Extended Massive Orgasms with Steve Bodansky

This week's episode has been sponsored by Oh My Bod, shifting the evolution of pleasure. Hi, this is Suzanne Noble, and you're listening to Sex Advice for Seniors. And if you've been following me for any length of time, You may know that I have something of an issue around how many orgasms a person is capable of having. My view being that there's one main one, and then there's a lot of other ones that feel good, but I don't know necessarily constitute for me what is the kind of big one, which is my sort of like clitoral orgasm. But I know that lots of people have opinions on this, lots of people, and I've had lots of really interesting conversations with people working in tantra primarily, who have told me about cervical orgasms and G-spot orgasms and full-body orgasms. But my guest today is a guy called Steve Budansky, and he's pretty much made his reputation from looking at his, at his website by writing in many, many books around what he calls extended massive orgasm. And I, I just want to get my teeth into this one. So welcome, Steve, to Sex Advice for Seniors.

Yeah, I don't think there's any limit of orgasms. I mean, when I was a kid, I was kind of a crybaby, and my mom said, if you keep crying now, you're gonna run out of tears. So I didn't cry after that. So, but then I found out that wasn't true. So maybe the same thing with orgasms, I think, is there's an unlimited amount.

But you're, but you're, what you specialize in is this thing that you've, the acronym EMO, that's right, right?

I can tell you how it started.

Yeah, I want to know, Steve.

Go for it. Okay, so, anyhow, my wife, we both lived in this commune. In California, and they taught courses on sensuality and extended orgasms. They didn't call it that. They just called it orgasm.

Yeah.

Or the fundamentals course. And they did demonstration. You had to study for a while in order to pass it, and you had to be able to perform this in front of people for an hour. Wow. Okay. And Vera saw that in 1976. Wow. I want to learn how to do that. So she took courses and she, by the time I arrived, I arrived in 1979, I was like one of her favorite practice persons. She's married, but she needed a lot of practice persons back then because guys' arms can get tired. So it's all manual stimulation that I did. I mean, you can have it other ways, but manual stimulation is the most efficient way to do it. Suzanne Noble. So she got her, she became certified with her husband and then he passed away and we got married a few years later. And I also became certified. So we did demonstrations together and then we left the commune and we went on our, actually we started another group in San Francisco. We taught about 5 other people this technique, and we taught courses like that. So it still wasn't called Extended Massive Orgasm yet. It was just— I think we called it the OIC course, Observation of Intense Cumming.

Yeah, I think Extended Massive Orgasm is better, frankly.

Yeah. So we broke up with them, uh, and then So then we created a video and we called it the DEMO. And the DEMO was an acronym for Demonstration of an Extended Massive Orgasm. You know, it could have been elongated or it could have been, you know, yeah, multi or, you know, or the orgasm, the O is still going to be there. And then I wrote a book about you know, about how to pleasure a woman, basically. Also some about pleasuring men too, but mostly about pleasuring women. That's my expertise, and that was my wife's expertise. We were a good combination. And, uh, so we submitted to the first publisher, and they liked the book, but they wanted— I'd call it The Art of Sensuality, that's my title. And then they saw that I— we taught this course called the Extended Massive Orgasm demonstration of an extent. He said, let's call the book this. So I said, whatever you want, you know, I've never written a book before. Yeah. And, um, so maybe scared a few people off, but I think attracted a bunch of people too for that name. Anyhow, we got a lot of publicity at the same time because we were talking to some women's group in New York, some elite women, but powerful women back then. This is like 1999, I think, or '98, '98 maybe. It was before the book came out, and she wanted to put it in The New Yorker magazine, the article, but they kept saying, well, it's a little too racy for us. So finally there's a magazine called Talk magazine. I think Tina Brown started.

Oh yeah, yeah, yeah.

I think it lasted 2 years, but it was a great magazine, and they accepted her article about a year later.

Yeah.

And our book came out at the same time the article came out. I think it's called The One Hour Orgasm or pictures of Vera, you know, in orgasm. They sent like a photographer over.

Oh, did they? Did they have to put little circles over the areas of the body that people are—

Oh, they didn't show her face. I think they didn't show the genitals.

Oh, okay.

So anyhow, so we got— the book was a big hit because of that, because publicity. And they want to write a second book and we called it the other— they want— I know what to write. I said, I write everything that I know in this one book, you know.

Yeah.

So come up with something. So I said, how about questions and answers? We can do that. I'm good with— I like that. So that's good, maybe part of the book. So they said, how about the illustrated We'll do illustrations. So we took a whole bunch of photographs and then we had, we found this really good artist and he drew from the photographs and he made, so I described it and also, you know, like the Joy of Sex kind of thing.

