150. Discipline Through Discipleship- Raising Children Who Reflect Christ

Hey, friends, welcome back to the show. I've prepared a very special episode for us to be going through discipline, through discipleship, raising children who reflect Christ. That's what this episode is going to be about, is discipling our children over this old understanding of disciplining our children. I want to unpack the difference. What is discipline? Being able to discern discipleship with discipline and what it is that we use discipline for. So you know, when I mean, discipline is an extremely positive thing and it's not the same as punishment. So we're gonna go through the differences there. Discipline to build identity. Choosing discipline over punishment, what does that even look like? And parenting from values rather than just this reactivity to our kids behavior. And then we can look forward to building a disciplined home and what that can look like. I first want to open up this episode though with a little bit of an understanding. Okay. I want us to sign a mutual peace treaty when it comes to my energy, because when I talk about things that I feel such personal conviction on, like this, I still, I feel so personally convicted about this. And I've seen it in my own life, in my own home, every single single day in my scripture. It's been confirming this to me. And I, I have a stronger energy when I feel personally convicted. So this passion may come across as judgment. And I always, I'm telling you this, I have a heart of holding myself accountable into a higher standard. And when the passion comes out and I'm so sounding so convicted about something, it is personal. It's just, it's a personal thing within me and myself. I am in support and in favor of you being the mom you want to be. So please have some grace with my energy. If it's ever coming across strong, I am going to try really hard to keep it in check on this episode and speak with my heart as I share these points. So how this came to be though is a few days ago I posted a reel on my Instagram. I'll link it below so you guys can watch it if you haven't yet. And I love this piece of content. It's 90 seconds. I loved this moment with my son. Although it felt very difficult to do, it felt extremely right to do it. And it just reminded me of having the self discipline to allow this to happen rather than trying to control it and control my son. So you guys know I make a lot of this, like, hear how I say yes? Content. And my goal is to teach other parents how they can use more positive language in their parenting and in their home and reserve the no for when you really mean it so that it can keep its value and, and severity. And that's my, that's my approach, that's my heart. And I honestly just love positive communication so much. I really do. I think it's fun. It feels like a brain game. I feel intellectually stimulated. I love the challenge. So I do it. I, I do it more excessively. I do it more on the extreme end. And I can own that. I love being over there. So anyway, I post this real. And I was truly so naive to think like, oh my gosh, people are just going to really appreciate this reminder. Like we share this perspective of how valuable it is to let our kids feel their emotions like children. Just super naive. And honestly, I think that's one of my strengths in creating content for social media is I get so naive to think that it's going to land so well so that I just keep showing up and making content and doing this because that naive part of me is determined to stay childlike and optimistic, which, you know, bless it, it keeps me going. So anyway, I post this reel and the comments, truly some of them, I mean, I would say 90% of the comments are, are exactly what I was hoping for and anticipating. And then there's 10%. And the reel also performed better than I was anticipating. It's a longer piece of content. So I was like, okay, it's just gonna pretty much be my understanding audience that this reaches rather than being this huge controversial thing. Well, turns out it's the controversial thing, which, you know, Instagram. Thank you. Anyway, so the 10 of comments though, inspired this episode. The 10 of comments inspired this episode because they were the 10 saying, no, this is wrong. You just let your child dictate the adult decision and you need to be disciplining your kids. And I'm so concerned for what our future is going to look like when these are the men that you're raising. They're going to be so soft, they have no sense of self. They're going to be disobedient and think that the whole world owes like this privilege and entitlement, the world owes them these things. And really, really just blew my mind. Blew my mind. And I can understand from one parent to another, when we feel so strongly convicted about something, it's hard to remain open minded. Truly can be. And I've experienced that too, honestly. So I'm trying to stay in the most compassionate place while also bringing awareness because God was also brought up in the comments and in the context of this, where it's our job as parents to discipline our children. And you hate your child if you spare them the rod. So they're pulling on different parts of scripture and I just want to bring all that up. Like, I want to put it all in this episode. I do. So that's what we're going to do. Welcome, welcome, friends. So anyway, context of this, this reel, I'm again gonna link it for you. But it was 90 seconds long. I told my son, I'm ready to go into the store. Are you ready to come with me? Because he was already resisting coming out of the car. And I had my baby on my hip. I already had him unbuckled. So I go to open the door, he's like, no, I'm not coming. And I was like, all right, well, Jake and I will wait right here for you to be ready to come into the store. And then I turn my back to my son in the open door and I'm literally just breathing in the fresh air, taken in the sunshine beating on my face. It felt so good. I start stretching out my neck and I'm just. I'm just chilling, guys, just breathing. And I'm like. And it does feel difficult too, because a part of me wants to rush. A part of me wants to just get this errand done, check it off, be productive, move quickly, be efficient, right in this urgent state. Like, part of me feels that. And I think I've just been doing this so intentionally for so long that I appreciate the opportunities where my kids create a slower pace for me. I think that's the pace that I'm more. I'm more designed to operate in. So I try to be like them in that sense. Like I can slow down. And it's a really healthy and beneficial thing to slow down. So I was giving him time. Now the main reason why it's giving him time is because I know. I know the science of emotions. And I'm going to fill you in on the science of emotions. And it says that it takes 90 seconds to properly feel and experience a chemical neuro combustion that happens to create an emotion. 90 seconds. Literally 90 seconds from start to finish, the feeling begins to dissipate at the 90 second mark. Did you know that? Isn't that so empowering? 90 flipping seconds. Okay, here comes the passion. All right, so I knew that and I was already recording myself because I was doing the yes language stuff. And I decided to keep the camera going. Cause I'm like, just curious, what is this going to look like if I Take this approach, teaching myself all these things. Right. And it does take 90 seconds. So I decided to wait and I swear to you, just before the 90 second mark, my son came out the car. 90 seconds. My three year old obeyed. He, he followed my instruction and he had an excellent attitude. Coming into the store. I'm gonna close the door. All by myself. I did it all by myself. He was, we were all stuck, still connected, thriving, happy. Going into our next task together as a family unit, as a team. And yes, I did give him 90 seconds to feel his emotion. Now that is where the comments got all ugly because for the 10%, right majority, really awesome 10%. Wow. They're saying that I was letting him control and I broke my boundary and came. Kids need structure. Kids need discipline. Oh no, you're going to listen to me because I'm the adult. Well, you know, I'm just going to put a little drop in here about that mindset you're teaching your kids. If you say you listen to me because I'm the adult. Yeah. So when you do that and they're around a dangerous adult and that dangerous adult that wants to harm your child and you want them to just obey because this is the adult and that adult says, come to this room with me. Are you still gonna like that your kids think I'm just supposed to obey every adult? Yeah. No, no, thank you. I think the world has shown me enough from my own childhood and just from what I continue to learn every day about what's out there. I want to teach my kids to listen to their gut, to trust their intuition, to know like if something feels like a threat to you, trust