Living in the present - and what does that even mean?!!? Hint - I think gratitude is a shortcut 😉

Hi, I'm Susie, and this is the Susie Unshaped Sessions. I want to talk about living in the now. Like, we've all heard about people talking about living in the now, like being present, and I think I've only just had the penny drop and the aha moment about what that actually means. Like, it's very easy to be in the now and in the present when maybe you're meditating or you're I don't know, like something that feels spiritual, or even, you know what I mean? Like, it's so easy to like, okay, now I can be present. But what is really difficult is how, how do we be present in our day-to-day lives? Like, I'm a single mum with 3 kids. They are a lot. And I think I finally— I think I've had the penny drop that when you're busy and you've got lots of tasks, like you've got so much, I think I think we all live on autopilot. So you just go into autopilot and you just do the tasks, you get them done. But like, you know, sometimes you've got a super messy house and you need to do so many things, and all of a sudden you might have like an hour and a half might go past and you have been on autopilot for the entire time. So for me, I think that that's the aha moment. It's— and, and, and how do we, how do we not be on autopilot? And I think it is just making A— and I think it might be a bit of a muscle memory, like we get used to doing it this way, but it's just taking a quick pause, maybe even like a big deep breath in right down into your belly, and then just choosing to actually be grateful for the moment. Be— and I think that nearly gratitude and presence are a bit, are a bit like linked. I think Well, that's— this is how I'm approaching it anyway. So I'll always remember— this is a bit of a sad story, but I'll always remember when I had my third child. He was a difficult baby. He didn't sleep very well. He had tummy pains. He was in pain a lot. He was like wriggly, whingy cry. He had to hold him pretty much the whole time. Um, and I had— remember I was sitting— I had 2 separate events that happened And they were— one lady was sitting next to a woman at a dinner, and the woman said to her that she'd lost her baby at 3 months old. And the woman said to her, all these people that are complaining about their children not sleeping through and their, um, crying babies and they're so tired. And, and she said to her, I would give anything to be tired and have my baby still. I, I'm gonna cry. I would give anything to have a baby still that didn't sleep through the night. just so I could have my baby. And then sadly, another, um, thing happened to a baby that was born a couple of months older than Max. And we were in the same ballet group, and me and her would bring the babies to ballet, and they'd both be in the rockers. And she was— her daughter was 2 months older. And then we came back from Christmas holidays and she wasn't at ballet. And then the teacher told us her baby had died, and turned out to be sudden infant death syndrome. They had no reason. There was no reason why. She just— Oh my God. passed away in her sleep. And those two, like, those two events triggered me into, I suppose, a form of gratitude and presence that I am so grateful I still have my baby to keep me up all night and to, and to like that I still have it. And I think that whilst those are such sad stories and they certainly helped me to endure what was such a difficult time because the alternative is just so horrific that you would never ever ever want the alternative. And so I think they're extreme cases, but I think the key is to see the gratitude for what you're getting to do instead of just going through the autopilot of the, I have to do this. And I did remember Um, because obviously being a single mum, I always am taking out the bins. And I would always, when I was like, oh, the bins again, ugh. And then the thought would pop into my head, I am grateful that I have bins to take out. So we can always find the gratitude if we just take a split second of awareness. And then in that gratitude, you can be in the present. Because the gratitude is like a key to the pre— to being in the present, in the now, because you're being grateful for the task. So instead of just like complaining and taking the bins out again, you can actually— I'm grateful that I have bins. And then I used to try and like, what else can I be grateful with this job? And I'm grateful that the sun's shining through the trees. Like, it could be pouring with rain, I have to take the bins out. Like We need to sort of zoom out a little bit and look at the other op— like, look at what else could be happening so that we can really— and I think that's what they mean by being present and in the now. It's, it's— I don't know if gratitude is the key or the secret passway or the shortcut, but I've been practicing that over here with the kids. I have to do a lot of driving for basketball, a lot of driving. Like, it's just me here. I've just moved away from all my support network. Clever girl. Um, But it's taking that, like, it takes 15 seconds, maybe not even that. Take a deep breath and then remember why you get to do that. Like, feel the gratitude that you've got healthy kids that can play basketball. Feel the gratitude in— and these are extreme cases, but, um, so I suppose a less extreme case of that would be When you've got like a house to tidy up and like you go on autopilot and then you just sort of, you're probably even a bit grumpy about it. For me to be present in that moment, I think there's some hacks. Like you can trick yourself into presence. I, well, that's how I do it. Trick yourself into presence. It's like, okay, I have these tasks to do. Take a deep breath. What is going to help me feel the gratitude in these tasks? Mm-hmm. So for me, music. Put on— and I have like, love Fleetwood Mac for tidying and cleaning and stuff. Like just the beats and the tempo and the music. And it is just for me, it's my perfect cleaning music. So find what is your perfect cleaning music or whatever the task is. And remember, take that split second beforehand and just deep breath in and feel the gratitude for the task. I have a house I can tidy up. I have things that need tidying up. I have children that made a mess. I have a beautiful dog or an animal, a cat that made a mess. Or like, I think it only takes like a split second at the beginning, and I think as we get more