156. What My Morning Looked Like- Dreams and Joy in the Mess

Welcome back friends. It's Tessa. If you are one of my friends that's feeling just weighed down by your to do list and you're feeling depleted in your energy and this holiday season or whatever season you're in while you're listening to this has just become a bit too much for you and it just seems like one thing after the next is, is adding up. It's all piling up your to do list. The, the mess from one area is just bleeding over into the next. Someone's bad attitude or bad mood is rubbing off on you a little too quickly. If you're, if you're experiencing something like this, this episode's for you. I'm gonna walk you through what my morning looked like today and I'm personally beaming over here right now because I loved it so much. It was totally something that I would copy and paste simply because of the way I felt in it. And you're going to hear about circumstances and things that you're like, how on earth do you feel so radiant, so vibrant, alive and full in when you're cleaning up dog diarrhea? Let's just say that. Or in that moment. How do you do that? Well, I'm going to, going to walk you through what happens for me, what it looks like and what's going through my mind during these times. And I really hope it inspires some new perspectives, some new vision for you of what you want your mornings to look like and ultimately how you would like to commit yourself to thinking and feeling and behaving in this life through any circumstance that you find yourself in. So this morning I my alarm goes off at 4:15 and I already had one of my boys in my room and he comes into my room and sleeps on my floor almost every night. So I sometimes see these videos on social media where they wake up and their advice to help you have a morning routine you can stick with is to immediately turn the lights on. Well, yeah, so, so I usually have at least one child sleeping in my room. There is absolutely zero chance I'm going to turn on the lights like that. So I've had to adapt, I've had to learn how do I have a morning routine in the dark for a lot of this and I've only just discovered in the last, I swear to you, three months that there is a light in my kitchen I can turn on that keeps my kids bedrooms stay still dark in my own bedroom dark. And because my, my home, I mean we, we have a beautiful and wonderful home for our needs and it's all pretty well close together. So if you turn on. If you turn on the living room light, that's like flooding into everyone's bedrooms under the doors. So I literally. I found this kitchen light that gives me just this beautiful lighting to journal and read in. That's finally enough. And I mean, in the past, I was using my flash on my phone or I was trying to use these little lamps. Like I was trying to do just the light from a fireplace. I was trying to do all these things to keep the home dark enough. And to me, that's just real life. That's working with the circumstances that you're in and recognizing that if I want something bad enough, there's always a way for me to do it. So that's kind of the mentality. I take to it. Even if my kids come into my room, climb into my bed, and they want to sleep in here, I can still do this for me. And I refuse to blame them or ever hold them responsible for how I choose to treat myself and how I choose to show up, behave, and treat others. That's entirely on me. While I have for sure fallen into the victim mentality like that over the last eight years, I'll say in this particular area, I've done so much work on it that it's blaringly obvious to me when I'm choosing to sprint to the seat of the victim rather than be empowered on some mornings. So anyway, my alarm goes off at 4:15. It's just my Garmin watch. I sleep with my Garmin watch on. I really appreciate that. It tracks my health stats. And I've had this watch for three years now. And I. I love it. I don't have a sponsorship or. I wish I had a code for you from them. If you see someone that has a code, I encourage you to use it. That would be great. Anyway, I have a Garmin watch. And you can set an alarm on your watch so that just vibrates. And that's how my alarm goes off. So that's how my kids are still able to sleep in my room or climb in my bed, whatever. And my alarm only wakes me up. So I get up and it's 4:15. My alarm goes off. And I turn off my alarm. And I was feeling so tired, just real tired. And my first thought was just that contemplation of, do I get up? Maybe I should sleep some more. We did go to bed a little later than we thought. Gosh, I'm just feeling so tired. What's the day gonna look like? If I feel this tired right now and then, gosh, just God's timing. My 3 year old comes walking into my room. Maybe a minute after my alarm went off. He comes walking to my room, comes to my side of the bed as he does usually every single night around midnight. But today it was about 4:15 in the morning. And he goes, mom, can you put me in the middle? He loves to sleep between my husband and I. I