How to manage uncertainty - especially when the rug gets ripped out from beneath you!

Hello and welcome to Susie Unshaped. I'm Susie, and it's been a hot minute. But anyway, I was very compelled to come and talk to you right now. So everyone just take a deep breath in, let it all out. Just another one, right down into your belly, and let it all out. And wow! Well, well, well, isn't the world just a crazy place at the moment? I have had the most tumultuous— uh, can't even speak— tumultuous few months like you cannot even imagine. And we probably won't dig into the nitty-gritty there, but I sort of wanted to talk about the high level, like the overarching things that I've experienced in the last few months. And the first one would be like, the biggest one would just be uncertainty. And like, I've had so many rugs pulled out from underneath me to the point of like quite catastrophic, like seriously, like potentially having nowhere to live on one day when an Airbnb canceled. And what I noticed was really interesting, and that is My reactions to these, like, they've gotten progressively worse and worse and worse, and my reactions to them have sort of like calmed down. So we were literally 20 minutes from checking into our Airbnb, and I'd been texting the host saying— and it was for a month— um, texting the host saying, okay, when can we check in? Like, what's the code? Or how do we get in? And then she just replied Oh, sorry, that, that booking, that doesn't exist. Like, that— I didn't agree to that booking. It's like, no, you agreed to it. It was like in my system. I've paid for it. Like, it's our booking. And she's like, no, no, no, you can't have it. And I was like, oh. And that's literally just what I did. I was just like, oh. Like, she said we can't have it. There's nothing I could do. Like, I couldn't change that circumstance. I can't like push her up against the wall and like Force her to let us have the Airbnb. Um, anyway, then so I just walked around as sort of like a a dull not a dull like a just a oh huh that's interesting huh and it's a really weird place to be because I was like we're all packed up ready to move into this Airbnb. It's summer in Orange County, so. Like, and it's about to— like, 4th of July is coming up, and like, it is not easy to get an Airbnb in Orange County for a month. Like, it's just not— like, you can't just pull that out of that. And then to continue on with that, Airbnb ended up not refunding our money for like 6 days or something, 6 or 7 days. So like, you're talking thousands and thousands of dollars. It was a month-long reservation. And we didn't get the money back to our credit card for another week, basically. So what happened? You don't need the details, but it was more like, how did I cope with that uncertainty? Like, how did I— like, it was pretty catastrophic. But this is like along a string of uncertainty. This was— I'm just highlighting this one as sort of the culmination of, I think, What I would call was a massive surrender. Like, I had to just— like, on that day, I was like, okay, well, I know from all the digging I've done into the universe and stuff, it's like there's always a plan. And even if you can't see that plan, there is a plan. Like, rejection is redirection. You'll be redirected to the right thing for you. So I did know. I was like, I was like, what is going on? Like, seriously, like, what? I was just, I was just befuddled. Is that a word? Confounded. Like, just like, whoa, okay. And in amongst this, we had all these moving pieces. Like, I was— my middle daughter was supposed to be jumping on a flight back from Australia to the US, and then my sister and my eldest daughter were going to like tag team in the sky. And oh no, no, no, I was going to pick her up and then drop them off, and then they were flying back. So I had to give my middle daughter an answer because she was like literally like 3 hours till her flight. Like, she needed to know, am I coming? I'm like, oh, hold up. And then her face just dropped. Like, she was just like, what? No, I need to be back there. Because I was like, my instant reaction was like, okay, all I can think right now is that we've got nowhere to live. We couldn't find anywhere suitable. We didn't have thousands and thousands and thousands and thousands of spare dollars just Sitting on our credit card waiting for like to buy it, book a new Airbnb, like, and, and I didn't even know it would take that long. I thought it would be more like a day to get the refund. But so I was like, okay, all I can think of is I'll go back to Australia with Cass and my oldest daughter and we'll figure it out from there. And so we went back and we rearranged everything. We put stuff in the storage that we didn't need. I got all my winter clothes because it's winter back there, and we were all in the car and We were there for— Nell had a party that night, so we were like, right, okay, we'll drop her to the party. And then Cass and I wandered around like literally