Episode 134: Interview with Amara

This week's episode has been sponsored by Oh My Bod, shifting the evolution of pleasure. Hi, this is Suzanne Noble, and you're listening to Sex Advice for Seniors, and I'm really excited to welcome back to the show someone who I spoke to quite a long time ago now, actually. It was. She's coming to us all the way from lovely, beautiful New Mexico. I see she's wearing her turquoise jewelry. I'm very jealous. And her name is Amara Charles, and she's a bestselling author now published in 4 languages. Very exciting. A relationship and sexual empowerment expert. Yeah, my mouth isn't functioning today. Welcome, Amara, to the show. It's so great to see you again. Thank you.

Thank you for having me back. It's really nice to see you again, Suzanne Noble.

Yeah, so I know that you've got— you just said that your book on Kadoshka has just been published in Italian, which is very exciting. I don't remember talking to you about what Kadoshka actually is, so I'd really be grateful to understand, like, what is it exactly?

All right, well, Kadoshka is, is one of the foundational things that I share with people, and the word Kadoshka yoga itself means two separate energies, any two energies coming together that create more than the sum of the two parts. So it's, it's about infusing ourselves, each of those individual parts, and so that when they come together, it creates what I call the magical more. And so it, it derives from Mesoamerican and indigenous traditions and practices, somatic practices that are very connected with nature. They bring us back to the source of our water, earth, fire, and wind. And so brings those elements into this combustion that, that brings us closer together.

So not to compare it to Tantra, but in Tantra, obviously there's different sexual practices, different kind of exercises that singles and couples can use together. Is that the same? It's the same true of Kadoshka.

Yes, very, very experientially centered. What I do and what I love and what produces the most healing and transformation is, of course, one of the foundational principles of Kadoshka, which is that the physical is it, meaning when you get it in your body, you, you really get it. It's not just a concept, it's not just an idea. And so the basic premise is very similar, which is that our health, our orgasms are for our health, that they were given to us as a gift to receive pleasure and gain knowledge of who we really are. And in that sense, human beings are very different than animals because animals just use sex to procreate. However, humans, while procreation is a beautiful part of sex, it's also like sex is for pleasure. And, and we were designed to pleasure, we're wired for pleasure. And the question is, what I'm really about is, okay, if that's a natural sexual— sexuality is a natural gift, it's part of who we are. We all know that we, we like it, we enjoy it, but we also get into a lot of trouble. So how do we use it wisely? Yeah, how do we, you know, use what I call wise pleasure? And so over the years, what I've discovered is really that there are there are 3 essential pillars to really having ageless sexuality. And so if you're open to that, I would love to, you know, share some stuff about that.

Yeah, I'd love to hear more about that.

Okay, well, okay, then I'm gonna just dive right in, if I may. So first pillar, okay, that, that that really allows us to bring our connections to a much deeper level, a much more fulfilling place, is what I call the first pillar, is our embodied presence. Okay. And so when we have an embodied presence, it awakens our natural confidence and our natural ease. Okay. And, and, and so These are particular body practices, what I call somatic wisdom practices, which show us essentially how to unwire the past stuff that maybe didn't work very well or that, you know, that we don't want to bring into our present time. We want to really release those old patterns and most importantly, to liberate the sexual energy that is— I don't care how old we are, it's there, right? And so I'd love to share a story. I knew we were going to talk today. And so I just did a Kudoshka workshop, right? And so I'll give you an idea, more of an idea of what we do there. So make a long story short, there's the people of all ages. So there's this really— for a client of mine I've had for 20, over 20 years, she is 75 years old. Now, the first night when we're all arriving, she falls and breaks her arm. And the story is, she goes, we take her to the emergency ward, yadda da. And like she's saying to me, Amara, I want to come back. I'm like, her name is Suzanne Noble. Suzanne, are you serious? I'm coming back. She does. She comes back the next day. We do this pairing in the workshop and she gets paired. I honestly, It was so stunning. She gets paired with this gentleman who's 33.

Oh my God.