go, yeah, buddy. So I pick him up and I roll him over my body like I do every night and I tuck him under the blankets and at that point I decide, I'm getting up, I'm getting up, I'm doing this for me. I know what it feels like to skip out on this and choose to just stay in bed with him. And he even said, oh, I wanted to hold your head for you. Which is a story for another day, guys. That has also been a transforming experience. Experience to bedtime. Asking my 3 year old to hold my head. It's absolutely transformative. I'll share that soon. But anyway, he goes, I wanted to hold your head. And I was like, oh, snuggle up, snuggle up. I'm gonna, I'm gonna go to the bathroom. And he fell asleep within like 10 seconds. And I, I decided to stay up, right? So I go and I get my workout clothes on that I had laid out the night before. As I always do, regardless if I know for sure I'm getting up or not. I always lay out my clothes just with the optimism of I'm going to choose to get up. So I get dressed, I head to my kitchen and I turn on that subtle light. I make some pre workout because I decide, you know, I'm, I'm up, I'm going to actually go for this, do my whole workout thing. And because I had woken up with enough time, I was really looking forward to journaling and being in my Bible, which I had heard something a couple of days ago from someone. I, I honestly wish I knew her name. It was just a reel that like popped up when I was on my Instagram and she was talking about collations. Collations. Also guys, if you're new to the Bible, let me just tell you. Type in the word that you'd like to learn how to pronounce into Google click and say, how do you say that word? Colatians. And then you could just press this button. Colossians. Colossians. So I was already saying it incorrect. Colossians. We're going to practice the correct pronunciation of that now Colossians. She was talking about how she loves to read Colossians because it talks about how Jesus was experiencing a different, a different version of the devil than what we face. Because the version of the devil is Jesus overcame was the devil that did have right over these things. And he did really. I'm trying to remember how she said it. It was so elegant. I was like, wow, that was amazing. But basically Jesus paid the debt for our sins. Like it's all been wiped clean because of Jesus. And now we have authority over Satan. We have authority over and free and we are free from sin. And obviously it's our choice, but we are now in a position of authority over these things. And that just really blew my way, my mind, the way that she was talking about it. So I was like, man, I'm gonna go read collations now. That's amazing. So I, I go into collisions the past couple of days and boy has it been delivering for me. I have it out in front of me. I'm highlighting three quarters of it at this point. I mean just, just the way it's written is, is so beautiful. The way it stood out to me this morning though. I write in my journal and I usually write in my journal and then read my scripture and I, I personally like that order of things. Um, I was writing in my journal though and listen to what I wrote today because I just felt so in flow with my writing and it was, it was phenomenal. It was like an exceptional feeling inside of me to write it out this way. And I believe that taking my mind to these places is why the following circumstances can happen as they do. And even that first one, my son coming in my room right after my alarm goes off, saying, I want to hold your head. I want you in this bed, right? And still. So having less than ideal circumstances and choosing to see the good in it, choosing to walk through it with a good attitude is always choice. And I feel extremely empowered when I make that choice. So I came to my kitchen on that high note and I start writing. I'm going to read you my full page. There's a focus of emphasis here. So what a typical journal entry might look like for me is I'm of the vine of Christ, obedient, truthful and God fearing. He is alive in me and I let him lead in any circumstance he is there. I get to be a positive light, a challenger to the darkness and a worthy opponent to negativity in this life. When I hear whispers of self doubt or fear, I enforce the God given law by exercising my authority that Jesus died on the cross for me to have pause there. That's the perspective that that woman in the video gave me that I'm like man, this is amazing that Jesus gave us the authority to enforce the law that he came and put into place and we have the authority to enforce that law. It was amazing. So anyway, he gave me the authority to be free from sin and I repay him in my usage of this gift. It should be me. I should be the one to follow through on what I want and notice I'm the one that thought about it. The dream generously gave me vision and desire. Why would it go to someone else to be implemented? It's obviously meant for me. My mind is off and I flow with the idea in harmony with the energy surging