15. Letting Go of Control

Welcome, welcome, sweet friends. This episode is for you. If you just love to control things, which I did a poll on Instagram, and it was the overwhelming majority of women that follow me on Instagram love this idea of controlling things. Controlling their kids, controlling their home, controlling the schedule, the routines, all of it. Like, dear husband, there was just this. This idea that we have this control. But I'm going to challenge you here. We're going to really work on this perspective because it's not serving you. And I know right now this feels like. What do you mean it's not serving me? If I control things, then I have all this power over everything that I need power over in order to love my life, in order to enjoy this journey in motherhood, right? If I can just control my kids, then I get to enjoy the journey of motherhood. No, not. Not really. So we're going to work on this. First of all, let's talk about. Let's talk about control. Do you really have control? I want you to challenge yourself right here. Keep an open mind, a soft heart, and lean in to what I'm saying. This idea of control is all you've ever had. Every time people tell me, I just can't let go of control, I can't let go of that kind of control. You've never had control. That's why you feel so exhausted, because you're fighting against and you're arguing with reality and life and the way things go and the choices people make and how things are. I'm not saying there's nothing you can do about these things. That's not what I'm saying at all. I'm just saying you've never decided what time your kids wake up in the morning. They did. They make that choice. They control that part. You control how you provide the routine, right? You control what you're doing in that routine. And they control how quickly they fall asleep. You don't control how quickly they fall asleep. But how overwhelming and exhausting does it feel when in our head, when we're like, go to sleep, go to sleep, go to sleep. Why aren't you sleeping yet? Because we believe we control that part, but we don't control that part. So if you're battling these constant feelings of exhaustion and overwhelm, I want you to ask yourself, are you trying to control things that are simply just not meant to be in your control? Is that where you're at? Is that what is going on? Maybe. I know that a lot of people are doing that, trying to control things that were never Meant to be in their control. Right? Controlling other people and making sure that they treat our kids a certain way and everybody waves back to them. Personal story. That bothers me so badly. It just bothers me so badly because I have this belief that it hurts Liam's feelings when people don't wave back to him. And as his mother, I don't want people to hurt his feelings, but I don't control that part. I don't control if Liam waves to somebody. I don't control if people wave back. I don't control how Liam feels and what he thinks about people waving back to him or not waving back to him. Now it's become clear through observation that when Liam waves back to somebody and they don't wave back to him, he feels hurt. Like, he looks at me and says, mama, why didn't they wave back to me? Or, like, even kids will do it to him, adults will do it to him, and kids will do it to him. So instead of taking this approach of, oh, my God, you need people to wave back to you and, like, reaffirming that belief within him, maybe he has this mindset, this belief that I need people to wave back to me. I need to know that they see me. I need to know that they like me. I don't need my three and a half year old thinking that way already, right? So I changed the perspective, I changed the story, the. That both him and I are telling ourselves, especially me, because I don't want to feel upset about this every single time. I really don't. Because I don't control people. And instead of feeling like, oh, my God, freaking people can't even wave to a kid anymore. What's going on in the world? This is ridiculous. You're shutting my kid down. I. I don't want to argue with that part because I don't control that part. What do I control? I. I control what I think, say and do. I control what I think about people not waving back to him. I control what I say to Liam about people not waving back to him, and I control what I do about it. What is my whole demeanor like during this. During this situation? That's what I control. So the way that I've been approaching it and the reason why I want to just, like, share this at the beginning of the episode is so that we can see there's so much more power in what I'm about to talk about and teach you here than there is in this idea of controlling other people and making sure that they wave back at our Kids, it's about how we handle it. It's about controlling ourselves. That's the only control you have. And we're going to talk all about this. However, what I've been talking with Liam about and teaching him, and just recently, I just recently thought about it this way. So it was a long battle, basically, since he was a baby, where I'm just like, gosh, just wave back at the kid. Like, come on, guys, like people around the world, please just be kind to my child. I don't control that part, but I do have an influence over the way Liam perceives that situation by controlling what I say about it. That's what I can do. And that feels very empowering. So I've been telling Liam, we don't wave at people to try and get them to wave back at us. If you want to wave at someone, it's because you want to help them feel special, not make them feel special. Because we don't control how people feel. Right. But our intentions behind what we do can be good and pure and positive for others. So if I'm teaching