Integrating the terrified version of you! Instead of being brave - allow yourself to feel terrified

Hello, welcome. This is no day because we're not doing the challenge anymore. You haven't done the 31-day challenge of living from your heart in a 3D world, I strongly recommend you go back and do it. It's free. It will change your life like it will change your life like it changed my life. And I only did it to keep myself accountable from living from my heart, and boy oh boy oh boy did it work. Not so much the living from my heart, but in the aha moments about who I am, who you are, why we are here. What is it all about? What is life about? Like, what are we doing here? If you want to know those answers, go back to day 1 and start from the very beginning. And that always makes me sing that, The Sound of Music. I love it. Anyway, I'm filming today with my hair up. I know it makes me look really weird, but I just don't care because I just don't care. It's irrelevant. If you're still watching by now, you don't care either, I'm sure. Anyway, I think I nearly came on yesterday to film this video, and then something stopped me. I've been helping a friend with some stuff, and that ended up sidetracking me, and then I never got around to it. But, um, I've been feeling really blah lately, like really Nearly depressed would be the word. And that's why I think this is so important, and that's why it's hard if you haven't done the 31-day challenge to understand. This is the 3D integration of everything that we know. And I think at first I have been trying to spiritually bypass a little bit from this sad feeling that I'm just feeling, and like this emptiness, and Band-Aid over the top and like find the better feeling. And I don't think I've been letting myself sit in it for long enough. Yeah, I'm feeling emotional now. So I haven't, I haven't let my human feel the sadness that it wants to feel, all of the sadness. I've been, I've been trying to get through the, through to the other side too quickly, I think. And then I was wondering what other, um, emotions and have I— in my human emotions that my human came here to feel. Like, we came here to feel the sadness because the sadness— and this sadness doesn't come from a victim mentality. The sadness comes from love. So you can feel the sadness without it not being in alignment with who you are. And this is the part where I think I've been trying to jump forward too quickly. And then I was like, well, what else? And, and sort of, I don't know if you remember the day where I talked about where we have the school bus of all our emotions. It's from Dark— The Dark Side of the Light Chasers. And how about integrating our shadow work and all the traits that we think make ourselves less than and not enough? And once we know who we are and we know that we're enough, we know that it doesn't matter. You're enough anyway, whether you're lazy, rude, arrogant, whatever. And do you know the word that like has come up for me? The part of me that I have not integrated, and I'm actually getting quite sad now. So it's really it. It's it's there. And the word that keeps coming up is terrified. Terrified. That terrified girl. That's the one that I've been slapping over the top of with Band-Aids of bravery and courage and, and you can do it and support and like all of those things. But I haven't just allowed the terrified girl. I haven't just allowed the terrified girl. To be seen and loved and accepted. Like every time I've been terrified, like ever since I was little growing up all through like that part of me has been severely repressed because you have to be strong and you have to. About how, like, suck it up and do it anyway, and all of those emotions. And like, she's so sad. Like, she, she just wants to be seen for being her, like, terrified. She just wants to be seen that actually she was terrified and she wasn't allowed To be terrified, and you are allowing yourself to be terrified. You don't have to be brave. You don't have to hold it all together. And there's something that I've been like writing down in my notes this week as I've been trying to like. Thought through this, like, sort of the blah feeling after I've come out of the other side of the 31-day challenge knowing everything that I know. And, and what it is, it's, it's the permission. It's the permission to be human, like the permission to be in presence as a human. Like, it's permission to be terrified and not having to be brave. Like, it's permission to not having it all figured out and all together. And, and what this all comes down to is like, it's permission to let go. Oh, just breathe that in because Or whatever your thing might not be letting go, like permission to whatever it is that you're not releasing. Give yourself that permission, and that's the permission, that's the permission of being human. Like, we know our truth, we know who we are, we can't bypass the fact that we're human as well. And I think Like, I can already feel the relief. And I made sure I consciously didn't apologize for