through me. I trust it and follow it. Distractions and fidgeting thoughts are eliminated. I sit in my complete dream with great focus and devotion. The people talking about a daily to do list being overwhelming for them are knee deep in the victim mentality. It's a daily dream list. A page full of things we get to do that were once upon a time a dream, hope and prayer to have as they are written today. The blessing of my past dreams being present. Life is alive in me. I get the beauty and see the value. My gratitude for each thing I do in the day is vibrant. I move through my home in sheer delight as I remember just how badly I wanted to get this home and make it our own. I walk into my kitchen and recognize that I live out every single day in my dream spaces, doing things that once would have felt impossible. Now, eight years, four children and a devotion to Christ later, I have a remarkable capacity to memorize, move, lift, tolerate, enjoy and laugh in the daily steps that make up my routines and lists. I'm so grateful I get to put all four of my boys I dreamed of having in my arms in daily rhythm. I get to cook new recipes and keep a beautiful home in order and strive for excellent health. My life is a remarkable reflection of God's love for me and writing that that's what my whole page looked like. Writing that was so many wheels turning in my head then. So I finished journaling. That usually takes me about 20 minutes and I get into my Bible and again I'm reading collisions. Still. Still trying to make sure I'm saying that right. Anyway, I'm reading collisions, collisions three now. And I read this morning verse see 1 through 17. And I'm just going to read it here because it was so convicting to me the whole thing. And then you have been raised with Christ. Seek the things that are above, where Christ is seated at the right hand of God. Set your mind on things that are above, not on things that are on earth. For you have died and your life is hidden with Christ and God. When Christ who your life appears, then you also will appear with him in glory, put to death. Therefore what is earthly in you, sexual immortality, impurity, passion, evil, desire and covetousness, which is adultery on account of these, the wrath of God is coming in these. You too once walked when you were living in them, but now you must put them all away. Anger, wrath, malice, slander and obscene talk from your mouth. Do not lie to one another, seeing that you have put off the old self with its practices and have put on the new self which is being renewed in knowledge after the image of its Creator. Here there is not Greek and Jew circumcised and uncircumcised, barbarian, slave free. But Christ is all and in all put on. Then as God chooses one holy and beloved, compassionate hearts, kindness, humility, meekness and patience bearing with one another. And if one has a complaint against another, forgiving each other, as the Lord has forgiven you, so you also must forgive. And above all these put on love, which binds everything together in perfect harmony. And let the peace of Christ rule in your hearts, to which indeed you were called in one body. And be thankful. Let the word of Christ dwell in you, richly teaching and admonishing one another in all wisdom, singing psalms and hymns and spiritual songs with thankfulness in your hearts to God. And whatever you do in word or deed, do everything in the name of Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God the Father through him. So I'm feeling completely convicted, so empowered, on fire. And I put on my workout shoes and I head into my basement ready to do my workout. And, and personally while I'm working out, I either listen to the the same three songs or I play Christian music that's available on Apple just like their, their Christian playlist. I like more of like the Forest Frank vibes of things and sometimes on these playlists there's more of like a hip hop, pop, rap genre. I don't. I. I'm describing it the best I can and I usually skip those songs. So that's why I like my little select few because I just know that how I'm going to feel when I listen to those. So I'm just feeling on fire. I do 20 minutes of weights and I do 20 minutes of running. And it was at this time, 5:55, that my 5 year old comes downstairs. And in my head I was like, oh, maybe I'm going to have enough time to run like five miles today. Oh, that would be really nice. It's been a few days since I ran. I'm going to go longer and slower and really work on my conditioning. And I was at 1.8 miles on the treadmill feeling pretty good. And then my 5 year old walks into the workout room and I just took it for what it was and I'm like, hey buddy. Like, good morning, you're up pretty early today. How you feeling? And he's just like beaming, happy. And I'm like, well, you can work out a little bit. I'm almost done. And at that point I decided to end my workout at 2 miles, which honestly just felt so right and so good to be so harmonious with my son, flexible in my, my approach to