14. Doing the Best You Can and So Are They

Hello, my beautiful friend, and welcome to the Mind Body Alignment podcast. I'm your host, Tessa Romero, and also your coach. I'm here to help teach you all the skills, tools, and encouragement that you need to not only know who you are, but how to become exactly who you want to be, while going through a healing journey that allows you to build a mindset that finally supports you. I'm so glad that you're here. Let's get started. Look at you go. Just working on yourself, trying to get your mindset in a good place. Find yourself, love. Know exactly who you are. I'm just so freaking proud of you. And I know you don't hear that very often, so I just want to be possibly the first person to tell you today of how proud I am of you for how much effort you put forward, not only into every single other person in your life, but to yourself as well. I'm so proud of you. Right? You are worth every single ounce of effort that you put forward into yourself. You're worth it all. And I hope that everything that I share in this space and every other platform just continues to serve you and keeps you on this good journey of becoming who you want to be. Be the journey long or short or slow or fast. I mean, really, life is the journey, and you don't want it to be short, right? We want it to be this long journey of life to teaching us about ourselves and becoming who we want to be. And I give this analogy, I promise I'm going to say the topic of this podcast in a second, but I give this analogy to my clients talking about how, you know, we feel like sometimes we lost the road. We lost the path that we were on, and we were making so much progress, and then all of a sudden, you know, we fell into bad habits, or we lashed out, we yelled and we said that we wouldn't, whatever it is. And I just want to reassure you that you've never lost the path. You've been on the path the whole time. You just found a new part on your path that hasn't been developed yet. Like, imagine you're walking on this road and it's paved and it's smooth because you've been doing all the hard work. And then you reach this rocky terrain that it's like, well, this is still my path. I just haven't developed it yet. So now that it's here, now that I know, how about I work on developing. What do I want? Desert landscape? Would I like a forest right here? What do I want it to look like, and you have the freedom to do so. But you have not lost the path. You're still on this journey. You're here. You're doing the good work, and it matters. It all matters. And I'm so proud of you. So now that you know how proud of you I am, we today, you and I, are going to talk about this idea, this concept, this belief that I'm going to instill in you that everyone is doing the best they can. I get so much pushback on this every single time I share on it, mainly on Instagram, but whatever. Because I won't just reference it as, you're doing the best you can. You're like, let's consider why you're doing what you're doing. I'll reference it as, your spouse is doing the best he can. Your kids are doing the best they can. Right? I push it past the realm of just you, and that's when I get all the pushback. And I think it's so interesting that we just refuse to think that way about people. We refuse to look at people and say, you know what? You're doing the best you can. I don't agree with what you're doing, but this is the best you can do right now. So what are you going through that this is the best you can do? And I honestly think we refuse to see that part in people because we aren't vulnerable enough to see it in ourselves. So if we look at other people and say that, well, then we're forced to see it in ourselves, and we don't like that. That's a very uncomfortable feeling. So I get it. I really do. But I'm really hoping that this episode just pushes you into that realm of possibility. Like, okay, Tessa, if they are doing the best they can, maybe you're giving me a big if. Like, I know a lot of people that this doesn't apply to, but let's just pretend if they're doing the best they can. What about this? What about this? What about this? And that's exactly what this episode's gonna be about. Just the. The different ways that this still applies, no matter who, no matter what, no matter when or how or whatever, it still applies. So I'd like to begin this by talking about someone random. I'm not going to say names. No one. I mean, I'm really not even making a reference to anyone I know in my personal life. We're just pretending. So we're going to start with pretend. Okay, follow along. Let's imagine there's A mom. And she's sitting on the couch, and there's laundry in the wash. There's laundry waiting for her in the dryer, and there's a basket on the kitchen table. So that's three loads of laundry waiting. Her kids are playing in front of her on the living room floor. There's a big mess. Dishes in the kitchen. I mean, let's just think about all. I'm just looking around my closet. What other ideas can I get? But let's just paint that scene right. There are things to be done around the home. And in her mind, she's saying, I need to get the laundry done. I need to get the dishes done. I need to play with the kids. I need to clean the house. I need to run that errand. I need to pay that bill. Okay? That's what's going through her mind. And then I come up to her, and let's imagine her name is Jean. Guys, I just said Jean because I looked at a pair of jeans. So I just love you guys on the podcast so much. Anyway, her name is Jean. And I say, jean, you're doing the best you can. And she says, are you kidding me? I have three loads of laundry. I need to unload the dishwasher. Still. Still load