Episode 127: Talking Sex Toys with a Reviewer

Suzanne Noble: I'm very excited to welcome our new sponsor, Higher Nature, who have created Rekindle, which I'm currently trying out and is working a treat. A 100% natural libido-enhancing supplement for women, which contains clinically backed ingredients to give your sex life a boost. And who doesn't want that? Hi, this is Suzanne Noble, and you're listening to Sex Advice for Seniors. And today I'm with Ralph Greco. Last time we spoke, we were talking about erotica. Ralph does a lot of smutty writing, he's into a bit of BDSM, just generally kind of naughty stuff. We're just talking about naughty stuff. Unfortunately, he's like in a whole nother country. Otherwise, I think we'd be best mates.

Oh my God, yes. Oh my God, yes.

We would be so hanging out together, you and I.

Oh my god. Yes. Oh my god. Absolutely.

But we were both— because Ralph writes, he still writes for like Hustler and people like that. You write?

I, you know, it's funny you say you mentioned the H word. I have something supposedly coming out on Hustler in March.

Cool, cool. Great.

It's a piece on podcasts, porn star podcasts. And that's coming out in March. And that's, that's, that's coming. But yeah, I mean, I work for Darkside, which is in the UK, which is a BDSM Magazine, King Queens here in the UK, in the US, and like, you know, across the board, whoever, you know, whoever will have me because I'm basically a whore. And then like we were just saying off camera about, about what's something, another kind of writing we do. And it just put up, I'm putting a book out with M Christian that's coming out on Valentine's Day. That's going to be a new one. It's like a sex, kind of a fun sex advice book that we're calling Sex Everything You Didn't Know That You Needed to Know. That's coming out from Parision Publishing. And that actually does my kids' books, which is kind of interesting. And then, you know, and it's— but yeah, yeah, I have a lot of kids' books, 16 kids' books out. And, you know, other than that, I'm not doing anything.

Yeah, it seems that way. Yeah, because I've started writing naughty stuff that I put behind my Substack paywall because I don't think everybody needs to know about some of that stuff. But also, I think that if people want to read my smutty stuff, I should charge them, you know, like I just feel that way now. The podcasts I give away for free because I feel they're useful advice, but the smutty stuff I'm starting to put behind my Substack paywall. But anyway, I wanted to talk to you because you pulled out these little sex masturbation sleeves.

Little eggs.

Little eggs that— and I've got one of those. It's by Suzanne Noble Noble. It's like, I think it's by Tenga or something like that.

Yeah, Tenga, Kiro, or yeah, a whole bunch of companies do this stuff.

Yeah, so there's loads, but both Ralph and I are sex toy reviewers. And we are unlike— and I know that people think that that must be an awesome job. But like, let's tell it like it is, Ralph, shall we?

I mean, any other job, you know, I mean, yeah, okay, granted, what we're doing is slightly different than maybe, you know, working on a car, or, you know, or selling whatever, selling flowers, but it's a job like anything else. And like you were just saying before we got on here, you know, I have tons of this stuff.

Yeah.

You know, and a lot— and I gotta be with you, not all of it, you know, I just don't even know what to do with it at this point, you know. So yeah, and like you said too, like after a while you're like, okay, that one works, that doesn't work, that one works, and you're just— you just— I gotta write this down and take a picture. And it's just— it's just— it's just a slog like anything else. You know, yeah.

And I don't know about you, but I'm really a bit of a creature of habit. So as much as I love lots of toys that I get given, and I get some very expensive, very upmarket, very lovely toys, I always end up with like, like my little $9.99 bullet.

Yeah, I think, I think that's true. I think you go, you go, because I'm the site I'm working for now called Toy Chats. And so they have me review this stuff, they, you know, and it's great. I'm having a great time. And pretty extensive reviews, but I find that I might go to either the go-to that I think about or go to use or whatever. It seems to be the same stuff over and over again because I guess, I guess like anybody else, certain sensations get to me and other words don't. And I don't care how old I get, maybe those things don't change. I don't know.

