141. Hands Like Martha, Heart Like Mary | Life Mantra

Friends, I have a new life mantra that I hope touches you and just slips into your heart the same way that it has slipped into mine over the last month. Everything feels so different now that I'm thinking like this, and especially as a mom that wants to be able to just kind of pause everything, pause life, put the task down, stop doing the dishes, be okay with dinner being an hour later or earlier, Just be more flexible. So that way I can prioritize connecting with my people and exercising my faith and, you know, having. Having fun moments with my husband and being more spontaneous the way that I want to. Whereas at other times, I have been stressed and felt really rushed and at this, like, incredibly fast pace each day just to try and maintain a routine that I've convinced myself I have to live in. And over the last month, it's probably transitioned into summer. Like, we reach different seasons and times that our routines change, our home is changing, our family's growing and developing, and so are we. And this mantra has just kind of anchored me in a position of flexibility and ease and attentiveness and just peace. I feel so peaceful, so peaceful. So, my name's Tessa Romero. I'm the host of the momset podcast. I run a coaching membership for moms that want to improve their mindset. So. So if you are someone that knows what you're thinking about your kids is causing a lot of problems, like yelling, criticizing them, reactive behavior, then I'd love to see you over in my membership and on the podcast. I love to share more inspiration, stories, insights, tools, challenge you a little bit. So that's what we're going to do here. And I'm just going to start by sharing the mantra, because I kind of want you to have a feel of where we're going with this. And then I'm going to give you the whole backstory of how this came to be and why it's so true. The mantra is hands like Martha, heart like Mary. So for any of my fellow Christians, believers of Jesus, there are two sisters in the Bible, Martha and Mary, that I have come to greatly relate with and look up to. And I've just been so inspired learning about them over this last month. And that's how this came to be. This hands like Martha, heart like Mary. So I want you to be able to stand in a very solid position on this mantra, like I've been able to. And this episode is going to be dedicated to that, to understanding the mantra, hands like Martha, heart like Mary, so that you can repeat it and use it and Live with this in a way that does help you slow down, prioritize what matters most, while also understanding there is great strength in the service that you do, in the tasks that you complete. There's great work there, and there's great strength in having that be about you. So about a month ago, I had family staying with me, and there was one evening that I just. I didn't prepare well, I didn't plan well. And I was like, oh, I'm gonna. I'm gonna make these burgers for dinner. And I was so set on making these burgers for dinner that I decided to go to the grocery store to get buns so we could have these burgers for dinner. And I honestly felt great doing it. I'm like, yeah, this is awesome. And so I take my two youngest, who are two years old, and he was about, I guess, 10 months old at the time. I take my two youngest with me, go to the store, get the buns, come back, and I was probably gone for a total of about 45 minutes. And in my head, I had thought, oh, well, like, someone else is going to start dinner while I'm gone. And then we'll be just, like, sitting down to eat. I'll just bring the buns, and then they'll put the meals together, and then we'll start our bedtime routine. The kids will get in the bath, and everything will be on time in my mind. I get very much attached to my routines and my expectations, even when I fail to communicate them, which I'm working on. So I get back from the store with my two little ones, and I come in the house, and no dinner has been started. No dinner started. There were 11 kids at my house. My husband was hanging a porch swing in our backyard, which I had asked for for Mother's Day, and he had a. He needed help to hang it. So the contractor could only come in the evenings, and he needed to bring his kids. So, anyway, just the way things worked out, like, it really was the best time for him to hang that porch swing. It's when the contractor was available, he could have his kids play. So there were my nieces and nephews, my kids and the contractor's kids at my house. And my husband and the contractor are hard at work hanging the porch swing. My family member is obviously with the kids, like, helping them and attending to them. They're. They're really young. And then I come in the house and dinner's not started. And I just immediately felt annoyed, like, oh, my gosh, I have to start this dinner. Now, now, now. Bedtime's going to be an hour later than I was anticipating. This is so frustrating. How come nobody else just thinks to do these things? Like, it's so obvious that these things need to be done. Why am I the only one that thinks about them? And I totally caught my mind going that direction. And I start dinner and I am, like, preparing the toppings for the burgers. I could just tell that I was truly behaving like a brat. Like, I just, I was putting, like, I would. I was cutting up lettuce. And then before everyone had an opportunity to use the lettuce, I was putting it away. And I knew