Chris (Nomads 50+) and Suzanne Noble (Sex Advice For Seniors) go LIVE

All right, let's do this. Thank you so much for joining us here on Nomads 50+. My name is Chris Kalaboukas, and it's my mission, my current mission, to interview 1,000 digital nomads and/or midlife recalibrators. And, uh, today we have a very special guest. Uh, why don't you tell us a little bit about yourself and your story?

Hi, I am Suzanne Noble, and on Substack, some of you might know me as the host of Sex Advice for Seniors. I also— no, I also write—

wait a minute, Seniors have sex?

No, I don't know. I still have sex, Chris. I don't know about you. I mean, this is—

gentlemen, do not, do not say, right? Anyway, I'm not supposed to say.

Yeah, just be silent. But yeah, I'm still having lots of sex, so that's good for me. And I, yeah, I'm on Substack with Sex Advice for Seniors predominantly, and I And I host a weekly show that interviews professionals from all walks of life related to sex, dating, and relationships. And on a Sunday, for my paid-for subscribers— because I think that they should pay for it— I share with them one of my sexy stories, usually related to my own life, and they're very explicit.

Whoa, I love it. So how did you get into this? I'd love to hear how you got into it.

Oh God. It's, uh, the, uh, it's, I'm trying to abbreviate this story. The story is that I was married for 10 years and then I, and then I got divorced. I met up with a crazy guy. Um, we ended up kind of getting into a bit of swinging. He passed away. I got fed up with my life at that point, decided that I was going to manifest every sexual fantasy I ever had. I did that during my 40s. I wrote a bestselling book about that that was translated into 3 languages. I got my royalties the other day. Ka-ching for me. So I still make money off that.

Congratulations.

But then the menopause came along and I went, yeah.

Wait a minute. What happened? What happened?

What happened? The menopause?

Yeah.

I mean, you know, all my—

everybody though, isn't it? I mean, everybody. Yeah.

I mean, but I was like, you know, horny, like a guy all the time. And then suddenly I was like hot flashes, sweating all the time, feeling generally like, what the hell is going on? My libido kind of took a nosedive. I was with a 33-year-old at that point. I was 50. I said, Tim, look, babes, you're so cute, but I can't, like, I can't put you through this. He said, how long is this going to go on for? It's like a decade, right?

That's right. Absolutely.

So for the next decade, I sort of buckled down, was in sort of fairly traditional relationships until I got to the end of my 50s, early 60s, and felt a lot better and thought, you know what, what would happen if I went back to doing some of that crazy stuff that I used to do, but with a more mature brain? So not so risky, not so diving off a cliff as I used to do. More like considered. So I did that, and I hooked up with this guy who had a bit of a broadcast background, and he said, 'God, we're having so much fun. Let's do a podcast about our sex life.' And I was like, 'Yeah, sure, that sounds like fun.' So we did, and then after a few months, he felt like he didn't really have anything more to say. He'd moved away. I was like, 'I've still got loads to say on this,' because I, I had loads more experience than he did. So I just carried on, and now I've been doing it for like 3 and a half years, and I'm pretty well known for this now. So how did you—

tell me about what happened. Like you said, there was this 10-year period where things just weren't happening. Like, how did that end? Did it just, did it just naturally end, or did you, did you use hormones, or what happened?

Well, I was with somebody else, and it was all getting a bit stale, and then sadly he died. Um, And then I just, just before that, I just, this was at the end of COVID the COVID had just come to an end. And I went, you know what? And this segues very nicely into the show. I said, babes, I can't stand another winter in the UK. I'm moving to the Grand Canaries. I booked my flight. I booked 3 months Airbnb. I've never been there before, but I'm off. I know you can't come with me. But that's fine, you can come and visit me. And when I got to the Grand Canaries, I met up with somebody and I realized that there was all this alternative lifestyle activity going on there. And I just went, oh, that's kind of cool, like I didn't know that. So I hooked up with a guy there who took me to some clubs and I kind of got back into a bit of the scene. Decided to go to like a swinging village, naturist village in France and just kind of, you know. Cap d'Agde? Yeah, yeah. But I'd been to Cap d'Agde like in my 40s, which is written about in my book when it was off the scale nuts. But in my 60s, I went back on my own to see what it would be like. And I didn't have the same crazy time, but it was still really fun. Met some nice people. So yeah, now I'm kind of like, you know, in it, but not like totally in it.

So what was the trigger to get you back into it though? It sounds like, like all of a sudden things changed, or was it a different person that you were with, or like what was it that triggered you into it? Because I mean, there's probably plenty of people out there who are thinking to themselves, all right, I'm in the, I'm in the trough, I want to get out of the trough. How did she get out of the trough? Could I, can I do the same thing?

I was single. I was single. I met up with a— I met— I, I started like having a casual situation with a, with a French guy, and he said, I've never been to any of those swinging clubs in the UK, would you like to do that? And I was like, well, I used to do that, but I haven't done it for a while, so yeah, let's just see what happens if we do it. You might hate it, I might hate it, let's just see what happens. So he was— I guess he was kind of the trigger, and then The other thing about it was realizing that if I was going to remain a sexual person, I think this is the nub of it. Like, you can, as a woman, oftentimes when our libido takes that nosedive, we just assume that that means that we're no longer interested in sex. But it's it, it's over. But what I discovered was that that was not true. Was that the way we become aroused is different. And I learned that through the many people that I spoke to on the podcast, but I just also realized it in myself. Like, I've got to be more intentional about this. Like, I enjoyed sex, it was fun, it was a huge part of my life. Did I wanna sit around knitting and making soup, or did I want to—

Just don't do those at the same time.