that, trust that and come to me every time, come to me, let me know. You're welcome to yell, you're welcome to scream, save that. Absolutely. Like I just, I have personally been, been harmed and as a kid I wish I were taught these things. So I feel very convicted in this approach and I, while I try really hard to remain open minded, I, I see more harm than good in teaching my kids this fast way of conveniently obeying what other people are saying. And I lack people pleasing tendencies. So if it upsets someone else that my child questions them or feels uncomfortable around them, well, that's to me for that person to deal with and I feel good with that. Anyway, though, that's where this came up. Like you should not be giving your kids 90 seconds to feel their emotions before obeying you. That 90 second wait, that 90 second delay is too long. It needs to be immediate and Then there's this like little fancy tagline mindset mantra that people are in of delayed obedience is disobedience. And I'm just really thinking of it like, honestly, if I obeyed God within 90 seconds of his instruction, I think he'd be really proud. Honestly, like, if I just think of my tendencies, my nature, to del, to delay, to procrastinate, what I feel I'm being called to do. If I did it all in 90 seconds, I really feel like God would be doing a happy dance. He'd be like, look at her, she's so obedient. Gosh, she just gets it. She works through feeling so fast. And let's just talk about human design, guys. If we're gonna really bring this in to what go expects of us when it comes to obedience, why did he design our bodies to experience a 90 second chemical reaction? Why did he do that? Why did he design our nervous system to go into stress responses? Why did he do that? If he cared so much about immediate obedience, why did he give us free will? Now, I feel very comfortable saying this on the podcast and I find it very difficult to say these things in the comments on my Instagram. So I obviously am just reserving these things for you guys. And this is where I feel personal conviction. This is my personal conviction speaking where I just know. I know God made me. God made me. And he said he made me in his image. This is how he wants me to be, right? These, these chemical responses in my body, my nervous system going into a stress response. Him giving me free will, this is how he wants my design to be. So instead of trying to change and alter this chemical emotional reaction that my kids are experiencing by God's design and trying to speed up or, or, gosh, condemn them for experiencing a stress response. I really think that my job is to lead them through it. It's to teach them what to do when they experience an emotion. Can you imagine if adults just chose to take 90 seconds to feel their emotion, to breathe, to stay intellectually engaged, rather than just leaning into their stress response so quickly? Could you imagine what the world would look like if adults did that? Instead of flipping people off on the freeway because you felt a little stressed, you felt a little inconvenienced, and you don't know what to do with your emotions, Leaving, honestly, leaving such mean comments on other people's social media content because you couldn't just feel your emotion for 90 seconds. Have the discipline, discipline to feel your emotion for 90 seconds and then keep scrolling, move along, you Feel so passionate, you feel so convicted about your parenting approach. Why not go make some content about it? Go teach it. I'm sure there are other people that want to learn that instead of wasting your time arguing with other people. And that's the thing is, like, if it's a question to gain understanding, that's one thing. If it's just, oh, I'm gonna say, why, she's wrong. And other moms need to be cautious because, you know, things like this may look good, but it is bad parenting. This is wrong. Like, wow, you just. You're like an endless pit. Endless pit of hurtful things to say, aren't you? Amazing. You can come up with all this amazing. Okay, guys, that is everything I wanted to say about the piece of content that I created. I'm reading it back in now. Let's get into the good stuff, the real good stuff. This four parts that I put together about discipline. Discipline through discipleship. First, let's understand the context of the word discipline, the meaning of it. Discipline is from the same root, Latin root as disciple. Discipline and disciple come from the same Latin root, which is to teach, train, and shape. That's very important. So if discipline and disciple have the same Latin root to teach, then wouldn't discipline be all about teaching? Well, yes, it is. Yes, it is. So what about punishment? Well, punishment responds to wrongdoing. Punishment responds to the wrong behavior. Discipline prepares for righteousness because it comes from the same Latin root as disciple. And the word disciple literally means to follow Jesus or your. Your higher belief system. So to be a disciple of Jesus means I am a follower of Jesus. And believe me, I've had to learn what apostle means, what Jesus, what disciple means, because I'm reading these birds in the Bible over the past few years, and when I first picked up that Bible and they're saying disciples of Jesus, I'm like, what the heck is a disciple of Jesus? Like, I. Please teach me. I would love to know the terminology here. So I feel very. I. I appreciate that My. My faith has been. I. I like to think of it as just. It's so new. Like, I. I truly have childlike faith because I've gotten to just read the Bible and allow my faith to explore and be creative and to catch me, to be my safety, just like a child. And I'm 31 years old, so I appreciate that. I've only been reading the Bible for three years because it's. It's prepared me to ask every single question. What does that mean? Look this up. Where was that who was that again? Wait, where is this related. Oh, my gosh. This. That's this person's mom. Like, wow. Leah is Jesus's great, great grandma. Like, Jesus left home at 12 years old. That's insane. Like, all these. All these things that come up, I. I do find them to be. I have childlike excitement and enthusiasm learning these things. Um, so anyway, disciple of Jesus means to be a follower of Jesus. So if I'm going to discipline and disciple and discipline are one in the same, wouldn't I be following Jesus through my forms of discipline in the ways I prepare my kids for righteousness, wouldn't I still follow Jesus in that act? Now then comes the contact, like they're throwing out some scripture. The. The gosh, that infamous scripture of how we're supposed to. Like, if you spare your child the rod, then you hate your child. There's that scripture in there. I believe it's in proverbs, and I've read that too. Now, I also think it's very interesting that a rod is a shepherd's tool. That's what that is. So if a shepherd uses a rod to discipline his flock, and by discipline, we mean to teach, to train, to shape them. Okay, here's where we go. It's more. So you put the rod down and as your boundary and make the only available option very clear to that sheep. So that sheep moves all on its own. Have you ever seen a shepherd walk around with a leash on a hundred of his sheep? Nope. That actually is not the way we do it. We don't do that. Have you ever seen or heard of a shepherd use his rod to. To beat his sheep ever? You ever heard of that? Ever seen that? Yeah. It's because it's not what you use the rod for. It's not what it's for. The rod is to guide and teach and train the sheep. Which means you put it down and you guide them in the correct direction. That is what it is for. Yeah. You put it out in front and you gently just like, make it as basically like the fence line for the sheep to go the other direction. And when you do use the rod to fight off a predator, because some of these rods, they have, like, a weapon designed in them. Yeah. I promise you a shepherd never used that to kill his sheep. Promise. Feel very confident in that. He did use it to fight off predators, to warn off predators. So if there's a wolf coming after the flock, he'll use the weapon on his rod to fight off the predator. That's what it's for. So if you're gonna use that line from scripture to justify yelling, spanking, hitting, lashing, whipping kids, we're actually taking it in the wrong direction. Yeah. Because we're called to be disciples of Jesus Christ. And all through scripture, you will never see. See, in Scripture, Jesus beat somebody. He never beat anybody. He didn't. He didn't spank anyone or force people. He didn't worry about controlling them. He had self discipline, immense amounts of self discipline. And In Hebrews, verse 12, 11, Hebrews, Hebrews 12, verse 11, it says in new living translation, no discipline is enjoyable while it's happening. It's painful. But afterward, there'll be great peace. There will be a peaceful harvest of right living for those who are trained in this way. So