A woman explains how her divorce became a turning point for learning to ask for what she wants sexually. She argues that early dating has low stakes for practicing this, rejection is rare, and most men appreciate clear communication about pleasure. The best time to discuss sexual compatibility is before routines set in.
Chapters
How can we come— become more sexually confident, especially as women? I think many of us probably are very unused to expressing our desire and just expect men to be mind readers and to just guess what gives us pleasure. But it wasn't until I got divorced that I actually started being able to articulate with men what I wanted, mainly because I didn't feel there was much risk attached in the early days when meeting somebody. If they didn't like what it was that I was asking for, then, well, we just moved on. In a long-term partnership, that can become a lot more difficult because you feel that there's a lot more at stake by asking for what you want and potentially getting rejected. But the likelihood of being rejected when asking for what you want, in my experience, is very, very low. And actually, most men that I've met really welcome knowing what it is that I enjoy and how they can give me pleasure. So if you're starting out in a relationship, it's the best time to be able to have those conversations about what it is that you like, because then you can work out whether you're both on the same page and you're going to get along, not just doing the normal day-to-day activities, but actually when you are intimate with each other.