Yeah, I mean, so One of the aspects for me reviewing toys is that the person that I see most frequently is a guy that I only see one day a week typically. And so we have a lot of reviews to get through. Because not everything— I really like a lot of guys' stuff, like cock rings attached to prostate massagers and stuff like that. And I think that especially when you're an older guy, since we're talking about older people, I think one of the things I've certainly discovered is that whilst younger men may be going, my prostate, get away from it. Older guys are discovering the pleasure of the prostate.

Yeah, yeah.

They're less freaked out by the idea of that. And they're more willing to kind of test out some of these, you know, prostate-related toys, some of which really, really are quite great. But of course, I can't use them on my own. So as I'm collecting all of these things, I'm like, what about, you know, and then, like, how many prostate massagers can you test out in a, in a single afternoon?

A single, a single sitting, as should we say? I don't, you know, it's funny, I, that's a funny, that's a really interesting thing you just said. I don't, I don't, I truck with a few younger people, you know, like you, I have friends all over the spectrum, different ages and different whatever, but I don't know what, what, what is the, what is the overall sense about younger guys and prostate play? Are they into it? Are they not into it? I just don't know. I mean, it's well taken when you're older, that may be a thing that you're more into because it's just, just the nature of the beast. But I don't, I don't know. I can't even answer that question.

No, I don't know either. I mean, look, I'm just guessing. I could be completely wrong. I suspect with, with obviously younger people who are quite exploratory around, around sex, then sure.

Yeah, I would think so, right?

They would get into that. But I think, you know, certainly I've seen more older people that are interested and curious— men— about, about things to do with their prostate. And some of this stuff can be a little— especially when you're— if you don't know, if you've never done anything involving your prostate, like I know guys, for instance, that are because they're having issues, they go and have, you know, cameras put down there and everything. And they're like, oh my god, I totally freaked out. It was a horrible experience. And then I know other people for whom that would be like an afternoon's pleasure.

Yeah, yeah, no, I really— it's so individual, isn't it? I mean, and that's the thing about the toys too. Like, they're just taking your and my subjective notion of this.

Yes.

What it's worth to me, you know, we have a facility to write, we have a facility about, you a little bit of experience and knowledge about these things. But beyond that, it's a subjective call every single time, as is probably most everything in the world. Everything we do is subjective, right?

Yeah, yeah, yeah, for sure. And, and, you know, for me, it's surprisingly though, like, one of the things that I've discovered from doing all of this testing is that actually, years ago, I was given like one of those sucking toys, you know, like a clit sucker toy thing.

I love that band.

Brilliant band, right?

I love that band. Yeah, I just saw them on— they were on the Golden Globes. It was Clitsucker.

Anyway, I was given one of these things. I didn't get on with it at all, and I thought it was— I didn't— I was like, I don't get this, it doesn't do it, it's not really for me. And then another company gave me one, just a tiny little thing. It's called a Cindy. It's really just like a little ball with a sucking thing at the end of it. And again, I thought, oh God, I'm just not really gonna like this. And actually I ended up loving it, like loving it. So sometimes they get surprised. Everyone— yeah, that I look at and I think, I don't think I'm gonna like this, this isn't gonna do anything. And then I'm like, whoa, no, this is amazing. So I do think, especially, I met someone the other day who said his partner never used toys. And I do think that there is something to be said for there being too many toys.

Oh yeah, it's not one of those he with the most toys wins in the end. Not— it's not a war of attrition. And I had a buddy, I know this guy a little, but not that well. But he said he started dating this lady and they were— this guy's not the most experienced dude in the world. And he started this very nice lady and they're in their 50s. And she said to him, and this is a great comeback, I wish I would have thought of this. He said, she said, in the middle of their canoodling, she said, so, so are you into toys? And he said, what, like Tonka trucks? Like, not even thinking what she was like, had no idea what she was going for. And I thought it was such a, such a beautifully just simple, innocent response, you know, like from somebody who just wasn't, you know, that's just so funny. I was like, that, that's a great response, man. I wish I could have, you know, that's like something I love to think myself, you know. What do you mean, Tonka truck? Then she's like, no, you dummy.