I was doing it. I knew I was putting things away. The ketchup bottle, before everyone had the opportunity to use it for their dinner. And nobody knew why. I felt so annoyed and upset. And I wasn't communicating. I was just huffing and puffing and throwing a little motherly tantrum about things. And it just feels like, so silly to get so worked up over something as simple as a 15 minute dinner. Like, it literally took me 15 minutes to heat up these burger patties and to cut this stuff up. And it feels so silly now to be so worked up about that. And at the time, I thought I was totally justified. Like, I'm in the right and you guys are in the wrong. And I wanted to be right. And in order for me to be right, I had to paint myself as the victim in my head. I had to be the one that got the short end of the stick, that all these things were just happening to me and create that whole story in my head. And. And it's so tempting to do that. So I just want you to know that I still have times that that happens. And bigger picture, I'm grateful for those times because I learn the most in those times. I mean, they teach me just the biggest lessons, like this mantra. Hands like Martha, heart like Mary. It all came about because of that night. So anyway, after we'd eaten dinner, the kids were playing and I just felt this, this sense of, like, awareness come over me and. And I looked around and I noticed, like, hold on a second. My husband is hanging a porch swing that I asked him to build me for Mother's Day, that he built me for Mother's Day as I had asked. And he got connected with a contractor to get it hanging for me. And he's so excited for us to sit on this porch swing together tonight. Like, he's just elated to do this and give this to me. And this is how I'm acting. And then I look over at my family member that's been helping with all 11 kids, and I'm like, she's working so hard to keep up with all these kids and meet all their needs and be fun with them while she has the opportunity to visit and to truly connect with them while she has the opportunity to be around them. And this is how I'm acting. And I look at all the kids playing, having a great time in the home that I want to be known for, that I want to have a home that's the hub of our lives, where all of the kids can come to and just feel welcomed in that we have more than enough to go around of anything that we could possibly need. And we want to give that to you, too. And I'm interested in who you are and what you have going on and what I can do for you. And that is my vision for my home. And I have 11 kids here to do that. And this is how I'm acting. Like, it just felt like a punch in the gut. And it reminded me instantly. My mind was like, this reminds me of Martha. This reminds me of Martha when Jesus came. And then Martha is, like, throwing this fit, telling Jesus, hey, tell them to help me. So for reference, I want to also bring some scripture, and I'm going to read parts of the scripture that I'm referring to. So we're all on the same page. And that night, and I actually apologized to my sister, I was like, gosh, I'm sorry that I had such a bad attitude about this evening. Like, I was just focused on the wrong things. And it just brought, like, a whole lesson to me about Martha and Mary. And that evening, I got out my Bible and I was like, I need to understand this better. Like, there is something here that I am supposed to know that I'm supposed to understand. So I got out my Bible. And in Luke 10, there is a. There's a part in here that says, jesus visits Martha and Mary. So that's what you're looking for. And it's Luke 10, verse 38 through 41. That's what I'm going to read to you. And it says, jesus visits Martha and Mary. As Jesus and the disciples continued on their way to Jerusalem, they came to a certain village where a woman named Martha welcomed him into her home. Her sister Mary sat at the Lord's feet, listening to what he taught. But Martha was distracted by the big dinner she was preparing. She came to Jesus and said, lord, doesn't it seem unfair to you that my sister just sits here while I do all the work? Tell her to come and help me. But the Lord said to her, my dear Martha, you are worried and upset over all these details. There is only one thing worth being concerned about. Mary has discovered it, and it will not be taken from her. And I read that over and over and over again just to try and. And understand. Okay, yes, this is clicking. And what is that one thing worth being concerned about? Like, we need to eat. Like, my mind was still saying, okay, but if I don't cook, then who will? And we need to eat. Like, we need to get the kids in the bath. They need to go to sleep. Sleep's important for their development. Like, what do you mean? Don't worry about these things. Like, don't be concerned about these things. What are you talking about? And it. And the more I read it and I put. Because Martha and mary come up three times. So in Luke 10, John 11, and John 12. And I was trying to understand the full picture by only reading Luke 10, and all these questions kept coming to me, and I totally was, like, on Martha's side. Like, why is it Martha has to be in the kitchen doing all this cooking and preparing this big meal when Mary knows full well that that's a lot of work, guys. There's no way that Mary doesn't know how much goes into running a home, especially at that time. Like, she knows that there's a lot of time going into preparing and cooking and