Your triggers aren't about the other person. They're showing you an unintegrated part of yourself, usually your wounded inner child. The speaker shares how her post-divorce rage revealed years of swallowed anger from chronic people-pleasing and wearing a nice-calm mask.
Chapters
Like, if someone triggers something in you, if someone does something and it really annoys you, that is your perfect sign to see a part of you that's not integrated, that you feel shame, guilt, all of the black stuff with. So it— this one's a little bit hard, but you get more used to it because if someone triggers you, whenever you're out of the situation, A, if they trigger you, see them as their 5-year-old, 6-year-old child, or 4-year-old child, whatever is the hurt child that's actually talking to you. And then go back to yourself and say, why has that triggered me so much? Like, what in me do I feel the same way I felt about that person? Because it's actually— it's— they're only being— they're only being a mirror for you for how you feel inside of yourself. So What did that person bring out in me? Like anger or something. It's like, where am I actually angry with myself? Like, say I had one experience and it was probably about 5 years post-divorce and the situation triggered so much rage in me. Like, like, I mean, I was seething, walking around seething in anger. For days. It took me to process this for days. And what it was, it was actually years, not just the last 5 years from the divorce, but it was anger I had built up for my whole life. And I— this situation, like, I just reached breaking point. I was at an 11 out of 10. It— I— my people pleasing and my keep it inside, be the nice calm person just wasn't cutting it anymore. It was like, nah. Not having it. It is coming out. Like, I mean, I was raging when I was driving. I was raging into pillows. I was screaming. I was like anger, like, like a cartoon character, steam coming out of my ears. And I wasn't— I was able to see I needed the release at the time, but I didn't know at the time that I needed to look within and see where am I actually angry with myself. Like, where have I— this person had sort of not let me down but was trying to like con me out of something, and it really bothered me. And but what it's really showing me is where have I conned myself out of myself? Like, where have I let myself down, and why did I let myself down? Because— And for me, it's the people pleasing. It's the It's the putting on the mask and the brave face, but it actually does no one any favors. It does no one any favors to do people pleasing and pretending and