Well, that's the thing is like, when you're somebody who's a toy reviewer, and you have boxes of this shit, like for me, firstly, there's the work involved, right? So when I, you know, when I, when I'm with this guy, and I know that I'm way behind on my toy reviews, I just—

you mean behind euphemistically, go ahead.

And I have to chuck all this stuff on the bed and literally like, whip out all these things and go plug it into the computer. Yeah, like this, write this down. Did you like that? Did I like that?

Whatever.

So, you know, we have to go through all of this really quickly. But I also know that because of that, me and using toys in the bedroom is like a no-brainer, partly because it's a job, but partly because I've just done it for so long.

Experience.

So I get so many people who go, I would really love to bring a toy into the bedroom. And I don't actually have any advice for them because I'm too long in the tooth for this.

Yeah, because if it's kind of almost like your default browser, you and I don't think of those things, right? And I just, I don't, I guess it's just like anything else that we talk about and we've written about and we, we give advice about if people ask for advice, even if they don't, it's communication. I guess that's it at the end of the day, right? So, I mean, But to— but you're— I'm in the same place you are. Like, I don't even think these things are not even— they're in my thoughts like anything else. It's just a part of the daily life, you know?

Yeah. I mean, I do think one of the things I said was start simple. Start simple.

Oh yeah, absolutely.

You know, like you don't need something with 10 speeds and 20 vibrations and, and multicolored flashing lights and all that kind of stuff. Just buy something quite simple, easy to use. And I said, and I don't know if you agree with me on this one, but I said preferably not in the shape of a penis. Ness, because I know some guys think, what, so now I have to, you know, get— I'm competing with that thing.

You know, that's a good point. That's a very good point. I mean, you know, the simple thing is, is, you know, simple is my middle name because it's what's going on up here anyway. But in, in the— in not to plug this book, but in the, in the book that Chris and I put together that's coming out in, uh, month or so. The one point he makes about getting into kink or roleplay, whatever, is he's always staying simple at first. Simple first, simple first, you know, because— and that's true of anything, you know. If you're gonna start playing guitar, I'm not— you should not think you're gonna start being playing like Hendrix, you know. So you have to just— you have to approach everything that way and then amp it up to where you want to go. You may amp up quickly, you may amp up nowhere, because I think that's another point too you're making. It's a good point. If you have it in your head, like, it's got to be, you know, little lights and, you know, like the, the, this, the end of, uh, Close Encounters, then if you don't get there, you're like, oh, I failed. Yeah, because I didn't use this, I didn't do this, I didn't, you know, and you're like, uh, you don't need— no, there's no, there's no competition here, you know. No, no, that's a good point too. I bet the simples are very—

you know, the other thing that I know is more challenging for people to talk about is the fact that You know, often it can just take longer to have an orgasm, right? Just for both men and women at an older age. So, so sometimes I just think I just need the little extra help that vibrators provide. And so it doesn't have to be complicated. It just has to vibrate, frankly, preferably at the speed I like and the vibration that I like.

Yeah, no, that's a good point. And also I'm thinking the minute you said that, we should also not be— we could take, we could take orgasm off the table as as well, right? Having fun and pleasure. So, and these, a lot of some of these devices, you can, you know, keep them on a low thrum where you, well, they're giving you what you need, but you keep it a certain level. So, but, you know, I guess, I guess we learn this stuff as we grow older. Everything you're talking about, we learn as we grow older, right? Yeah. Or we like to think we were, or we should learn as we grow older that all these nuances, and that's what you're talking about, right? Is nuance. Either comes from toys or not, or in your head or whatever. But I think, um, but it's fun. It is, it is interesting being who we are and what we do. What it's like, the cobbler's kid is never shod. That's what you hear all the time, right? So it's like that kind of theory, you know, we just, I don't know, it becomes a, it just becomes a thing. We put, we put it where it's supposed to be in our heads or in our bedrooms, and then we, we go on with our lives.

Yeah, I mean, so then we come to the second point, which is, of course, we've both got the same problem, which is that these fucking toys are taking up up so much space.

Yeah, no kidding, right?

Yeah, they're taking up so much space. And, and I actually started— look, I mean, you know, I haven't done it. I haven't done it partly because I'm not supposed to. But I started looking at, does anybody buy secondhand sex toys? And of course, I was not surprised to learn that if you are a young attractive woman, and you are selling your used underwear—

I was just thinking the same thing.

