Episode 61: Why the Golden Bachelor is Bold TV

I am Suzanne. I am Zoe, and you are listening to Sex Advice for Seniors. And welcome to all our new listeners who joined us after last week's very intoxicating episode about blowjobs, for which we had more comments than any other episode. And we went to a few chart positions on different podcast charts, um, I suspect because lots of people want to hear old ladies talk about, um, giving head. And why wouldn't they? Why wouldn't they? So yeah, now we're famous. Internet famous. No, we're not really, but we will be eventually. We will be. So we thought today, we thought today we would tackle the topic of reality TV and the, this wave of TV programs that have suddenly appeared to do with older people and dating. Um, that was prompted by a show that's come out this week called Golden Bachelor, which you have watched, Zoe.

I have episode 1. We met all of the women who showed up to date, um, this bachelor named Gary. Um, he is a widower and he is absolutely lovely. What a charming man, really. So, um, honest. And he has 3 daughters and they're just, um, they're so supportive of him. He had a really sad story. He moved, um, he and his, his late wife bought their dream home right on a lake, and they were so excited. They moved in, they got all their boxes moved in, and she, uh, almost immediately started to become ill. And they didn't know what it was, and it looked like a flu, and she felt like crap. And then she— about, I don't know, a week later, it wasn't getting any better, and he said, I'm taking you to the doctor. And it turned out she had a, a systemic infection. They don't know exactly where she got it from, but she was septic. And within a week after she went to the hospital, she died. She never came out of the hospital.

Oh my God.

And here he is in this, in their dream home with all of their boxes, like, you know, and just devastated. They have him talking in the beginning of the show and he gets teary. And he's just lovely. And this was a few years ago, so he has taken some time to heal. And, and then I guess he saw the advertisement for the Golden Bachelor, and he, and he applied. His daughters, he talked to his daughters, and they were very, very supportive. And here he is. And He's just really could not be more attractive in it, like inside and out, you know. It's not just looks. Um, and he is—

and why do you think it is that he hasn't, like, in this period of time he hasn't met somebody else? Because as we know, like, these widow guys, good-looking widow guys, are, uh, they are the ones that you want to get when you're an older person, right?

Because they're not Right.

Normally they get snapped up. Like, why didn't the guy get snapped up? What was he doing, hiding under a rock?

Well, you know, I think he was healing. Yeah, recovering from the death of his, of his lifelong mate. Um, and so I, I, from the way they tell it, and who knows what happens in real life, but from the way they tell it um, he saw this advertisement for The Bachelor and he just— and that opportunity came up and it prompted him to say, maybe I'm ready.

Ah, interesting. So now there's a whole bunch of chicks that want to be with this guy and he's got to find out if he wants to be with any of them. Is that the premise of this?

That's the premise. That's the premise of The Bachelor, if anybody, you know, has not does— has never seen The Bachelor, that's exactly the premise. Usually it's these young people who are, um, all of them are always extremely attractive and done up, you know. And, um, and so there's a bachelor or a bachelorette, the reverse. They do bachelorette season as well. So the one person, um, is choosing between, you know, 30 people.

Oh my God.

And then they whittle it down. Um, at the end of every episode, there's a rose ceremony and you hand out roses to the people that you would like to stay. And it's a big— that is a very tense moment. And there's always a lot of tears. And, um, yeah, so it's very— I would say usually people are in their 20s and 30s.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, always.

And, uh, and, uh, Gary rather is in his 70s. I think he's 72 or 73.

Wow.

Yeah, and the women are all in their 60s and 70s, and they're all living in a house together.

Is that it? Like, are they all— they are? Yeah. Okay.

Yes. Um, I think the bachelor has his own area or his own house. He might live in a guest house on the property. Yeah. And sometimes, you know, it all got shaken up during the pandemic.

Yeah.

And so many of those seasons that happened during the pandemic happened in a resort that wasn't the Bachelor Mansion, which is located in Los Angeles. The Bachelor Mansion, somebody's actual real house, and they, and they actually move out for the taping of the season and then move back in. And the production packs away, they move them out, they move all the furniture out and store it and then move it all back in and make the house back the way it was.