Yeah, yeah. Or did I want to like figure this out? And so part of rediscovering it was like figuring it out, and figuring it out meant let's go back into some of those things and see if those work. And you know, I discovered, uh, chucked myself back in there.

So you just, you just went back to some of those things that you were doing before, but was it because it was a diff— with a different person, or you just had a different attitude, or No, I mean, I just—

before, when I did it, I was, you know, when you're a younger person, um, spontaneous arousal works in the way that you would walk into a sexual environment like a sex club, for example, and you would see activity.

You just, you just get horny.

It just happens, right? But responsive arousal is like, you can look around, you're like, Yeah, okay, it's kind of all going off here. I've seen this before, you know, and I'm not— I'm still not feeling like terribly like, oh, I'm not— nothing so horny about this. But then the person that I'm with might say, you know, he might like touch my leg, or he might like stroke the back of my neck, or he might like give me a kiss or something. And then I'm like, oh, okay, okay, I'm feeling like, yeah, things are happening now. I realized it needed to be like— there needed to be actual physical stuff.

So the more stimulus, basically, not just visual. So you can see things and that used to do something, but now it's more— it has to be, it has to be felt, it has to be kinesthetic, right?

Yeah, there has to be a whole context and a whole thing going on with it. So yeah, that's why now I just sort of have somebody that I typically meet on a Sunday and we just have a good time and I get my brain in that space and It's just, just all goes off.

You didn't need any hormones or any of that?

Yeah, no, I, I do vaginal estrogen, which is just to keep downstairs juicy and nice. And then I take testosterone and that gave me a libido boost.

Oh, really?

Yeah.

Is that typical for women to take testosterone?

Yes, at my age. But, uh, if you're in the— if you know, you know, basically, if you know, you know. Like when you meet women that take testosterone, they're like, yeah, I know, right? Yeah. Yeah.

So what would— so would that be your advice then to somebody who was in the trough? It's like, realize that there is a way out of it. I mean, you shouldn't just give up and say, this is it, I'm done.

Yeah, totally. You— I mean, you have to, you have to re— you know, you have to re-examine how important it is in your life and then you have to be intentional about it and For a lot of women, you know, some woo-woo people are like, we have our special day. And I'm like, well, I just— their special day is just me scheduling in sex. I'm not, I'm not really woo-woo. And then there's some just very practical stuff you can do, like make sure downstairs isn't all dried out, because it hurts when, when it's all dried out. It hurts, and nobody likes painful sex.

So yeah.

You know, vaginal estrogen just like sorts that right out. You're like a 25-year-old again, and then it's really fun.

And then isn't that— so what's the deal with that though?

I mean, isn't it just topical? It's just topical.

It doesn't— when you put it in and then it's good, you got— there's— you've got it. There has to be a delay before there's any, uh—

no, no, it's a regular thing. You use it twice a week. It's like it doesn't affect them.

It doesn't affect the guy at all?

No, it's just— it's just— it's tiny microscopic dose of estrogen that enters your bloodstream. You put it in. I, I use it I go to bed twice a week, put it in before I go to sleep. It's just, that's it. It's just like, it's like taking a prescription pill except it's for downstairs and you just use it twice a week downstairs and then you're sorted, you're sorted.

Is that, uh, is that doctor— is that a prescription? Or yeah, yeah.

And every woman, every woman on the planet that is experiencing dryness down there should take that for the rest of their life. The rest of their life. There's nothing harmful about it, nothing.

And it does work.

It's amazing. In fact, I just did a podcast before this one, and she was like, right, it's amazing, right? Yeah, totally works, totally amazing. Sorted everything out down there, and then testosterone just like ramped up the libido. So now I'm, you know, I get horny and I'm fun to be with.

So, so if your doctor says, oh no, you got to take HRT Is that, is that like a no-no, or is that a requirement, or—

No, not for me. I'm not, I'm not on, I'm not on, um, estrogen patches or any of that stuff. I mean, you know, every woman is individual, but for me, I was just interested in sorting out the sexual stuff. Like, the rest of me is all— is good now. It's just there was some stuff going on that I needed to sort it out.

But right, yeah, right. Okay. And then you're— are you still— so tell me about your travels then. So you're saying that you You just decided to go? Yes. You know, did you know where you were going or what you're doing? Like, how did you hear about it? Like, how did you hear about this place?

I'd always said I was gonna leave the UK during the winter because a bit like the East—

oh yeah, because I, I know what the UK is like in the winter.

It's just awful. And I just said for 10 years, I was like, I cannot stand another winter. And then COVID came along, I was like, I'm done. So I went on a site called Nomad List which is a site for digital, you know, uh, nomads. And they do a chart of the top places to go work remotely, and they rate them by safety for women, safety for gay people, cost of living, Wi-Fi speeds, you know, active— all sorts of stuff. Um, granted, they do a sorting by dating and stuff like that, and as well, yeah, I think there's that as well. And I think Gran Canaria was like number 4, and I didn't want to go too far at that point. I was like, you know what, I want to go someplace that's still in Europe, that's reasonably priced, that's going to have good Wi-Fi, and Gran Canaria ticked all the boxes. So I was just like, let's start there. So I went on Airbnb. I didn't know where anything was. I found a place that looked fairly central, but I realized later it wasn't, but that was fine. It It was, it was a nice clean flat. It was very nice. Um, and I booked a cheap flight from London for 3 months and I just said, that's it. Let's just, let's check it out. And then, and I was very, very, very lucky because Gran Canaria has a very well-established digital nomad scene. And there's a woman, an amazing woman called Nelly who runs a humongous Slack group. Called Live It Up Las Palmas. And this Slack group is where everybody posts like, oh, let's go out to dinner tonight, or I'm going to go and play paddle, I'm looking for a partner, or let's all go hiking in the mountains or something. And so all these people were posting, and every Tuesday she hosted a drink at this place called Reno Bar. And so the— as soon as I arrived in, I went on that group and I was like, oh, there's a tapas night happening down the street. I think I'll just rock up and join that. So I went and joined it, and sitting at that table was a guy who was just about to leave, who's written a book called Fuck Work, Let's Play, John Williams.

