Unlocking Pleasure: Mastering Communication for Mind-Blowing Intimacy.

One of the big lessons that I learned in life, sadly very late in life, was that the key to really great sex is communication. And often, if you're not used to articulating what it is that you like or don't like, or maybe you don't even know, then that is very, very difficult. And I know that in my marriage, it wasn't really something that we discussed, and it wasn't until I got divorced and I started dating other people that I was able to express what I enjoyed in bed. And that really made an absolutely humongous difference to my enjoyment of sex, my desire to have sex, and how I was able to have sex with other people who suddenly didn't feel that they had to be a mind reader because I was able to tell them what it was I liked and what I didn't like. Okay, it's not easy to begin with, but like everything, like everything that you're scared about, fear is very short-lived, and a lot of it just comes from practice. So one of the things you can do, perhaps a little simple exercise, which is one that Esther Perel, who I think is an amazing psychotherapist and she's got a great channel, came up with, was just putting on Post-it notes, "What turns me on? I get turned on when?" Now, in her example, she doesn't necessarily believe it has to be a sexual thing. It could be, "I get turned on when I sing. I get turned on when I'm really happy and taking a walk." Um, all sorts of things, but it could also be a sexual thing, and you could leave that Post-it note just generally around, bathroom mirror, something like that, if you feel uncomfortable being able to say what it is that turns you on.