Fill Your Own Cup First - It's Not a Cliche, It's the Only Way | Susie on the Sofa with Cass Ep 7

Hello and welcome back to Susie on the Sofa with Cass. Cass, my beautiful sister. This intro has evolved into spirit fingers and sparkly life energy because, well, why not? It makes us laugh, and I think that that's what we're on here to do, is like show you how we make ourselves laugh how we get through this life and start living from our hearts and from our joy. And we've really been unpacking how to peel off all the layers and the conditioning and the expectations that we put on ourselves. And most of them are like, we don't even know where it's come from. And so the big question we've been asked, like, asking is To have the awareness of the why. Like, why do I have— what, like, why should I? And how should is a swear word. And just start to be aware of every time you say should— I should do whatever it is— why?

Yeah, yeah. What is the purpose behind it? And keep digging and digging. Keep asking the why. Be like that annoying toddler.

Yeah, yeah.

Never stops asking why.

Why? But why? But why?

Do you remember that neighbor we had?

Oh no. Oh, Cecina.

Yeah.

Yeah, she was a why. But why? But why? But why? But why? But why? Constantly. And so that's be— you have to be your own annoying toddler about why do I have to? You know, when kids, they're little, and this is where the conditioning starts from, because they're like, but I don't want to do that. Like, I don't want to do that. No, no. Kids are very good at saying no. So now for all you people pleasers out there, we're going to practice saying no.

No.

No.

No. No. No.

No. Full stop.

No being a whole sentence.

Yes. No explanation required. And the reason why we're doing this is to start protecting your energy, like reclaiming back your own energy, because the goal is to get yourself and your central nervous system back to like an even, like sort of 5 out of 10. Everyone's operating at like an 8 out of 10, a 9 out of 10. So like a 3 out of 10 event happens and it pushes you into overwhelm. You're swearing at the coffee pot and things aren't good, and it's 6:30 in the morning. If you're swearing at the coffee pot at 6:30 in the morning, you gotta bring it down a couple of notches. Yeah, and you do that by reclaiming your energy. So Cass had a major life, like, boggle button moment, blew it all up. Quit everything, although she did plan it, like she didn't just storm out one day.

No.

Um, it was planned, um, but she gifted herself 14 months, walked 2 very long walks called the Camino walks, and we've covered them in episode 1 and 2 quite extensively. And it was the space to figure out what we're sharing with you now. And yesterday I realized that Scanties, my anti-shapewear underwear brand, was my own Camino. So I founded that after an unexpected divorce. I had young kids, 5, 3, and 1. I was working as well, so it was a side hustle. And so it's— we like, we had the aha moment that it was like a much longer version of the Camino. But so you can actually have these realizations in your own life without quitting your job and going to Europe for 14 months, and you can actually figure this stuff out along the way inside a messy, chaotic household with kids and jobs and things like that. So that's what Cass and I are here today is sort of translate her experiences on Camino to my experiences in real messy life and, and see if any of those might shine a light for how you can actually restore that balance. back within yourself and start choosing you. Start choosing you.

Yeah, yeah. Um, and the Camino was, uh, a real gift of space and time. It was 800 kilometers, so it was a lot of space and a lot of time.

And it wasn't easy. It wasn't— you weren't skipping down a lane.

No, no.

Skipping down a garden path.

Yeah.

Well, I think you thought you might be, but—

Yes, I did think I would be.

Camino had other ideas. It always does.

It gives you what you truly need, not what you think you want.

I know. And that's the same with life though, isn't it? Life will smack you in the face. Okay, yesterday afternoon, so Cass and I were trying to— like, it was admin stuff. Like, we bought a ticket for my daughter's graduation thing and we couldn't find where the email had gone. We spent hours, literally hours. That, and there was another thing, I was trying to reschedule some appointments for them. Hours, and we got nowhere. Like, actual hours we spent. And then this morning Yeah. One, like, we fixed it in about 3 minutes.

Yeah.

Yeah. We were bashing that square peg into the round hole, and I'm very good at that. A million times we, like, we did sort of say, oh, we should just stop. We should just walk away. It's not fitting. The peg is not going in.

Coming at it from different angles, different approaches.

Could we have tried bigger hammer?

Yeah.

Sledgehammer? Drill? Like, what else can I do to jam And everything was just like, it's not working, it's not gonna go, it's not gonna work, it's not gonna work. So we, um, we are still like learning this day by day. And so we've had like— everyone's had their entire life of conditioning. And so the link, I call it like living from your heart in a 3D world. So it's like, how can you actually check in and use your heart as your guidance system And the head still does the driving because it's the logical thing that can figure things out, but your heart will just say, hey, stop, just stop. And sometimes you don't listen.

