Suzanne Noble argues that each person is responsible for their own orgasm, not their partner. Pressure to climax actually prevents it. Partners should create comfort and share pleasure instead of trying to "make" someone come.
Let's talk about the statement, "I'm going to make you come," and why we want to shift that cultural narrative that says that it's our partner's responsibility to make us come, because it's not. So that's fundamental. It's not a partner's responsibility to make you come. It's a partner's responsibility to give you pleasure. It's a partner's responsibility to understand what you desire and what turns you on. Orgasm is one thing, but as a woman in a woman's body, I know that I'm the one responsible for my own orgasms. I'm the one who knows whether or not I'm going to come, and if I'm not relaxed, if I'm feeling incredibly pressured to orgasm, then the likelihood is I'm not, because a lot of stuff needs to go on for me, I need to be comfortable, I need to be relaxed, I need to be familiar with the person that I'm with. The stuff going on between my ears needs to tell me that all of this stuff that's happening is very exciting, and then I will orgasm. And I suspect for a lot of men as well, the same is true. It is not our responsibility as women to deliver an orgasm to men. They will decide whether or not they're going to come. And I know, especially being with older men, that Sometimes we don't orgasm, and that is okay. It doesn't have to be the end game. We can just go on this lovely journey together where we're giving each other pleasure and understanding what gives us pleasure. That's the key— having those kind of conversations, hearing, 'I want to make you come, I'm going to make you come, here's all the ways I'm going to make you come.' Honestly, that's the biggest turn-off for me, and I know that I'm on the road to disaster because I'm trying to fulfill someone else's expectation, somebody else, so they can feel powerful, so they can feel like they're manly, so they can feel they've got all this prowess, so they can feel like they're a stud, all this kind of stuff, which frankly, I don't care about. I don't care about doing all of this stuff for them. We should be in this world together, this intimate world together. This is the conversation that Zoe and I are having this week on the podcast. So if you want to hear a much fuller conversation about why telling your partner you're going to make them cum is absolutely the wrong thing to say, then please go to the podcast and have a listen.
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