I love the sound of that book. I gotta go buy it.

So, and he's quite a well-known dude, so he was at my table. He was, he was working there remotely, an older guy. And then this guy, Jan, who was German And we just— and there were about 6 of us, and we all got chatting. And Jan mentioned that he played jazz piano, and I mentioned that I sing jazz. And so he said, I'm staying at this farm with this sax player woman who runs it, and every Tuesday we have a jam session. Why don't you rock up? We've got a piano and you can sing a song. And I went, I love it, yeah, I'll do that. So we ended up like I ended up meeting all the musicians on the island. I ended up singing. I ended up getting offered a gig. Jan and I were friends. I went to Germany to visit him a couple years ago. Like, it just all was— it just was an amazing— it's just amazing experience.

So it was just like— it's just by the luck of the draw. You said, oh, this place looks nice, I'm gonna go.

Yep, totally.

It's a pretty common place for people from the UK to go to go visit?

Well, there's about 3,500 digital nomads that go there during the winter, so it's mainly Northern Europe. But yeah, there's people from the UK as well.

Yeah, it's funny, it never showed up on any of the lists that I looked at, but, uh, I guess I just didn't look at the right lists.

Yeah, it's huge. It's huge for digital nomads. Las Palmas is the city in the north. It's very lovely. It's got an urban beach. It's not like super expensive. Of course, you got the Spanish wine. It doesn't have like loads of people over 50, but as I went there for 3 solid years, so it's got quite, you know, it's getting quite established now. But yeah, and then in the south you got all the craziness. It's a microclimate, so the south is where people go if they want to sunbathe. The north is a bit chillier, the south is warmer. But the south has got like a big gay scene, it's got a big swinging scene, it's got all the clubs, it's got loads of activity. So And that's just a 40-minute bus ride. So—

It sounds like a perfect place to go. And you just, do you go there every year or like 2 months every year?

No, no, so I went for like 3 or 4 years because then I started making friends. I found an apartment in a place that I loved and my landlord just like booked it for me every winter. So, you know, I had like a routine going, but then last year the weather wasn't so good. And you know, snowbirds, we, we want to, we want to go.

Okay, the reason why you're there is because of the weather, right? You're there to enjoy the weather. Yeah.

So I was like, oh, this, I'm not feeling this. It was a bit too chilly. It rained all the time. Spain had a lot of rain. So I was speaking to someone else and they were like, no, you got to go to Southeast Asia. So I was like, okay, that's where I got to go. So I just got back on Wednesday after 3 months in Thailand and then I didn't feel like coming home, so I went to Vietnam for a month. Yeah.

And then you came home after that.

And then I came home, but I'd like to leave again.

Well, you're in the UK in the wintertime. I mean, come on. Well, actually, is it— is this still winter? Spring.

It's spring.

Spring. It's still dreary though. It's still dreary, right?

It was so cold yesterday, but today the sun is out, so I'm feeling a bit better. That's good. But yeah, it was, uh, but yeah, Southeast Asia was a trip. And very obviously very different than the Grand Canaries, but same sort of thing. I hooked up with some Facebook groups, found some expat communities in Vietnam. I found in Da Nang there's a bunch of expats over 50 that meet every Sunday at a coffee bar. And there were like 25 people sitting there at this table. I just stumbled upon this group on a Reddit thread and thought, I think I'll just walk over and see if, if it actually still exists. And yeah, I met some really nice people, had some fun, can't complain really.

Yeah. So when you, when you're going to these places, do you usually hang out with other expats or do you hang out with the locals as well?

No, I normally hang out with the expats because especially in countries where English is not the main language, it's just you know, like the Asian culture is very different and it's— their people keep themselves quite separate. Yeah, just, you know, it's just the way it is really. In Spain, not so much. There's a bit more integration in Spain because— especially because the Spanish people really want to learn English. So, right, sometimes they'll piggyback on the groups because it's a really good way for them to learn English. But in Asian countries, I mean, the language is so different. I don't even know where to start with it. Like, I just learned how to say thank you in Vietnamese. That's about it.

You're not spending 3 months trying to learn the language like some of the other digital nomads I talk to?

No, no, I'm doing my work. You know, I'm still podcasting every week. I mean, that's the other thing is like The Wi-Fi in Da Nang was not great, so by the end of it I was getting really fed up because I was like, oh God, the Wi-Fi in the Grand Canaries is amazing. It's like fiber throughout the whole island, so it's like super— it's faster than it is in the UK. It was amazing. But then you go to a country where it's not fast and you realize like, I need Wi-Fi, I need to be able to do this. And oh yeah, and I can't do this.

Yeah, no, I mean, I remember when I was in Greece once, and we— prior to our internet connection being upgraded, it would take 2 hours to upload a video. It was insane.

It was ridiculous.

And I didn't even know if I could even do a live, a reasonable live from it, from some of these places. So that's, that's— I think that's a huge sticking point for a lot of digital nomads, especially once you, you want to keep working, right? Yeah, you're constantly working, right? I mean, have you ever stopped and said, okay, I'm just going to be a tourist Or do you just keep working the whole time?