Liam, you know, some people don't want to wave back, and that's okay because you waved at them, and that helps them feel special. Now they know that you saw them, and some people don't feel like people see them. So that's such a. That's such a kind thing to do. That's such a special thing to do. Liam, I love that about you. And I've seen a shift in him where, yes, it's still, like, I can tell. Like, he wants that wave back, and I want people to wave back, but because I don't control that part, just teaching him that influence that I have over him and what I'm saying, saying as his mother and the trust he has in me to just share a different perspective that maybe he's not seeing. Heck, I haven't even seen it for the last three and a half years of knowing his kind, outgoing heart that waves at people and smiles at people. Ever since he was a baby, he was waving at people, and people have not always waved back. So it's been this long, ongoing thing. And it goes right back to if I focus on trying to make people wave back at my kid and make them be kind and make them smile and even, you know, other kids to be kind and wave back, that feels exhausting. It feels defeating and overwhelming because that's not in my control. I was never meant to have that type of control over other people, and I don't control Liam's. Perspective. Either. Either. But I do get to influence it. So that's the big difference here that we're going to talk about is it's not about controlling other people, other things, making sure everything goes exactly the way that you want it to. When you're struggling with letting go, I'm using air quotes. Letting go of control. You've never had control in the first place. You're just attached to the idea of control, but you've never had it. That's why it feels so exhausting. That's why it feels so overwhelming and defeating. And I know the feeling, guys. I know it, too. It doesn't feel good. And that's why, because it's not meant for us. We're meant to control what we think, what we say and what we do. That's it. Now, a client of mine in my group setting brought up that she had a little bit of a confusion here, and I want to share it here because maybe this resonates with you too. But she said, I told my husband to stop doing something that was offending her and he stopped. So doesn't that mean that I control him because he stopped doing what he was doing because I told him to? No, that's not what that means, because you can't make that decision for him. He is responsible. He's in control of. Of what he thinks, says, and does. Right. That's on him. So you used your influence as his wife, just like I used my influence as Liam's mother to share a new perspective and that in turn, someone decided to change their decisions. Someone decided to change their perspective. You guys know that I share reels on Instagram, Okay? I don't control the way people perceive the reels. I don't control people's perspectives of the content. What I do control is my intention in putting it out there. My intention is always to serve. Is it going to get misinterpreted? Absolutely. Absolutely. Because everybody has a different way of viewing things. Are some people going to feel offended by my positive swaps? Yes, it happens daily. However, I don't attach to what they say because I don't control their perspective. I know that someone's perspective comes from them. It comes from their life experiences. It comes from their mindsets, what they think. Like, it comes from them, not me. So if my intention was good, my intentions are pure. And I'm willing to learn and grow and try each day that I show up. Why? Why would I feel like I need to control the way people view my content? That's A big freaking task to try and control the way people think and what they do and what they're saying. I don't want to, I don't want to be responsible for all that. And I don't think you do either. Ask yourself that. Do you really want to be responsible for controlling your kids, your spouse, your co workers, strangers, family members? Do you want to be responsible for all that? Here's a perspective, guys. Faith aside, it's just the analogy. Okay? So I'm not talking about faith. This is not a faith based podcast in any way. My coaching is not faith based, but I love good analogies. So we know that as people, we have free will. No matter what faith you have, we have the power to decide for ourselves what we're going to do next. No one is controlling us. Okay, so if God didn't even want the responsibility of controlling everything that we think, say and do and all of the outcomes, like if he didn't want, he didn't even want that responsibility. He's like, I'm going to give them free will to make their own choices. Why on earth do we think that it's our job that we have the capacity to control other people and all of the outcomes? Doesn't that seem a bit bizarre? Faith aside, just look at the analogy for what it is. We all have free will. That means the universe never wanted that kind of control over people. And I think it's for good reason, because we know it's exhausting, overwhelming, and depleting. So you don't have control. You have an attachment to the idea of control. And that attachment is something that you can work on releasing. You can work on releasing that and letting that go and stepping into, you know, I'm going to control what I think, say and do and change your perspective when someone does something outside of what you would like them to do, instead of viewing it as this personal attack, and why did you do that and what did I do wrong? And how do I control you and get you back in line? Instead of viewing it that way, just look at it as, this is the choice that you've decided to make. What am I going to do about it? That's the