Episode 122: Back in the Dating Game

Suzanne Noble: I'm very excited to welcome our new sponsor, Higher Nature, who have created Rekindle, which I'm currently trying out and is working a treat. A 100% natural libido-enhancing supplement for women, which contains clinically backed ingredients to give your sex life a boost. And who doesn't want that? Hi, this is Suzanne Noble, and you are listening to sex advice, relationship advice, dating advice, whatever advice you want for seniors or older people, however you want to call it. People over 50, let's just call it that. It's a, it's a new year. We can, we can start with a new idea about all of this. And I'm really excited to welcome to the show Shakti Sundaram. Dari, who is— who I've been following on Facebook. I don't even know how long I've been following you for, but feels like many, many, many years. Through her ups and downs, her relationships, her moving house, her getting involved with some less than desirable men, her getting involved with men she thought were desirable and then turned out not to be. And through all of that, I've just been sort of watching your reflections and listening to your reflections on all of that. And more recently, been intrigued by your desire to jump back into the dating pool and to actually chronicle and talk about what you are discovering, having taken a bit of a break, right? So welcome to the show.

Thank you, Suzanne Noble Noble. It's lovely to be here. I'm really excited about this, and it's lovely to meet you, you know, when I was going to say in person. We're not in person, but it feels much more in person than anything else. Um, yeah, I've had a break. I've had quite a break, and I'm diving back in, as you call it, to the dating pool. Um, and yeah, well, writing about what I'm discovering Yeah.

And I interviewed somebody called Holly who's actually found a partner. She was, she was really very strategic about how she approached the whole thing.

Yeah.

Which was that she said no touch. She went to see a dating coach who said no touching, no kissing for 3 months. 3 months. If you meet someone, no touching, no kissing for 3 months because You don't want to involve all those endorphins and all that other stuff that might get in the way of disguising some of the things that might be less than suitable about this person, right? And she's actually meeting— she's actually met someone really nice and she's been with him about a year now, but she calls it the dumpster fire. She calls it the dumpster fire. The, you know, the— what would you call it?

What? I'm not sure what that means, honestly.

It means where you go and dump your rubbish and set it on fire.

I haven't got a phrase for that, you know. Um, it's, it's interesting because, I mean, my biggest discovery so far, like, I made the, the sort of the decision in November last year, I want to have some dates. Like, I've been celibate I've been celibate, I've been single for over 3 years. I want to go back out there, I want to just have some male company, like just feel that spark of flirting and joy and deliciousness that comes when you're with a guy, right? And then, and like, so far anyway, I found it really challenging to meet anyone at all. So I don't really have many people— I don't have anyone to throw in the dumpster. I've had one date But one day, and I would never talk about him, you know, I went on, yeah, I wouldn't talk about him in the sense of putting him in the dumpster because he was a nice guy. So yeah, nice guy, just not right for me. In terms of that sort of the dumpster terminology, I suppose more that would apply to all the people that I swiped through when I tried dating apps and yeah, was just like, oh my God, like, is this really what it comes to? Like, surely there is more choice than this. Surely there are more men somewhere. I don't know where they are, who are sort of more of a match for me, for who I am, what I be, and what I stand for, you know. That's— that was kind of my thing. Yeah.

And so, um, what, what are you looking for at this point other than the deliciousness of just flirting? Are you looking for like a relationship? Are you looking for sex? Are you looking for— have you, have you decided what you're looking for? Like, what is it?

