Episode 129: The Human Design Approach to Relationships

This week's episode has been sponsored by Oh My Bod, shifting the evolution of pleasure. Hi, this is Suzanne Noble, and you're listening to Sex Advice for Seniors. And today I'm with somebody called Anna Zena. I love your name. Do you know what? It always makes me think of the superhero Warrior Woman. I'm sure you've heard that before. And, uh, I've spoken to Ana before. She's a Human Design coach. She does, um, workshops about full body orgasms, which actually I think I'm going to take because I've heard so much about them and I, and I would like to know what that's all about. She's an energy healer, but today specifically we're going to talk about some events that she's got coming up next week that I just think Why not? Because I know there's some people that listen to the podcast that do live in London that could come along. And so I just like to share with them what's happening and how they can meet you in person. I'd love to be there, but I'm in the Grand Canary, as you know. So anyway, welcome to Sex Advice for Seniors again.

Oh, it's so good to be here. Thank you, Suzanne Noble.

Yeah, so tell me, what is it that you're doing? I know you said you just got back from Goa. Lucky you. But, uh, what are these workshops? Where are they? What can people expect?

Yes. So on my return from Goa, upon my return, I got notified that some friends, uh, were, who are also in the healing, uh, world and the healing scene, uh, in the community are putting together this amazing project, uh, where they're turning this canal boat into a healing center, literally. And it's starting, the program is starting with one week of free workshops for the community. They are sponsored by the council. So the people, the people will just have to message every facilitator to book, but it's, I think, I think we have limited space because the boat isn't that big, but it's not a small boat either. So It's looking really great and it's literally behind my house. That's the reason why I got invited because the canal is literally behind the building where I live. And it's actually closer to the Union Tavern.

I know exactly where it is.

Just off the Harrow Road. And it's after this week of workshops which are going to be all on the theme of wellness and well-being. I'm going to put on a Human Design workshop, maybe a full-body orgasm one on Saturday, because, um, there's— there was a space opening now, and I was thinking, oh, I haven't really done anything sensual since the summer, and I'm kind of itching. But I also know that these ones are always so well received and they also so needed in the community. And after that, the plan is for the whole boat to stay as a healing hub. And yes, my friend, the owner, has offered me or suggested to me if I want to use it as a healing space because I also do private treatments and massage. So I still don't know exactly how he set it up inside. I've been in the boat last year in this boat, but it wasn't set up like that at all. Now it's totally changed. So it sounds very exciting.

And did he get money from Kensington and Chelsea Council?

Yes.

Wow, that's amazing. So what are you going to do during the Human Design workshop? What can people expect?

So the Human Design workshop is intended to bring us closer to our purpose. Our sense of purpose. And, uh, I haven't even asked anybody to do anything before they come because I just want to make it totally, uh, cool for beginners.

Yeah.

And so what we're going to do is, uh, I'm going to check everybody's type before we start, which only takes a moment.

Yeah.

And because we have 2 hours, uh, for the slots, the workshops are quite long and, uh, But when you're having a good time, that's not a lot. And then, um, so what I do is I go through each energy type and I share how to eliminate resistance from your life, how to date, uh, how to approach things like dating or career, or, um, when you have difficult situations with your friends and loved ones, you know, and, um, And there's always a lot of insight because I make these interactive and there's a lot of questions and sharing. Uh, and yeah, I've done those before and they're always so amazing. It always really surprises me how, um, how well received and how successful they are because in the beginning I always think, oh, is it going to be the same old? And it never is. It's like, magic.

And so you talk about these different energy systems. Can you just remind me again of what those are?

Oh yes. So we have the— there's 4 energy types in Human Design, and the majority are the generators, 70%. You are a generator. I— sorry, I checked you. And so the generator is really here the only type that has that access to sustainable energy to wake up in the morning refreshed, to go to bed exhausted, to wake up refreshed and to work, to become masterful through the things that they work. Of course, it has to be something they love.

Yeah.

