In this conversational segment, Susie Taaffe and Cass explore how the word "should" functions as a self‑imposed swear word that reflects external expectations rather than genuine desire. Susie introduces the idea of a "should jar"—a mindful practice where each time you say "should" you pause to ask why, checking if the impulse comes from a heartfelt need. They critique the relentless pursuit of goals framed as "shoulds," noting there is no reward for burning out. Susie shares a personal story about a "pity party" she threw while juggling work, single motherhood, and a side hustle. By imagining a perfect world and then granting herself rest—going to bed early and sleeping—she realized her core need was exhaustion relief. The dialogue ends with a broader call to recognize widespread exhaustion and to meet core needs through self‑compassion rather than self‑imposed obligations.
Chapters
Like, do we even bring up the word should? Not yet.
Should, should, should, should be eliminated.
Should is, as our darling Maureen says, should is the biggest swear word in the English language.
Yeah.
Whenever you are shoulding on yourself, it is for someone else's expectations. It's not like you're not saying I want to do that. No, you're like I should do that.
It's like clean the kitchen. I should see that person.
I should blah blah blah. So beautiful Maureen. She says we actually need a should jar. Should The should jar is the swear jar. And every time you should do something, just notice. That's the only thing I want you to do now. Every time you say the word should, just see why should you. Like, why should you do it? And does it come from a heart desire to do it? And if it does, I think you'll find you're not using the word should.
Yeah.
Like, I should do 25 kilometers a day. Why?
Yeah.
Wow.
Exactly, exactly.
To finish it in a set amount of days. Why?
Why? What's the point? Like, what— like you said, there's no gold medal for completing it in X number of days.
There is—
you don't get a special certificate. All the certificates are the same.
And there's certainly no gold medal for burning yourself out. I can promise you, you're the only one that's going to be left like broken. No one's give— like, there's no gold medal for that. Like, so what are we racing towards? Like, there's no prize at the end. for shoulding on yourself all day and like fulfilling all these obligations. Like, pare it back. You like give yourself some grace. I'm going to— I don't— have I told this story? I don't know if I have. The one where I was, I was having a pity party. I was at work. I was single mum, 3 kids. They were all young. I was— had a— Scanties was my side hustle at the time. I had a job as well, and I was in deep pity party. I was like, oh, my life is so hard. I am so— I just want, I want money. I want, I want— Why can't I be rich. And I was like, okay, pity party, we're gonna— I'm gonna play this with you. And I used to play this game with my kids, and you can play it too. Play this game, and it's called In a Perfect World. And so I was like, okay, pity party, Miss pity party, in a perfect world, what would you— what would happen right now? It's like, oh, I'd have money and I'd book this amazing holiday and I'd go to this beautiful hotel room. And I was like, okay, you can— so, okay, pick Pick a place, we're going to that place, we're in the hotel room, what would you do next? And I was like, oh my God, I would like, you know, those fresh, beautiful, like crisp hotel sheets. I'd hop in the bed and I would draw those blinds and I would just sleep forever. And I was like, okay, well, let's just examine this. So you're gonna go on an exotic holiday, close the blinds, hop into bed in a dark room and sleep forever. Um, maybe you're just tired. Do you see what I mean? Like, all the, all the, um, I had just been running myself on empty. So I was like, okay, I left work early, I got the kids done fast, I think probably fed them something out of a packet, and I got into bed. And I didn't go to sleep straight, but I just, I hopped into bed at like 6 PM and just, I gifted myself the space of rest and then an early night and a really good night's sleep. So my pity party was actually my core need at the time, was I was just exhausted. And like, how many people do we think are exhausted right now? Yeah.