while it feels painful to wait for our kids to experience that 90 second emotion, it feels painful for you. It's what they need. You are meeting your child's need. It feels painful for you to keep the family on the best routine, the best schedule for your home to make sure everyone's getting the right sleep, restorative sleep. Right. We're making sure that we stick to this bedtime. Even when it feels hard to do it. It would be easier to turn on the show. It'd be easier to just say, okay, whatever, we'll stay up late tonight. It would be easier to skip. Skip the teaching, skip the lesson. It's easier to pick up a meal from fast. From a fast food restaurant than it is to cook it at home. All of that's easier. It is literally painful on some degree. It doesn't have to be a physical pain, guys. It can be emotionally painful, mentally painful, spiritually painful. It feels taxing. It feels difficult to get our kids in the bath and keep them to this routine and schedule that they are fighting against and swearing they don't feel tired. Meanwhile, they lay down in our sleep three minutes later. Weird. It feels painful to be disciplined, to do what is right. Even when it is hard to wake yourself up early to get out of bed, to journal. Gosh. When your brain is like bouncing around to all these different places and ideas, and we're like, okay, brain, we're gonna journal because we need this mental rehearsal in order to have the kind of day we want to have with our kids and with our spouse and to pursue what we want for ourselves intellectually and professionally, we're gonna journal. And the brain's like, I got nothing. Yeah. It feels painful to just sit and stare at this stinking page. I get it. It feels Painful to do the workout. Hello. Yes, I get it. It feels painful to go for a run. Yes, I get it. No discipline is enjoyable while it is happening. It is painful. But afterward there will be a peaceful harvest of right living for those who are trained in this way. So if we consider parenting through Hebrews and stop only referencing this, if you spare your child the rod, you hate your son. Okay, yeah. What about all of the other places in the Bible that it talks about the words we choose to use? We choose to speak life. We choose to be people of mercy. How are you going to have merciful children when you were not a merciful parent? Don't you think a parent coming, coming from this place of do what I say, when I say it, because I said so is actually leaning more towards entitlement and privilege? Like you're teaching your children to be entitled and privileged rather than gracious and merciful because the world owes them something. What? Because now you're the adult who owes you something because you're an adult. Because you reach the age of 30. What do my kids owe me because I'm 31? Is it really about being an adult? And I understand that there's scripture that says, like, children shall obey their parents. I mean, that's in our commandments. I get that. To honor your mother and father, obey your mother and father. I get that. I do. And I do believe that to be important. And I believe that the way I disciple my children and I show them who Jesus is through my behaviors, through my choices to do what is hard and right to do what is right even when it's hard. That I want my kids to choose to obey me. I want them to choose to respect me just as I choose to respect other people, just as I choose to obey the commandments. Right? Because God gave me free will. And guess what? He gave it to my kids too. So how do I teach them, train them, shape them to make the right choice just because it's right, not because somebody is older than you, not because this is, this is what they're telling you to do? We have free will. We have agency. And the goal here, when we're using discipline to prepare for righteousness is honest to honestly to be self disciplined. So discipline to do what is right even when it is hard starts with me. If I myself lose agency and self control when I feel angry and I yell at my kids or pinch them for pinching their brother, they only learn that this is what we do when we feel angry. Anything else I'm trying to teach Goes out the window if my actions betray my words. If my words were saying, hey, when you feel angry, you take a deep breath and you walk away. And yet my actions show. When I feel angry, I yell and pinch you. What are my kids going to do when they feel angry? Are they seriously going to reach the standard in which I'm setting that I myself am not reaching? No. No. And I am a big, I'm a big advocate that I want my kids to be better than me. I want my kids to do better than me. I want them to think better than me. I want them to physically be better than me in every, every way. I want their faith to be better than mine. And I want to make it really difficult for them to be better than me. I want to hold myself to a standard of excellence and strive to be as, as remarkable of a person, as an individual, as I can be so that I set the bar really high for my kids. You want to be better than me? Great. I can already do 10 pull ups. How many can you do? You want to be stronger than me? Great. This is how much weight I can lift. You're gonna have to beat that minimum. Right? This is what my morning routine looks like for myself. This is what time I go to sleep. This is what time I wake up. This is when I read my scripture. This is how many pages, this is how many journals I have filled. You wanna be better than me? There you go. There's the example. And that takes us into our next point. Discipline requires self government. In the Bible, I am not called to control and govern other people, even my children. I'm not called to control them. I'm called to. To discipline them. And remember, that comes to the Latin root disciple. If I am a disciple of Jesus Christ, the way I discipline people needs to reflect that. And I am strongly convicted in that. Within my faith, within my parenting, within my motherhood. I'm not called. It says all over the Bible, I am not called to control my husband. That is not my job. And anything trying to tempt me to control him through my words, through my behaviors, through bribery. Right. Well, and, and using, using intimacy as a, as a token of trade. Right. Well, I'm only going to be intimate with you if you've done X, Y and Z or. We withhold connection. We withhold intimacy as a form of punishment. That's actually the opposite of what the Bible says. The body. The Bible says that my body is his and his body is mine. So that feels hard, right? That feels painful. When, When I want to withhold connection, to prove a point, to teach a lesson. You no. Discipline is enjoyable while it's happening. It's painful. And when you choose to do what is right over what is easy, you will experience a fruitful harvest, a peaceful harvest, and have that right living. So Scripture has it all over anyway. Discipline requires self government. So that's our second point here. Self discipline as a parent is foundational. Your children may break rules, but you do not break your standards when they break those rules. What are the standards in which you hold yourself to no matter what your kids are doing? And that comes back to the actual heart of the work that I do for myself in my own home and what I feel so passionate and called to share here with you. To be the mom you want to be no matter where you go or who you're with, if you are only the mom you want to be when your kids are behaving in favor of what you prefer, how tried and true is it for you to be the mom you want to be? Do you really know that you're going to be the mom that you want to be when your kids lie? Do you know you're going to be the mom you want to be when your kids hit each other? Do you know you're going to be the mom you want to be when your kids steal something, do you know you're going to be the mom you want to be when they refuse to get in their buckles, when they tell you no, when they throw that glass plate right? When they. When they hide something, when they sneak off with a candy that you told them they can't have, do you know you're going to be the mom you want to be when they do do the things, all the things that kids do when they get hurt, when someone hurts them, when they hurt somebody, that level of self esteem, that sureness of self, that self discipline, discipline increases your self esteem. That increases your trust in yourself to know I am. I can receive hurtful comments on Instagram and I will still govern my thoughts, I will still govern my tongue. I will hold myself to a higher standard than other people are holding themselves to just because their bars on the floor. Yeah, mine's actually still up in the clouds there. Thank you. It's fine. You're going to attack my character. Well, I will just say that we have different worldviews. Am I going to attack your character? No, you're going to say that I'm obsessed with not saying no to my kids. Well, if I heard you