115. The Home Birth Story of Our Fourth Son

Welcome to the momset podcast, my friend. I'm your coach, Tessa Romero, and as a woman of God, an adoring wife, and a mother of three darling boys, I am passionate about giving you the tools you need to build a mindset skill set that enriches your experience through motherhood and daily life. I've had my fair share of challenges and hardship throughout my life, and that is exactly how I came to this place of finding purpose to my pain and helping you do the same. I know we can thrive right where we are at, and it's time for us to take back motherhood and by being the mommy that we want to be right now. Thank you for being here and making this a wonderful place for me to show up alongside you. Friends, this is so exciting. We are here to finally be sharing Jake's birth story. He's about 11 weeks old now. Our family of six has truly been thriving, finding our footing a lot of times. Yes, we have two dogs that, too. And this episode's even better because my sweet husband is here to share Jake's birth story with me. I'm so excited that we get to do an episode together. So I just want you guys to hear from Marcus just for a second. Babe, how does it feel to be here on the episode with me? I know you're normally, like, behind the.

Scenes for things so different, being in front of the camera, so we got this, though.

We got this. We got this. He's. He's seriously just so amazing for our family. I'd say I'm for sure the heart of our home and our family, and he is absolutely the head.

Oh, I'm the comedy relief.

He's. He's. He's so much to us. So having him share the birth story with me is. Is just so special because being able to give birth is, I mean, just one of your. One of your biggest blessings in life. It's one of the coolest experiences, and I just know that I wouldn't be able to do the home births without him. So first, we're just gonna start the episode. I mean, even Liam's hospital birth, I wouldn't have been able to do that so well without him. So we're starting this episode with a big thank you, thank you to the number one doula, support, birth coach, husband, father of our children that I could ever ask for. Thank you. You know, you're welcome, you're welcome, you're welcome. Okay, so we're going to dive into this episode. Let's start talking about Jake's birth Story. Let's do this. Let's dive in. So on July 18, I was 40 weeks and four days pregnant. And it was a very humbling experience. Me, because I had had all of our babies at 39 weeks, five days. So I thought I knew, like, what was it like for you when I went past 39 weeks, five days, because I was hyping it up. I'm like, we're having the baby at 39 weeks, 5 days. How was it for you?

You're the one feeling everything. So I was like, shoot, we might be having a baby tonight. And then probably about a day after it didn't happen, I'm like, this is still probably pretty normal for most people.

Yeah. And I think I wrestled with that a lot. I kept wrestling with, why hasn't it happened yet? It should be happening. And it was. It was a big reality check for me of just how much I was trying to control things in more ways and thinking that I knew. And I have been saying this since Jake's birth, and just those days leading up to it is he is the baby that's meant to humble me. I'm. I'm certain of it. He's doing an exception.

Drew was.

So Jake is doing an exceptional job humbling me. And I feel like each of our kids have a purpose for me. Jake's is to humble me. He's doing a great job.

Due date did change a couple times.

It did, it did. So that's, you know, that was. That was interesting, too.

Just a little bit.

Yeah. Threw us off a little bit. And we have decided that 30. Well, 40 weeks, four days is when I went into labor. And it's so funny. Marcus was doing bedtime for the boys with our older boys, and I was laying on our bed, and I was riding out some show notes for a podcast episode that I wanted to do about going over your due date. And as I'm laying there, it's eight o'. Clock. I write out the fourth point, and the episode was about going over your due date and just, like, how great it can be. And the fourth point was, you know, just kind of surrendering, being completely in surrender that it's going to happen when it's supposed to happen. And I kid you not, I put a period on that flipping point, and my water broke right there on our bed. I was laying on my side and I just. I was like, are you kidding me?

Good timing right there.

It was. It was really remarkable timing. Just God's hand, for sure. So I hear my water broke. I feel My water break. I stand up and I, you know, you feel that rush of adrenaline. He doesn't know. We know you feel that rush of adrenaline. And I'm trying to, like, talk myself down because it's already 8 o' clock at night and I'm like holding holy. What are we in for for this night? Am I gonna have like a wicked fast labor or what? And I even told myself, and I told Marcus I am not having the baby at 5 in the morning. Like, I am just not doing that. The baby is going to come before 5 in the morning. And we'll get to that part. We'll get there. Anyway, so I make my way to get cleaned up. I wanted to take a fast shower and. And I wanted to find like a cute way to tell Marcus that I was in labor. So I was trying to, like, hurry, get cleaned up. I mean, my pajama pants were soaked. So I wanted to find a cute way to tell you that I was in labor. So I get in the shower and as soon as I turn the shower off, I open the curtain and I'm about to step out. And then Marcus walks into our room. And I'm like, just thinking in my head, this is the cute way I'm going to tell you, having the baby. And I remember I told him, I said, are you ready to have the baby tonight? What was that like for you? You came in the door, I'm getting out the shower, and I tell you that we're having the baby.

The. The PG rated version.

All hot and bothered. All hot and bothered by my cute pregnant.

Oh, I was distracted. I was excited.

Well, what were you.

To have the baby. To have the baby?

Yes. Yes, to have the baby. Yeah. So I told you, are you ready to have baby? And I remember you're like, what? And I'm like, my water broke.

I said, are you serious?