Yes.

And sometimes you do.

Yeah, yeah.

So we are learning this as we go as well.

So you get better at listening to your heart, you get better at listening— well, I know I do I have become a lot better at listening to my heart, at listening to my body, at listening to the— having the awareness of when my body is telling me that I'm pushing something that shouldn't be pushed. Um, and you can physically feel it.

I just had another aha.

Yeah.

I just had an aha. So we were doing a webinar today and we both checked in like, do we want to do the webinar? And mine was like, bang, no. And Cass was like, no, I actually— my heart is saying yes, let's do it.

Yeah.

Anyway, the energy of this guy on this webinar was— and maybe because I was sitting closer to it, because I was saying, okay, well, I will put it on, but I'll do some other work at the same time. I had to leave the room multiple times because I— the anxiety I was getting from, you know, those fast speakers where they just pelt stuff at you. And I don't know, like, his face was bright red because he was speaking like— I speak fast, but like, put me on 2x and that's about where he is, and it's really loud. And I actually had to leave the room multiple times to just like ground and just take a breath. I was like, I was— I actually wasn't coping, which is so funny because my heart had actually said you don't want to do it. Yeah, in fairness, we did learn a couple of— they're like a couple of very small tips, um, in a massive sales webinar, but, um, they were worth it. But maybe I didn't need to be there and only Cass Because he wasn't affecting you as much as me.

No, no, it wasn't. But my, my heart said listen to it, um, and so we did. I just put you through the pain of, of 2 hours of speed talking.

And we are in a very teeny cottage, so I don't think I could have escaped him. I suppose I could have come to the tiki hut.

Um, but you had a physical reaction to the energy. Yeah, physical reaction to the situation. Um, and you, you listen to your body. You're obviously very in tune with, with your body and what, what is feeding you and what's not. Um, but I think a lot of people potentially aren't. I think quite disconnected between their body and their head.

Um, yeah, so it's about bringing that awareness. Yeah, like, and especially like for me, the kids' sporting carnivals back in Australia, I used to come away from them absolutely exhausted. And I think it was just the energies of so many people in one place, and I would just be absolutely wiped out. Um, so it's learning when do you feel invigorated and when do you feel wiped out. You know, like if you catch up with a friend, do you come away from it, oh, like exhausted? Or do you come away from it like that you've been like lit up and excited? And yeah, you feel like Wow, that was such a good conversation. That was like, I'm so glad we did that.

Yeah.

And just checking in and starting to learn the difference, I suppose.

Yeah. And where do you feel it? Like, if you feel physically exhausted, um, or if you feel tension in your stomach before you go to catch up with a friend, um, do you— are you having a— like, checking in with your body. Where do you physically feel things? And it's, it's quite a foreign concept because we are also out of touch with our bodies because we're constantly stimulated We're so busy. So busy.

So busy.

I feel like busy should be a swear word.

Yeah, I feel like busy should be a swear word. And I'm guilty, guilty, guilty. As was I.

And now I have nothing to be busy with. I had a great day.

But you had to remove the busy in order to learn how to get back in touch. And so now I'm sure if you did have a day where you were a bit busy, you'd start to feel a bit out of control. But it's once you've learned to identify the feelings, it's so much easier to rein it back in. You're like— although in saying that, I just had a, um, Sorry, my— Sorry, we got cut off there quickly. Um, our gorgeous parents calling us from Australia, so we thought we'd take the call. Anyway, as I was saying, you forget, like, I got so busy for the last 3 months, and it took my meltdown in Ralphs over a salad, a 4-hour, like, brain loop of just, like, out of control with this salad to— and it wasn't until the next day that I went, oh. You have it. You, I was so busy, and I was working and working and working. I was work. I was smashing out work. Like you, like in actual fact, when I look back, it nearly feels a bit like a manic period. The number of proposals I'd written and and emails I'd send, people I'd researched, and da da da da da da da. Ah, and did I get anywhere? Because I had not checked in. I think I had like micro check-ins, but they were like. Not from the bigger, like how? Like just ask yourself, like a good friend. No, but how are you? No, but really, really, how are you? And if I'd probably taken a step back and asked myself, which I think Camino forces you, and I think the same with the 31-day challenge, I it was right for me to make that commitment, um, like on YouTube because it. Forced me space and time each day to connect back in. And even though I was processing while I'm talking, because that's how I've learned that I process whilst I'm recording these, which I know is rather strange. That's how you work. Yeah, that's how I work. And I realized that the challenge had made me— had gifted me the space. By saying I was going to do the challenge, I'd gifted myself the space under parameters that I know I was going to show up. Because if I start a 31-day challenge, well, it doesn't look so good if it stops on day 4. You get to day 4 and you're like, all right, I'm done, I'm done. I know. So like, it's very— you get very clearly called out. And that's why I think they do challenges like at the gym and, um, like that, like those sorts of challenges, because you commit publicly And there's a part of well, one of my things obviously is if I've said I'm going to do something, I usually do it. And so I know that about myself. If you're not that person, then committing publicly to a challenge is not going to help because you don't care. It's like whatever. I did day four.

