Most people never learn about sex properly, leaving them unsatisfied well into adulthood. The speaker learned oral sex from a partner at nearly 40 and discovered pleasure with a shower hose. Real change comes from reading books like She Comes First and talking honestly with a partner who listens.
Chapters
Let's talk about sex education. How many of us did not receive any sex education or very basic sex education when we were young? I know I can't remember a single lesson in school that went beyond basic human biology, so I just had to fumble and stumble my way through all of this. And I know that having done these TikTok videos now for 2 years and my podcasts for the same and spoken to loads of experts, it's clear to me that there's a lot of very dissatisfied people out there, and I suspect that part of the reason for that is because, like me, you didn't receive any sex ed, and perhaps your partners or partners didn't either, and as a result of that, you never really experienced satisfying sex. I was very, very lucky to meet somebody when I was nearly 40 that taught me how to perform oral sex, 'cause I didn't know until then I was doing it completely wrong. And he was nice enough and confident enough to be able to show me how to give him pleasure. And I thank him from the bottom of my heart for that. And similarly, I was also lucky in that I encountered a rubber shower hose when I was younger, which gave me an orgasm. And as a result, I've discovered what was going on down there and how to turn myself on. And later on, when I became confident enough to be able to tell other people how to do that, I was able to experience really pleasurable sex. That's because I knew my body and I was confident enough to be able to ask other people what they enjoyed as well. But I know that that is quite rare because I come across loads of people who clearly haven't had any satisfying sex. And as a result of that, either especially as an older woman, they've decided that they don't want to have sex anymore, or there's a lot of very dissatisfied men out there wondering why it is that their partner doesn't want to fuck them anymore. And I suspect that's because we just don't know what to do when it comes to giving each other pleasure. And there's only two ways to overcome that. A, there's a lot of great books out there that you can read. She Comes First, which is a really great book about female pleasure. There's the good old-fashioned Joy of Sex, which I still recommend. Still a good book when it comes to figuring all that stuff out. There's just basically talking with your partner and being brave enough to say to them, how can I do this better? What is it that you would— that you really enjoy? That, I know, takes an enormous amount of courage if you've never done it before, and believe me, I've been there, so I know that. But I also know that there's no point, and it's really sad for me when I hear the number of people that are just having really unsatisfying sex, and there are ways to overcome that, but you have to be strong enough to be able to ask for what you want and to know your own body.
