12. "I Deserve it" Mindset

Hello, my beautiful friend, and welcome to the Mind Body Alignment podcast. This is a place for us to come together and not only understand who we are, but how to become exactly who we want to be while developing the right skills and tools to help us do so. I'm your coach, Tessa Harrell, and I can't wait to get started. I deserve it. I deserve it. Can you pick it up, flip it and reverse it? That's right. We're talking about that I deserve it mentality, mindset, whatever you want to call it. Because I think it's putting you in a very difficult position trying to change anything about your lifestyle and your habits when you're constantly telling yourself, well, I deserve it. And I have a lot of clients that say this to me. Friends, family, I've said it myself. We all get to that point of just like, I don't want to do xyz, I'd rather do abc because I deserve blank. So let's paint the picture. Yeah, let's like set the tone and the mood for a second. Let's say you've been chasing your kids all day long, preparing the meals for them, doing all the things, making sure that they get outside and get that sunshine, which makes you a little bit more tired too. Prioritizing the schoolwork that they need to get done, the housework that needs to be done. Like all of the things, just imagine all of the things that you do in a day and now fast forward to, I don't know, 7, 8, 9 o', clock, and your kids are finally going to sleep and the house is finally quiet. Maybe you work a full time job and you come home, see your kids and, you know, so just imagine your life and things are finally quiet in the evening. How much you go through in a day. You finally get to that quiet time. What do you say? What do you say? Do you have the same thoughts that you had in the morning of, Nope, Tonight's going to be different. I'm going to sit down, I'm going to do my journaling, I'm going to do a workout after my kids go to sleep. I'm gonna meal prep for the next week to come. Like, how many things did you promise yourself that you were gonna do that morning? And then by time, nighttime comes and it all kind of catches up with you. It's quiet. And that temptation to just sit down and turn on the tv, grab a snack, pour your glass of wine, scroll your phone is just calling you to the couch. Imagine that you're there. And now pause for a Second, like, you told yourself that you were gonna do all these things in the morning, so now the evening's here, why aren't you doing them? Well, genuinely, you could be feeling really tired. So we tell ourselves, I deserve to relax, right? I deserve to watch my show. I deserve to just do whatever the heck I want because I've done everything for everyone else all day long, and this is the thing that I'm going to do for me. Fair. Fair. I can see why we do that. And. And I'm sure you can, too, as you're listening to this. However, after how many nights of this going on, it might be a week that this lasts. A month, a year, a couple years. How long does this go on before we say, wow, I actually really don't think I deserve to waste all this time to neglect myself. I don't deserve to break promises and commitments that I make to myself. Like, you can't just look at it as I deserve to watch this show. You need to think about how you deserve to feel. What do you deserve to have? What do you deserve to experience? Like, think about it in terms much deeper than the superficial. Turn on the show. I deserve to turn on the show. So, going back to our perfect little picture that we imagined in our head of your life, and you get to the end of the day, how do you feel after the day comes to an end and you turn on that show with your glass of wine and your snack on your lap and you're scrolling your phone and you have the TV on, You know, how do you feel doing that? Mindlessly scrolling, telling your husband, well, what do you want to watch? I don't know. What do you want to watch? I don't know. Just pick something. So you guys just kind of pick something that you never really wanted to watch in the first place. And then you're both on your phones, and before you know it, the snack you guys were sharing is gone. And either someone's going to get up to fill the bowl, or you're like, what the heck just happened? Your glass of wine is gone. And now we're going for seconds. Like, before we know it, two hours went by, and now it's 10, 10:30, 11. And we told ourselves, we promised ourselves that we were gonna go to bed early. How does this happen? Why does this happen? I really think a big part of this comes from that I deserve it mentality that I deserve to do XYZ because of abc. You know, the kids were so hard today, so I deserve to do nothing tonight. Girl, I Believe that you deserve all that you desire. I really do. I think we deserve the things that we desire in this life. And I think obviously it's going to take a lot of work and intention and conscious effort to get to those things, but we definitely, hands down, deserve them. So when you think about that deeper meaning behind what you deserve, think about how it makes you feel to be so mindless every single night, to not connect with the person sitting right next to you every single night. Because you said that you deserve to watch a show that you weren't even excited to watch. No