Not tied to you.

I might just change the title. It's just now a four-day challenge.

Challenge for busy busy yeah busy people.

Challenge for busy people. We've got the condensed version for the four-day people.

But yeah, the challenge.

was me gifting myself in a way that I was held accountable to give me space to check in. Like, where— how am I?

Mm-hmm.

And I was really sick throughout the challenge. And the challenge is messy and it is unscripted. It is like I am recording a lot of— like, I, I soon learned in it, and this is a really good point because I soon learned that I couldn't have makeup on and be in a really nice setting and recording and like with the great backdrop. So I quickly bought myself a phone mount because I thought the only way you're going to be able to keep this going is if you adapt the conditions.

Yeah.

So that my goal of still showing up every day could be achieved. So a phone mount meant that I could get to pick the kids up early and record the 20 minutes in the car before, like, so I'd get there 25 minutes before, press record, And I knew that I had that time. So the same with you with Camino.

Absolutely. Yeah. Um, yeah, it was a huge gift of time that I gave myself. Um, but I had to change my parameters multiple times through the walk because I realized what the expectation with no value that I set myself at the start was just not going to work. And I knew I wanted to finish the walk because it is one of one of the, if not the greatest achievements of my life.

Um, and it's the digging in in those hard times, which I think when you rebuild that connection back with yourself, um, it's like when you look back on like each moment, you have to dig in to get through it.

Yeah.

But when your why is so strong, yeah, like you wanted to finish it, like you could have just like Said, okay, I'll just pack my bags and go. I'm done.

I'll take a bus. You can get a bus.

Yeah, you can take a bus. But you checked in and said—

And, and the why for me, like, I really wanted to go to, obviously to do the walk, but it was more than just about the physical completion. It was about, I knew that I wanted to essentially find a space where I could strip off and peel off all my layers and dig deep into me. And the Camino gave me that on a daily basis. but it was a constant check-in, a constant digging deeper. Why am I— you know, I'd have these, um, just like thought in the back of my mind, or a voice, my ego really, saying, well, everyone else is walking 25 kilometers, so you should walk 25, or everyone else is going to this town, so you should go to this town. And then I'll be like, but why? Actually, why?

Mm-hmm.

And it continued right until the very end of the second Camino. Like, it's, it's a constant process, and I, I definitely haven't reached The end of it. It's every single day. Do I want to— like the webinar this morning?

Yes.

I didn't want to listen to— didn't really particularly want to listen to a guy fast talking at me with sales for 2 hours, but I knew that there was something in there.

You checked in and you got a very clear answer saying, no, there's something in there for you.

Yeah.

And so it's that check-in process. And I'm going to say a really cliché now from the— run your own race.

Oh yeah. Yeah.

The cliché from the Camino is— well, the cliché is you need to run your own race, and you need to run your own race in life. Like, life is messy.

Yeah.

And chaotic, and there's influences that aren't under your control that you have to manage and adapt to. And, and the only way that you're gonna do that and not blow a gasket—

Yeah.

Yes! Blow a gasket. I actually blew the head gasket from our Nissan Patrol in 1997.

Multiple times.

Yeah, did I do it twice? No, I crashed the red car twice. I left it in park— in drive and it flew down the hill twice.

It landed on a nice soft grassy patch.

It did one time and the other time it took out a letterbox. But anyway, details.

Yeah, but you blew a head gasket.

Yes, I did blow a head gasket. And you know what? The car didn't work after that.

No.

And as I dropped it off to the mechanics and I was walking to the bus stop with my bag, a group of kids drove past me and egged me. And I was just like, do you know what? I just kept walking and I just moved my bag down there and just kept walking to the bus stop because there was nothing I could do. And interestingly, I didn't blow a gasket with that. I was just like, okay.

Okay.