it. And there's more on the countertops. I still have this errand to run, these bills to pay. I haven't played with my kids intentionally today. Like, I am not doing the best I can. I know for a fact that I don't have to be sitting on the couch right now. I could be folding the laundry. I could be getting started, but I'm not, because I'm not doing the best I can. Can you imagine that kind of being her response? Because I certainly can. And I'm like, well, Jean, okay, you say you could be doing these things. Like, let's start the laundry. You. That was the first example. Jean, you said that you could get up and fold that basket of laundry right now. Why aren't you. Why aren't you folding that basket of laundry right now? And let's imagine that Jean says, well, I just feel really overwhelmed and exhausted, and everything falls on me, and I feel so stressed and anxious all the time, and I can't figure any of this out. And it feels so defeating that I'm even living this way. And I just can't get a handle on things. And I just. I feel so out of control. I don't know what to do anymore. So I'm just sitting here because I don't even Know where to start. Wow, that sounds like a lot. That sounds like a lot. That's a lot of. That's a lot to believe about your life. That's a lot to believe about yourself. That's a lot of thought to be running through your mind and imagine the feelings that are attached to all of those thoughts because thoughts create feelings. That's a fact. So if Jean is thinking this way, Gene is also feeling low. Jean is feeling possibly depressed. Jean is feeling anxious. She said that. Overwhelmed, frustrated, depleted. This is how Jean is feeling now. I personally don't know anyone personally that has that type of self talk, feels that way and has a highly productive day and feels extreme like, and does extremely intentional things like, I don't know anyone like that. I'm certainly not like that. I don't know about you guys, but I am not like that. So my approach here in helping you see Jean and why she's doing what she's doing, she's not getting up and folding the basket of laundry because she's doing the best she can to her mental and physical capacity at that time. It doesn't mean she can't do better. No, it doesn't mean she can't get up and fold the laundry. It just means there's a reason why she's not doing it at that time. And, and the more we sit, if I were to sit there and say, you're right, Gene, you're a total screw up and you're never going to get this figured out. You're always going to be behind in every area of your home and you know your kids are going to suffer because of that because you don't try hard enough. I mean, if we're just sticking with this scenario, I can't imagine Jean just popping up off the couch and saying, you're right, Tess, I can do this. I, I am going to get it together because, because I what, what would she even say if I attacked her like that with, you're not doing the best you can, you should try harder. Without first understanding why she's doing what she's doing in the first place. I mean, seriously, friend listening, how often do you validate yourself? How often do you have compassion for yourself? I'm willing to bet that it's on like an empty tank that your compassion and your self validation is low. Very, very low. And when you're not validating yourself, you don't have compassion for yourself. What does that mean? Well, it means that you're bullying yourself. You would be shaming yourself. You would have the self hatred. You're doing the exact opposite of self validation and compassion. So you're stuck in this place of thinking terribly about yourself, feeling terribly about yourself, and then no, actions change or we're not more intentional, we're not more productive, we don't feel more energetic. So with Jean, if we can approach Jean and get Jean to see you're doing the best you can to your mental and physical capacity right now. You can do better. I know that and you know that, but right now we've got to help you right where you're at. Right where you're at. What do you need right now, Jean? I need to feel validated. Okay, let's work on that. It is valid that you feel this way. Look at everything on your plate. Let's look at the way that you've been talking to yourself. Look at the systems of support that you're not feeling. Like, doesn't it really make sense? You're not crazy, you're not crazy, you're not this terrible mom. You just need these things and we have to learn how to do it for ourselves. So if I can help Jean, see, hey, you really are doing the best you can to your mental and physical capacity. What do you need? And teach her how to validate herself and meet her needs, she's going to feel better. She's not going to feel so low. And what happens when we feel better? We do more. When you think higher of yourself and you feel better, you're going to do more. Thoughts, feelings, actions, thoughts, feelings, actions, they're all connected. So that's the example of Gene. Now I want you to think about yourself. Are you doing the best you can to your mental and physical capacity right now? Half of you answered yes because you really get the scenario with Jean and the other half of you answered no. So let's talk to the half of you that just answered no, because that's the point of this episode, is to make this make sense for you. A new perspective, a new way to live, a new way to live, a new belief to just sink so deep inside of you that you can't help but view every single person that you encounter, no matter what they're doing, that this is the best you can do to your mental and physical capacity right now. And I'm going to talk about that. It doesn't mean it's okay what people