Episode 150: Tantra, Unreliable Erections, and Rediscovering Yourself After 50

Suzanne Noble: I'm very excited to welcome our new sponsor, Higher Nature, who have created Rekindle, which I'm currently trying out and is working a treat. A 100% natural libido-enhancing supplement for women, which contains clinically backed ingredients to give your sex life a boost. And who doesn't want that? This week's episode has been sponsored by Oh My Bod, shifting the evolution of pleasure. Hi, this is Suzanne Noble, and you're listening to Sex Advice for Seniors. Do you know what? I haven't spoken with anyone of the— in the tantra world For a really long time, I went through a spate of speaking to lots of Tantra people, to the point where I got concerned that I wasn't able to have a cervical orgasm. But, you know, but you could have lots of different kinds of orgasms, right? Yeah, I'm still on the fence about that. Anyway, I'm with them. I'm with someone, her name's Dakini Leah, and her business is called Living in Tantra. She's coming to us all the way from Grand Junction, Colorado, where I expect you've just woken up, right? And I've been out, I've been all across London, I've been everywhere, and now I'm a bit exhausted. And you look fresh as a daisy, I must say.

It is first thing in the morning here. I used to live in England though, so to hear you talk about gallivanting around London just kind of makes me a little homesick.

Oh, well, it's still crowded and it's still expensive and it still rains a lot.

So, like, well, but you have clotted cream and real tea.

That's true, we have all of those things. And yeah, if you want to turn into a baby elephant, you can eat them every single day and end up with a heart attack. So yeah, I can't remember the last time I had clotted cream, actually. Anyway, let's talk about your tantra life because Unlike a lot of the people I've spoken to, you actually came into Tantra not as a young woman, you know, you weren't like super young, you were, you, you got into it much later than many people. And how did all that happen?

Well, I came to Tantra at the same time that everybody else does, when it was right for me, which is what I really love about Tantra. Normally people find it on their own, and I'd hit a feeling in my marriage. And I just, I knew that there was something more. I knew there had to be something more. So I picked up a very austere tome about tantra written by John Maxwell Taylor, who's just an extremely well-educated British man. I didn't want anything that was lewd, didn't want anything with women's breasts hanging out. I didn't need to hear about hours-long orgasms. I wanted to hear about something that was real and deep and truly engaging. So I picked up this book called Eros Ascending.

All right.

And I couldn't make any sense of it.

It was like, oh my God, this is so austere.

I know that I want this information, but what do I do? So I just found John Maxwell Taylor's phone number and I called him. Oh my God. And I said, I want this information. I don't understand what you're writing. Can you just explain it to me? And he goes, well, I'll do better than that. I'll show you. And he did a meditation with me over the phone.

Wow.

I'll tell you what, Suzanne, I could feel his presence. It still gives me chills when I think about it. I could feel him reaching through the phone and, and being present with my spirit in a way that literally changed my life. I mean, everything changed from that moment, and that's when I decided, okay, I need to get trained in this.. And I, I did. I got myself trained and began practicing, um, later that year.

Yeah, I think you trained with somebody that I've had on the show actually. Was it Mari, um, Marie Simone? Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Yeah, she's the one who steered me in the direction that got me started on my training, and I ended up finishing my certification with Carla Tara. I was one of her last students. Oh wow, I feel so blessed. She comes from this ethical, beautiful healing form of Tantra lineage, and she shared her knowledge with me, and I, I just feel so honored to have been one of her last students, you know, because Tantra runs the gamut from being just a purely meditation-based practice to being just all about how much wild sex can you have.

Yeah, yeah. And that's what I've seen is that the word has become very diluted amongst— because there's so many different people that call that, you know, work under the auspices of Tantra. Like I said, I've spoken with people who have told me about orgasms I didn't even know existed. And I thought— and I felt like I was in orgasm one-upmanship land. I thought, you know, I'm never, I'm never going to be able to I'm gonna struggle really, like, I don't know about you. I mean, I'm 64, so just if I get to one, I'm, I'm super happy. Like, four or five, I was like, oh gosh, that seems, that seems like a big mountain to climb, and I'm not ready for Everest at the moment. And then I've gone to the other side, which is just really about consent and boundaries and just establishing ways of talking with your partner that make sure that you're comfortable and clear, and that you've got a framework in which to explore sexual pleasure that makes you feel both safe. And then the other sides are more kind of like meditation, breathing, you know, a much more spiritual exercise around the whole thing. So I've seen that how different people have been interpreting this. Probably I still blame Sting, right? But, you know, he was front and center and really vocal. Exactly.