Yeah, um, I want a relationship. And, you know, having had some real experiences across, you know, many spectrums of up and down in relating, uh, I'm definitely clear that I want a relationship. I don't want casual sex, um, but I want to start really slow. And I would also be really happy to make new friends um, who I really like, guys I really just enjoy spending time with. And one of the things I've noticed is that it seems to me that guys on the whole don't seem to want that. They either want sex or nothing. Like, they're not really going for, oh, let's just get to know each other and see if we actually get on. Like, that thing about not doing any contact for 3 months, um, I can really see the value in that because I, I have been someone who has dived straight in and under the covers very quickly. I love intimacy, you know, I've— that's not a secret. And I really want to speak for like older women and just say like, I love being intimate, I love my sexuality, I'm a really juicy woman, like you can see that and feel that. And, and, um, because it's kind of such a sacred thing to me, and I really get that, that once you— well, for me anyway, I'll speak for myself— once I'm intimate with someone, all those like love hormones kick in, and I think they do squiff, like the rose-tinted glasses come on, you know. I start— or in the past, I don't know, I'm a different woman now. In the past, I would overlook all kinds of red flags. So now I'm just really, really like gauging things. And like the one date I did go on, the guy, like, he reached out to hold my hand and I was like, what are you doing? Like, it just felt far in that context with this person. It felt like he was projecting some romantic ideal onto that meeting that really wasn't what I was experiencing. I was just, who are you? Let's get to know each other. And yeah, I don't want to hold your hand.

Yeah, I, I get that. I mean, I suspect that, and I know from having been on loads and loads of dates myself, that intimacy for men sometimes is the thing that shows them that somebody loves them. A guy wrote, wrote a piece on that about how tied sex is to their understanding of what love is. Um, I don't think that's entirely untrue. I think that lots of men think about sex and love as being quite conjoined. So as soon as they get intimate with someone, their feelings around wanting to reveal more of themselves kind of kick in. And women are almost like, no, no, I need to get to know you first, and then I'll show you the vulnerable sides of me. I'm not going to give you all of that straight away. I want, I want to know if there's something here. So I think always there's always a, there's always a bit of a challenge around that with men wanting to get quite physically close quickly. The other thing I think about it as well, I don't know if you agree with me, is that just generally, I mean, I know that, you know, you've got your kids, you've got friends, you've got quite a big social circle, you've taught Tantra and other things around intimacy. So your requirement for like that maybe is being— maybe is being met in other ways. Like, there's a lot of people in your life that love you.

Oh yeah, and that's kind of— it's, it's really showing me because my life is fuller now than it has been for a long time. And I really see when I, when I have my life set up as it's to please me, to suit me, with my friends, with my kids. My kids have left home, but they're still a big part of my life. You know, doing the things I love, doing work that I love, I feel fulfilled. So I don't have a neediness. And because I've learned to be really in touch with my energy and my inner self as well, you know, I'm not going around feeling sexually frustrated. Like, I would love intimacy, but not at the cost of my integrity, not the cost of my well-being. So it's kind of like my standards have gone up, hmm, compared to previously, probably, actually. And I just want to comment on that thing that you also said before about, like, I do agree that in many ways men have tended to connect, um, like, for them the way into love and intimacy is more through sex, and then for women it's usually first through connection, right? That's kind of in Tantra we teach— I mean, I teach about that, we teach about this— is like we come from opposite ends but we may meet in the heart, um, you know. So it's like ultimately we both want the same thing but we're coming from different directions. And of course there's a spectrum of this, and that's— these are just generalizations, um, but I find I just, I just cannot override— like, for me, I have to know you to want to be intimate like I couldn't possibly conceive. Like, these days, particularly through all the inner work I've done, just even being touched by someone, I'm so sensitive. Uh, if, if their touch isn't present, isn't alive, isn't attuned, isn't heart connected to their heart, I couldn't tolerate it, you know. So again, there's quite a high standard there, and I know that won't be how most men are. I know there's kind of going to be a very limited pool of men who understand what I'm talking about. Um, but really it is about the sex-heart connection, you know, for whether it's a woman or a man, you know, when those two are connected, then everything's just exponentially better in every way.

Yeah, I, I, I completely agree with that. I mean, my, my reflection on, on, on that is that I do tend to approach relationships more from a sexual point and then discover lots of interesting things about guys because I find it just gets through very quickly to them being more authentic. Okay, so, so for me, if I meet someone and very quickly we have sex, it's, it's almost like it cuts through a lot of the nonsense that I've experienced otherwise. And I And I do find that sometimes men can sometimes project their sort of perfect selves for a while.