No, I haven't. But I did. I did. It's funny though, you say that because most of the people in Southeast Asia are retired, right? But they never ask what I do because they just assume like I'm old like them. I'm probably not working anymore. I'm like, no, no, I'm working all the time. I'm working all the time. And so they're, they're sort of like free and easy to do stuff. But because I'm just like generally a curious person, I would say to them like, oh, you know, yesterday I decided in the afternoon to go to the Da Nang Museum and it was awesome. Have you been there? And they'd go, the Da Nang Museum? And I'd go, yeah, it, it reopened in 2025 by this French architect. It's got the history of Da Nang. It's an amazing, beautiful, well-done interactive museum. And they're like No, I've never been there. How long have you been in Da Nang? I'm like, 2 days. 2 days, right? I like met this guy and he's like, how have you done so much in a short time? And I'm like, what are you talking about? I've like been to a couple of fucking museums and some cocktail bars. Like, it's not, you know, it's—

some people, I like, some people retire, they like retire. It's like literally retire. They just like, you just go and sit. They sit in a couch or they sit in a chair and they take naps and they have their dinners at 5, right?

Just walk down the beach, right?

It's like, what happened to your life?

Yeah.

I mean, the thing is, is that when you, when you, it's like 50, you know, 50 is the new 30, I think, or because people just seem to act so differently. It's almost like they just slide into old age when they get to a certain age. They're just like, you know, this is the— this is how old I am now, so I'm just gonna, you know, retire. Literally, not just from leaving a— leaving a job, but retiring from life almost.

Yeah, I mean, honestly, you know, I've spent 10 years doing my— my other hat, and the whole reason I actually— that Sex Advice for Seniors, part of the reason why it started was because 10 years ago I started a not-for-profit called Advantages of Age, which has got its whole other sub-stack. It's a magazine, it's— we host awards, we do all this stuff. And on our mantra really is around changing that narrative around getting older. So we don't do the whole '50s the new 30' bullshit and all that. 50 is 50. It's like how you are at 50, that's up to you. I mean, either you can slide into oblivion if you want and that's your, you know, that's your choice. But if you— this is a time of life where we see a lot of people exploring, going nomad, traveling. You know, my co-founder is doing her MA in poetry. I'm solo traveling. Like, it's up to you how you approach this stage of life. And I, and I'm always surprised when I meet these retired people because I assume that at some point they're just going to get bored. I just think like, how long can you—

I would be bored.

How long could you do nothing? Like, I can't even imagine doing— but I mean, you know, that's probably my own problem. But I do look at them and I find them curious simply because my, my mom, for instance, is in her late 80s and she's still working. She's like, I come from a family of people who just, we just don't stop. So, so, so when we, when I come up with, you know, when I meet somebody who says I'm retired, I'm like, oh yeah, but what are you doing? And they're like, as little as possible.

I can't, I cannot understand that mindset. I cannot understand it at all. Yeah.

But they, but they exist. But yeah, I mean, what I find curious about these people, about, about people that choose to retire and then do as little as possible, is that if you've chosen to do that in a, in a country that you didn't grow up in and you haven't lived in before, like this humongous expat community in Da Nang, for example, like, I'm surprised that I had to tell them what was going on in their own city when I'd only just arrived and they'd been living there for a significant period of time. Because even I'm a— I'm someone who's been living in London since the '70s, and I'm still discovering aspects of London I didn't know existed, because I love that about London. Like It's still a city that holds great, you know, it's, it, I'm, I'm attracted to it because it's an amazing city. Yeah. So how can you get somewhere and not like check out what's going on?

Yeah. No, I mean, and the thing is, is that once you get to that age, you have, you have enough money and you have enough time to do everything that you wouldn't, wouldn't have been able to do before. Like you had kids, you had responsibilities, you had a job, you had all these things that you need to do. And once you get to the point where you're retired, it actually should be a blossoming. It should be like, okay, now I get to do all the things I wanted to do. But people are just like, okay, I'm just going to do these two things that I've already done, right? I'm just going to sit at home in front of the TV and have my dinner at 5 o'clock and then go to bed. I mean, come on, this is the time. This is your time. Yeah, this is your time.

You're either a cur— I think you're either a curious person or you're not a curious person. That's it, right? I mean, there's— it's Like, that's— I, I've worked that out. And in fact, when it comes to my dating life, I always— people have said, you know, what are you looking for? And I'm like, I'm just generally looking for somebody who's curious. If I had to boil it down to one word, it would just be a sense of curiosity and wonder. Like, yeah, wanting to know when you're walking down the street and you see a little alleyway, like, oh, what's down there? Not like, what alleyway? Where? What are you talking about? That place?

Somewhere I haven't been. I want to see new things. I want to experience new stuff. And I, I just find it hard to believe that people just get to that point where they're just so jaded. Or I don't even know what— I don't even know. I guess, I guess I think you're right. It's like, is it something that they're born with, or is it something that you can actually build within yourself?

I don't know. That's a very good question. I don't know. Can you cultivate curiosity? I don't know. I don't know.

Maybe.

Well, I think, I think it's difficult. I suspect it's difficult actually, because I work with people starting businesses and it's a question that often accompanies people who start businesses is that I think the ability to— I think curiosity is integral to starting any new business. And, um, not everyone agrees with me on that, but I think a lot of people do.

Well, I mean, the thing is, is that we were all— I think when we were kids, we were all curious. We were all— we all had the curiosity gene when we were kids.

Yeah, yeah.

And for some— in some— for some families, that was kind of suppressed, you know, like, don't be like this, don't be like that, etc. But it's all— I think it's still under there for all of us, and it just depends on how many layers deep it actually is. Because I think some of these people who are retired, they're probably sitting in their chairs thinking, oh, maybe I should do this, or maybe I should do that. But I just don't, you know, at my age I shouldn't do this, or, you know, I'm just going to take it easy. It's like, when you don't have to, if you're still relatively healthy, you know, why not get up and out there? But it requires sort of tapping that curiosity gene that you have within you that some people have just forgotten about, I think.

