realized, I think you're right. I had way too many ideas. So next year, we're hoping to put that ribbon in there. But the TORCH Awards are acknowledgement pieces where we have found some of the most amazing stories. And. And the appreciation actually came three years ago when Chet Jarbou, that is with Shenandoah Films, that actually gave me this idea. He said, susan, instead of always finding these videos that we go out and find stories, how about if we go out and find some inspiring stories in our community? So as Jordan and I were running around town this last two weeks, I said, this was Chet's idea. This was Chet's idea. So thank you, Chet, for doing that. But let me tell you that you would not have an amazing evening if it wouldn't be for Jordan Packer from Shenandoah Films, who has dedicated the last two weeks to totally doing whatever I needed to have done. It's like, hey, can you be here for a minute? Can you be here for a minute? So I want to take just a special moment and acknowledge Jordan and Chet for all the amazement that they have helped put on this evening.

Night of Courage actually started off as an inspiration when I realized that sometimes we never take the time to celebrate the tudems in our life. We're so worried about our to do our to do our to do our to do our to do that we never just take a moment to be excited. Of all the things that we accomplished the first year, it actually really started out as a celebration of living beyond cancer. But we realized after the first year, it really didn't matter whether you had cancer, whether it was was the loss of a loved one, whether it was the loss of a job, or whether it was just the kids spilling the milk. But it takes courage. It takes power. It takes intention just to get up and live our second half or the rest of our life. So we decided that it would be great every year. And it's kind of great that it's right before January that we take a moment to sit down and think about all the amazement that we have to be in gratitude, to be thankful for the beautiful place that we live and just to be excited about the possibility of what's coming for our future. So this is time for you just to create that opportunity to do that. We also were very inspired by an amazing client of mine. And when I had gone through my second battle of cancer, my daughter was actually cutting her hair one day. And when she heard that I was diagnosed the second time, she said she jumped out from. From around the corner of getting her haircut. And she goes, susan, what I want you to do is I want you to go get a binder, and I want you to tap it, and I want you to put your surgery notes, your doctor's notes, I want you to put your lab reports, I want you to ask for every piece of information, because when you go in and you listen to the doctors, you're going to be like deer in headlights. And she was right. It became the only thing that I could actually have some sanity to understand what was actually happening at the moment. It allowed me to take my emotions and transfer the information seven years later, as my bookkeeper will tell you that it's probably the only thing that's organized in my life, because at least I have a place that I can stuff it. It's not just the box that I bring to her at the end of the year, and she's got to try to figure out what it was or which drawer I actually stuffed it in. But at least I have a place in a semblance that I can go back and I can rewrite, read what my path report was. Because it's really important for us to create a team, a team with our medical professionals that can kind of help give us that information, because those poor doctors have so much information, and especially now that we have Google and we can look up and we can give ourselves 100 more diagnoses than we really have, but it helps us narrow it down and understand what we were told so that we have the information so that we can ask a better question. So part of what we do here at Night of Courage is we pay tribute to a young woman at 38 years old that lost her life to breast cancer because she didn't have enough information. And it was the only way that that family could put some order and try to help and take control in their life. And so one of the other ideas that I came up with and Lori Watson Stone, who unfortunately isn't with us tonight, I remember calling her from my hospital bed and said, lori, there's more that we can do. We need to get some more information. There needs to be more communication. I want to do something more. And she says, whatever you want to do. And she's been so amazing over the last seven years. Every time I come up with another idea, she goes, okay, let's just do it. St. Joseph has been so amazing at just being able to help partners so that we can help other people cross that bridge. And we all learn from maybe what we have learned. Every single family has a story, and that story needs to be shared because the information that you have gained through that experience will create in a better place. So the Health Advocacy Organizer was dedicated to a young woman. Her name is Teresa. And if you go on the website, you can watch a really great little story that it will give you that information. We talked last year about Liz, who's helped me do all the information inside of there. And we talk about. About how all the information from our second organizer ended up at the bottom of 299 in a horrible car crash. And she was in intensive care. And when I found out that she was there, I called her and I said, liz, how are you? She goes, I've ruined your organizer. I said, what do you mean you've ruined my organizer? The thumb drive with everything on it is at the bottom of the river. I said, liz, you're alive. What difference does it make? We can recreate it. So we were a little bit far behind. But I want to tell you that the thumb drive was resurrected. And tonight is the first night that we are introducing the Health Advocacy Organizer on a thumb drive that you can actually download all of your information now that it's coming to you electronically, but you can have a place to keep it so that when you especially have somebody and a family member that has a very important issue, you can have this with them so it can create peace of mind. So, Teresa, this is in your honor and in your legacy. She was a teacher, and she would want her memory to be known as a source of knowledge. So every year we acknowledge her that her life is not for nothing, but it lives on with each and every one of our families to teach us a better way to start getting in control of our healthcare information. So I want to welcome you here and thank you, and you're going to get some really exciting little information. We have a special welcome right now from a special person within our community. So I just want you to step back and watch.

On behalf of the St. Joseph Cancer Care program, I want to say congratulations to all the torch award winners and congratulations to all of you joining this important celebration. It's the courage that you show us every day that keeps us coming to work and making us want to deliver better and better care. There's no reason why our care here can't be as good as it is anywhere in the world. And we're offering that to our community now with our new cancer program. All of the right pieces are here to develop a cancer program. And, you know, once you have all the pieces, it's kind of like a puzzle. The fun of it is putting it.

Together in a way that makes everything fit and work.

We're thrilled about the multidisciplinary cancer program, and we look forward to its being.

Widely available to all members of Humboldt County.

My name is Debbie Barrow Vries. I'm one of the nurse practitioners in the area, and I would like to nominate Ellen Mahoney for the torch award this year. She has a vision of what our community can be in terms of medical and personal. She's really working hard for those goals. I know she's really working hard for this cancer center. When she came to this area, she just brought so much for women with breast cancer. We have coordinated care. We have thoughtful care. Personally, if she takes you in as a patient, she spends hours with you, she explains everything to you, and you come out sort of understanding what's happening, even if you don't understand why it's happening. So, Ellen, thank you for all you've done for us, for me, and congratulations. My privilege and my dream come true to be part of this community and to bring what I know to health here. I think it's important for doctors to remember that the root of the word doctor is teacher, not necessarily healer. So what I've tried to do is to always make sure that I teach what I know. Meanwhile, our inspiration always remains you, who show such mental and physical toughness every day, who inspire us to continue to come to work and work for you.

Ellen Mahoney is one of the most gracious, amazing, giving women that we have in Humboldt County. And I know that this is kind of a little bit of a turnaround. Come on out here, Ellen. She was so gracious. She was working at the hospital.

A little while ago. And she told somebody, do I really have to be there? I have more charts that I have to get finished. And they said, no, she needs to be here. I said, if you have to tell her that she has a surprise, I really don't care. We just need to get her there. But Ellen was on leave when I had my second diagnosis. And I remember trying and trying and trying as hard as I could to, like, convince the front desk gal that I really wanted to get into her. But this amazing woman was serving on the Oprah Council and was editing Dr. Love's book. And she has such a passion for our community. And it was so enlightened. Jordan and I got to spend about an hour with her and the other day when we were running in between, and we are so excited about what we have coming to Eureka, California, in our cancer center center. We are very lucky to live here because we have, as she told us, people are just wanting to come and be a part of it.

This is a total surprise. And I.

Am not the kind of person that likes a lot of public recognition, although I've been honored to have some. I just want to say again that my heart and my inspiration and my courage come to entirely from my patients. And I decided when I was a child that I wanted to leave this world a better place than I found it. For some reason, that little saying really hit me. And that's what I want to do. I want to. When my time here ends, I want to be totally used up. So when people say, well, you should be doing this for fun or that for fun, I'm thinking what I do is to try to find a way to give people more time. And that comes through research. It comes through trying to deliver better care, comes through everything that we can do to give them all the time that they deserve on this earth without any flubs or mistakes, and to let them know that when we can't give them more time, we can give them our love and know that we consider ourselves to be an equal to them. We'll be there one day ourselves. And hopefully after getting a lot of good stuff, stuff done. So, as Dr. Lemon said in that video clip, all the components are here to give the same level of care that you would get for almost everything if you left the county and went to a place where you thought they were up to date and coordinated. The right people are here. We just have to convince some of the doctors that by doing this, we're not criticizing what they've been doing. We're trying to amplify and make it better. And I just want to thank you so much for the recognition and thank you for this opportunity. Thank you, Ellen.