use excessive amounts of Negative language. And I heard you exceedingly say no to your kids. I would not say that you're obsessed with saying no. I wouldn't attack your character and call you a negative person. I would literally just say, this is your preferred style of communication. And if you want to change your preferred style of communication, you can do that. Which one's more helpful? Friends. Anyway, Self discipline, right? So when I react and focus on punishment, my child's attention is also now fully focused on my behavior instead of their own. So when. When my son is hanging out in the car saying, no, I'm not coming with you. Now, I've already got the baby on the hip, and I am ready to go into the store, and I say, okay, Jakey, and I will wait right here for you until you're ready. And I remove all the stress. And I'm proud. I am proud. That is in alignment with the mother that I want to be with, the mother that I want my children to have. With the example that I'd be happy for anybody to watch me set. Anyone in a parking. That parking lot could have been full and anyone could have been watching, and I would have. I would've known. This is what I want them to see. This is who I want to be right here in this setting, right now with my son. This is an example that I wanna set, and I'm gonna do it, and it's gonna feel hard, and I'm gonna do it. So how can I make this a little bit more enjoyable? I'm gonna breathe in the fresh air and take in the stinking sunshine. That is what I'm gonna do anyway. In that moment, though, what would have happened? Guys, it's on. It's on video. It took 90 seconds for my son to decide on his own to come outta the car. And if I would have followed the advice and guidance in the Instagram comments, then I should have been giving my child choices to come out of the car. Now, because you obey me right, when I say to do something, and I find that to be a little bit ironic. Like, it's okay for me to bend to my child's will and give them all these choices of how they can come out of the car, right? You can crawl out of the car like a tiger or you can hop like a frog, which, I mean, I communicate like that with my kids, too. I love to give my kids choices. I'm just saying, why is that any better than just waiting? Making the only option available to my son known and the boundary that I hold and waiting 90 seconds? Do you think he would have come out of the car any faster than nine? What's the goal? 45 seconds? 30 seconds? Are you kidding me? Like that? That is where my brain goes about this. I'm just like, how, how is 90 seconds less than a win? If I, if it did not require me to provide all these options and choices and give him a positive consequence of coming out of the car. If I didn't have to pull these other tools, which, those are tools, right? Giving choices, tools. If I only needed one tool, one tool in that moment and it still took 90 seconds, which I'm willing to bet that if I were to provide all these choices and done these things and entertained the behavior, because that's really what you're doing when you're providing choices is you're entertaining the initial behavior your child has. If I were to have done that, who's to say it would have happened any faster than 90 seconds? I honestly believe it would have taken longer than 90 seconds. I do, I do. And it would have, it would have taken more mental energy from me to come up with those choices for him to make these decisions to entertain this behavior. It would have taken more mental energy than just stepping to the side, taken in the sun and being quiet. I got to be quiet, guys. How about that win as a mom? I got to be quiet and my sensitive made the right choice. So in these times though, if I were to have follow their advice, given the choices, which again, I'm using more mental energy to do that, warm, more emotional capacity to exercise my patience. That requires more patience than me being quiet, breathing and taking in the sun. It requires more patience for me to provide choices and options for him and say, you need to do it now. Right. So in doing that, though, it also increases the stress of the moment. And when the stress is increased, science says that a child's frontal lobe, their logical mind responsible, their frontal lobe, which is responsible for logic and reasoning, is undeveloped, underdeveloped, and it's not fully developed until their twenties. So we're talking about three year old guys. What does it mean? If their frontal lobe is so immature, then what are our kids using? Oh, they're using their lower mind. Okay, so if they're, if they're using the lower brain, what does the lower brain do? Oh, wait, the lower brain is where we have these emotions. Their amygdala is, is capable of creating all the emotions. And our children are born with all the emotions and none of the skills to regulate, to communicate through those emotions, which is why there's so much reactivity. And if they are in that lower brain so much, that means they have a heightened sense of emotion. They, that's how our kids stay safe is by reading our stress, reading our emotional state and matching it. They have mirror neuron, mirror neurons that allow them to copy our emotional state. So that said, if we know emotional states are highly impactful for kids. And now I'm feeling a little bit more impatient, a little bit more stressed, a little bit more frazzled. And I'm still in this rush and urgency because I myself did not take 90 seconds if that happens. And now I'm telling my son, come out of the car. Your only option right now is to come out of the car. And he says, no, I'm not coming out of the car. I don't want to go, I want to go back home. And I'm like, well, guess what, we're going to the store. And he's now running to the back of my SUV because I have an suv, because I have four children. I have a family of six, so I have an suv. It's a little bit more complicated now because I've got these huge car seats that he can also hide behind. I've got four car seats in this SUV and a back row for him to get to, which he will go to. He will go to. Then what, guys? Then what am I? Am I seriously a disciple of Jesus Christ crawling through my car, hollering at my son, reaching for his little leg or his little hand to pull him out? Is that self discipline? Is that being a disciple of Jesus? And guys, I'm telling you right now, I have done that. I have done that. So since I know how awful it feels to do that, I've got a question. Why does it feel so awful to do that? Why does it feel so awful to feel like I'm losing my sense of self control and just reacting to his reaction? And now I'm matching his emotional state rather than seeing, setting the tone, rather than being the example, rather than being the adult disciple of Jesus Christ to the child disciple of Jesus Christ. Like, I just, I'm just speaking from personal experience. It feels awful to feel like I've lost, I've lost control of the situation. For people to watch a 90 second reel and be like, you lost control of the situation, like it or not, your child's in control of that situation is insane to me. It's insane to me. Did I put him back in his buckle? Say, all right, okay, I guess we'll Just go to the store tomorrow. You don't want to go, it's fine that you don't want to go. We'll just leave. What? What? We went to the store. We went to the store. I parked the car in the parking lot, went around, got my baby out, opened the door for my toddler to get out and he told me no. And I said, well, it's actually a yes. I will give you a little bit of time to feel that though, and then you can come with me when you're ready. And wouldn't you know it, when you remove the stress and you become an emotional state, they want to match like their bodies are literally designed to do. And God designed our children to follow us. They are programmed to want to connect with us, to want to belong with us. That's all taken care of. Now we just have to set the right example, right? When we do that, we respond from a place of values. So instead of reacting to my kids behavior, I'm going to respond with a sense of values. What value matters to me right now? Patience does matter to me. It does matter to me. Mercy, grace, examples, self, discipline, all of that matters to me. And friends, I'm gonna say this in just a minute, so I'm gonna hold that note anyway and we're gonna throw some scripture into this to back it up. So instead of reacting and focus on punishment, my child's attention is now focused on my behavior. So if I go crawling through the car and I start yelling and grabbing him and pulling him, instead of my child realizing that he was the one making the wrong choice, mom made the right choice. How is he ever going to reflect on his misbehavior if he's so focused on mine? I've got to let him be in the wrong so that he can and stay in the right. I've got to stay in the right while letting him be in the wrong so that he can realize, whoa, my mom's