Anything that's used that would sell it.

Who are you kidding? You people be lining up to buy your used stuff. You gotta be kidding. Come on, the cottage industry right now, right? We can— www.comeandgetsusannesoldstuff.com. Who are you kidding?

Because I was like, what do I fucking do with all of this? You know, I mean, and they must know that, right? The manufacturers must know. I don't want to I don't— they're not really that recyclable. I think these toys, you know, in terms of like, if I, if I throw them on a, you know, away, I'm sure they're just gonna— it's gonna take hundreds of years for them to, to, you know, to disintegrate. So that's an interesting landfill. That's right. Interesting.

And then this landfill we have— oh, okay, that's interesting. Where'd this come from? Sorry, guys.

A different kind of filling up, right?

Oh, hell yeah. That's it. That's it.

Yeah.

But yeah, we've had— we had that bag ban in Jersey, which ended up being not being anything. They didn't want plastic bags from the supermarkets anymore.

Yeah, we stopped those.

They— but, but it had the direct result— it had the opposite result, because now what we do is have these stupid plant— these cloth bags that we can't get rid of, and they're everywhere. But that's what I'm thinking, like, you can't— you know, it's like, where does everything go in a landfill? I don't know where the right vibrators go, you know. But yeah, where do vibrators go to you die. When they die. Yeah, where did they— that's a Philip K. Dick novel, isn't it? I think.

Well, funnily enough, speaking of a little, a little funny vibrator anecdote, I don't know if you've had this happen, but I had a really nice Lelo vibrator that I was given like 10 or 15 years ago, and it was like my favorite one, and then it stopped working. And I thought, can it really have stopped working? So I just would— I refused to throw it out because I I just didn't want to believe it had actually died. And then the other day, because I've got about, probably like you, about 150 chargers of all different kinds, right? So I've got—

cell phones alone, right?

So I've got this big drawer full of chargers from my vibrators because I'm not organized enough to keep them together. So if I want one, I have to go through the drawer and I have to— I have to try and find the one that actually charges the fucking—

which is a sign of a sane mind, by the way. If you didn't know which one went to which, I would have a problem with you. But since you don't, I love you even more.

No, no idea. Totally disorganized with that. And so anyway, I found this charger, plugged it into this Lelo vibrator, kind of hoping but not, but not really expecting much. And the thing came back to life like resurrection. And it's been working ever since. And sometimes, sometimes my vibrators go off in the middle of the night, which freaked me right out. It just, they just start. Yeah, they just start buzzing.

You got a Marquis de Sade poltergeist that comes through your house and said, I'm gonna fuck with you, man. That's funny. That's very funny.

It's really scary. But I do think that we all have this. All of us toy reviewers must have the same problem, which is You, you know, it's a job, then you have all this product. And then your friends think that you're really lucky because you got like 100 vibrators of various types. But actually, you, you just want to kind of get rid of them.

Oh, yeah, you're inundated. I mean, and look, I'm thrilled with the work. Don't get me wrong, we both would say this. And every writer I know would say this.

I love doing it.

Thrilled with— I like the work. And I'm thrilled with the work. Because in a freelancer, you're always looking for work. Yeah, I'm thrilled with their work. And these guys at Toy Chats couldn't be nicer to me. I mean, they're fantastic. Yeah, but there's stuff. There's just a lot of stuff, you know. And I'm saying keep giving me stuff because I'm keeping working. I, you know, I mean, that's, that's the name of the game here. But yeah, yeah, there's, there's stuff, you know. It's like, it's like, and I don't know about you, but like, I have all my albums from when I was a kid. I have, you know, I have all my toys from when— and I'm not talking sex. It's like, I got a lot of stuff, you know. Yeah, that just happens. Books too. I can't even start to talk about the books.

No, see, I'm not as much of a hoarder from the sound of it as you are. So just—

thanks a lot. I'm not as sick as you, Ralph. That's all right.

I'm living in a flat with one suitcase.

I live in the past so much I rent furniture there, but go ahead.