Well, you know, illustrations-wise.

Yes. I mean, I don't know if you see some pictures in the background.

I can. Yeah. They, well, they have a kind of Joy of Sex vibe to them. And can I ask, because obviously you've been doing this for a significant period of time.

Forever.

Yeah. And how old are you at the moment?

Let me see. I'm 76, I'll be 77 in February.

Oh, cool. So obviously you and your wife have been practicing this for a, for a long time. And I'm curious to know if—

passed away 2 years ago.

Oh, did she? Oh, I'm sorry to hear that.

She wasn't in an orgasm, but She got dementia or Alzheimer's. I wrote a couple of books about that too. Suzanne Noble, I was an author and I started writing. So I've written all kinds of books, novels and poetry books and memoirs. But anyhow.

Before she got dementia and when she was clearly an older woman, was the technique something that she was still able to achieve this, this incredible orgasm.

Yeah, she was doing demonstrations until, you know, the mid-2000s probably. And then we still did personal sessions and she would— I would demonstrate on her for the clients and, you know, with my hands.

So you didn't see a change in her, um, in, in, in her ability to get aroused and in her ability to have the same quality of orgasms as she'd had when you were clearly much younger, that they— Yeah, they didn't change.

I mean, each orgasm is different, but I don't say it changed a whole lot until probably the last 3 years.

Yeah.

And then, and then I think you kind of digress with your age when you have Alzheimer's. So she's more like my baby. And, you know, but I still like when I kissed her, she can get off really. She was like so conditioned to getting off.

Yeah.

I kissed her or I hug her. I can feel her having, you know, throbbing in her genital area. I could feel a contraction.

Wow.

But I didn't like take her pants off.

No.

Maybe 2 years, for the last couple of years.

Yeah. Yeah. And so you say that it's just manual. And I read that It's not just manual, but that's what we demonstrate. Yeah. And how— so I've had what I would describe as tremors throughout my entire body when I'm having what I, what I is, what is clearly a clitoral orgasm. Like afterwards, there's quite a lot of tremors. Doesn't last for an hour, but, you know, it lasts for some significant period of time. How does the How would you say, and you mentioned as well, I should get to this second, really, but how does the orgasm differ from what we would consider to be like a clitoral orgasm? Do you still get that rush?

I would say it is a clitoral. It is a clitoral. Oh, it is. Yeah. You have to learn how to pleasure the clitoris. That's the basis, really.

So would you say it's similar to what some people in Tantra call riding the wave?

Yeah, I mean, yeah, I've called it that. I'm not about riding the wave, but like, yes, kind of like that. Yeah, yeah, like a surfer. I've compared to, you know, somebody surfing.

Yeah. So it's a kind of feels— I'm just trying to get a sense here of like, you know, putting those three words together, extended massive orgasm. I'm just trying to understand, like, for people who are listening, what would they expect to feel?

Well, well, a lot of people, a lot of women, I'm going to say, imitate men. And men kind of tense up and tense up and tense up and harder and faster. And then squirt, squirt, squirt, and it's all over.

Yeah.

A lot of women imitate that.

Yeah.

So they tense their bodies up. And they're not relaxed.

Yeah.

In order to have this extended orgasm, you have to have it relaxed and you have to just put all your attention to feeling.

Yeah.

Just like, you know, like in Star Trek, you know, the power to the shields. No shields at all, you know. Relax.

Yeah, so there's no force fields is what you're saying. There's no force fields. It's just—

And the person who's doing it can be a woman or a man pleasuring them, who's using hands. You don't need a penis for this.

Yeah.

And, um, they have to control. And what they do is what I call— we call peeking.

Yeah, that's like edging.

Yeah, probably.

Yeah.

Yeah. So you bring somebody to a certain point, and before they start going down, you deliberately bring them down by either changing the stroke or stopping touching them.

Yeah.

And by doing that, you take control. See, the person who's doing it wants to be in control, and the person receiving wants to surrender to pleasure. And if both people are playing their roles right, then you can have a whole lot more fun than if everybody's trying, not knowing what their role is. And once you get that going, then you can add the other stuff in too.

Yeah, so, yeah, so what I'm getting a sense of is it's sort of, it's, you know, look, different, different, different modalities use different words, I think, to describe very similar.

Probably. Yeah, I'm just not familiar with those types of feelings.