do. I'm going to talk about that in a minute, but not yet. So right now, are you doing the best you can? Have you answered yes? Have you answered no. Okay, let's imagine that I'm going to put this into perspective for you now. No one knows you better than you. You are the only person that knows not only everything that you've been through, but how everything you've been through has also affected you, why you do what you do. You're the only person that can tap into that. How the bully in middle school affected you, how the parents and toxic behaviors, dysfunction, never learning how to self regulate, like all of these things affected you and how you've carried them your whole life. So if you know why you do what you do, like you're the only person, maybe you don't know it right now, but you're the only person that can access that. Because you're the only person that's knowing that lived through what you lived through, but can connect it to why you do what you do today. You're the only person that can do that. No matter how many stories you tell me about your life, I can help you connect some dots, but you're ultimately the person carrying the feelings. You're the person that went through the experience and had the effect happen inside of you afterwards. And during it, you're the person. So when I'm asking you, are you doing the best you can, you. You are to your mental and physical capacity, right? You can talk all day long. Well, I know for a fact that I can do more because I did more yesterday. Okay, then why aren't you? Ask yourself why be a friend to yourself, not an enemy? An enemy is not asking why an enemy doesn't care, right? The enemy says, well, you're not doing the best you can because you didn't do as much as you did yesterday. So you're a failure, you're a screw up, and you're a terrible mom. That's what the enemy says. Don't be the enemy to yourself. Be the friend. Be your own best friend. Your best friend would come up to you and talk to you the way that I talked to Gene. So ask yourself why. Why do I struggle with the simple tasks that I want to be simple? Why do I struggle with these? Well, I just. I just build them up in my head and I get so overwhelmed. Okay, why do I feel so overwhelmed by these? What are my thoughts about them? Do I have any past experiences that link to these things? Were there any unrealistic expectations set on me as a child? Did I ever feel responsible for other people's emotions and actions as a child? Why do I do what I do? Really get to know Yourself, because no one's ever going to have the opportunity to know you as well as you do if you give yourself that opportunity. Right? So be your own best friend. Get familiar with the why behind things. When you're like, what? Well, I know I could be doing better. Okay? I'm not arguing with that. I think you could be doing better, too. I think I could be doing better. The point is that we're doing the best we can right now, creating an understanding of why we do what we do right now so that we don't stay stuck here. If you don't want to be here, let's take the example. Let's say if you yell at your kids, I don't know, maybe that's something you struggle with. And I'm talking to you and I'm asking you, are you doing the best you can? And you say, no, because I yell at my kids, and I don't want to yell at my kids. That's not my best. My best is to hold space for their big emotions and to not yell at them. To talk, to be respectful, set boundaries, be gentle. Okay, gotcha. Why do you yell at your kids? Why do you yell at them then? Well, they don't listen to me and I have to repeat myself 18 times. And the only way they respond is if I yell. Okay? So you have this belief, this limiting belief that says the only way my kids respond is if I yell. So you've still done the best you could with yelling because you get to a point where you feel out of control. And it's not even out of control with our kids. We think it is, but it's not. It's out of control with ourselves. That's what really sets us off. Because you've never controlled your kids in the first place. This is a whole nother episode, but you've never controlled your kids in the first place. You just love the idea of control, but you've never had it. You've never controlled your husband. You've never controlled your circumstances entirely. You influence. You influence. And if you put half of the energy into your own efforts over the amount of energy that you try to pour into controlling outcomes, you would see a lot of progress because you're focusing on putting that energy back into just controlling you. No matter what your kids do, how do you breathe through it? How do you do that for yourself? But how are you going to do that for yourself if you don't meet yourself right where you're at? If you keep bullying yourself and hating yourself and shaming Yourself or yelling at your kids. You want to know what you're going to do next time? You're going to yell at your kids. Why? Because you're struggling under the amount of so much shame. All that weight you're carrying it, you feel it, you're struggling under all of that. And what do we do when we feel shame? We want to escape the feeling. We're not showing up with self compassion. We're not making sense of things. Right. We're shaming ourselves. We want to escape that feeling. It's an extremely uncomfortable feeling. So how do we escape? You can yell to escape. Yelling is totally a form of numbing. So you can see how this is really connected. And giving yourself the opportunity to say, like, okay, today is the day. This is my chance to view everything I do as the best I can do in that moment. So if I slip up, if I don't get all the tasks done, if I yell at my kids, if