I think one of the key things that Ellen said was to give us just a little bit more time. And, you know, it's like, that's why tonight is. Tonight is to take that time out, to really recognize, are we still spending our place in the most potential. Are we spending our time the way that we want to do it every single day? So thinking about that, you know, if it's not serving us, what can we do to have something that really does serve us? And when she talks about, you know, that's what she loves to do, There are some of us that we just love to work, and that's where we get our joy, and that's okay. This balance thing has kind of turned us upside down. Balance, balance. It just puts more pressure on us. So be thinking about that. You, you know, it's like, where do I get my most joy? Where do you feel like you're standing on that mountain? When you get that feeling of synergy, that's where you need to be. And, Ellen, thank you. We are so blessed that it's somebody like you that gets that. One of the fun stories that she told us the other day, and it made me feel. Feel great, you know, as a parent, because having two professionals, she said when she and her husband were both out doing surgery, she goes, the kids would get up in the morning, they'd never know which parent was going to be there to help them pour their cereal or not. Because, you know, so we're so dedicated that somebody's willing to go out in the middle of the night and be there for those of us in need. So thank you so much. Again.

Healthcare is in trouble today, and it. If we don't watch out for it, nobody else is going as much. In my opinion, you could probably eliminate about 25% of the tests that are done today, number one. Number two, people would be healthier because they wouldn't be prescribed improper medication and et cetera, et cetera, et cetera, and there would be no duplication of tests. I think that we could see a substantial drop in the cost of health care. A lot of times we know more about our own health than the. Than the party that we're speaking with, simply because they don't follow us around 24 hours a day. So we need to be more proactive for our own. We've had another echo, and Those echoes are $2,600. He didn't need it, well, if we hadn't had that, I would have said, oh, I was probably two or three years old. We probably need it. It was written down. She opened up her book and it's an absolute diary now. Why not whenever you go to the doctor, write it down what test you had and what, what you were supposed to do, because they're going to walk through that front door. They're not going to remember, and you're probably not going to remember. And this book could be part of that record. Organizers are very nice because they're kind of like a chart. You know, they're organized and you can find what you need fairly easily.

Not to mention, it's just important to.

Know about your health. You know, if you move, if you change doctors, your doctor retires, you know, then there's the worry, well, what about my chart? Where's my information? You know, you've got it all. You're taking care of yourself as a physician, get into a situation like that with a patient and then repeat a lot of tests that should not be repeated because they're there and they weren't going to change in that period of time. So I see that as a way of saving some of those health care dollars. This gave control back to me.

And it helped me put order back into my life. It's very important doctors move away, retire.

Those records could be lost, you know, forever in San Francisco as well as locally. And faxes wouldn't make it up here a lot of times. But I had a copy of everything I picked up. All the healthcare providers were wonderful. You know, they always gave me a copy of her labs, of prescriptions. It's a win, win situation. And the other thing I've noticed too.

In talking with breast cancer survivors is.

That all of us philosophically have to make sense out of the suffering and the maladies we have in our lives.

And it's my feeling that most of us think that if what we've experienced.

Can benefit anybody else in any way.

That'S a huge contribution.

And this gives people who are even.

Survivors of breast cancer the ability to.

Put their data into a place where.

It won't just sit in some dusty basement of a hospital, but someplace where it can be used dynamically to help.

Both them, other current patients, their children, and their ideas. If you use this and keep it up, it'll give information for years to come.

Even your kids would be able to use it if you kept your book.

Up and had some of your records in there.

As things are genetic, you can actually pass that to your kids. I don't know what happened to my grandparents. Several friends that are single family members and friends. We've also talked about this, about, you.

Know, as a family member, I have.

No idea what my brother's health history is.

And he's a single guy, so if he has this in the house, if.

He gets sick, there is a place to go for information.

It might feel like we're kind of just ramming the point that it's so important to get in charge of your health care records, but your health is your greatest wealth. And tonight it's also about inspiring and creating yourself in that space so that you can keep a place of legacy. We have a kind of proud moment, too, from the Torch Awards last year when we actually started this event, when we first started doing the first conceptualized idea of the Health Advocacy Organizer, it was three years ago. We had a group of women from Baywood Golf and Country Club that really took it upon themselves that they knew that we needed to have the money to put it together. They did a golf tournament, and they raised $5,000. That gave us enough money to actually create our first group of 250 health organizers that we distributed into the community for people that had health needs and health challenges. And one day, Bob Corey was in getting his hair cut, and he saw the Health Advocacy Organizer sitting on our little table with all of our information of where to go when you were in the need of an emergency and who you could call where with the humble Breast Care project or information from acs. Because I really felt about that when you get that diagnosis, you need to have a place and a helping hand and somewhere to go. And he said, hey, Susan, if you ever need anybody to read any of that information and help people with their health records, I'd love to do it. He said, the worst day of my life was the day that I retired and I'm bored. I'd really like something to do. And I went, wow, what an amazing opportunity, an amazing gift, because the doctors sometimes don't have all the time to answer all those questions. Because remember, we brought all that information in from Google, and we have all those prescriptions, and we're getting information from this doctor and this doctor and this doctor. And now we're really confused. So he kept talking about it. We kind of went back and forth. And one day his wife was in getting a facial, and he says, you know, Bob's really serious about wanting to do this thing. I said, so why doesn't he become a health coach? She goes, what's that? I said, I don't know, let's figure it out. So we got together and brainstormed a little bit and he went and saw his attorney and he decided last year before Courage Night that that was something that he really wanted to do. And at the time he was going through throat cancer and was actually getting to be on the other side and actually be a patient. And he really saw how important it was to have somebody there to be an advocate for you. So as long as Jackie could keep him contained and the doctors could keep him contained, he finally quickly opened his practice in January with Never Holler Hoe, which is a long loved term in Humboldt County. He got it from a patient that was a logger. Never haul or hoe means never stop in the middle of a hard haul. So those of you that have all grown up in a logging community this way know that traveling up that hard road is tough, but never give in and never stop. So Never Holler Ho opened last January and it's free. It's a service that he provides with health coaching. You can bring your records in and have them bring them to them. The week before he goes through all the information, he then calls you in for an appointment, goes, sits down and takes as much time as he. You need to go through that. He has two amazing volunteers, volunteers Barbara and Eileen that have supported him through this as well his wife Jackie. And then he had a little bout with some heart stuff and he could hardly wait to get done because he's back to work. He has raised $2,500 that's been a pay it forward program since last January till now for radiation oncology. So Bob and crew, would you stand up and just give a hello and we would like to acknowledge and thank you so much for what you've.

