151. The Damage and Deceit of "Delayed Obedience is Disobedience."

Today on the show, we're going to be diving into the sneaky little phrase, delayed obedience is disobedience and take some time to reflect on what it's doing in our mindset and causing in our daily life, especially in parenting children, even in our marriage. What is it doing? So, welcome back, friends. I'm your host, Tessa Romero. This is the momset podcast, where we like to raise our words and write our mind and show up as the moms that we want to be, no matter the circumstances, who we're with or where we're at. So now that we're all caught up, this, this little line, here's what happened. I told you guys about this reel. I'll share it here again. Turns out it was the catalyst of all these deep discussions I've been having, so I'm super grateful for it. Anyway, I posted this reel on social media that was about me showing up to a store. I had my one year old on my hip getting out of the car, and I told my 3 year old, it's time to get out of the car. We're going into the store. And he said, no. And I said, are you ready to go into the store with me? And he said, no. And I said, okay, Jake and I will wait right here for you to come out when you're ready. And I waited, and I was recording myself because I make yes language content, trying to help other people see where they can be replacing no and speaking more positively in everyday life. It's such a practical approach that produces incredible outcomes. So I love to teach it because I literally live by it. So I'm like, guys, I think we're onto something here. I'm going to share it. Anyway, I wait for my son, and as I'm recording, I notice at the end of the video, because he had come out all by himself with a happy heart and a great attitude, shuts the door, says he did it all by himself. And it took 90 seconds. This is such an important point. It took 90 seconds for my son to obey with a great attitude, mind you. And there were a tremendous amount of comments that said, this is wrong. This is the wrong approach to take. You should not wait on your child. Oh, wow. You just let your child decide what you guys are going to do. You're letting him dictate adult decisions. I can't believe you and, you know, attack my parenting. Whatever. And then this common little phrase kept coming up, delayed obedience is disobedience. Delayed obedience is disobedience. Delayed obedience is disobedience. And obviously I took notice of it because it was said so many times and I was trying so hard to engage in a little conversation with each of the people that said delayed obedience is disobedience. Because to me, it just blew my mind that people were considering 90 seconds to be this delay in obedience from a three year old. Three years old. It's, it's delayed obedience, which is disobedience. And that has turned into a whole line of other discussions that we've been having about spanking. So now I'm learning, guys. I, I feel like I learn every single week. The area, another area that I, that my, that I just lack information. I lack perspective. I feel so ignorant and naive and just to think like, oh, everyone sees it this way. It's so obvious to me. Everyone sees it this way and it's like, no, no, there are, there are people that think it is more appropriate to climb through your suv, grab your toddler by the ankle and pull a screaming child out of the car and, and pop them in that cart and let them feel upset about it because that is obedient. I just feel so passionate about this because I, I'm just gonna lay it out for you why I feel so passionate about it. I remember the way I was treated as a child and in the last eight years now of coaching women that have been abused as children, violently molested as children and spanked as children, and even working with moms that want to take a more kind hearted and trustworthy approach in their parenting rather than this like constant fight for control over their kids. And I work with all these moms. I just feel so convicted on this topic and what we're talking about in terms of obedience that we must, we must shift our perspective. I've been telling my husband, I truly believe that in this day and age we do not have the luxury to open that floodgate of, of telling parents when it's okay to hit a two year old. I just, I just do not think that we have the luxury to do that. I don't, I don't. I, I just don't. So I'm going to be more straightforward and open about my perspective in all this, my approach in all this, why I see it this way and share some scripture, since this whole delayed obedience is disobedience is going so much to this scripture argument. And you know, I think it's, it's worthwhile to talk about both sides since delayed obedience is disobedience is so widely spread and talked about. Let's just Bring in a counter argument to that. Shall we? Shall we? We shall. Let's get started. So I get all these comments right and I'm trying to ask people like, okay, so the science, this is also a really fascinating fact of biology and the way our bodies work