And is the only type also that has consistent access and also quite solidified, so to speak, sexual signature.

Oh, right.

Or let's say the way that their sexuality expresses itself, which is very interesting because the other 30% of the people have a very fluid sexuality. And so it's interesting to see that game because everybody finds the generators very, very juicy and attractive, right? Because they, they have the sex magic. So then we have 20% projectors who are like me or similar. Yeah, we projectors are here to work very well with generators because our aura is complementary and we can see very well how the generator is using their energy and we can guide them when they invite us, of course, recognize us and invite us into how they can be more efficient.

Interesting.

And then we have 8% manifestors. They are the only type that is here to just, can just wait for whatever their divine guidance is and go out there and initiate. And yet all of us get brought up with the conditioning that we have to go out there and do it, but only the Manifestor can actually do it. And then we have 1% of Reflectors. A Reflector is a very, very existential being that is connected to the cycles of the moon. They take one month to decide, to make a decision, and they're really good at reflecting back the state and the health of the collective, even the human being as well. I, when I, whenever I give a reading to a reflector, they read me better than I read them. I'm like, oh my God. Interesting.

And are these energy systems evolved over time or is there a belief that we are born with these energy systems?

Well, this is called an energy type. In Human Design. And it is believed that we are, we are born as this type and we stay this type for the whole incarnation, for our whole life. It does not change throughout life. Yeah. The only thing that changes from time to time is we evolve. So for example, there was only manifestors, generators, and reflectors. Until the 17th century. And only for the last 300, 400 years, the projector came up as a mutation and in the program. So, um, that's why if, if anybody who's listening and they've checked that they are a projector, don't be hard on yourself. Don't beat yourself up. You are the youngest type. You are the baby in Human Design. So we need, you know, a little bit more leeway to get our heads around what our trip is.

Oh, very, very interesting. So you're saying 80% are this recently evolved energy type and the rest of them—

No, 20, 22%.

Oh, 22%. Oh, I see.

I see. The generator is 70% is the biggest group.

Oh, right.

Then the next one is the projected 22. Then we have the, um, manifestor is about 8 and 1% reflectors.

Oh, very, very interesting. So when you work with people that don't know anything about this, which I suspect is going to be most of the people that just turn up on a random boat in—

Exactly.

West London, because that is, you know, the circumstance, right? How does that work out when you come across such a different and diverse group of people? Are they all generally fascinated? Are there people that are skeptical? What is the mix of people that you, that would be coming to this? What do you think that's going to look like?

Usually everybody's really interested and invested because first of all, they get to hear, I do not use jargon. I don't use any terminology when I give these workshops. They are basically the medium between the system and the community. Right. So I have, I focus only on very practical. It's a very practical system because it's not really anything spiritual. It's more mechanics of how we are set as energy, how the energy works. And it's a system that's, uh, based on, uh, really amazing systems like the I Ching, astrology, Kabbalah, the Indian chakra system, quantum physics. And it's fascinating how accurate it is. I always had a lot of ovations and a lot of interest and people getting really into it, starting to check their partners, their kids. You can imagine. Yeah.

Yeah. And so how do you find out which system you're in?

So you, uh, there's, there's many websites that do that.

Okay.

Um, I really like thebodygraph.io. Because it's quite thorough one. There's another really good one, which is humdes.com/en, otherwise it's in Russian. There's a few that I like. They're not very mainstream ones because some of the most mainstream ones actually, like every system, gets washed out and have misinformation. So it's good to go with— but anyone will give you your type and will tell you you're a generator, you're a reflector. Your, your birth date?

Is part of it your birth date or your birthday that you need?

Your birth time and your birthplace, just like in astrology.

Oh, just like astrology.

Oh, right. Yes. Just different.

So you need to know your exact time of birth, your place of birth, and your date of birth. Yeah. That's like figuring out the astrological chart. Is there any crossover or no crossover with with an astrological chart?