Bob knows the importance of gathering your information and having that information with you. And ever since the conceptualized when we actually did this as a project for courage awareness, we want to support Bob and all that he does. And it is a pay it forward program so that every binder that is actually purchased from those of you that can afford one, the money goes back to produce another for someone in need. So every organizer that's actually purchased tonight and from for a while they will be contributed to Bob in giving the information so that when he helps you organize your records that you will have it put in another place. Now I know a lot of you are thinking that you know, well, okay with the new administration and we're making sure that all the electronic Records are up by 2012, and it's all taken care of. Well, it's all taken care of wherever they're going. But we also have to remember that there's a lot of scrambling and people are changing, and in this new economy, some of us aren't able to keep up the records that we've had in our one organization. We're finding people are blending and joining. It's our responsibility to take charge of our healthcare records. You would never take your bank records in, throw them on the banker's desk, and say, here, do it. Because in a moment's notice, you may not have the information that you need. My sister has a dismantlingly disabled daughter that's 21 years old, and they'd always been able to financially provide for her. Well, they decided that they were getting a little bit older and her husband was retiring. They thought that maybe we better do something to make sure that we sustain Kelly's future. So they went through the process to find out about getting her on SSI, just in case something would ever happen to them and she'd have to live on her own. But one of the processes that they went through was that they found out that she was not eligible with without the original diagnosis. So they went back to a pediatrician to ask about getting the records, and the pediatrician looked at her and said, Kathy, that was 21 years ago. We don't have those records. So who has ever told the parent of a mentally disabled child that it's your responsibility to get those records? So passing the story is just telling everybody that it's our responsibility to ask, can I get a copy of that, please? Can I get a copy of that, please? Can I get a copy of that, please? It makes it so much easier to do it at the time than it does to go back and try to get a whole lifetime. So I will stop now, get off my soapbox. And we are about ready just to kind of get ready for some inspiration and change the energy just a little bit. We are so excited to have the opportunity to meet who I feel is like a kindred sister and a spirit. We met this last July at a national networking organization that we attend. And I loved her inspiration. I loved her synergy. And we were talking all about fear, and we were talking about the things that would stop us in life. And one of the things that she kept talking about is, I was fearless in my life. I didn't know fear. And she said, sometimes life likes to give you a lesson, because sometimes we don't understand the humility of another person until we experience it. So us sharing the stories, not having to go through the experiences to learn the lessons that we need to have in life. Lori Taylor is such an inspirational woman. She has five children, she has a Internet marketing group and she has this social blog that's called Social Caffeine. Getting the buzz out of your life. And she's done a 12 week program with some of the top national thought leaders in the power of Fear, Picking the brains of those other people. So she's going to be sharing with us some of the most thought provoking things and teaching us some lessons that she was sharing with me. Something about this multitasking. You're just kind of hiding behind something and you're keeping too busy. And I went, really? Okay. So like that little card says, I'm willing to change and I'm willing to think about the possibilities of living my best half of a life. So we're going to be inspired with Lori. She's a gal about horses, so we're going to have you watch this little clip and then she's going to take it away.

Roll sound.

The story of Secretariat is a story about the hero inside each of us. The main character in the story is Penny Chinnery. Tweedy. Her father raised horses. She saw that the business needed help and she became inspired. Have you ever seen that?

What a colt stand up that fast?

She did something unique at that point in time. And it was quite controversial. Well, Mr. Lawrence, what do you think? I think he eats too much. He lays against the back of that starting gate like he's in the Caribbean. Secretariat is not afraid and neither am I. You're guaranteeing that this horse is going to win the Triple Crown?

Three races, three states in just five weeks. Hasn't been done in 25 years. You're that stubborn? I'm that right. I don't care how many times they tell us we can't do it.

I am not giving up.

Secretariat refusing to yield. Secretariat gave everyone something to root for. Congratulations, Penny and Secretariat on the fastest Derby ever. Diane was my choice for Penny. Her talent was just bottomless. I think she's perfect for this. She's got a very good sense of humor. I've been so impressed to watch another woman very beautifully portray me. She found this essence that was Penny. I need a good trainer just to get things stabilized. You need Lucien Lauren. He's trying to retire.

John Malkovich brings such vulnerability. And he's full of humor.

4.

He adds just that unexpected uniqueness and.

He certainly brought it with Lucian. Lauren.

I trained horses my whole life. You're the best owner I ever saw.

There were so many emotions going on, bringing this story to the screen. It touches the heart in a way that has no words.

Oh, cool.

Secretariat did something that no one thought was even conceivable. And he might not have run at all if it hadn't been for Penny Secretariat sprinting away. So what this story gives us is a sense that there are capabilities in each of us that are beyond what we think we can have.

Secretary. It is moving like a tremendous machine.

And that life is about finding how far you can go, how fast you can run, and you never know until you try. Until you run.

I'm really honored to be here tonight. And before I kind of start, I'm just curious, by a show of hands, how many people have seen Secretariat? Yeah, it's an awesome movie. You don't even have to love horses. It's really not about that. They used a horse to tell a story, but it's a story. And we're here tonight because it's about courage, heart, and inspiration. And if you saw the movie, it was about courage, heart and inspiration. And the funny thing about this movie is the way they positioned it. Now, I'll be honest. I'm a horse. I mean, I love horses. I five horses. I jump. My horse saved my life. At one point, I was going through a divorce at the end of the day, 2006 and 2006, and I got busy because I didn't really want to deal with the fact that I was leaving someone I loved. I was leaving someone. I promised, and I take my promises very seriously. And I promised I'd stay with him forever. Now, when we were doing the vows, they didn't. They said sickness and health, but they didn't say alcoholism and alcoholism.

Right.

So I didn't say that in there. But even if they had, I probably would have said, yeah, I'm in, because I didn't know what that meant until I lived there. They turned it around. He's gone to rehab. He's a great man. He always was a great man. But it was hard on a relationship, and we had a lot of other issues. And the truth is alcoholism. His was a great way for me to hide my inefficiencies in the marriage. Right. He was an easier target. I was so perfect, and I wasn't. So when I got busy and left him and finally got the guts, it took me a long time, a couple years in my head of conversations and We've all been there, right? It's like black and white. It's like my dad said, either kill it or cure it, but don't sit in between it, you know? And I was sat in between it for a long time, and it ate away at my soul. And if anyone's ever been there when you just can't make that tough decision, you know. And so I was there and I made it. And then I used to laugh and say, my husband went to the bar and I went to the barn. And it's true. I went to the barn as much as he went to the barn. So finally, I think the universe got insert your own belief there. Kind of took that away from me because it was my own crutch.

And I broke my back. Total fluke accident. Total fluke. But you have to understand something. There was one place in my life, only one. And I know none of you really know me. Well, there's a few of you that met me downstairs and. But there's only one place in my life where the voices are quiet. There's a lot of voices in here. That lady has nothing we saw in the opening. I'm like, that's me when I'm sleeping. Got a whole band in there.

So I'm in there and I go to the barn. And someone once asked me, my dad came and watched me ride. And I'm adopted, so I found my biological father, and I was 25. And he came and he watched me ride at a show one day. And he had tears in his eyes. And this really isn't a man who cries easily. Most men don't. I think they cry, but just not externally. And he said I was a gift today. I said, why? I said, you look like you were 12, maybe 10. You're so happy. And I am. I was so happy when I ride that horse. So I don't care how crazy, busy, dizzy I am, I get on him, I'm like. I think of nothing except I don't want to die. That's it, you know, I'm jumping jumps and I'm, you know, fearfully, respectfully fearful of where, like, I should be. And then I broke my back. He tripped, he fell down. He doesn't make mistakes. He doesn't. And I lost my balance and my legs came up, and then I swung to get in position, and I even yelled, not today. I'm a fighter. I'm not Secretariat. We'll talk about why in a minute. I'm Seabiscuit. I'm the broken down horse that's gonna win anyway, okay? I'm not royalty. I'm broken down horse. I'm champion. I'm gonna fight. And I said, not today. Meaning I wasn't falling off. My spurs hit him and he took off like a bat out of hell and slammed me into a wall and broke my T3. Dr. Mahoney's in here, breast cancer doctor, but she's still on stage right now. She's tell you you basically have to take a baseball bat to your T3 to break it when you're 35 years old or be in a severe car accident. I got slammed into a wall. I don't know how fast we're going. Not very. He just slammed me. The velocity.

And I thought I died.

I couldn't breathe.

And I was moaning.

Over and over, and it's just me and the dressage teacher, and my voice has found a way to beat myself up. I'm like, just shut up already. Why do you keep moaning? And in my head I remember. And then I thought, gee, I hope Paul doesn't get mad at me, because now the kids will have to trick or treat without me. And he would have wanted him like, are you kidding me? I think I'm dying. And those are my last two dying thoughts.

Well, my lungs had collapsed, so, you know, my body was doing its job and voluntary brought me back to life.

That and the thought I had a third thought. Oh, dear God, I can't let Paul raise the kids by himself. That'll be a disaster. And voom. Right back in Leverage.