Are you serious? Yeah. And I was like, my water broke. And honestly, I felt really flooded with fears. And I wasn't expecting that. That part was really hard for me because my water breaking first reminded me of our first birth with Liam, because my water broke first with him. And that labor and delivery was honestly just like the most difficult for me. I mean, obviously, first time going through everything, and I had convinced myself that if your water breaks first, everything else is more intense. And when my water broke first, I was like, oh, man, that means this is going to be a super intense labor, a super intense delivery. And I had like, my mind was just rushing with these feelings, fears. I felt that surge of Adrenaline. I was just really trying to work myself back down into, like, this level place. And what a blessing. There were no contractions, just not even a single glimmer of them. So that was another reason that I was like, oh, man, what are we in store?

Pause. The first time her water broke.

Just closer. Go ahead.

The first time her water broke, she's.

On an exercise ball, just bouncing with our first son. Yes.

Yep. And then her water broke and we both got super excited and we were like, didn't know what to do because it was our first time. And she goes running down the hall and I'm all excited. So I started chasing her to get the play by play to see what's going on. And my first experience with water breaking was me stepping on it with socks on.

We had carpet in our first house. I go running down the hall to get to the shower. And yes, Marcus came trailing after and he was like, so stepping in. It was a lot of water.

That was a side story, though.

Yeah. So we all have our own unique experiences with water breaking. So anyway, water breaks at 8 o'. Clock. We start understanding, like, okay, we're probably going to have the baby tonight. I'm trying to keep myself. Yeah, game time. Trying to keep myself more leveled out, lowered and. And get into, like, my affirmations, what I've been journaling for my I am statement. Like, really get my head into a place of just, it's here, it's time now surrender. Like, you just have to be in that state. And contractions. An hour goes by. We're sitting on the porch swing, and after the hour mark, I had had my first contraction and I was like, okay, I can do this. Like, I can work with this. And mind you, when your water breaks, it's not just like, oh, it broke. And now there's nothing else happening. Like, it continues to leak and. And leak and leak and leak. So I'm, like, laying on the porch swing and I. As I stood up after an hour of laying down with Marcus, there was another, like, gosh of water. And I'm like, holy goodness. So contractions started. They were still so far apart. They were very, like, just like, super light, super light. Where I knew, okay, they're here. And this is. This is. We've got some time. We've got some time for things to warm up. So in the waiting period, we invited a couple family members up that we were planning to have with us for the birth. Um, Liam is so sweet. Our oldest, he's six. He was there for our last Home birth with Drew, who's now 2. And he really wanted to be there for Jake's birth. He kept reminding us, remember to wake me up. I want to be there. And we're like, okay, we'll wake you up. And now it's like 9 o' clock at night. Things are super slow. And I was feeling very tired. I was feeling very tired at 8 o' clock when I was, like, laying on my bed in my pajamas.

We normally go to bed, like, at 9, 9:30.

Yeah. So I was like, okay. And at that point, at 8 o', clock, I was convinced there was no sign of contractions, no nothing. I was convinced I'm not having the baby tonight. Like, and I had told myself, great, I'm gonna get a great night's sleep again, and then maybe I'll go into labor tomorrow. Cause I had this whole plan in my head of how it's gonna go. That when it was like, one thing after the next going opposite of my plan, that it just kept me on my toes of, okay, surrender that too. Accept that too. Surrender, accept, surrender, accept. Um, and anyway, so 9 o', clock, still very minimal contractions. Um, I decided to lay down in bed. And we're just trying to, like, rest. And then 11 o' clock rolls around, and my midwife had made a comment when I called her, and. And she was like, you know, just because your water broke, you may not have the baby for another day. Like, it could still be a while. And I was like, no, no, no, thank you. And I was like, you just. I'll just let you know when to come up. So everyone's on their way to us. And I'm trying to rest and lay down. And then I do that family comes. And now it's like 11 o' clock at night, and contractions were still so far apart. Like, I would get one and I would. It would feel more intense. It was just still so far apart. And Marcus was helping me through a few of those. And I'm curious your perspective on that. I mean, once they started intensifying, he was there the whole time. I'm just saying, like, in the early stages, I'm good, I can handle them. And then the one comes, the one that I'm like, mark, it's literally probably what I sound like.

I thought she just wanted a glass of water, because that's the.

Really need a glass of water. So what is it like for you, though? What's going through your head when I'm starting to experience, like, stronger contractions?

Well, we were super tired at that point, so. But you were super tired and you were having contr contractions, so I couldn't let the tiredness show on my end. So I was like, I can do this for one night. So just what a mindset. Each time a contraction would come, I would just. She would just let me know, and then I would just press on her back and squeeze her hips together and just kind of support her through each one getting teared up.

So Marcus is again, like a huge support for me during my labors. So great during my labor. So those stronger ones started to come around 11. And at 11 o', clock, I remember just telling myself, like, you have to just commit. Like, we're just going to commit. We're going to turn on. I was going to put in my headphones, really listen to my birth music because I was talking to family members and just not like allowing myself to go fully into my labor because it wasn't strong yet.

And.

And I just again, like, I did not want to have a baby at 5 in the morning. I didn't want to be in labor all night. I'm like, literally thinking and asking myself, like, okay, just commit and what can you do to really work with these contractions that you are having? How can you intensify things right now so that you'll progress faster? Is basically the. The mentality I went into it with. I'm like, just intensify it so that you can get through this and have some time to just sleep with your baby tonight. Because we have three other boys that are going to be up early.

That was the scariest part.

