109. "Trust That It Will Rain" The Faithful Thought Of Motherhood

Welcome to the momset podcast, my friend. I'm your coach, Tessa Romero, and as a woman of God, an adoring wife, and a mother of three darling boys, I am passionate about giving you the tools you need to build a mindset skill set that enriches your experience through motherhood and daily life. I've had my fair share of challenges and hardships throughout my life, and that is exactly how I came to this place of finding purpose for my change and helping you do the same. I know we can thrive right where we are at. It's time for us to take that motherhood by being the mommy that we want to be right now. Thank you for being here and making this a wonderful place for me to show up alongside you. I truly hope that this episode brings you an enormous wave of peace that just comes over you, settles your mind, gives clarity and renews your hope and renews your faith that you are the exact mother that your kids need. So this episode is all about a faithful thought in motherhood and. And being able to trust that it will rain. And this is something that I've made a big focus for myself recently, and it's just amazing to me again, how much I just feel renewed energy and restored in my hope of being who I want to be for my kids and not fearing what's coming next, like the anxiety of what it's going to look like down the line, either tonight at bedtime or tomorrow morning or 10, 10 years from now or 30 years from now. All of those fears and anxieties have been melting away from me and just like shutting off in layers. And it's been so freeing. And I want this for you, too. And I swear it's coming from this faithful thought in motherhood that we just need to trust that it will rain. So I've really noticed a constant and aggressive obsession with how that there is such little focus on what anymore. And examples of this sound like, how will I get my kids to listen instead of what I want to hear myself say to them, there's this constant focus on how will I get them to get along with each other. We're like seeking all these answers and all these sources of information to just tell us how to get them to get along with each other instead of focusing on what I want to see their relationship looking like. Would you be able to tell me in more detail what it looks like when your kids are quote, unquote, not getting along with each other versus what you want their relationship to look like? Which one? Could you walk me through more clearly that tells and shows where the mind is focusing. And you're trying so hard to focus on the how you're going to get them to get along that we've completely lost sight of what you even want the relationship to look like in the first place. Another example, so that we're on the same page is how will they be okay in the world we have today instead of what you truly want them to have in life and be in life and do in life and experience and know about life. Do we have to fear all this? How are they going to do this in the world if we know? Man, I'm teaching them what matters most in life. And here's the exact picture in my mind of what that looks like. You've gotta be able to tell me that one more clearly than the fears. And another example wrap this up is how will I know I did right by them? Like how can I just do right by my kids? How can I just do right by my kids? And again, we're back to outside sources. We're back to outside examples and references and resources and swimming and all that. I really feel curious to know, do you even know what it looks like to do right by them? And what your version, what your picture of that looks like that matters so much more. So there's a fear here. And that desire to know how is rooted in the urge to control. Control your kids, circumstances, other people and the freaking weather. So much focus on controlling everything and everyone else that when the time comes to control yourself, what happens when you've been trying to control your kids all day long? What happens when it's time to control yourself, when your big emotions come up? What do you do when it's time to fulfill your commitments? What do you do? You're not fulfilling the commitment. You're not regulating yourself. You're not showing up in a way and using words that you're proud of and having behaviors that you can stand behind and feeling proud of your tendencies, you're not doing that. Why? Because there's no, there's nothing left. All of that precious valuable energy that you could have used to raise your self awareness and to exercise your self awareness and your energy and your vision to go inward, it was all expelled outward throughout the day and in the last moment. Every time you try to control the how you're going to get your kids to listen and how it's all going to work out and how you're going to have the help, the finances, the resources, the know how, how you're Going to balance the daily schedule and the checkbook and the groceries and all of the things. Every time you try so hard to control the how you are expelling all of that valuable energy and vision. And I want you to have this faithful thought, trust that it will rain to bring you back, just bring you back because that energy is there. Instead of trying to control your kids, what if you just controlled yourself? Instead of trying to control the weather, what if you just controlled yourself? Instead of trying to control other people and other circumstances, what if you just controlled yourself? You let that be what it is and you felt so good about who you're choosing to be. So this faithful, faithful thought in motherhood equips you to go inward and use your precious energy, self awareness and vision to become unshakable. And that's trust that it