Over 60? Here’s What Actually Turns You On Now

Here's the thing. Desire doesn't disappear after 60. It becomes responsive rather than spontaneous. When I was a younger woman, I could just look at somebody across the room who was attractive and my body would get turned on. I would get excited. I would start thinking about what it would be like to have sex with them and all sorts of things would be going on in my body to prepare me for that if it was going to happen. Now, at— in my 60s, my body doesn't work like that. It is more responsive. So what that means is that I require some degree of physical touch. I need to prep myself for sex. Somebody needs to do something like touch my leg or put their hand on the back of my neck or give me a kiss or start start to tell me all the things that they want to do with me. I need to prepare myself for sex. Sometimes I wear sexy lingerie, sometimes I put on soft music, light candles, take a bath. I set up a whole scene that tells me sex is going to happen and my body starts to get ready for it. And then let's talk about some of those physical changes that go on within our bodies when we're over 60. Vaginal dryness is a thing and it affects most women, at least 50% of women over 60 are going to experience vaginal dryness. And there's various ways that that can be solved. And let's talk about lube, because I think there's a lot of shame around using lube during sex. And it's assumed by a lot of people that I've spoken to that you only use lube if you're experiencing dryness. Lube is fantastic for sorting out vaginal dryness, but lube is great just during sex. Doesn't matter what age you are, lube just makes everything feel better. And I think we have to get over this idea that lube is associated with inadequacy, because I know for me that I keep lube on the side of my bed and it's just there for when I need it and just to make things feel better. And foreplay— foreplay is definitely going to help if you're hoping to have penetrative sex. Foreplay, as I've said in previous videos, can be the main course. And I think we need to get over the idea that penetrative sex is the be-all and end-all when it comes to having sex with your partner, because there are so many different ways that you can have sex. Let's talk about foreplay, because a longer foreplay when you're older is definitely gonna help prepare a woman to have sex. It's gonna make her more aroused, it's gonna get her more lubricated, and it's generally gonna make her feel more desired. And really, libido depends on feeling relaxed, it feel— and feeling safe and feeling desired, and also feeling well-rested. And you know what? Let's talk about what is so wonderful about orgasms, because whether you're delivering an orgasm by self-pleasuring or with a partner, orgasms support immunity, they support sleep. They support heart health, and scientific research has proven that they reduce the risk of cognitive decline. So orgasms are just fabulous in keeping you healthier for longer. So we need to think of orgasms as just being something that's just generally good for us. Here's some actionable steps you can take. Set the scene with lighting, atmosphere, and intention. If you want to, you can schedule sex in like I do. I find having it in the diary is a great way of preparing myself for a sexual encounter. Choose the right lube and think about using sex toys. And when I say the right lube, I mean the lube that is safe. That means doesn't use harmful ingredients, which might include glycerin, for example. And also, water-based lubes are the only type of lubes that you can use with condoms. But silicone lubes are great if you want that really kind of slippery feeling. Finally, keep a weekly fantasy journal and share one of those fantasies with your partner. If you found this video helpful, please click subscribe, and you can sign up for my weekly newsletter at sexadviceforseniors.com.