Suzanne Noble identifies warning signs of porn addiction in relationships: secretly clearing history, needing it to orgasm, and requesting extreme acts. She recommends honest conversations, a 30-day break together, and trying couple-focused alternatives like Make Love Not Porn.
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Let's talk about when porn is hurting your relationship and spotting the signals that your partner may be watching too much porn. Firstly, one of the key indicators: hiding their tabs or searches. Do they always clear their search history? That could be an indicator that they're watching too much porn. Do they find it difficult to have an orgasm or finish without watching porn? Because again, porn in itself doesn't necessarily have to be bad, but if porn is being tied to your inability to finish having an orgasm, then obviously it's going to start to take a toll on your sex life. I notice that when men that have watched too much porn are having sex with me, I often they ask me to do things that I've only seen in porn films. Some of those things might be just getting into positions, for example, that aren't particularly comfortable. It might be asking me to change positions often because clearly they're trying to find that point of friction, or they're trying to find that visual image that they respond to, or it could just be their sensations have been dulled through overstimulation, and so they need to be overstimulated to be able to ejaculate. All of this can escalate to mean that they have to start viewing extreme content, which unfortunately can seep into the bedroom by asking their partner to replicate scenes that they've seen in porn movies because the normal way that they've had sex before— maybe it's kind of missionary or doggy or things that are relatively common— no longer work. Here's some actionable steps you can take. Start a conversation with, "I've noticed that when we have sex, that often you don't ejaculate. How do you feel?" Or, "You only ejaculate when you watch porn." "I've noticed that when I went on your computer, you hid your tabs." Or just, "I've noticed that you've been watching a lot of porn recently." What's that about for you? Perhaps you want to take a shared 30-day break, or perhaps you want to watch some ethical porn together. People like Cindy Gallop, for instance, have a fabulous website called Make Love Not Porn. It's real couples having real sex, and it might help you bring your own sex life back to a level of normal that you're both happy with. If you found this video helpful, then please click subscribe. And I have a weekly newsletter at sexadviceforseniors.com. It's free, and I'd love you to receive it.