So I couldn't ride for about a year. I went to my doctor, my checkup. He says, yeah, you can ride now. Just don't fall off. I was like, dude, it's not like it's a scheduled thing, you know, I need to know when I can fall off again, Right? Wouldn't it be great in life after you got hurt if you're like, hey, when is it okay to get back in a relationship? Am I good yet? You know, because I think we kind of just keep jumping back in, getting back on and wondering why we get broken over and over again. So I had to wait to ride. And then the worst part was the day I rode. I was terrified. Terrified. So now it's quiet places and only place I can go and not think. I don't know if you guys have a place where you think about nothing, but if you find one outside of.

A pill bottle or something, like at.

The bar, hold on to it, it's awesome. It's gone, though. It's gone. It's still gone for me right now. I'm going to a show qualified to go to a show. I'm terrified every time I ride. I wish I could stand up here and be like, oh, that was like, so, you know, 2006. I'm all over it now. No, I'm not. I ride despite being afraid, but I'm literally afraid. And I'm not a person that gets afraid. I don't. I sort of got a guy broke in here with a gun right now. Like, I got this. Everyone just get out on the ground. Bring it on. You know, I wouldn't be afraid, I promise. But I'm terrified when I ride this animal. So I know it's bigger than the riding. So horses for me have always had just a pattern in my life. And I tell you that other part just to give you a little bit of my story to know I'm human. I've made mistakes. I've broken hearts, my own kids. I told my son when we was.

8 that we were getting.

My husband and I were getting divorced. And I'll never forget it. He looked at me. You're kidding, right, Mom? Now, some of you guys might be wondering. That's kind of an odd response, but considering I'm the mom, that for fun, will act like the brakes went out on the car. Yeah. Oh, no. And they're all like, ah, I'm just kidding. And they all start laughing. You know, it's kind of fun because the breaks aren't really out. What happens with that is that you tell your children something serious like you're getting divorced, and they look at you like, oh, please, Mom. Please tell me. At that time, I thought I was going to die in the car on my mile. And no, we're getting divorced. So I've broken my kids hearts, I've broken my ex, someone I love's hearts. We've all been there. I've had my heart broken. But what I loved about this movie and the reason I tell you all that is because the day I saw this movie, I don't know why, and I can't tell you why, but I was in a funk just right. Has anybody ever been in a funk for no reason? Clap your hands. Any funkers? Yeah. Okay. I'm not alone. Yay.

So I was in a funk. And we said, fine, we're gonna see this. Because he knows I love horse movies. I have never been more inspired than when I saw this movie. And it had such meaning for me. Her, the character, Penny, the person that Owned the horse. How courageous she was, right? How at that time, if you really knew what that time meant, how out of the box she was to do what she did. Now, they did romanticize it, of course. It's a story, and I don't even care about that. You know, just motivate me, inspire me. I don't need it to, you know, I'm cool with, you know, Arnold Schwarzenegger coming in and taking out a hundred bad guys with like three moves. Because I'm like, yeah, I want to be Arnold Schwarzenegger and do that. Okay, so. But the thing about Secretariat that we don't think about.

He was a champion, guys. That day, people bet on him. It paid like two dollars. It paid nothing. A two dollar bet fee, 20 cents. In fact, over 5,700 tickets were sold, and many of them were not redeemed. Because everyone who saw that race that day knew they had witnessed something greater than themselves. Something that may not ever be repeated again.

Jack Nicklaus, the golfer, right, even then, was an amazing golfer. They interviewed him. He said he remembers that day like it was yesterday. He was in his room alone in his apartment at the time, and he was sobbing and cheering because he knew he was witnessing something that had never been done before. But let's talk about that for a minute and think about your own life for just a minute. This horse was probably better off than most of you coming into the world. He had impeccable breeding. No one disputed. He was an amazing animal. The only thing they couldn't decide was, would he be like his dad, Bold Ruler, and just be a sprinter, or could he go the distance? Could he get that triple Crown that had not been won in 25 years? Primarily because you have to kind of be both kind of horse, right? But primarily you have to be a long distance horse and be really fast. And they're like, I don't know if he can do it. And he was lazy. He ate a lot. You know, the movie depicted that all very well, but they didn't really hit home that he was a winner.

In fact, when you watch the movie, you almost feel like he's the underdog, but he's not. He is the winner in that movie. They know he's going to win, and they got him in the best shape of his life to guarantee he would win, they pushed that horse. And if you watch some interviews on ESPN, who, by the way, he's in the top 100 athletes in the world.

ESPN had an award that was like, who's number one or whatever number one was Wilt Chamberlain, 100 points in a game. Number two, a Secretariat. I mean, yeah, Secretariat's race. Number two. Every sport, event, ever. He's the only animal that made that list at all. Okay. I mean, because there's been. We've seen some great stuff. Michael Jordan, we could talk about him and talk about Tiger woods and all of them. But the end of the day, Secretariat was number two out of everyone they could have picked up. Why? I like to believe it's because it was such a great story. This horse, you know, they depicted it.

Well in the movie.

He's running this race, right? And all the races he'd won, I think he ran. He only raced for about 18 months. I think he won seven. Seven out of nine. I mean, it was a crazy number. His record was insane. And. But he always ran in the back.

They always kept him in the back, sort of in the back, worried he'd run too fast if he got in front.

Except that day, see, they knew he was gonna win.

For the most part. I mean, it's a horse race, right? That's why they say that it's a horse race. But, you know, everyone pretty much thought there weren't. That of all the race horses in, there was only two that was gonna give him a run for his money. One was Sham, who they show in the movie.

And they let him run his own race.

And when he was given the choice in this race, they decided they were going to put him in front early because they didn't think he could catch those other horses on this length of a track. Boy, were they wrong, right?

Think about this for a minute. He didn't just catch him, he took off. And he was in the front the entire time. Every quarter was fashion. The last quarter, they averaged his feet. It was 37 and a half miles per hour.

His time has never been beaten. And he won by 31 links, 31 lengths. You don't have to know much about horse racing. I know that's really fast and that's really good, right? I mean, that's incredible. And you know why it's most incredible? His jockey got an award for never whipping him. He never touched him with a whip during that race, ever. His jockey also had lost a horse before to heart attack. So jockey wasn't worried about he's. How many. I mean, he actually turned. They talk about it. You guys know that he actually really. Which you never do. Although we all do it in life, right? We wonder why we can't move forward. And we're like, what happened when I was like, six? I mean, what. Oh, shit. And you fall off the stage, right, because you're not paying attention. You're worried about what you did back in band camp and how that might be holding you back. What happened to you when you're six? Well, it's holding it back because you're letting it hold you back. Okay. It's not really holding you back physically. Emotionally, it is. So he's out there and he's running. But, you know, the coolest part about the race is that who was his benchmark, his jockey looked back and there were no horses behind him. They interviewed him. He couldn't even see the other horses.

Yet Secretary kept running faster and faster and faster, faster, faster, faster. Like someone was chasing them. Only no one was not ride horses. And I'm sure anyone that's ever had them. Anyone ever had a bad experience on a horse when they were younger, maybe didn't work out for them, got dumped. Yeah.

Okay.

Down to the front. Thanks for playing.

They actually get lit up by other horses. So that's why when I get nervous in a show ring, because my guys just wait for the other guy to lift, lose his mind. So he's going around like this. Is that guy okay? Is that guy okay? Am I okay? Are you okay? I'm going. Are we okay? What's going on? Are we okay? And everyone's just freaking out completely. We're all jumping crazy jumps, practicing for our show the next day. It's like the honor system, too. There's, like, no light. It's not like, oh, yellow light. Better slow down. It's like, I called it first, you know, and we're on this. You know, my horse is as big as Secretary. Sixteen, two hands. Big lie. So anyway, he's in the front of this race. No one's even chasing him. And he never slowed down.

The jockey wasn't thinking, can I make him go faster? He's thinking, am I getting ready to kill a national hero whose card's going to burst? Because he's going faster and faster and faster and faster. Should I. You know why he didn't pull back that day? He didn't know how fast he was going, but he thought maybe he could break the record.

Didn't push him to go faster. But the only reason he. Because he didn't need to keep going that fast.

Right?

He's winning, sort of falling down. He's got the money. So my question to you guys is this.