in the right. And it feels really bad what I'm doing instead of it feels so bad that my mom did this to me. My mom just hurt my feelings. I've got big feeling kids, guys, big feeling, strong willed boys. And some of them it's like as soon as I lose my self governing agency, as soon as I lose my self discipline, he has completely forgotten what he did. He has that that's left the conversation, that is left the equation. Now it's just a mom, you did this. And it hurt my feelings. And I just really think you should be saying you're sorry. And now's a good time for you to do your burpees like. And I'm like, ok, well actually you're right about part of this and takes two, kiddo. You're a part of this too. And it's just so much easier though when I hold myself to the higher standard and I focus on my own discipline when my kids choose the wrong or they're in the wrong choice. Right, because then that at least they can acknowledge that they made the wrong choice instead of focusing so strongly on me and my wrong choice. So Proverbs 25:28 says in New Living translation, a person without self control is like a city with broken down walls. Yeah. And I think self control also applies to what we comment on and what we say on Instagram, on social media. Okay, just gonna throw that out there. So yes, we know that self discipline can look like the way that we choose to respond to our kids when they are yelling at us or saying something hurtful to us. How do we choose to respond? That's self discipline. Self discipline also looks like keeping to the bedtime when you feel tired, when you know this is a good time for the kids to get in the tub. Well, keeping to that, having the self discipline to do that instead of saying, okay, fine, you guys can skip it. You guys can stay up doing what's easy over what's right. If you're doing what's easy over what's right, it is a lack of self discipline. And I hold myself to the same standard. I feel conviction over this too. If I am picking up a quick dinner instead of using the groceries that I have in my home, I am lacking self discipline. If I had a thought in my head like, man, I really wanted to make dinner tonight and it's late and I just, I just feel so tired. I don't really feel like doing would just be so nice to take the easy. Okay, yeah, so that's going against my self discipline. And again, these are hard things, guys. Hard things. I. I get it. You don't feel like working out. Totally get it. Totally get it. And when you choose to work out, when you don't feel like working out, that is an act of self discipline, which to be completely honest, most days I don't feel like working out. I don't feel like going for the run, I don't feel like lifting weights. I don't feel like doing it with my kids around me, especially if I didn't do it that morning. And it takes self discipline to do it. And the Self discipline is doing what is right even when it's hard. Punishment is a response and most times a reaction to wrongdoing. And imagine if your kids did the wrong thing and you remained disciplined as a disciple. Which discipline is about teaching? It's about teaching. So what values do you want to teach in your discipline? That's what it's about. You can only be disciplined if you have values. And you have to know what those values are in order to parent from them, in order to self govern from a place of value rather than reactivity. Punishment, pain, administering pain. Right. So let's also talk about though, in this idea of discipline and, and choosing like raising child to raising children who reflect Christ. So discipline through discipleship, it's going to also build identity. Discipline builds identity. Holding ourselves and our children to do the right thing even when it's hard builds their self esteem, it builds their identity now. And nowhere in here does it say it must be immediate. As in like I say it and you, when I say jump, you say how high? If I say, gosh, I'm just, I'm honestly just thinking about employment. Like I'm just thinking about the. Can I write it in? Gonna write it in for a second because I committed myself to discipline during this podcast episode, so I'm gonna reign it in. I'm thinking about employment and honestly just this idea of preparing our kids for the world. Because most times if there's going to be a negative comment or something hurtful being said, judgmental, critical, whatever you want to call it, on my content when I'm using yes language, it comes back to, well, that's just not the real world. People are going to say no to my kids. People are going to expect my kids to respond faster. They're not going to give them 90 seconds to feel their emotions. That's like, you know, my, when my child's having a hard time, nobody's going to be like, it's okay that you are having a hard time. I'm here for you. I get it. I've got you. No one's going to do that for them. I've got to prepare them for the real world. Okay, so first I would like to take it back to what the Bible says to be true. That we are in the world. We are not of the world. Let that. Let that. What are we of? We are of a higher being. We are of Jesus Christ, of God, of. Of heaven. We are literally here in our short lives to reflect Jesus Christ, to help as many people as possible come to know who God is who Jesus is, what the purpose there is so that they can spend the rest of eternity. You've got less than a hundred years probably to make an impact here before you go spend eternity a hundred years out of your eternity with Jesus in heaven. And this, I mean, there's, there's pretty big stakes on happening here. There's a lot at risk here if we neglect to do that. Because then what's the alternative? Well, it's an eternity in hell, it's an eternity in with Satan, and it's an eternity of misery and suffering and pain. And that is very clear in scripture. So what we're actually here to do, are we here to conform our children to be of the world? Right. This is what the world's gonna do. So I've got to prepare my kids for what the world's gonna do. I've, I've got to teach my kids that, you know, no one, no one's gonna talk all nice to you. So you've got to be ready for people to talk mean to you. This is where I'm just so grateful for scripture. I am, I'm so grateful for its guidance. I'm so grateful for the clarity that provides and also the openness for us to be able to interpret in several different ways and circumstances that we experience. And we are in the world, we are not of the world. So when the world is going to tell my kids no and the world is going to expect them to move faster and do more and be more productive, more efficient, personally, I would love to raise entrepreneurs. We, we are an entrepreneur styled family. My husband and I both work from home. I started a business from scratch. That's what I'm doing here today. And it has been successful over the last eight years. So for eight years I've been an entrepreneur and that is personally what I want for my kids. I want them to have the freedom, the independence, the self esteem, the, the discipline, the creativity. I want them to be thought leaders. I want them to think differently than the world. Right. I want them to be the ones that are inspiring others to think higher and think bigger and think better than the world. So that, that's a value of mine, which I'm again very clear on my values. I am parenting from a place of how I want my children to treat other people. So if I know a friend or I don't know, in some settings, maybe a classmate, I understand my kids are homeschooled. I feel extremely grateful and blessed to have this opportunity with my kids. It's been A part of my vision since before I became a mother. I wanted. My husband and I shared this vision that we both wanted to be stay at home parents and homeschool our children and just have this really strong family unity, sharing these experiences together. And we wanted that and we knew that over 10 years ago. And our oldest son is 7 years old. So from the beginning, that is exactly what we did. We made a lot of sacrifices in order to accomplish that, and we were very disciplined in order to see this through. We saved our money and in ways we challenged ourselves. We continue to show up in our endeavors and push ourselves out of our comfort zone. You guys have little idea how many times I've wanted to call it quits on pursuing business for myself. And it would just be easier if we trade it all in. And we. And I just, you know, we. I've def. I've wrestled with that. I. I have. And the vision is just so clear, though. It's so clear so personally, because I know the values in which I'm parenting from, and I believe very strongly that when scripture told me I am in the world, not of the world, I took that to heart. I took that to mean something. And I'm teaching that to my kids, too. So when the world mistreats them, I still expect my kids to be of Jesus Christ. I still expect them to be of a heavenly presence where we are supposed