A 22-year-old describes his first sexual encounter, where performance anxiety, low confidence, and alcohol combined with unrealistic expectations from porn left him unable to perform. He reflects on how these factors fed each other and made the experience painful and embarrassing.
Well, from my very first sexual experience with a female, I was very late. I think I was 22 when I was first going back with a female partner to the bedroom, so to speak. And being so late, being so short of confidence, worrying so much, I was also drunk at the time, but I thought, well, I've got to get this sort of virginity monkey off my back. You know, I was drinking, gambling to sort of COVID that complete lack of self-confidence and security that I was missing. And it was just, I mean, I was just a mess. I was trying to make it look like I knew what I was doing. My sexual education mostly had come through pornography, but as I'm sure many have discovered, that doesn't really help at all in the bedroom. If anything, it makes things infinitely worse because You have this high expectation. I mean, firstly, it was— I think it was clear to her I had no idea really what I was doing. No confidence. And, you know, when you've got all of that going on in the mind, plus I was drunk, I just— you feel like climbing into a hole, but you can't because the person's right in front of you and it's clear what's going on. So that was the first experience. Now I could build on more, much more past that if you'd like.
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