Suzanne NobleHost, Sex Advice for Seniors · Sex, Dating & Relationship Advice for Over 50s

Should You have sex with someone on the first Date?

1 Dec 2023 · 2 min

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1:54

In this monologue, the speaker discusses the idea that having sex on a first date can serve as an early test of sexual chemistry and compatibility. She recounts a friend's belief that if two people don't connect physically right away, they are likely to end up as friends or drift apart. She notes that many couples go on several dates only to discover a mismatch in the bedroom, which can lead to ghosting or breakup. The speaker highlights how mismatched sexual preferences—such as two people-pleasers both preferring submissive roles—can cause friction, and she shares her own experience with people-pleasers, describing a competitive dynamic that undermines intimacy. She emphasizes the importance of being able to relax and "turn the brain off" during sex, and argues that confidence, experience, and genuine chemistry are crucial. Consequently, she prefers to determine sexual compatibility early—ideally on the first date—to decide whether to continue the relationship.

Chapters

Should you have sex with someone on the first date? I recall many years ago a friend of mine who insisted that it was absolutely vital that you have sex with your date the first time that you've met, and her reasoning was that if you don't get along sexually, if there's no chemistry in bed, then the likelihood is that you're just going to be friends or nothing at all. You're just going to go your separate ways. And I know that there's lots of people who go on multiple dates. Sometimes they end up being ghosted after date 3 because maybe they didn't have sex with them soon enough, or they get to the point where they finally end up in bed with the person having thought that this person's just absolutely amazing. You got so many shared interests, you're having so much fun together, and then you get in the sack and you're just in a completely different space and it just doesn't work. Maybe one of you really likes being more submissive and the other one also likes being very submissive. People pleasers tend to be like that. Two people pleasers together, I find, doesn't really work too well. And I know because I've been with multiple people pleasers, and I just find that there's almost like a competition to people please. But I just want to be in a space where I can just relax, turn my brain off, not really have to think about anything, just, you know, relax into that intimate space. And I want to be with somebody who's also able to do that. And if they are trying too hard, if they are, you know, lack confidence, if they're not very experienced, maybe it's just not going to work, or just maybe simply the chemistry is not going to be there. So for me, you know, getting that out of the way as soon as possible so we can move on from there, or not.