to be mistreated so that we may teach others another way. That's what I believe. So, yes, other people are going to tell my kids no. And yes, other people are going to rush them along and hurry them along and try to conform them into what everybody else is striving for and, like, try to create this idea that money is everything and money is what we're really striving for. Like, no, that it's very different for our family. And in that, though, I. I am parenting and raising my kids from a sense of how do I want them to treat other people? How do I want them to communicate with the person that's telling them no? What do I want my children to believe to be true when someone rejects them, denies them, says, you can't do that? I mean, tons of people have doubted my ability to create a business. Tons of people have doubted my ability to stay home with my four children, to run and succeed in business and be a mother of four and have the marriage that I want to have? Tons. I mean, there's been tons of criticism and doubt. And I believe in my ability. I believe in my ability. So I'M also using discipline to structure my children's mindset about life. What we're here to do, what's possible for us. Yes. That person mistreated you, and how did you treat them? Was it right for you to say that about them? Why are you gossiping? Why are you speaking negatively about someone that's so clearly hurting? Hurt people. Hurt people, kid. You know that. And do you really think you coming in here and saying mean things about somebody is going to help them be better and do better and see better? You must be the example for them. Yes. They did the wrong thing. Did you do the right thing? And that's the way I see it. If my kids are with a friend and they can see that their friend feels dysregulated. I mean, we're smart, we're energetic, we are emotional, we are spiritual beings, and you can feel something's off, who are you going to choose to be for that person? The get it together. It's not a big deal. I can't believe you're, like, making this into something right now. Or are you going to be the 92nd friend that says, hey, let's just feel this right now. Let's take a breath. This is what my mom did with me, so we can. We can try it together. My mom taught me about burpees to get anger out. You want to do some burpees together? I know this feels like really upsetting, and you were wronged in this. And, dude, I know you. I know your character. I know your integrity. We can approach this so much better than what our initial ideas are. So let's do some burpees together, man. Come on. Give me a stinger on their. On their basketball teams. Like, yeah, he did push you over. He. He totally did that. You know, why don't you lay it here on my hand, Give me a stinger, and let's be better together. Like, I just feel so emotional saying that, and I know it's right. I was telling my husband last night that it is hard to face so much criticism over something that you just know in your heart to be true. It is true in your gut, it's true in your heart, it's true in your sou. It confirms it in scripture. There's confirmation of it every single day in your life, in your marriage and your parenting and how beautiful. I live such a good life. I know that. I have such a good life. I am so happy. I'm so happy. And sometimes I do want to cut off all of the things that tamper and taint my happiness. Like social media, right? Like, I'll just, I'll just stop sewing up on social media. Like, is this all really worth it? Trying to share this message, trying to do this work? Is it, is it really worth it if it's going to take away from, from my, my happiness that I'm experiencing? And the answer is yes, yes, it's worth it. It's worth it because I know the amount of people that message me saying like, hey, can you help me like, know where to start with the Bible? I just feel so, like, I just want to know who God is. I really want to, I want to have a relationship with God. And how many people have thanked me for the way that I've helped them communicate better in their homes with their children. The better example that they're setting, the increase in their self esteem, esteem. They're holding themselves to a higher standard. It just feels so good. And they forgive their parents so much because now they have so many just different perspectives about things. And they are, I mean their parents are saying, wow. And like I never even knew that was an option. Like I, I mean that just wasn't what we did. And the way I see this work, bringing families together and taking women to places where they enjoy being, I think it's well worth it. So again, it comes down to discipline, where I understand it's going to be painful and it's the right thing to do. So I am disciplined enough to do it. And again, like I'm raising my kids to be in the world, not of the world. So even if other people are going to do these things, I will raise my children to have a voice for themselves. Like, yes, I will help you with that. I'm just going to take a minute to breathe and then I'll be ready to go do that with you. I mean, I just imagine the men my children will be for their wives and their children, the example, the emotional talent, intelligence that they're going to have, the, the self discipline to work with their wife, to teach their wife tools that maybe she lacked. I mean, I know I lacked all these tools starting my marriage. God bless my husband. Just what I knew how to do was very destructive. And I'm grateful that I've been able to learn another approach. So, yes, yes, I mean, we're right. The world is probably going to do something very different than what I did. And because of what I'm doing, my children will do very different things than what the world is doing. And I, that's what I'm Here for that's literally what I'm called to do. So there is a point in scripture that I wanna share here about discipline that builds identity before I get into this next part. And our routines show our children what we value. So what is it in our routine that we do every single day in order to instill these values in our kids? And we shape their moral compass by repeating what matters. We, we repeat this kindness, this mercifulness, this diligence, love, obedience, honesty, not out of fear, but in identity. So instead of fearing our kids until and to being kind or to being obedient or to being faithful, we remove the fear aspect and we just, we lead with the truth. The truth. While sometimes the truth feels hard and sometimes the truth feels challenging, it is so much better than trying to live in falsehoods. So instead building this values based moral compass into our kids identity. And it says in scripture and these words that I command you today shall be on your heart. You shall teach them diligently to your children and shall talk to them of them when you sit in your house and when you walk by the way, and when you lie down and when you rise. So it says in scripture that basically no matter where you go or who you're with, this is what you will say. This is how you will handle yourself. This is how you're going to show up and you will repeat these things diligently to your children. You will teach them diligently to your children. And I just take that as in my kids hardest moments, I am called to disciple them. I am, I'm called to be a disciple. I'm called to discipline them through the ways of repetition, in kindness, diligence, honesty, obedience and love. Yeah, I actually am not called to repeatedly and diligently shame, criticize, correct and scare my children. Not called to do that which an adult chasing you through a car, a store, even if it's your parent, that's pretty scary. I've had parents chase me and I experienced that as a child. And I did not learn in that way. I shut down. I learned that they are not safe people. And now as an adult, 31 years old, I've done a lot of work on myself and I, I know who I want to call when I go through something hard, when I feel afraid of something, when I feel challenged. And it's not the people that raised me, although I do sincerely appreciate them, I sincerely appreciate who they are. I learned very early on to take my concerns, my fears, my worries elsewhere. And that is deeply programmed, deeply programmed. And I'm grateful for my relationship with Jesus Christ because I know I can take my burdens to him. And my relationship with God has completely transformed who I am as a daughter, as a wife, as a mother, because I feel that I really only need him in order to overcome and face anything that I feel afraid of or burdened by. So, you know, the science basis, the science backs that our kids mirror our concepts and our response styles. So if my concept of self is anger and my response style is reactive, our kid, my children will mirror that. And I've seen them do it. I've seen them do it with my tone. They mirror my tone. I've seen them do it with reactivity when I've struggled with those things too in