part of you wanted to watch that show. You're scrolling other people's lives on your phone. You're not paying attention to the flavor or how your wine really tastes. You're just doing it to unwind, take the edge off whatever. Um, and the snack itself. Like, I mean, gosh, if you finish the whole bowl without even knowing, are you really even paying attention to that? Do you deserve the feelings that come afterwards? When 11 o' clock hits and you said, gosh, I told myself tonight I was gonna go to bed early. How do we feel after that? Do we feel guilty? Do we feel ashamed? Do we feel low energy? Do we feel depressed, anxious, angry? How do you feel after all of that? I deserve it ends, and you finally have to get yourself to bed and maybe you talk yourself out of washing your face, you know, because that's way too much effort. So then we maybe don't even change into our pajamas and we climb into bed thinking, gosh, tomorrow, I just cannot do this again. I can't do this anymore. Tomorrow's gonna be better. Well, until you change what you believe you deserve the I deserve it mindset. Are you gonna do different tomorrow? No. Because your mindset is so wrapped up in I deserve to unwind. I really do not. Like, I'm just not a fan of the term unwind anymore because of the way that it's been expressed on social media over and over and over. I much rather the term realign. How can you realign yourself at the end of each day? You don't need to unwind. You need to go realign. If you feel like you've slipped out of alignment with the person that you want to be. How can you get back there? Do you need to do some journaling, some reading, stretching? Tell your husband, hey, let's go sit outside tonight and just chat. Let's go chat about our favorite date that we've ever had. Or what's the best part? Like, your favorite part about your Job like, don't let it be a negative conversation that we tend to slip into every night. So think about this. What do you really deserve? What do you really deserve? Because even if you say, well, I deserve to have that time to myself, I agree with you, I agree with you. But how can you spend more quality time with yourself? How can you do that? What does that look like to you? Is it sitting outside? Is it telling your husband, I'm just going to go on a walk around the block by myself? Okay, that sounds freaking heavenly. So maybe, yeah, maybe that's it. Maybe it's taking that bath. Like performing more acts of self care in the terms of quality time can be life changing for you. And it's funny, I was talking with a client of mine about this, this past week of how you can kind of get addicted to two different cycles. You can get addicted to the downward spiral or you can get addicted to that like gust of wind that soars you upward when you start doing the things that help you feel your best. Like you get addicted to the growth or you get addicted to this feeling of, I'm never going to get any better, it's always going to be this hard. I'll never be able to overcome this habit. So where do you feel like you're at? Do you feel like you're addicted to that downward spiral and you don't even know which way's up at this point or where the first step is? Are you there? Or do you feel that gust underneath you that's taking you upward and you're like, yes, yes, yes. I want to keep doing these things because I deserve to feel this good. Think about the things you do on a daily basis. Do you do anything that just helps you feel so freaking good? I think that for me personally, that's my workouts each day, 20 to 30 minutes, not that long. Those workouts help me feel so good. Journaling helps me feel so good. Listening to a really good audiobook about topics that interest me so good. Like, those are things that help me realign myself. Like yes, yes, yes. I can say yes more and be proud of myself for keeping the promises to myself rather than no. Why did I do that? Oh, I never do what I say I'm going to do. I told myself I was going to go to bed on time and I here I am at 11 o' clock at night not doing it. So the first step, in my opinion and my approach to really like changing what you're doing instead of just looking at the actions, like, okay, tomorrow Night. I'm not drinking wine, right? I'm not gonna turn on the tv. I'm not gonna scroll my phone. I'm not gonna grab a snack tomorrow. It's gonna start tomorrow. You have to first understand what I believe to be the. Why you do it? Why do you grab your phone? Why do you have the snack, the wine, the tv? Why do you do these things? Because until you understand why you do something, it is extremely difficult to stop doing it because you've created this pattern to just reach for it. Like, oh, my God, I need it. Oh, my God, I need it. Grab me that again. You gotta get that hit. So once you better understand why you do something, you can think about it a little bit deeper. Like, oh, my gosh, it makes sense why I do what I do now. How can I better help myself overcome it? How can I change what I do effectively? Okay, instead of going for the tv, I have a solid plan to do XYZ instead. I'm going to go journal. I am creating more accountability by telling my husband, hey, I want you and I to read this chapter together tonight. I think it'd be great for us. Or I want you to plan a date for us on the