Amazing. That's crazy. I mean, I think it's so interesting that the, for so many reasons. One is obviously we're starting to see, like, we've got the show My Mum, Your Dad here where there's more, there's more, um, couples being created rather than just one. Um, I don't think they're quite that old. They seem to be, from the episodes that I've seen clips of, seems to be people in their kind of 50s. I think so anyway. Um, and the kids are kind of goading these— the kids get together and watch collectively whilst their parents are, are, you know, are getting you know, together or doing stuff. So there's this sort of double-sided thing that happens where the kids are watching their parents and talking to their, their peers about their parents and their own relationships to their parents. So I think it's slightly different, but in terms of a format, but nevertheless, I think it's really interesting that we are now accepting the fact that somebody in their 70s can date, can have, can have a sex life, can get married again, right? It's not— the kids aren't going, oh, but that was the love of your life, Dad, and I don't see you ever being with anybody. They're, they're going, no, I want you to be happy and I want you to, to do that. And I think that's, that's really quite a societal shift.

Yeah, I, I think so too. And I think that it's, um, I mean, they even the Golden Bachelor, um, kissed a few women on camera, like lovely nice kisses, like making out. And it's really— I mean, I'll tell you something, it's— you don't see that very often on TV. You just don't. It's almost like— I mean, there is this sort of cultural narrative historically that old people don't have sex.

Yeah, that's right. Yeah, it's kissing on television. Like, amazing, really.

Yeah.

And yeah, nobody's going like, "Ick!" which is unbelievable.

Somebody might be going, "Ick!" But I think, you know, I actually, I don't know, I should have looked it up before we started recording today, but it's very popular. Like people are really, really watching this, uh, this season, uh, because everybody's so curious. And, um, and it's also, you know, they're different. The, the people act differently than, than the youngsters that are on The Bachelor. Um, there's a lot more dignity and compassion, and I mean, we'll see as the season progresses. You know. Um, but for the most part, I thought that it was lovely and heartwarming, you know, to watch people, these people.

Definitely. And, and there's also the sense that for older people, when they go on these shows, it's not because they got— want to be internet famous, you know. They're not looking to be the next Instagram influencer and make $100,000 a day or whatever. They're actually people who are genuinely keen to meet somebody and are using this very unusual vehicle, the TV, to do it. I think it's enormously brave and also making themselves so vulnerable when for so many people that I know, they really are reluctant to be that vulnerable. Vulnerable in public, you know. It's quite, it's quite a diff— it's quite a brave and bold move to do something like this.

Yeah, I agree. Um, and one of the things that I think obviously is different is that by the time you're in your 60s and 70s, you're not— I mean, it's important to be physically attracted to your partner, Sure, but you're not basing your, um, your choices on the physical appearance nearly as much. Yeah, he talks a lot about how he's looking for that spark. The host asks him, um, you know, like, what, what, what are you looking for? What is, what is it that you're, you're keeping an eye out for? And he said, I just, he He said, you know, there's that look, that connection that you have when you look into each other's eyes. He said, it's like, he said, I'm really hoping to find that. And you can see him connecting with a couple of the women in that way. Like, it's really sweet. So what they do is he stands in front of the mansion, and one by one, these limousines pull up. And there are a group of women, I think, in each limousine. It's not, you know, there aren't like 30 or 40 limousines. But so a group comes up, but one at a time the women come out and they walk up and they introduce themselves. And, um, and they have— I think they're coached to have like a little bit of a gimmick or something. Like one woman, one woman led him in her mindfulness, um, sort of routine, and they breathed and they bleeped out. I think she like she, she sort of breathes in, and on the exhale she says, fuck. And he did it with her. They bleeped it out, and it was, it was cute. It was funny. Um, and one woman flashed him. She had like a coat on, and she like opened it and flashed. Like, so it's a little bit silly and a little bit contrived, but It is TV and we do need to have an entertainment factor. And then they go in and they have a cocktail party and then you get to see him mingling and lots of conversations and sweet moments of connection. And then he hands out, you know, a certain number of roses. And then some women say their goodbyes who didn't get picked. And, and now we're off. I'm, I'm looking forward to tomorrow night. It's on Thursday nights in the States.

Wow. I mean, I think it's— this is my idea of hell. I remember going once to a singles event that a friend of mine was organizing. It's quite glamorous. And I remember walking into this room, which was significantly more women than men, significantly. And I looked at this sea of women who were mostly blonde you know, bleach blonde, mostly, you know, in really good shape, and some with clearly a bit of augmentation going on. And I just remember looking at that room and thinking, this is like, this is like a dating app for real. This is my competition that I'm seeing. Like, normally we don't see our competition because they're off. Yeah, the guys are swiping and doing stuff. So like, to have a show where essentially you're competing against other women for the attention of a man— oh my gosh, there's so much wrong with that.