homeless people. Um, like, it's actually funny, we had to figure out which grocery stores we'd use the bathroom at. So we'd like tag team that grocery store, then that grocery store, then that grocery store, so that we didn't look like we're constantly just in the one. Like, this was, this was real. And so, Cass and I, we hadn't eaten all day. We dropped Nell to her party. We hadn't eaten all day. We got a delicious pizza and went and just sat by the beach and watched the sunset and ate our pizza, and we were just like, hmm, okay, right. What— we're obviously being shown something. We can't see what it is. And there was just a sense of calm or delusion, one of the two— calm or delusion. Um, As we sat and ate the pizza and watched the sunset, and we were just like, okay, well, we know we need somewhere to stay tonight. We don't have to commit to me— oh no, we did have to commit to me— to Penny. Penny needed an answer, is she flying back or not? So anyway, we were looking around. We booked a place for the night. We booked it halfway to LA, so we thought, we'll get— that's our option. We've got to go to LAX the next day anyway, no matter what, for either all of us to go or to pick up Penny and drop them off. So We did that. We just did what we could, which was the first step. Okay, let's just find somewhere for tonight. So we found that, we ticked that. Okay, we have— we're not homeless tonight. And then I just sort of started chatting with a few Airbnb people because we had like enough for like a few weeks— sorry, not a few weeks, like 4 or 5 nights, but not— and like, because it's the OC in summer, like a night here is crazy. Um, so I was like chatting to some people and finding some options, and one lovely girl on Airbnb actually who hosts lots of properties like, no, I've got you. I'll help you find something. It's okay. So we signaled to Penn, yep, get on the flight. And then we just were like, we have no idea why that happened. Anyway, long story short, we stayed at the— we stayed at the motel that night. We said it was super cute. We didn't get there till like really late, like nearly midnight, because— and this darling old like night manager waited up for us because I'd called him and said we're going to be late to check in. And so it's funny how the universe gives you little things, like just take little crumbs. Like, we'll just take the little crumbs. Like, a really lovely night manager. We went into this little motel, it was by the seaside, and it was like, it was very basic, but it had really nice like seashell covers and stuff, like really nice soft cotton. It was super clean. So we're like, okay, this is good, we can do this. We got up the next day, and then the girl I've been talking to on Airbnb kind of went radio silent. So I was like, Oh no, that's right, I booked it in the morning because— that's right, I booked it first thing in the morning and then she sent me a message saying, oh my God, someone just instant booked before you and now that room's not available. And I was like, hmm, ha, hmm. I already had Penny in the air, she was coming back. And truthfully, like, the look on her face when I said she'd have to stay in Australia for longer, she was like, but Mom, my whole life is over here, in like, is in the US. Like all my friends, I've got plans, I've like— and this is what I've been fighting so hard for. Like she has created herself a whole new life, as has Nell, which is why they were tag teaming, because Nell had all her friend stuff on the week when Pen was in Australia. Anyway, I'm probably— you're probably not following me, but I'm going to try and get to the point. And so Pen was flying back. I didn't have a place to stay. I was picking her up. She was going to a friend's house. So I was like, okay, that's all right. I just need to find somewhere for me for tonight. Um, anyway, I am blabbing. Um, long story short, that whole day I was like literally like, I don't know where— like literally like one night in a motel where we live is like $500 for one night. And I was like, that is just crazy. Anyway, so I just let it go. I was like, do you know what? It's gonna figure out. Something will figure out. And I just did the total surrender and trust. That something would figure out. And it did. And it actually coincidentally happened. We went to LAX to wait for Penn to land, and the planes were actually landing in over at the In-N-Out. Um, we're waiting at In-N-Out, um, near the airport, and the planes were landing as they're coming over. Uh, the planes were landing literally over the In-N-Out. Anyway, um, I was tracking her on the flight tracker And we went outside and then we could see her Qantas jet literally landing, and I just completely burst into tears. It was so emotional. And at the same time as she was landing, I got the message saying, it's okay, I've got a room for you, I've got a place that you can stay, we've got this, you're sorted. And I was just— I just like burst into tears. It was like the biggest