wellness and health, which I believe is crucial. In order to really do this and really, in order to really seek health as a family, you have to be a little bit adaptive and flexible and harmonious with your circumstances and recognize that your negative self talk or the victim mentality against your child, always interrupting my workout like that's doing more harm for you than running 2 miles instead of 5. Ending your workout early with a good attitude is enriching your health more than doing a longer workout with a bad attitude. And every cell in your body is listening to what you're thinking and then carrying that bad attitude all through the day. So why not just pivot? Why not be a little ballerina and pivot right there, a little pirouette, pivot and call it good. So that's what I chose to do anyway. This is where it gets real good. I head upstairs with my son and decide, oh, I had started laundry on the way down, so the laundry was ready to switch over. I switch over the laundry. I'm feeling all kinds of intentional and good. And then we get into the kitchen and I look up in my living room and I notice that I forgot to move our elf on the shelf last night. And I love to just do like, just fun crafts and all the holiday season things. Although my family, we, we make the holiday about Jesus even though, like we have enough on the shelf. My kids know that mom and dad give us presents. Like we don't. We take pictures with Santa. And I've taught my kids that Santa is a story just like Spider Man. And that's the way that we've Approached it. So while, yes, we do Elf on the shelf, I. I like it for the purpose of just like the daily little thing that they look forward to. And we are still very heavily focused on what, what it is that we're actually celebrating and what the actual purpose is of the season, which we've been talking a lot about. More this year with my 7 year old, who is very excited for presents. And I'm like, well, actually. So anyway, I forgot to move the elf. And I look over and I notice that he's still the same spot. And I'm like, oh, I want to move him. So I asked my son, I was like, buddy, will you go into your room, go get me a blanket? And he was like, yeah. So I was like, okay, sweet. So he runs to his room to go get me a blanket, and I, I like sprint into the living room, grab the elf off of my little ribbon spirit stick that I made a few years ago. And I still love to this day. Um, I take the elf off the ribbon spirit stick and I quickly just stuff him in the stocking so he's just like peering out of one of the stockings. I was like, phew, that was a close one. And then I head back into the kitchen. Well, then I hear my 5 year old go, mom, So I just stepped in something on the floor. And so I walk over to his room and there. You guys just excuse the description here, There is diarrhea, dog diarrhea. One of my dogs had an accident last night. Dog diarrhea in front, right in front of my son's room. So how. My seven year old, he must, My seven year old must have come to my room before that happened. And my 3 year old must have just got really lucky to step right over that. My poor five year old, though, he stepped right in it coming back out of his room, drug his blanket through it. Which why I'm laughing is because I am delightful. Okay, he drug his blanket through it and then he goes. Then he backtracks into his room to wipe his feet off on the carpet because there's something on his feet. So he's just like, I'm just gonna wipe whatever this is. And remember, it's dark in my house, so I just have a little bit of light in the kitchen. So he's like, mom, I just stepped in something. So I come over there and I'm still just in a great mood. I come over there and I see the dog diarrhea on the floor, and my sweet little guy is just standing on his carpet. Still rubbing his foot into the carpet. And I had turned on the light so I can see what it is now. And I'm like, oh, well, one of the dogs must have had an accident. So I was like, you go into the bathroom here. I like, pop him into the bathroom. I'm like, wash your foot off. I' be there in just a sec. Stay right here though, and I'm gonna clean up this floor. Well, he got the soap and he scrubs his feet and he did such a great job. And I'm like cleaning, cleaning the mess off the floor and spraying the carpet so I can get that cleaned. And then my sweet guy comes up behind me and he goes, mom, I'm so sorry. Someone made a mess right there. It was just the sweetest thing. And I was like, sweetheart, it was Flynn. Flynn pooped in the house last night. And this is. We're just gonna clean it up. It's all right, though. And in that moment, though, I was just like, gosh, my five year old stepped in this drug, his blanket through it and telling me that he's sorry. With zero frustration, zero annoyance, zero victim mentality. It was just move right along through it. And I'm so grateful that my mind was in the right spot for me to pay attention to that crucial detail of how good kids are at that. And that I had