107. Mindset When Your Baby Screams On A Plane

Welcome to the momset podcast, my friend. I'm your coach, Tessa Romero, and as a woman of God, an adoring wife, and a mother of three darling boys, I am passionate about giving you the tools you need to build a mindset skill set that enriches your experience through motherhood and daily life. I've had my fair share of challenges and hardship throughout my life, and that is exactly how I came to this place of finding purpose to my pain and helping you do the same. I know we can thrive right where we are at, and it's time for us to take back motherhood and by being the mommy that we want to be right now. Thank you for being here and making this a wonderful place for me to show up alongside you. Have you ever felt afraid to go on a trip with your kids that would involve flights because you just weren't quite sure what you would do if they screamed on the plane or had a really hard time? Or if you were just like that mom that you've heard about, the mom on the plane with a screaming baby and people are covering their ears and saying, oh, my gosh. And saying, ma', am, you know, you need to make your baby be quiet from the flight attendant. Well, if you have ever felt afraid of that, I am here to grant you a whole new perspective on it, because I got to be that mom. Bless me. Seriously. I have taken my kids on several flights now, and this most recent one was our first experience of really in that position. Like a whole. Almost a whole hour long of my youngest screaming and me getting into that victim mentality a little bit and having to work myself out of that in order to show up as the mom that I want to be, no matter where I am or who I'm with. And that's what I want you to have the courage to do. I want you to have the courage to be the mom you want to be. No matter where you are or who you're with, there's always, always, always a way and an opportunity that we can do that. And when we keep our sights set on that, we're no longer so focused on keeping our kids quiet and making sure they behave or obey or that everyone else around us feels so freaking comfortable, like it's not our job to protect their comfort and their. And just them. That's not our job. So when we're able to shift the focus to being who we want to be, no matter where we go or who we're with, we're also being really great to those around us and Gosh darn it. This airplane experience really put light on that, shed some light on that for me. So let's break it down of what happened. So it was, we are coming home from a trip and there were two flights, and wouldn't you know it, that it would, it would work this way, that every flight we had had going on this trip and even coming home had been delayed or there was just like something that, like a delay when we got to the gate, oh, now it's an hour delay. Or when we got on the plane, oh, now it's an hour delay after we already boarded the plane. And all these, like, little circumstances were coming up. And on top of that, before we even got on the plane, it was several days of my youngest. I mean, all of my kids going to bed later than they're used to and still waking up, bless them early, because that is just the theme for my children that I've appreciated for years. So they were going to bed later, waking up earlier. My youngest wasn't getting naps like he normally does. It was more so just like a quick little car nap, driving from one place to the other. And my kids just felt so, so tired. So my older two boys did amazing on our flights. Like, so great. If there was a TV on the plane, then we let them watch a movie. Fortunately, they were rather short flights. Even if there was a couple of them, they were pretty short, under two hours. Well, close. And with my youngest, he doesn't really have the desire to watch a movie. So if the plane didn't have TVs, then all my kids were just playing, coloring, reading, playing with their cars, just little things like that. So when it came to our final flight home, it was only an hour left. And this was the one that it had a delay when we boarded the plane. Like, we board the plane and we're thinking, okay, now it's going to take off and all is going to be well. This is our last flight. We can do this. I came into with a great mindset. Even though I was feeling so, so tired and it felt difficult, most of our circumstances involving the airport felt really difficult with our rental car and the weather and the flights and just where our gates were, just so many things. So I was feeling really tired and very, very pregnant. Very pregnant. So I. I for sure just was like, so ready to get home. I love being home. So as we board the second flight, there's that hour delay and I'm thinking, okay, we can do this. Well, by time we finally get up in the air I was hoping that my youngest would be able to have taken a little nap between our two flights. And my endless walking around with him in the stroller resulted in still no nap. So I did my best, put in my best effort, and he still didn't take a nap. And then we get on the plane, and I'm thinking, okay, well, good thing it's only just over an hour. And then there is that delay of about an hour that I was like, okay, well, now that we're in the air, like, good thing it's just about an hour. And truly, I was just going into. With the mentality of, like, I can do anything for an hour. I can truly do anything