Yeah.

And then you can spend a considerable amount of time kind of trying to peel the layers of the onion back to discover, you know, what is in their heart, what is their truth, who is this person, only to discover God, you know what, we're, we're so different. Whereas I can do that having sex with them once, like, I can work that out after one date of, you know, being intimate with somebody, I can just go straight there and think, no, you're not interested in my pleasure. No, you're not curious about me. No, you're not, you know, like, this has been a very one-sided experience, or you're just like a total giver. You just want to just please me no end. You're just gonna do everything that you can possibly to please me. And that suggests to me that you're a kind person. Like you're a thoughtful, kind person because you want to, you know, you're not just considering your own selfish needs in this circumstance. Now I realize that that's, quite a radical idea for lots of people. But, but, you know, I have been with somebody for a year who is— he's just— he's a kind person, I would say. He's actually quite spiritual, even though he's had a very rough and trauma-filled life. But he's done work on himself. He's done therapy. He's done— he's done lots of stuff to make me appreciate. And he's got kids and grandkids. Loads of friends, loads of mates. He's like, he, he does shit around my house. Like, it's nice. Yeah, yeah. But had I, I would never have met this. Like, he was just looking for sex, to be honest. And, and what he got, what he ended up getting was somebody that actually, he actually likes just hanging out with, just, and goes, you know, call me if you need help.

Right.

So, yeah, so you don't— I don't know, it's, it's hard when you, when you do set your standards high because it does take a while to get to know somebody just generally, you know.

Yeah, I, I totally agree. Um, what can I say about that? Uh, yeah, I totally agree. And, and again, the couple of people that I have been on dates with, I just kind of felt them wanting to move so quickly.

Yeah.

When I first moved to Glastonbury, there was one really, really lovely man— like, lovely man, honestly— um, who kind of took me out, and I thought he was just asking me out as a friend. I didn't realize it was a date. In his head, like, that word was never used. But then two walks in the, in, in the country, and it was like, it was kind of like he was proposing, and I was like, well, hang on, I don't even know you. I can't make this decision about that right now. And then, you know, he said all the stuff about, I want to be friends, but he's just dropped off the radar completely. And I was really sad because I really enjoyed his company. Yeah, no way ready to do anything intimate with him, or— yeah, just felt far too quick, far, far, far too quick. So it sounds like we're different in that way. And like, I have no judgment, like, because everyone's different. We all, you know, we do what, what works for us. And the thing, the thing I guess I like sometimes when people maybe read what I say or listen to what I say about standards, it's not like I'm sitting there like with this checklist and I'm like, hmm, you know, like we haven't met that one, so I'm just gonna like put you in the bin. It's literally something that my body tells me because I'm so, you know, I've been teaching embodied awareness practices for over 20 years. I'm so connected to the sort of signals and messages from my sort of inner guidance system. I can be next to somebody and feeling everything, feeling their energy, feeling the words, feeling if what they're saying is true. I can usually tell if something's not congruent, like if there's an incongruence. And I can't physically, like, bring myself to be any closer to them than I am. It's like, it's that strong, so I can't override it. Um, you know, it's, it's kind of more of a sort of intuitive, internal, energetic thing than a mental, I'm going to reject you because you're not meeting my, my list, you know. Um, but one of the things I would ask you Sounds like you have, or, or, um, an abundance of dates. So what's your secret? Because like, any time I've, I've gone on, I've sworn off dating apps because literally I've never— well, I got this one date from Spiritual Singles, but I've been on lots of apps lots of times and I haven't gotten a single date. Like, and I'm gorgeous. I like, I think I'm gorgeous.

You are totally gorgeous. I'm a lovely person.

I'm really smart. I'm fun. I'm entertaining, you know. And I'm like, What is it? So what's, you know, what's your secret? How do you get lots of dates?