and the psychology of children and adults. It takes 90 seconds, it has been studied. It takes 90 seconds to experience the chemical reaction that takes place for you to experience an emotion before it dissipates on its own. So imagine a firework going off in the sky and then it dissipates. That's like an emotional reaction in your body and it only takes 90 seconds for it to happen. And that was the point of that reel, that sometimes when our kids seem so defiant and protesting what we're doing and disobedient and blah, blah, blah, whatever it is, maybe, maybe if we just gave them 90 seconds to feel this emotion, they would come out of it all on their own. And you could just take that 90 seconds as a parent to take a little breather, to have a little break. All those breathers and breaks that you claim you never get. Well maybe you don't get them because you don't take them. Maybe the opportunity is constantly in front of you to take them and we just don't take them because we feel so afraid. We're parenting out of fear. We are striving for control over another human being which is always going to fail because they're their own people. And we live in this fear of what other I mean people pleasing perfectionism, like just our worth, our value based on our kids behavior. And it just is wrong. It's wrong. It's creating the wrong mentalities in our parenting. Really immature and reactive behaviors from parents. And I think the irony, the biggest amount of irony in all this is that children are meant to be more obedient than adults. We are holding our kids to a level of obedience that adults do not meet. They just don't meet it. And yet if a 3 year old takes 90 seconds to just feel that little bit of defiant feeling or reluctant feeling to go into the store and then comes out of the car with a happy heart, a joyful attitude, shuts the door all by himself and comes along into the store with me, that is considered a loss. That's a fail. We've failed. What is much better is climbing through our suv, getting back to that third row with a baby on your hip, mind you, and pulling your toddler out screaming, crying, doesn't matter, they feel upset in the cart. Wow, you Know, I think it makes a lot of sense why some of us are feeling so stressed and so anxious with that mentality. So anyway, we kept seeing the, the common theme of delayed obedience is disobedience. And they kept taking it back to the Bible. They said, the Lord commands us to obey and delayed obedience is disobedience. And then, you know, I searched the Bible, I searched the, the stories in the Bible that I'm most familiar with. I went back through those, I checked in Proverbs, I checked in Psalm, I even googled it. I let, I let ChatGPT help me out a little bit. And I read through my scripture and I researched where in the Bible does it say delayed obedience is disobedience? And fantastically and fascinating enough, it doesn't say that it in Scripture. It does not say in the Bible delayed obedience is disobedience. People came up with that. People with perfectionist tendencies, people with fear of failure, people with, I mean, control, striving for control issues, negative mindsets, fearful reactions, came up with this line to feed parents and to honestly feed people in everyday life. Delayed obedience is disobedience. And honestly, I just think it counters, it counters some of the most beautiful, inspiring and wholehearted stories in the Bible and words of wisdom in the Bible. I just, I think it completely counters this genuine question. To ask yourself if you want to live a faithful life and feel like you're living in alignment with the Bible and do what you believe God wants of you, just ask yourself, what would Jesus do? That is a solid question every time I use it every single day and it helps me tremendously. And if you just asked yourself that question, when, when would Jesus rush someone along to make the choice that they believe is best? That he believes is best? When? When would he rush someone into that decision? When would he forcefully grab the ankle of a toddler and drag him through an suv? Truly, I just really cannot imagine Jesus grabbing My son, my 3 year old, and dragging him through the car. I could see Jesus working on my heart outside of the car saying, he's watching you. He's watching you. And your calm authority right now is setting the tone for him. Your entire presence of safety is calling him to you. Trust that. Trust that your presence is enough. That's what I imagine Jesus doing, like making it, making the right choice, the one he wants to make, even when it's hard. I could see Jesus doing that with my children too. Teaching them a value, helping them see a different angle of things. Not any of the urgency, rush, harshness, Rashness, reactivity that we see so much of today. So I just, I want us to have an open mind and explore some places in Scripture where it would blow up the idea that delayed obedience is disobedience and even counter it with immediate action is disobedient. It can absolutely lead to disobedience when