And he looks like an NFL linebacker. I mean, he is like a Hulk. I'm serious. I mean, he's just so gorgeous and like beautiful on every level. And I met him on Instagram. I didn't know this gentleman at all. Right. And so he gets paired. Okay. So the exercise that we're doing together, I'm going to give you an example of what I mean by Somatic sexual wisdom and the body is it. So really, in a nutshell, the first phase of the exercise is a very patterned relaxing of the parasympathetic and the sympathetic nervous system so that the muscles and, and the body is very receptive. And it goes on for like, like more than half an hour. And one person is giving and one person is just completely receiving. There is no reciprocation. For hours, right? And so my friend Suzanne, she is just receiving this, right? And she was all worried. She thought, I can't do this. I have a broken arm. And she just said, no, I'm doing it anyway. And I mean, that's like the fierceness. And I call it wisdom of aging. I was like, we get that we don't have like tons of experience. I want to do it now, right? And then the second part of this experience, this exercise, is what I call a free form. Okay, so now that the body is just relaxed and open through these very specific types of touch and also very specific intention to remove what is called body imprint removal. This is something from kadoshka that we remove the pain tapes, we remove the energies of the past, and we do that with our intention. So now that the body's relaxed, it's open, it's a little bit free of of the past, now what do you do? You pour in pleasure. So the second part is freeform pleasure. And it's the most important thing is that it's all over the body. It's not genitally focused. You don't like hone into one place. You want to pour in pleasure from your eyeballs to your toes, right? And every place in the body. And then in there, you also spend a great deal of time and it's spontaneous and freeform. And then the third part is the, what I, what is called the grounding and awakening. And so now that you've removed these, these memories from the body and you poured in pleasure, what do you wanna do? You wanna ground it in, you wanna really let it saturate, marinate so that you accept and you feel good with this new pattern. It's, it's neural programming, but it's also physiological, physical programming.

Okay.

That's what the shamanic work does. And they knew this like thousands of years that it has to happen in the body, but your mind has to become congruent. It has to land. And so like the grounding part is all about this gentle, like you blow over the body and you take a feather over the whole body. And then the body is just going, uh-huh. Okay. Oh, this feels, oh, okay. And so you're retraining your whole being. And so anyway, so they finished this exercise, right? And this dude, I won't mention his name, he gets up and he goes, "Well, I wrote this sonnet." He shares this sonnet and it's this whole kind of beautiful knight in shining armor that he saves this glorious maiden. He's talking, of course, about this woman who broke an arm, who's doing this in a cast. And he's talking about how gorgeous she is and how beautiful she is. And I mean, the whole room is just gobsmacked, right? And myself included. Happens all the time. That's what we mean by spiritual sexuality. It's healing. And it doesn't matter how old you are at all. Pleasure is absolutely timeless because we know this, like when we're in the middle of orgasm, it feels like we— if we're open and receptive, it feels just as amazing as it did when we were like 13 or 20 or 40, whatever. So the, that, that is what gets restored. Okay. So that, that was just the first pillar. If we have time, I'll go and I'll keep going.

But wow, that's amazing. So I, I, I was reading a bit about this, um, the teachings of Kadochka, and one of the things it says was about genital anatomy types. What, what is that exactly?

Okay. Well, just very, very briefly, because that's hard to give, you know, in a, in a encapsulated nutshell. But one of the, one of the favorite things when people come from, because I do surveys, and one of their favorite things is the genital— having your genital anatomy type identified. And of course you can see this in my book. And it's also something I do in, in my other retreats as well, because once you get to know that you are either a sheep woman, a wolf woman, or a horseman or a bear man. So there's, you know, there's 8 different types. Actually, 9. One, there's a wheel, there's one in the center. And essentially what this means is that both physiologically in terms of your physiological anatomy where the pleasure centers are located, in a nutshell, if those pleasure zones— what am I talking about? For a woman, for example, the head of her, the head of her clitoris, which is called the head of the cobra, right? And, and, and her G-spot, which is called In, in Kudoska, the fire trigger. If those are located really far apart, why then of course, it's going to affect how long it takes you to reach orgasm. But there's other factors as well in the different types. Some women are very wet. Someone would run hot and dry like fire. And so when you know your physical anatomy, some women take 3 minutes or less to reach orgasm. Some women typically take maybe 45 minutes and some of it has to do with the anatomy. Okay. And that's one of the reasons why it gives you a starting point. It is never meant to be like, uh, okay, you're contained and this is what you are and you're stuck there. And it's a limitation. It's a starting place. And you go like, oh, if I can embrace myself, like who I am naturally, and I can love the fact, like, for example, I'm a wolf woman, right? Wolf women, they howl. In lovemaking, they— all women can utilize sound, but for Wolf Woman, the making and the letting go and releasing of sound, like, amplifies her, her orgasmicness to the nth degree.

Yeah.

And, and, and so there are different qualities, different demeanors. Like, a Sheep Woman is very genteel. A Horse Man is, is, is, you know, whisper in his ear, you'll take you anywhere. He's very powerful. And also very sensitive. So you use these identifications to get to know each other and to help each other's pleasure.