Okay, that's—

we go—

that's just what happened. I was like, clean the egg off. See, life, life. I'd just like blown up the car an hour and a half away from home, had to put it on a truck. I was like 17. Put it on a truck back to Brisbane and walking to the bus stop and I got egged.

So So please don't blow a head gasket.

That's our point. Yeah, or a fufu valve. We like to say that too. Don't blow your fufu valve. Because like, and, and if you don't check in, like, you'll notice that's what's going to happen. Like, it builds and builds and builds and builds and builds and builds, and then eruption.

Yeah, over something that really is potentially not that big.

It could be a half of a point out of 10. Yeah, to If you're at 9.9, yeah, the whistling kettle is on.

I had that on Camino this time, um, and I thought— I very naively again— and thought I would be totally fine on this walk. But no, the Camino had other, other ideas for me. So I was at— and I, I think I was probably at a 9.5, 9.8 out of 10, um, because I hadn't been checking in with what— and I know exactly the reasons why I got to this stage because I hadn't been checking in with what I wanted to do and what was right for me and how I wanted to run my race for that day and for the first week, essentially. And I got to the end of the first week and a very innocent request for a coffee was met with severe expletives. I threw my phone on the bed, stormed around the room.

Toddler tantrum. I had a toddler tantrum.

I did. I did. How dare you!

What do you mean you want a coffee?

How dare you think I'm hanging around waiting for you to ask for a coffee? It was, it was really an overreaction. To— it was a, it was a, it was an unreasonable reaction to a simple request.

But I think in those moments, what you're actually angry about, you're angry at yourself.

Yeah.

Is who you're angry about. It's not the person that asked for a coffee.

No.

You're angry at you. Like, tantrums, for me, definitely when I'm losing it, it's because I'm mad at myself for not protecting my space, for not like actually checking in. What do I want? And it's a million of those add up to this. So it's that little— and people pleasing and wanting to do the right thing and like FOMO. Yes.

Missing out.

Yes.

Not wanting to be left behind.

Without actually knowing if you want to do it. Like, the checking in part is the, is the key to all of this because That's how you're gonna know. Like, you'll know once you've, you've lost it. But then, then normally what can happen is then you spew it out at the other person, and the other person's like, I just asked for a coffee.

Like, I didn't spew it at the other person.

No, she didn't. She stormed around the room.

I stormed out.

Well, it was a text, so it's much easier. But like, I know when I'm like that, and I'll like be furious at something. Like, what it is is you're mad at you. And so you've got to pull it back and say, okay, I'm not really mad at them because if you want to do the spiritual philosophy, it's like they're just a mirror. They're mirroring back to ourselves what we need to look at. And I've been giving pieces of myself away. Like, it's— and all of them are innocent, but they add up. It's like, oh no, sure, it's fine, I can do that. Oh, I can do that. Oh yeah, not a problem. I'll grab them and drop them there, and I'll do this and I'll do that, and And I think that's like sort of times, you know, when you're sick or, um, and you get a short fuse, it's like your body limits your ability to people-please, like to over— yes.

It's to override what is actually right for you.

Yeah, like when you're tired or sick and you get snappy, it's because you're like, I— like, it's your body. I think it's a defense mechanism. I only just realized this, where it's like, no, Yeah. Your body is shouting no through you, and it's like your defenses are down a bit. So Missy, Missy People Pleaser, um, it sort of gets put on the back burner, and like, sick me, I need to heal, I need rest, I need to focus on me comes out.

Yeah, I reckon it happens around, uh, I think PMS or the, the moods that you have in the lead-up to your cycle. I think, I do think it's that our override mechanism, our body is so focused on doing all of the biological things that our bodies do every day.

And the hormones, I don't know which gets released when, but—

I don't know at all.

The hormone must be the protector hormone. It's like, I'm protecting you from yourself.

I think the override mechanism is lower, so you don't have— I think this is something I realized on Camino, is that I override or have overridden what's actually right for me in the past so much Um, that I blew a gasket and then went off and, and had an amazing experience. Um, but you don't need to get to that stage where you completely— like Susie's been saying, you don't need to blow up your whole life completely. Um, but I've lost my train of thought.

But no, it's just— You've got to learn you. You've got to like have a date with you. Yeah, like this is all about— like all the magic is to be found within you. Like, I know that's I know it's a cliché, and I know, but it's true.

It's true. It is true. There's a reason why it's a cliché and why people keep saying it, because it is— it's all inner work. Um, and the more time you spend checking in with yourself about little things, the more trust and confidence you build in yourself. So when a big decision comes, it's— you're more in tune with what's actually going to be right for buying that house or taking that job or planning a holiday or whatever it is.