you just have this idea of obey authority, obey authority. And that's the way I see it. If I am instilling this idea in my kids. You must obey authority. You must obey authority. If not, you get a spank in. If not, you get a timeout. You must immediately obey whoever the authority is in the room. Personally, I've been abused as a child. I've worked with women that are abused as children. I have communicated with teens that have been abused as children. I've seen children that have been abused and the psychological effects it has on them. And, and I'm telling you right now, it's a pretty bad idea to just tell our kids, you must respect every authority because there's someone that looks like an adult they should be respecting, because adults are authority. And that adult wants ill will on your child. And it would be far better to teach your child about those emotions that they have about their stress response that's happening in their nervous system and that their whole body is programmed for safety. So if something feels wrong, it might be, and it can be extremely obedient to exercise discernment, to ask questions to ensure safety. That can be extremely obedient. To pray before you choose what to do, would it create a delay in your action? If you are practicing discernment, asking questions and praying, because before you take action? Yes, it would cause a delay. Is it still obedient, though? Yes. I would personally rather see my kids pray about something, asking questions, seeking understanding, exercising discernment, than just immediately take action whenever they're told to do something. Little soldier, robot children like, I just. I think the world could use some. The world could use some pausing, some discernment, some prayer, and some questions. It could. It could really use that. So one of my favorite examples in the Bible, looks like I've got five, five here that I really want to go to. One of my favorite examples in the Bible of where I see a delay in obedience or a delay in action or would have changed the entire history of the world. It's. It's Adam and Eve in the Garden of Eden. Think about this, friends. Eve. God clearly commanded Adam to not eat the fruit in the middle of the garden. He said, you can have any of the fruit in the garden, just do not eat from the, from the tree of Knowledge. And he. He clearly commands this to Adam. And Adam transfers this information over to Eve. Now, the serpent, who is Satan, the serpent, which is a snake, comes into the garden and talks to Eve and say, did God really say, you can't eat from this tree and. Or did God really say you can't eat the fruit in the garden? She said, no. God said, we could have any of the fruit in the garden, just not the tree in the middle, not even to touch it, lest you die. That's what she told the serpent. So she knew not to eat it. She knew what God had said, even if it came from Adam. And the serpent still deceived her. In my idea, from what it provides in scripture, she acted immediately on Satan's will, on Satan's idea, on Satan's plan. She obeyed that immediately. So technically, she had immediate obedience to Satan, to Satan. And would that decision have been the same for her? This is my question. Would she have chosen to do the same thing if she were to have first sought God and said, I'm feeling confused. I have this idea that it would be a good idea for me to eat the fruit and know the difference between good and evil, to pray about it, to exercise discernment, to create a pause, a pause to do these things before deciding on her action. She didn't do that, though. She was deceived. She literally said, the serpent deceived me. So she was deceived. She ate the fruit and then she passed it along to Adam and Adam ate it too. And then they were kicked out of the garden. And that was obedient, that was disobedient, that was sinful, and that's why they got kicked out of the garden. So I'm just looking at it as. Is that not one of the most incredible examples of where we can be deceived? And I think that's one of the most powerful lessons from Eve in the garden, is that even when you're walking with God in the garden and you've got him by your side and he made this whole environment for you and all of your needs are met and everything is perfect, even then, you can be tempted and you can make the wrong choice. And maybe just as humans, we are easily deceived. If that's the lesson we can take away from this, wouldn't that just want to strike some pause, some delay between our thoughts and our actions? Like, I'm thinking to do this, and I'm going to take it to prayer first. I'm going to exercise discernment. I'm going to regulate before I decide on what to do next. To me, that's one of the best lessons. And out of Adam and Eve and the I, I really think there's such a powerful way for us to see when our children are disobeying, being disobedient, whatever it is, and utilizing that time in disobedience to teach them what to do when they're, when they're in that area of delay. Because right now, aren't our kids only learning to