I don't start dinner at the time I wanted to or make the dish that I wanted to make, it's not that I can't do those things. It's just that I need to understand that right now. I did the best I could. And to consider all of the other factors in your life, what you've been through, what you're going through, how you feel the trauma stored in your nervous system, the circumstances with your kids, your spouse, your work, the lack of support thereof. Right? There's so many other factors in your life. And when we try to look at, well, I did this and that's just the end of it. Well, what else are you going through? There's more to it than that. But we refuse to give ourselves that grace. We refuse to give ourselves that kind of compassion. Why? Why? Why not? Why not try it? So today I'm encouraging you to try to try and tell yourself I'm doing the best I can and see if it changes the way you show up. Because I'm willing to bet it does. I mean, it's changed my life. It's changed the way that my clients show up in the four years that I've worked with them. I'm really willing to bet that if you can see and get to this point of really seeing that you're doing the best you can to your mental and physical capacity, you will start showing up better. Just because you started being kind to yourself, you started looking at your life and sometimes all that you're up against and saying, yeah, it actually makes sense that I feel empty right now. I Feel like my cup is low. I feel like I don't have enough support. Okay, that's valid. And those are hard things for me to be going through, but it doesn't mean I'm stuck here. So you combine the two. You combine the belief that you're doing the best you can with a mindset that supports you. The mindset that supports you says, I can work on this. I can overcome this. I can help myself. I can seek out resources, I can communicate. I can try this. That's mindset. All of that is mindset. But having one good, solid, foundational belief of I'm always doing the best I can to my mental and physical capacity. You will start making so much sense of the things in your life, especially the things that you do that you don't like. And what happens when we start making sense of those things and we know why we do them? We don't find ourselves doing them as often because you're finally looking at why you do what you do instead of just, I'm gonna stop doing that. I'm gonna start doing this right? I'm gonna ditch that habit. I'm gonna implement all these new habits, like, okay, I'm changing my life without first understanding why you do what you do, what triggers you, why does it trigger you, what have you been through? There's so much more to it. So I hope that makes more sense, that you are doing the best you can. And even in the moments that you're not proud of, even in the times where you totally said you were going to show up to that party and you didn't, you canceled the plan. Okay? Instead of you saying, well, it's because I'm a bad friend. No, it's not. That's not why you canceled the plan. Your intentions are not to be a bad friend. Your intentions were to go to the party. That's why you committed to go to the party. So why didn't you go to the party? I'm just really feeling so anxious right now. Okay. That's why you didn't go to the party. Not because you're a bad friend, because you feel anxious. So what are you gonna do to help yourself? Not saying you have to go to the party. No. But if you want to start going to the parties in the future, how are you gonna help yourself when you feel anxious so that you don't have to shame yourself and bully yourself and struggle with this negative self talk. This is just a new tool for you guys, and I really hope that you practice it now. I Also want to discuss what about the people, maybe yourself, that have just done terrible things? What about them? Are they really doing the best they can? I mean, there's just so many examples I could use. And I. I'm not even sure where to start, honestly. But I want to talk about my personal life. Okay. So with what I've been. Been through personally was hard for me, right? That was my trauma. It led to a lot of my own shame, and that was my story. And I'm not comparing hardship here, but I do want to share something with you. So I've shared a lot about my story growing up in my childhood and how my mom's ex husband, who was my stepdad for several years, struggled with pedophilia tendencies. And I changed that language. I don't know if you caught it, but I used to call him a pedophile. Like, he's a pedophile, he's a pedophile, he's a pedophile. And I realized one day just clicked to me in my head that me giving him that label on his identity, that role and his identity to be a pedophile is not good. That's not good for his healing, for his growth, for his progress. And it's not good for my healing and my growth and my progress because I know for a fact that he is so much more than what he struggles with, and I don't even know if he still struggles with that, right? So I know that he's so much more than what he struggled with at that time. So I stopped saying, you know, he's a pedophile, and labeling it that way. I just. Now I say it as he struggles with pedophilia tendencies, just like an alcoholic. You're not an alcoholic. You battle alcoholism, right? You're not the same thing. You're different. You're separate from it. And I want to believe in people and their abilities to overcome. That's what helps me is believing that people can overcome the yelling, the numbing, the lashing out, the shutting down, the drugs, the alcohol, the poor, the addiction, you know, pornography, whatever it is, I want to believe that people can overcome that. And if we keep