What if you're Secretariat right now in your life? What if you're winning races and you're doing okay, nothing to complain about, a lot of people been on stage and face some pretty tough things that maybe you haven't had to face. So why are you going to complain that you don't get excited every time you go to work, you have a job.

Kids are healthy. It's all good.

Is it? Are you winning at a race? But you're running in the back, they're holding you back in the back because they're telling you, you know, you better not get out there and fresh. Because if you get out there in front, it might not work out. And you can't afford to take any risks. You know what I'm saying?

So how do you know that you're running your race?

How do you know you can't get out in front and run just as fast as you want to and just think, wow, look at me. And you just kept going and going and going.

Just because you're playing it safe. And there's nothing wrong with playing it safe, but there's nothing great in playing it safe.

I've heard a lot tonight about change. And I ask you something. Okay. Secretariat was an athlete. I think we can all. We all agree on that. Secretariat. Yeah.

Thank you.

He was an athlete. Did you know what he was? And that's cool. He was a really good athlete. But he would a champion.

He loved to run. He didn't care if it was in the back, in the front, sideways. That horse wanted to go and he wanted to win. So are you doing the thing that you love the most? And think about it, he won that race that day. Now he's gone down since. And I think he lost a race after that. But he went on to race and he never raced like that again. He's the most. He beat a horse, I think was by six and a quarter length, something like that. He never went on to do anything like he did. His record still has never been broken on a dirt track. Never even close. But he's never. But the thing I ask you is that day that he did win by 31 leagues, did he have to change who he was? Do you have to be a bigger horse? Do you have to be a more quiet horse?

Did he change what he ate? I'm pretty much. He didn't. I'm pretty sure know for a fact. But I know he didn't change size and I know he was a chestnut when he ran that race like he did was every other race. So for me, you can change how you think and that's all you should change.

That's my opinion.

I think what you're looking for is growth.

I really think that what you're looking for and what we're all looking for is growth. Because you know what? Unfortunately we're raised that change is a bad thing. Is there anyone here that's like, yeah, I love change. It's so awesome. Like, I love it?

No, Liar. I'm glad you see that hand jump on it. No, I mean it's not, it's not. People don't love change. You just by nature, we don't love change. We feel out of control, we get nervous, we don't understand why do we have to change so. But you already don't like change. Like I don't even know we learned that, but I know we do because I learned it. Sounds like everyone else had the same curriculum. So when you think about that and you go to a seminar, right, you get all jazzed up because you're going to change. What's the other thing we believe? People don't change. People don't change.

Oh, no, people don't change.

Oh, he didn't change. People don't change. And you sit there and you wait to gather evidence that they haven't changed. Here's someone coming. I'm born again and I love God and I want to be a great person. And you're like, yeah, whatever. And you actually wait for them to not be.

You wait for them not to be. Ah, I saw him. He was looking at me a little cross eyed. I know tomorrow is just a matter of time before he's an asshole again.

You know, it's like the more you say you change, the more people are like, if you change, you wouldn't have to tell me you changed.

I just know it.

Know I've changed, right? Everyone hear those words. It's like that chalk word. Yep. Oh God, what's going to happen now?

Because we're raised to believe people can't change, we don't even think we can change. Stuck in my ways.

I'm a little too old.

Can't teach an old dog new tricks. Really. You give my dog a steak and he'll just about do anything you ask. And.

I mean, he might even get up on stage and like do this whole thing for me, you know, if he had like a big juicy one right in front of him. So it's like when we're sitting there trying to think about change, change how.

You think.

Change who you think, but don't, don't change who you are, because who you are is beautiful, even in its ugliness. Right. How many times you've met someone and you're trying to give a framework for yourself, like me? I had to tell you.

Yeah.

I broke my back, left my alcoholic husband, terrorized my children. I mean, I'm telling you, like, I don't come out and say, hey, I'm really awesome, and I saved this person and did this thing because. Look at me, you know, because quite frankly, most of us try and dim our lights so people will like us. We don't want people to think we're better than them. My mama raised me right. I don't want to outshine you, you know, I'm sorry it was about you.

I didn't mean to.

I got excited for a minute. I am a Leo. It's not my fault. Part of it, but, you know, but my mom raised me that way, and then so did a lot of your parents. And so what? I wish you would go away for a minute because I love what Susan's doing, and I really hope we all give her this a big hand, just really quick, because she's. She's amazing.

She's amaz.

And the people she's taught tonight, you know.

Hearing Dr. Mahoney say. And I paraphrase in my own way, but I filtered it to hear her say she didn't want to waste a minute. She gonna give it all and then some. Anyone think she's running her race? How many people think she's running her race? Okay.

She'S happy. You're happy. You watch.

You want to be here.

You're like, yeah, I'm going to do more. Almost sell my widgets a little bit better tomorrow. I'm just going to do with a smile on my face. You know, you're like, want to go out there? And that's how we should live. Every day should be a day of service.

To somebody for something. Waiting until you have enough money or time to save Africa means I'm sorry. I hope it happens, but probably not. If not, if Oprah's not in the house, you're probably not going to Save Africa. Okay.

Dr. Mahoney's not going to save Africa, but she saved a few people, and it prolonged their life and gave them a few extra magical moments.

That's good enough for me. I hope I do that. I hope I do that. So I want you to think about growth, because we're raised to believe we.

Can grow.

And you just don't have to change. I hate that. Because one of my friends said, God, I've changed. I thought, why? I like you the way you are. What do you mean, you've changed? And I get all nervous. I'm like, what's that mean for me? That's what your friends and family think. That's why they freak out when you come back from drinking the Kool Aid, all high on life. They're like, no, I want my bitchy mother back. I don't want to eat soy milk and eat vegetables. I want fries and McDonald's. And I want you to be on your cell phone the whole time so I can play my Game Boy.

Right?

So, you know. So just remember, if you focus more on growth, trying to expand who you are, like, when you have kids, you have that first child, and you think, I don't know how I could love anything this much. I mean, you don't even know. Like, you didn't even know. It's like now you're in the club and you look at your mom and you're a little mortified. For those of you who have a conscience, you better be a little more mortified, okay? We kind of run our parents to the gamut. Then you have kids and you think, oh, my God, I might get two just like me. What's going to happen then? What's going to happen then? Now, I thought I was free and clear when I met this beautiful man, Steve, who. Oh, my God, please give him a. He just puts up like, come on, Steve. He hates it, but he deserves it.

Sometimes he's in my race and he really doesn't want to. He's like, I don't even like horse racing. Can we do something else? And so, you know when you think about it and you think about those that you love, and you think about wanting to be with them and experience them.

You don't have to be afraid when they come back and they've drank the Kool Aid. You don't have to be afraid when you drink the Kool Aid. And you want to change, because it's not about change. It's about growth. So we go to having kids, and you have that first child, right? And you have a. I thought we're gonna. See, I forgot what I was saying, but it came back. Thank you. I'm like, don't. Don't forsake me now. Okay, I forgot what I was talking about.

So you know children, and so then you have the second child. Where are you going? Okay. I do love a second child, huh? I gotta love this one a little bit less. So. Because, I mean, I just got. Okay, I'll love him like 70% and no, it get. Your heart expands. Your heart expands. I have five kids. I got a big heart. Got a big butt too, from it. But I got a big heart, too. Yeah. So that's what you want to think about is expanding your life when you think you don't have enough time. BS Time will expand my needs. If you do nothing else from seeing me speak tonight. Nothing else. If you go back to I can't change. I don't want to grow. I hate horses and whatever else you might be thinking right now in Christ are we wins the sing over. I thought we were ahead of schedule. Now she's gonna talk for a whole long time, you know, And I am. Oh, I am.