question life is always asking us. Life says, here's your circumstances, right? A bunch of things that you are not in control of. And the question of life is, what are you going to do about it? Because that's what we do, control. Even deciding to do nothing is a choice, right? It's a choice that you made because you control yourself and you Control. And what that means is you control what you think, say, and do. So when your husband changes his behaviors because you asked him to, it does not mean you control him. It means that you use your influence as his wife and he was in his position of being your husband and has this intention of wanting things to go smoother, wanting better communication, wanting, wanting to resolve something. And same thing with our kids. We don't control them. Just because you have taught them something does not mean you controlled how quickly they learned it, if they decided to implement it. Right? The way we teach matters, too, for each one of our kids. And that's what we control. We control the way we teach them and what we decide to teach them, but not if and how quickly they pick it up. If they decide to use what we teach them, that's in their hands. That's what they control. So there's. I just don't want you to continue attaching to this idea that is literally exhausting you and stressing you out and creating all this anxiety of what ifs, what ifs, what ifs. So I'm going to teach you what we can do instead. Okay, so our first step here is to focus on what is in your control. You control what you think, what you say, and what you do. Anything outside of that is not designed for you to control. Sure, you can influence, right? But that influence goes right back to what you think, say, and do. So that's the first step. I'm going to control what I think, say and do. The second big piece here that prevents us from really stepping into our ability to not need to control everything. Like, we have this desire of I'll be safe and I'll be able to actually enjoy my life if I control everything. But that's not true. What is true is that anything can happen. Anything can happen, and you can trust yourself. How big is that? Do you trust yourself, really? Do you trust yourself to control what you think, say and do? Do you trust yourself to show up when the circumstances are just exactly what you didn't want? Do you trust yourself? I'm willing to bet that a lot of women don't trust themselves. And that's a big problem. That's a big problem because then we're always looking at our external environment. Instead of what's going on inside of us and how much power we have within us, we're looking at the external environment to seek out that control. Because we just don't have the faith and trust in ourselves to handle whatever decision our kids make. However, our husband shows up that day. I don't need to control these people. I need to control myself so that I can navigate whatever they choose to do, because what they choose to do is outside of my control. Do we have influence? Yes. And I want you to use it. I want you to set incredible examples. I want people to be able to learn from you. I want you to plant seeds and share joy, and I want that for you. But I want you to release this idea that you're responsible for what everybody else is thinking, saying and doing, because you're not. You're responsible for you. And when you have trust in yourself, it's this beautiful freedom that comes where we're no longer stressing about what's to come in our life. Stressing about the baby waking up at 6 or 5 or whatever. Well, that part's not in your control. You control what you do about it. And what if you just trusted yourself to show up to whatever you're called to do that day, all the circumstances outside of your control, the tantrum that you don't control, the unexpected call from a family member that you haven't talked to in a really long time. And maybe you guys don't have the best relationship. How are you going to show up for that? What if you distrusted yourself for all of that? And what prevents us from. Let's look at that. So now we know. The first thing that we're really focusing on is controlling what you think, say and do. The second thing is trusting yourself to handle whatever circumstances come. Because circumstances are almost always outside of your control. I won't say always, and you don't control any of them, but they're almost always outside of your control. Because we don't control other people, we don't control life, we don't control the unexpected. And we know that. We know that from personal experience. And yet we're arguing with it. And that is exhausting. So we're focusing on trusting ourselves. And this third step is healing the relationship with yourself so that you can fully trust yourself, so that you can fully feel proud and prepared to control what you think, say and do. But if you don't have a great relationship with yourself, if you're struggling with negative self talk, if you're still carrying your shame for years, months, days, however long it's been that you feel ashamed of the things that you've done, it can be way in the past, from your childhood, maybe things that happened to you that you feel ashamed of, things that you did that you feel ashamed of. Or it could have happened yesterday, it could happen today. You feel so ashamed that you yell at your kids. Well, until you heal that shame, you're going to keep yelling at your kids. It's not just about changing what we're doing. It's about understanding why we do it. And all the answers are already within us. We just have to be willing to be vulnerable enough to look, to really look, instead of all of the harsh judgment and criticism and bullying that we do to ourselves and literally shaming ourselves