labeling people as their downfalls and shortcomings and illnesses and they attach themselves to that, are we increasing their chances of overcoming it or decreasing their chances? I believe we're decreasing their chances. So that's why I changed language. I just wanted to make sense of that so that no one's like, what the frick? Because I have had people ask me, like, why did you say pedophilia tendencies. I've never heard it worded like that. And I'm like, well, I don't want him to be a pedophile, and I hope he's not. So those were his struggles. Those were his tendencies. But anyway, so I've talked about that story, and I have a lot of anger and resentment towards him and my mom for a long, long, long time. Like 12 solid years. We'll average it to that. Plus some. Okay, I won't even lie. Plus some. But in those 12 years, I never once. I. I'm not exaggerating. In the 12 years of feeling like I hate these people, I never once considered why they do what they do. Never once. I never once considered what they've been through. I've never. I never challenged myself to see, like, all right, if. If. Let's throw a comfortable if in there. If they're doing the best they can, which I'm not saying they are, but if they are, what are they going through that this is the best they can do? I never asked myself that. And I really think that if someone would have just shared that with me at some point in time during those 12 years, and even if I didn't agree with it at first, but just gave me the opportunity to, like, plant a seed in my mind, I think it would have made a huge difference for me to be challenged with so much compassion and empathy, to say, like, well, shoot, I know what it's like to make mistakes. I know what it's like to struggle. I know what it's like to battle certain things. Like, I don't know what it's like to entirely live the way that you've lived. But I do know what it's like to not like myself. So I wonder if you don't like yourself. The thing is, we're never going to have all the facts. And as much as you tell yourself, I know why they did what they did. Okay? A lot of times people don't even know why they do what they do, right? We're not doing enough inner work, inner self reflection, self discovery, self healing to understand why we actually do what we do. So I know we tell ourselves, like, well, I don't want to lie to myself and say that they're doing the best they can. Okay? You're lying to yourself anyway by saying that they're not, because you don't know. And all you're doing is hurting yourself. So with my mom's ex husband, if I view him with this perspective of, no, he didn't do the best he can because of what he did. I'm hurting myself over and over and over again. For 12 solid years, I was hurting myself. So this new perspective of, yes, he hurt me tremendously. I mean, in a wide variety of ways. So much hurt there. And I've talked about how, like, some of the deepest hurt there was because I loved him so much. And then I felt ashamed that I ever loved him. I mean, it was just like the worst storm to be in for me personally. And you might be going through something similar. But what I know now is that he did do the best he could. I don't know his full story. I don't know why he did what he did. I know he struggled with different addictions. I know he really struggled with processing before he. Before he would respond and some abuse there. Like, he struggled with a lot of different things. And when I asked myself, okay, Tessa, let's entertain the. If, if he's doing the best he can to his mental and physical capacity, was he showing any behaviors of someone that is mentally sound, Right. That has tremendous mental health, that has confidence in themselves and security and feels good about themselves and has the health that they want and just feels so good about their life and lives with an abundance mentality and has positive self talk? Did he show that? Was that who he was? No, I think he had, like, bits and pieces of that. But I wouldn't say that when he was really struggling with all these things and doing these terrible things and I was feeling so hurt. I wouldn't say that he was, like, so happy with himself. I would never, never think that. But I was rightfully focusing on my own hurt. Okay, that's okay for me to do. It's okay for you to do. But I'm just telling you that if someone would have asked me. Just entertain this question for me, Tessa. If big if he's doing the best he can to his mental and physical capacity, what is he going through that this is the best he can do to his mental and physical capacity? If someone would have just challenged me with that and even just let me sit with it for 12 years and let me come to my own terms with it, that would have been really helpful. But I had to learn on my own, which is like my entire healing journey is. I love it. I love it. But, you know, it's nice when we can have just like a perspective brought to us that we don't have to learn entirely on our own. So that's why I share here. But I know he did the best he could. And here's. Here's the thing, because I know there are people in your life that you don't want to apply this to. And I don't blame you. I don't. But it doesn't hurt them like you think it does. To view them this way. To view them with all of your hate and to view them with all of your anger and your rage and to say these mean things about them and to feel this way, it doesn't hurt them like you think it does. You don't have that power over them, but you do have that kind of power over you. So the longer you hold on to all that anger and all that resentment and all of that just hate, you feel it. They don't. And one day that dawned on me. I can't remember if I shared