will rain. So the way I want you to think about this is I don't know how it's going to rain. I just know it will. I don't know when it's going to rain. I just know it will. Imagine applying that to motherhood. So the idea of this is to go where you need to be, do your part and be the person you want to be right now before it rains. You don't need the rain to come first for you to say, okay, now I can be who I want to be. No, no, no, no. Trust the rain is coming and choose to be her right now. You feel frustrated, choose to be who you want to be anyway. You feel disappointed in your child's choices. They choose to be who you want to be anyway. You've got to be able to do that now before their choices change. Maybe that's the rain for you is my child's choices are going to change. Okay, that's the rain. Before that happens, you just need to know it's going to happen. So you're going to start showing up as who you want to be no matter where you go or who you're with or what's going on. Because you know it's coming, it's coming even and especially when you don't know how or when it's coming, right? So all of these all consuming thoughts about how many get them to get along, how am I going to get them to sleep tonight? How am I going to get them to eat more foods? How am I going to get this eczema to go away? How am I going to get them to, to listen to me the first time? How am I going to keep them safe? How am I going to do all this, how am I going to get all the meals done today? All that rushing and raging thought pattern. I mean, talk about the freaking mental load of motherhood. Imagine if you didn't have that anymore. Imagine if you didn't have that anymore. We can do that. So an example of this is imagine a bird, okay? A bird leaves its nest every morning knowing that it will find food. If there's no food at the first yard that it goes to, does it go back home and say, ah, there's just no food today? No. It continuously and repeatedly puts itself in positions to get food. Even if it doesn't know how or when it's going to get the food. It doesn't just go back to its nest and say there's no food today because what are the chances, what's the likelihood of finding food in the nest? We have to go out there and trust that it's going to be there for us when we arrive. And if it's not there, then I'm going to go to the next reasonable place, I'm going to take one right step after another, put myself where I need to be, be who I need to be, do what I need to do for the how and the when to work itself out. Because I know what I want. So the bird goes to the next yard or space that it needs to be in to find what it's looking for. A bird doesn't know how or when it's going to catch its food that day. It just shows up, believes in its own instincts and does what it needs to do. Maybe it's flying, flying from one yard to the next. Assuming I'm gonna get a worm and a bug is just right there and it's like a sweet swoops right in, gets that bug. Like it didn't know that that was about to happen. It didn't know that's how it was gonna get the food today. No, it just, it did what it knew it needed to do. It went where it knew it needed to be. Maybe it's a worm, readily available on the sidewalk after a rain. Like, maybe it will happen when and how it's expected or unexpected. Like, yeah, maybe your kids are going to do something that you expect when you expect them to do it. Or maybe they do something that's unexpected at a time that you don't expect them to do it. That is irrelevant. The relevance it's doing. The relevance is doing your part, your part to be there, to be ready to know what you want in that moment. That is the relevance that's your part. So put yourself where you need to be to find what you are looking for. Get out of the how. It's so stinking, all consuming and overwhelming and just not in your control. You control who you choose to be and where you choose to go and, and the way you're going to show up there. That's what you control. You control you. So what is it? This is my question for you that I want you to be able to take into your journal. And it's what I've been doing to help inspire more of my writing and motherhood, especially as I'm approaching my fourth birth. And I mean, gosh, there's going to be big transitions that come. We're welcoming a whole new family member. I'm gonna need new routines, I'm gonna need new resources. I'm gonna need to have so much trust and faith in my body and my ability to birth a baby, like so many things. And in order to best do that, I've been asking myself this question and I've been taking it to my journal and it's helped so much. And I want it for you too. So the question is, what does it look like in your motherhood to trust that it will rain right now, no matter what it is that you find yourself in, your child's behavior, that they're going through, the financial situation of your family, maybe they're like, they're out for school for the summer. So this is a new circumstance that we find ourselves in. We're trying to figure out childcare, we're trying to figure out am I going to homeschool, am I going to send them to public school, what are we going to eat, what are we going to do, how am I going to parent, how am I going to teach? Am I listening well enough? Am I giving them enough attention? All of that, instead of figuring out the how you're going to fix and do and be all that, I just want you to ask yourself, what does it look like in your motherhood to trust that it will rain? Trust that you are ultimately going to get what you want? Do you know what you want? Do you know what it would even look like for it to rain? Do you even know what it would feel like for it to rain? What it would sound like, what it would smell like, everything? What