for an hour. And he was already feeling super restless. Just didn't want to go to my husband, and his crying had started, wasn't quite escalated to a scream yet, and he didn't want to go over to my husband. And the whole time that I was like, initially on this flight, my mind was getting to such a negative place, and it was so focused on, I wonder what other people are thinking. And I don't know if it was. I didn't journal that morning. I hadn't gotten very great sleep over the past few nights. And it was just a very trying experience, experience with all of our circumstances. I don't know what it was. And my mind was, like, for sure in a victim mentality and negative place. I felt so concerned about what other people might be thinking, and to the point that I was literally, like, looking at people, trying to gauge what they must be thinking instead of just focusing on who I am, where I'm at, what I'm doing, and keeping the focus on what's in my control. I was looking to others for this sense of approval and validation that, okay, I. I'm doing a good job, right? Like, they can see that I'm trying really hard, right? And even with Drew, with my youngest, looking to him, to be able to affirm if I'm doing the right thing, if I'm doing a good job, if I'm. If I'm handling this well, instead of, again, just looking inward and knowing that for myself. So that was the first part that I caught myself out of alignment. And I just have to encourage you that if you find yourself in a similar circumstance where, yes, it feels very trying, and you are. You're faced with these circumstances that are hard, and you can just say, like, gosh dang it, this is hard because of this weather storm and this circumstance and the rental car, this. And the gate this and the delay that and the people, all of the people, everything that they're doing, you can. You can for sure do that. And when you do that, though, you're inviting a victim mentality into your mind. And you have to. You have to take accountability for just that part. You're not responsible for the baby crying on the plane or what other people think about it, anything like that. You are responsible for what you choose to think and where you choose to put your focus. And sometimes our mind gets a little bit distracted and. And being empowered to catch when the mind is distracted is going to be your power to get out of it. So when I caught my mind, oh, my gosh, I'm like, so focused on what other people are thinking right now to the point that I'm assuming they must all be thinking something negative. And I'm trying to, like, scan each person and just praying that, like, one of these people will give me the type of validation and assurance that I'm doing a good job instead of just knowing that for myself. So if you ever find yourself in a situation like this, be willing to recognize when your mind is working against you. There's going to be times that your mind is working against you, and just being able to catch that is going to be so empowering to work yourself out of it. So we continue flying, and now my youngest is screaming on the plane. He feels so freaking tired. Like, so, so tired, my sweet little guy. And. And that kind of, like, got me into this victim mentality too, because now my son is screaming on the flight. And not only am I looking for other people for some type of validation, acceptance, approval, I'm also thinking about my son in a way that would make it really difficult to show up as who I want to be for him, because I'm not thinking generously and compassionately about him. I'm thinking in a way of, you're doing this to me. He shouldn't be crying right now. I can't believe he's doing this. Of course he won't go over to my husband. And that dug us deeper into the victim fidelity because my sweet husband, you know, I had. We had tried getting my youngest to go over to him at least five times, and he just screamed more over there. So although it didn't seem like I was really comforting him, I was for sure comforting him more than when he was over to my husband. So there was a point, though, that my husband was playing a little game on the TV monitor thing in front of him, and. Oh, man, you just, you Know those times where your mind says, say this, and you're like, that is a bad idea. And then you say it anyway. Well, friend, no one's perfect, okay? And that is where I found myself, where my husband's playing this little game, and I turn to him. Goodness, Tessa. I turn to him as I'm holding our screaming kiddo, and I say, how's your video game? I just. I knew as soon as those. Before those words even left my mouth, I knew that is not in alignment with the wife that I want to be, the mother that I want to be, the example that I want to set, how I want to feel, what I want to think. That's not alignment with any of it. And that darn victim mentality really did get a stronghold for me where that comment came out. And he's like, okay. So he turns off the screen. And I just think how silly that was for me to get so worked up about this video game thing when that had literally nothing to do with the reason why I was feeling the way that I was feeling, nothing at all. And it. It goes on to. It could have gone on to create conflict and tension between my husband and I instead of us being able to work together, and for me to look to him for further strength and support and reassurance as I'm look, as