So when you— obviously lots of Lots of people know about stuff for women, but not so many people know about the stuff that's available for men. And I know that lots of men, when I speak to them, say to me, what the fuck do I need toys for? I've got my hand, right? That's the, that's the go-to response for a lot of guys that I know when I talk to them about toys. So what is the new stuff that you've had recently that you've thought, oh, this is kind of interesting?

Hmm, well, I mean, I guess, you know, the— it became so popular, it became ubiquitous, was the Fleshlight, you know. Yeah, right. The problem with that item, I find, or anything of that nature, which is the— you know, there's a, there's a line of the Pornstar Strokers, there's Fleshlights, a whole bunch of— they're very heavy. They're in these cases that are like, like, you know, I feel like Darth Vader, you know. I mean, they're major and I think it's just too heavy for my personal tastes. Um, so the, the things I see— when we were just talking about this before— the things, the thing, the things I see now that I like are these little guys, these little, these little cups, these little cups and, um, eggs and like sleeves. And so I think some of these are one-offs too. Some of them are one and done, they're disposable.

Yeah, yeah.

And I, I tend to like that stuff more than these big There's another item too I saw that where you squeeze the side. It's a, you know, it's a big item. You squeeze the side because that manipulates the suction.

Oh, right.

That too was very hard to manipulate, you know. Now I'm a musician, so I have very dexterous, if that's the word, hands. So I can manipulate anything. But I, what you were saying before about Simple, Simple plays into this, I think. And so what I've been seeing lately is the simpler and smaller, I think, is better. But that's just my opinion. But I would say that's where my head's headed more ways than one at this point.

I got something given to me the other day that was kind of— I thought was good. I mean, I gave it to my friend, but it was just went on the top and it had like a vibrating thing. On it, and it sort of was like almost like edging, really. You know, it was kind of just keeping him right on the edge, and he quite liked that. And I thought— I think it's called the Love Motion or something like that. That I thought was kind of cool. It had like a sort of suction thing, but you didn't have to stick it all— it didn't encase the entire penis. It just went over like the head. I thought that was I thought that was kind of cool.

It's like, it's— you're— then the manufacturer there is thinking a little bit, as opposed to, okay, here's the tube, put yourself in it.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Okay, but it doesn't— it does not a lot of— not a lot of finesse there, you know.

No, and I think that's the thing is what I'm seeing in men's toys is they're more like becoming more egg-shaped, like larger egg shapes, smaller egg shapes, as opposed to tubular. Like you said, they started off being like tubes. Or like fake female bums or whatever, you know, that kind of stuff. And it seems like now they're just focusing on the place where you feel the most pleasure, which makes sense, right? It's just, you know, just mainly on the top. And, and I thought those were— that was kind of, you know, quite interesting and also fun. I would say also speaking as like, if you're going to go into like couples things, I really enjoyed, like, using that on him.

Makes sense, doesn't it?

Yeah, it was quite hot. And that's the other thing I would say is, like, there's some of those cock rings that have got a vibrator on them that are meant to be used for couples, and some of them I don't find are kind of very— just, they're just not anatomically correct.

I agree. I totally agree.

Where the vibration bit goes.

It's kind of like it goes on, you're like, well, you know, what is this hitting? You know, because this is— I don't, I don't know anybody shaped like that, you know, I mean, yeah, totally agree with you.

Yeah, so I think sometimes, as you said, they're starting to think more anatomically about like, well, what is gonna, you know, how do people receive pleasure rather than just doing this kind of like, You know, back in the old days, we used to have these plastic kind of things that just look like long bullets, right, that women used to use, and they had a twisting bottom and they put 3 big— 3 massive batteries in them. Yeah, yeah, it was made of hard plastic. And that was kind of like the first vibrator. And now I think things are becoming smaller, things are becoming more discreet. I think that people are thinking more about the shape of the human body. Oh My Bod does a really nice cock ring with like a larger pad attached to it with a vibrator, which I think is particularly nice. And, but some of them, I'm just like, I don't get this.