Well, and Sting wasn't wrong. I mean, what he, what he shared with his partner and with the world is not, um, it's not, not tantra. It's, it's, it's just part of tantra. I mean, tantra is, tantra is a lifestyle of following your passion and your desire in full self-awareness and with no self-judgment and without, and without causing harm to somebody else. And even that last caveat is something that I've added. I mean, the original practice of Tantra is like, just go for it, doesn't matter. If you want to do it, then do it. Because when you are in full self-awareness and you don't have any judgment for yourself, then you've learned something. You've had an experience that is reflective of who you are. And that's the only way that we can experience love and give love, is when it's coming from an authentic place. And that's what Tantra really seeks to bring out. Who, who are you so that you can love and be loved in the world? That's what it's all about.

Well, that sounds like a beautiful concept, and why wouldn't anybody want that?

I don't know. The word Tantra freaks people out. They think of weird religious practices, powers long orgies, you know. But yeah, the neo-Tantra community has been quite good at marketing itself because we as a society are starved for healthy sexuality.

And I know that you have made it one of your— you've emphasized within your own practice more, you're leaning more towards supporting people over 50. And I know that when you You know, when you wrote to me, you said that one of the things that you were really keen to discuss was how Tantra can help with things like, for instance, unreliable erections, as I prefer to call them, rather than ED.

I like that.

Yeah, I just think they're just unreliable, right? They're not— so let's just, let's just take the dysfunction out of them and just talk about them for what they are, which is that they're, you know, they're not reliable. So, and, and you've said that you've worked with people to, to use Tantra to help with that. How does— how do you work with them in that way?

So, sex over 50, I believe, sex in midlife is the best sex of our lives. I truly believe that when you know how to do it. We're sold this bill of goods that once we reach a certain age, that our bodies are broken. And that's just not true. The tantric teaching is that your body's not broken. It's different. It's changed.

Yeah.

It's asking you to slow down and it's drawing you into presence. And presence, of course, is when you can gather up all of your life experiences. It's when you can be truly, authentically yourself. And in midlife we're more of ourselves than we've ever been. And that's what we're really sharing with a partner. And whoa, wow, right? Like, mind-blowing. It's not about performance anymore. It's about how present can you be, how vulnerable can you be with your partner. And so sex then becomes this beautifully co-creative fuck the rest of the world time that's just you two. And there's a universe waiting in there to be explored. And tantric practices allow us to explore that. And let me explain what I mean by that. So there's all kinds of soft lingam practices in tantra. The soft lingam is—

by lingam, we are talking about the penis.

Yeah, penis, the wand of light, right? Wow, a source of light. And it's so true, a Soft Lingam radiates presence. And when women can take that Soft Lingam, or partners, it doesn't have to be a woman, when your partner takes that Soft Lingam into the mouth, for example, Soft Lingam is what massages the roof of the mouth, which is directly connected to your pineal gland, which transduces your melatonin into first laughing gas, nitrous oxide. So you begin to feel high. You have this euphoric state. You see this in babies that are breastfeeding, right? They are stimulating that pineal gland with the nipple at the top of their mouth. It becomes a highly meditative, deeply relaxing state to be in. That's, oh my God, pleasurable. And pleasurable for him too. Yeah, he doesn't have to worry about performance. He doesn't have to be hard to be pleasuring his partner. So that's just one example of soft lingam. But then partners can become creative with that. I mean, once you know that soft lingam radiates energy, well, what are you gonna do with that? How are you gonna play with that? Yeah, yeah. Partner can feel that energy, then she can move— he or he can move in this intuitive way that's completely different than every time as you're enjoying each other. So over 50, sex over 50, when our bodies are slowing down, it gets real.

Yeah, and what I found out only recently was that, you know, when a man's cock is soft, it is still incredibly sensitive. And my partner was like, you know, when it's soft, it's like super sensitive. And I was like, really? And he's like, yeah, yeah, it's like really quite intense. Right, because I just thought, oh, it's just when it gets hard that it gets, you know, exciting, because when you see, you know, obviously when you see it becoming erect, then in your mind you're like, it's linked to arousal, right? That's what, that's what you think in your head. You're like, that happens and that means a person is aroused. But of course, he could be aroused without it being hard. And so what And so understanding that actually it's still incredibly sensitive, and you, like you said, you can still, you can play with it, you, you know that the person's experiencing incredible pleasure, is yet another way to just enjoy sex without worrying about the performance aspect of it, which I think is something that, you know, we associate especially with men and sex, right? And, and so when we remove that, like, you don't— that's not necessary. You can still enjoy yourself without the performative bit and just be comfortable, as you say, with who you are, then it takes on a completely different aspect. But do you find that because I, you know, I know from speaking to men that they associate their own enjoyment with a) the enjoyment they give their partner through being hard, right? And sometimes when that becomes less reliable, they feel ashamed that it's not working in the way that it used to. Like, how do you help men to overcome that feeling of disappointment that they might be not, you know, doing what's expected?