written that morning about this illusion of a to do list being this taxing heavy thing when really, it's a dream list. It's a I'm living my dream list. When I look at my to do list, I was, I was feeling pretty overwhelmed last night. Just feeling behind on things that I couldn't even tell you I need to get done. And that felt really stressful. Well, when I sat and I thought about all these things, like, hey, here's my plan for tomorrow. I'm gonna record a podcast episode. I've got six pen drops to record. I've got the team meeting at 12:30. I've got the meals to cook for the boys. Oh, man, we still gotta make those marshmallows. I've been talking about making the marshmallows every day. The boys are really looking forward to doing that. And I want to keep my word, right? Like, I'm just going on and on. And then I want to be able to take care of my health and make time for my husband to train for his ultramarathon. Like, all the things going on and I gotta get that Facebook stuff figured out. So professionally, physically, personally, spiritually, I have this running list of Things to do. And then when I journaled this morning about the to do list being the illusion of something so burdensome and how that's such a victim mentality, and really, it truly is something I get to do. And the things on my to do list were all dreams. At one point, having a podcast to. To record for was something I wrote down saying that I wanted in 2019. 2019, I said, I want to start a podcast. And now I'm doing it and editing this flip book that I'm making. Well, in 2020, I wrote down the goal to write my own book by 2025, and I'm finishing up my first book. Granted, it's a flip book, but still has the word book in it, and I. And I'm fulfilling that. And while it does feel heavy and you could interpret that as burdensome, I just. I'm literally living my dream. I've told you guys this so many times. I wanted four boys. Four boys. It just. When my. When my husband and I were engaged in talking about kids, I'm like, gosh, I would just love to have four boys. And here I am. I got four boys just like I wanted. I am literally living my dream. How badly I wanted my family to be able to make this house our home and all the things that I would do to make it just for us, and the meals I would cook and the recipes I would try, and that's what I'm doing every single day. Every single day. So this. This idea that the to do list has to be burdensome, I think is, again, it's a victim mentality. It's an illusion, really. It's a dream list. What's on your dream list today? All that, like, are you driving your kids that you dreamed about to school? You're gonna tell me that you never, like, thought it would be so fun and so cool to do the pickup line and take them to school and pack their lunch and make sure they have their backpack and do their hair in the morning. Like, when did it become so burdensome? It's the same task. It's the same. It's the same motion. It's better than what we dreamed of. And we just for. I really believe that the issue is we forgot these are all dreams of ours. When I was newly postpartum, even pregnant with my fourth, I was like, gosh, I'm just so excited to be able to run again and these varicose veins to go down and to have more flexibility and freedom over my body. And now here I am. Why is it that I interpret it to be so burdensome to work out when this is exactly very shortly ago I was looking forward to. And when you put it in perspective like that of literally the life you live today is something that you once dreamed of and it's so easy to take it for granted. It's so easy to described as burdensome. And then what? Well then you're just missing out on the beauty of today. That's how we miss out on the joys of being an intricate part of our, of our children's life experiences build that their childhood builds our motherhood and our motherhood builds their childhood. It's so reciprocated. We miss out on the chances to have a fun loving marriage while we're in these youthful bodies to be dancing with our spouses, laughing over things and, and having this free spirit about us where we're so supportive and we push and encourage one another to get outside our comfort zones. Like my husband's signing up for a 100 mile ultra marathon. I'm like, I am so excited for you to do this because I just, I really want to support you. I want to do everything that I can that would be supportive. I want to write you notes of encouragement. I want to say yes when you say to going on a run. I want to lighten your load and, and make it clear a way for you to do these really hard things. It's already hard. Training for a 100 mile race is already hard. So where can I lighten the load? And it's been such a rewarding process to sit in that more deeply, more wholesomely, more humbly and recognize that's, that's life. That's really life that we've all been given so much of what we dreamed of and we forget so quickly once we're in it, we're just on to the next thing onto that next, the next home we want, the, the