Susie Taaffe and Cass explore how saying no gets easier with practice, starting small with coffee orders or travel mix-ups. They argue that even a toxic workplace can teach you to set boundaries, and that speaking up reduces resentment even when nothing else changes.
Chapters
Um, and then I got into the work environment where it really was very toxic. And the lessons that you learn around setting boundaries, um, doing what feels right for your body physically and emotionally and mentally, um, I, I literally had this training ground to be able to learn or to practice putting my learnings and insight and reflection into practice in real life in a very, like we spoke about, a very low-stake environment.
Yes, you were leaving, you knew you were leaving, it was only ever a holiday.
Um, you know, these aren't lifelong people that I'm going to stay in contact with forever, or if at all. Um, so it, it was a good training ground.
I'm just going to pause there because I really want to— yeah, the low stakes, low stakes, practicing the skills in a low stakes environment like backpacking and figuring it out. Like, I think that, that I really want to just highlight that low stakes environment, practicing the new skills. Like, realistically, you were given the best opportunity possible. It doesn't feel like that when you're in it, but if you can start to see things that come up in your life as opportunities to practice how you want to live your life, yeah, I think that that's why I just really wanted to like highlight that low-stakes environment. Like maybe it's if someone pushes in front of you in line at the coffee shop saying, sorry sir, I was actually next, as opposed to just swallowing it down and feeling angry inside. Like, I don't know, that to me would be like a low-stakes environment.
Yeah, or if you're at the coffee shop and they give you the wrong order, you know, it, it, an opportunity to, to actually ask what you want for. Actually, I didn't order a cappuccino, I ordered a flat white with oat milk, or what, you know, whatever.
And this is coming from 2 people pleasers.
Yeah.
So we are talking to all the other people pleasers out there that practicing in a lot of ways, how to advocate for yourself.
Yes, it's defined.
Yeah, it is just to advocate for actually, no, that's not what I want, or actually, no, Like, oh, that word. No.
Just no.
Practice it. Say it now. No.
Oh no. No. What's this no?
What is this no? It's like, no.
And no being a whole sentence.
No being a whole sentence. No explanation required. So, okay, I interrupted you, but I wanted to just like really highlight the practicing what you'd learned in a low-stakes environment, but in the real world, which is toxic and is not supportive. And And that everything that the Camino was not. So, okay, yeah, continue.
So it was a low-stake environment because I knew, A, I'm not going to keep in contact, B, I'm not, I'm not going to stay long term, and C, it is a good training ground. And when you reframe the— because I, I, we had multiple conversations when I was in the depths of despair and I can't do this and this is awful, it's not what I expected, not what I was promised. Many tears.
Woe is me.
Woe is me.
We've all been there.
Yeah, but a reframe to look at it as a training ground in a low-stake environment actually made it easier and more palatable to practice. And, and a really— it became a good environment to practice standing up for myself in the workplace, um, asking for things that I was promised. And then things— look, things got— they got better. I didn't change my, uh, accommodation. The accommodation stayed rubbish the whole time.
Mm-hmm.
But I got to practice standing up for myself and saying, actually, no, this is not what I was promised and something needs to change. It never changed. But then I— it, it's about bringing the control.
You can do what you can do.
Yeah.
And then you can choose what you do with the outcome.
Yeah. You have no control over the outcome.
No.
You know, I could— and I also stopped feeling helpless.
And because that bruise, doesn't it? Like, if you don't say— if you don't speak up and advocate, even if nothing changes, it's an internal, um, anguish. Like, it bruises. It's like, like like a resentment. Like, I always like to think, like, at work, once that seed of resentment is planted, like, in a work environment, unless you have to do a lot to bring that employee back.
Yeah.
Like, once the seed of resentment is in there and they don't advocate for themselves, it just brews. Speaking from experience.
Yeah.
Actually, I'm speaking from experience. It just brews and brews and brews, and eventually that company will lose them.