Right, that's such a great question, and I run into it all the time with the couples that I work with. Yeah, and the answer to that is to provide safe space for a man to express that pain. Yeah, the way that is comfortable for him to express it, because that level of vulnerability and that level of sharing for a woman who will hear it without judgment— yeah, creating a moment of intimacy between them. And that is the gold. That's where the juice is, that intimacy there. And then when she knows that and she can become aware of it, now this couple can seek out, well, what are some soft lingam exercises that we can do? Now that you know, my love, that just because I'm not hard doesn't mean that I don't desire you. Now that you know that, yeah, we can overcome that hurdle. And begin to explore some things that maybe we've never explored before.

Yeah, and I think for, you know, for so many men— and I'm speaking to, I'm speaking to people all the time. I spoke to somebody, a health professional, the other day who said it's not just older men now that she's seeing that have unreliable erections. She's seeing it at all ages, you know. She's seeing it at people under 35 now, men under 35. Maybe they've watched too much porn. She doesn't know what's going on. You know, so she's— this was a urologist saying to me that. So these sorts of issues are coming up at all stages of life, not necessarily when men are older, but often obviously more likely when, when men are older. And I know that you've, you've spoken equally about the changes that go on with menopausal women. I hear a lot from men that their partner just doesn't have a libido.

Oh, I want to talk about that. But before we jump there, can we just talk about the unreliable erection for a moment, Suzanne Noble?

Yeah, of course, please do.

Tantra has beautiful teaching around the, the unreliable erection. I'm going to steal that from you if I ever learn how to say it. It's kind of a tongue twister.

You are welcome to it. It was somebody— unreliable erection, unreliable erection.

Way, elocution. But in Tantra, that the unreliable erection is a sign, just like the gauge on the fuel indicator in your car. And the fuel gauge is working exactly the way it's supposed to, right? You want to know when the gas tank is low in your car. Well, a lingam is saying the same thing, is saying that your inner chi is low. So Tantra has these men's sexual health practices that they can use to increase their, their inner energy store. And what's interesting is lingam responds to that, and lingam becomes harder and stays harder for longer. A man feels more vitality in his body. He feels stronger. His immune system is boosted. The, um, the teaching, the Taoist teaching, is that it actually adds years onto a man's life. In the West, we need scientific evidence to say things like that, so I'd tread lightly on that one. Um, but the, and the other effect of that is full body orgasm.

Wow.

And so a man can take these practices and, and gain information from his penis. What is the penis telling me? About how I can take better care of myself.

Yeah, yeah.

So I want to put that out there. Don't be afraid if your, if your penis is unreliable erect. There are plenty of things that you can do. It's good information.

Yeah. And as he said, my, um, I actually bought The Multi-Orgasmic Man, um, by Matt McChia a while back, and I gave it to one of my kids. And when he was like an older teenager, and he said to me, why didn't you give me this book when I was like 16 years old? And I said to him, because It wouldn't even have crossed my mind to give you that book. Like, you were just, you know, at that age, you're just exploring what's going on down there. I didn't think that you wanted to become like the— like you wanted to get your PhD and that stuff when you were that age. But he was like, "This book is amazing." And he was amazed when he read it as, you know, all about the kind of energy, right? And everything that goes on. And of course, course, how you can become multi-orgasmic, and, and all this, and all the stuff that I think, um, frankly, if more men knew, they would be like, wow, I knew this thing was magic, but I didn't know. I was— it was capable of like this.

So I love that. You're such a good mom, Suzanne Noble Noble.