Yeah, well, it— I mean, there are a lot of people who feel like The Bachelor is terrible. For that reason, like terrible. And people behave really badly. I mean, it's very, um, bitchy and sneaky. Yeah, it can. I mean, and people are, um, you know, you put all these people that are living together, it's not even like they're living separately, but they're actually living together for I don't know how long it takes, a month or two. Yeah, several weeks.

Yeah.

And, um, and so it— I'm very much looking forward to seeing what happens when the women who are living together are older and have—

Yeah, exactly.

Yeah, exactly. I mean, you know, it's not that every older woman is— behaves well. No, you know, um I don't know. It'll be really fascinating. Um, the other piece of it is, is that they have overnight dates at the end. The last 3 contestants left, um, have overnight dates, like where they have a dinner and then they can spend the night together. Now, you don't always have sex when you spend the night together, and for the first many, many, many seasons they would say, um, they wouldn't talk about it. We wouldn't really know. We— yeah, yeah, left to our own imagination what they did in there. And I always felt like probably most of the people just spent the night talking and getting to know each other better off camera and, um, and probably didn't have sex. But there were some people who did have sex. It came out in the tabloids and, uh, and, uh, or, and People magazine, which is tabloid light. Um, and, um, and then it was a big conversation. And then there were some bachelors who would say, who said, I'm— one recent one said, I'm not gonna have sex in the, in the fantasy suite, or I'm just putting it out there, no sex. And then he broke his own rule. And so then he created this mess. Yeah, it was awful. And one of the, one of the bachelorettes said, you made that decision for me, like the, the not sleeping. The, the, the front runner said, you took my agency away from me by telling me that I wasn't gonna have sex. And it was an interesting conversation. Um, I appreciated the, the sort of opportunity to watch that play out, even though it was sort of horrifying and messy and, um, yeah, for sure, humiliating for all of the people involved to be talking about sex there, whether or not they had sex in the fantasy suite on national television.

Um, yeah, and again, look, this is an older man, right? I mean, let's be honest here, most men in their 70s may have some aspect of— not obviously, not all of them, but there may be some sexual dysfunction, possibly. There might be some issues with some of the women, possibly, right? Like, we've spoken to enough people around sexual health and what goes on in later life and everything. I mean, it's such a huge topic, and I don't know you know, how many of these women, what they're looking for, right? I mean, they're not looking to procreate, they're not looking to have babies, they're not looking for any of that. Some of them might not be looking for a sexual relationship, some of them might want a sexual relationship, right? But, or some degree of it, and we don't know how, we don't know. I mean, you know, one of the things that always strikes me at this age, and okay, we're probably a bit more out there than many other people in this regard. But this is the time of life where you can make decisions about how you want to have your relationships, you know. Now, this guy's had probably a loving, monogamous relationship, and now he's in a, in a house with 30 women, some of whom may not have been monogamous, some of whom may have done some crazy shit, right? I mean, I'm assuming any good casting director is going to find 30 women with a very diverse range of experiences, some of which may blow this guy's mind and other parts of his body, right?

So one of them hanging out with Prince and was the, um, and was the— I can't remember which song it was. He wrote a song, she inspired a song, Sexy Not Little Red Corvette, no, no. Um, I can't remember which one. Um, but she, she was like, you know, a contemporary of Prince. I think she lived in Minneapolis in that area. And, um, and she, she was dressed very— I mean, she looks way younger than she actually is. She's 61, I think. Yeah, or 60 or 61. And she was wearing like kind of a strapless mini dress, you know, very sort of sexy, something that she might have worn when she was 30. And she seemed lovely and nice and so far, but she, you know, and then, then they had very sort of conservative looking women with white hair, you know, that looked very different, very different ilk.

Yeah.

So it's very— it's fascinating. And I think, you know, one thing that really— that I loved is that as he was standing in front of the mansion receiving all these women one by one, the angle that they were shooting, at least half the shots, revealed his hearing aid.

Oh, interesting.

