Hearing detailed stories about a partner's past sex life kills attraction. The speaker argues that explicit or glorified accounts trigger inadequacy and diminish desire, and that couples should set boundaries early about what to discuss regarding exes and sexual history.
Let's talk about sexual oversharing. I mean, when somebody feels the need to tell you about their previous sex life, or perhaps if you're not monogamous, the person that they're also having sex with. For me, yes, of course I'm curious about somebody's previous relationships if I'm with somebody that's new, and I'm, you know, I'm just generally intrigued about them, but I don't really want to know too much, especially when it comes to their sex life. I don't want to know, for instance, that they were like multi-orgasmic or they squirted a million times, or, you know, that they thought that the person that I was with was just the best lover ever. I'm really not interested in any of that. Firstly, it just kind of makes me feel inadequate if I can't step up to those standards that have now been set by some other person. Um, and yeah, I just find that generally I lose my desire for the person that I'm with. For me, you know, there's a certain amount of sharing that goes on that's okay, and more than that, I just don't want to know. Of course, I think I— it's important to be quite clear about those boundaries from the offset. So telling somebody, look, I really don't want to know about your previous relationships, not interested at all, or I'm really curious to know what happened, or, you know, I don't need to know about the intricacies of your sex life, whatever. It's important to be clear because of course we've all got very different feelings about all of this. But for me, oversharing is a massive turnoff, especially when it comes to someone's sexual life.
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