Yeah. And it's interesting when I look at how people travel, because, you know, one of the things now that I do kind of bop around and doing it on my own, is I do come across other solo travelers, albeit not always working, and I'm always surprised by, um, sometimes the fear that accompanies their traveling. Like, I think, you know, you need to kind of be a little bit of a risk-taker.

Sure.

To go out and do traveling on your own, especially as an older woman, I think. Or as a woman just in general, I think you have to be, you know, you have to be a bit of a risk taker. And yet I meet some of them who are quite stuck in like, I did the tour, I did this, I did this, I saw the sights, and now I'm going to leave.

Yeah, I'm like, I came to Africa, I did the safari, and now I'm going. It's like, yeah, wait a minute, there's like all this other stuff that you could do while you're there. But you're just like, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh.

Yeah. And I think that's the thing. That's the difference between being a traveler and being like a digital nomad. A digital nomad is a person that wanders around, still working, still active. A traveler is a person that looks around and goes, oh, there's a pyramid, get back on the coach. Right.

That's right. So yeah, I think it's something— what, that's the thing about working. And even if you're not actually making a lot of money, maybe you're all set, you're good, right? Maybe you're good and you've got, you got a pension or whatever money coming in. You don't have to work, but you need to work to keep your brain cells going, to keep your, to keep things going, to keep yourself young, feeling young. Uh, so it's almost like even if you don't need the money, you should still do something, whatever it is. Yeah, yeah.

I mean, my mother says you, you start to deteriorate when you stop learning. Yeah, and I should come up with a new word for retirement.

I don't know, not reinvention. I hate that.

No, I mean, I hate to say it, but Advantages of Age people, we don't like the word retirement at all. Yeah, we just— it's just, it's not a word that jives with us really. It's, um, yeah, I don't know. I agree with you, we need to come up with some other word, but it's retirement sort of suggests like fading away, doesn't Doesn't it?

Yeah.

Like retirement.

But the thing is, it's attached to the old model of work, right? Yeah, exactly. It's like the old model of work where, you know, you grow up, you go to school, you get a job, you stay in that job your entire life, you go up the career ladder, and then boom, you're done. You're done with that job. But you're not done with life. You're not done with learning. You're not done with any of those things. So it's, but that's gonna go away because I think most people are moving towards becoming freelancers, becoming free agents. You know, they're stepping away from the corporate, from the corporate life, whether they, whether by choice or by not. So the actual concept of retirement is going to disappear anyway.

Yeah, completely. And I think also what I'm finding is like, you know, I do meet people who, especially these American people that I met in Vietnam, some of whom, well, for the majority of who moved there, not because they were like desperate to go to Vietnam, but because they couldn't actually afford to remain in the US. With their— with what they had from, you know, from their job, right? And retiring, right? So they looked at how much they had in their 401k, I guess that's what you call it, and yeah, and they thought, that's not going to be enough to have any comfortable life here. Where can I go have a comfortable life? So they end up in Vietnam. But of course, the thing about that is that, well, hey, now they're in Southeast Asia, so it's not the same as being in the States. A whole different kind of completely different, totally different place. But also for some of them, they actually do want to do something, but they don't quite know what.

Um, right, you know, I, I met with all the information that's out there, they don't really know.

No, but it's like, I met someone, he was like, I, I need to figure out something that I could do because although I can have an okay life, I could have a better life if I just did a little something. And I was like, yeah, but you do realize that like anything that you do, even that little something, it's going to require some degree of focus and effort. You know, you can't just like go like some people I know, it's like, oh, you're on Substack. I'll go on Substack. How much money do you make?

Is that the first question people ask?

You know, like, will I make money? Will I make money? And I'm like, well, you might make money, but You know, like, I'm at this— I'm at this thing, like, I'm really working it hard, babes. And I can tell you, it's not— it's just about covering my food bill, right?

It's not— it's not easy. But the thing is, is it all about money? I mean, it's supposed to be about, uh, people want to make some money.

So, you know, when they say to me, oh, what do you do? And I say, oh, I'm a content creator and I do this and I do that, I make a bit here and then I bit over here, and I got a bit of a brand deal here, and then I do some reviews and somebody pays me.

Yeah, it's a little bit here and there.

Yeah. And then they look at me and my friend the other day, she was like, wow, that's impressive. My friend goes, don't think she doesn't work her ass off.

I was going to say, some people may look at you and go, boy, that's a lot of work.

It is.

I'm, I'm, it's, I'm tired. I don't want to do that. I said, okay, you know what, if you like to sew, just make bags and sell them on Etsy or or something like that. If you like to knit, you know, sell sweaters on Etsy. You know, if you like to make soup, sell soup recipes or something like that. So there's always something that you can do. I mean, you do have a skillset. So for those people who don't really know what to do, like how do you, how do we help them find something to do? I mean, go back into your past and go, okay, over the course of my life, what would I like to do?

I was trying to build a little AI-generated tool to do that. I started building it during a hackathon with a vibe coding, which was, it's a good idea if you wanna work with me on it.

It's like, oh sure, absolutely.

I've got it, but it's just, it's not fully functional. But I thought what we needed to do, what it needed to do, right? So it needed to take what it is that you love doing, what it is, 'cause you, whatever you apply yourself to, you're gonna have to love it because every job has ups and downs, right? You're gonna be doing it, so you gotta love it. So what do you absolutely love doing? How many hours a week are you willing to put into it? Right.

So solid hours, not just solid hours.

Yeah. So solid hours. And then what kind of expectation of income are you— do you want? Right. And then it would pump out 3 different potential business ideas. And then the upsell— I don't mind giving this away, to be honest— the upsell is like a one-page business plan that tells you all the different parts.

Great idea.

I know, right?

Great idea. I know.