every single day. How are you going to have a great relationship with yourself? Trust yourself to handle whatever comes and your ability to control what you think, say and do in alignment with who you want to be If. If you don't even like yourself. That doesn't make sense to me. That doesn't make sense. So in my approach of helping women focus on controlling what you think, say and do, trusting yourself, and building back that relationship with yourself, it's all through self discovery and healing. That is what I emphasize in my entire coaching program. Why do you do what you do, not just what you do? And oh my gosh, you're a terrible mother because you yell at your kids. No, it sounds like you're having a hard time because you just shared with me that you're yelling at your kids and you feel awful about it. So let's figure out why you're yelling at your kids. Where is this coming from? And holding space there. Self discovery. You have to discover the relationship you have with yourself and then heal it. Self healing. No more of this criticizing and judgmental and bullying type of self talk. How far are you going to get with that? I mean, how far have you gotten so far? I'm. I'm speaking from personal experience here. When I was criticizing, bullying, and shaming myself, I felt like I was just sitting in this dark corner and there was nowhere for me to go. Like the weight of the world was pressing down on me. All of my relationships, I felt like I felt I just sucked in all of them. And I didn't want to be that way. I didn't want to be the daughter that yells at her mom. I didn't want to be the sister that shuts down. I didn't want to be the wife that ignores her husband. And I certainly didn't want to be the mom that was so angry all the time. I didn't want these things, but I felt like I was just in this corner and there was nothing that I could do. And I swear my first pregnancy changed everything because I knew, I knew I Could not be the mom that I wanted to be. You know that vision that we create, Maybe if you ever dreamed about being a mom, you had this idea of what kind of mom you would be. And we cast this vision, and you feel so connected to it, and you know when you're not showing up in that way. So during my pregnancy, before I even met Liam, who's now going to be four in June, before I even met Liam, I knew. I know who I want to be as your mother. And I know that I cannot be her and stay where I'm at with all this anger, all this resentment, all this hurt that I've been carrying and shame that I put on myself. I can't have both. And I'm going to have to choose. What do I want? Do I want to just sit here comfortably? It was comfortable to feel angry. It was comfortable to feel ashamed and to ignore my husband. Are those healthy behaviors? No. But are they comfortable? They were for me. So although it was comfortable to do all those things, and healing felt very uncomfortable. Why? Because, well, healing was something I hadn't done before. Healing was new. All growth is uncomfortable, right? We work our muscles in a workout, and it feels really uncomfortable. We're out of breath, our muscles are burning. We can feel the stretch right in our body, and that can feel uncomfortable. But that doesn't mean it's bad. It means you're growing because all growth is uncomfortable. You're learning how to do something new that feels uncomfortable. You approach something and you don't know how to do it. And you're going to have to show up and say, like, I am a beginner. I'm going to have to learn how to do this. And that feels uncomfortable. But it's not a bad thing. All of those things are growth. So I'm speaking from personal experience here that we. When I took that journey of self discovery to figure out, like, all right, where is this anger coming from? Why do I do what I do? And it was the first time in my entire life that I ever allowed myself to observe without judgment, to observe that I ignore my husband anytime I feel offended by what he did or said or. Or any argument we got in. Even if I started the argument, which was the majority of the time I was starting these arguments, it was me. And I'm just wondering about myself, like, why do I do this? I don't like this. Why do I do it? And instead of bullying myself, criticizing myself, and shaming myself to whatever answers came, I just looked and I held space for myself. To come up with an answer, a possibility of where it could be coming from and what's going on, and then said, oh, that makes so much more sense than I'm a terrible wife. I don't believe I'm a terrible wife. I try really hard, so I'm not a terrible wife. I'm just struggling with xyz. I've been through ABC and I've never healed from that. I just tried to run away from it, to hide from it, and that doesn't heal it because I still feel angry about it. I still have the same emotions from those past experiences. So how am I ever supposed to reflect if I'm stuck in the same emotions? I'm never going to learn a lesson because I you how are you supposed to change your perspective about something and view it differently if you are stuck in the same emotions about the experience? Even if it was 12 years ago? That's where I stayed for so long. And I know we're talking about control in this podcast episode, but I just want you to see how powerful it is to step into this journey of self discovery and healing to understand why you do what you do, learn new skills and tools to change that and to change your entire belief system about who you believe you are and building a mindset that supports you when you do that. Good work. That's right. It's good work. Is it hard? Yes. Is it good? No doubt. It is good work to do even when it feels hard. So when you take that journey of self discovery and