But the Yeah, practicing the micro decisions. And I think that they're actually harder than a big decision because— and that's why it's so good to practice with them because it's low stakes environment. It's like, I don't really care that much if we have Indian or Thai. Like, I'd prefer Thai, but it's only like a slight, like maybe a 51% over 40, like, or maybe no, it's not. Yeah, 51 to 49. Like, it's not a big difference. It's like, oh, I prefer it, but— It doesn't really matter. But if you consistently do that, you will deplete your own reserves. You're giving your power away. That's what they mean by giving your power away, because you're not advocating for yourself.

Yeah.

And micro— like, you get into the habit. It's so easy to, oh, it doesn't really matter, it doesn't really matter, oh, I don't really care. And then, then you're that person. It's like, well, I'm like the not the rock the boat person. You know how you've always got that friend that's so opinionated and everyone is always doing what they want to do, um, because you're not advocating for what you want. So this is just a lesson in getting to know you.

Yeah.

And starting to speak up for yourself in the micro moments.

Yeah. And it will feel scary at first because— and, and again, practice in the low-stakes environments because it will feel scary because you'll feel selfish and like you, you know, what does it really matter if they want Indian, you want Thai, or, you know.

Yeah, because you feel, you feel— well, I feel guilty for actually saying what I want. Like, there's a guilt which is— well, it's tied to the primitive. Yeah, then they won't like me, then I get kicked out of the herd, and then I die. So it's survival.

Yeah.

Being accepted is survival.

And I think it, it, and it has done the, that survival mechanism to not be kicked out of the tribe and so you don't die has, is so ingrained in us from forever since this is the way society's been forever that, you know, you're the people who don't rock the boat, uh, accepted that when you do start doing it, you, it will really feel uncomfortable. Um, But the more you practice, the better at it you get. And it— yeah, the little decisions every day, then the big decisions, um, and it gets easier.

Yeah. And if you're not a people pleaser, we would love to hear from you in the comments. Like, what does it feel like from the other side? I would love to know that.

What does it feel like to— because it's a constant practice. But if, if you can do it, if you do it naturally, amazing.

And then there's actually— we have a friend who I noticed that in one aspect of their life they are a people pleaser, and then in the other aspect of like their home— at work they're a people pleaser and at home they're not. So does that, does that balance it out enough, or do you end up being too firm? I don't know, I'm just thinking like I would love to know from the people, like, is anyone bad? Is anyone good at this?

And I think what I found when I started making decisions for me is that the— so say someone wants Thai, or they— I can't— yeah, let's say they want Thai and you don't want to, or you're not sure. The answer for you is not always the complete opposite. Or say they want to go on a holiday to such and such and you don't know what you want. The answer is— I don't know.

Is it Vietnamese?

Maybe.

Is the answer Vietnamese?

But it's not What's right for me is not always the complete opposite of what the other person wants. So it's not I have to agree with them or make the complete opposite decision. It's what do I, what do I actually want? And that for me takes time. I have to figure it out. And it's, and it happens for even the small decisions like what do you want to eat? Most of the time I genuinely don't care. Um, sometimes I do, but it's, it—

Hmm.

Figuring out what's right for you is not Always saying yes to the other person, but it's not always a no or the complete opposite.

It's more the balance. Is it? It's more the balance. Or are you saying like Thai, Indian, and you go, well, Indian's feeling a bit heavy, what about we do Viet? Like a compromise? Or is it like an adaption of like, okay? Or the other person might not care if they have Thai. I think it's the speed. Like, by not saying that— we did say this— people pleasing is lying to the other person. Because if you say to them, actually I think I'd actually prefer Thai. They go, well, actually, that sounds good. Let's get this, this. I, I would love— if we're gonna get Thai, how about these dishes? Yeah. And you'd be like, yeah, actually, that would work.

So curry, that's kind of meeting in the middle. Yeah.

You never, um, give them the opportunity to actually input if you don't tell them each time what you would actually prefer. Instead of you saying, oh, I don't mind, you just choose, you say, well, I would prefer Thai. That's hard though. That's hard for me. Especially if it's a bit of a big group and it's like, oh, are they going to be annoyed? Like, and do you know what I think it is? It's you're scared that you're going to be that opinionated person, I think.

Yeah, or the difficult person.

Yeah, the difficult person. Yeah, yeah, because you just, you don't want to rock the boat. Yeah, no, you don't want to be the difficult person, but— oh gosh, sorry. Obviously I need to be— learn to become the difficult person more.

You need to get something off you.