Um, well, I suppose the thing is that I firstly, I'm very clear that, um, I'm very clear about my boundaries and I'm very clear about what I want and what I don't want. And I've said that I really only want to see people on weekends, um, because I've got a busy life, I work So that's my pleasure, pleasure time. I've said I've had lots of experience in lots of alternative lifestyles, all different kinds, you know, tantra, BDSM, swinging, the lot. I've said I'm highly experienced in that way. And I've said that I'm just looking basically to just have a nice time, just have fun, you know. So I don't want to do anything particularly threatening. I've said I don't really think I'm very monogamous either, because I've never been very good at that. So I tend to go on sites where people who are also not monogamous go. And I kind of just, yeah, I just, you know, I do go out with them. I do normally meet people with a view that I'm gonna— there's gonna be intimacy, you know, fairly soon. Um, I don't like to go out with them too often, honestly, because I find that actually I like things to unfold in, in different ways. And sometimes, sometimes I do find out things about people that I go like, ick. And we've— and, you know, we've had like a really good time, um, you know, in an intimate way, and then I realized something about them that's really not great. And then I think, oh, okay, well, how important is it? Because I don't really want a relationship. I suppose that's the thing. It's like, I don't, you know, I'm living in the Grand Canaries at the moment for 3 months. I plan on doing a lot more traveling. I don't want to be— I need somebody who's either going to be incredibly flexible with regard to packing up and leaving for, you know, weeks, months, whatever, or just someone who's just really happy to just meet from time to time.

Right, right.

So I suppose that's it really. Yeah. And there's loads of— I find there's absolutely loads of actually really good-looking people that want to do that who are all, all quite nice. What I do notice as well with a lot of the people that I meet is a bit like me, they're very busy. Either they've got jobs, like one of my friends is a massage therapist. He works on set on weekends, so he's still got kids, teenage kids. He's still doing all the dad schlepping back and forth. So he just doesn't have much time, you know? The other guy works in a trade, so he's got callouts all the time, and he's— He can't plan because all his work is kind of very last minute. So people have got— I just look at people's circumstances and I just think, well, clearly this is what it is. You know, you've got, you got shit going on and family and friends and lots of people have elderly parents they're looking after. It's just when you're an older person, it's people just have complex lives.

Yeah, yeah, that's like— for me, that's another thing actually that's made a huge difference to this, because like, I— both my kids left home in the last 3 to 5 years. So what was it, when I moved down to Glastonbury 2 years ago, that was like my daughter left home, I went off to uni.

Yeah.

And, um, and then both my parents passed away, and then it was like, for me, it was like Thank God I'm finally fucking free. I can do what I want. I can please myself. I don't have to take care of anyone else. And it's, you know, I'm still in the— in that. It's like— and so again, anything that feels like it's going to be a drain on me, yeah, body who feels like they want to take from me, uh, anybody is gonna just like want to be taken care of, I'm just like, no, no, no. Anyone I feel have to teach something No, you know, because I get a lot of, um, idolization, like, oh, you know, you're this, you're that. And I'm like, no, I'm an ordinary person. No, you just don't even think of putting me on a pedestal. Just see me for who I am. I've got just like everybody else, you know, and I just want to be seen for me.

Yeah.

And, um, you know, yeah, I just don't have to take care of anyone.

Yeah, I mean, you know, I do meet people with and have been with people with, you know, mobility issues and stuff. And that's really difficult. And I guess one of the challenges we have at this age is that if we don't want to date much younger, which is always an option. And I've spoken to women, for instance, like Cindy Gallop, who dates much, much younger. You know, she just, she dates guys in their late 30s, early 40s, that kind of thing. If we don't want to date much younger, often we find ourselves in the circumstance where the people that are in that, you know, in our pool of choices are, are not quite where you are, right?