it would be like for you for it to rain in motherhood? Have you thought about that? Gosh, you could fill endless pages in your journal asking yourself that question. I want to be able to prompt you a little bit More so I have some examples to share with you of what it might look like in your motherhood to trust that it will rain. Because remember, it's about being who you want to be before it rains, doing what you need to do before it rains, saying, feeling, showing up in a way that you need to before it rains. Not because you know when or how it's gonna rain next. No, because you just know that it will. You just know it's gonna rain. So this is who you're gonna be before it even happens. These are the seeds you're gonna sew before the rain comes to really nourish them and even allow them to grow. This. This is what you're going to do. So it can sound like communicating with my kids in ways that make the right choice, the easy choice, and laying down all frustration, resentment, and victim mentalities at their feet. It's knowing that our healthy, vibrant, and positive communication is coming because of the examples I've set. See, I don't know when or how my kids are going to communicate this way, too. That's not. That's not what I'm trying to control. I'm not trying to control winter how. I'm trying to control what I'm doing in preparation for the rain so that when it rains, I'm ready. I knew this was coming. My kids are communicating positively and they're vibrant, and we have just so much health in our relationship. And it's not surprising to me. Why is it not surprising to me? Because I showed up, I put myself here, I did these things, and then I let the how and the when work itself out. So that's one example. Maybe that's what you're going to write about and have this faithful thought and motherhood of it's going to rain. I trust that it's going to rain. Communicating in that way. Another one for you. Like, what does it look like in your motherhood to trust that it will rain? It looks like pausing to consider why my kids want what they're going after, even if it's the opposite of what I ask them to do or go after. It's knowing. Right? This is the rain part. What does it look like in your motherhood to trust that it will rain? It's knowing that my gained understanding of what they want, we will have cooperation and collaboration freely flowing. Like, it's knowing that as I gain this understanding, we're gonna. The rain is cooperation and collaboration freely flowing in our relationship. Another example, letting them have more of what they want, even if the wrong Approach is taken initially so they can practice the right approach to get it and then freely give them what they are truly wanting. Not say, this is an example. This is why this example is coming up for me. Because my boys know that if my bedroom door is locked and I'm working on my computer, like I have coaching sessions that I do these group coaching sessions. So I'll shut my door and I'll lock it. They know if the door is shut and locked, you knock. I have a come on in type of policy. It's just you knock first. So that way I still have the means to say I'm on this call or answer through the door, like, I want to help you. And this is a great boundary for me protecting my work. So my boys know that it's well instilled in our home. And. And yesterday I'm on a live coaching session with a large group of incredible women and I'm like mid coaching with one of the group members and my oldest just unlocks the door. No knock, no nothing. He gets a little key thing, unlocks the door and comes right in. And the way I got to approach that was extremely beneficial for both him and myself. Him and myself. So he comes in and I look at him and I say, buddy, we need to knock. We need to knock before we come in. If mom's door is locked, you knock. And he says, oh, I know, I just, I really needed some water. And he's given like a cute little face to the camera for the live session. I said, okay, what I need you to do is go back to the door, close it, and knock and ask me for the water. So I understand now what he's going after I've reiterated my boundary and I've let him try again. I'm going to let you try this again. Go back, shut the door, knock, and give me a chance to answer. So he goes back, he knocks, and he asked for a drink of water. And I said, yes, of course, come in, you can have a drink of water. So I still gave him what he want. Even though I don't like the approach. I believe it was the wrong approach for him to take the first time. I still let the reward be there when the appropriate approach was taken. And I guided him through what it looks like and how good it can be to even just give me the chance to tell you yes. If you don't even give me the chance to tell you yes, how is the answer going to be yes? Right? So when I give you guys this example of letting them have More of what they want, even if the wrong approach is taken initially. So. So I'm not gonna hold this grudge and this no, you need to have this consequence of not getting the water. You need to learn that. I'm gonna say no at the door. I honestly want my kids to think I'm gonna say yes. Like, I would love for. I was telling my husband this. I would love for my kids to just assume the best and honestly have this perspective of worst thing she's gonna say is no. And we were talking my. Again, another example of this is when I think about, like it raining in motherhood, like, trusting it's going to rain in motherhood. For me, that's my kids having that perspective and that lifelong mentality of it's so worth asking for what I want. It's so worth going after what I want and staying clear on that. Because the worst thing I'm going to be told is no. And best case