stress responses. And I just, I take it back to ownership and I take it back to this place of like, okay, whatever you're doing, whatever your behavior is, is just feedback. So I'm getting a really clear look at what it is that you know how to do. And I can take responsibility in that because I am your first and best teacher always. And my example is enough to teach you. So where do I need to strengthen and refine my example that I'm setting when I feel angry and I feel similar ways to you that you do, what can I do to be better for you to set the right example of that? And I feel very fortunate that my kids are in my home and with me 24, 7. I mean, I, I do, I do work, obviously. And the time that I'm, that I work, my husband's, with our children. So we have a, a system like that in our, in our family. And I know that my kids get a higher dose of exposure to our example. And that is, that's an, that's a fantastic blessing. It's a fantastic blessing. And they're also exposed to, to diversity. My husband and I take different approaches at times. We have friends over every single day, um, and they have different worldviews, they have different response styles than we do. So there's still a lot of diversity in my home. I want to make that clear. There's my friends, my kids go to friends houses and their friends come to our house. So there's lots of time to be exposed to things. It just feels like my example is always going to be the strongest for them. So another thing that I wanted to bring up here is more of this difference between discipline and punishment. I'm going to go through this one a little bit quickly. I feel like we've hit on it really well throughout this episode basically though when we're focused on punishment we can classify that more strongly under shame based parenting. So we're attacking their character. We're using those ugly and hurtful you are statements with them. And that's, that's what shame is. It's an attack on self. So we're attacking who they are rather than staying focused on what they've, what they're doing and what the right thing to do is. Instead, um, the punishment is also designed to make the child feel bad. So what we're saying, what we're doing is, is emphasizing and invoking feelings of shame, feelings of guilt. Less than unworthiness, unholiness, that is more the punishment style. Punishment also focuses on the past. So we are bringing up a lot of things that they've done. This is how you've been doing this. And you always come over here and break down his legos. You're constantly badgering your brother. So the punishment's really focused on the past and the punishment is also fear driven. It's right. That's a lot of this consequences and threats. If you don't clean your room then you don't get to play with friends. If you hit your brother, then I'm going to hit you. Like fear driven and more of this. I guess that's just the best way to say it. There's punishment for you. Now discipline is different. Discipline again requires us to remain in a self governed mindset. It remind it forces us to remain self disciplined in order to actually discipline in the way that our children need. First we're modeling self discipline. Um, it's also though in our communication with our kids because we do want to address the misbehaviors, we do want to address where they could be making improvements. And when we do this we want to make it identity based. So instead of shame based of tearing them down, it's a dendity based self esteem based to build them up using positive ur statements in the face of negative behavior. I love this. It's positive reinforcement in the face of negative behavior. I have carried that perspective for a couple of years now and it has truly and sincerely helped me so much as I've learned more about speaking life mindset. I'm constantly learning and as my kids get older I feel like I understand better where I can do this better. So identity based build them up positive you are statements even when you see them do something different. I mean something that completely opposes like they just lied to you. Well saying you are an honest boy and I trust you to tell the truth. I am aware that this is what happened, and what you just did was tell a lie. Now, your brain's really creative, and part of your development is to learn how to lie. So I expect that from you. I also want you to understand the value of honesty, and I know that you're truthful. Like, that is how we can speak. And discipline through lying helps a child learn better. So instead of making kids feel bad, we're helping them learn better. Just by that example, I literally just came up with off the top of my head about lying. We are bringing safety to the misbehavior. So it's like, hey, you can trust me to teach you. You can trust me to be on your side. I know who you are as a person even when you make the wrong choice. And I want to guide you back to truth and diligence and discipline, because that is where we live a good life. Um, so, yes, it does help the children learn better. And instead of focusing on the past, we're training for the future. We have a vision, focused parenting, where I know, like, we're training for the future, as in, hey, I'm teaching you how to do this. So that way, when you're out with a friend and they're feeling like this, you can be this person for them. You can do this thing for them. Training for the future. How do I want you to engage with your brothers when they're having a hard time? Rather than matching their emotional state and setting the wrong example, I know that you are perfectly capable and the best person to do this for your brothers during this time. So training for the future, um, and instead of fear driven, it is love led. I love you as a person, and I'm here with you as you experiment and push through all of these things in life. Life has challenges and it has difficulty, and it can feel really hard at times. And I always want you to know who you are when you're facing those hard things. And I love you. I'm so love led. And inside of Ephesians 6, verse 4, in the New Living Translation, it says, fathers, do not promote. Do not provoke your children to anger by the way you treat them. Rather, bring them up with the discipline and instruction that comes from the Lord. So this is like a perfect way for us to capture the discipline and instruction, which means teaching, training, and instruction that comes from the Lord. You must be the best disciple of Jesus Christ that you can be in order to discipline your children. And to be a disciple of Jesus Christ, you have to know who he is and what he's done so that you can ask, genuinely ask yourself, what would Jesus do with my child right now? I promise you Jesus would not climb through the crow, climb through the car and pull your child out by the ankle. I promise you Jesus would never shame your child or use negative you are statements to describe who they are. I promise you that child would. That Jesus would hold your children accountable, that he would instruct them, that he would teach them right from wrong. He would tell them, you know how he would do it too is through story. You tell him a story, he would tell him a story. So next we are talking about parenting with values. Again, I've talked a lot about this. So rather than reacting to the behavior that we're seeing, we're responding to it with values. Kids will fail. Discipline says, I will help you try again. Kids will make the wrong choices. Discipline says, hey, let's understand why you made this choice. That we can better prepare to make the the right choice next time. That is discipline. So we're focused on teaching integrity, patience, problem solving, teamwork, not just eliminating unwanted behavior that creates behavior voids. And honestly, this itch in our kids to ga regain autonomy to make their own choices. And when we're disciplining, we have awesome opportunity to let our kids make the right choice. Just like with my son, allowing him the opportunity, the autonomy to make the right choice all on his own builds his self esteem. Why do you think he came out of the car so happy? That's why. Um, so instead of stop fighting, we could say something like, in our family, we speak with respect and solve problems with calm voices. Who's going to be the problem solver first? Who has, who has an idea of how this problem can be solved? Let's raise our hand, take turns and come to a conclusion, a resolution. I really love to think of my home as a sacred test site. This is where we test and we practice social skills. And it's all very sacred in our development. I mean guys, our kids are only little one time and for an extremely short period of time. It is sacred. It is meant to be cherished and treasured and this is the only time that we get to do it. And I think it's worth reminding ourselves of that. Even if people are like, stop reminding me that my kids are only little one time. It's like, you know, I think removing the reminder