So younger, I definitely don't want to date younger. Like, most of my lovers have been 10 to 20 years younger, and that's worked for me. And You know, I've kind of, in my kind of checklist thing, I've sort of said to myself, right, you have to make sure they're not like more than 10 years younger. But I definitely, like, again, I don't want to have a hard and fast rule, but what I've found in my experience anyway is that guys my age or older are so much less fit and in shape than me in general, have way less sexual energy, um tend to be more patriarchal in their attitudes. And just not like— most of my friends are 10 to 20 years younger, like my close friends. I don't really have many female— or I don't have many male or female friends my age, so I'm kind of very vital. So again, sort of, I couldn't be with someone who doesn't want to go for a vigorous hike or make love for hours or go dancing powers, or, you know, these kinds of things. And I watched this— then if you watched that show that, um, there was a Netflix show about dating, I can't remember what it's called now. Oh, The Later Daters. I don't know if you've watched it.

I heard about it. Yeah, it was—

I, I love watching things like that. It was so good. And one of the ladies on there, she said, I don't want to be a nurse or a purse. Exactly, exactly. I've just done taking care of my kids and my parents I don't want to have to take care of anybody. No, I just want to go and have fun. So, you know, that's—

yeah, yeah. And, and it's, you know, and, and I've heard that before, and it is definitely an issue. On the flip side of that, of course, I, you know, I've met people that have fallen in love and have met similar age partners who are still physically fit and Even my ex-husband is with somebody that is, you know, they both love hiking, they both love fitness, they both love being really active. So, you know, there are definitely people out there and both, and the people that I know personally are all really fit and active because being fit and active is really important to me because for the same reason as you, it's, you know, people that are fit and active are more attractive and they have more stamina and they're better at doing the things that I enjoy doing. And if I want to go walking for 5 hours, which is something that I'm known for, then they can keep up, right? They're not like, you know, what, how much longer are we going to be doing this for? So I think it is definitely very, it is important. I mean, I think, you know, for me, Look, there's no, there's no silver bullet when it comes to this. Sometimes for me, going on the places that are unexpected, like alternative lifestyle sites like Field, for instance, or places like that, deliver for me more people that are just open-minded just generally curious. And I find that because of that, if you say, look, let's just be mates, they're like, yeah, I'm cool. That's cool. You know, they're not, they're not immediately rejecting you because you don't immediately want to go to bed with them. So, you know, back in the old days when I was, you know, we're talking like the dawn of internet time. Yeah, I met lots of people who I'm still friends with who I just really liked and they really liked me, but we just didn't find each other attractive and we're still friends, you know. So I don't know if it's an age thing. Like you say, the expectation is, do you know, if you're not going to— if you're not going to take the next step with me because guys are lonely, most of them, a lot of guys are really lonely. So I don't get that why they wouldn't want to be your friend, frankly.

Yeah, I mean, I think— well, I do, I agree with you. I think there's a lot of loneliness out there, um, and especially amongst men. You know, people talk about that, so there's an epidemic of loneliness. I think there's a lot of— just because I've began— I mean, I've always been fascinated by men and women and masculine-feminine dynamics anyway, but just because of this like new flush of energy as I've been exploring dating. I've been kind of really focused on it. And so my, you know, any podcast that comes up, I'm listening and reading articles. And so, and I'm kind of really hearing like resentment actually on both sides as well, like loneliness and longing. And I'm hearing like resentment from men who seem to think that women have such high standards that, you know, the story goes like only the top 5% guys who are really ripped and really rich and really tall get the women. Personally, I actually, from my own experience of myself and my friends, I think that's bullshit. Like, that might apply maybe to a certain segment of young women in their 20s and 30s who are pretty superficial, but like, once you get to, to middle age— I don't call myself a senior or old, by the way. I think of myself as being middle-aged, but I am 60. I still think I'm in middle age. Uh, even that seems a bit of a stretch though, because I feel so young anyway. Um, like, come on, we're smart, we're grounded, we're mature. We know life is about more than being ripped and rich, okay? So it's much more about the qualities, the personality that a person brings. And if, you know, if you don't realize that at this stage, I think that's pretty immature, like, for a man or a woman, really. Um, so I don't think that's true, but I think that's a story men tell themselves. And then they— there's a bit of sort of resentment towards women of like why aren't you choosing me? And of course, that's such a turn-off in itself. Like, it's, it's, it's, it's kind of, um, a victim energy and blaming energy, which is really unattractive, right? But then at the same time, like, I'm seeing, you know, I've got to be honest, I'm, I'm following a lot of women as well on Instagram and stuff and watching what they're saying. And they're, you know, I'm a feminist and I think that's cool. And then sometimes that tips over into resentment too, and there's a lot of man-hating in some of those groups. Or echoes of that, flavors of that too, which I'm like, okay, that's not healthy either. Um, so I can kind of see how there's— this is going on in the field, and it's like, okay, if you kind of take the victim stance out of that and just look what's happening, there are women and there are men, they're longing to connect, and it's just not— it's just not happening, you know. Um, that's what I'm seeing anyway, so it is interesting.