Well, because I run this thing called Startup School for Seniors with my colleague Mark, and I'm trying to figure out, like, let's make this really simple for people who haven't got a fucking clue, right? Like, what do you love to do? How many hours a week do you want to work? How much money do you want to make? And then let's look at realistically what you can do with that. Yeah, right?

Yeah. And you could look at demand too. You could say, like, what do people— what do you— and then you can actually match it against So what you're asking, what you want to do, there is a market for it. Or maybe there's—

that would be the small market. Yeah, that's the upsell of the one-page business plan, right? That's the upsell where they just— where it says, here's your market, here's your pricing, here's, you know, how you're gonna— like your channels and all that.

Yeah, and people could play with it and put in a bunch of different things. And then maybe if it's not what they want to hear, it's like, okay, give me some other—

yeah, exactly.

And then combine them.

I had like a little button like try again, like try again.

Yeah.

And then I had another button which was like a random button, like just give me a random idea, which is almost like gamifying the whole thing. Like just, just throw out some random ideas.

Sometimes people need random ideas because you really don't know. No, I mean, I would, I would be like more like, uh, just go back and look over the course of your life and see, you know, what do I enjoy doing that isn't necessarily You know, and the thing is, does it always have to have a monetary piece to it? I think, I think that is important for a lot of people. It's like, yeah, because I have, I am a sister-in-law who, who does bags. She, she sews and that's her thing. And, uh, she's like super despondent that she can't sell too many of them on Etsy. And it's like, where, where, what are you getting out of it? I mean, are you enjoying the creation process or would you rather have money coming in? Because if you want money coming in, maybe you need to pivot and do something else.

Or maybe she just needs to go to the local farmers market and get a stand and meet people in real life. Exactly. Her bags— because Etsy's a hiding to nothing, I can tell her that right now.

I can— I absolutely agree with that.

All those artisan platforms, done. They're done. Oh yeah, people just want to meet people in real life, like honestly. She could just come on your show with her bags and go, look. And somebody would go like, God, that's so cute. I love that. I want that. And then she'd be fine. She'd be good.

Yeah. No, it's interesting you should mention that because I think we are seeing sort of like a resurgence of going back to being in real life. Totally. Totally. Because we're all getting sick and tired of this social media circus. And we're like, you know, it's— and the platforms, you're right, they're all shit. Literally, they're all shit. They only serve themselves.

That's right, people.

They're using these people on these platforms to serve themselves. That's right. And it's social media platforms, it's e-commerce platforms, they're all the same. And then when you realize you're being exploited just so that more people can go to the site and your stuff isn't really selling, then you're like, time to get off and go to the farmer's market.

Listen, my mother does craft fairs with her jewelry, and I met her for lunch yesterday and she did a fair. She's in her late 80s. She makes very beautiful jewelry. And she said to me she did a fair on the weekend and she made $800.

Wow, that's fantastic.

I know, right? And I'm like, way to go, way to go. She's got a website. Nobody goes on it. The only people that go on are people that have seen her at the fairs, um, they go on the website to get her details and then they phone her up and they commission her to make stuff. But that's it. But yeah, I mean, look, I teach this shit for 10 years now, and when people tell me that they're just gonna go online, I'm like, that's not working, that's not gonna work for you. And then when they tell me they want to be a content creator, I'm like, let me tell you what my life looks like every day. Let me tell you what my life looks like. I live with this piece of equipment and this follows me around everywhere I go.

That's right.

And every time I have sex with someone, I have to write about it because otherwise nobody pays me.

That's right. People think you have such an easy life as a content creator, right? But it is, it is a grind. It is an absolute grind. Even, even, even, even when you're having sex with people, it's not the actual sex of the problem, it's the everything around it. Right, everything around it. Yes, because people need to know. People need to know what's going on.

Oh, people are like, it's so refreshing to read about your things because, you know, we always think that everything is like the movies, right? And I'm like, no, it's not like the movies. No, not like the movie.

See, if you ever peeked behind, like, what's on the outside of what's happening on the screen at the movies, there's all sorts of shit going on. It's horrible. But it doesn't show up on the screen.

No, that's right. No, that's right. That's right. Yeah. And in my case, it's just the shit that's going on in my brain recording every little gesture.

But people love that.

I'm actually very fully present during sex. I want everyone to know that, just in case.

Well, people are very— but people love peeking into other people's brains.

Yeah, right.

It's just, it's just something about it. I don't know if it's voyeurism or something like that. They're like, oh, I wish I could. And, and they're probably looking at you and going, oh, I wish I could live that life too, but they never take steps towards it.

Yeah, right. And that's the other fun thing about traveling is that, you know, hookups when you're traveling are just like super fun because like, A, they make for— they're another adventure, they're another form of kind of tourism, right?

And that's right.

And then you can just mostly, you can just walk away and occasionally you meet somebody that you stay. I mean, I've met so many people when I'm traveling, they still send me messages like, what's happening? How's it going? What are you doing and stuff? And any more fun? And yeah, it's really, it's nice.

Yeah. Well, yeah, because it's, there's, there's less pressure. When you're traveling, right? Because then you don't have to worry, I may, I may never see this person ever again. So you're free to be different. Yeah.

Or I may see them again and we may get married and go off into the sunset.

But wait a minute, that— is that ever in your plans?

No, no. Well, you know, it's interesting. So just like a slight deviation, it's interesting. So when I was traveling this time I did meet quite several couples who travel, you know, and either they do jobs where they can travel, so they'll go— and one couple, they worked as— they did diving teaching, they taught English as a foreign language, you know, that still seems to be a thing. I've met a lot of digital nomads who teach English, loads.

Oh, it's huge.