argue with us, to protest, to just say no? Why not equip them? Why not equip them with. You can always ask me a question. I teach my kids, complaining makes the problem bigger. Asking questions makes the problem smaller. My 3 year old, my 3 year old knows this. He starts complaining. I say, what does complaining do? He says, makes the problem bigger. I say, how do we make the problem smaller? He says, asking questions. I say, that's right. So what's the best question you could ask right now? Mom, could you carry me? Yes, I would love to carry you. Mom, could you get that for me? Yes, I would love to get that for you. In teaching them how to ask questions, I'm saying it's okay if you feel frustrated, if you feel overwhelmed, if you feel overstimulated. I mean, God designed your emotions, why should I fear them? God designed your whole body, why should I fear what it's doing? It's by design. And if he designed your emotions to happen for 90 seconds, maybe, maybe for myself and my kids, I am meant in those 90 second periods to be discerning. What do I want to do next? What's the next best thing for me to do? What's the right thing for me to do? Wow, I'm feeling really triggered right now. I'm feeling really aggressive right now. I'm feeling irritated right now. I'm feeling deceived right now. I'm feeling confused right now. I'm feeling angry right now. Here's the emotion. I know it lasts for 90 seconds, so maybe every day, several times a day. God's asking me to pause. He's asking me to pause. He's asking me to surrender, to let him carry the load, the burden, right? Asking me to pray over what the next best thing is for me to do. Ask. Asking me to ask better questions. What would Jesus do right now? Like, I, I really think every single day while we're experiencing emotions, especially the difficult ones, we are being called by Our Heavenly Father to practice. Practice a pause. Just sit peacefully with that emotion, and we're being invited and given permission to pause and focus. Focus on who we are. Focus on what we want this to look like. So I just love the example of Adam and Eve. My next example, though, is also very powerful. It's Jesus in. In the garden where he went to pray before he was captured for his crucifixion. And I'm trying to say this right. Jesus in Gethsemane gets the main. Yeah, maybe I should have said at the beginning. I'm not a Bible expert, okay? I didn't study theology in college. I only just started reading my Bible three years ago. And I. And I didn't grow up in a church, so I don't have any loyalty to a specific religion or ideology or indoctrination. I'm just looking at the Bible, reading it with fresh eyes. Fresh eyes, guys. And a whole lot of vigor when I do it, because my life is insanely better since I've started reading the Bible. Insanely better. I mean, I've been able to forgive people. I have so much more patience with my kids. I just feel like I love this standard of. The standard of excellence that Jesus set for us to strive for, and that I am forgiven in my faults and shortcomings. It's just like, I wake up every day and I'm like, hey, strive for excellence. And if there's a moment where, you know, botched that one. Got it. Here's what I learned. Moving on. Like, I don't spend time spiraling in shame because I know Jesus died on the cross for me. He died on the cross for you. So why would I send myself down this shame spiral? I'm just gonna get up, dust myself off, and try again. Like the. The bird. The. What's that saying? The battle's already been won. I. I just love that. So anyway, Jesus and Gethsemane, I think, you know, have grace, guys. Have grace. So here, though, it's in Matthew 26:39, and this is the New Living Translation. I kind of go back and forth between English Standard Version and New Living Translation. Um, I am reading an English Standard Version Bible now, though, but I appreciate both. So, anyway, it says he went on a little further. So he. Let me give you some context here. Jesus gets to the garden, and he's with a few of his disciples. He asked the disciples to wait awake and pray for him. And he was going to go pray, so he moved a little bit away from his disciples, took some space which he frequently did from them. I could only imagine why, because people probably felt very frustrating to him. He needed to surrender to God frequently. Um, okay, so anyway, he. He leaves his disciples there, asks them to pray, stay awake and pray while I go over here and I'm going to pray. And, and that's where it's saying. He went on a little further from his disciples and bowed with his face to the ground, praying, my Father, if it is possible, let this cup of suffering be taken away from me, yet I want your will to be done, not mine. So in this moment, Jesus knows what must happen. He knows what he's being called to do. He knows the plan, and he's been obedient to the entire plan. And he still knew that our Heavenly Father wants to hear us, wants to know us, and wants us to know Him. So he's. He's. To me, he's telling me in this passage that when I feel afraid