cleaning and. And serving everyone. And at the time, it wasn't. It wasn't custom for the women to be at the Lord's feet. That was, like, for the men. The men were in the room with Jesus. So for Mary to leave the kitchen and to be at the Lord's feet, Feet of all places. Like, I'm gonna sit right in front of him. I'm not just gonna sit in this room or stand in the corner. Oh, I'm gonna be at his feet. For Mary to do that is so, like, courageous for that time. That was such an act of courage and. And an exercise of her faith to go right to her Savior and sit at his feet. And what I failed to see at the time was when Martha says, like, isn't this unfair? Tell her to help me. When she goes to the Lord and directly says, like, her concern and basically calls Jesus out is what she's doing. Like, how could you let this go on? She does that in front of a room full of people. That was also a. A massive act of courage and exercise of faith in Martha's part. So the first time I read this, I was like, oh, my gosh, I'm such a Martha. Like, I'm over here prioritizing to do lists. And I was painting Martha as this, like, villain in my narrative, and Mary was the victim in my narrative. And that's not true. They're not victims or villains. They're just. They're just people. They're daughters of God, just like me, and they have strengths and weaknesses just like me. And Martha is not less because she enjoys service and she's good at serving. She's not less for that. And Mary is not less for having this extremely generous heart and this softness about her that she sits at the Lord's feet. And later in. Later in the Bible, she also gets this extremely expensive perfume and anoints Jesus with it and uses her hair to wash the Lord's feet with that expensive perfume. And everyone else thought she was bananas. And it was because Mary understood who Jesus is and that she'll always have an opportunity to give to the poor, but she will not always have an opportunity to. To be with her Savior like this. So, anyway, both Mary and Martha have these strengths about them. And I thought, oh, I'm such a Martha. This is a negative thing. And I. I shouldn't be like her. I shouldn't be trying to prioritize the meal and the cooking and the cleaning and the bedtime routine for my kids and la di da da. Like, I shouldn't be trying to prioritize all those things. That's not true either, though. That's not true either. If I know I have a strength in something and it feels right in my heart to serve my family this way and. And prepare these meals and welcome people into my home and. And care for them, I should do those things. I want to be good at those things. Part of my vision, part of my life is to be good at those things. So I don't need to take that away. I just need to focus on having the right attitude about it. Because what Martha was doing wasn't wrong. It is an act of worship. It can be an act of worship. Everything we do can be an act of worship. With the right attitude. Mary chose to do what would best exercise her faith, like show her strengths there. And. And Martha was showing her strengths as well. She just had the wrong attitude about it. She thought that they were separate. Like, I can't worship the Lord and do this work, but that's not true. She can worship the Lord, through her work. Her work can be a form of worship. And if it's not, then we need to go back to the heart and the attitude in which we have while doing this. So she had the wrong attitude about it. Imagine. I mean, we don't even have to imagine because it says it later. So that's the first passage that Martha and Mary show up in is in Luke 10. And Martha is very much talked about as, oh, we're such a Martha. We like, we. We're concerned with all these other things instead of the thing that matters most. Well, hold on, hold on, because we need to give Martha more credit. Okay, in John 11, we're going to flip over to John 11. This is where Jesus. So Martha and Mary have a brother. His name is Lazarus. And you may have heard of Lazarus in some, in some music or passage or maybe some, I don't know, just parables you've heard. Just, just something you've heard of the name Lazarus. Well, Lazarus is the brother of Martha and Mary, and he gets sick. And Martha and Mary send word to Jesus that Lazarus is sick. And they're like, please come and save Lazarus. And the Lord gets the message. And he decided very intentionally to wait two days before going over to, to Lazarus. So by time the Lord gets there, Lazarus has been dead for four days. By time he gets there, and Jesus knew, Jesus knew that this was going to happen. And he also told Martha and Mary, this will not end in death. Like, this will be glorified for the Lord. This will be used for the Lord's glory. And he told them that before Lazarus had died. So anyway, Lazarus was sick. This is like a whole. The raising of Lazarus is what you'll find in John 11. It's a whole passage there. I'm just gonna break it down to one section that really stands out to me. So first, Laz, Lazarus 4 is when Jesus said, lazarus's sickness will not end in death. No, it happened for the glory of God, so that the Son of God will receive glory from this. So although Jesus loved Martha, Mary and Lazarus, he stayed where he was for the next two days. Finally he said to his disciples, let's go back to Judah. And that's where Lazarus was. So later in John 11, now we're looking at John 11, verse 20 is where we're going to be at together. And. Oh, let's go. Actually, a