Um, there is to the extent where, uh, the moment of birth is the same position of the planet as in your astrological chart. But Human Design works with another set of planet positions, which is taken 3 months prior to your birth. So they believe that 88, 89 days before we are born, that's when the soul gets in, enters the fetus.

Oh, I see.

And they take this time as the pointer of the, our unconscious or subconscious part of us. And the birth time to show our personality, our conscious side. And this is why it gets so accurate because it goes beyond what astrology works even with.

And how do you use Human Design to help clients understand themselves and improve their relationships since we're, we're all about sex advice for seniors here.

Yes, I know. I actually been doing a lot of advice, relationship advice, Human Design related, especially in Goa. Everybody was coming into relationship or breaking up or, you know, the usual. And it's amazing to see people get really amazing insights because what we have in Human Design is called composite. Composite is where the two beings, when we become— when we come together, we literally create a third entity. And when— and there are programs which juxtapose both charts of both partners and come up with one which is made of all of their elements but together. And all of the connections And actually it shows us a perfect map of how this relationship is going to develop, whether it even has a chance.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

What the challenge is going to be in this relationship. Do you get compromised? Do you have to compromise? Actually, I'm really interested to find out that the biggest, the biggest, what do you call it? Obstacle in all relationships is those compromises where we have to compromise. This is like the biggest relationship breaker.

Yeah. Yeah.

Of course, you can see whether you have electromagnetic energy with your partner. You can see, I can see whether they have a really special love relationship because not each love, not each connection is the same. And we know it. We've been with, uh, we, a lot of us have had more than one partner and we know that with every partner we had a different story. We could do things with one person that we couldn't do with another. And this is how it goes. And it was very interesting because my partner, he's friends with all of his exes.

Yeah.

And his ex came to visit us in Goa.

Yeah.

And we're very good friends now. I mean, I've gone over the jealousy part. It's been too, too long. And so she, uh, we were having dinner on the last— because when she arrived, I only had a few days left. And so very quickly it was the last dinner and we were having the last dinner and we're having a really great time because accidentally we ended up in an amazing restaurant with really cool music and everything. And, uh, my partner started telling me something really romantic again. And we have this absolute romance with him. It's like, I never had this with anybody else. And he writes me poems, like love poems, like all the time. That's sweet. And, uh, and I was telling him, oh, you're so romantic. And she turned around and she said, you were never romantic with me.

Yeah, but it's true, isn't it? I mean, there was— I forget who was the person who said it, and I believe it's true as well— is that when two people come together, they, they— there's another, there's another person in the relationship, which is the relationship, right? Yeah, there's the two of them, and then there's the thing that sits in the middle that's the— that is the relationship. And if you don't nurture that thing that sits in the middle, that relationship, the energy, then it dies, right? Because you both have to feed it with goodness and good stuff. Otherwise, if one person's giving it lots of food and the other person's just generally ignoring it, then, you know, it's not going to sustain itself. So, you know, I was— I had some friends of mine staying with me. I'm in the Grand Canaries at the moment. And I I had some friends of mine staying with me for a week that were, that have been together for 12 years and looking at them together, it's so cute because I'd forgotten about this aspect of the dynamic that two people create with each other. That's like, they are patterns, right? It's, you can see my parents who have been together for like 60-odd years. They do the same thing. They have the same conversations all the time of the things that you know, annoy them or just bother them or nag them or whatever. And I think, you know, like you've been doing that. And I have some other friends who do this as well. In fact, every couple I know, they have their energy around them where if you're an outsider, you just kind of look at it and think, am I just not getting something here? You know, they're still arguing about the fact that one person's late all the time, for instance. Yeah. Yeah, and they've been late for 60 years.

Yeah, exactly.

Yeah, this is not gonna be late now. Or, you know, or one person overshares certain— in my friend's case, she overshares certain intimate aspects of their relationship, which he finds quite challenging, and she rolls his eyes, but in a very cute way. But, you know, it is this kind of energy that people create between them. So I can see that when two different forces come together, they do create something new and different. And I don't think that's particularly woo-woo, to be honest. I just think it is the way it is. That's what, that's what happens.