Break out the song here in a minute. It's a pretty cool microphone and I can't really see your faces, so that's cool, too. Pretend like you're all loving me. So, you know, but if you think about expanding your life and expanding your heart and you can go there and you're like. And you're thinking about how busy you are. I think we're all pretty busy people. The fact that you're here tonight on a Wednesday night, kudos to you. Bet you're busy. I bet some of you are going to have to work a little longer tomorrow night to get your stuff done right? I mean, I know it's happening. I know you made place. I think maybe Susan Cohurst, you knows where you live and you didn't want to have to sleep with one eye open tonight for a lot of you. But we appreciate that you're here because you did something. You took stepped out of your box. You found time. So if you do nothing else, if I leave you with nothing else, say, of all the things I've told you quickly. I know I talk fast, but if you think of death as I want you, the next time you feel choked by your timeline and you kind of are bitchy to your kids or to your husband or whatever, just say, time will expand to meet my needs. Try it. I haven't had one person, maybe they're afraid of me too, but have actually done that and not come back and said, oh, my gosh, that really works.

So what will happen for me is this one time, Steve and I were driving, and he's like, we're not gonna make it.

I'm like, shut up. It will.

Everything works out for Lori and Steve. Time will meet, you know, because that's our slogan. Everything works out For Lori and Steve, try and talk ourselves into parking spaces. Everything works out for Lori and Steve. And we're like, right?

We're like, what seminar did we learn that at? Those people were crazy. So workout with God. And we got the twins and the nuva ring surprise. Yeah, bonus prize there. Remember I went up to the counter at Kroger, I went to get my, you know, my vitamins. And she looks at me. I, I'm not kidding. I have a 15. Yeah, I have a 15 year old, 12 year old. His son who's 10 and then the twins who are 3. So I. So imagine how long I've been going there before the twins were born. I go to get my prescription for the vitamins. It's just like this. I'm not. She's like.

Like looking around like someone's going to help her. She looks like real loud too. Real loud. Like it seemed like she put a guy in the microphone. Hello, this is Taylor, but you're due for your Nuver Week.

40 years, almost 40 years old. I'm like, yeah, that didn't really work out for me. Can you just shut that front door please? Just take it down. Cuz I feel like everyone's like, you need to more responsible with your birth control. I was the NuvaRing 99.9%. God had different plans. We worked it out but we had to expand our life to do so. So now when I get stressed and I get stressed a lot. Shocking. I say time will expand my needs. And guess what? It does. Like, like someone will call me and I may have too many appointments and they'll cancel it because something happened on their end. I don't even have to take action. I've actually started to believe it. I've actually got time with. He said he tried to argue with me the other day about took his head off. I'm like, time will expand to meet our knees. Just shut up. You're going to put your bad voodoo on it.

He's like, oh, okay.

Time will expand.

He's like, I'm on board.

I'm on board.

So tonight as I wrap up, I just, I really want to leave with you about really running your own race.

Really figuring out what makes your heart pound, what's worth it to you. If you're not doing something every day, one thing that's risky on some level where you fear a little bit of fear.

Then you're not really living to your fullest capacity. I'm not talking about giving back. I'm not coming back here and giving Donations. I'm just talking about experiencing life. I love what Dr. Mahoney said because there was a point in my life where I swear to you, had I died and gone up to heaven, I felt like they would have gathered around a lot of people and been like, what happened? Like, you had a lot of things going for you. You just kind of quit. You just went into the fetal position, felt a little resistance from life, didn't really go the way you wanted it to. And I quit. I didn't quit completely. I just quit moving forward. So how many times? You know what I mean? Like, when you have something to lose now, it's different. When you're in your 20s, who cares? But where you are now in your life, the way the economy is, you got something to lose.

And it's so easy to focus on what we could potentially lose because our mind can get behind that. Our fear goes up. It's there to protect us. Oh, don't try that. We might lose everything. Oh, God, don't do that. My God, we could lose double everything.

But what if you just start thinking about what you had to gain? What if you tied some big why to it? Some big why, some way your life could change, some way you could to grow into something you wanted to do differently, Right? Just because you thought, I'm going to focus on what I could gain instead of what I could lose. Because I have faith and I believe it's all going to be okay and it's going to work out exactly as it should. And I want to be like Secretariat.

I want to run my own race. I don't want to do what I know I'm good at, what someone's told I'm good at. If I'd rather do something else. What if Michael Jordan started with baseball?

Think about it. He didn't suck at baseball. Compared to basketball, yeah, he was terrible. I'm probably better in relation in baseball, but he played the minors. He was okay. If you look at his batting average, he had a couple home runs. He had a.252 batting average.

They start with basketball. And he was awesome.

He had a lot to lose, you guys.

He still.

I believe he still tarnished his brand by playing baseball. Because everyone says, oh, he's an amazing basketball. Baseball. Who wants that modifier? Who cares? He tried, right? So no matter if you might be playing basketball right now and you might go try this other thing and be like that Laurie, she's a crazy nut. That was horrible.

I sucked.

Everyone's mocking me and laughing at me, but at least, you know. At least, you know, Seabiscuit could have won in the back. I mean, Secretary could. I love that movie, too. I do. It's torn which one to do. Secretariat could have run in the back and still won that race that day. I mean, when he went by 31 league, seriously, he probably could have run backwards and still won the race that day. Right? That's not a good story. It's an okay story. Seabiscuit. That's cool, what happened, but it's not near as cool as going out and running as fast as you can the entire time. 37 and a half miles, never having your record beaten and never having anyone to this day come close. And being the first horse in 25 years to win the Triple Clown like that.

Wow. I don't know about you, I'd like to do that one time. Just one time. And I probably have, and so have you. But we're so busy thinking about what we haven't done, what we could be doing, that we don't hold on to what we are doing.

So before you start thinking about change and doing what I'm asking you to do, which is grow, start honoring what you're doing right now. Because in this room, by sheer definition of being in this room, you're probably doing more than 95% of the other people out there. And I think you should give yourself a round of applause. I mean, I'm serious. Like, you are doing. That's lame.

You guys are doing something.

This is awesome. It's just these little baby steps.

Okay?

So, I mean, I'm really glad to be here tonight. I'm so honored to be a part of people. Like I said, my mom died when I was 19, I think I said, of leukemia. My adopted mom. So, yeah, I'm like, double rejecto. I'm adopted. So, like, at 3, you know, I'm born, I'm in the world, and my mom's nowhere to be found.

She.

She gave me up for adoption. And I love her. We found each other now at 25, my dad's my best friend. It's all good now. I was a product of a one night stand. Not incredibly, you know, exciting. I told my dasa that in India. I said to this man in India, told him my whole life story. Broken back, divorced, all the things.

He didn't flinch. I think I could have told him I killed a man. He'd been like, okay, Mrs. Taylor, that's good. I swear. Okay. I said to him, yeah, no, by the way. Yeah. When you asked me to Pray about my mom or forgive my mom and dad? Do I need to forgive all four of them? He's like, well, I'm like, I'm adopted. One night stand, like a thousand months, hands on the head. They're all got me. Like, I'm all screwed now because of their belief system and how I came in a little damaged into the world. But then I, you know, it's like, ah, I've been rejected and a cellular level, she'll never be okay. I was like, so then I find. Then I. My mom finds out she has cancer at 15. My adoptive mom, and she dies when I'm 19.

So that was a really tough loss. Really tough loss. And I remember giving the eulogy that day and I didn't want to do it. I was scared.

I was scared to cry, scared to be vulnerable. And I asked my best friend, I looked at her, can you read this letter for me? She's sobbing.

I mean, she looked at me like I was insane.

I looked at my soon to be husband, but he wasn't my fiance yet, but he was my first husband again. We were college sweethearts. And I look at him, I'm like, you gotta do this thing for me. This is a good man, right? This is a good man. He will do it. He's like, honey, I don't know anyone here. I met your mom one time. I'm like, you gotta get up there. I can't do it. He's like, I will do it, but I think you'll hate me because I don't make you do it. That's the people you want in your life.

People make you do things you don't really want to do because they know you want to. So I got up there that day and I started reading the letter and I'm sobbing. Of course I'm sobbing. 19 years old, I am sobbing. So I get in a fight with God, I quit talking for a minute and I completely bitch him out. And I swear to God, and if, you know, I can't even PG it right now. I mean, I really had words with him because he's taken my mom. He can't give me, like, what, 10 minutes to read a stupid letter. I was so mad at him, I couldn't believe it. And I got quiet so good. And I read this letter. People are sobbing. And the Leo me thinking, that's right. That's how much I love my mom and make you cry. I love her so much. And people are crying and crying. It is a funeral, but I mean, it's A little bit of heavy crying. So I get done with it and I'm all proud of myself, you know, I did it.