So, you know, like, yeah, like in the kink community, they say edging. In the tantra community, they say riding the wave. Right. And you call it extended—

Peaking. Peaking.

Peaking. And you call it peaking. And I get that because I have to say that I was capable of doing that with a person that had experience when I was in my 40s. But I'm not certain I would be able to do that now with the lack of estrogen and all other stuff that goes on, just because my sensitivity is not the same as it was back then. And there is a— I don't know, have you been—

self-pleasure?

Yeah, but only with a vibrator, really.

That also detracts from your ability to feel with the hand.

Yeah, but it's true that as we age, the larger nerves start to deteriorate. And I don't know, with—

with their You know, I don't think it deteriorated. And she, I mean, she was into her 80s and she was still getting off like a banshee.

Yeah.

And we taught women who were, you know, in their 70s, 60s, even some people in their 80s too, probably low 80s. Yeah.

And you say that it's more common.

Once you're 90, forget it.

Well, I don't know about that, but I think I spoke to a woman, a sex therapist, a few weeks ago who's in her 80s, and she said that between— that sex changed for her between 80 and 84. So I— and I thought she said it was much different than in her 70s, and I thought that was, that was interesting that she noticed even in the later— in those later years that there was still differences in quality. How did it change?

Did it get less intense or more intense?

Well, she's her partner was, you know, less able to have penetrative sex. So different kinds of things. So the type of sex that they had changed. The quality of her orgasm, she said, didn't really change, but the type of sex they had changed. But you said that this is primarily something that's done with— for women.

Well, no, I mean, Suzanne Noble.

Yeah.

Yeah, I mean, I wrote a book fairly recently called Self-Pleasure, and I described a woman self-pleasuring and a man self-pleasuring, plus a lot of biological stuff and a lot of psychology and philosophy. It's quite interesting, but it started off that I was going to write about just the orgasm and, you know, and how to do that to yourself, but the book developed into this philosophical book. So I think it's pretty interesting, you know, a lot of Buddhism and what self— the self really is, you know, is there a self to self-pleasure?

Oh, interesting. And, and so with men, it's because men have been doing edging for like, it's a, it's a fairly common thing. Well, I don't know if it's common, but it's, it's, you know, I know lots of men who enjoy edging.

Yeah.

Right.

And yes, so men can have extended orgasms too with that technique.

Yeah.

Also, um, and a woman also can turn on just by putting attention on her genitals. Like, you can sit there right now, you know, kind of spread your legs open, just feel the air, you know, and just— if you— the more you put your attention there, you can actually feel some pleasure there.

Sure.

It's like the beginning of an orgasm. The more you can do that, the more you do that, the more you practice that, the better you become at it. And also I had the thought that as far as intercourse, it's very important to get a woman engorged and turned on and orgasmic before you stick it in if you're a guy.

Sure.

Because a lot of guys will just want to go stick it in as soon as they get hard, you know. Yeah, wait until you get her up, you know, to a place where she really wants it and really desires it, then it's cool. And then she'll feel a whole lot more. Actually, your clitoris moves a lot once you come in gorge. Your clitoris moves a lot closer to your introitus, your opening. So it's, you know, it's a way of having— some women don't have orgasms with intercourse, but if they practiced, you know, our techniques, then they will have a better possibility of having, you know, coital orgasms too.

And, and you, you mentioned that when you met your wife, she was married to somebody else and you were a practice partner. For me, it's quite important, and I think for lots of women actually, that, you know, the mind and the body are working together. So, you know, I— it's hard for me to have somebody that I, that I'm not attracted to or that I don't have any relationship. Yeah. So, but did she have practice partners that she wasn't attracted to? I mean, yeah, yeah.

So she viewed it as like the guru The guy who taught us, the guru of the place, he told her like, um, you should be able to get off even if your orangutan was doing you.

Yeah, see, I struggle with that because I think that for women, a lot of what goes on with our bodies is so connected to what goes on in our mind.

But you don't need it. You don't need extra partners. This was a lifestyle that we were living at the time.

Sure.

And, um, A lot of our clients, I don't even— I'll show the guy how to pleasure his wife or his girlfriend, and I don't even touch her because I don't get, you know, yeah, barriers. I don't want to get, you know, that's fine. And they can learn that way, you know. I think a lot of it has to do with self-pleasuring too. The more you can self-pleasure with your own hand, yeah, you know, and find out what what kind of strokes you really like and try different, experiment around and learn, you know, learn how your body really reacts.

Yeah.

Yeah.

And you said that also that the thing about this technique is that you can, it's almost from the first minute you can have some kind of orgasm.

