11. But, Who Are You REALLY?

Hello, my beautiful friend, and welcome to the Mind Body Alignment podcast. This is a place for us to come together and not only understand who we are, but how to become exactly who we want to be while developing the right skills and tools to help us do so. I'm your coach, Tessa Romero, and I can't wait to get started. Hello. And I hope you're feeling so light, magical and full of life right now as you're listening to this, but just know that if you're not, that's okay too, because my goal is to help you get there. I, I really want to teach you the skills and tools that it takes to be exactly who you want to be. And hopefully that means being light, energetic and full of life and love for this life that we live. But that's going to come a lot from our identity, right? Because first you have to know who you are if you are going to be that person in the first place or change anything. So if you've listened to episodes two, three and four of the Mind Body Alignment podcast, then you are definitely heading in the right direction in terms of your identity and becoming who you want to be and better understanding who you believe you are right now. But I wanted to do a little follow up episode when it comes to identity and that would be this one being. But who are you really? Right. Instead of just listening to my episode about identity and that being permission to be exactly who you want to be without fear of judgment or failure. And a lot of times we can find our identity by examining our self talk. Every time we're saying I am, we're messing with our identity. So we have to be really careful and intentional about that. And really it's interesting. I mean there's more than that way to look at your identity. You can also look at your actions as a really great way to get an inside look at who you believe you are. Really. Because if you're seeing a lot of inconsistency or procrastination, maybe a lot of anger, resentment, judgment, jealousy, scarcity comes up for you when, when you look at those actions that you have. Well, if those were your actions, what's the mindset that you have that leads to those actions? Well, it's so unfair that they have this and I don't. And maybe that's where the jealousy comes in the actions, right? So if your mindset is constantly saying it's not fair and why do they get that and I don't and I'll never be able to have what I want. Like if we're or they don't deserve that. That's another thing that jealousy can say. So if our mindset's constantly talking that way, who are we identifying as? Well, we're identifying as jealous and resentful. So you can look at your actions and track it back through your mindset and identity, or you can look at a lot of your self, talk through your I ams and track it that way. But in this episode, when I'm talking about but who are you really? The reason why I found it necessary to do this follow up episode was one. I'm constantly talking with women every single week. So those women are going to be my clients, but also women that I talk to as interview calls. So those that are trying to get their questions answered about my program and just make sure that it's a great fit for them, we do a 30 minute interview call together. So on a call that I had recently this past week, I was able to see like, oh my gosh, I really need a follow up episode on Identity. Because it's easy to listen to episode two and say, okay, I am positive. Here we go, right? Just, just look at that I am and say, yep, this is who I'm gonna be. But without looking at episode four. The thing that holds you back, that shame that we carry from ourselves or against ourselves, that keeps us from being who we wanna be, when that's left unresolved and we're carrying that against ourselves, you are not going to be the positive person that you wanna be because you're not even being your own best friend, right? You don't even believe in your abilities to do so in the first place. But on my call with this woman, she was telling me, you know, I listened to your podcast and I know what I'm supposed to say to this question because I asked her, can you tell me who you are? And I never know if anyone's listened to my podcast or seen my post on Instagram or my reels or anything like that. So I asked everyone that question and she said, well, I listened to your podcast, the Identity one, and I know what I'm supposed to say, like, and I feel like I really do know who I am. I said, okay, tell me. And she said a lot of things in her I am, but the one that really stood out to me was I am kind. And then she went on to say, you know, you said in your podcast that the I am is really what's linking to her identity. But she said, if I wouldn't have listened to your podcast, I would have said, I am a wife, I am a mother, I am a nurse. And I mean that. It's natural to want to say our roles, right? But just remember, if you are a mom and I am a mom one, what makes us different is our identity. We both have this role. But if you look around, every mother is so different. Why is that? It's because of our identity. Who we identify in, in that role is what sets us apart. So the reason, you know, it being she wants to tell me who she is through the I ams. And they were all very positive, all of them. But the I am kind is the one that really stood out to me, and I'm going to tell you why. And then she went on to tell me her roles. So if you're sitting here and you've listened to my podcast and you're like, okay, who am I? Who am I? Who am I? And maybe the word kind comes up and maybe gracious, generous, loving, maybe all these positive words are coming up and you're like, yes, this is who I am. But I'm going to challenge you, because if you are not kind to yourself, are you really kind of? I want you to think about that. This is where I'm asking you, but who are you really underneath who you are in your roles and to other people, who are you really? And this is going to be the person that you are to yourself through that self talk, the way you view yourself, how you treat yourself. Are you kind to yourself? I no doubt believe that nurses are kind. You're taking care of other people. Of course that's a kind thing to do to help people in their sickness, in their time of need, and