healing, you will be able to trust yourself. Isn't that amazing? And when you start trusting yourself, we stop trying to control our we should control all of our circumstances and other people and all of the things of the world. We stop trying to control all these things and we can step into this seat of acceptance. You can accept that not everything's in your control, but you do get to control what you do about things. If that means removing yourself from situations, setting boundaries, changing routines, trying something new, staying disciplined, to not watching TV in the evenings, whatever it looks like for you. You can look at what's going on in front of you and feel empowered and trust yourself to do something about it, do something about it. But how much are you going to do about it if you don't trust yourself, if you don't know who you are, if you don't think you can? Everyone looks at my content and they're like, well, at what point do we start changing our circumstances instead of just trying to change our mindset? You have to change your mindset. If you're going to change your circumstances, I want you to step into this position of believing you can Change your circumstances 100%, but you're not going to get there until you think you can. So it still starts with your mindset. And if you want to really release control, release the idea of control, you have got to get familiar with yourself and discover who you really are and heal the parts of you that no longer aligned so that you can release the idea of control and just step fully into trusting yourself to handle whatever comes like you've done your entire life. Remember, you've never had control. You've attached to the idea of control. So your entire life, you've handled whatever has come. Now, I'm not saying it's always been easy to handle these things, and certainly there have been times that we didn't handle them well. But that doesn't mean you didn't handle them. It doesn't mean you can't get better at handling things, Become more observant, responsive, give yourself time to process before you respond. Instead of reacting in anger and lashing out and shutting down, yeah, you handled it that way. It doesn't mean it was the only way to handle it, but you did the best you could to your mental and physical capacity at that time. So really looking at this, the big picture, and leaning into your power, this undeniable power that you have, when you fully trust yourself, you lean into the influence that you have as a mother, as a wife, as an individual walking around society, we have tremendous influence. People can feel our energy. Do we have to control what other people do? No. But sometimes someone just standing next to you changes their entire day, and that powerful. Did you control them? No, you didn't. But they felt you. You used your influence, and that's something you control. That energy that you put off. What you think, what you say, what you do, how you respond, how much time you give yourself to process before you respond, how observant you are instead of critical. Right. How accepting you are instead of judgmental. You control all of that. And I know it sounds so much harder. I know it does. It sounds so much harder to control yourself than other people because we finally have to look in the mirror and look at what we're doing. We have to observe our thoughts and understand what it is we're thinking. And that feels hard because we finally come to this realization where it's like, oh, my God, these are the choices I'm making. These are the thoughts I'm entertaining. Those are the words I'm saying. I did this. I'm doing this. No one's making me. No one has that kind of control over me. Because if you don't control other people, then they don't control you either. We have this idea that people make us mad. No, they don't. No, they don't. You respond with anger. And trust me, I know firsthand that I respond with anger sometimes. And that's on me. I want it to be on me. I don't want it to be someone else's fault that I got angry, that I yelled at them, that I ignored them, that I said something mean on Instagram or whatever, like it's no one else's fault. It's my responsibility to control what I think, say and do. And if I ever give that power away, that's on me. No one can take it. I give it to them. Why would I give that away? I hope you're seeing these concepts as just undeniably empowering and beautiful, and you're exploring and maybe envisioning right now just how far they can take you in your life if you start applying them. So let's review those three points. Number one, you control what you think, say, and do. Number two, if we're trying to release the idea of control, right, we are going to start trusting ourselves to handle whatever comes. The tantrum, the argument, the miscarriage, infertility, divorce, whatever comes. You trust yourself. You trust yourself to control what you think, say, and do through all of the things that life is going to shoot at us that we don't control. And you're going to feel more empowered, and you're not anticipating all the bad things happening, right? You're enjoying your present moment that you have in life, fully enjoying that, fully embracing it, because you're not worried about what's to come. Isn't that amazing? You don't have to fear what's to come. You don't have to worry about it. You don't have to live in this anxious place of, what will I do? How will I handle it? Oh, my God, I can't do this. And you don't have to live in that place, because you know what you'll do. You know that you can trust yourself. You know that you'll handle it, because you always have. And now that you have this new knowledge, this new found step in who you are and healing the relationship with yourself, you