is the wrong idea. So anyway, using positive consequences backs this up with parenting with value, reinforcing self regulation. And I mean yesterday my 3 year old hit my 5 year old and they were getting ready for bed. My 3 year old felt so tired and I was coming back into the room and I gave my 5 year old a big hug after he got hit because I was just so proud of him. I was so proud of him for keeping his hands to himself even after his brother hit him. Because he's more of my son that will. He's like my, I like to call him my patroller. He cares about justice. He cares about justice being served justly and he, you know, is kind of on a eye for an eye kick right now. So I'm starting, I'm trying to teach him that that just makes the whole world blind. So like we've been learning about the way Jesus forgives and reading scripture to better understand this. Like when Joseph sold his. Or, excuse me, when his brother sold him as a slave and Joseph still forgave them. Like that is really. We read that story several times a week. So anyway, I, I did, I gave him a big hug and I told him how proud I was of him for keeping his hands to himself. And he goes, I took a deep breath and it didn't work. He still hit me. I was holding him and I just, I was smiling and I'm rubbing his back and I'm like, sweetheart, the deep breath did work. You kept your hands to yourself. The point of the deep breath and is so you make the right choice. Now we know since deep breaths work so well for you, we can teach them to Drew too. He now mommy just needs to teach Drew be to take the deep breath. Because if you're both taking deep breaths, then who's going to get hit? Who's going to get hit? So it was such a, such a sweet, such a sweet moment. Okay, last part though. Building a disciplined home. This is what I want to leave you with today. Again, we did mention this earlier in the episode when I was a bit more in my passion and speaking from there. But I just want to encourage all of us that the home reflects the habits of its leaders. So you and your spouse are the leaders of the home. And the home is going to reflect that. We as parents create the normal for our children. So is it normal to see us exercising? Is it normal to cook meals together? Is it normal to read scripture? Is it normal to pray first? Is it normal to help the younger siblings get ready for bed instead of mom and dad doing everything? Like what? Is it normal to have chores? Is it normal to help out? Like what is the normal? And it requires a lot of discipline to create a normal because it requires so much consistency and repetition. And I want to leave you with some ideas of how we can remain disciplined in our home. So daily devotionals or gratitude practices as a family helps build discipline. Sunday prep and planning. So discussing the family schedule together a week that week, Sunday leading into the week and planning your meals in advance, knowing the chores and responsibilities of each member of the family leading into the week is a great way to build discipline. Family boundary meetings where everyone can feel like they are a meaningful contributor and valuable member of the family that is responsible for making the right choices even when it feels hard. So discussing and establishing those boundaries together is going to strengthen the discipline of adhering to it when it feels hard to do it. Digital boundaries is another really great one we could be focusing on in our homes. And that does start with us as parents. What's the example that we're setting on our phones? I know I want to hold myself to a better standard when it comes to my phone use. It's easy to slip into it out of entertainment convenience and also work like oh, I'm working on my phone. And honestly just comes down to us having better, better boundaries with ourselves. So that could be something as simple as no phones during this time to this time. So maybe from 8 to 9am you and your whole family agree this is our screen free hour. You can also decide that maybe it's just no phones at the dinner table, no phones at bedtime, all the phones go on the counter when it's time for bed. So there's just no phones in the bedrooms. Lots of amazing ways to do this and the way you lead and the example you set makes all the difference. So make sure that you're following through with it too. Um, and another way that I believe is excellent for our kids to see us do and I was just talking with my son about this yesterday with repentance. And that's to model repentance. Let them hear you apologize and self correct. Um, it's, it's a really powerful practice and it doesn't just have to be about what we said or did towards them. We can be better at repenting for what we were thinking about somebody else and maybe we were gossiping about somebody and we can get into repentance about that. If we are feeling envious of other people, we can be in repentance about that. Just constantly setting that example. Repent for the way that you were talking about yourself and to your body when you put on those clothing and your kids heard you do that, like, model the repentance of just anytime you're making the wrong choice. And it. It really does build new neuropathways in your mind to hold yourself to higher standards when you know there is a consequence. For me to do this, if I'm going to sit here and belittle myself, I will be responsible to repent for that. And would I, like, do I want to go through that whole process, or should I just choose to make the right choice the first time? Um. First Corinthians 9, verse 27 in the New living translation says, I discipline my body like an athlete, training to do what it should. So let your life be the truth. Training ground where your kids watch discipline in action. And I think that's what makes parenting so special, is our kids only know what we show them, and they only know us to be who we've been for them rather than all the past stuff. They really are so present with us, so, so focused with us. And I've always appreciated the clean slate and fresh start that motherhood has felt like for me. And I feel like I've truly become a completely different person through it. And it has required me to let go of a lot of old ways, old understandings, old behaviors that I was adhering to and using, because I. I just really loved this idea at a True Second Chance. And I really believe that motherhood is the only time in our lives that we. That we have this. Because you are meeting a baby for the first time, and all this baby knows about you is what you show them. And I think that is one of the most powerful things that we ever experienced in life, and I'm very, very grateful for it. So, you know, you. You're not just parents. You are disciple makers. So you are leading your children to be disciples of Jesus Christ, and you do that through your own example behaviors and leadership. And this is honestly the longest podcast episode that I've ever done. And clearly I feel extremely convicted and passionate about this talk topic. So I believe we will have more conversations about this leading, you know, in. In the weeks and months to come. And I just want to give a little reminder, too, that I'm constantly working on myself as a mother, as a wife, and as a woman and a disciple of Jesus Christ. I'm constantly working on myself too. So, again, just like I started this episode with, I want to end it with this. I feel strong personal conviction for all these things, and this is what I'm doing in my life because I know it to be true, and I have experienced so much, so much confirmation of that in my motherhood, in my marriage. I mean, yes, I. I could. I could. I could share a lot on that. So I. I love to challenge myself. I love to hold myself to a higher standard and keep that account. That sense of accountability, which I know is really hard, and allowing yourself to become someone different than you were before, before anyone else really sees it or believes in it, I know, can feel really challenging. And I've experienced that tremendously over the past 11 years, more so in the past seven years of motherhood. So I am doing it right alongside you. I'm working on improving my own behaviors. I still have reactive moments. I have times that I snap and times that I say something I don't mean to my husband or I get on my high horse. And I'm talking about what's going on social media. You know, I. I have a lot of. A lot of places to improve, and that's. That's what we're here to do. We're here to prepare ourselves for heaven's gates. So I believe that's why we experience these trials. That's why these behaviors come up, so that we can overcome them, discipline ourselves, refine ourselves. So that way, when we reach our judgment day, we'll really love what the Lord has to say to us, rather than just staying in all the negative and unfortunate things. So I appreciate you guys. This was a good one. My heart is feeling really settled, so I will see you guys real soon.