next child that we want to bring into the world, the next meal we want to make, the next recipe we want to master and we can, we can slow ourselves down, we can get more really present with our lives and, and become peaceful and have this steadfast patience because we recognize. Well, I already, I just already know I'm going to get what I want and the amount of time that it takes to get those things, I'm okay with. I teach my kids that patience is knowing that what you want is coming and you're willing to wait for it. Persistence is going after what you want continuously and you want to ensure that you're going to get what you want. And once that assurance is presented and you know it's coming, well, now it's just about patience. And I teach them difference between those words because I think it's really important and meaningful. So anyway, I get the dog diarrhea cleaned up and I start now the second load of laundry for the morning. And it's only 6:30 at this point and I'm like, wow, you ready to make pancakes? And we, we start, my 5 year old and I, we start making our pancakes. And then my husband gets up. Today was a rest day for him, so he was enjoying some good sleep after running so much. But he gets up and we're delighted to see him. And then I tell him the story that, about the dog poop. And I was like, Luke walked through the dog poop, drug his blanket through it, and then realized he stepped in something so that he backtracks onto his carpet to wipe his feet off. And I'm literally cracking up while explaining the story to my husband. And he at first looked so annoyed, like so annoyed that the dog pooped in the house, so annoyed that our son stepped in it, so annoyed that a blanket was struck through us. So annoyed that all this took place. And I could, I could see it and I could sense it. And I still just like kept on laughing. I just kept on bringing the light. Like how I wrote about being a worthy opponent for negativity and that I'm the light in this darkness. It's just so easy to view things as inconvenient. It really is. It's so easy to view them as negative instead of this really hopeful, beneficial, purposeful moment and something that is designed to bring us close together, even though it'd be a really easy time to separate. I like the way my husband felt annoyed about all that initially while I was telling the story. I could have very easily done the exact same thing to his annoyed response. Well, now you look annoyed. So I'm gonna, I'm gonna sound annoyed. And I've done that more times than I can count. I am so over living a life like that. I'm just gonna keep on laughing. I'm going to continue laughing because I think it's funny. So why should I stop laughing when I feel so delighted? I just feel so good. And then this wonderful thing happened. My husband started laughing too. I kept, I kept laughing and then he started laughing too. Finally just allowing himself to feel the humor of it. And then as he's, he's getting out of this feeling of, of annoyance. Right. Emotions have a 90 second lifespan. Whatever you feel annoyed the first 90 seconds. Now laugh with me. I can tolerate 90 seconds. Right. I, I journaled about having grown my tolerance. So much for things. And anyway, we're laughing and then he was like, oh man, we forgot to move Punchinello. Punchinello's our. He's like, we forgot to move Punchinello. And he's like mouthing it to me because our son's in the room. And then I start really laughing again. I was like, that's actually how it all happened. I wanted to move him. So I asked Luke to go get me a blanket and then that's what got him to step it in the first place because I asked him to go into his room because I forgot to move it last night. So I see, I see my part just so blatantly in all of this. If I were to have moved the elf last night, would my 5 year old have stepped in the diarrhea and drug it back through his blanket and rubbed it on his carpet? Probably not. Probably not. So really, who should we be annoyed at in all of this if we are going to choose to be annoyed? I could have prevented it just as much as the next person. So anyway, we're laughing and then we laugh even harder because of the whole elf thing kind of setting it off. And it was just so, so wonderful to just be light hearted, be light hearted together. Notice like, okay, it's really easy to be annoyed about this. I'm gonna, I'm gonna have grace, I'm gonna have tolerance. I'm extremely patient. He's gonna come around and when he does like we're gonna laugh even harder and boom, he's laughing. Now we're all in this great mood. Well then I tell, then my 3 year old gets up and then my, then I get my baby up. Then my 7 year old gets up and they're all up around. I don't know, I think it was like 7, 715 that they're all up and we're eating these pancakes that I made and my 3 year old and I have everyone's plate ready and I make these pancakes that I make very frequently and I put it on his plate. Well, my three year old gets pretty particular about things he wants