or reluctant or sorrowful of what is coming, what must happen, it's actually okay for me to ask if this cup can be taken from me. And in this passage, I also, I also love this idea of, like, removing the cup. If it's possible, let this cup of suffering be taken away from me. Jesus isn't saying, I, I don't want to die for you. This last sin. Jesus died for all of our sins. So he experienced them without choosing them. So without ever sinning himself, he died for our sins. He took the punishment for, for us and died for us. And Jesus isn't saying, like, I don't want to do this. He's saying like, this last sin of being separated from my Father in heaven, that I don't want to face, that I don't want to be separated from you. That. That sounded hard to Jesus. So he prayed about it. And this is where I'm like, is this not a delay? Would this not be considered a delay? Jesus prayed for an hour, an hour in the garden. And in that, though, he was also coming back to yet I want your will to be done, not mine. He was. He was focusing on his heart posture, going into what is called for him to do and staying in alignment with. With God, making sure this is his plan. And, and this whole thing for me is Jesus didn't rush into the cross. He didn't. Like, he knew it was going to be that, but he didn't skip all the other steps to just get there. He obediently went through each step. And when they felt challenging, when they felt difficult for him, he did pause to pray and wrestle so that he could come to a full surrender. A full surrender, which if you just read through his, his posture, his unwavering faith and soft heartedness, like he would have had to fully surrender. He would have had to add the right heart posture. And that happens in the, in the delay. In the delay. The time we take to pray, to act in discernment, to ask questions, to challenge ourselves, to ensure that we're following the right plan. Is this Satan's temptation happening right now? Eve, Eve. Is that God or is that Satan? How helpful would that have been? If someone just asked Eve a question, maybe it would have changed everything. I'm just saying, I'm just saying. When I see my kids wrestling with disobedience, I truly think it is an incredible time to instill life skills for them. What can we do right now to help us come to the next best choice? I love to ask my kids questions rather than telling them what to do all the time. And I look at it as I am shaping their heart posture. I am challenging them to grow, I am building their character because I'm getting them thinking for themselves about what's right over what's easy. And honestly, like there's going to be a time in life where it's just easy to do what someone else tells you to do, especially in authority. I'm not going to go against that. I'm just going to do what they told me to do. Yeah. So I just think it's wrong to create this idea that delayed obedience is disobedience. Well, what about courage? What about when you disobey authority out of courage, out of knowing what is biblically correct about knowing what your rights are, what the government's role is in protecting your rights, what laws are supposed to do for us? Like I, I think there's so much power in instilling this in our kids. And then also Peter in that same garden, slashed off a guard's ear that was trying to take Jesus so he acted immediately. Would you call that obedience or do we call that reactivity? Well, if we're just programming our kids to immediately do whatever they are told to do, when do they learn to exercise self control and self discipline and to do what is hard over what is easy? We've got to do what's right even when it's hard. And Peter, Peter, he literally, scripture says it right here, John 18, verse 10 through 11. Then Simon Peter drew a sword and slashed off the right ear of Malichus and the high priest slave. But Jesus said to Peter, put your sword back into its sheath. Shall I not drink from the cup of suffering the Father has given me? And then he healed, he healed the slave's ear, which was such a Jesus thing to do. Like here, you're gonna capture me and I'm gonna go be crucified on a cross. Let me just heal your ear first. Such a Jesus thing. But Peter, I mean, did Jesus hit Peter with a stick for doing that? Did he throw a rock at Peter? Did he smack him upside the head, say, what are you doing? Did he act violently or reactively to Peter? He asked him a question. He asked him a question, a thought provoking, faith based challenge. Shall I not drink from the cup of suffering the Father has given me? It's just, it's so powerful. Peter acted immediately. It was not obedient, though. He was protecting Jesus seemed right, not following God's will, which is wrong. And I mean, how much harder would it have been for Peter to watch Jesus, I mean, honestly, willingly go with his captors and keep his sword stowed away the whole time? How much harder would that have been? It's the right thing to do though. Right thing to do, following God's will, trusting what Jesus told them on. And okay, let's move