back deck tonight. You know, like, increase that accountability and have that common goal between each other. But first, understand why you do what you do. Why do you numb? That's what it is when someone. If I were to even with myself, if I'm sitting down and I have the TV on and I mindlessly scroll on my phone, eating a snack, drinking, whatever. Like, if I'm doing all this, I'm numbing. I know I'm numbing. And it's important for us to say, whoa, whoa, whoa, hold on, something's off. I don't feel really present right now or conscious of what I'm doing. Why am I doing this? Am I numbing? What's going on? What's the underlying thing? Do I feel disconnected from my partner? Do I feel like today isn't being processed very well and I'm just sitting in this really negative spot, like, what's going on? Because there's a reason why you numb. So that entire idea of the I deserve it mentality. You have got to start thinking about how you deserve to feel, not just what you deserve to do. Sure, we all deserve to sit down and watch some tv. We all deserve to sit down and scroll our phone. We all deserve, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. But how does it make you feel? Do you deserve to feel the way that comes after you do that thing because I don't think you deserve to feel all of that low energy. I don't feel like you deserve to have negative self talk because you broke another promise to yourself. I really don't think we deserve that. And it's not helping your relationship with yourself or anyone around you when we constantly break those commitments to ourself. So if you want to dive a little bit deeper into this, get out a piece of paper because, you know, I'm a journaling fan and I want you to write at the top of the paper just the question I what do I deserve? Okay, so at the top of paper you're writing down what do I deserve? And maybe you want to break this into two parts. You want to have the old mindset. What did you think about prior to this podcast episode that you deserve? Was it the tv? Was it the snack, the wine? The scrolling your phone? Like, what was it that you were saying you deserved? That didn't really serve you. It didn't leave you feeling your best or help you realign yourself at the end of each day. So that's the old mindset. And now maybe under that, give yourself a few lines to write things out. Under that, write out the new mindset. Write down new mindset and ask yourself that same question. What do I deserve? And if it helps you, ask a more specific question, how do I deserve to feel at the end of each day? Okay, I deserve to feel rested, relaxed, peaceful, calm, whole, grateful, joyful, excited. Like, how do you want to feel at the end of each day? And now I want you to think about, what can I do every single day? Maybe, like, make it non negotiable. What can I do to help me feel the way that I deserve to feel? The I deserve it mindset can be something that really helps you, or it can be something that is controlling your lifestyle and giving you terrible habits that, that are very destructive to what you're trying to accomplish for yourself and how you want to feel. So you have to take back ownership of the I deserve it mindset and make it work for you. Make it non negotiable to feel well rested and say, no, I deserve to get enough sleep at night. I deserve to feel well rested. I deserve to feel nourished and whole and hydrated and energetic and active and healthy and peaceful. Like, I deserve all of these things. And you do. And when you have that true belief instilled in you that you deserve to feel as great as you want to, it will be so much easier to see the things that help you feel that way and see the things very clearly that do not help you feel the way that you deserve to feel. So I hope this podcast episode was helpful for you to further examine your your personal I deserve it mindset. Is it helping you? Is it holding you back? Think about the old mindset. Think about the new mindset that you want to create for yourself and give yourself a solid action plan moving forward about what you're going to do to better support that new mindset. Of no, I deserve the rest. I deserve to communicate effectively and have great relationships surrounding me. Like you deserve all of these things. You really do. You just have to be willing to let go of the things that no longer serve you in that old mindset. So if this is something that you would like further help with, please feel free to click the link in the show notes about how to apply for my coaching program and I will jump on a free 30 minute phone call with you so that you can get all of your questions answered about my coaching program and make sure that it's a great fit for you before committing to it. So I'd love to do a podcast episode sometime in the near future about what my program is exactly so that you can all have a better idea of it, because I know that could be super helpful. So anyway, as always, it was a pleasure doing this episode for you. I hope it was helpful. Go ahead and leave a rating and a review if you feel called to do so. But other than that, I will see you super soon for next week's episode. It is such a wonderful privilege of mine to be here with you in this space, and I hope that you find all the value out of our time together.