Bless them. Bless them in their early hearts. We are an early rising family because of our children. So, yeah, around 11 o', clock, I remember, I'm just like, I'm just gonna. I'm just gonna commit. And I put in my headphones and listen to my birth playlist, which I'll link to you guys in the show notes below. And I listen to my birth playlist. I lean further into contractions. I try to just like stay in positions that I know would help my baby get into a great position. And at this point, we didn't know if we were having a or girl, which is really exciting. So this is our second baby that we waited to find out the gender. And just a quick note, because I have him here, I would love for Marcus to tell you what it's like for him to wait to find out the gender. Go ahead, babe.

It was so easy.

Really, though?

No, it was. It was pretty hard. For the first probably like 39 weeks. No, it was. It was pretty good after. I probably accepted it at around week 20, week 25. But that's pretty normal.

Really. So why do you like to find out the gender? With our first two, we found out the gender and with our last two, we did not. And I love. I love just that building anticipation. I think it is so fun and I just think it's so cool that there are very few real surprises in life. And while like, you know you're going to get a baby, like, it's not going to be something different than a baby. It's going to be a boy or girl. You can prepare for either. So I really like to build up the anticipation for it. And it does take some convincing to get Marcus seeing the vision with me on what I think. So what do you like about knowing the gender?

I personally like being prepared. So since we have three boys, I know what to expect when. If we were just to have another boy, but if it was a girl, I have no idea. I. That's not. That's not me. I grew up with three brothers. No, just I haven't grown up with. I'm mostly just boy cousins. I think I only have one or I have two girl cousins.

Yeah. So I think for us too. I've just always had the vision that we would have four boys. So for me, I never even believed.

That way more than four. Two cousins, two girl cousins. I have more than that.

Thank you for clarifying.

But they live far away, so. But anyways, I digress. Just fact checking myself.

Perfect.

Here for you guys.

So anyways, I've always had the vision of us having four boys. So whenever I get pregnant, I just automatically assume it's a boy. That my whole pregnancy with literally all four of my boys, I thought we were having a boy. And I remember with our last one with Drew, Marcus thought it was a girl. He was convinced that Drew was a girl. And I remember I have a video during my labor that Marcus took and he was like, baby Remy's on the way because we loved the name Remy. And I was like, it's baby Drew. And then it came out to be baby Drew. And we were so, so enthused that it was a boy. So we are definitely the people that were out with our four boys. And people are like, oh, you never got a girl? And we're like, oh, my gosh, we totally lucked out with all boys.

Like, we just like we wrote out in the game plan.

Yes, we, we love, love, have being Parents to boys. It. I mean, we both just really love it. So anyway, going back to the birth story around 11:30, I'm like, hey, game on. Gotta commit. I'm gonna intensify these contractions. I'm gonna work with my body. I'm gonna get this baby here. And my midwife checked me around. What time is it? 11:30ish.

Yeah, it's pretty close to that.

Yeah, 11:30, because the contractions were picking up. And with Drew, with my third birth, she checked me and she got there and I was at a 6. And things progressed so quickly after that. So I wanted her to check me, to kind of just let me know where I'm at so I could just kind of get my head in this place of, we're progressing. This is great. Keep going. So I have her check me, and she's like, you're out of five. And I was like, great, this is great. We can go with a five. Things are going to progress quickly from here. And I was pumped and still, like, I was pumped in a. In a manner of. Let's keep going. Because with Drew, I feel like I got myself really excited that my labor slowed down and that was. Didn't know that happens when you get excited. So with Jake, I purposely wanted to, like, just say, okay, I got this. Let's keep going. Well, then a couple of. What was it? Around 1:30 maybe? So maybe a couple hours later, 1:30. Ish. My contractions felt very intense. I was convinced that I was reaching the point of. What's that word? You know, when you're listening to this episode, you know the word I'm talking about? Transition. You're reaching the point of transition. And I was feeling really nauseous, hot, cold. And that's one thing. I was really grateful that we had family members there. And Liam actually came into our room around one in the morning, like always. I can count on my fingers how many times he has not slept in our room in the past three years. So bless him, he's sweet. Anyway, he comes to the room at 1, around 1:30. I'm like, this is really intense. And Liam having our six year old there. If you're at all on the fence of, like, having your kids involved in your birth, I just want to give you a huge piece of encouragement that they will blow you away. With Liam, I've never, like, shown him videos about other people's births or really talked much about it besides, like, the facts of what happens during labor. And then I talk to him when I'm in labor. So he's, like, constantly reassured that I'm okay. This just feels hard. It feels intense. It feels difficult, and I'm still okay. Like, I'm so excited to meet the baby, and I'm able to talk to him. Well, this time, like, with my third birth, Liam was very. Just on the side watching, like, from a little bit of a distance. And this time, he was very close the whole time. He wanted in on the action. What was that like for you, having Liam be there? That he was like, I'm. I'm thinking of when I was still in our room before I went into the bath, when I was still in our room. And he's, like, taking the cold rag from. Because I had prepared some cold rags in my fridge, knowing that I get really hot when I'm in labor. So he's taking cold rags and, like, press them on my forehead, holding them for me, holding him on my shoulders. You remember that? What was that like for you, seeing him do that for me?

So backing up to Drew's birth and having him there, I was super nervous for him to see that, because I was like, I don't know. I don't know how he's going to. I don't even know how I'm going to respond each time. But so Tessa goes through contractions, and she's kind of making, like, a. Trying to. Trying to be accurate. But anyways, so, like, through those, Liam looks concerned for a second, so I just told him that that's okay because mom's just speaking whale right now.