little bit before that, John 11, verse 18. Let's start there. So Bethany was only a few miles down the road from Jerusalem, and many of the people had Come to con to console Martha and Mary in their loss because Lazarus had died. When Martha got word that Jesus was coming, she went to meet him. But Mary stayed in the house. Please listen to that. When Martha got word that Jesus was coming, she went to meet him. And Mary stayed in the house. Martha left the house to go see Jesus. This is not the same Martha that we just talked about in Luke 10 that doesn't know the one thing worth being concerned about. This is not the same Martha. This is now the Martha that knows in her heart the one thing to be concerned about. They said the Lord is coming. Martha booked it out of that house. She could have stayed with everyone, mourning the loss of her brother and grieving. Heck, she could have been starting some, some meal for Jesus. Like, oh, I gotta be in the kitchen. I better get something prepared for him. We're gonna be having a funeral here soon, so I better start making all the food for that. Like, she could have busied herself with so many other things, and she didn. She left the house and went immediately to Jesus. Where did Mary go? Mary stayed at the house. You see, no one, no one person is perfect. Like, Mary doesn't have this perfect faith either. She didn't leave the house to go directly to, to Jesus. Martha left. And what that shows me immediately is the growth in Martha. So here I was painting Martha as this, like, villain in a story, when really she is like redemption. She is this renewal, this revival of, oh, I get it. And I'm going to stay with it and I'm going to do. I'm going to do it this way. I'm going to go to the Lord. She left the house. She left everything behind and went right to him. And that is just so, so profound to me. So now we're picking back up. Mary stayed in the house. Martha said to Jesus, lord, if only you had been here, my brother would not have died. But even now, I know that God will give you whatever you ask. So even now that her brother has, has died and since been dead for four days, she exercises this faith, saying, even now I know God will give you whatever you ask. Jesus told her, your brother will rise again. Yes, Martha said, he will rise when everyone else rises at the last day. So again, she, she has these doubts. She doesn't think, oh, he's gonna rise right now. Jesus is gonna resurrect him. Like, no, she doesn't think that. She thinks, okay, on the last day when everybody comes back, Lazarus is gonna come back. She doesn't think that, like, she's thinking, yep, last day. Gotcha. This still is like so heartbreaking because I know it doesn't have to happen this way. And I'm trying really hard to appreciate the way that you're allowing this to happen. And my human heart is breaking. Okay, so on the last day. And Jesus told her, I am the resurrect, the resurrection and the life. Anyone who believes in me will live even after dying. Everyone who lives in me and believes in me will never ever die. Do you believe this Martha? Yes, Lord. She told him, I have always believed you are the Messiah, the Son of God, and the one who has come to the world from God. Then she returned to Mary and she, she called Mary aside from the mourners and told her, the teacher is here and wants to see you. So Mary immediately went to him. So Martha went back to get Mary and said, hey, Jesus is here. He wants to see you. Please leave all these mourners and come to our life. Come to our breath of life. Come see our Savior. Come see life and the resurrection. Like, come, come, come, come. And that again is an exercise of her faith. So in John 11 we see a whole new Martha. We see the Martha that can leave behind the tasks and the to dos and the getting stuck in all these things. We see her leave that behind. Then she appears one more time in John 12. This is Martha and Mary. They come up one more time in John 12 and it says, Six days before the Passover celebration began, Jesus arrived in Bethany, the the home of Lazarus, the man he had raised from the dead. So yes, he resurrected Lazarus. A dinner was prepared in Jesus's honor. Martha served and Lazarus was among those who ate with him. Then Mary took a 12 ounce jar of expensive perfume made from essence of nard and she anointed Jesus's feet with it, wiping his feet with her hair. The house filled with this fragrance. So in John 12 here's Martha experiencing her full circle moment where she is yet again serving. It says Martha served. And it doesn't go in to say about Martha's attitude or if she had asked Jesus to tell anyone to help her. I imagine though that Martha had a completely different attitude this time that she served. And we all have an opportunity to to decide the attitude in which we will serve with. I mean, we have the opportunity to decide if we're going to serve or not. Have you ever felt better not serving, being the one to just take the backseat, let someone else do all the work? Does that actually feel good for you? It has never felt good for me. Even in the times that I felt so angry and so resentful. And I'm like, fine, I'm just going to make them do it. I'm going to make them see how much it is that I do. Because I'm not going to do these things. Especially early in motherhood, I was like, I'm just gonna make my husband do it all so that he understands how much that I do. And that is just so wrong. Like, I felt awful at that time, just trying