Get something out. Yes, maybe. But I suppose also the fact that we're labeling it a difficult person just because they're saying what they want, that's not actually a difficult person.

That's not someone who knows what they want and is—

is—

has the trust and confidence in themselves to say it. And that's not a difficult person.

It's not a difficult person.

That's what we should be striving for.

Yes. I think they become difficult if they have firm boundaries and there's no flexibility. Yeah, um, then, then that's difficult. But we are labeling people that advocate for themselves difficult people. This is just from like this, like I'm— we're processing here, like in real time.

This is not scripted.

No, but you can tell that. But we're processing in real time, like how have we got here? And so maybe you can see in your life If this is— make like— I think you have to hear things a million different ways to finally get that click and the drop and, and it translate into your truth. Like, you can say, oh my God, those 2 girls in the tiki hut, they are crackerjacks. Like, what are they going on about? But even if you just find one little bit from this and you take that and add it into your truth.

Yeah.

This is your own journey. This is each of our own journeys, and only we know how to run that race. All we're doing is showing you how we're running the race, and you might just hear one thing that you go, wow, I can incorporate that, and that might help me feel a little bit more me, a bit more at home.

Yeah.

In this life and not so discombobulated and disconnected.

Yeah.

And I think that that's the point. Like, everyone says we need more connection, but really the first connection you need is within.

Yeah.

Oh, clanger.

Oh, that is a clanger. It is true, it is true. Uh, because if you can't— if you don't— if you're not connected with yourself— oh God, you're not connected.

It's contagious. Yeah, it is contagious.

Um, the connecting with your with you is—

Well, you can't connect with other people if you don't connect with yourself first, because you get it, you, you're not giving them the information from you. Yeah, you're either mirroring back what you think they want, assuming, trying to control their, their opinion of you or their perspective of you. People play, which is really trying to control the situation. You'll— yeah, you have— it's a bit like they say you can't be in love with a— in a relationship if you're not in love with yourself, because Another person can't love you unless you know how to love you first. What did you think of then?

I thought of the, the mask on the airplane.

Oh yes, yes.

Look after yourself first.

You've got to put your own mask on first because you cannot help anyone if you're— what's it called? Yeah, I know, uh, uh, hypoxia. Ah, hypoxia and stuff. Ah, you know, I don't know many things.

But yeah, you have to put— you have to fit your own mask first before you can help other people. So you have to connect with yourself before you can connect with other people. You can connect with people, but will it actually be a connection that brings you joy?

Well, it's funny because hypoxia, one of the symptoms is sort of like drunk-like, um, yeah, drunk-like behavior, like sort of not like a little bit drunk. So if you get hypoxia from not having your mask on, you're going to be acting in a way that isn't You're not going to be able to help people anyway. You're not going to be able to help anyone. Oh, I like that.

Yeah.

I really like that. There you go.

Years of listening to the safety announcement on the plane.

I know. And pull on the whistle and a light to attract attention. Oh no, pull on the tabs and a whistle and a light.

But yeah, and the connecting with yourself is— it's a, it's a, it's a conscious choice and an ongoing daily choice.

Well, yes, actually I just realized, because if you're not connecting with yourself, maybe that's where you're giving your power away, with micro decisions like Indian or Thai. Because you like— it's sort of like you have a flash in your mind. Like, what pops into your mind is actually sort of messages from your soul. You know when you get ideas and like things pop in? They like— especially like, especially when they're like exciting, like, oh my God, like, and you think of that like Thai dish that you love and you like, you're, oh my God, that pops into your mind and you think about it. Then the other person says Indian, that's when you need to actually check back in. So it's sort of like you get the inspiration, they say something else. If you can't connect in with yourself, then you probably don't even know whether their suggestion is something you want anyway.

Yeah, yeah, because it could be, it might be.

Exactly, it might be.

You might think you want Indian, but actually you want Thai.

Oh, whichever. Anyway, enough about the takeaway. Making me hungry though. Thai or Indian?

Oh, Thai.

Thai. Always Thai. Um, yes, so check in with yourselves. Breathe. Yeah, well, yeah, can— let's just do a little check-in exercise, why don't we? Like If you're going to check in with yourself, Cass, run us through how you would— like, say you're making a decision on the Camino. Am I going to walk? Um, just let's just walk through in the morning, like, how you prepare for a day and where you check in and how you do that.