in, let's keep going. I have my notes, I have my notes to help keep me on track. Another part in the Bible that backs up our idea here of how this pause is extremely obedient. Taking the time to pause and discern is a very obedient act and you can instill that in your kids. Early on, the parable of two sons Jesus shared of a parable of two sons. It's in Matthew 21, verse 28 through 31. And there's two sons. So a father tells, asks the first son, well, says to the first son, go work in the vineyard today. And the first son says, no, I will not. So he goes to the second son and says, go work in the vineyard today. He said, yes sir, yes sir, I will. The first son that told him no changed his mind and went to the vineyard to work. The second son that told him yes did not go work in the vineyard. Then Jesus asks which son obeyed? The one that said no and then ended up doing the right thing or the son that said yes and didn't do it. Obedience is about doing the right thing, not just saying yes quickly. So even if we say no at first, you know how many times I've told no, I've told God, no, no, I'm not going to talk about that topic. No, I'm not going to open up this discussion. No, I'm not going to create content like that. No, I'm not going to create a course about that. That's way too hard. I'm not going to record a podcast episode right when these ideas strike me and I feel convicted of, like, this is important, do it, guys. There's a huge part of me that doesn't want to do that. It is actually challenging. It is actually challenging to have people mock you, shame you, ridicule you, judge you, criticize you, make up lies about you and post them on social media, take your content out of context just to, just to try and support their view of you. I mean, I'll just be completely honest. That's been challenging. Over years of being on social media, that has been challenging. So I do sometimes know what I'm called to do and say no. And I believe God is extremely patient with me. And I just, I look at it more as, like, God is. He's such a God of positive consequences. Like when I'm willing to go forth and do what he's called me to do. My life gets radically better every single time. I know myself more sincerely as a person. I parent more authentically and in tune and confidently. I have more just deep and incredible discussions with people. My marriage is incredible. My health soars. Everything feels so much easier over my emotions, finances, relationships, my work, like intellectually, my authority over myself in general. Everything feels so much easier when I am following God's will for my life. And I truly believe, believe that he wants what is ultimately best for us and ultimately the greater good. I believe he wants that. And there is like such a line of positive consequences set up for us when we are obedient. So truly, your disobedience, I believe the consequence of your disobedience is just living a life of your, Your own making where things feel hard and you feel alone and you feel anxious and you feel out of control and you feel this constant strife in your marriage and you feel like you have to be the one to figure it all out and you feel afraid all the time. I really believe that is just the natural consequence of following your own will instead of God's will. And I, I believe truly, most times that's enough for God and he's just like, well, I'll let you continue experiencing that until you want what I have to offer. And you are required to do these things in order to get that. I do promise you that though. And I look at the same approach with my kids, like if you're going to delay in obedience, you're going to tell me no, I will let you learn how much harder it is to do it your way than to trust me and what I'm advising of you and the direction I'm giving you and the guidance that I'm pulling you towards. If you got to learn a few times that maybe you need some help, maybe Mom's idea, mom's plan of the way this is going to go, like if that's what it's going to take for us to have this, this incredible trust with one another where we do work more in harmony, if that's what it's going to take, I'm on, I'm, I'm game. I'm on board with that. And that's the approach I take. Guys. It is, it really is. Another, another example that I love in the Bible is Martha versus Mary. And you guys know I'm a big fan of Martha and Mary. Martha and Mary. I think Martha is one of our greatest examples in the Bible. She's such like a full circle woman, being able to model transformation, a softening of heart, like an entirely different perspective on life and how that can shift and transform our emotions and behavior. She was so stinking resentful the first time she met Jesus, yet she opens his home to him. She does all the right things. She's busy rushing around to serve. Doesn't that look obedient? Yet Mary goes to Jesus's feet and takes the message in the living room. And Martha got all mad about it. She was resentful about it. Lord, tell her to help me. This isn't fair. And Jesus said, martha, Mary has found what