I dug in.

I sit down next to my PA and Krista, He's. He's sobbing. This man doesn't really cry. He's sobbing. He's like, are you okay? To me, like, am I okay? You're the ball, baby. And I look at him. I'm like, yeah, I'm fine. And he's like. I go, I'm just. And I tell him what I just told you. I think he looked at me horrified. He goes.

What? Honey? You were sobbing so hard, we could barely understand what you were saying.

The reason people. It'd be like if I was just sobbing hysterically right now. I think a few of you would cry. You don't even know me. And these are my friends and family. But the point is mind over matter. I did it and I felt good about it. And to this day, even though I know I was sobbing, I didn't feel like I was sobbing. So I feel good about it. I feel like I did it. You know? I got those words out to my mom I needed to say in front of her for and family. Who knew I wasn't always perfect. Who knew I was hard on her. So all I want you to do is go deep. Don't believe everything you think unless it serves you.

Okay? So don't believe everything you think unless it feels good. If you think a thought and it doesn't feel good, that is not. For those of you who believe in God, that isn't coming from God. That's your little mind getting real busy. Joy comes from spirit, and joy comes from the universe. And joy comes from your soul. And it doesn't matter how you define it, you know when you feel it. So I hope tonight you guys can think, time will expand to meet my needs. I hope you can run your own race or just validate that you are running your own race. And I hope that you step forward in your life with a little bit of courage to set a good example for people and be the thing in life that people look at and say, I want to be more like that guy that looks like the way to do it. Do not be the warning person, the person. I guess I believe people in your life. There's two kinds. Warning, inspirational. The people that you think, oh, God, I'm better.

Never.

I hope I'm not like that person. I'm not going to be like that person. Or you look at this person over here and say, I want to be more like that person. So every moment of your life, unless you want to be the poster child on a milk carton for what not to do in life.

Every moment, try and think that your kids sitting there looking at you at every moment moment, or your grandchild or your niece or your nephew, someone that you can actually make a difference by your example, don't save Africa. Just be kind to yourself and other people and have courage. So thank you.

Just get on the plane because I just met her three or four months ago and fly halfway across the country after she just got back from Hawaii. Speaking last week and the weekend before in San Diego. Really has heart. But as we've talked about at the Mastermind groups that we've attended, she really believes in giving back. And it's like no matter she's in business and talks about marketing, she creates cause from her heart. One of the most amazing things that she just recently did was how much did you say you raised for disabled Americans?

$3 billion, $5 at a time through mailers and emailing. So don't think that things can't be done. We are now going to be giving it up for the real winners in our community. And coming into the winner's circle, they're the jockeys in our life. They have done amazing things and we're here to honor and acknowledge our coming up tomorrow Torch award winners. So we're just going to get to listen to some of their stories and enjoy what they've done for our community.

I am a teacher, but the reason that I love to teach are the relationships and the connections that I make with students. And I find that that usually happens outside of the 50 minute class period.

And so whenever I can create those.

Opportunities and have students be a part of something that I find is really.

Awesome and that I'm passionate about, that's.

Kind of what brings my passion to teaching. I was fortunate enough actually to go.

Back and hang out with Lance Armstrong a couple summers ago in Ohio to become a Livestrong leader. And I decided to bring that leadership.

Back to the Eureka High community students and just encourage them to take it to their peers. And so every year in April, we.

We put on a Livestrong day.

It's actually become what we call a legacy project here at Eureka High. So students, new students take it on year after year. Now I am just kind of there to ask and answer questions and the students run it and they educate their peers and we have an amazing yellow day and they put on an educational piece and they have guest speakers come, and it's really become a really great event. We're finding out that it's also becoming a really a great opportunity for students who might be going through a challenging time, especially with family members or friends.

Who have had or currently have cancer, to be able to have a place.

To celebrate and to share rather than to be alone in their story.

When you're passionate around kids, it is contagious. And the kids I know when they.

See me doing something that I'm passionate.

About and I'm super involved and excited.

About, they get that that's something that they can do.

So I just try and share the.

Passion of things that I like to be a part of and encourage and open opportunities for them to find things.

That they're passionate about.

I want the world to be a good place. And I know that if we get the kids opportunities and let them see that they are empowered and valuable, that they will continue to make this world a good place. And our future is the kids. It's their next. I get to be involved in something called avid, which is advancement via individual determination. And it's for kids who are their first generation to go to college in their family. So it's really inspiring to me to see these people who have no idea how to get. How to read the hidden curriculum in any institution be able to do that and know that they can go to college. How do you empower somebody?

By listening to them, by asking them questions, by including them in decision making, by asking them what they see. Because what they see is different than what adults see. And know that they are incredible and that they have skills that are innate in their being, that they came to this planet with, and that they can tap into those and do something, and that they just empower kids and believe in them. I don't think anyone sets out to be an inspiration. It's just what you love. And if you do what you love, it shows, I guess.

So.

We're here today with Polly Endert and Leslie Salvage. They were the organizers and the originators of the Girls Night out project for acs.

The goal was to raise money for the American Cancer Society. We raised, you know, each year, we.

Raised over $20,000 for them.

We had a great group of ladies that we asked them to do something and they. They did it.

We didn't have to ask them a second time for anything.

They were phenomenal.

Every person brought something like little bit different to the table. People had a lot of fun. They were good events.

They were different, they were unique.

I just think if you've got a.

Creative idea that you think is fun and that people would want to be.

A part of, do it. Even if you, you know, raise a little bit of money, it's helping out the cost.

And that's really what the most important.

Thing is, is just if you have. If you've got the energy and the idea, go for it and do it.

And, you know, if you raise a little bit of money for somebody, you know, they're just that much farther along in being successful.

Special Olympics has been going on in Humboldt county for 38 years. They were without a director for the last seven, and my son has been participating.

They needed a director. And I said, well, I can do this.

We have over 150 athletes.

It's a great program for the kids.

And the adult athletes because it just.

Gives them the confidence to get out and get involved in the community.

Bottom line is just a desire to.

Have a healthy child and to let them be healthy and enjoy all the things that kids need to be doing. Well, I know speaking of health, you've had a lot of other things, right, have been just human special needs and dealing with a child with down syndrome. Christopher's had some pretty special needs.

Christopher, as you know, had leukemia.

There were some other issues that came.

Up that weren't cancer related.

I think that notebook that you've created was a huge help. Huge help.

And it's been really important to be able to have all that done, documented.

All the information so that they know.

What he's gone through in the past.

And anytime you make a donation to Special Olympics, make sure that you include Humboldt county.

And then that way we are directly. So it stays here. It stays right here in our community.

She's one of those kind of people that accepts the challenge. And she has such a big heart. She's very warm. She's very kind. She's the one who always cares about everyone else. When we discussed what was going on with Laura with her class, the first thing kids did was come up with.

Ideas of things that they could do to help her feel better.

They just have really, I think, learned how to. How to show care to others from Laura. Well, I was diagnosed with pancreatic cancer last March, and what a bombshell that was. But I have always had a real positive attitude. I got that from my dear mother. And I just know that I had to keep going. And I found such strength from the.

Staff at McKinleyville Middle School and my.

Students last year, and such love and generosity from the community and my Friends that I feel like they were healing me, they were doing it for me. Last June, my students raised over $1,000 in one day walking for cancer research. And that wasn't organized by me, it was organized by the students. And I was so honored by that.

And I took that money to a.

Walk that I did the next day in napa valley and donated it to cancer research. They're really great and they ask really honest questions and I'm really open about the cancer and my diagnosis and the.

Scans, and I just tell them what's going on. Students are a great mirror.

If you want to know about yourself, you just let the kids tell you.

Because if I come in in a good mood, they're in a good mood.

If I come in cranky, I get it back.

So they're a great mirror and they've.

Taught me patience.

And keeping my sense of humor well. Something that I've really learned is to.

Just be grateful for what we have.

We have so much, we are so blessed and many times we don't even recognize that.