Yeah, okay. So I close my eyes, um, and then I take a big deep breath into my belly and a slow exhale. Nose, mouth, doesn't matter. Doesn't matter. Um, and then I just take a couple of moments and just feel— I would feel how my body feels. And then if I am trying to decide, let's say, do I want to walk the normal path or do I want to take a road less traveled, I would say I can— I picture myself walking the normal path with the other pilgrims, and I see how that feels in my body. Where do I feel it? And at the moment I'm feeling a bit of tension in my my stomach and a bit of tension in my throat. And so I noticed that, and I don't try to judge or try and figure out what that's from. And then I would think about myself essentially walking off to the right, to the road less traveled, or the deviation, which I know will be longer. And then I see where do I feel that in my body, and that's in my heart.

I just feel tired.

I'm having a rest day.

If I were on Camino, I'm having a rest day.

And, and then for me, there's a feeling like I know. I also know, do I want— if sometimes if I— another way to do it is to think about, I say, do I want to take the normal road, yes or no? And a yes or no will pop up. And then if I want to take the alternative route, and I ask yes or no, and then a yes or no will pop into my head. And I don't rush the decision.

Hmm.

It doesn't come—

And sometimes it's super fast.

Yeah.

It's like bang. Like that webinar this morning, I was like, no. And I was like, yes, you should.

Um, but for me, I know that if something's sitting in my stomach or my throat, it's, it's a, it's not, it's, it's a just a caution. It's just information. It's data that my body's providing to me. If I feel something in my chest, mm-hmm, that's always a yes for me. And then if the yes or the no pops in, then that's, that's pretty clear. And I, I, you, I don't always listen to my body. Um, but I, I can tell that if I haven't listened to my body, then some— then it's not going to be an enjoyable experience.

See, whereas I don't get it more in the body parts, I like literally get excited. Yeah, like a, like a little kid, like a, oh yes, that sounds great! Like, yes, that— like when we did the yogurt and the strawberries and I was like, do you want some like Greek, like natural yogurt with strawberries? And she was like, oh really? And I was like, my whole body was like Yeah, I'm so excited to have these. And she's like, oh, weird.

I'll have them separately.

And then you got—

I did.

It was good. Yeah, it was good because the tartness of the yogurt, because it's not sweetened, makes the strawberries taste really like sweet because how strawberries can be. Anyway, delicious snack. And that gave me like— I was like, you know, like— and just start feeling that. It might not— it might literally be those feelings like They're like, oh yeah, that's such a good idea. You know when you get that, like, that's such a good idea? Like, maybe it's like, let's have a beach day.

Yeah.

And you're like, yes, I can't wait! I'm gonna get my book, I'm gonna get my towel, I'm gonna get my umbrella. This is awesome! Let's get snacks. Like, yeah, it's exciting. But if it's like, let's have a beach day, and you're like, oh, heat, sand, like, oh, sunscreen, noise, waves, noisy. Like, just, just— and, and we can't, like, as Cass said she feels it in places in her body, whereas I more feel an energy of like, ugh. Or listen to the words.

Yeah, yeah.

Like, do you want to go play at the beach today?

Yeah.

Or do you want to limp through whatever it is? Limp through a trip to Fashion Island.

But for some people, that really lights them up.

I know, like my daughter. When we went shopping for her graduation dress and I was limping through Irvine Spectrum Like, halfway through I said, I'm just gonna have to leave you in the shop with your '86 dress that you're trying on, and I have to go to Target and get some Tylenol for my headache, because I was limping through the experience. But I was, I was like, that's like— and, and you do, there's things like that which— she was so excited and she had so much adrenaline, and I was enjoying it, but it was physically taxing. I'd had a massive week. It was taxing on my body.

Yeah.

But it was so fun to watch her get so excited, and we found the perfect dress. So sometimes things are hard even though they're good.

Yeah.

But I was limping through. I would never go on a 4-hour shopping spree to Irvine Spectrum myself.

No, no.

Or maybe on a— like, in the— I'm a morning person. Like, it was nighttime, I was like tired.

Yeah.

Um, I still wouldn't do it.

No.

But you know what, actually, where I shop, which Which is really interesting. I don't shop normally. I always shop when I travel. When I'm on holidays is when I shop, and that's probably because I'm rested.

Yeah.

And have the capacity to go through the motions.

Yeah.

Because I do find shopping exhausting. So that's literally all my clothes have been purchased on holidays.

Yeah.

Apart from basic essentials, which I actually need right now.

Should we go shopping?

Yeah.

Yeah, but you, you'll feel it. You'll And you— yeah, like Sue said, we, we can't tell you how you're going to feel this or how you'll know what's the right thing for you to do, but just try a few different things. Um, and taking a little bit of time to check in with your body, and maybe you feel it in your lower back, maybe you get really tense in your shoulders when you're doing something you don't like, or maybe, maybe you have a conversation with yourself. Maybe you actually ask yourself out loud, how does— what do I want to do? Does this feel Does it feel right for me? Does it not feel right for me? Yes, just try a few different things. Just try it.