That is not true. I told Liam that that's not true. So this is a funny thing that Marcus does. He takes our experiences and then switches roles between him and I, where he puts himself as what I did and puts me as what he did, which is not true. Go watch. Go listen to Drew's birth story. The entire accurate account is there where Liam came into our room. I was in the bathtub. I was already, like, at the point of transition. I probably had, like, 40 minutes left in my labor, and I was very vocal, and they were really freaking intense. And I remember you were at the doorway with Liam, and I was like, liam, hey, buddy. And I was like, your baby's coming. We didn't know if it was boy or girl. I was like, the baby's coming. And I was like, I just have to work really hard to get the baby here, so I'm gonna make some noises to help me get the baby here. And I was like, remember in Finding Nemo, when Dory talks to whales. I was like, it's gonna sound like I'm talking to whales. Just like Dory.

And he's like, okay, there we go.

You're telling me right now. Look me in the eye. You're telling me right now it's not how it happened.

No.

Huh?

Because I said that. Just like the barefoot blue jean night. But anyways, that's a. That's a whole different story.

We'll pin it. It's all right. Either way, that was said to Liam, and that helped him.

Just to help him understand what's going on. And it helped him a ton because whenever she was going through a contraction, he just started laughing.

So, anyway, I just want to encourage you that if you've ever been on the fence about having your kids involved, We've had wonderful experiences with our. I mean, he was four for Drew's birth, and he was six for Jake's birth. And it's. I'm so glad that he was there.

He did really awesome. It was fun.

I'm so glad that he was there. So around 11 o'.

Clock.

I mean, around 1 o', clock, Liam comes into the room. I'm still in our bedroom at this point. We had started the bath because it felt really intense. I'm like, the baby's got to be, like, coming. Like, this is really intense. And mind you, my water bag had broken, so everything felt more dense. And Liam was so sweet. He was playing with my hair, and he was reminding him the affirmation cards that we made together and putting cold rags on my forehead, on my neck, and that was really sweet. And then the family members that we had come. I needed a fan. Blowing in my face was so much relief. So there was one family member that literally just held our fan because I didn't think to buy one that, like, could just be positioned into a spot. So she held the fan so that it was, like, blowing into my face the whole time. That was. That was huge. Very grateful for that. And then Marcus is doing the counter pressure for me. And then around 1:30 in the morning, I get into the bath, and I.

That's when my work really started. Yeah, I poured about, not even exaggerating. I think that it was probably close to about 400 gallons of water on.

Testable, just taking a cup. And I love that feeling when I'm in labor. It's. I mean, the water during labor is so relieving. It just. It just brings so much relief. And it's warm and, oh, man, it's the best. And you don't want to feel too hot though, so just make sure you have those cold rags and a fan. That helps a lot. So anyway, Marcus has a cup and he takes the cup and he pours water on my back. He takes the cup, he pours water in my back over and over and over and over and over again. And it's hard because when you're just like in labor, like that time is beyond you. Like there's no, there's no comprehension of time. Like how much time it's been between contractions or since he poured the last cup of water on you.

We just knew that we were both tired at that point.

Yeah, we both felt so, so tired. And I again was convinced. Like, it's got to be soon. It's got to be soon. And these contractions were so wild. I mean, very intense for me. And I was in the bath and I remember falling asleep between contractions in the flipping bathtub in the water. I was on my side and I was dozing off between them because I just felt so exhausted. And then it was around 4 in the morning. So from 1:30 to 4, I am still in the bath and he is pouring cups of water on me for over two and a half hours. Just cups after cups after cups. My sister in law's holding this fan. Like everyone's just a big, big support of me. And I'm feeling completely exhausted because I had one been up for so long. I'm over my due date. The labor so intense. Like, I just, it really felt like I gave everything that I had to give. And there were times that it just felt like it's not enough. Like everything that I have to give isn't enough. And that's just not at all how I anticipated my labor to go. When I was journaling who I believe I am, it just, it felt really hard for me to come to terms with that. And it actually took me a couple of days after Jake's birth to see the bigger picture of and like take everything into consideration, to see just how challenging and difficult that was for me and be able to give myself the grace. It took me. It took me a couple days. I honestly felt disappointed that it was that hard for me. I just, I think I had it in my head like, the baby's just gonna fall out. Like I heard so many people say, oh, it's your fourth, it's gonna fall out of you. This baby's just coming quick. You're gonna have such a fast labor. Like, I had this story built up in my head about how easy it was gonna be that I didn't really consider how difficult it could be. And then when I was in the thick of the difficulty, I was like, this is really. This is a lot. And I remember I was, like, praying just like, please, please, please, let this be near the end. Like, let this be one of the last ones. Let the baby come. Like, please. Just really begging, God, honestly. And it was probably about 4. 4 in the morning that I. My midwife was like, do you want me to check you again? And I'm like, yes, I need. I need some hope. I need someone.

She delivered.