I think, I don't know, see, I think what happened was, and I don't know this for sure, there was a, there was a change in the gotta make this stuff really safe now. 3, get rid of all that stuff and all, and, you know, and I think that was, that was, that was the big— because I remember when Pyrex came in and that was like a big thing because, okay, we're not being made of this plastic anymore. Then the manufacturer's like, oh, we got to keep up here, we got to make sure everything goes out here is body safe. And I think that was the— I think, I think that was more important than design, maybe. I don't— not sure. And now it seems to— we're getting more intuitive about design, and it seems to be And maybe, maybe, maybe we're thinking more couples using this and maybe we're thinking more people of different ages are using this.

Yeah.

Why create something that's only going to be used by a 25-year-old? Not that there's anything wrong with that, but if we can make it as user-friendly for all ages, that may be a good thing. So maybe that's what's happening. Maybe that's what we're seeing now. And then certainly power sources changed too, right? Because it was like, okay, we're just plugging into the computer now. You know, that was a big thing. No more batteries, power sources. That was another thing. So I think all that stuff probably is a progression of just what's come over the years, you know.

For me, the biggest change has been the motors. The biggest change for me has been the motors.

That's a good point. Good point.

Even in the cheapest toys, the motors are so strong.

Yeah, yeah, that's a good point.

Compared to what they used to be. And now, when I get toys given to me, even the lowest setting is really high.

Well, yeah, and the variability, right? I mean, I would say that that's a big thing too.

Yeah, and I noticed that no matter whether they're cheap or expensive, they almost all are 10 speeds now, just generally.

And that's a— yeah, and I think again, I think somebody somewhere is thinking about adding, you know, and I hate to use this word nuance because I use it way too much, but I think really that's the point. Let's, let's try to make these things, you know, and, you know, if you're asking a certain price for something, you better deliver because now, you know, there's so many different ways to get this stuff now and so many different companies that, you know, I, I guess as an aside, I was thinking that over the summer I was working for a company and I'm not going to name the name, big company, and I was writing blogs for them like 3 or 4 news items a day. And it was, there was sex site. And then they just dropped all of us and just went into their toy division, which they had. And I was thinking to myself, okay, fine. But, but there's so many toy sites out there. There's so many, there's an unbelievable amount. And I'm thinking, are you competing in this field? Because I mean, this is a huge field. I mean, I'm not saying don't go into it. I'm just saying, I found it interesting. And that what you're just saying about this, because The retail market is saturated. So if you're going to come out with something you want people to buy, you better— you don't have to reinvent the wheel, but you better present something that's worth it to people to buy because, you know, the price difference in some of these things are great. And I'm not going to pay that much money for that if I can pay a lot less money for this, you know, and it's just as good.

Yeah, yeah, for sure. And I think, you know, as you said, it's now pretty much the standard. That toys are made out of a nice quality silicone, that they're waterproof, that they're— yeah, phthalate-free, you know, rechargeable. Like, most stuff is now pretty much standard. So, yes, you know, you know, look, when you're first getting started, all I would say is, like, going back to what we said before, just keep it really simple. Don't go, don't go into the section where you're gonna see something with, like, you know, 20 different vibrations and 3 different— you know? For me I need 2 or 3 vibrations and then I'm done! Yeah no, I agree. The other 7 I don't know what to do with them. The things that go zzzz, zzzz, zzzz... And then the one that goes ssssss, ssssss, ssssss, ssssss... And then the one that goes dddddd, like, I don't know! I don't know what to do with it!

It's true. That's like, that's like that old joke, you know, when you were, when you're a young, young hetero man and you don't know what you're doing, and a girl will tell you, yeah, well, you know, whatever, but can you stop this on my clit? Are you rubbing off paint? What are you doing? What are you doing? Or like, can you stop trying to dial in the radio on my nipples?

I know, it's too much.

But we all— it's the best thing about this is we are— this is what I love about— I hate about the human race and I love about the universe. We are all so much the same in this stuff. I mean, we all want different stuff, right? But when it comes down to it, we— this is what— this is what it is, man. And this is why I don't understand why we get in such trouble with each other, because we're just so easy. Like, we're just so easy. We're just like these stupid naked apes running around going, "Yeah, that feels good, do that." I mean, they're just so stupid, you know? And sometimes it works. It's like you're saying, I don't need like the 15 different variations. And some people do. Some people do. I mean, I don't think so, but I guess I'm just figuring, erring on the side of possibility, you know?