And there's one thing I actually want to bring up though, is as I said, I'm not a nighttime person. So the thought of going to events at like 7 o'clock at night, to me, I want to be in my pajamas and I want to be like— I don't want to be leaving the house then. And so I sometimes feel like, oh, I don't really want to go, but 9 times out of 10, when I get there, I have the best time and I'm so happy that I went. So recently I had a night where I did that and I actually had a horrible time and I didn't want to be there. It was loud, we were shouting, I couldn't hear. So I think it's just storing you for, for those sorts of decisions where you're like, oh, I don't really want to go because I'm exhausted.

Mm.

But in the past, you know, you've always had fun fun. You do need to keep some like checkpoints a bit like that, because otherwise I'd never leave the house after 7 o'clock.

Yeah.

So you need to like look at the ingredients. Okay, what are the ingredients going to be? Are they people that you always have great fun with? Uh, it like— is it a fun activity that you're doing? Like we've started playing Bunco, which is a dice game, and it's at nighttime and we often don't get home till late, but it's so fun and it's So like, I love the ladies that we do it with, and it's just such a fun night that I now know, even though I feel tired, I know I have so much fun at it. So you can sort of file those under, yeah, you feel tired, but you know you feel amazing when you do it. So, and, and that's the same actually any event with those ladies. I feel amazing when I do it. So it doesn't matter if it's 8 o'clock at night, I would go to it because I know— You know you're gonna have fun.

it's going to feed you.

It does feed my soul, and I come away always just like, wow, it was so much fun. I love connecting with them. So that's—

yeah.

Do you ever— do you have anything like that that, uh, where—

yeah, and it's probably similar things. Um, also housework. I don't know if that's really relevant, but—

Well, no, because you can change the conditions of housework. It's like instead of Ugh, I've got to do it. You can like, okay, what would make this enjoyable? Would putting on fun music like Fleetwood Mac— housework to Fleetwood Mac is epic because you're brooming to the beat and you're like mopping to the beat and it's just got such a nice flow. You're like dusting and wiping and fine. Well, for me it's Fleetwood Mac. Like, if I put that on, I can bounce around.

Yeah.

And I actually, for housework, I also think I love it when it— like, I sort of forward project myself to— I love it when it's all put back into place. My daughter is repeatedly ringing me and needs me to get her from school, so we will wrap this up in a sec. But it's fast forward to the feeling of how great is this going to be when it's all put back together.

Which is exactly the same as you knowing that you were always regenerated and Rejuvenated by the women that you play with. Yes, yes.

It's like if you know the outcome, yeah, is worth that not wanting to do it, it's so much easier to tap into that energy and you just jump forward into it. You don't need to like jump forward into the energy like, oh my God, I'm so— like, I actually, true, this is really embarrassing, but I get so excited at the thought of tidying my house and getting it all nice and sparkly.

Yeah.

Because I make the conscious choice not to consistently do it because I don't get a medal for it. No gold medal for having a tidy house all the time. And then it drains me. So then when I, like, I nearly gift myself the time and space to get it to that, to the stage where I'm going to feel so excited and happy that it's all how I want it. It's nearly, then you can see it like, this is for me, this is, this is definitely not going to be the same for everyone. Everyone will be different for Like your motivation, you might never care if it's all sparkly and clean. Like it just might be of zero value to you.

Yeah.

For me, I like I love it, but I'm not going to bash myself senseless to have it all the time because then what are the things I'm missing out on by constantly making those beds? Because those beds are constantly unmade. And instead, I can go. Me and Cass went for an awesome beach walk this morning, and we challenged ourselves to go all over the rocks and. It was, it was touch and go there for a bit if we were going to make it. No twisted ankles so far, thank God. But it was fun. And like, I don't need to be— I want to be rock walking with you. I don't want to make the beds every day. We'll do it once a week and it will look nice, and that's enough for me. Yeah, yeah, I agree. Yes. Okay, well, I better get that daughter. So we love you lots, and homework is just to check in.

Feel—

I am now the homework girl. Check in and just Just start to notice how you feel. Is it, uh, or is it, that's exciting?

Yeah.

And if it's, oh, I don't know if I can be bothered, think of the end feeling.

Yeah.

When you do it. And that's probably a little bit like, I don't know. Anyway, I need to get her, so I'm going to— shush. So thank you, we love you lots.

Bye.