Yes. So my midwife checks me again while I'm in the bath, and she goes, okay, you're about. What did she say, like, 80% effaced, like, the thinning of your cervix. She's like, you're about 80% effaced, so just a little bit more to go there. And she didn't tell me how dilated I was. And I was like, hold on. Excuse me. You're forgetting a very important piece of information that I am looking for. Tell me how freaking dilated I am. She's like, well, you know, you're just. You're right there. You're really close. And I was like, no, I actually want to know the number. Tell me the number. And she said that I was at a 5. And I. That was when the disappointment really, really hit me like a freaking ton of bricks. And it just. I. It's like the hope that I was holding on to left. And it. It was like this little bit of time that I felt so defeated. I felt so disappointed. It felt so freaking hard to still be at a five. And I remember telling her, a five. I'm only out of five. I'm like, I can't keep doing this. I can't do this. And she told me she raises her voice occasionally when I'm in labor.

She.

She raised her voice and was like, dilation doesn't matter. Dilation doesn't matter. It's about being a face. Like, you just need to get 100, and then the dilation can come so quickly. And I was like, I mean, seriously, what are you gonna do at this point? What are you gonna do? So I just reasoned with myself, what are you gonna do, Tessa? Get back into it. You got to be in it to win it. You're not going anywhere. The baby still needs to come.

Like, I'm just still over here like this.

I need some cups of water.

Consistency.

Yes. I. That was. That was really hard for Me, that was just. That was a really hard part for me. And anyway, so that was around 4 in the morning. And then she was like, do you want to try my favorite position to like, get things to get along faster? And I was like, now I'll do anything at this point. I was like, go ahead, tell me. And so she tells me the position to get in. And that intensified things much more because, I mean, you're feeling so tired. So it's like you try to find a comfortable position and sometimes a comfortable position stalls things out. So you're kind of like, what do I need more comfort and rest or progression and to get the baby here? And I was choosing comfort and rest for a while and that was hard too, because then you're still in it longer. So I get into position and being in that position for like 40 minutes. And fortunately my contractions were still pretty far apart. They were just massively intense when they would come. And, you know, I was in the bath and I honestly felt super in control of myself. Like maybe I just felt so tired that there was no, there was nothing left of me to fight against what needed to happen. I was like, so be it, happen. So, yeah, that's probably the point that I'd reached. So I got into that position, stayed there for about 40 minutes and then just like my midwife said, in those 40 minutes I had dilated to a 10. I was 100 effaced. And Jake was starting to get into like the, the crowning position. And I kind of felt, I kind of felt. I didn't really realize this until afterwards. Marcus and Liam, our six year old was right next to the bathtub and Liam was kind of like pushing Marcus out of the way. What was that like for you? Normal Liam is seriously just a momma's boy. He's. He's my buddy. He's so close to me. He's so, so. He's so great with me. He loves me so much. And sometimes I feel like he competes with Marcus for my attention. So that. What was that like for you though? And you know, having Liam right there and you're trying to experience bringing our fourth child into the world and Liam is trying to experience welcoming his brother.

Yeah, it was. I was. I mean, we're still all really close. It's not like our bathroom is ginormous or anything like that, so.

Close knit bathroom.

Yeah. And the last time for Drew, I keep going back to Drew's birth because that one was like I caught the baby on Drew. So, like, I didn't know that was gonna happen either. So she. The same midwife, Tess is pushed, and she's like, all right, the baby's coming. I'm all excited. She goes, marcus, just come right here. And then I was like, do I need gloves? Like, what? Like, what caught me. That's the most I've ever been caught off guard in my entire life. But so being two feet away from Tessa instead of one wasn't a big deal?

Yeah, yeah.

Our boys, then Tessa. I already knew Tessa was. She was like, she's about to.

Well, that was the thing when I got into the position to push, and Marcus and Liam are right at the edge of the bathtub. My midwife is on the other side, like, by my feet and helping me get into the right position to deliver Jake. It has been a true desire of mine to be able to catch my own baby. Like, I just. I see these videos of women doing it, and I'm like, that is incredible.

Like, insane.

It's just. It's truly just. I mean, it just blows my mind every time. I'm like, I just. I've never. In my previous three births, I've never felt in a place where I'm like, that in tune and that connected. I honestly feel like I get to this place of out of control. Like, you feel out of control it when I deliver my babies. That feels like, the most intense part for me, and I'm just like, head down. Get the baby out. This is really intense, really painful for me. I just need the baby here and for this to be over. And although it's been, like, a desire of mine, I just never knew how. Like, how do I get myself into a place where I'm aware enough to catch my baby and not just, like, let the baby go?

I described it as. It's like playing. And one basketball that's like.

Like, you're already doing something.

You're already. Yeah, you're already playing at the highest level. Now you're just putting tricks to everything.

When I told him that I wanted to be able to deliver Jake, because we had talked about when I was about 20 weeks, 25 weeks along, like, what do you want the birth to be like? And what do I want the birth to be like? And getting on the same page there, and I was like, gosh, I would just really love to catch the baby myself. Like, I would. I would just love to do that. And that's. Marcus said, that's like. And one basketball. Like, you're already doing something really impressive, and then you're just like, Putting tricks in there, too. It was great. It was. It was fun. And I told my. And we, again, didn't know the gender, so I just. I knew the baby's coming. I just told my midwife, whoever catches the baby, I want to be the one to see the gender first. So just bring the baby right up to me, and I will see the baby first. And it was such a gift, like, an enormous gift, that my contractions were so far apart, because that, I feel, like, helped me be able to communicate. That's what I really want. And then my midwife was like, well, why don't you just catch the baby yourself? And I was like, wait, I think I can do that.

Like, I was like, here we go. I was like, no, I only got two of them.