Yeah.

Like, what did you mean by that?

Well, we have a video and you can see that I— it's in front of a class and I, I like kind of spread Vera's labia and you can see that she's having contractions and she's, you know, she's wet down there, you know, before even touching. She wasn't touching herself and nobody was backstage doing anything. Yeah, yeah, the third book we wrote was called Instant Orgasm, and it gives you techniques on how to like start, you know, you know, from the get-go. Because in order— I think in order to have this extended orgasm, you really— it's really important to be able to feel from the— as soon as you can, not have to warm up, you know, for 20 minutes, you know.

And so, you know, for so many people, women primarily, um, it's very difficult to have any kind of orgasm, much less an extended one. How many people do you— do the people that come to you, are these people that are primarily already orgasmic and are looking to enhance their sex life by, by taking that further? Like, what, what is the motivation for somebody coming to see you?

Right, it's a good question. You get all kinds. Some people like, you know, are really new to it, and they never had— they never had orgasms, or that they think they never had an orgasm. Yeah. But our preference is actually find a really good— somebody's really good already and take them to the next level, right? But right now I, I have a, a woman who helps me out since my— since Vera passed away. But I don't see as many clients as we used— I mean, we used to go like go to New York, and we had— I don't know if you know Mama Gina.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, sure.

Yeah. Yeah, she's put these courses on for us where we, you know, and then we do a course and then these students— so we do like, you know, 10, 10, 12 students a day, right? Couples, you know, so, you know, all different kinds. So yeah, some people have— everybody's clitoris is different, everybody's genitals are different, so everybody's a little bit different. So you gotta, you gotta like, you know, experiment.

And it sounds like, it sounds like a really tough job, Steve, I have to say.

I know, I was thinking retiring, but I don't know. Yeah.

And, and, and speaking of which, you know, my audience is primarily people in their 50s and above. Do you find that that's the age group that is normally curious about this, or is it much younger people?

Again, like Regina had, Mama Gina had a very, very old, you know, all kinds of ages. And our students are all different ages. I think I would say usually past 36, maybe.

Yeah.

Because before that, women are more like dealers rather than users. Drug terminology. So, you know, they'll sell you some stuff, but they're not really that interested in taking it themselves.

Yeah. And is it— do women come on their own, or do they come with a partner, or again, is it a mix of people?

Yeah, again, I would say mostly we get women on their own.

Yeah.

But maybe 30% come with a partner. Sometimes they have a partner and then they'll come on their own and then bring the partner.

Yeah.

Which is a good idea. And then they'll train the partner separately sometimes.

And how long does it take to learn?

It depends. Everybody's different. Somebody could do it in one session. Other people take 20 sessions.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. And moving along, you said you've also mentioned on your website that you, that through the, through, you know, having your wife who had Alzheimer's, you started to think more about this whole aspect of people living with cognitive decline and people caring for people that have cognitive decline and being able to love and just, you know, care for yourself. Do you want to expand a bit on that?

I will if I can. I would say that I was lucky that Vera was happy, a happy camper. I mean, she was never angry. She did whatever I asked her to do. I said, let's eat now or let's do this. She didn't argue with me at all.

Yeah.

Uh, like, if I act like— towards the end, like, I'd ask her, and she's still walking around and still having orgasms, I'd say, would you like to get done? When you want to get off? And she would usually say no.

Yeah.

But if I did, like, if I kissed her first and hugged her and then said, okay, take your pants off now, she'd take her pants off. So you have to learn, you know, each person's like is different in that way. Uh, and you also take care of yourself. So I would still self-pleasure if she wasn't interested.

Yeah.

Um, and, um, I don't know, I think it's different for everybody, but I, I enjoy taking care of her. Yeah, I never had a kid of my own, and she came almost like my kid at the end, so it was fun having, you know, a kid. And she was like a sweet kid, so I was lucky. That's nice.

That's lucky because I have friends that are going through that with their parents at the moment, and sometimes it's incredibly difficult and people can get very, very angry. And just as an aside, I'm waiting to find out if I've got some funding for a project which would be looking at how we manage people's sexual desires within social care settings. Because when, if you're not, if you're not lucky enough to be living at home, it can be quite difficult to be able to still be a sexual person, which, you know, many of us are up until the very end of our days, you know. So yeah, and it sounds like she was, or certainly for quite a considerable period of time, and it sounds like it was completely consensual because I think that's always a big problem around this.

Right. And also, I had a thought now, I think I lost it.