to tie my hands together and, like, anxiously sit in this chair, not. Not helping. Like, it is in my blood to help, to serve, to be there, to do it. And I want to hold myself to a level of excellence in which I expect myself to give all that I can to. Not because I strive for perfection and not because I do it to try and determine what other people will think of me or perceive by my actions. I do it because it feels right. And that is like, what I see here with Martha and her change, too. She does it because this is what feels right. This is a service she knows she can give. She's doing something that she knows she's capable of, she's good at. And the Lord hasn't asked her to do anything other than what she's good at. He hasn't asked her to do anything more. He actually told her just to be concerned with the one thing that matters most. Let your one concern be about the one thing that matters most. And if we all took that to heart as mothers, and we had a little bit of Martha and a little bit of Mary and a whole lot of you, and we use this mantra, hands like Martha, heart like Mary. I want to be the mom that is so generous that I would take the most expensive vase of perfume and break it on someone's feet and use my hair to wash. To wash. I want to be so attentive, so engaged, so interested that I sit at the Lord's feet and I take it all in and I understand. Wait, the Lord made all of this. He gave all this to me. This is all part of his greater plan, his work, his message. And I am part of that. And that's what I love within Mary and I love within Martha the hands that serve, how hard she works to serve, and her redemption, her revival, that renewal in her that we got to experience from Luke 10 all the way to John 12 where she's doing the same things, she's preparing these meals, she's serving, just with a completely different attitude about it. And another thing that I really since we're on it. Something that I've really taken away from this whole like Martha and Mary is Martha thought she had value because she was productive. And Jesus wanted her to learn that she had value simply because she was his. So he didn't want her to just never help her brother, her sister, or the passerbys that come through. That's not what he wanted for her. He just wanted her to realize, hey, you don't have to work harder to be seen by me, to be loved by me, to belong here with me. You don't have to do more, you don't have to do less. You just have to recognize that you're valuable because you're mine. And if we all had that mentality, that belief in our heart, I am valuable because I'm his, then all of a sudden, our to do list takes on a whole new life, a whole new meaning, where we feel excited to strive for excellence, to give all that we can to perfect our ways that glorifies him, to hold ourselves to higher standards, to keep ourselves accountable. Not because we're afraid of what other people are going to think of us if we do or don't yell at our kids, if we do or don't discipline in ways that they think we should discipline or give consequences in ways that they think we should give consequences. No, I'm doing what I do because this is what aligns with the mom that I want to be and I do. I am concerned with the one thing that matters most, and the rest, I'm just doing the best I can. And I know my value doesn't come from being productive. It comes from being his. And this, gosh, man hands like Martha, heart like Mary. It gets my mind just, like, spinning on all of these beautiful ways to paint that picture and all the wonderful ways that I can be showing up like that. And it's cool because I had my own full circle moment just a couple of weeks ago. We had my husband's whole side of the family visiting. Um, so at one time, there were 24 people at my house. And I was, like, honestly, so excited, because, again, this is my vision. I want my home to be the hub of our lives. I want everyone to feel welcomed. I want plenty of space for all of us to gather and. And. And plenty of food to share. And I live much of that every single day. And to be able to, like, put it on a more grand scale of 20, 24 people was really exciting to me. And it came at a perfect time because I had been focusing so strongly on hands like Martha, heart like Mary. And I felt like, okay, this is my chance to put this into practice. I'm gonna have all these people here, all of our bedrooms are gonna be full. There's, you know, I want to be responsible for cooking the meals and doing all that I can for the kids. And more than that, this time I realized, and I had realized it just a few days before everyone came, that I truly do love to prepare, like meals and serve meals and have a space that I can maintain for others to come and just take a load off. Like, feel cared for, feel seen by me, feel valuable and like you matter in this space. I want adults and kids to feel that way in my home. And I recognized that so many times when I've done this in the past. I do a great job at cooking everyone food and cleaning up after everybody. Like, physically, I do a great job. Mentally though, I have a really poor attitude about it. Like, I start to feel really resentful and annoyed and frustrated by it. And I get that, that Luke 10 Martha like, Lord, isn't this unfair? Tell them to help me. And that's like where I'd find myself each time. And what I learned was because of this heart like Mary, part of my mantra. Hands like Martha, I execute very well. Heart like Mary is the power part