like culmination of Like relief, but then like nostalgia. And like, it was just such a combination of emotions. And just, I only really sort of, um, and, and then the last 2 weeks have been since that has also been quite tumultuous, but it's all worked out. And when I look back in hindsight, I now see how everything had to happen Exactly as it happened. We finally found our long-term rental, which we love. If we'd been in the Airbnb for a month, we wouldn't have been looking so hard for the long-term rental. So everything plays out as it should. And even when you can't see why something that you think is so devastating at the time, like why when the rug is ripped out from underneath you, You may never know, but often in hindsight you can see, well, if that rug hadn't been ripped out from underneath me, I wouldn't have been looking so desperately. And the reason I think we found out we got the long-term rental is because I was actually like stalking the streets, and we saw it on Zillow, and I drove past, and on the sign there was his phone number, but on the Zillow posting there was no phone number. So if you hadn't gone to visit the house in person, no, you wouldn't have the phone number. And so I managed to see it first. I really connected with the owner. It was absolutely fantastic. We're going to be so happy there. And so it was like, if— like, that's what— like, when I had packed up to go back to Australia, like, my— you know, I'm just saying, talk— lead from your heart. Everything was screaming, do not go back, do not go back, do not go back, do not— like, my whole body was yelling it at me. The message was so loud, and I just said to my sister Cass, I was like, "I can't go back. I have to figure this out another way because my whole body is screaming no." Like it was the loudest no that I've ever had. It was just like literally my whole body was just like no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. We are not doing that. Ah ah ah! Nope, you are not going back. Nope, nope, nope. We don't care. We don't care what you have to do to stay, but you are not going back. I said to her, I'm not going back. And I was like, I'm just gonna have to figure it out. And it was a combination of like listening to my heart and like my, like my whole body was like yelling it at me. And I think because I've been practicing listening, like I could hear it. And sometimes, um, I, I want to actually create a meme of myself. It's the bashing the square peg into the round hole, like boom. Boom! With like, oh, my head being the round peg trying to go in the square hole. Boom, boom! Because I feel like sometimes that's just the epitome of my life. It's like I keep trying to bash something into a hole that just won't fit, like literally won't fit. And I was like, okay, so I think that what that— what I mean by that is sometimes you just have to stop trying. Stop trying. You can poke a few things and see if anything comes loose, but— and I think that that's what they talk about when you remove the, the expectations you have around an outcome. Like, like it's a nice to have, but I can figure out other options if it doesn't eventuate. And I think that that's how in the last 2 weeks it was just like, okay, that will— that can work, that'll be great, but okay, here's some other options, here's some other options, here's some other options, and just keep pushing lots of different options and with no like, I need that one, I need that one. Because if I'd like— not that I could have managed to get the Airbnb for a month, and I think even if you look at the universal signs, like the fact they didn't refund our money straight away meant that I couldn't book another Airbnb for a month, which then put me into the situation where I needed to be hunting harder for a long-term rental, which In hindsight, I probably should have been doing earlier. But anyway, as it played out, everything worked perfectly, like to the day, to the hour, to the everything of everything unfolding. And so this is just my little reminder that when things seem to be falling apart, like when the rug is being ripped out from underneath you, just say, huh. Huh. Okay. Hmm, that's interesting. And you don't need to figure it out, you don't need to know why, but you just need to trust you're being redirected to something that is better for you. Like, it is a redirection onto a better path for you. And it's only then when you— if you keep trying to bash that square peg into the round hole and don't listen to the signs And just, huh, take a step back. Go and get a pizza. Go and watch a sunset somewhere. Hmm. Okay. Right. Didn't expect that. Like really didn't expect that. But huh. And just like it's like a surrender that okay, I have no idea why this happened. I may never know. I actually, in hindsight now, do know. And often you will figure it out. You'll be like, oh, okay, I see now why that had to happen so then that could happen and that could happen. Anyway, um, and I wanted then to