So I know that you're planning on running a workshop, and based on all of the blogging and the thinking and the doing that you have been actively pursuing over the past few months around this, what are you going to share with people and what's the objective of that?

Thank you for asking. Um, so yes, out of this whole thing, the idea has come through for what's called the Conscious Dating Collective. Um, it's just like a baby idea at the moment, but a baby idea that I really hope will grow, um, into much more. But for now, like for this month which is January, um, what I want to do is offer an opportunity for men and women separately to come together just for a couple of hours. And so I'm going to offer like this kind of 3 main objectives, I would say. It's like one share your experience. So someone's listening, I'm going to be listening, I'm going to be asking questions. What's your experience? What's not happening? What do you want to happen? So like, you feel heard and I get to understand. Then there's like, there's an element where I want to bring the insights that I have and some of the tips that I have and the, um, what would I call it? I'm really good at insight. Like, I'll listen to someone speaking and I'll be able to reflect back to them a few tips about how they're coming across or what they might not be seeing in their own, uh, beingness. And then third point is a sense of collective, a sense of community where we're consciously exploring, you know, our desires and our challenges. And it's not going to be about blaming the other. It's not about all men are shit, all women are shit. It's like, okay, how do we navigate this desire and this longing mindfully, consciously, and raise one another up in that, uh, supportively. And eventually, hopefully, we'll get, you know, together. But I'm going to start sort of separately. So I'm doing two sessions for women because there's a lot more women who've been responding. Uh, one's on Wednesday the 15th, one's on Saturday the 18th, and then a session for men on Thursday the 23rd. So that's all in January. I don't know if you'll be able to provide the links to that or however we do it, but yeah, I really am excited, actually.

Yeah, yeah. And I think the more people do reflect on how their, their own behavior is impacting on their ability to find whatever it is that they're looking for in a partner, whether it's casual or serious or, you know, deep and meaningful, whatever it happens to be, the more they're able to reflect on that and actually have somebody feed back to them, yeah, I can see why that's not working for you. Or, you know, maybe if you tried this or did this, that might work better for you. Because I think often people are living in this little bubble. Yeah. And as you said before, there's a lot of people who are very much box ticking, like to the point where they're, you know, they've got 4 pages of boxes. And they're not going to meet anybody with that, right? Because they're— a friend of mine once told me, and I laugh about it, but there's a part of me that thinks he's absolutely right. He's been married for about 30 years, lovely wife, they're very happy. And when I told him about box ticking, he said, Suzanne, you only ever get 2 boxes, so choose what they are.

Right?

Because you're never going to get more than 2. So I said one of my boxes was funny. And my son said to me, or somebody said to me, funny is a good box because most people that are funny are smart. So you get smart as a byproduct of funny. So in a sense, you get 3 boxes if you choose some of them. Like, like, curious, curious people are normally also quite intelligent in my view, right? I mean, for me, I would say that's the, like, above all, above everything else. Obviously I have to find somebody attractive, but, but generally I, I just like curious people, just generally. That's, you know, and I find there's not enough of those people, people that are just generally curious about me, about the world, about life, about just, just stuff, you know. And yeah, if you're not curious, we're not going to get along. So that, that for me is my, my one big box, and everything else is a sub box of that.