this story with you guys, but it really hit me one day that I was like. It was because I was leaning more towards forgiving him. I could tell this huge shift was happening inside of me. And it was honestly a very confusing feeling because I had just never felt it before. And I remember it dawned on me like, oh, my God, the past 12 years. This is why it was 12 years. I mean, it's been longer since this has happened, but it was 12 years of so much anger. It clicked in my head. I'm like, this whole time. Because now I don't feel angry at you. Now I do believe that you did the best you could. And a lot of me just feels badly about what you could have been through and why you did what you did and what that whole story is there. I don't know. But I'm really proud of me for healing. And I'm allowing myself to release the anger and resentment that no longer serves me, because I don't want it. It's not mine. It's not mine to hold against other people. That's not who I am. So it dawned on me that this whole time, all the anger, all the hatred towards you never decided what you thought about yourself. I'm talking in reference to him. And now that I don't feel that way towards you, I also don't have the power to make you feel better about yourself. I can see you. I can see any person and really believe that they're doing the best they can. 100% of me, I believe it, But I can't make them believe it about themselves. I don't have that power over them. I can try, right? I can try and share resources like this, stories like this, but at the End of the day, people have to live with their own decisions. They have to live with who they have shown up as and who they're allowing themselves to be and what they think and how they feel. They have to live with themselves. I don't. So why am I allowing myself to be someone really that doesn't align with who I want to be? Angry and hatred and resentment and why. Why am I doing that to myself? And that was a big, hard moment for me. And I had to go right back to, I'm doing the best I can. I haven't learned this before. I really believed that other people controlled me. My anger and my yelling and shutting down and ignoring of them. I believed that other people did that. Really, I did. But now I see that no matter how much I hate someone, I mean, that's like old tested terms, but that's what I would say is I hate you no matter how much I hated that person. They could have loved themselves. They could have loved exactly who they are and what they do and how they show up and what they wear and what they think and all of it. They could have loved themselves fiercely even if I didn't. So who does all the hatred go towards? Me. I'm the one holding it. It's mine. So I'm the one that's got to do something about it. And then, even if I love someone so fiercely and I forgive them with all of my heart and I want the best for them, how do they feel about themselves? Because no amount of me, I mean, I really believe that love is strong and it is empowering and it's a huge influence over people. Don't get me wrong. It's powerful. We should pursue that more than hatred. But we're never going to be the people that decide how other people think about themselves. You see what I'm saying? Like, let's say your mom really mistreated you. Well, no matter what she did or how she talked to you, if you feel angry towards her, you really don't know if that's affecting her as much as it's affecting you. You don't know. And if you love her fiercely and forgive her wholeheartedly, you don't know if she'll ever forgive herself. You don't know if she'll ever move past that. So instead of looking at it as like, I need to make sure that this person knows how much I hate them, you can tell them if you want. I'm not going to stop you. But we also have to consider, like, I don't control what they think about themselves. We do not control what other people think. We don't control what they say. We don't control what they do. We don't control how they feel. That's not our job. We influence people. Yes. And I really hope that we use our influence for good. That would be great, but we don't always. And I just want you to know that through all of this, if I can see it in people that I swore up and down that I hated and I'd never talk to you again, I was cutting off and blah, blah, blah, to really see, wow, you are doing the best you can. That's huge. If I can do it, I know you can do it too. And I hope that this episode helps. But I just want to wrap it up with you understanding that in no way am I excusing people's behaviors. That's not what I'm saying at all. I do believe people are doing the best they can to their mental and physical capacity. Even when they do terrible things. Do I think they should face consequences for their actions every single time? Yes, Yes. I agree with that. I just don't believe that shaming people is going to help produce any positive change. So if we view it instead as they are doing the best they can to their mental and physical capacity, they need help. They need resources. They need to face their consequences of this. And I believe in their ability to change and to get those needs met and the resources and the help that they need and become better and grow. That's doing the best they can to their mental and physical capacity. So I'm not asking you to approve of everyone's behaviors. I'm not asking you to thank the people that have hurt you. I'm not asking you to do any of that. Right. I'm. This is not a bright side and silver lining, top type of positive talk with mindset. That's not what we're doing here. I'm not asking you to find the bright side of growing up with someone that struggles with pedophilia tendencies. I'm not asking