to give them the reassurance that they need that everything's going to be okay. And to be that person at their bedside, like, that's incredible. And yes, you are kind, but are you kind to yourself? And that's what I asked this woman on her interview call. I said, if you are kind as part of your identity, are you kind to yourself? Are you being kind to yourself right now? She said, no, she's not being kind to herself. So you can be kind in your role as a nurse, but what good is that if you're not even being kind to yourself? Do you really believe the good that you're doing? Are you being as kind as you could be if you're practicing that for yourself? I am a huge believer that we can't give what we don't have. How are we supposed to give kindness if we don't have it for ourselves. How are we supposed to give love if we don't have it for ourselves? How are we supposed to give true gratitude and fulfillment and joy if we don't have that for ourselves? There goes Sunny. If you guys hear barking in the background, I'm going to leave that in the podcast anyway. But I hope this is making sense. When I'm asking like, who are you really now? Instead of looking at all of the good things that you want to be, I want you to think about who you believe you are right now. So either examine your actions, think about them right now, or examine the self talk. Do you constantly say, I am exhausted, I am overwhelmed, I am negative, I am defeated, I am drowning, I am jealous, I am resentful, I am angry, I am. I mean, gosh, we could go on and on, right? There's just. What was that? Eight. Eight examples for you. But if that's what you really feel about yourself, that's what you're showing up with in your life. Okay, so imagine if you could change how you really feel about yourself. Then when you come and tell me I am kind, I would be able to trust that you are kind to yourself, right? Because that identity is so powerful and valuable in your life and it controls everything that you think, say and do. So instead of only being kind, when you show up to work and you're talking to other people because you see their value, you can look in the mirror at home, not even leaving or doing anything, and be kind to yourself because you know your value, you know your self worth, you know you are worth loving, and you do love yourself. Okay? So this identity outside of your roles, who are you really, is just you. You know, imagine that you went on a vacation by yourself without your kids, without your spouse, you had no work to do, you were going for a month or whatever. If you didn't have all these roles to step into, if it was just you, what would you do? How would you feel? What are the things that you would say to yourself alone on this trip? What would that self talk be like? Would you face a lot of insecurity and uncertainty of gosh, what should I do next? Or what is this person thinking of me? I'm alone right here? Gosh, do they think that I'm just silly for walking around this airport alone? Or maybe I should pretend to be on my phone? Well, let's pretend that you had no one to call. Let's pretend that your phone wasn't working right. There was no way to distract you or take you Away from this present moment. You were there. You had to experience it. This is why our identity is so important. Because who you believe you are controls what you think, what you say, and what you do. It is going to be very obvious who you believe you are just through what you do on that vacation. And if you think about that trip that you would go on without the roles coming along with you, or the distractions or the numbing being available at your fingertips, without all of that, that would give you a lot of insight into who you believe you are right now. So I'm asking you to think about who are you really outside of those roles and even outside of who you want to be? I love it when we can dream up exactly who we want to be. I want to be energetic and vibrant and loving and kind and enthusiastic and excited about my life. I think that's great. But how are you supposed to get there if you don't start with who you are today or where you're at right now? When you constantly say, I am a procrastinator, I am lazy, I am worthless, I am inconsistent. If you don't start there and figure out why it is that you think the way that you do about yourself, how on earth are you going to change it? How are you going to sustain the changes? Sure, maybe you have one really positive day and you're like, God, everything just went right as it was supposed to today. It was fantastic. Wow. And then let's say your baby wakes up all throughout the night. That night, they're up all night, and then the next morning you wake up, you're like, God, I'm so tired. I didn't get any sleep. This is so unfair. When are you going to sleep through the night? I don't want to do that workout again like I did yesterday morning. I'm not going to journal. I'm too tired. I deserve to just sit here. We need to have another freaking episode on the I deserve mindset, because, my goodness, is it really sabotaging everybody? So that can be our next episode is the I deserve mentality. But anyway, let's say that the baby doesn't sleep for the night. The next night, it throws off the morning routine. You don't do the workout first thing again. You know, the journaling sewn off breakfast and everything afterwards just feels like it's falling apart. And it was all because the baby didn't sleep through the night. But that's how we know this wasn't really sustainable change. Because, I mean, that was something completely out of Your control. You can't make your kids sleep through the night. You don't control them. You, you only control what you think, what you say and what you do. So knowing who you are is going to decide what your mindset is going to be like. After your baby doesn't sleep through the night, you have to be up anyway with your baby, right? You're not just going to get your baby up out of the crib and then go back to sleep in your room. You're not going to do that. You have to stay up with your baby after they're awake. So why not do a stretch or do a workout and say, you know what, I'm up anyway. I'm just going to do it because I know it's going to make me feel better. It's going to