I'm, like, building that back up in myself in that time. And it felt really difficult. I could have used the opportunity to just let him know, like, we're doing a good job. We're doing a good job, and good thing. The flight's almost over, and my husband, seriously the most hilarious person I've ever met. I could have asked him to tell me a joke, and the man would have done it. So I didn't have to. I didn't have to use my opportunity to communicate as a weapon in my relationship and a way to just kind of, like, communicate that this is hard for me. I could have just said, wow, this is feeling really hard for me, instead of bringing in some form of entertainment. Like, it was so silly. And I knew in the moment that I didn't want to say it, and I said it anyway. And I'm only sharing that with you here because no one's perfect, and I want you to be able to catch yourself. And, yes, I did apologize to my husband after our flight that I. That I went there and he was like, you know, when you asked me how the video game was, he felt so nauseous on the flight that he was just, like, trying to play his Game to get his mind off of feeling nauseous. And I was like, oh, man. Like, that sucks too. So just the whole thing where it's like, dang it, I. I don't need to let my mind make things harder than they already are. And how many times is your mind making something harder than it already is? Like you're holding a screaming baby and then you pick a fight with your spouse. You don't have to do that. We're helping one of our kids through a tantrum, and then we're criticizing the other one and what they're doing. We don't have to do that. We're already feeling tired and we decide to speak poorly to ourselves or, gosh, not drink our water, not go for a walk, not help ourselves, not make a meal, not read a book, not turn on music that helps us open the windows. Like, we decide to do none of those things. And it's all coming from our mind. And it's silly idea that if this is how I feel right now, then better make it worse. I just think that's insane. Just insane. So as we're flying, my son's screaming now. I made a hurtful comment to my husband that I'm like, dang it, gosh darn it, this. And that's honestly how I caught my victim mentality was because I knew that's not something I want to say. That's not even what I want to think right now. And I still said it. And that's how I caught that. I was in this frame of mind that was so harmful. And it took me back to realizing, crap, I'm looking to all these other people for acceptance, validation, approval, recognition. Just something. Look at me in a way that tells me I'm doing a good job, please. Instead of just knowing that for myself, I was looking to all of them. And it. It was like this full circle moment where, yes, my youngest is still screaming. And now I'm hearing people behind me say, oh, my gosh. And I see this woman across from me covering her ears because the sound of my son's scream is quite piercing. And my mind just flooded with all this negativity. And I'm just like. It's like this moment of clarity where I can do something different. I can do something different right now. This plane is not just going to land right this second because I think it's hard right now. Like that doesn't get me there faster. And turning to all these other people to try and tell me something that they don't know how to say isn't going to help me feel better. And criticizing my husband and driving a wedge between us so certainly is not going to lighten my load. So having just that one moment of clarity where I was able to catch what I was doing, because I know this works so well, I know what the victim mentality is. That doesn't mean I never get into it. That means I'm able to catch myself when I'm in it. My son's not like, screaming and crying and throwing himself around on the airplane floor or against me or pulling Luke's little headphones out. He's not doing all of that to upset me. And when I brought myself, that's. That's what I want you to feel so empowered to do is to always know you can bring yourself back to truth. Bring yourself back to truth. My husband's not playing a little video game to say, huh, sucks to be you. Like, good thing I'm over here with the easy seat. Like, that's not what he's thinking right now. So what is my husband actually thinking right now? Did you know it can be hard for other people, too? And if our mind could just remember that, like, this is hard for him too, Even if he's not holding the screaming child. It's hard for the woman across from you that's covering her ears. It is loud. And it's hard for the person behind me that either has never been in this position. They lack the perspective being in this position or the compassion. Or maybe they just have a freaking crap ton going on in their life right now that they really believe this is happening to them too. Like, none of that is going, like, is to upset me. It's not happening to me. And when you can bring your mind back to truth, you'll ask yourself better questions. A poor question to ask yourself in these circumstances when your baby's crying on the plane or wherever you're at is, why is this happening to me? And yet that is a question your mind wants to freaking ask just to paint you as the victim. Poor you. Poor you not. Wow, my poor baby. That's clearly having a much harder time than I am because I'm not screaming on an airplane