getting upset, unless I didn't— I didn't even realize it. But I consciously didn't apologize for getting upset because we've got to stop apologizing and asking permission to be human. Like, right now we grant ourselves the permission to be human. Because we know who we are and everything that comes from it. And I give myself permission to be terrified and permission to not have the answers and to be okay with that. That's the point. It's like, I think I felt like, like the terrified girl. I think it comes from a fear of abandonment, like this fear of abandonment, which is our fear for survival. Like when I dug into what, what, where does this, like, where does being terrified come from? Like terrified of abandonment. And so then you don't want to let anyone look inside of you in case they see the real you. So they call it, that's intimacy. Like beautiful Maureen, into me see. So intimacy is like Allowing someone to see inside of you, like all of you. And those with a fear of abandonment, well, they don't want to let anyone inside to see who they really are because they're so afraid that if they see who you are, that they will abandon you. So that's where it is. It's like. I think she used to say it's like if you have a fear of abandonment, you actually have issues with intimacy. And if you have issues with intimacy, and if you have a fear of intimacy, it's actually, um, you have issues with abandonment or something. I don't know, they flip-flop, so one's the other end. I don't know, Google it. I'm sure someone much smarter than me has written something much more eloquent than that, but we're so afraid. Like, for me, I was digging down, like digging, like where does this— like, okay, yes, I'm terri— I, I want permission to be terrified, you know what I mean? Like, to just sit in it being okay to be terrified. Like, I've done some pretty big things lately, and not once, not once did I give myself permission to be terrified in any of them. I gave my— I gave myself permission, like, to trust myself. I gave myself permission it would all work out. I gave myself permission I can do it. I gave myself permission to be brave. And I never— that's the piece I think that is missing. It's like I didn't just give myself permission to be terrified when I was doing terrifying things. I didn't do that. And I think this is some of the keys. Where are you band-aiding over something and jumping to the next step without acknowledging, yes, that is terrifying, and you have permission to be terrified? You can be brave, courageous, all of those things, but you also have permission to be terrified. And to feel alone. You have permission to feel alone. That's how your human is fearing. And you also have permission to not have it all figured out. And that's a big one for me. It's like granting myself permission. And I have, like, in the past 31 days, the past couple, like the past month as we've been digging into this, I have Like giving myself permission more to have it not figured out and allow myself to be in the receiving and let the universe show me the miracles that my human brain can't figure out. I need to sit in receiving more. I want to, I don't need to, I want to sit in that receiving and not in the masculine. But yeah, definitely it's permission to be terrified. So this was an emotional recording, and I knew I needed to do it. When I record these, I'm doing this as much— I'm doing it more for me. I just may as well document it. And it was 11:11 then. Like, I'm doing this for me to process it. And if anything resonates, if you're still watching this, I'd say I'm guessing something has resonated that I've said. Because I, yeah, I'm recording this for myself. I suppose we are all the same energy too. So we know that from our 31 days. You are me. I am you. I am just the mirror, and you are my mirror, and we are all energy connected. So, and I am a frequency, and if you're watching this, you're my same frequency. So. Which of your human do you need to give permission to just be right now? And there's no, there's no wrong answer because every part of you deserves to have permission to be. Every single little bit of you, every single bit. And It's funny because I was doing Courtney's, um, from the Divinely Aligned channel. She's amazing if you want to follow her. Um, I was— I actually redid a course that she did from November, the 11:11 portal. And I've grown— not grown, I've learned. I've remembered so much since then. It's so interesting to do it, redo it, because you're hearing things differently because you're not the same person. Because I'm a new now person. And I looked back on my notes from the other times I've done it and They were all really like elated and high and buzzing. And, and then today at the end of it, she was like, do whatever you feel like you need to do. If you might need to cry. And for me, I needed to cry. And I remember thinking back, and this isn't with judgment, it's more on observation. I remember thinking back, I've done it twice, I think, this one particular session, and