But, um, this Because I look at all of this and I think, who are they testing this shit on? Like, why are they not testing it on Suzanne Noble and Ralph and two other people? And they're not.

I don't, I don't know who— I don't know who they are. I don't know. I think also, like anything else, you know, this works, so we're going to make more of these.

Exactly.

Because this sells, so we're going to make more, as opposed to maybe coming up with something new. But, you know, that's just, that's just the nature of retail.

I just want something I've always said I want something that has on one end a bullet and on the other end a clit sucker. That's it. So when I'm, when I'm bored of one, I just flip it over and it does the other.

Yeah. And then it could, if it could cook, I'd be really happy.

And if it could cook and if it occasionally took me out for dinner.

Oh man, I'm done. I'm done.

It doesn't even have to like the same music.

No. And if you, if it could pass me the remote and not say a word, holy shit. Holy shit. We're in heaven as far as I'm concerned.

Oh my God. Where is that ultimate toy? Oh, you know, there'll be a robot though that'll do all of that stuff in the future.

Well, you know, I have a buddy and he doesn't do it anymore.

Have you ever done robot toys?

No. I have a buddy though who was making high-end sex dolls. Yeah, and he can't anymore because he's getting undercut by, by much lesser quality dolls. Um, and he just can't keep up with the, with the, you know, he's like, I can't keep up with how— because his dolls are unbelievable, they're works of art. But, you know, so there are some people who are mining the low end, as they say, as we say, with less— not great quality stuff. But that's true of anything, you know. So yeah, you have to, you have to be a little careful. And, and, you know, I'm not going to give a plug to either you or I, but read a review. Read what we're writing, man. We're being really honest with you. And we're— and, you know, a lot of these reviews, like in Toy Chats, the reviews are very long and they're detailed with pictures. And I keep, I keep plugging these guys. But anyway, um, but read the reviews.

I mean, my, in my Substack at the bottom, I'll let you do that.

Okay, I appreciate it. But, but The point is that if somebody like you and I are writing these things and we've been around a little bit of time, you know, we're just, we're just out of our 30s. I would think that you should listen to what we're saying because we're giving you the— I have no dog in this fight. I don't, I don't care if you buy the product or not. So I'm just being honest.

I mean, I try to give something. I try to say something positive about everything, to be honest, because that's my, that's my thing. But, you know, there are definitely things that I like more than other things. And when I do like them, then You know, I do rave about them. So that's all I could say is read between the lines and you'll see, you'll discover.

And like you say, too, like some of these things are designed for couples, they're not designed for solo use too. No, no, that's right. And if that's the case, then you're gonna, you're coming into the, will the other person like this like I do or not like me? A million little, and a lot of little, a lot of little things that can happen in that case, you know. So true.

That's very true, Ralph. Like always, it's been an absolute pleasure talking.

I could— I tell you, I could do this every day with you. I just like— and you're right, we'd be dangerous if you live closer or I live closer. Oh my God, the time we would have. Oh, we would have such a great time just hanging out and just gabbing like, like, are you in New Jersey or something? Yes, I'm sorry. Yeah, I'm in— I live in New Jersey. I've lived in New Jersey in the, in the US all my life. Yeah.

Oh, that's okay. Because my son's got a good job now and he said he's going to fly me over to New York once a year.

Oh, you come in. You know, did you hear about what's happening in New York with the congestion pricing and stuff and trying to get around? Now, I'm in New York. They're hitting you with a congestion price now, not only just to get into the city, but wherever you drive, they're going to hit you with a, with a price, with a, with a kind of like a— let's call it congestion pricing.

Yeah, we've got that. We've had that in London for a while. I don't, I don't drive, but yeah, so I love walking. I love walking.

Well, that's what it's about. You know, but if you— yeah, if you get over here, we're—

we're—

you and I are gonna tear this town up, you know.

I'm so excited. All right, take care.

Thank you, sweetie. Bye-bye.