for me. Like, that's the power part for me. And what I learned was I want time to just enjoy the people that are here visiting. I want to catch up with them, I want to connect with them. I want to know what's going on in their lives. I want to be someone that they confide in. I want to have people that I confide in. I want to get to know the kids and what they're thinking about their sports team and what's going on in their school and what they're learning recently and what they hope to do this summer. Like, I want to check in on my sister in laws and my, my in laws and, you know, I just, I want time to connect with the people that I'm working so hard to serve because I love them so much and I care about them so much and I want them to feel cared for. And I've learned that it's not just in what I do that helps people feel cared for. It's also in the attention that I give them, the questions that I'm asking them, the quality in which I remember the details of their life and what they shared with me last time, the interest that I take in them, that that is Beautiful. That is like, people feel seen when we do that. And I have truly dropped the ball on doing that for years because I just put so much focus into hands like Martha that I was missing my heart like Mary piece. So this time I knew, okay, we're gonna have about 24 people come. I went to the grocery store in advance. Like, I made this whole plan of how I was going to have both. How am I going to serve the way that I want to serve and incorporate this new part of connecting really well, like being available for my people. How am I going to do that? Well, I decided I'm going to plan and prepare in advance. I knew the meals that I was going to make for breakfast and dinner. So I planned two meals in advance for each day. And I didn't know, like, you know, flexibility to eat out. I didn't want to feel stressed about that. So I just planned two meals and I figured, like, the third one we can see do we want to eat out? Can we do something simple like sandwiches? I'll be prepared either way. These are the meals I'm going to cook, though. And I made the plan like, this is what I'm going to make for breakfast. This is what I'm gonna make for dinner and for the breakfast. I actually felt so excited about what I was making that it was easy for me to wake up early before everyone else. And I was just like, so giddy getting into my kitchen, knowing there's all these sleeping people in my house and they're gonna wake up and to the smell of fresh cinnamon rolls and a whole fruit platter that I'm. That I was washing the fruit, getting that cut up, and I made this whole fruit platter and I made hash browns the day before. I love to make hash browns. They're very time consuming, though. So I made my hash browns the day before, and I put them in the fridge, and then I just heated them up in the oven so they tasted completely fresh. I heated up my hash browns, made the cinnamon rolls, and did the fruit platter. And I made a little bit of a scrambled egg and sausage mix, too. And the Tim, like, I could not have planned the timing better. Like, it worked out better than I was intending. So I had this whole hour that the food was everyone sleeping longer. The food was just warming in the oven. Everything was fine on the counter. And I just got to sit at my kitchen table. And by time everyone was coming up, everything was ready. I just took it out of the oven. It was on the countertop. Everyone got to make their plates. I helped the kids, and it was exactly what I wanted. I got exactly what I wanted. The time to be available for the people that I'm serving and the time to connect with everyone while still watching them enjoy the food that I made them and see them light up and have just like that, just one part of their day, easy for them. This part is figured out for you. I love to give people that. And the same thing happened with cooking cheeseburgers. I had never. Guys, I've never cooked cheeseburgers before. And I knew, like, that's one of the things that I was gonna make while everyone was here. So I had got everything in advance, and I left an event that we were at just a little bit early with my two little ones so they could have some quiet time, some downtime. And I was like, I'm gonna start the burgers, and then you can cook them when you get there. And the kids will be a little bit more refreshed. And again, like, their event went longer. Just like, everyone slept longer, the event went longer. And I just was like, man, it'd be so nice. This is banking longer. It's approaching 2:00'. Clock. Like, I know everyone feels so hungry. It'd be so nice if. If I just made the burgers. Like, I can make burgers. And I had no idea how to make burgers. I was like, I can figure it out. So I put six pounds of ground. Well, not so true. I think it was. Yes, it was six. I put six pounds of ground beef into this huge bowl, and I'm just, like, winging it with the seasoning. And my husband texts me saying that he normally puts barbecue sauce. I'd be like, drizzling barbecue sauce and the beef. And I got these gloves on. I'm like, mixing it together. A couple of eggs. I like, hoorah. I can do it. And I honestly just felt so. So fulfilled. It was such a rewarding process for me to learn how to make something new, challenge myself outside of my comfort zone of baking and stovetop and oven cooking onto our smoker in the backyard. I was like, okay, I guess I'm using the smoker. Like, let's go. So I turn