thinking back and thinking, oh my God, how could you need to cry after that? Like, I feel So high, I feel so amazing. And it wasn't with judgment; it was more well back then I was maybe a little bit with judgment. It's like how could you be crying after this? But now with my today eyes, with the me now now me eyes, I was like it's all layers of the onion. And when you start to notice that like feeling in your human. Like there's a layer of the onion that maybe you're not giving permission to be there. I don't know, that didn't even make sense. But what are the feel— like, we often, we're not running and numbing and avoiding and hiding and like binging and all those sorts of things away from our happy emotions, but what are you trying to avoid yourself from feeling? That's the big question, and only you know the answer to that. And as we all know, we are the big— we lie to ourselves more than anyone in the world. So what is your truth? Like, what are you avoiding? What are you running from feeling? And I just needed permission to feel terrified. And for that part of me, for it to be okay to feel terrified. And in, in that part of me feeling terrified, this doesn't make me any, any, like, any better or worse, because I know my truth. I know who I am. But I have been running from that feeling, like plastering over the top of it. And it's sort of it's a different thing. Like it's it like I suppose terrified is and like it is, but the word I wanted was terrified. It wasn't fear, even though they go hand in hand. But I wanted like terrified has emotion in it. Do you know what I mean? Like it's like petrified, terrified. It's like I haven't allowed myself to feel that because da da da da da. Like don't like you can't possibly feel terrified. Like you like do you know what I mean? It's been trained into us. You can't feel terrified. Gotta be strong, gotta push on, you've gotta, you gotta be brave, you gotta just do it, you know what I mean? It's like, but in doing that, we're neglecting that, that lonely part of ourselves that needs to, needs a hug and needs acceptance and needs to be acknowledged and loved. So I suppose, yes, it's like, I love you, we, we're safe, like When we know that we're an eternal being, an eternal soul having a human experience— No, I'm not going down that thread because I was gonna— but that's it. No, I will go there, okay? I will go there because it takes me back to the, the time loop movies like Groundhog Day, over and over and over again. It's like when you average them all out You're fine. Like we're fine. We go back to source. We can incarnate again. Like we choose to incarnate. Like we're not forced to do this. Like this is our choice. We want to come down here and live in this human experience. And I think and like I understand that. It's like what do you want to do? What do you want to play? What do you want to create? What do you want to like? I even like tried to go to the beach yesterday. I was trying to get myself out of this funk. Like I've been digging, and it's like, okay, go to the beach. Everything didn't work. Like, do you know what I mean? Like, I was sort of like going to my go-to. The beach makes me happy. Like, we first, we tried to drive to one beach, but we forgot it's the weekend, so no parking, etc. Didn't forget it was the weekend, but just didn't think about the parking. Then we walked down to the beach at the end of the street, and the weather was cyclonic. I was like, this is like, like, can't even imagine. So. It was just like nothing worked. Like the— and so I know why now. It was like that. It's like, you're not going to bypass this. No, no, no, we are not letting you bypass this today. You're going to process it. We're going to push you to process it. And so it was a combination of yesterday and then this morning. I've been doing stuff to process this for hours and hours this morning. And I've also done like a flip-flop. I've had my life was so busy and chaotic Like crazy busy, and then all of a sudden, boom! It's just like there's like these voids of emptiness. I suppose in the busyness you can mask, and you don't have enough time for reflection. So that's probably also part of the depression is I've had all this time for a reflection, really. Well, it's taken me a while. I've gone round around in circles, round around in circles, and then finally, boom! In it comes today. Like, we have hit it. We have hit it today. So love you lots. And like, being human, permission in the presence, like being like the permission to be human, every part of it. Like, we're not going to bypass it anymore. No more bypassing. And look, I'm only— I'm telling this to me, not to you. What do you need to feel? Like I needed to feel— I needed to accept and see and like that terrified girl. Terrified, terrified. And just acknowledge her. That's just it, just the acknowledgement and the acceptance and the love. And it's like, it is okay to feel terrified. It's okay to feel all the things, but terrified, you're allowed. Anyway, okay, I love you. Bye-bye. Bye.