matters most and it will not be taken from her. And that's truth. That's true. So Martha again thinks she's being obedient. She thinks she's doing what the will is, what God's will is. And truly Mary in that, in that specific scenario, Luke 10, verse 38 through 42, Mary had the 1, had it figured out at that time. Now we go on to read in John 11 and John 12 about Martha's true maturity and growth spiritually, faithfully and in her obedience to the Lord. It was, I mean, completely incredible. I, I just highly recommend you look more into Martha. I think she's just amazing. So I just want us to be thinking about how this idea though, this little one liner. And guys, I've heard it, I've heard it said by mom, friends, churchgoers, preachers. I've Seen these videos, sermons being given, and you know, I lack the, the proper terminology to be able to say that appropriately. I've seen it just all over being said. Delayed obedience is disobedience. And you know, that tracks for the fast paced, urgent, rushing society that we have made for ourselves. It tracks with that. It is completely counter Jesus though. Everything Jesus did was on his way. Everything was on his way. Nothing was inconvenient. He experienced no rush, no rush to get to the cross, no rush to leave one, one place to get to the other, no rush to make sure the meals were planned out. He's like, yeah, we're just gonna take a few fishes and loaves and feed 5,000 people right here on the hill. What? We gotta think like Jesus, okay? We really are tremendously blessed when we can see it more through a heavenly view rather than a worldly view. And I just think delayed obedience is. Disobedience is such a worldly view. It's not in the Bible. There's no scripture that says thou must obey his mother and father within a 30 second window. And all these little rules that we put of, you know, when to start spanking a child. I mean, people are telling me that you need to start spanking a child at six months old, six months old, and stop by the age of nine. And I, I really, I'm trying so hard to just have an open mind and understand and be compassionate to the views that accumulate in order for us to instill, to have these beliefs. I just think it's wrong to look at one line in Scripture and say, this is it. This is the only way to view it. So I'm trying to look at all the lines of scripture and keep an open mind like I would want others to do. As I share these messages too, like, hey, this is the way I view it. This is the way I'm reading it. And again, I'm not an expert. I've only been reading it for a few years. I just, I trust my fresh view. I trust, I trust my fresh eyes in this. And I think it's okay for us to have a discussion about it and carry different perspectives in it and ultimately question, like, if Jesus were to watch me parent for a day, what would he think? And that's the way I view this. I mean, I remember when I got my first Bible, I was in Nebraska with my sister and she had said that she wants to be a Proverbs 31 wife. And this was three years ago, just recently, three years ago. And I was like, what's a Proverbs 31 wife. She pulls up the Bible app on her phone and reads me Proverbs 31 and all about being this wife. And I was like, my job is on the floor, floor. I was like, where is this golden guidance? This sounds amazing. She's like, it's in the Bible. I was like, I have to get a Bible. Well, then we went out shopping and there was a, there was a store called Altered State and they had Bibles out. And I was like, well, I'm buying a Bible. So I, I bought a Bible for myself and my sister, the new living Translation. And I remember I read Proverbs 31 first. I was like, okay, this is like totally going to give me guidance in life and the kind of like, standard that I want to hold myself to as a wife. And then as I continued reading the Bible, I'm like, wow, this is really fascinating to apply in parenting and in the, like the people that raised me and the stories that I hear about people, like just to slow myself down and carry a compassionate view for all, to get rid of this idea that I have any, I have any right to hold judgment towards others. Like, I understand that. I talk passionately about things. I do sincerely love people though. I love people. I get fired up about misguidance. I get fired up when people are being harmed because of the views we carry. I get fired up about that. And I think that passion is a really good thing in life. So anyway, I get my Bible while visiting my sister in Nebraska. And as we're flying home, I remember my youngest son was about six months old. He was my third son. And, and I'm holding him on the airplane and he was having a rough go with things and every time I'd get him to sleep, it was only like a three hour flight. And anytime I got him to sleep, he'd sleep for like maybe 10 minutes and then just wake up arching, crying again. I'm like, man, this kiddo feels so uncomfortable. I try nursing him, bouncing him, trying all these things on the plane. Meanwhile, the flight attendants are telling me to stay