So I know that that's still a thing, right? And I was saying, look, you know, as much as I love solo traveling, sometimes I would really like somebody to be with me. I would really like to look at the sunset on the beach, not being on my own and going, isn't that a beautiful sunset? You know, but I haven't met that person, right? And then I asked these couples, like, so how did you guys meet? And they said traveling. They said, we always— everybody's met traveling because you're not going to meet somebody in your hometown, very unlikely, who's going to have the ability to go traveling with you. You're going to meet somebody while you're traveling. So there is, there is some aspect sometimes, you know, where I'm thinking, oh, you know, this is like— this person has a bit more flexibility and, and we're getting along and it could be fun, you know. Like, I'm not thinking about, like, you know, weddings in Mauritius or anything.

I hear Mauritius is beautiful. I've always wanted to go.

Yeah, my, my, uh, ex-husband had his second marriage there, so yeah, looked very nice. I wasn't invited, obviously, but yeah, but yeah, you've been to Mauritius?

Have you been?

No, no, but I mean, it's a popular wedding destination, isn't it? But yeah, I mean, I think if you were looking to meet somebody and you did want to be a traveler, that's probably the way you're going to do it is meet somebody who's traveling.

Right. Well, one of the things that some of the digital nomads talk about is loneliness. I mean, how do you deal with that? Have you ever had any issues with that or have you always been pretty good?

I did. I think I wouldn't be human if I didn't get lonely from time to time. But I think that the benefit of, you know, as much as we were talking about social media being crap, one of the major benefits with social media, especially if you're a solo traveler, is that Facebook is like your best friend. And I know that everyone's like, Facebook? Who uses Facebook anymore? Lots of older people use Facebook. There are tons of Facebook groups for pretty much anywhere that you're ever going to want to go. And before I go, I join all of them, and then I scan them all. And then there's one in particular for women which is incredible. There's hundreds of thousands of women on it called Host a Sister, and that is a kind of matchmaking group for women to meet women, either to host them or to meet women who are looking to host others. So you know, it doesn't mean you necessarily go and stay with them, but you might meet up with somebody for a coffee or a drink or whatever. And I did meet a really nice woman in Chiang Mai, and we did quite several activities together when we were in Thailand together because she was on her own and I was on our own— on my own. And, you know, sometimes I would just ring her up and just say, oh, how's your day been? What are you up to? Just to like hear a friendly voice because the time zone difference was a bit challenging to start with. That was the thing I had to get used to because everybody was so far behind that at the end of my day they were just waking up. And so, you know, I might be sitting there in the, in the afternoon really wanting to have a chat with somebody and there just wasn't anybody who's awake. Um, but I did join a lot, a lot of groups. And then I did things like, you know, I went on, um, Guru Walks, is it? And I did some walking tours, which is another thing that I I always do is try and familiarize myself with the place by going on one of those, you know, walking tours where you just pay at the end what you want and get a feel of the place. And there's always like some food ones, and I find those are really good ways to just meet people. So there's a way— there's different ways that you can alleviate loneliness for sure.

Yeah.

Yeah.

So when you said you were working— so you're working everywhere you are. I mean, do you have any trouble with time zones? I mean, you mentioned time zones earlier. When you work?

Uh, no, because most of the stuff that I'm doing now is just— I shifted my podcast so that I tried to accommodate— I did it much later in the evening. So normally I would record my podcast at 5, so that became 10, or well, I was doing it like 10 PM, 9, 10 PM in Asia to try and accommodate everyone's time zones. So there was a little bit of a challenge around that. Around using the Wi-Fi, around the time zones. But generally speaking, I made it work. Yeah, I made it work. I thought it would be more problematic than it was, actually.

Well, I mean, you interview folks on your, on your— yeah, podcast, right? So I mean, are they mostly in the US time zones or European time zones?

Yeah, and the ones in LA and stuff, that's where it gets difficult because it's like I have to get them the night before and I, for my morning. You have to work these things out, but I only do generally like one a week, so it's manageable.

That's good.

It's manageable.

What's next for you then?

What's next? What am I doing? I got back on Wednesday and now I'm in Folkestone, which is on the south coast in Kent in England, because I've been helping a friend of mine renovate a flat in which I have a bedroom. So I've come to Kent.

You do carpentry as well?

No, I work with— I'm not great. My friend will tell you that, like, maybe hiring me to be the project manager for free wasn't that good an idea. But anyway, I'm in a lovely flat now in Folkestone, which is just by the Channel. So that's really nice. And then I'm going to go— where am I going to go? I'm gonna go to— a woman that I met in the Grand Canaries is having her 50th in Berlin, so I'm gonna go to Berlin in May. Oh, um, I'm gonna go to Ireland in August for my family's big birthday celebration in Ireland. Um, and I'm thinking about doing 6 months in Southeast Asia from November to May, um, and using that as a base and kind of bopping around from there because I found out that some very old friends of mine have moved there, and I ended up spending a considerable amount of time with them, and I love them. So, um, I'd like to live in their building. They have a nice condo they live in, and I could do that for like $600, $700 a month for a 2-bedroom, 2-bath.

Oh, it's incredible, huh? Can you stay in that country for 6 months?

Yeah, yeah.

No visa issues?

No, they do this thing called the Digital Nomad Visa in Thailand, and I could get that for 5 years, and it's not that difficult. So I'm thinking about that. Yeah.

Wow. So that's, that's easy to get.

Yeah. And you know, Spain has a digital nomad visa as well, which I was considering, but that's a lot more paperwork. But yeah, the DNV is quite a well-known visa for a lot of people that work remotely in Thailand. So yeah, I could do that, or I could do 3 months there and I could do 3 months in Vietnam. I don't know. I'd like to spend a bit more time in Southeast Asia, I think. Just generally.

So you really, really fell in love with the place?