like a specific plate. Plate. We have, we have Christmas plates and they are the reindeer. So each plate is one of the jolly reindeer and he just loves the dancer plate. He loves the reindeer that's in a suit and tie with a top green top hat. And a little cane. And he's doing this dance move on the plate that's dancer and he loves the dancer plate and I love that he loves the dancer plate. So I always try to have it ready. I always, I always just appreciate that he loves that. To me, it's the same thing as like, I prefer to eat with a small fork than the large forks. I will choose a small spoon. I will choose a small fork over the bigger ones. I think the bigger ones are really heavy. I just, I like the feel of the smaller fork and smaller spoon in my hand, in my mouth. Just the size of food that it gives me, I prefer. So I just, I like preferences and I really love the feeling that comes with knowing my kids preferences, that I know what kind of juice they like, where they each like to sit, how they like their pancake cut. I, I love that I thrive on knowing these things. I just, I really, really do. I like it. So anyway, I give them the dancer plate, the pancake on it, and I decided to be a little creative this morning and make. Well, actually my 5 year old asked me to be creative. I went along with it though, so that counts. I make these snowman pancakes and so it's like three circles, three mini pancakes to make one big pancake. And it looks like a snowman for the most part. And I have these snowman pancakes on each of their plates. I put a little extra effort into these things and I slide in this plate and he was so happy that it looked like a snowman. And I was like, you know, isn't that cute? And I gave him his dancer plate. He's like, oh, I got my dancer plate. He was so appreciative, so grateful. I was so happy. We're all happy, right? And then he goes, mom, will you cut my pancake and put syrup on it? And I was like, yeah. And I knew before I even cut the pancake. I had this thought of like, does he really, does he understand that I'd be cutting up the snowman in order to do this? I had that thought and then I just was like, meh, whatever. And I just kept on keeping on, right? So I take my metal spatula, as I do, to cut their pancakes, and I cut up his pancake and I get it into these strips. And when he recognized that his snowman was no more a snowman, the snowman was no longer. Now he had strips. He felt so upset and obviously he feels hungry. He just woke up. He, they're going over a cold right now. So I know he has a cold right now and he still like woke up a little early. I mean, 6:45 is a little early for some kids. So I could just see all the, the storm, the perfect storm happening. And here I am with my jolly holly good mood, literally, literally took the strips of pancakes and chucked them on the floor. Just chucked them on the floor. And I felt so frustrated. I truly felt so frustrated. I felt this surge through my arms that I want. He had a couple more strips on the plate because he was like taking them one at a time and chucking at him. I felt this urge to grab one of the strips myself and chuck it on the ground or at a cabinet. Like, I just wanted to do something aggressive in that moment so badly. And I knew in that moment this is just my stress response. I'm having a stress response to this. This is, this feels very upsetting to me. And this is just what he's going to do right now. He's going to throw this pancake on the ground and I still get to decide what I do about it. And, and right now, the best thing that I can do about this, I'm done making the pancakes, is go get myself ready. I'm gonna, I'm just gonna, I'm gonna sit on this one. I'm gonna let the energy sit. I'm gonna let it chill. And I told my husband and I was like, I am gonna go take a shower. I'll be right back. I'm gonna go take my shower and get myself dressed. He's like, okay. So I go take my shower, get myself dressed, and I come back out. My husband's so sweet. He had cleaned up the piece of pancake. He probably said something to my son and he was likely in a much better operating emotional operating system than I was at the time. And now I felt just like locked in, ready to go again. Because I recognized it's early in the morning, he feels hungry. He also feels sick. And you know when a three year old watches his sweet little pancake snowman get chopped to pieces right in front of him, that's probably a little upsetting. Even if he asked me to cut it up. Just the acknowledge, like that's what he says about every pancake. And this is his first time getting a snowman pancake. So maybe out of habit he said, will you cut it and put syrup on it? And then in realization he's like, oh my, my snowman's gone. The little things, right? So I come back out and then my three year old, it had probably been like seven minutes or so. And my three year old comes right up to me, he's like, mom, do you want to read books with me? Like just moving right on from throwing the pancake. And I'm