touch back, and I was just having like— so I found the long-term rental. I love it, I love it. It's so beautiful. I can't wait. It's absolutely perfect. It's like this beautiful little cottage. It's got gorgeous ocean views and views all the way down through the beaches. Like, it's super cute, super like has a warm energy. The owner is a lovely gentleman. It's just fantastic. Lovely neighbors. And I just know we're going to be so happy there. Um, but it made me— I was just sort of like last night, I was just sort of doing like a reconciliation of the last 7 months and how hard it's been and how much of a challenge and how much. I just feel like I'm constantly fighting a battle. And, um, I was actually using ChatGPT because I use it as my emotional support, um, tool sometimes because I have some threads where it knows me really well. And, um, it was talking about— like, we were talking about— we were talking about it like a balance sheet, like assets and liabilities. And what was really interesting And I can't even remember who said it, me or chat, but was we need to start counting our assets not just as the financial things we own, not just I have that house, I have that car, I have that whatever it is, investment stock or whatever, but what about the assets of like having children that are happy and loving their lives? Like That's a pretty big asset, I think. Like, and for me, like, I was literally in tears when I was like, yes, because I've like literally— I am starting again. Like, I got rid of everything in Australia and I am starting from scratch. I have— you'll laugh— I have 1 couch, 1 queen bed mattress, 4 plates, 2 wine glasses, 1 crystal glass, 1 mug. I do have my knives because I brought them from Australia and various kitchen utensils which I love from Australia. I have one, one like fry pan. We have a Ninja blender because Pen bought that because she was desperate for smoothies. Um, but like, we are starting again. We have like 3 tea towels. Like, it's like, it's going to be an adventure and I don't care because I would give up all of that, like everything again, and start from scratch. For the result that I've had from— for the asset of my kids, my 2 girls being so happy and creating this life for themselves over here where they're just thriving. And just like, you can see the joy, their eyes sparkle, they're like— they're laughing and smiling, and like their whole demeanor has changed over here. And it's been worth all of the liabilities that it's cost. To get there. And so, well, I think my asset sheet is looking fairly robust and healthy. And I think looking in terms of abundance, like, there's so much more to abundance than just money. Like, happy kids that are thriving— like, how much would you invest for that? Like, it's actually something Cass and I were talking about. It's like I would invest every single thing I had for that. Like, it's just a no-brainer. And it's not giving them— I'm not giving them money. I'm not giving them things. In fact, they've had to go without a lot because we've been managing and like budgeting and like what can go where, and we need a fund for that, and we need a fund for that. And like, we've only got these jigsaw pieces that we can fit, and our puzzle doesn't have all the pieces yet. So it's like it's more just creating an environment for them to thrive. And so I think that I am currently the wealthiest woman I know. Actually, I don't need to compare it with anyone. I am as wealthy as I could possibly be. Like, with that on my asset sheet, the liabilities are irrelevant because the liabilities are just things like you can pay down loans and debt and things like that, but If you've invested into joy and happiness and providing an environment for kids to stand up and create their own reality and create their own, like, new world, like, that is just to me amazing. So I think the point is, number one, if the rug gets pulled out from underneath you, Which— That was probably the biggest one because it was so instant and such a short amount of time. Like, it was like we had half an hour, we had the whole car ready to check in this place for a month, and then they're like, oh no, no, you can't. So it's like, right, okay, so we've got nowhere to stay for a month. So all of a sudden, all the plans and how I had it all arranged in my head just went out the window, and I was like, okay, we just gotta wipe the slate clean. And then what you do is you just start with the pieces that you know. Okay, these are the pieces, put them out. Those are the pieces, and like some have flexibility, some don't, and you just start working with that and get a pizza and go and watch the sunset. Anyway, count your assets not just as financial things but the joy of a beautiful friendship, like whatever they are. Like money is not everything, like financial stuff is not abundance. Abundance is love. Abundance is like joy. Abundance is like so much more. Okay, I've yabbed on long enough now. I love you lots. Goodbye.