right now. I'm not crying. I don't feel that exhausted. I'm not the one skipping naps and, and operating off of far too little sleep compared to what I'm used to. Like, that's not me. That's what he's going through. And when you can bring your mind back to truth, I'm telling You. You will feel just this inner calm, this inner peace that goes undisturbed even in these circumstances that appear to be so difficult because you're viewing them completely different. Viewing them completely different. So it doesn't matter if you're on an airplane with a baby that's screaming or in a mall or a grocery store with a toddler that's throwing this huge fit, or in a car and your kids are fighting each other in the back seat. When you can bring your mind back to truth, you stop seeking that acceptance, validation, and approval from outside sources, and you stop painting yourself as the victim. And you handle things completely different because you feel completely different in your circumstances. So when I caught myself in that victim mentality, I went back to that truth. Like, come on, Tessa, seek truth. Where's the truth right now? Certainly all these things rushing through your mind are not truth. So where's the truth? The truth is. And the better question I can be asking myself truly is why? Why is Drew screaming on the airplane? And I just asked myself that question. Why is he screaming on the airplane? And it came back to more truth. He feels so tired. This sweet little boy is used to getting this much sleep and these many naps and, and milk before his nap and all these things. And gosh, this plane is just so stimulating. There's a screen on every flipping seat and there's so many people in these lights and this noise, and everything's different for him right now. That's really hard. And it's especially hard to be in that. Be in that position and not have the understanding. Yes, I'm in that position, too. I just have the understanding of it. And he does it. And, you know, it's really. It's really difficult for him when he knows what he wants and he doesn't know how to get it or how to communicate it. And again, more and more truth kept coming to me that I didn't get off the airplane feeling angry towards my husband. I got off the airplane realizing I was totally in the victim mentality. And I can humbly own that. And I can apologize for my comment to him, because I know. I know, too. Like, why is my husband playing that game right now? Like, what's the truth behind that? Well, this is just an all around difficult circumstance. And, gosh, he's operating on less sleep than I am, and he still needs to drive us. Like, he's going to be the one driving us the three hours home after we get off this flight. And the least I can do right now, the least I can do right now is. Is provide some form of comfort to my husband, to my children, to myself. That's the very least I could do, is just hold my son and remind him that, yeah, this is hard, and you tell mom all about it. And the more I brought myself back to truth, the more I just felt so calm. Like, I started by feeling so heightened and so frustrated and so woe is me, and so tired. And when I just went back to truth and I asked myself better questions, wow, is Drew really crying on the plane right now? And when I thought about every single person around me that, yeah, maybe they didn't have very nice thoughts about me or my son, and, you know, so be it. Those thoughts hurt them more than they hurt me. So if that's what they're going to choose to think, well, that's one way to do it, I guess, if you really want to. That's not the way I want to do it. I can have better thoughts about them. Gosh, everyone on this plane right now is doing the very best they can. These flight attendants asking me to stay in my seat when I would love to just get up and hold my son. And I knew that if I could just stand up and rock my son right now, he'd fall asleep. And they're saying, ma', am, I need you to sit down. So be it. They're doing their job. They're trying so hard to keep everyone on this plane safe and comfortable and get us to our destination. And, gosh, they have to follow so many more rules and regulations that I don't even freaking know about. So bless them for handling all of that. And I'm thinking about every single person on this flight. And truly, I just took myself back to this mentality of, this is hard for everyone. Everyone that hears this scream, it likely feels very difficult for them, too. It doesn't have to feel most difficult for me. Hardship's not a comparison. We don't talk about our hardship. To be able to say, oh, my heart's harder than yours. No, it's hard for everyone. And that's okay. So I can think about every single person on this plane, and I truly. On the plane and leaving. I just thought, you know, I hope something wonderful, just truly unexpected, completely wonderful happens for each person on this plane today. I truly hope that. And I still hope. I hope someone paid for their coffee. I hope their luggage came back better than the way it left, or they got some free voucher or a flight, or they. They won something. Goodness. They're landing in Las Vegas. I hope they win some money, like, just whatever it is. They get some special phone call, some special text message, someone compliments them. They feel just flattered by something. I just want something wonderful to happen to each of these, of