I was like, I. I can do that. Like, I. I can do that. And friends, lo and behold, we had the baby at 5 in the morning, literally. Was it 501 or, like, it was, like, just barely a minute after five in the morning. And this is why I'm saying Jake's purpose is to humble me. Every time I'm like, no, it's a hard yes. And every time I'm like, yes, I'm ready for that. It doesn't happen. It's. It's remarkable how many times that happens with this boy, that I'm, like, humbled. Here we are humbled. I'm like, jake, you just tell me. Like, I'm. You just tell me and I'll believe it because that's the way it's been. So it's time to deliver the baby. We're super excited. Liam is a gosh. Oh. I was, like, really, really, really in my body and in the moment and experience, and it took 10 minutes of pushing to get him here, and that was really. That was mostly positional. I chose to be on my back, and for me, personally delivering that slows things down. And I just wanted to be comfortable in the water. So I buckled up, called myself buttercup, and got it there, said, here we are. So, right when the baby was crowning, though, I have it on a video, Liam had said, oh, my gosh, I can see his head. Like, he was. So. I don't know if you remember that Liam was in the perfect spot to, like, see everything, and he wanted to. So, like, no one told him he has to stand there or anything. He just. He wanted to be right there with me and with you and a part of this, like, literal miracle. And it's like he just truly sees it for what it is a complete miracle. Like, and he has. He has the enthusiasm to go with that, and that makes it really special.

And the energy and the energy.

Energy and enthusiasm. Yeah.

He's.

He's just like, wow. Like, God did this. Like, he's just so. It's so refreshing. It's honestly just so refreshing. Um, so anyway, the baby's head's coming through, and Liam, I have it on that video, and I love it so much. She was just so giddy with excitement. Like, I can see the baby's head. I will love that forever. Um, and then my midwife was like, okay, reach down. Like, you can catch your baby. One or two more pushes, and. And fortunately, it was very, very smooth. Once he was ready to be delivered, it was super smooth. I was able to catch him, bring him right up to me. We put a blanket on him, and I waited. I. I remember waiting. I probably waited, like, two minutes, which felt way longer than those two minutes to see the gender. And, like, no one had seen the gender because the baby was brought right up to me. The towel was put on, and then I just held him, and I just. I just talked to him, and I said, like, thank you, God. Like, I was so grateful that it was over and that my baby was healthy. My baby was here. I'm healthy. My family's together. I was just. I just felt overwhelmed with gratitude. Just, like, sincere gratitude. That's how. That's how I felt. What did you feel before knowing if Jake was a boy or a girl? Baby's out. Baby's here. What was that like for you?

It was just the. It was like anticipation on a. On a level I've never experienced, because she. Just sitting there for. She says two minutes. It was, like, 45 minutes.

Okay. The only reason why I actually know it was two minutes is because there's a video.

So I thought it was probably like, two minutes.

I thought it was.

She's just holding them, and it's pretty emotional. Like, when you're just sitting there and you're like, dang, you're just holding a life and doesn't matter. It just doesn't matter. Like, everything's just, like, she's healthy. The. The baby is just calm. He's pretty.

He was so calm. Yeah, he was so calm.

Just sitting on her chest or. Yeah, just sitting on her chest. So that happened probably for, like, two minutes. And then she. Then she was. I was like, okay, now we can.

No, I remember I was. I was. I had him on my chest, and I was just talking to him. And I was waiting for some cries, and I just wanted to look at him. Like, I just. I just wanted to take in our baby. Like, that's all I wanted. And it was so sweet to just, like, stretch and savor that time before, like, rushing into the next thing. And that's one of my favorite parts about home birth worth, is not that they're so intense. That's not my favorite part. My favorite part is truly that you're just. You're undisturbed, you're uninterrupted. You're. You're in your own space. You can do things your own way. You can really get in tune with yourself, and you can just stretch the times that you want stretched. And again, work with your body in ways that you want to go faster. Like, when I say I want to be in this. Let's get going, I get to make that decision. And then when the baby's here and I just want to be in this moment longer, and I want to stretch it out further and just savor it. That's like, the best word I can describe for that moment is, like, savor it. I can do that. And I'm grateful that we've done home births with the last three. Like, that's been literally one of the best decisions we've made as parents. And it did take a lot of information to get us both to a comfortable place of making those decisions and.

And location. And there's. There's a bunch of factors that put me on board for home births, because it is. It's. It's a crazy decision. Once you're, like, thinking about, like, should we have a baby in our room? Like, that's kind of a weird question.

Yeah, it sounds weird. However, I mean, this is a. This is a topic for another day about home births. It's so natural. Like, your body is completely designed to do this. So it's honestly bizarre that we think it's weird, like, to me, in my.

Perspective, but it's understandable, like, if you're far away from a hospital, like, just in case happen. For sure do happen.

Yeah, things happen.

But to comparing, like, our first hospital birth to even, like, Jake's birth, that was a. That was a beautiful moment. And then Liam being born, like, it was still. It was still beautiful, but it was kind of. It's kind of chaotic. Yeah, it's like a lot of things are going on. He's like, there's. They have, like. They had like, some kind of. I came, like a Bluetooth. Something attached. I can't Remember.

Yeah, I. There's.

There's just a lot of beeping, and.