you to find a silver lining to someone that hurt you. I don't want you to do that. I want you to focus on your own empowerment, realizing that every ounce of anger and hate that you carry hurts you is very important to understand that. Wow. I'm doing the best I can. And so are they. So what are they going through? And just get curious there. Just get curious. What could they possibly be going through? What have they been through in their life? You don't know the full story anyway. You've been lying to yourself this whole time, so you might as well tell a story that gets you closer to healing because we're never going to have all the facts. They're just not. But again, we don't have to approve of people's choices. We don't have to approve of what they've done. Nope. And people can still face consequences for their actions, even if that was the best they could do. Okay, we see it every day in our homes, right? The best I could do one day was only getting one load of laundry done because I was just really struggling mentally. Okay, well, now I'm three loads behind or whatever it looks like. That's my consequence. That's a natural consequence. But now that I've given myself the grace and the self love and the self compassion to say, Tessa, you've got this. We can meet our needs. We'll take better care of ourselves. Let's put a system in place here so that we don't cause this overwhelm and we'll get caught up and start fresh. Let's do this. I am fully capable of handling those three loads of laundry fully. And it started all within me. I didn't need anyone else to fix that. Like my self talk matters so much more this then what other people think about me not doing that freaking laundry. Because they're probably thinking, well, she's just procrastinating, putting it off and lazy. Okay, that's not helping either. So how about I just help myself and be my own best friend? But again, we just have to accept reality because reality is what it is no matter how much you argue with it. Right? So we have to accept that what people are doing is the best they can do. But you don't have to approve of it just because someone. The best someone can do in an abusive relationship is to be that abuser. Doesn't does not mean you have to stay. You can look at someone and say, you know, you're really hurting and I believe you're doing the best you can, but I cannot be a part of this any longer. You can do that and I encourage you to. I empower you to. I'm not here to tell you what choices to make in your life. I'm here to help you build a mindset so that you'll make the choices you need to make in your life. I don't want to tell you what to do. I want to help you see how to think, to support yourself. Because I love you. And these are things That I wish I would have known sooner. I love to share them with you. So take it for what it is. The belief, the possibility to instill this belief in yourself that everyone's doing the best they can to their mental and physical capacity. And that includes you. And I hope, as always, that this served you tremendously. And to remember that the enrollment for my next 12 week coaching session of mind body alignment opens on March 15th. Oh my goodness. So we're just honestly a couple weeks away, which is crazy. But. But on March 15, the enrollment for that will open. It's a Tuesday. It will open up for 10 days. Um, and then we will start together on April 3rd. So you can get that. I provided the link below so you can look there for all the details, the pricing, the time commitment, what it all looks like. Um, and I also have a past episode done where we talked about all of the details of the course too, so you can listen to that. But I hope to see you in the course. If self discovery and healing, that full journey is something that you're looking to go on. But just keep in mind, you know, if you don't feel ready for that full journey, that's okay too. That's okay. I stayed angry for 12 years before I was ready. I get it. I'm not judging. Just know that it's a resource available to you when you are ready. And until then, enjoy all the other resources that I put out on Instagram, on the podcast, on the email list. I'm here to support you. So I'm proud of you. Thank you for showing up here. I see the effort that you're putting into yourself and I'm so proud of you. I am cheering for you. Biggest cheerleader over here until you take my place and you become your own biggest cheerleader. Right? You become your own best friend. I hope my voice is just like ringing in your mind. I'm doing the best I can. I'm doing the best I can. There's a reason why I do what I do. Okay. I can help myself. Let me help myself. I can do that and build the mindset that supports you. But March 15 is the open enrollment. It's the last time that I'm running the course of 2022 because we are going to have this sweet baby in July, so, well, end of July. But yeah, lots of fun things happening. But I will open the course back up again for New Year's of 2023. So if you need more time, you want to wait New Year's 2023, I got you. But if you're like, you know, I really need this and I want to apply it for the rest of this year. Let's start together on April 3rd and enroll on March 15th. But I hope this served you. I'll see you guys later and I love you to pieces. Thank you so much for being here for this week's episode. If this episode serves you, please feel free to subscribe to the podcast and share it. I love spreading the message of positivity and healing and how they work together. My goal is to continue serving you, and I can't wait to form more meaningful relationships together here on the podcast and elsewhere, such as Instagram and my email list. We'll talk more soon.