I don't know if my kids would admit that, but yeah, that was— but I think it was, it was interesting to read. I mean, my first exposure to Tantra was, I think it was called The Art of Sexual Ecstasy. Um, yeah, and that's like a big tome as well. I've still got my book. I mean, and that it's dense, that stuff, because I, I had a couple of Tantra partners way back when, and I have to say that those were some pretty awesome experiences. Um, but yeah, let's, let's talk about women because I, you know, I, I know that there's lots of men that say to me, as I said, just about to say was that, you know, they have no libido, they're not interested anymore. What, how do you use Tantra to support women who may be going through changes in their hormones or just feeling frankly like Maybe they just don't have the same sort of sexual energy that they had before.

Yeah, so I love this question, and I just want to say that those two books you mentioned are really good ones for your listeners to pick up.

Oh, they're amazing.

Yeah. Oh, they're amazing. So for women, when we— Diana Richardson talks about the, this concept of preserving our libido. And I think that's really important as women, that we learn how to preserve our sexual energy. And when we think about libido, let's, let's, let's talk about what that means. It doesn't mean necessarily this drive for intercourse. It means this feeling of being vitally alive in your woman's body when you can step into the fullness of your femininity for anything, whether it's you know, preparing a meal for your family or getting dressed in the morning or taking a shower, you know, whatever it is that we, that we tap into that feminine essence within us, which is so delicious.

Yeah.

And we have to preserve that because our culture requires women to really be in our masculine energy a lot. We have to multitask, we have to make decisions, we, you We have to— we feel like we have to keep up, and that's— there's nothing wrong with that, but that's the masculine energy, and it drains us. It's, it's not our natural way of being. So as women, we need to kind of pull away from that and discover some of these women's tantric practices that put us back in touch with our soft, juicy, creative, flowing side. Yeah, Tantra has all kinds of solo practices for rediscovering that in ourselves.

Yeah. And when it comes to working with, you know, with couples who, for whom that sexual dynamic has just, you know, maybe it's just not there anymore. How is there some practical tips that you have that you could suggest for how to get some of that juiciness back?

Yes. So, you know, all couples are different, and what will work for one couple is— it will be different for what works for another couple. But the first order of business is to start with yourself, is to get back in touch with who you are and what you desire. You can't really bring anything to anybody else if the light's not turned on within you. And, you know, we know this. We know this when we're first courting our partner. We turn on the light inside of ourselves, and we try to be smiley and engaged and present, right? And we do it naturally. We don't even think about it when you meet somebody new.

Yeah.

So in order to return to that feeling of, of that light, we have to come back to ourselves with, oh my gosh, have I lost touch with who I am, with what my purpose is? Have I spent time gathering up all of the experiences of my life. I'm 65, I'm 70 years old. I have all these memories. I have heartbreak. I have spiritual transition. I have grief. I have joys. I have lows. I have all this stuff that I need to integrate into who I am. So meditate and go for a walk. Do the things that you enjoy and find that that place within yourself where the light is still shining, so to speak. That's where it begins.

Diana, and I think Esther Perel talks about the mystery of seeing your partner in a way that you haven't perhaps seen them before. So she mentions about, you know, like going dancing with your partner and maybe there's some friends there and your partner starts dancing with someone else and you see them radiating joy because they're in their happy place. They love dancing, and you can see the fact that the person that they're dancing with is having a really great time, and you see that joy that they're having, and you feel, you see them with a new light. And I think there is that, that thing about familiarity breeds contempt, right? We have to be able to, be able to see our partner in their joyful place, in their joyful place. You know, I'm with somebody and he wants— he flies planes, but I've never been with him when he flies a plane. And we have a friend who is a pilot and we're talking about taking a little, or, you know, like renting a small plane, really small plane, and going to Guernsey, which is not very far, and going for lunch and then flying back in a day. And I am so, so, so, so excited about this, 'cause A, it's something I've never done before, so I'm really excited about experiencing something new. But even more than that, I really, really, really want to see these two guys doing something that I know that they absolutely love. Like, I just can't wait to see it. I just want to see this guy flying a plane. I just wanna see it because I know that Every time he talks about flying a plane, his eyes light up and he gets all super excited, you know. And I think we have to, like, to give people those sorts of gifts where we are able to go, you love doing this, like, let's make that happen, you know.

So this is Tantra all over Suzanne Noble Noble, right? Following his desire. He wants to fly a plane and you're in awareness of this. You're watching him, you're watching his face light up, you're, you're watching the light turn on within him. That's tantra. I'm sure that it kind of— I would imagine that it kind of gives you both a wash of libido. Maybe it doesn't make you want to like throw him on the airplane floor, tear his clothes off in the aisle, but you have that connection, right? That heightened feeling of, mm, yeah, this is my man and he's happy.