give me the energy that I'm looking for. Or, you know, no, we're not going to go on a walk. I mean, we're not going to do a workout, we're going to go on a walk instead. Like, why not still do those things for yourself? Well, because we say that we deserve to do nothing. So if you think that you deserve to do nothing, how do you really feel about yourself? Because don't you deserve to feel your best? This is the next episode that we're going to do. But really think about that whole I deserve mindset and if it's something that you deal with, come back here next week because we are going to pick it apart. But yeah, think about the identity deeper. Who are you really? Get really honest with yourself. Open up and be vulnerable with yourself. To say, I believe I am XYZ and I don't freaking like it. I don't want to be that person anymore. I want to be ABC instead. Get crystal clear with it. Describe the person that you want to be. What would she do each day? How would she spend her time? What is the type of mindset that she would have? If an issue did arise, a challenge or hardship, how would she handle it? What would she learn from it? What are things that would be non negotiable? Each day? Dream her up. But remember, if you want to get there, you first have to get crystal clear, honest and vulnerable with where you are today, why you're in this position. Go back to episodes, what was it, four and five, the thing holding you back and the power of self forgiveness, something like that. Those can be really big game changers for you to put these pieces together. But if you want to work on something right now, get out that piece of Paper. And at the first part of it, you can, you can divide it up into two halves. So just draw a line down the middle of your paper and on one side. I want you to describe who you believe you are today. Don't worry about anybody seeing this piece of paper. It's just for you. You can burn it afterwards for all I freaking care. Write out on that piece of paper who you believe you are today. The good, the bad, the ugly, the things that you just really wish you never thought about yourself and the things that you know are those things could stick around. You kind of like them. Write it all down. Once you have all that down, I want you to, either to the right of it or below it, put down. What are the things that you do each day now that you're familiar with who you're identifying as each day? I want you to talk about the things that you do each day and the mindset that you have. What are common things that you say to yourself? Is it all too hard? Is this all unfair? And why does she get this and you don't? What's the mindset that you have? And then what are common things that you do each day? Maybe some of those behaviors that you're noticing in yourself are scrolling your phone, mindlessly eating, constantly walking back to your fridge, even when you know you're not hungry or listening to a lot of podcast and audiobooks, and feeling like even when you're listening to something, you're not retaining the information that you're consuming. Maybe you're numbing with it. I'm not saying you are, but maybe if you're not retaining anything, doesn't that kind of make sense? You're almost using it as an escape. So think about the actions that you do each day. And once you have that half done of the where you're at currently on the other half of where you drew that line now, I want you to describe who you want to be. I want you to describe her fully, in as much detail as possible. Is she very energetic? Is she calm and collected and very observant? How would you describe who you want to be, that identity? Okay, so once you can describe who you want to be to a T, absolute clarity again, you're going to go either to the right of that or right underneath it. What actions would you have on a daily basis? What are the things that you would do each day that would be non negotiable? Would you do some type of movement, movement each day? Maybe it's not a full freaking hour workout, but Maybe you play around with a 10 minute Zumba workout, or go on a 15 minute walk with your kids or jump on your trampoline. Those are just some examples. But I just want you to think about who you want to be and what type of actions, behaviors that person would have that would be very easy for them, very natural. It wouldn't be forced. It would no longer be difficult and an uphill battle. It would be easy for you. I want you to have absolute clarity around that. Because if you don't know who you are and what you struggle with, how are you going to overcome it? Also, if you don't know who you want to be and what you want to do and how you want to think, how are you going to get there? We need more clarity. We need to dream these things up and give yourself permission to really be exactly who you want to be without fear of judgment or failure. But you got to know who that is. So I hope this episode of who are you really is helping you to see that there's so much more to this identity then looking at your roles and, and telling me, well, I am kind because people that I work with or people that I live with view me as kind. No, who do you view yourself as? Are you kind to yourself? That's what's going to matter more. As always, I hope this episode was incredibly helpful for you in your journey to becoming exactly who you want to be without fear of judgment or failure. Because that is what I'm so passionate about helping you get to. And I think it matters so much. Through our identity, our mindset, our self love, our self, forgiveness, being able to set strong boundaries, all of this is going to come from knowing who you are, knowing that you're worthy of living the exact life that you dream of. And I believe that with my whole heart. So if you find this podcast helpful and you love it, enjoy it, please feel free to rate it, leave a review, and share it with those that you love so that they can find the benefit from it too. I will talk to you guys next week because remember, we are going to pick apart that I deserve it mentality because maybe it's something that's holding you back. It is such a wonderful privilege of mine to be here with you in this space and I hope that you find all the value out of our time together.