in my seat and I'm like, yeah, okay, well, I technically am in my seat. I'm going to try and comfort my son though. So anyway, I really wanted to read my Bible on the plane. I just was so, so entranced by what I was reading and just the, the clear guidance and like the softness and the wisdom on these pages. And I got my son to sleep and I would put my Bible out on the tray table in front of Me, and I'm like, reading my scripture as I'm holding my son to sleep. And then every time he'd wake up, I close the Bible and I'd lift up the chair and I do these air squats onto the plane chair to get him back to sleep. And it went on like this for probably two hours. And I just had this. Because I did that, though, because I was trying to read my Bible while my son was having such a hard time. That was the first time I had this visual of, like, just cut, like having God in front of me, and this is, like a judgment for me. And I'm holding my crying son, and I just felt so emotional envisioning this and imagining that Jesus was at my left side with his hand on my shoulder, like, giving me the strength to. To do this hard thing, to do what was right, even though it felt excruciatingly difficult on this small plane full of people and they're watching and it's loud and like, all those things, it just felt like he was taking this load, this burden off of me. And I do believe that I was able to stay calm and. And just. I. I'm trying to think of the right word. It was just that visual, though. Like, here, God, this is exactly how I treat your son. When he cries, when he screams, when he's in distress, when he experiences discomfort, this is how I treat him. And it's like being confirmed with Jesus's hand on your shoulder, like, you are doing the right thing and this is praiseworthy, and I see you, and I'll help you lighten this load. And it was like, such. Such a game changer for me. And I've kept that visual with me for the last three years and the hardest parenting moments, I literally just imagine, like, I'm doing this in front of the Lord. I'm doing this exact thing in front of the Lord. And I still have, obviously, reactivity and shortcomings that come up, distractions that pull me away. And sometimes I find myself in that. That rush and urgency, and, you know, I can have a shorter fuse. Whatever it is. I have experienced, though, tremendous improvements and myself over the last three years, and I stand by that. I believe that we are forgiven, we are redeemed, and each day is inherently this fresh start of who are you going to be today and how are you going to do it? So I want to sign off with this message of this delay, this idea of delaying a pause, even a pause to pray, instead of just obeying without thinking and modeling discernment. Instead of panic and remembering, Jesus was never rushed and he taught these messages and he wanted people to understand it. And even children, Even children. I mean, there's scripture about those who tempt children to sin and those who harm children, they. They've got some stuff coming to them. So God does not rush. His timing is perfect. And obedience delayed in wisdom and prayer is not disobedience. Obedience, obedience, rushed in fear or confusion, often leads to sin and disobedience. Like, I want us all to consider, like, we think of ourselves as Eve for a moment, even she was deceived. So what am I doing to guard my heart, guard my mind, ensure that when temptation and deception do appear, I am mindful enough to seek clarity once again instead of beating myself up that temptation got here. What can I do to. To ensure that I have a steady plan to overcome it, to see, to see past it, you know, to recognize it when it happens. And whatever your parenting has looked like, if any of this message feels convicting to you, where you're like, I want to look more into this, or, wow, I'd like to slow myself down. Or maybe I can give my kids 90 seconds to feel an emotion before coming along with me. Like, seriously, just pause. Pause for 90 seconds. When your kids tell you no, just pause for 90 seconds and see what happens. I am willing, I'm willing to dare say that your kids will come along with you. They'll obey, they'll come to the right conclusion all on their own, and they will do so with a better attitude and more appreciation than if they were forced, controlled, feared, aggressed into compliance. And I just wanted you to try it today. I just want you to try it. So I am interested in your feedback on this. Where are you at with delayed obedience is disobedience again? I'm just looking at it with fresh eyes. I didn't grow up in a church or hear this messaging early on. I'm just kind of applying it to all that I've learned about the nervous system and psychology and mindset and parenting over the last eight years and now just backing it up in the Bible. That's what I'm trying to do. So, anyway, you guys are doing awesome. I appreciate you. And today's a new day in parenting. Make it what you want. Be who you want to be. No matter where you go or who you're with, you absolutely can.