Yeah, and I like the fact, I mean, I like that they're sort of archetypes in a way, but also that rather than saying, well, this is something that you have to overcome, like the fact that it might take you ages to have an orgasm, you embrace it and say, this is my— this is my— this is who I am. This is— and how do I step— and how can I step into this place of pleasure knowing that we're going—

that's the number one key is acceptance, right?

Yeah.

And loving it. Like, like a woman like that is called a dancing woman, okay? And in addition to that kind of the separation of her erogenous zones being far apart, and her G-spot is also way, way back, whereas in other types it's right, right to the— so the minute she's just even breathed on, she feels it. Okay. So I have known dancing women, okay, because I've been doing this for over 30 years. Okay. And I teach all kinds of workshops where we utilize this. Okay. So once we know this, okay, and we really accept it again in our body, yeah, first pillar, embodied presence, we just allow it. Then we get curious and we go, "Ah, okay." And then you start moving your body differently. And it's not something to fight against. It's something to learn and get resourceful and creative so that, of course, so that we can enjoy pleasure. Okay. And so that's really the essence of everything I share is self-acceptance and allowing pleasure, that pleasure is really, really healthy. And it's, you know, the cool thing is I like to bust a myth here. Like we actually get more erotically intelligent as we age. Because we know this, like when we were young, we were just fumbling all over the place. There was a lot of emotional interference. Hopefully as we age, a lot of that experience, experiences, if we have learned, if we're still growing, if we're still open, if we're still curious, all right, that's, we're going to make wiser decisions. Okay. So I call it like having wise pleasure because that's the second pillar. Okay. Real quick is what I call resonant communication. Okay. There's really 10 keys to that, but I'm just going to share one. Okay. And basically what it is is about creating understanding quickly so that we don't have to try so hard. Okay. And we're starting to speak the truth. And I have another story about this yesterday. Okay. Top of my mind. Cause I just talked to her yesterday. This is a new client. And she also came to one of my retreats, one of my Mystic Rapture retreats. Okay. I do another retreat called Mystic Rapture, which I'll talk about. Anyway, she was with her husband for 32 years and she still loves him. They have a really good, she loves a lot of things about him. He was like ex-military. You know, there was a lot of attraction. And she just decided over the years, she tried to bring him to some more spiritual things and he kept saying, no, no. And then one day she just drew the line and said, I gotta grow. So I meet a lot of people in this space where it's like they don't wanna give up their everything. Who wants to just like set up shop again? I mean, it's hard, right? But she was so needed to have experience, variety, and growth. And he allowed her to explore and go find herself and so forth. And she just said, well, I want, but I want Who wants to partner with me? Who wants to come with me? So, you know, that's what we are working together. And the thing, she opened up and had some experiences, but the remnants of the thing that still holds her back, because I asked her, what is it that really prevents you? Because she had a lot of people in her environment telling her, don't give up everything. Don't go. Don't, you know, you're crazy. You're nuts. You're going to lose everything. And what the heck are you doing? You know? I said, well, you gotta choose your core people. You gotta choose very carefully the people that you are listening to. That's number one. The second thing is she said there was still this voice, a thing that was preventing her. There's still this voice inside that was like, am I crazy? It's like, am I? Because her husband, even though he was open, he called her a spiritual slut. She just wanted to go and do and do and do it. You know? And she was like, No, I really genuinely have this hunger. Okay. And so, I mean, there comes a point in our evolution for some of us where we want to have resonant communication. In other words, we want to speak the truth to ourselves. We want to speak the unspeakable.

Okay.

And so she's in the middle of a journey of discovering, okay, how can I have my openness, my freedom, and also have the security and the spiritual growth that I desire? Also those sexual experiences. And, you know, it is, it is, it, what I say is like, without big risk, there is, you know, little gain. So there are times in life where that desire for growth, adventure, experience, it is really, really potent. And so my goal, my intent is to be able to do that wisely. That's why I call it wise pleasure. Because you don't want to just be reckless.

And I wonder in her circumstance whether perhaps in exploring sacred sexuality herself and doing that work herself, whether she can gently bring that into the relationship with her partner. And yes, it will gradually open up to the idea that, hey, this is actually quite a lot of fun. This is actually taking our sex life into a different and deeper place. And so maybe in doing that work, you know, sometimes I think men get dragged into these things, right, in relationships where the woman's like, I really want to do something to spice things up. And the men are like, you know, it's all working okay, let's just keep it as it is, right? And I wonder when, when a woman does do, do this, whether it actually can help deepen that connection with her partner.