There is a theme that happens when we connect with another, and there's several different themes. For example, if we are a 9/0, which means when the partners are together, all of their centers get to be defined. Uh, which means 9/0 is nowhere to go. You do not have any space in this relationship for a third person or for another person. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah.

Like, and so in this relationship, for example, kids can be very challenging and they, and that is where with this awareness of human design, you become, you start understanding not just the relationship with yourself and your partner better. And when we see each other and when we understand where we are coming from, we can love each other a lot easier.

Yes, for sure.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Because if you are an 8/1, I know I always want to be an 8/1, is the theme is have some fun. For example, my relationship theme with my partner is we have 7 defined centers and 2 open centers. So we are 7/2, which means work to do.

Okay, yeah, yeah.

And like this, it's, it's very interesting.

Yeah, definitely. And so this other workshop that you're giving, you said is going to be potentially the full body orgasm workshop.

Yes.

How is that gonna work on a boat with a bunch of random people getting together?

To be honest, in the full body orgasm workshop, we never undress.

You don't undress? Okay.

Unless someone's hot and you take their coat off, but not like nothing naked. There's nothing embarrassing apart from the fact that we talk about sex.

Okay.

So the idea behind it is that each one of us has to be responsible for— like, for example, when we look for a partner, we don't look for that partner so they can make us happy. We look for a partner so we can share each other's happiness. And so in Full Body Orgasm, I come from the same premise that we each need to understand our own sexual energy, and our own sexual expression, and how we operate as a sexual being before we can go on and share it with someone else. So I, I talk about the fact that we came with one big or small orgasm. Depends whether, you know, our dad only had it, or whether it was both of them. And, um, like I just—

likely that our dad only had it, but anyway, you never know, right?

Exactly. Like, for example, I discovered that, uh, because the one of the lineages I belong to, uh, says that it's very important your— this, this kind of sex that your parents had that made you.

Yeah.

The conception. Sex. That's very important what kind of sex it is. Is it like a sex where both parents had orgasms? Or is it where only one parent had an orgasm, in which case they call it bored fuck. Okay. And, and so it's— we started with, without an orgasm, there isn't going to be me, there isn't going to be nobody. No. So why can't I, rather than just expelling this energy and wasting it with premature ejaculation or the very first climax without building up and building up and you starting to use it, yeah, why do I just waste it all my life and then I get to when I'm 60 or 70 or 80 years old and and I start having vaginal prolapse and I don't know what, what is happening today. I couldn't believe it when I was teaching a mast— I was going to say masturbation— menopause workshop last year. I found out that most women, the minute they turn 50, they start having incontinence. It's like, it's sad. And it's all about those muscles at the bottom of your spine that can be worked out. So basically I bring in that a few very powerful practices that start working and bringing awareness in that part.

All right.

Yeah. And, uh, before that we do some special movements that move our sexual energy, our energy basically, and start waking up our sexual energy. And yes, some people may feel a little horny during the workshop, but it is something that I teach them how to transmute when it gets a little bit overwhelming, so they can start becoming a lot more sexually confident and sexually confident, self-assured, really. Because I've worked with a lot of guys who have suffered from premature ejaculation. And of course, the number one thing with when we're dealing with premature ejaculation is it's all in the head. It's too much stress in the head. We cannot have sex from the mind. The, the mind has to let go and we have to go in the body.

Yeah.

So, so yeah, by the time we have finished with the practices, because I exercise them quite a lot, Yeah.

And, uh, not with your partner who's currently recovering from a hernia right now, but you know.