Yeah, that is a really good one. And it is, it's again, I think again, there are gender differences there because if there's all these memes going around about men who don't ask questions Um, to the extent that my 21-year-old daughter, who's only kind of started dating in the last couple of years, um, that's like one of her top things. She's like, Mom, he didn't ask me any questions. He's like, never going to see him again. The ability to show an equal interest in the other is just like fundamental. But it's amazing how, how often it doesn't happen, you know. Um, but again, when I, when I do my, my group meeting for guys, these are some of the things I want to feed back because I do think genuinely there are, there are sort of gender differences or sex differences, and that some men are just pretty clueless. And, you know, I guess the biggest thing that happens is that men think women are men and women think men are women. And then they're going, you know, a bit like the women are from Venus, men are from Mars thing, and they're like, what's going wrong? But they can't understand because, you know, they're— we're different. There are differences, you know, whether they're biological or, you know, nurture/nature, it doesn't really matter, but there are differences in in how we, how we show up. And, um, a few tweaks, like just tweaks to your profile. I could give a whole workshop for guys on how to set up your, your online profile.

And you know what, there's— that's a nice little upsell for your, for your workshop, is, you know, after you finish your offer, you know, your, your offer to them is, if you would like to help me to help you improve your profile, right? That's where 'Cause I often feel that that is the, that's where the problem begins is we're looking at that going, what the fuck?

Oh, and I know it's not just me because so many women, when I made that comment in one of my blogs, like so many women were like, yes, oh my gosh, you know, please do this, please. So a lot of guys are doing themselves a disservice Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Yeah, for sure. I had a boyfriend that I met off Tinder. My kids said to me, you're the only person who's ever found a long-term relationship from someone off Tinder. Subsequently, I've been banned. I think it's because I tried to promote my gigs. I still don't know why, but anyway, it doesn't matter. But he had this cute, like, super cute profile. And I remember he was a quirky looking guy. And we were together for a number of years. Sadly, he passed away, but he told me how long he spent on his profile. It wasn't that it was like really super long, but it was him. It was him, you know, it was funny and it was kind of, it was just a bit quirky really. And his picture was kind of quirky and he was kind of arty looking. There was something twinkle in his eye that I just really responded to. Yeah, he told me, like, and I said to him, it showed because, like, when I saw it, I knew that you'd worked on it. I knew that you thought about it. And yeah. So, you know, it does make it— it does make a humongous difference. It does. It really does.

But yeah, totally. And thank you for the idea. It hadn't occurred to me to do that upsell. So you just given me an idea now. I'm like, oh, that's a great idea. I'd love to do that. That, because I would gen—

I'd love it.

I love writing, as you know, and I'm like quite— I love sort of taking photos and all those things. And just a good picture, I mean, again, like, I always look for eyes, like, friendly eyes. Yeah, no, it's not even about being the, the hunkiest person, honestly. It's just like, are you open? Are you warm? Are you warm-hearted?

Yeah, yeah, for sure. And just like a really nice kind of smile. And yeah, but I think, yeah, you're welcome to that idea, Shakti. You're welcome. Every episode I try to give people a little business idea. Yesterday I was telling a guy that, that's having problems with his coaching around helping men overcome erectile dysfunction. I was like, you need to give them a checklist of going into see the doctor and the questions they need to ask to get the right kind of treatment that they deserve. Just charge them some money for the checklist so they can go in feeling prepared. He's like, oh, I mean, that's quite a good idea. I was like, there you go. Just like, you can have that one. Anyway, we've reached the end of what was supposed to be a 30-minute conversation, but it's 40. It's fine. And it's only because I love talking to you. Good luck with the workshops, and we will promote them in the links and make sure that people know how to find you. And if they want to get their profile redone, that you are the one to talk to. And yeah, good, good luck with it all, and good luck with finding that warm-hearted, spiritual, loving, super juicy Suzanne Noble.

Thank you. Thank you so much. It's been great fun.