Yeah, I really— I mean, I want to go to Guernsey and then get a hotel and then just like have some fun. And eat some lunch and then get back in the little plane and then go back. And I think that'll be like super, super, super fun. But you know, you have to really, when you see, I think it's true of any relationship and that's, and this really, that particular example really brought that home to me. But I've been in other circumstances. When you know something that gives your partner incredible joy, and you enable that to happen, or you just are present when that's happening, that I think for me is like, that's when the light gets turned on, right? That's when it's not about like being in bed with them. It's about seeing them in their happy place, having just that moment of being fully in the place that they're so, just so in love with, right? Which is, could be anywhere. Could be out walking in nature. Could be painting, doing art, or whatever. I think the unfortunate reality, though, you know, now I'm, now I'm actually verbalizing this, is that sadly, there's, there's a lot of men out there who don't have hobbies or any outside interests because they've made work so central to their life. And often, the difficulty is when they leave work, which perhaps was their happy place, they don't have anything to fill it up with, right?

Yeah. And I imagine there's a process for a man when he identifies himself with his work and it's not there anymore. This is what is going on for me and my partner right now. He's just retired and trying to think about, okay, what do I, what do I do with my life now? What's next for me?

Yeah.

And a lot of men are facing this. And if so, what— and in walks tantra with this idea of, well, how about you explore some of your desires and your passion as a spiritual practice, as a practice that lights you up inside? Yeah, we know in our bodies— Margot Anand, who is the author of that book that you really— yeah, yeah, she's one of my favorite tantra teachers, and she says that truth is erotic. Yeah, love this. So when we step into something that is deeply true for us, if we're paying attention, we may notice that there's this wave of erotic energy that comes over us. And it may not necessarily be the drive for intercourse, but it is a light turning on. It is a radiance that kind of shoots through us for a moment. We can develop that, and Tantra teaches us that is the path forward. That's what we're supposed to be doing with our lives.

Yeah, yeah. But I think you're right. It's like you, when you get to that transitional place in your life, and for sometimes for women, it's that change into the menopause and who am I and what am I doing now and how, how am I going to manifest some sort of new type of energy when I might not be feeling as sexual, as attractive, or my body's not working as well as it used to, all of that. And for men, it's, it's where do I find my purpose? Where do I find that sense of joy that maybe I only really got from my colleagues at work, who told me I was awesome. And now I don't have that place anymore to go back to where somebody's giving me that sort of validation. Where do you go and search for that? And As you say, it's— you've, you've got to work that out. Like, it's—

you find it. You— it can be small things. It could be like, hmm, what am I looking forward to today? Well, I'm looking forward to reading my book before I go to bed. Yeah, no, I can do that now. So the key is awareness and no self-judgment and to embrace those things. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Women— I think you talked about women in menopause and feeling their bodies shutting down. Tantra encourages us to develop a relationship with our sexuality, and I, I'm all about equality and what men can do, women can do, and all that, but I believe that women have this unique ability to be in touch with our sexuality. I think that our sexuality is connected to our wisdom and our intuition and to this, this mysterious place of spirit, whatever you want to call it, whatever your spiritual tradition is. Our sexuality, women's sexuality, connects us to that in a way that's different from the men, from the way men are connected. And I keep asking my male clients, you know, can you feel God through your penis the way I can feel God, the way women can feel God through their yoni? I don't talk about my own yoni with with my clients, and they're like, no, I don't. Like, really? And then I go and do a yoni steam with my, with my clients and students, and we're all feeling this divine connection through our yonis, right? This is what's waiting for us, especially— I mean, younger women can do this too, but, but for older women, I think we have this unique ability to connect because there's more of us to connect. We have a little girl, we have the mother, we have the priestess, we have the lover, you know, we have an old lady, we have all of these expressions of ourselves through our lives. And so we can connect to our sexuality through all those expressions. Oh, it's so good, Suzanne! So good. It is such a good time of life.

No, the thing is, we're aware of all the— as he said, we're, we're we live with our ever-changing bodies. So, you know, for men, it's often that they're just bumbling through, right? Everything's working really well. And then until suddenly it's not. And then it can feel like a massive, like, you know, you've just crashed your car, right? You're just like, whereas for women, I just think it's always a bit like, oh, now I got periods and now I don't have periods and now I've got this and now I don't have this and now I've got a bit of this and, So we learn to adapt in ways I think that men don't struggle with. And as you say, we're just very much more in touch with all the stuff that's going on in our body 'cause it informs so much about who we are as women.

