Suzanne Noble on what kills attraction in dating. Great sex needs mutual enthusiasm and chemistry, but learning disturbing things about a partner—misogynistic attitudes, disrespect toward women—is an instant turnoff.
I was thinking about what makes sex really great other than both people being equally enthusiastic about doing it and enjoying being with each other and fancying each other madly. But aside from all that, which of course is great, and you know, you're communicating everything, all the juices are flowing, and it's all very exciting. But I also really love anonymity because in an anonymous situation you don't get to find out all the things that might make sex not so great. Like, you know, you have different political views, or they are a misogynist and they don't really respect women, or whatever. When it's all anonymous, you don't find out any of that stuff. You're just two people, two bodies experiencing pleasure, and it's all great. Where it goes to shit for me is when I get into somebody and then they tell me stuff that makes me go, ick, you know, stuff about their past, stuff that is kind of misogynist, stuff that indicates they don't really like women too much. And honestly, there's far too many men that I've discovered don't really seem to understand us or don't really think we're equals when it gets right down to it. And those sorts of men I get really horny for at the beginning, but then when I find too much about them, I get really turned off.
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