scenario, I'm going to get exactly what I want. And I believe that needs to be taught now. I need to taught now. So I was telling my husband one night, um, you know, if our boys, you know, they. They wake up in the middle of the night or whatever, and they come to us and we're still like chit chatting together, watching a show, whatever, Like, I just want to be able to surprise them and say, come on in, bud. Like, come watch the show with us. Come eat. Come eat the snack. Come sit on the porch swing with us. We sit on the porch swing a lot at night. I want to be able to say yes. And in moments and opportunities that they might have expected me to say something like, go back to bed or what are you doing up? Like, where they're just a little bit unsure of what my response may be. I want to surprise them with reward anytime that I can. Anytime. That again, I see that being of tremendous benefit. I was explaining to my husband. I would just love for them to contemplate a little bit. Should I ask my mom? I don't know. I don't know how she's going to respond to this. And. And then asking me anyway, doing it anyway, giving me a chance. Just please, for me, reigning in motherhood looks like my kids always give me a chance to say yes. A chance to surprise them. A chance to be supportive and a great resource and a great advocate and advisor to them. Like, I want to be given the chance to do that. And that means I'm putting myself right now in positions for that to happen. I want to create the Opportunities for that to happen. So that way, when it rains and I know it's going to rain, that I know this is what I've been waiting for. This is what I've been preparing for. I've positioned myself as who I needed to be. I started this early on. I did these things because this is the rain that I want to be able to experience. And, gosh, if my kids can just say, you know, I don't know, I don't know. Okay, I'm going to ask her. I'm going to ask her. Worst case, she's just going to say no. And. And best case, maybe we end up having a movie night. Maybe, like, I'm chilling with them on the porch swing and I get to. I get to be with them a little bit longer or my mom gets to help me do this thing. Like, that's what I. That's reigning in motherhood for me, and that's what I'm writing about when I use this specific prompt. Um, another example for you might be letting little stuff be little and light in your day to pass just as quickly as the moment it came from, and move yourself right into the joys that you have with your children. It's knowing this is the rain, knowing your relationship is far bigger and outlasting than this hard moment, and that this hard moment will be completely faded as a memory sooner than you even know. Another example of reigning in motherhood might sound like asking meaningful questions out of genuine curiosity because you want to understand and know there is something, something that you're missing and. And can learn. And then when the rain comes, you know, what does it look like to just trust that it's going to rain in motherhood? It's knowing that your kids so desperately want to be understood by you and that you will be the trusted source of goodness, resources, advocacy, and advice in their life. That's the rain. So we've got to. We've got to know what we want, not just how or when it's gonna happen and get so fixated and hooked up on that. I. I mean, what does it look like for it to just rain in your motherhood right now, creating a routine that you thrive in? Now, tonight, your home is reset, and the morning is full of intention and nourishment. And the reign of that looks like knowing tomorrow's a fresh start, and it's gonna start on the right foot and in the best way. So just imagine your mindset and motherhood, if you would just trust it's going to rain without knowing how or when? So take this writing prompt with you into your journal this week. So the writing prompt is what does it look like in my motherhood to trust that it will rain. I want you to write about what you start doing and feeling now, before the rain comes. What do you start doing with your kids now? Knowing what that rain is going to be when and how it does come. Just what do you start doing with them now? How do you start feeling around them now? What, what are the ways that you speak to them now? Knowing they're going to learn, knowing they're going to implement this, this routine is going to become natural, normal, predictable, expected that they're just doing it on their own one day, right? It's this faithful thought. It's been so refreshing for me and I hope it is for you too. So the faithful thought motherhood. Trust that it will rain. Trust that it will rain. Apply it to all that you can and get into your journal so you can get a clear picture of what that looks like. What does it look like to reign in your motherhood? I'm excited to hear how you implement this. Please give me some feedback on the show and if you have a suggestion for an episode mindset related and motherhood, something that you're just needing help and guidance through, I would absolutely love to help you. Just send me an email. Connect C O N N e c t momset.com m o m s e t connectomset.com shoot me an email. Let me know what's going on with you and let's see what tools we can apply and get really interactive in this community. Because you can be the mom you want to be right where you are. No matter where you are or who you're with, I believe in you. You just need some more tools. Oh my sweet friends, thank you for joining me on this week's episode of the momset podcast. Please take a minute to leave a review and share the show. If you loved it, I'd love to stay as we continue to learn and grow in motherhood right alongside each other.