That's true, yeah.

And we can't get away from it because it's just, you know, whether or not you choose to have children, don't choose to have children, you know, all that sort of stuff. It's so much— it's so integral to who we are. So I think— but often I think what we do lose sight of is the fact that we— and I know there's internal ageism that goes on in this— is that, you know, we can and we are sexual beings, and we, and we can maintain that in whatever way that looks like, in whatever creative way that looks like, without thinking about the limitations that the West has summed has, you know, defined us as where we're all dried up at a certain age and things. No, fuck off. We don't have to be all dried up.

Fuck off. We're not all dried up. We're more ourselves than we've ever been if we choose to be. And we can choose to dry up. This is the vital question of aging is, will I choose to become the, the, the, the fullness of who I am? Will I choose fulfillment, or will I just kind of give up and let myself dry up? And it doesn't mean that we ignore the pain of aging. It doesn't mean that, that we say, oh well, I don't really feel that. Yes, we do. We feel the grief. I feel the grief of losing whatever Barbie doll person feeling in my body that I ever had. I don't have it anymore, and I'm I do. But I've also discovered through my tantric practice that my, my true beauty is from my inner radiance. And that is some— it's an enduring beauty, right? It's a truly beautiful beauty. It's not this fleeting external beauty. Not that there's anything wrong with a really gorgeous, curvy 30-year-old. God bless her. But the real beauty will come from who she is on the inside and how loving she can be, how, how she can integrate all of her experiences and how she can bring all those things to her partner. And that's what men really crave. And they kind of get tired of the physical beauty after a while. It's fun for a while, but what they really crave is that inner radiance that's elusive for them.

Yeah, yeah, for sure. And I think what, you know, you In closing, I think it was really interesting to hear you use the word grieving to describe that feeling when we move into this new place where we develop our own radiance and we stop relying on the external validation that we had or maybe expected to come before. Because I know that I've definitely used that word grieving for myself to describe how I've become the person that I am now and how I had to let go of the person that I was before. And that took quite a considerable amount of time, actually, when I went through that of realizing I'm not gonna get back to that anymore. I'm this new person and I have to realize what that new person looks like, accept that new person, be that new person, and be comfortable in that new person, right? But it does, it's a, there is a discomfort around all of that moving through that, that I, you know, I'm really glad you acknowledge that because I think so many people don't, frankly. They're just like, oh, you know, I was fine, I was good. You know, I used to be this and now I'm that and I'm, you know, it was all good. I didn't change the way I feel. It's like, well, that's good for you.

I don't believe you, but okay.

Yeah, but some, you know, some people do and that's great, but let's not Let's not make those of us who may have been struggling a little bit more feel somehow less than because, because we did have to go through some period of resistance and maybe change and grief and all of the stuff that comes with moving into this place, you know, in, in later life. But anyway, you You know, as you said, it's, it's, it's, it's a great place to be. It's an, it's an awesome place to be once you embrace it.

Yes. And it's a process to get there, of being brave, of being courageous. And a therapist is a wonderful resource in this time of life as you're making that transition, because a lot of people don't know these emotional skills. They don't know how to handle grief. They don't know how to confess it in a way that they're not ashamed of. They don't know how to tell their partner about it. And a lot of partners don't know how to hear it. They want to cover it up. Oh honey, you're okay. You're just as beautiful as you ever were to me. And, and you're like, no, listen to me. I am upset about this. I'm grieving. And I just need you to acknowledge that. That's all you have to do. So there's some skills that we can learn but skill everybody can learn it if we want to—

yeah absolutely 100% I couldn't agree with you more anyway it's been so awesome great talking to Susan noble!

And I don't feel like we talked a lot about sex per se but for listeners who want more of that um Pick up—

there's always another episode. There's always another episode. And you're— and I know that you've got a free resource that's on your website for over 50s of 3 wonderful things or something like that.

It was like, it's a booklet that it's a free download people can download, and it has tantric exercises that you can try tonight and see how they transform you. Oftentimes in tantra, just tiny little changes will open the door to incredible experiences.

That is so true, and I know that to be a fact. Have a lovely day, have a lovely day in Colorado, and I'll post all your websites and people where people can get your free download and all that kind of stuff. And you must come back on, and then we'll talk about sex more.

All right, I'm all over it. That sounds great, Suzanne. Much love to you. Thank you so much for being a big, bright, shiny light in this world where there's so much darkness. You are a real gem.

Oh, thank you.