And it made, like, it made me so— it, that to me, I mean, maybe I'm not typical, but I, it made me attracted to him. Like, I love that. It's so real and so not what the younger version presents, you know. Yeah, yeah, yeah. They're augmented, most of them. Maybe that's not fair, but a good number of them are augmented. And tanned and enhanced in various ways. They're also not a variety of women. They all look like they sort of— some of them in the past, in the younger version, some of them have been concert pianists and some of them have been dental assistants and some of them have been marketing executives and some of them have been secretaries and some of them have been influencers, but they are all dressed and done up in a very similar way. And so it was really nice to see the breadth of, of individuality, you know, in the older women.

But then the flip side that I'm curious to see, and just being totally cynical, so, you know, my experience with men, similar kinds of men who have been in very long relationships and maybe their partner died, or what, or, you know, or something tragic happened, or they're not there anymore, whatever, is that, um, once they've, once they've gotten past that, quite a few of them, um, yes, they may be presented with a load of, of lovely women who, who present in all different ways, but I'm curious to see whether this guy ends up with the one that he says he has the spark with, or the one that he's most physically attracted to right now.

Yeah, right.

Because my experience is that they will immediately— that the, the lower half of the body does have some degree of power at this early stage of the relationship. And maybe making irrational decisions for a period of time until—

It's very— I mean, it's very—

Until the rational brain kicks in and goes, God, I mean, I know she's gorgeous, but fuck, she's boring, or whatever, you know? Yeah.

I feel as though all of these women are pretty attractive.

Right.

And none of them are— it would be— what would be interesting— I mean, I'm not proposing this, it would be horrible, and, and I would be furious if they did this, but it would be interesting if they had some 40-year-olds mixed in.

Yeah, yeah, right.

Yeah, that's what I think would be fascinating to see, you know, what each— but that would just be like— nobody should be subjected to any of that. It's not a suggestion. I'm not suggesting that. I'd be up in arms. I'd be writing network. But, um, but that would be, that would be very curious. You know, at the end of the, of that opening night cocktail party, he gives, um, this is in every season, there's a first impression rose.

Yeah.

And he gave the first impression rose to a woman who is, she's in her 60s, um, she has a She had a guitar with her. She was playing music and she's a DJ. She's like a DJ on a radio station and then she has her own. And it was, you know, they had a connection for sure. Yeah, yeah, yeah. She wasn't my front runner. She wouldn't have gotten my first impression rose, but she was lovely and sort of halfway between. She was one of the a more down-to-earth, real, very pretty woman, but, but sort of like, um, um, natural looking.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. I mean, the— you know, a guy that I'm hanging out with has said that he's been, uh, he goes on, you know, sites looking for women in their 50s and 60s, and he says there's just not very many of them. He says that most of the women that he gets presented to are in their 40s. So I think there's also something from a, you know, there is something to be said for a guy in his 70s looking for somebody in their 50s and 60s in this way, because maybe more women are likely to come forward in this way than they would be in some other ways. I don't know. I mean, it's, it seems like there's not— there's a lot of women in your, in their 40s that are still kind of quite keen to meet people. And then, and then there is a bit of a drop-off. Certainly I know amongst my friends there's a lot of people who just don't want to meet a guy. They're just not interested anymore. They're just not that bothered, you know. So they just think it's all too much of a pain in the neck. So I think it's, you know, from that point of view, it's also just quite interesting that they've managed to round up all these people who are keen to be on television. But I guess that's the States, you know, there's— because, um, here, like I said, they, they seem to be a bit younger, on the younger end. Um, and yeah, and it's more like a family kind of— the whole family is sort of involved in the, in the matchmaking in a way. They're not really involved, the parents are still doing the matchmaking, but the kids are commenting on their parents' choices and, oh, you know, and what— and a bit of their backstory. And so filling in some of the blanks that might be going on there. But I think, you know, look, overall, I, I, I actually, with Peter, we, we went to— we were contacted by a casting director about being like a dating expert on a similar type show that I don't think got commissioned. So clearly there's an appetite for these kinds of programs now, and I suspect if these shows are popular, we're just going to see more of them. Because if the viewing figures reflect that people want to watch a bunch of old people dating and getting it on, then they'll just give us old people dating and getting it on.

Yeah, yeah.

And we are the TV viewers, let's face it. I mean, more old people watch TV probably than younger people.

Yeah.

So they're just reflecting back on who's watching telly, really.