So just be so grateful for what you have.

Your home, your family, especially your friends. Those are the riches.

One summer, his dad tore down a brick wall on the front of his business and told 12 year old Will and his 9 year old brother to rebuild it. A job they said was impossible. It took them a year and a half, but they did it. And he said, now, don't you ever tell me it's something that you can do. You don't try to build a wall. You don't set out to build a wall. You don't say, I'm going to build the biggest, baddest, greatest wall that's ever been built. You don't start there. You say, I'm going to lay this brick as perfectly as a brick can be laid. And you do that every single day. And soon you have a wall, and soon you have a wall.

You know, it's an idea that my.

Grandmother always said that if you're going.

To be here, then there's a necessity.

To make a difference.

She always instilled the responsibility, the spiritual responsibility that you have to make every group you come in contact with better. I want to do good. I want the world to be better.

Because I was here.

I want my life, I want my work, my family. I want it to mean something. And it's like it has. If you are not making someone else's life better, then you're wasting your time. You know, like your life will become better by making other lives better.

I Want to represent an idea. I want to represent possibilities. I want to represent the idea that you really can make what you want. One of my.

The first step, before anybody else in the world believes it, is you have to believe it. There's no reason to have a plan B because it distracts from plan A. I think that there's a certain delusional quality that all successful people have to have. You have to believe that something different than what has happened for the last 50 million years of history. You have to believe that something different can happen.

Confucius said, he who says he can.

And he who says he can't are both usually right.

I'm motivated by fear. Fear, you know, Fear of what?

Fear of fear.

I hate being scared to do something. And I think what developed in my early days was the attitude that I started attacking things that I was scared of. It was Franklin Roosevelt said, the only fear you have with fear is fear itself. Absolutely. Remember that. Absolutely.

Don't ever let somebody tell you you can't do something.

Not even me.

All right? All right. You got a dream, you gotta protect it.

People can't do something themselves, they want to tell you you can't do it.

You want something, go get it. Period.

11 torch award winners.

These people have. Have not listened to someone tell them that they can't. These people have listened to somebody that told them that they can. They've listened because they heard the music that said, I believe. I believe I can. I believe I will. I believe I will do it. And they just kept going. Our community could not get along without people like this in our lives. Every single day. It takes courage to stand up, to teach our children, to give them inspiration, to give them courage, heart and love. And for all of that, we honor you. I'd also like to welcome to the stage our 2010 Torch Award winners who have continued to give continuously with their love and their honor. I told you a little story about Bob and he was such a successful success in our community, but I've shared another little story.

Tammy has done so much with the dog rescue and I think she stole a little word from our voluntold girl over here. There's a mic on the other side there, Don. You can grab it in a second. That she passed her torch and created some nuances, but Rose Baker, for those of you that remember the amazing story last year that she had parented over 400 children in our community, we had a little after party last year in the lobby of the bands that was empty at the time, and she walked in with two of her kids, and she said, this is my dream. I go, what's your dream? She goes, it's one thing to raise the children, but it's another thing to give them sustainable.

Abilities and teaching them how to become part of our community and how to learn and how to teach and how to work in our community. And she says, I want to open a restaurant. I go, you do? Really? It's like, yes. And this is the place. I can just feel it right now. And it was amazing evening. We had such a great little afterparty with our 2010 that they had all created this little bond, and we all stood there and talked about what our intentions were and what we wanted to do for the upcoming year and what we wanted to do to help grow our community. Well, Rose has her restaurant. The kids have started to work this week, and it's amazing. So it's about setting your intention. You got your cards. Are you writing your intentions? Because it is magic. Because it was a year ago that we opened, and it's just this week you're bringing the kids in. Right? Right. We actually opened in July. We opened in July. But they've been getting it all ready for the kids, and they just have started really recently. So we're really excited to have her as our neighbor and to be a part of raising our Ruth, our youth to keep them here. And I know that's always been such a. A thing that I've always heard Rob and Sherry say, let's create a community that we can sustain ourselves and keep our families right here at home that we love. So thank you so much for. For doing that.

Okay, dawn, you've got the script. I dropped mine on the floor over there a little bit. So what we're going to do is we're going to honor each of these. And at one of our launch parties, the 2010 award winners said, can we pass the torch? Can we be there to support and honor our 2011 award winners? So, Ms. Dawn Davis, can you help us do the honors here?

And we also have a special guest, Virginia Bass Jackson. He is here from the supervisor's office to help give us, actually, certificates to each of these people and honoring them. John, there's a. There's another mic, but here.

Thank you. I want to welcome all of the 2010 Torch Award recipients who are here to pay attention forward and pass the torch to our 2011 Torch Award recipients. I am going to read the 2011 winner's name and a little statement about them, and then I'd like To have one of the past Torch Award winners come up here and then give that award and pass the torch to the 2011 winner.

Stephanie jackson.

Stephanie has given her time, her heart and her commitment to our community's youth, inspiring leadership and empowering our youth to become our future leaders in our world. Thank you.

Christy Christianson.

For her commitment to live strong and never give up, living a life of integrity and strength and never losing sight of possibility. She is inspired, dedicated and has given commitment to each student she has encountered, creating a vision and path for them to be empowered with a desire to seek more. Thank you.

Claudia lima.

For her unwavered character and leading by example, demonstrating what a true health advocate is for her son's health, paying it forward to other parents and creating opportunity for each special needs children to have richer, fuller lives. She has been committed and dedicated to the Special Olympics program and continues to provide enthusiasm leadership to numerous boards in the community and state level. Thank you.

Polly andert.

Polly has the spirit to take on and enroll a team of committed, energetic community members to raise money for the fight against cancer with a unique, successful venue. Thank you to her dynamic team, Leslie Salvage, Linda Hopkins, Jill McDonald, Sally McDonald, Joanne Hanson, Jeannie Valley, Judy Paulus, Shashi I can't say this, thank you. And Corey Reed, Dana Hunt and Leslie Pennington. Thank you.

And last but not least, Laura Grant.

Laura's dedication to courage, inspiration and knowledge as a committed teacher for inspiring our youth to live life with curiosity and wonder as a friend, a co worker, a mother and a wife, teaching us a life lesson in dedication to courage and the belief that of possibility through connection of body, mind and spirit, anything is possible. Your focus to making a difference is one of honor. Thank you.

Here's to you, 2011 Torch Award recipients. We are honored to be inspired by your courage, your heart and your inspiration. We thank you and congratulate you for making a difference as being the change we want to see in our world and the ripple you have created in our community. You make all of us inspired to be better people. Thank you.

We love having the opportunity to have the symbol of the fire and light pieces because it's just a recognition of what our community is all about with inspiration and courage and stepping out there and doing something just a little bit different. We have so many amazing nuances within our community. I just want to thank Peter and Jane Labs from Plaza Design to be so gracious to donate something that's from our community, that's made right here in Humboldt county, that reaches all over the world. So that when you can see a little piece of light flicker through the window, just know that you have helped our community keep our lights lit in our window and we really appreciate you and take your torch, light it and share it with somebody else to start a better thing for tomorrow's future in Humboldt County. So I just want to thank all of you for being such great sports and being a part of our evening. And I also want to make a special thanks you to my committee because we could not have done this without Jordan Packer, without Sharon Taylor, who has given me endless amount. Sorry Steve, you haven't seen her for a few weeks. Every time. I think he's used to having dinner on time. Not like my family that I never know when they're I'm going to show up. But it's been just so amazing that she's been able to help clean up some of the stuff because I'm going to apologize right now for any of you have ever gotten an email from me. No. I'm passionate. I can't spell and I don't remember to edit very well. But I've just really learned how to use a computer a couple years ago. I think that's pretty good. So Sharon Taylor, Don Davis and my family, my husband puts up with me.

I appreciate it.

God bless and good night. And the nominations for 2012 Torch Award are open at courage tonight.comgmail because what else am I going to do on Tuesday nights? Let me tell you.

Thank you sue for giving us an evening like this.

My best friend gave me the best advice he sent. Each day is a gift, not a given. Right? Leave no story unturned. Leave your fears behind.

And try to take the back.

Let's travel.