Suzanne Noble Noble, absolutely. Oh my gosh. And the good part, the good news is she's doing just that. And the biggest principle that I'm guiding her with is like, hey, be gentle. You know, don't dunk all this stuff on top. I mean, think about it. You've been out having all this fun while he's like twiddling his thumbs, wondering what on earth you're up to. Like, have a little compassion here and, you know, just come in, come in gently. Right. And this is where, you know, I want to make sure, you know, I mentioned, and we have time to mention, I do, uh, I'm offering for your listeners a free breakthrough session, which I'll talk about. All right. So talk about some of the, some of the breakthroughs that can happen when you start understanding more what is, what is happening. But yeah, absolutely. That's the whole point of adventure. We don't want to end up alone and reckless. We actually want to create a really beautiful, sustainable union. I mean, that's, that's what I have. I mean, I, I like adventure, I like variety, and I love freedom. I also love the, the comfy, cozy, reliable interdependence that it takes to create a future together.

Yeah, absolutely. And I appreciate that, you know, for a lot of older people that are in long-term relationships, leaving that relationship because things have gotten stale in your sexual life can be incredibly difficult, you know, when everything else is working out okay. So it seems to me that when one person decides, okay, you know what, I'm going to do something about this, even if you want to sit and watch football on the television set, I'm just going to go out and do this. As long as the other person is comfortable with that and recognizes the benefit that it can bring to their relationship, that's great. You know, I suspect sometimes people feel quite threatened by that. And I think her husband was actually quite a generous guy to say, oh my gosh, yes, he's very, very—

well, I told her, I said, well, when you go through the Marines, that's a spiritual endeavor in my book, right? Because it's, it's quite a beautiful endeavor. So he, you know, he, he does have the intelligence. And by the way, I'll also say that that took her 5 years to, to decide that she didn't just like pick up one day and 'Oh, I'm gonna go do blah blah blah.' I mean, she'd be really finding her options and so forth. So this is not a cavalier choice, right? It, it, it, it, it can be done respectfully. And, and yeah, so you get the idea. Yeah.

So it's difficult, you know, it's, it is, it can be risky in a relationship to suggest those, that one of you goes off and explores and the other one sits at home, right? Because people can get very threatened about that. I mean, you may You mentioned your breakthrough call and I wondered, what does that look like?

Okay. Well, it's an opportunity to speak personally, of course, confidentially, and to really take a deep dive into what is working, what's not working, and where you want to go. And on that call, we do create a path forward. Okay. What does it look like to potentially work together? What things are preventing you in your relationship, whether you're seeking relationship or you're in a long-term relationship, it doesn't matter. And, and you get to really find out, they take a good honest look into what you really want. I mean, that's really the most important thing. And sometimes we don't know what we want, and it's good to have a mirror reflection to help you get clear on what's What matters most to you? And if there are things that are not working in a relationship, okay, let's take a good, clear, solid look at it and find out. All right, then. Well, what can we do about this? I'm a very practical person. I believe that one of the bennies of getting older is that we have this real urgency of time, right? We don't have the time to spend, you know, 10 years doing therapy and all that. Okay. 10 years of stirring around what, what's wrong about me, right? I like to say, and on that call, you know, like I like to delve into, okay, yeah, there's some things that are missing. There's things that aren't working. Yes. That's why we're here, why we're having this conversation. And what's right about you? What forces are we going to pull out? What version of you is the one that's going to stand up to the plate and turn this around so that you can have pleasure so that you can have a great life? Okay. Because that's what we want, right? That's what I have. That's what people, that's why people come and are willing to risk and willing to like go and roll up their sleeve and do what it takes to turn this around. Because there's one thing I know for, I've been doing this for over 30 years, Suzanne Noble, okay. And it's really true. It's going to sound trite, but like where there's a will, there's a way. We could turn anything around. Doesn't mean that you have to like put up with with, with shit that's not like god-awful. Okay. Sometimes you do need to leave a relationship and I help people complete relationships in a good way so they can get ready for a new one. There's, there is the right space for that. It's not always salvageable, but if it is salvageable, I say go all in and let's turn this around. And, and, and if you do have to walk away, at least, you know, okay, I've done everything that I could. And we're leaving as good friends. People I work with, it's like they're set up and they can go into new situations instead of being all hooked into the past.