Yes, for sure. And I suspect, I predict that this is going to be a brand new leg of the franchise. I think that it's— there's— we're gonna have Golden Bachelorettes, we're gonna have— I think it's probably going to be very popular, and that I'm thrilled about. Um, you know, I have some reservations for— before you start blowing up my inbox about how, uh, miserable and sexist and, uh, sensationalized The Bachelor is. I get that. And if we're going to have that form of entertainment, which clearly we are. It's been decades. Um, might as well have it represent a broader swath of the population.

And yeah, yeah, I mean, like you said, it's— it'll be interesting to see how older women navigate this potential minefield of competing for a man's attention, how much they choose to bond between themselves and sort of in a camaraderie, like whoever gets him gets him, and let's just have fun here and not worry too much about whether we're going to end up with this guy at the end or not. Because like, it's, you know, it's as much about them as it is about him, right? I mean, not all— yeah, these women aren't going to all want to be with him, and probably some of them are going to have one date with him and just think, oh, you're fucking boring, I don't want to be with you, or, well, I'm not attracted to you.

That's the thing that's always so interesting with the Young version, which is the only one we've watched play out so far, and that is that it feels to me like inevitably these people, whether the— whether it's the men vying for the bachelorette or the other way around, the person who they're going for, who's making the choices, is, um put on a pedestal. And these— and these, for simplicity's sake right now, I'm going to talk about it as The Bachelor. So the women that are, are vying for this guy's affection, um, they act like always, every season— I haven't watched every season, but I've watched enough of them to know that they constantly think that he is— nobody's ever— none of the contestants, the women— what am I trying to say here? The women don't show up and have a date and say, uh, you're boring. Yeah, it's always that they want to be there, that they want this guy. And it's— that's something that is not realistic at all. No, I mean, just because he's the Bachelor and you want to— is it that you want to win the thing?

Yeah, this—

you think this is the person of your dreams? Like, statistically, that's impossible.

No.

So it is a little bit, um, I just— I, I sort of suspect that it might go different when they're older.

Yeah. And wouldn't that be awesome if it did? Wouldn't that be great if like a woman turned up and said, uh, do you know what, I'm not really feeling it? Like, it sounded, you know, he looks good on paper, but we just didn't have any connection. And I'm gonna go home to my cats and my family and all my, my friends and all the shit that I was hanging out with quite happily doing before. And, uh, yeah, that one's just not for me. I mean, I think that would give them so much power, and it would give them— and it would give a different dynamic to the whole thing and also make people recognize, you know, we've got a choice here. Like, yeah, it's not all about this guy. Of course he's, you know, he's the center of attention and I understand that, but, you know, we've all got a choice. At the end of the day, we've all got a choice. We can walk away, we can say yay, we can say no, whatever we want, you know. And, and I think that will be interesting. I'm I'm interested to see if that's what happens, because that'd be awesome. I'd love a woman to say, eh, not really feeling it.

Yeah. Historically, a handful of people have gone home, have chosen to leave, but there's always an excuse of like, I have a kid, I can't let her go, or, you know, like, I need to get back to my job, and I can't afford to lose— you know, it's never— they've never, to my knowledge, They haven't had a conversation ever where someone, male or female, says to the lead, um, I'm not feeling it. Best of luck. I think you'll do great. You've got great women here, and I'm, and I'm, I'm out.

I'm out, right? Also, that woman becomes so much more attractive, right? Immediately the unobtainable one suddenly goes up about 500 notches.

Right?

So, so I'd love someone to just use that as a tactic, like, no, no, but I really like you, please stay. Nah, actually, I'm really gonna go. I'm out, I'm out, I'm out. I've got, I've got better things to do than this. You're not, yeah, you're not really my type. I thought you were, but no, you're not. So yeah, yeah. Or yeah, your feet are small, or whatever. That's just a joke, by the way. I'm not sexist or, or anything when it comes to feet. Anyway, it's been lovely talking about the Golden Bachelor, and I'm looking forward to catching up with you next week when we're not going to talk about that. We are going to— it's not next week, it's week after that we've got Caroline, I think. Um, yeah, it's the week after that. We are— next week we're going to talk about when Zoe decided to visit a domme. And I have no idea what happened, and we're going to find that out. So stay tuned. And Zoe, go and get yourself better because she's not feeling too well.

Yeah, I'm a little under the weather, but I'll be, I'll be good in a couple days.

All right, bye folks.

Bye-bye.