I really loved it, and I loved the people, and I— and it was incredibly affordable, um, which meant that even on the paltry amount that my subscribers pay— hint, hint— I could just about manage that because it's like $2 for a bowl of soup, you know. It's like, I was like, yeah, this is pretty, this is good for me, it's good for me. I mean, some other places, like, I just wouldn't be able to financially.

Yeah, well, it's kind of like, I mean, this International Living thing has been around for a long time. It's targeted to Americans to try and get them to retire overseas so that their nest egg will last longer. So that's, that's what you're seeing, these people who are retired and they just sort of sit there and they don't really experience it. So hopefully more people will actually, you know, get up the drive to experience things and do more where they are.

I hope so. We can live in hope, Chris. We can live in hope.

But you're actually helping people, right? I mean, do you have a practice which helps people through that and gets them off that, or you're not doing that?

What, you mean the Startup School?

Yeah, yeah. I guess somebody has to, somebody has to be interested in starting a startup, not just somebody who's like sitting at home having their 5 PM dinner.

No, that's right.

Not trying to get them off the couch.

No, no. So for 10 years, and more recently the last 6, my colleague Mark and I have run a UK government-funded program called Startup School for Seniors, and we're doing our very last ever program in May till July for UK residents. And you can sign up for free at Startup School for Seniors for free. Otherwise, there's a small charge if you're not in the UK. And, um, yeah, we've been doing that program for a long time. We've helped over 700 people start businesses, so it's very exciting. But our enthusiasm for it, thanks to the government who are not making over 50s a priority in the UK as much as they should, has meant that we are moving on to other activities.

Are you seeing that? Are you seeing that happening everywhere, or are there other countries that are more receptive to something like that?

Um, we've— over the years, we've spoken with numerous countries about helping them to support older people into self-employment, and they've never been able to get the funding that, that they need to be able to do that. And so that seems to be a universal product, um, problem is that while the enthusiasm and the interest is there and the desire, the funding is not there to be able to do that.

And it's kind of sad, isn't it?

It is sad. It is sad because it's been a decade of my life and I thought I wouldn't be having this conversation now about this, but you know, it's—

but I mean, are there any other cultures that there, that this might work for? But, or I guess not, not really. Because they're all, they're all in the same—

No, I mean, AARP has got its own self-employment toolkit, but it's not nearly as extensive as what we've done. But yeah, I mean, look, it's a universal problem. We're living in an aging society. It's a problem, right?

Yeah.

I mean, it's not going away. It's not going away.

But there's still a market for people who want to, who want to do startups in their—

Absolutely, absolutely. And if they want to speak to me and Mark privately, then we can help them for sure. It's perfect because that's what I do, as amongst many other things.

Well, you're a content creator. You have to create a lot of content and do a lot of things.

I do.

Do you ever think to yourself, okay, I'm juggling so many balls, should I put a few of these down? Is that's what that—

well, I have. That's— yeah, I mean, that's part of the thing with, um, with Sex Advice is like, it's the enthusiasm for that has grown, and I tend to go where the enthusiasm is. And that's where I've seen the most take-up, the most enthusiasm, the most followers, the most interest. And so I'm just trying to shed a bit of the other stuff just because otherwise my brain will explode. And I don't—

you know, I can't have that because we still need you. We need you creating more content. That's essential. It would be—

yeah, it would be messy if that happened. So I just think, yeah, I'm trying to do that. But, you know, I did really enjoy delivering Startup School for Seniors, and I, and I got a lot of, you know, and people loved, loved what we did, and we got great results. But, you know, you have to go where, you know, I— you can't do everything for free unless, of course, you're retired and you've got a big pension, which I don't.

So usually at this point I say, if someone wants to get in touch with you, what's the best way? But now I'll ask, if somebody wants to support you, what's the best way?

If somebody wants to support me, they can just take up a paid subscription to Sex Advice for Seniors, and that would be really cool. Um, that would be nice. It's only like $6.99 a month or something.

It's like nothing. I'm gonna sign up right after this.

It's so nothing. It's so nice.

You should increase your prices. That's crazy.

I know, I know, but I just rather help people and get more of them. Um, and I'm—

that's exactly what I'm thinking too, because there's a lot of people out there who are like, oh, they're just— we're not doing it for the cash, we're doing it for the— to help people, right? This is, this is just to cover costs. Like, we're not— yeah, you know, if we, if we really wanted to make money, we wouldn't be doing this.

No, no, but I have, I have kind of tried to get my shit together a bit, and I've hired like a couple of virtual assistants who are who are doing things to help me. And that, and that's even though that's costing me money, I'm hoping that that money will eventually repay in, you know, more people subscribing, just more interest. So, you know, you gotta, uh, you know, one of the things about running startups is you, you have to invest, right? Whether it's investing in yourself or investing in the business, like, you have to invest. And so this is me investing. In, yeah, in this.

Well, you've already put all of your time into it, so now you have to, you have to realize if you're going to go to the next step, you got to start putting some money into it too. Otherwise it's not going to grow to the level where you want it to be.

Indeed.

Very cool. So if someone wants to get in touch with you, what's the best way? Go to Sex Advice for Seniors on, uh, on Substack.

On Substack. And well, as we're on Substack, let's stay with Substack, shall we? Well, Let's go to Sex Advice for Seniors on Substack. And I just want to give a big shout out to my Aunt Peg who's watching.

I'm glad you're here, Aunt Peg.

I know, she's so lovely, my Aunt Peg. She's just been on holiday with my mom.

She's so fantastic. I love it.

Yeah.

Well, thank you so much. I will put all the links in the show notes when it's published, when it's published, and I hope you get a lot more subscribers out of this.

I do too, Chris. Thank you so much for having me.

Absolutely. I'll sign up right after this. See you soon.

Bye.

Bye-bye.