Yeah, I was just talking about sexual desire when you're dealing with somebody with cognitive decline and how that—

Yeah, with your parent, it's going to be obviously different.

Yeah, sure.

And Vivre trained before that. She was so orgasmic anyhow. So the earlier you start, or, you know, before you get the thing, you know, this decline, I think it'll benefit you later on too.

Yeah.

Besides being good for your present mood.

Yeah. I mean, it's still got to be good for you no matter, you know, what your state of mind, as long as what you're doing is consensual.

Yeah.

How have you fared physically? Because obviously you're an older guy. Have you seen changes within your own body? Have you—

Well, I don't do it. I don't masturbate as often as I did when I was a kid. Yeah, I do it a few times a day. Yeah. Now I do like once or twice a week and that's enough.

Yeah.

There was— when I have a girlfriend, I had a girlfriend actually after Vera passed away. Who was like 28 years younger than me. And, um, so she had appetite for, for pleasure and pleasuring me. So I, I probably almost every day I was getting off. Yeah, we lived like in different coasts, so we didn't see each other that often, but when we spent a couple weeks together, you know, so I, so I still get it, I still can get it up. You know, I mean, and get off really well, you know.

Yeah.

And I don't, I don't have to ejaculate every time. And I'm still not sure if that's good or not to do. Because I, I know like Tantric people say don't, it's better not to ejaculate. And then I asked my urologist, I think he says it's better to ejaculate for your prostate. So I'm not sure which, you know. So sometimes I do and sometimes I don't.

Yeah, well, this is the thing, right, is that depending on— that's why I said like, every— I always enjoy these conversations because I'll speak to one person and they'll be going, no, I never ejaculate. And the other one will be going, no, no, it's good to do, you know, urologists will say it's good to do this. And then Tantra people will say, we don't necessarily need to have orgasms. And then other people will be like, no, we need to have as many orgasms as you And everybody's got their own take on all of this stuff, right? And I don't think there's anything that's necessarily right or wrong. I mean, we know that pleasure in itself, sexual pleasure, is just generally scientifically, it's good for you. It does give you all sorts of, you know, feel-good hormones. It does actually reduce the risk of cognitive decline. So, you know, that is one of the things it is meant to do is But obviously not for everybody.

Well, yeah, I think Elvira had chemotherapy before that. I think that may have messed up her mind, brain a little bit.

Possibly. Yeah. Yeah. No, I mean, it's all really fascinating stuff. And I'm assuming that all of these books and videos and everything are still freely available if somebody—

All the books are on Amazon. I've got like 19, coming out with my 20th book.

Wow.

Next month. It's called The Authors. It's a novel. And you want to hear what the story's about?

Yeah, I'd love to. Yeah. Is it a sexy story?

It gets sexier and sexier. This one guy is kind of like me. He's a writer. And he's writing this story about this person who's also a writer. And this writer is writing a story about another writer. So there's like 3 levels of writers. Yeah. And the guy who's like me, he's not getting any sex. His wife just passed away. And, uh, and the other guys are kind of horny, wanting to have sex with— one's married and one's— meets these women, he's going to have sex with them, but he's not letting them have sex. They can kiss and, you know, and hug and flirt, but he's not letting them have sex. And then finally he meets a woman, a younger woman, and he starts getting sexy. So he lets them have more sex. So towards the end of the book, everybody's having a lot of good sex. But the first, like, two-thirds of the book, like, there's like almost having sex, but they're, you know, big tease. Yeah. Yeah.

Well, I am, as I said to you in this, prior to the start of this conversation, I am actually getting ready to go on my two-month away, yeah, I don't know if you want to call it a holiday, but it's just 2 months away in Thailand. Um, and I'm, and I'm leaving very shortly. So you were my last interview and for 2026, uh, 2025 going into 2026. So you will, we will hear this in 2026. So happy New Year to you.

Thank you. Enjoy your Stay. I have a lot of friends that go to Thailand.

Oh, do you? Well, if you know anyone going to Chiang Mai or Hua Hin, then send me a little message because I'd love to meet some cool people.

Yeah, I'm not sure where they are now. Some people live there. Some people, yeah. One is placed in Bangkok, I think, which doesn't sound so great. No, I heard nice things about—

Yeah, I think it's lovely. Well, I'll soon find out.

That show White Lotus, where does that take place, do you know?

Some little island somewhere. Somewhere around there, though. Have a good one.

All right. It was fun talking with you. You look happy, so I'm glad I—

I am. I am happy.

Yeah, it's like Philly pussy right now.

Indeed. Bye.

Bye. Thank you.