like, that is exactly the spirit I want us to keep our whole lives. I want us to keep that kind of spirit, keep that pep, keep that pace. And I got down on my knees and I told them, you know, I really do want to do that with you. And it really hurt my feelings when you yelled at mommy for cutting up your pancake like you asked me to. You asked me to cut your pancake, so I cut your pancake. And then you yelled at mommy. And then it really hurt my feelings when you took the pancake and threw it on the ground. So we talked about exactly what he did. I acknowledged exactly what he did. And he had just these sad puppy eyes and said, I'm so sorry, mommy. And, and he pets my hair, goes, I will speak kindly to you. I will speak kindly to you. And you can cut up my pancake. I'm so sorry. And I was like, sweetheart, next time something like that happens, you have a, you have choices. You could ask mommy, you could say, oh, mom, I really wanted my whole snowman pancake. Now I have a cut up pancake. Can I please, I'm sorry I asked you to cut it. Can you please get me a new snowman pancake so I can have a whole snowman? And I will do that for you. Yelling at mommy, throwing your pancake, it only makes the problem bigger. It makes hurt feelings bigger and more hurt. So instead when we have some hurt feelings, we just want to be able to talk about those feelings, talk about that thing rather than doing more of it. And it was just, it turned into such a wonderful moment to be on my knees and connecting with him and recognize, yes, we have a pace, yes, we have a pep. Yes, we have a steadfastness about us. And we're still learning lessons along the way. We're taking all these little, little micro lessons from these mini moments and carrying them with us and letting the hardship go, letting the stress response pass, letting connection prevail in these moments. And that just felt so wonderful, so wonderful. I just, I want each of us to be able to recognize that we get to decide and choose for ourselves on a piece of paper and in our daily life what we're going to think about things. Is it a to do list or is it your dream list? Here's my dream come true list. I have A house to clean. I have meals to cook. I have recipes that I have memorized. That blows my mind every time I make a recipe without referring. Every time, like I make something without referring to the recipe, I'm like, wow, that was amazing. Way to go. Remember the first time you found that recipe and now you can just do it. That's crazy, right? And, and to see yourself as a worthy opponent for negativity and darkness and victim mentality. You are a worthy opponent for these things and ultimately you're the authority of them. And the authority has the. You. When you're in the position of authority, you have the power to enforce the law. That's your job. Just like law officers, their job is to enforce the law. So in your position of authority, that was given to you by Jesus Christ who died on the cross for you to be free from sin. Now you're in a position of authority to enforce the law. The law says, get behind me, Satan. The law says that I must, I must continue on in alignment with who God says I am. When temptation to sin arises, when I feel frustrated and it's so easy to give the devil a seat at my table, to say, my eyes are locked on you, Lord, my eyes are locked on you. That that's the way I want to live personally. So here I am, over here, just in my Bible, learning how to read words like collations and understanding how to find things, sticky notes all over the place. And on a daily basis reminding my three year old to please leave the page markers, those little ribbons, please leave the page marker right where it is. Because when you take it out, I lose my page. It's there to keep my, you know, all those little things. I'm doing it too. And I just have a sincere appreciation and gratitude that I can look around and see how each and every one of us, especially me, has been given exactly what we said we want. And I refuse to be someone that becomes a victim of my own dream list, becomes a victim of my own design. Something I asked for, something I prayed for, that that is just, that's beyond, that's beside who I want to be. So I hope that just a little glimpse into my morning, the way my brain pivoted and worked through things and, and showed up and protected, that energy that I really want is something that inspires you today to do the same exact thing for yourself. Because you absolutely can. I believe in you. You're perfectly positioned right where you're at. You're the gatekeeper of your home and you are the one setting the tone that. That everyone else is going to feel. So even if someone else comes up to you feeling a little bit annoyed about something, you just keep on laughing, okay? You just keep on laughing because it's funny. And you smile because there's something to smile about. And you speak life because you are living a life. Gosh almighty. Isn't that good? It's so good. All right, friends, I'll see you soon.