There was a lot going on with Liam's birth. That's a story. Yeah, we remember that story. Yeah. So just the differences, though, from our hospital birth with Liam to the home births, I mean, having your kids a part of it is so beautiful. If any of my other boys had expressed real interest in it then, or if they had come to the room, I would have been totally comfortable with it. My thing was I wanted them to come on their own. I wanted that to be their choice. And with Liam, I can count on him making his way to my room and being there in time. So I didn't. I didn't feel concerned, like, oh, I should wake him up. Um, and he did an incredible job being awake from one in the morning to literally, he took a nap that day at, like, 10 in the morning. So he was up that whole time with a great attitude. Just over the moon with us, snuggling. Um, so anyway, the two minutes go by, though. I'm holding the baby, and then I'm finally like, okay, I'm ready to see. Do we have a little boy? Do we have a little girl? Is this Remy? Is this Jake? Like, we kind of had our names picked out, and I just. I already knew it was a boy. I really did. And just the confirmation of that moment of, like, yes. Of all the things that I. Of all the things that I thought were gonna happen during this and the way that I thought it was gonna go almost, it just was all so completely different that it wouldn't have surprised me if it was a girl, because everything else was different. And I'm just. I felt overwhelmed with gratitude that it was a boy. And I lift up the towel, and I see, and I put the towel back down. I just start laughing. So. So grateful.

Was that a laugh?

I was. I was laughing. I was just laughing. Just grateful and overjoyed. And, like, one of my. Truly my longest and biggest dream, to have four boys. Like, in that moment, it became reality. And, like, I feel so emotional saying that, because it's true. It's my longest dream. It's my biggest dream, and it's here, and I have a picture of our family right in front of us. So I just look at my four boys, like, I'm living my dream. It's the coolest thing. It's the coolest thing that I'm living my dream. And I've thought about four boys for 10 years since we got married. I've just. I'VE had this, this, this dream in my heart and, and I, I wanted it so badly. And for 10 years I held onto that dream like this is, this is it, this is what I'm gonna have. And, and it happened. And obviously that's a lot out of my control. So I just think it's, it's God's way of like winking at me almost like I see you, I see what you want, I see what, I see your efforts. I see how much you care about this and how pure this desire is for you. And ah, the emotions with it though, man, there's something. So I've got my four boys. It was Jake. I told, I told everybody it's a boy. And they, they're so excited and, and that was really just wonderful. Just wonderful. And then we just stayed in the bath again. Time feels like it. I mean you're just, you live outside the bounds of time is what it feels like during birth and meeting your baby. So we stayed in the bath for a while and everything was smooth, everything was healthy. And then it was like 5:30 that Luke, our 4 year old, came in the room. He woke up very early that morning. He came into the room and by that time we were all in the bed. So he got to meet Jake and then Drew was up at like 6 in the morning. So they all.

You slept in?

Yeah. Well, just like as parents, we have been doing something so intense all night. Like really just literally laboring and working so hard all night. And then all three now four of our children are awake. We all felt exhausted. Even the family that we had there, they pulled an all nighter too. So I would say like that first day as a family of six was so, I mean, just wow, like we're here, we're doing it. And very. It was, it was, it was challenging. It was really challenging. The first, the first couple days after having Jake, that's another episode where we're gonna talk about the, the. What's the word I'm thinking of when you go from one baby to two? Like which?

Transition.

Well, transition was. Is it the same word again? Transition? No.

Is it transitioning from one to two?

Yeah, we could use transition here. But you know, just the journey of going from like 0 to 1, 1 to 2, 2 to 3, 3 to 4. I thought nothing was going to be harder than 0 to 1. And that's not true. That is not true. Again, I'm humbled.

So having a newborn and a two year old is, is intense.

Yeah. Which, and it didn't feel that way though, when Liam was two and we had Luke, it didn't feel, I don't remember it feeling that intense. I really think it's like a six year old's new behaviors, attitudes, emotions. A four year old's desire to be like, doing what you're doing. A two year old needing so much help from you and then a newborn relying completely on you is like, wow, wow. So we're gonna do another episode though, about, about the aftermath, what it looked like after we had Jake. We just wanted to have some time to share his birth story and, and really just share our hearts about how grateful we are to have this family dynamic. It is truly a dream come true for us and we hope that it inspires other families to have more babies. Pursue your dreams, have a close family, put a lot of intention into the way that you're parenting, the way that you're showing up as a spouse, who you believe you are. It's just, you're never gonna regret it. Like you're never gonna regret doing all of this. And yes, it's going to feel challenging. And when you expect the challenge, it's like the challenge comes up and this is what I've learned. If you just expect the challenge, you expect it to be difficult. When it happens, you almost have one up on it where you're like, I was waiting for you. Like, I knew you were coming. I knew this was happening. Let's freaking go. Buckle up. I've got this. And it's easier to keep that mindset about it. So anyway, just any final words from the man of my dreams?

I will say the, the difference between like the growth that we've had since before having any kids going into our first birth, going to now, like where we're at now and like with what we know and what we've learned. Because one thing that we both continuously work on is, is just our, our mindsets and, and personal development has been huge for both of us, especially in the last six years with, with all of our kids. But it is crazy how much it can help you go through like challenging times or, or like going through births. Like having, having like the affirmation cards was a huge one and I wouldn't have thought of like, hey, do you have your affirmation cards for, for Liam's birth, our oldest and. But yeah, the, just the amount of work that we've put into ourselves. I think that when these challenges do come, it prepares us so much because like, I like being prepared but it makes it to where just the you get to enjoy things a lot more when you are in control of how you, like, perceive whatever's going on. But yeah, the birth and going through, like, this last one was awesome. Even though, like, nothing was expected. Like, everything kind of. We just adapted to pretty much everything, like, with pretty minimal, like, surprise. It was just kind of like we just shifted or pivoted. Said, now we got to do this. Like, this is what we got to do. And we worked as a team together. I think it's huge for just both, both you and your spouse to be on the same page with a lot of that stuff. Because if. If you're not, then that whole birth could have gone away, could have gone away different.