the people on this flight. And when I took my mind there, I stopped looking for this reassurance, validation, acceptance, approval, recognition from every other person on that plane that just isn't in my position. They just. They're not me. And I can still show up as who I want to be, no matter where I am or who I'm with. And I love the. The continued invitation and opportunity that motherhood gives us to prove what can be done and to set some different example where I can catch myself in a victim mentality for 20 minutes and then spend 40 minutes doing something that I feel so proud of and I hope sets an example that inspires somebody else, that puts somebody else at peace, that gives someone else a new. A new idea of how they want to go home and handle things. I hope so. That's. That's what I would personally like to do. And you have the opportunity to do so. And sometimes that opportunity comes when your baby's screaming on the plane. Like, hold on to that perspective. Sometimes the very thing you need in order to be who you want to be, no matter where you are or who you're with, is going to look hard, it's going to sound hard, it's going to feel hard, and it's still what you need. And I think that's one of the coolest things about perspective, is just nothing and no one needs to change before you do. And as soon as you change that perspective, it feels like everything else did, too. And when we got off the. When we got off the flight, and here's. Here's the best part, though. The plane lands and the turn off your seatbelt sign. I mean, the seatbelt sign turned off, and people stood up to start getting their baggage, and we're like, towards the back of the plane, so I knew it was going to be a hot minute before we got off. I just stood up with my sweet baby and I held him and I just told him, you tell me all about it. Oh, my gosh. I know. It is so past your nap time. And you. You want me to put you in the stroller? Okay, I'm gonna put you in the stroller. Would you like a bottle? You want your milk? Oh, that sounds so, so nice. And gosh darn it, Mommy, Mommy stopped giving you a binky. Dang it. Like, I Just talked to him, and within one minute, he fell asleep on my shoulder. One minute of just swaying him and feeling that peace and feeling that comfort and, and just being able to stand up and talk to him, he fell asleep. And everyone on the plane that heard him scream also got to see this innocent baby sleep. And to me, I'm so grateful for that. I'm so grateful that they got a generous reminder that this baby is more innocent than every single other person on this plane. And I hope that it released them, it freed all those people from maybe anything they were thinking about my baby, anything that they were thinking about our sweet little Drew. Be if it were negative, it were a little bit judgmental, hurtful, anything like that. I hope that just seeing him sleep freed them of those thoughts where they could remember, man, look how sweet he is. Because he is so sweet. And I, you know, so I get him to sleep, we lay him in the stroller, and we go to get our luggage. And I was just thinking the whole time. Drew displays zero people pleading, people pleasing tendencies. And I'm grateful for that. I'm grateful that he will cry and he will express and he will communicate all in every which way he thinks he needs to, no matter where he is or who he's with. And if there was anyone on that plane that was most, most being who they want to be without the fear of judgment or failure, it was him. It was him. And I, I'd rather protect that and just keeping that perspective of I would rather my children display zero people pleasing tendencies than change who they are, refuse to communicate what they need, feel fearful of what other people will think of them and change all of that because they want to keep other people comfortable. They think that they're responsible for how other people feel. No, thank you. So in the whole just over an hour flight plus an hour delay, that was all the perspective that I was gifted. And I'm grateful, so grateful that my husband has such an amazing sense of humor and he's quick to forgive and change perspective. So that when I come up to him, say, hey, you know, I'm. I'm sorry I made the comment about the video game. And we're just able to laugh it off together and get in the car and have a wonderful drive home with three boys that slept the whole way because they all felt so tired. So I hope, I hope so much that this perspective just helps to close, calm your, calm your heart, ease your mind and show you that you can be who you want to be no matter where you are or who you're with. And that example that you set could change somebody else's life. And it can absolutely invite your kids to know that that's the way that they can live, too. So I'm proud of you. Take the flight if you can. If you can take a flight with your family, go somewhere you've always wanted to go. Gosh, just. Just do it. And know that perspective will be what makes the trip the absolute best. Not behavior or the snacks on the plane or anything like that. I'm cheering you on, my sweet friend. Oh, my sweet friend. Thank you for joining me on this week's episode of the momset podcast. Please take a minute to leave a review and share the show. If you loved it, I'd love to stay connected as we continue to learn and grow in motherhood right alongside each other.