And that's so— because many women, especially women, but also men, it's not just women. So many women in long-term relationships that ultimately leave with a sense of bitterness, I think. And feelings of, you know, just like, what was that all about? And feeling bad. And then they take all that terrible negative energy and they wander around with it for a while until, until often somebody comes along and says, hey, let's reframe this. Let's relook at it. And how much better would it be if you could walk away from your relationship with your head held high and just say, I did the best I could. We're friends. It's all good. Just wasn't meant to be. Right. Right.

Yes.

And as you say, then you take that energy of openness and availability and opportunity into the world, which makes you far more attractive to the world than the person who's walking around carrying those, you know, those big—

Right. And also, like, what I like to share, I is that the third pillar, super quick, is like we have to have a new understanding about what sexual alchemy is. Okay. And, and that's a topic I think, you know, for another conversation, but essentially we have to really rewrite our whole story that our sexuality can help us grow. Our sexuality can be a source of vibrancy and aliveness instead of like a troublesome burdens and a burden. And how do we rewrite that? It's by understanding what sexual energy really is and how do we use it with, with, with beauty and wiseness, right? And I, if I had time, I would share another story because it was fun. How much time do we have?

Extra time.

Okay. So this is another story. It was like this friend of mine, um, who I also, uh, well, just, okay. So she'd been looking, her partner, uh, had a stroke and they ended their relationship. So she's like looking and dating for, you know, 3 years. Okay. She moved here to Santa Fe where I live. And, and she just went to art classes and she just did all the stuff she loves. She went to concerts, she went to museums, et cetera, et cetera. She just put herself out. So the key is like, if you're on your own, it's like, go out, go out, go out.

Right.

And, and do what you love. So she did all that. And, but it was still, you know, man, there are no good men around. It was like, I can't find— always. So we went to this one. Acapella concert in a Gregorian church over here. And there was this guy sitting behind us, right? And then we went out after the concert to a hotel and we saw him there because we had noticed him. And she sets up a conversation with him. And long story short, after a half an hour, I said, oh, I think I'm leaving. I got to go. She goes, where are you going? And I said, no, no. So I left him alone. Long story short, he came over to our house. And they got along and they've been talking and they've been texting and so forth. And so the, and, and, and he, she said, she told me, I thought, I didn't think sex was going to be like too interesting. And honestly, he wasn't the kind of guy that I would have picked out of a crowd. Right. But there he was like lying on my bed. They had the best sex. And this was, I mean, you know, they're, they're, they're like in their seventies.

Right.

And it is like, I'm just like to share these stories because I like to gather proof and evidence that when we are open and we are curious and we are committed to growing, no matter what, right? We can and we will find people of like resonance.

Okay.

And those are like my parting words. I like to like have hope. And again, you can go on my website, AmaraCharles.com to find that. Breakthrough session. I give a complimentary to your listeners, a complimentary breakthrough session. I'm Amara Charles, and you just go on my website, amaracharles.com, and you'll find the way to sign up, or I'll send you a link and we'll, we'll take care of that. And I'd love to, you know, speak personally.

That's what— so great. Well, you're such a legend, you know. I've mentioned you, I've mentioned you to people before, and they're like, oh my gosh, she's a legend. You're really, you know, people, yeah, you're, you're doing your thing. You're out there for 3 decades helping people.

I just, I just mentioned one more thing. Like, I am walking my talk because I could just like rest on my laurels and do Kuroshka forever, but I'm interested in like, I'm doing a retreat in Costa Rica in May. It's called Mystic Rapture. It's a couples retreat, and there's so much more more that I want to give that's beyond kadoshka because I want to show couples, whatever age, how to really luxuriate and slow down and savor the pleasure and how to have these experiences of somatic sexual wisdom and take it into this luxurious, soothing, healing lovemaking in paradise. That's what Mystic Rapture Costa Rica 2025 is all about.

Mystic Raptor, Costa Rica 2025, May. Oh, I'm in Spain at the moment though, so I can't, I can't complain because I'm in Spain right now. So it's nice.

Wow, cool. We're in Spain, in Madrid.

I'm in the Grand Canaries now. I live in the Grand Canaries for the winter, so it's very, very lovely here. I've never been to Costa Rica though, and It's very tempting. Very tempting. Yes.

Yeah. Pura vida. Pure life.

It's beautiful. Now all I need to do is find somebody that wants to go there with me. So.

Are you looking? I have someone. I do.

I do.

Let's talk.

Well, but for me, in—

I'm also, my side gig is I'm a matchmaker for like awesome people.

We can go offline and talk about that. Okay. Anyway, it's been lovely to speak to you, and I'm going to publish all the information so people can check out your site and your breakthrough call and take advantage of that. And have a lovely, lovely day.

You too, my dear.