on the smoker, and I've got all 26 patties made up on this big tray. And I just toss them all on the. All in the smoker. I close the lid. I'm like, on a prayer and a hope that they will turn out good. Because, you know, you can't really sample test this raw beef to See the flavor. So I was like, hey, I just really, really that these are delicious and very satisfying for everyone. And anyway, I cook them. They cook way faster than I thought they were going to. And I again put them in the oven to just set on warm until everyone came. And it was still an hour after I had everything for lunch made is when everyone came a whole hour. So then I took my two little kids to our front yard and we just ate the fruit platter in the front yard. They played in the grass and I just relaxed in the sun. And it just clicked for me. Like, I can have both. I can serve the way that I want to serve. I can, I can prioritize the types of meals that we have. And maybe I just need to put a little bit more intention into my preparation of things. Like when I have a plan like that. Okay, great. Now put some time and intention into preparing so that way I can be available. And what I learned was there's just this like corner quietness, this stillness within me where what, what, what I felt was important was, was so obvious. I wasn't getting worked up by little things spilled juice. I mean, guys, there was so many kids at my house, there's like 15 kids. So obviously there were messes and stuff. And none of it, none of it felt stressful, none of it felt frustrating. When things are spilled on the couch or on the floor or meals are left uneaten or there's skipped naps and like, we gotta run some laundry or goodness, my two year old peeing on things that are not the toilet. Like all those things, it was just. I was focused on what mattered most. The one thing that mattered most. It was just so clear and so true in my heart. And I just want to do whatever I can to guard that. Like, I get this, I get the scripture now that says, guard your heart. Like, above all else, guard your heart. And I, I understand it a little bit better now. And it's just been so amazing for me. So I am living by the mantra, hands like Martha, heart like Mary. Oh, and one last, one last note. That weekend that we had 24 people staying with us and I made 26 cheeseburgers and fresh cinnamon rolls both times for breakfast. I even made biscuits and gravy, homemade biscuits and gravy. Joanna Gaines Cookbook man. Can't go wrong with it. And I made all these beautiful meals. I got more compliments, recognition and help from others than I have at any other time. And it was not because the food was good, because I have made good Food. Every time people come to visit, I really believe it was because of my attitude. Like, people could just feel that I genuinely want to do this. I genuinely put so much thought and care into this preparation and service for them so that I could protect being available to connect with them, that they could feel how at peace I was. And they were complimenting how good the food was. And people are, like, picking up dishes and doing the dishes for me and rinsing things off and asking me questions about the recipes that I use. And just like saying, oh, they're such a great hostess. Thank you so much. This means so much. Like, just all, like, all of the things that I thought I wanted so badly before weren't even on my mind this time. Like, getting recognition was not on my mind. Having someone compliment the food or help me in the kitchen wasn't on my mind at all. Like, I was just. I was doing what I wanted to be doing. And I had such an attitude about it that I believe it was just so much more warm and welcoming and attractive to everyone else. And they could feel that I was available to them. I mean, I was playing baseball in the backyard with my boys and all my nephews and watching my niece's gymnastics meet and playing with all the little kids and getting things out for them. And just I was available. I was available to them and I was able to connect with them more than I ever had before. And I believe I actually served better and did more than I have ever been able to do. And it's just amazing how all the things that I thought I wanted before just came naturally when I stayed focused on what really does matter most. So I hope that this episode just kind of slips right into your heart and resolves some of those concerns and conflicting beliefs and limitations that you've built up in your mind. I hope that this episode helps you to overcome those things. You know, like, life can be so challenging as it is. And I just don't believe that there's a single circumstance that warrants us making life any harder on ourselves by having negative, negative thoughts about other people, about ourselves. Negative self talk is definitely not going to get you further along in life or help you feel any better or more connected with your kids. Criticizing your kids isn't going to help them behave better. And honestly, I just believe that we don't know what to do instead. Like, and I'm here hoping that what I learned to do instead also inspires you of what you can be doing instead too. So hands like Martha, heart like Mary. Let's let's put it on a keychain. Okay. Coffee mug, sweatshirt, hats. Yep, it's all coming. Yeah, I just need to see it everywhere. Keep it in your mind, in your heart, on some sticky notes on your fridge. Guys. Hands like Martha, heart like Mary. I'll see you later.