used to doing it— so I see I still go into autopilot all the time, so all the time. So I'm learning this just as much as you, but I feel like if I can share my tips of how I'm tricking myself into this presence and this gratitude and You do feel a whole lot better. Like, you feel so much better when you can just take— it probably even takes 5 seconds to— this, you need like a code word. It's like, we need the Fleetwood switch. I'm flicking the Fleetwood switch. Um, and just pause and just remember why you get to be doing those things. So anyway, that's what I— that's what I'm practicing at the moment. To take five seconds, it might take you longer. You might. It's a really awful task. You might need to really breathe in for a bit longer, but just drop in and like what? Where is the gratitude in this? Where is the gratitude? And what's going to actually help me do this from a heart-centered place instead of like a frustrated, like sort of place? Like what can I do? To help me drop into my heart. So, and I often— I know this is really random because I really don't like folding clothes. I can wash clothes forever. Folding clothes just is my arch nemesis. But I found, A, the music. Put the music on. But then, and I know this might be silly, but this is what I do, like, when I'm actually folding them, just feeling the gratitude for those children. Like, I actually can get quite emotional when I You nearly— it's a bit of like a— it's like a love message to your children. Not that they appreciate it, they don't, um, yet. They probably will when they get older. But like, like a love message, like folding your clothes is my way to say I love you. And I don't know, just see if we can find these mundane tasks that we huff and puff through on autopilot And see if we can just do some little tweaks that can help us drop in to actually doing them from a heart-based place. And I think that's what they mean about being in the present and being in the now. It's like, don't just hurry past things. And look, I am number one to blame for hurrying past stuff. And you just have to catch yourself. And when you catch yourself, remember. And take the breath. And drop in and feel the gratitude. And I, I am guessing— I still forget to do it all the time— but I'm guessing if, like, we will get better at this and we will get better at feeling the gratitude without having to remember to think to feel the gratitude. Anyway, that's what I figured out about these sort of mundane tasks. And I think gratitude and being in the present and staying in the now. I think that is the key. And I think actually I just— I was going to end there, but I'm not. Um, that's like a segue into nearly anything that we do. You can do 2 of the exact same things, but depending where you're coming from, they're going to have a different effect on you in your heart. So, um, for example, Let's use chocolate. Like, oh, I wanna— I'm gonna eat the chocolate. I'm like, I want a piece of chocolate. Okay, so if you're coming from a frazzled, like, I've had a really horrible day, I'm just gonna eat the chocolate, and you're just jamming it in your face and you're not really present with it, and all of a sudden half the block's gone and like, where did that even go? So that's scenario 1. And then scenario 2 is, oh, I might have some chocolate. And then You breathe it like, yes, I think that that would be a really lovely thing to do. And then you sit there, and I know some people— this is a new thing for me— but some people even like bless the food or the chocolate. I bless the food, but I also bless who sold me the food. I bless who made the food, who packaged the food. I've— I like bless the line of people that have helped you have that chocolate there. And I think That's like, it's a gratitude thing. It's like, I'm grateful that you grew those cocoa beans. I'm grateful you harvested them. You don't have to bless it like every individual person. You can just take a second to be grateful for the, like, all the work that has gone into getting that piece of chocolate there for you. And I think those are the 2 different scenarios. And I think when we come from that heart-based gratitude, that is the living in the present and that is the living in the now. And that is going to ground us in our hearts as opposed to just going through life on autopilot and just being, well, a bit zombie-like really. So it's all linked to gratitude and just taking a pause and to think about whatever it is, the activity. And I think when you do anything from a heart-based place, I just think it's just going to be so much better, so much more rewarding. You're going to feel so much more fulfilled. Um, and another little segue here is, um, I've been listening to Conversations with God by Neale Donald Walsch. It is the most amazing book. It's an audio— it's a book, but you can listen to it on audiobook and Spotify. And I know I was recently listening, I was driving yesterday, so I'm not much of a good— I'm not a good listener. I need to read things. Um, so I have to keep rewinding it to hear what they say, but I know gratitude played a massive part in it. So here's cheers for gratitude and just taking a pause before you do things, feeling the gratitude for whatever it is. And I think we can turn those mundane tasks into like heart-filled, heart-filled journeys and heart-fulfilling activities. Um, so anyway, oh, you're probably rolling your eyes at me. Oh my God, what's she talking about? But just give it a go. Like, see how it goes. Like, just take a pause. Or if you notice yourself on autopilot, even you might not have to feel gratitude for the cleaning up of the house. Maybe you just need to, okay, what would make me feel more heart-based in this? And Fleetwood Mac. If you, whatever your music is, but Fleetwood Mac it and just get in and like actually like dance around and sing to the music. Because I think singing and dancing also for me, is really heart-based. So I think anything that is heart-based for you, do that in— have like habit stacking, like James Clear said, stack those habits. And then the whole situation, the whole experience is just going to be more— you're going to drop down more into here and less in here, which this is what we've got to switch off and this is what we've got to switch on. It's heart coherence time. So You are all beautiful. You are all miracles. You are all divine beings. We are all the same. We are all God. I love you lots. Bye. Bye.