know you're going to handle things even better than you ever have before. Beautiful. Just what we need. And that third piece Is healing the relationship with yourself. Whatever it is you find about yourself, however it is you find it. If you find that piece of yourself through yelling at your kids, you found it. Now what am I going to do about it? Heal the relationship with yourself. Allow yourself to discover what it is that's creating all of these emotions inside of you. All of the actions that don't align with who you want to be. All the things you say that don't. Don't align with what you want to say and how you want to show up. Instead of just viewing it as well, this is what I'm doing because I'm a terrible person. We're viewing it as this is what I'm doing. Why am I doing it? I know I'm not a terrible person. I try, I care, I want more. So why am I doing this? That's self discovery and healing. What you find is invaluable. It will change your entire life because you'll change yourself. And when you change yourself, your life changes. So those are our three points that we're focusing on and those are the three points that I want you to implement right now. Today. I control what I think, say and do. I trust myself to handle whatever comes and to get better at handling what comes. Because I learn as I grow through my challenges and my hardships. And point number three, I'm healing the relationship with myself. I'm getting there. I'm doing it. And if you need more help getting there and doing it, I have an entire 12 week course for you that's dedicated to the journey of self discovery and healing so that you can finally be who you want to be. With a mindset that supports you because you're going to learn the skills and tools you need to do so. March 15th is the enrollment date for my course. And it's the last time that I'm running it in a group setting like this for 2022 for. So the next time I'm going to run it is New Year's of 2023. And I don't want you to wait nine more months to finally figure this out. I don't want you to kick yourself for missing out on the spring session. If you know you need this, if you know that this idea of control is creating your exhaustion. Right? If you know that, let's work through it. Let's get through the self discovery. Let's do it together. I have it laid out in a roadmap for, for you because I know what it feels like to do it on my own. Spend Years figuring it out and all the twists and turns and setbacks and, gosh, like, tremendous leaps forward. Everything that I experienced going through this journey on my own, that's why I've laid it out for you. I know this is my calling. I know that this is the purpose that I have and why I went through my own journey at the time that I did, in the process that I did, and what I learned in what order. It all makes so much sense now that I am where I am. Did it make sense then? No. But I'm so glad that it does now. And I want you to be able to have a perspective of your life and who you are and what you've been through that makes sense for you now. I want you to get your lessons right. I don't want you to just continue sitting in the same emotions that you've had for 12, 15, 20 years. At what point do we allow ourselves to heal? I'm not saying that you can't stay angry about something. That's not at all what I'm saying. I'm saying that if you don't want to feel angry about something anymore, then you deserve to heal. Because anger hurts you, hatred hurts you. Hanging on to all that resentment hurts you. And I really don't believe that any of us deserve to hurt that much for that long, especially to do it to ourselves. And I just wish I would have learned it sooner. But I'm grateful that I learned it when I did. I'm grateful that the timing of being pregnant with my first was every single ounce of commitment and accountability that I needed to go through the journey, because I just wasn't willing to give up. I wasn't willing to give up that vision that I told you about, the vision of the mother I wanted to be. I wasn't willing to give her up. And because I didn't give her up, I chose healing. I chose healing over my comfortable anger, my comfortable shutting down, my comfortable yelling, my comfortable ignoring. I chose healing over what was comfortable. So if this feels really uncomfortable for you, that's okay. It makes sense why. But it doesn't mean it's healthy. Just because something feels comfortable does not mean it's healthy. And just because something feels hard does not mean it's bad. We really have to challenge these perspectives that we have. And as always, I hope this podcast episode served you tremendously and that I get to see you inside of my coaching program, Mind Body Alignment, when the enrollment opens on March 15th. And as a special little invitation for you, I also am running free master classes. The three steps you need to change your mindset no matter the circumstances. So if you love the podcast episodes, if you're enjoying my Instagram, you will absolutely love the masterclass with me. They're live and available for replay, so click the link down in the show notes and you'll be able to reserve a spot to the free Masterclass on a day and time that works best for you. And if you can't make it live, that's okay. Register so that I have your email and I can send you a replay link when they become available. You're doing a great job and I'm so incredibly proud of you. And I know that maybe you're not saying it to yourself often enough, so. So I just want to let you know that you're doing the best you can. Remember that you're doing the best you can. And as you heal, your capacity to do more will grow. It will grow with you. I'm so proud of you. Thank you for being here and I'll talk to you soon.