Well, he's almost recovered and we have reinstated our sex dates online. Thankfully, we had one for St. Valentine's Day. Yeah. So, and we finished with the short guided, uh, kind of in meditation where they get to feel, to expand in the feeling of unconditional love. And when we— when the orgasm grows from the heart with uplifting feelings like appreciation and gratitude, we actually can feel the orgasmic energy literally blowing our aura up. And like, we literally become bigger, and we can start feeling it as this very tantalizing kind of tingling. And, and yeah, it's amazing way. Then, then we get to work with energy orgasm, because I, I have a little orgasm speech where I tell them about different types of orgasms they can have.

Yeah, I mean, I've, I've spoken to a number of people about all of the different kinds of orgasms. I spoke to one woman once talking about cervical orgasms, which I was just like, that's too— that's a step too far for me. I can't.

No, no, it's open to any woman. Yeah, yeah.

I, you know, it's just like you said, it's, it's about all of this stuff is about a practice and about becoming attuned to what's going on in your body. And I've certainly had lots of different types of feelings going on in my body during sex. Sometimes I wouldn't classify them as an orgasm, and that's probably because I have quite a limited view of what for me is the true clitoral orgasm. And all the rest of it is just, just feels really good, you know, and feels like lots of energy, lots of wonderful sensations. But yeah, sometimes I get a bit— I get a bit— what's the word? Yeah, when I feel a bit like the word tantra, that when people start talking about all these different types of orgasms, then I get into a situation where I think, is it orgasm one-upmanship here? Are we— are we trying now to make people feel inadequate? Because they don't have the ability sometimes to experience all of these things. And should we just let them just experience the, the good feelings that go on in our body in whatever way they are? And you can, if you want to call them something, that's fine. But, you know, sometimes for me there's too much emphasis put on orgasms. And so people, people can start to feel quite inadequate, especially if they've never— I have friends who have never had an orgasm.

Yeah, yeah. No, I've met a lot of people like that as well. That's why I was holding these workshops. And it's the first thing actually that I bring in to the workshop is the fact that there's no judgment.

Yeah, exactly.

And even if you never get to experience that orgasm, remember, it's all about you having fun and enjoying your life.

Absolutely. Yeah, for sure.

Yeah. We just need to normalize these conversations and even we don't even need to call it an orgasm. It's, uh, it all depends on who our audience is, of course. Uh, but, uh, because I've, I've taught this for a very long time to very different people, including celebrities. Yeah. Uh, well, for them it was a TV show, so it doesn't really count. I thought you were like, was it Celebrity Big Brother or something? It was the Big Celebrity Detox.

Oh my God.

I was their full-body orgasm specialist. Therapist, therapist.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's hysterical.

But yeah, but ultimately it's all about us staying healthy and being able to actually enjoy it whichever way it comes.

And I think it's amazing, to be honest, that Kensington and Chelsea Council, who, by the way, are one of the funders of the startup school that I run as well. I think that it's quite amazing that they're giving you money to— well, they're giving this guy money to hold wellness sessions on his canal boat because that's pretty out there for a local authority.

I'm impressed.

I'm really impressed. No, honestly, I'm a bit shocked because they don't normally do things that are that out there. But, but it sounds like it's going to be really, really fun. And if you've got lovely weather next week, then being on a canal boat in London is going to be really, really, really nice. So, um, yeah, I'm gonna, I'm gonna get this out as soon as possible so that we can let people know where they can go and, and meet you and to participate in these workshops and whatever other workshops are going on, because Sounds like it's going to be a very full week of stuff happening.

Yes, there is a schedule with the workshops and the name of the facilitators and everything and all the details of how to book. Basically, you just have to WhatsApp them, which I will share with you.

Please. Yeah, please do.

By tomorrow, because I am waiting for the updated version because I have the schedule where My workshop is with the GAP, so I will get the updated version by tomorrow and send it.

Okay, brilliant. Anna, it's been lovely to see you, and we will be plugging away those workshops. And have a great time on the boat, and I wish I could be there, but you know.

Oh, I'm sure you'll be much better in the sunshine. Yeah.

All right. Take care.

Yeah, it's been a pleasure, Suzanne, as always. Bye.