There could have been a lot of stress or fear, anxiety. And we didn't have that because, like you said, we just. We kept pivoting. We kept allowing ourselves to say, like, live with acceptance. This is happening. This is what we're gonna do. This is happening. This is what we're gonna do. This is happening. This is what we're gonna do. And pushing forward through it. And it was. It was just great. It was. It was great. And I mean, having four kids is. It's. It's literally a dream come true. I keep laughing because there are some really challenging moments in it, and I've just. I've personally never loved myself more as a person. And seeing myself be the mother that I am to them is like. It's like healing for me every single day. I have a lot of work to do as a wife. 100. And, you know, I. I'm definitely progressing in that area too. So. You're what? Everything you're saying is just spot on. The way that you grow as a person, when you allow yourself to, I mean, I think it's just allowing someone else to be completely reliant and dependent on you. You have no choice, really, but to grow. And if you choose not to grow, then it's not just you that gets the short end of that. It's them too. And I think having that much at stake, you're like, the consequences. Being that great, you get yourself into a space of growth much faster than you would have if you didn't have kids. And, you know, I just. I'm grateful for all the challenge. I'm grateful for the way that we've needed to learn to rely on one another, to juggle things, to manage things, to be more organized people, to be dependable. To see ourselves as dependable has been a huge blessing. So have all the babies, friends, moral of the story. Last question. Last question for Marcus. Marcus, are we having another baby new? You're on campus. Amen. Okay. Okay.

I feel really good about. About having four. So.

Four is a dream. Four is a dream. Four is a dream. We. We really do, as a family, feel complete. I'm such a visionary type of person where I can literally see an idea for 10 years and know, this is happening, this is happening, this is happening. And it's so interesting. Right before we had Jake, I. I thought for sure we're gonna have six kids. And I had gotten him open to the idea of possibly five. He had made one comment one day in the kitchen, like, for. Well, remember that. Oh, he had said, remember that next time, because I had said something about pregnancy. He's like, well, just remember that next time. And I almost missed that comment. And then it, like, processed in my head. And I looked over at him and I just went right up to him and gave him a big kiss and a big hug. Because to me, that meant he. He's considering it. It doesn't have to be a yes or no. I don't have to know if we're ever going to have more kids. It's just like the. The idea that you would be willing to even just like, hold that dream for me regardless if it ever comes true meant so much to me. And now that Jake's here, it's so interesting. I really haven't had an idea of, like, having another baby. I love. I love having a baby. This newborn time with Jake has been, I mean, just truly one that I've learned to, like, be in it and cherish it and savor it and not rush it. And it's been, gosh, I wish I knew how to do that with my others, honestly. And I'm grateful that I had this experience with him. Just to be able to do that, it feels like a once in a lifetime opportunity. And it is. And while I had the opportunity with my others, I truly. I didn't know how. I honestly didn't know how. And now I do. And I'm so grateful that I've been able to do that with him that it's like one thing after the next getting checked off my list of dreams, that when I look at my four boys, I'm like, this is us. This is. This is our family. These are our four boys. And I don't really have a vision beyond that of having more kids now. The vision's just like, what's it gonna look like with my four teenagers standing next to me? And being a part of their life. And, I mean, Liam's making comments like, mom, can I be a mom set coach? And I'm like, oh, my gosh, of course. So I just. I'm really excited for what's to come, and if we do or don't have any more kids, I. It's not that I want to have a yes or no answer to that. It's just. Just. It feels really good to feel whole and complete and, like, God just winked at us, you know? He's just like, here you go. I see you. I see what you're doing. I'll give you that one. And I. I'm grateful. I'm really grateful. So it's okay that he says no, it's all right.

We do work really well as a team, though, so we do teamwork.

Teamwork makes the dream work. Friends. All right, well, we're gonna wrap up this episode. Thank you so much for your time. I know this one was a lot bit more lengthy. It was just fantastic having my husband here. He is truly just everything and so much more for me, and I'm looking forward to bringing him on to more episodes with us. So share your feedback with us. We'd love to hear it. How many kids do you have? Your birth experiences? What do you want your next newborn or this newborn experience to be? And honestly, please just remember, your kids are only this old. Like, however old they are, just put the word only there. And instead of they're already six. Like, no, he's only six and he's only four, and he's only two, and he's only 11 weeks. And when you keep your head there, it just opens up so much more space for you to see yourself as the mom that you want to be for them at the age that they are. You don't need to rewind times. Not possible. Anyway, just. Just look at it right now. Like, gosh, they're only. Even if your kids are 18, they're only 18, you're still older than them. What would it be like for you to go back and be 18? 18. I'm. I'm serious. Like, gosh, they're. They're still so young. They're still so little, and they look up to you. They really do. They really look up to you. So thank you for your time. Thanks for doing this with me, babe. Appreciate it.

Gotcha.

We'll see you guys soon. Oh, my sweet friend, thank you for joining me on this week's episode of the momset podcast. Please take a minute to leave a review and share the show. If you loved it, I'd love to stay connected as we continue to learn and grow in motherhood right alongside each other.