158. Overcome the Victim Mentality Promoted to Moms

Oh friends, welcome back. We are in front of a big new beautiful year ahead of us. And I want to start out this year on show making sure that we break some broken mentalities that are flawed service to you. We're gonna break though that you can break break free. The exciting and fun part part about mentalities. And this is what I love what I love to do so much. I love flip mindsets. I love to take set that's hurting someone and replace you words in it and completely reshape entire opinion and the entire mental perspective of things. Watch this person become free, become free again. I love to do this for myself to self too. And we're going to start out with this is because trying to have full range of motion, full mobility flexibility in your motherhood where where you in your home and approach any. Any circumstance, any sibling sibling conflict any time on the clock and and we've got a dinner or this rand random thing popped up ever. If you want to be able to fully approach anything you find find yourself in especially in motherhood in 2026, you got the chains off and the victim mentality is your ball and chain. That is like trying to clean your kitchen with handcuffs on. How you gonna do it? You need to be able to reach the cabinet. Okay. The. The spray bottle you need all the way over there. How are you gonna get it with that ball and chain or ankle? Right. We gotta take all this off and lighten that mental weight. And the first broken mentality we can approach in this is that the mental is coming from someone outside of you. If you accept that narrative in your life, what are you gonna do about it? What are you gonna do about it? I think it's terrible advice to tell someone that their victim mentality, their negative thoughts, the mental load that they're experiencing is someone else's fault and responsibility. It's your kids doing this to you. It's your spouse because he doesn't help out. It's your friends because they don't show up and create this village for you. It's your behavior because they put all this on you. They put you through so much at a young age. Listen, I've heard it all too. And people in my life that want really well, really good things for me, they can come from a really great place. And if they're trying to feed me a mentality and get my mind hooked on an influence that me becoming who I want to be is in someone else's hands, I'm a reject it. I am going to immediately reject that. I have only experienced growth and true empowerment and progress towards who I want to be through through the road of ownership and accountability. If I want to change something I must own it entirely. I'm not We've talked about this we talked about this before. You're not going to go red and paint it the color it the color you want paint the car. You've got to own it. If you want to change the things you have you have to have to own them. So instead of running away from the victuality running away from your negative thoughts aren't mine like like those are really easy to get away from the. How about we how about we just sit here and you go through go through some examples own each and every every one of those recognize. Yes I chose to to believe that yes that has been my my way of thinking about us. I agreed agreed with that person once upon a time a time. Now I want to think differently differently about things you see and step out of of when living in. As soon as you decide that you that you you own it yourself there now you're getting yourself yourself out you you thought that you're changing your mind you be you behaved like that and something different. If it's. If it's someone else's fault if you're in that and that makes me mentality which is victim mentality if you're doing that then you're going to stay conf in the confine ever cage that they've put you in. Basically Basically is what you're saying. So I'm encouraging you you to break odd mentalities with me because it's very fun. It's very freeing. You you get to take off the ball and chain you get to take off the handcuffs and have full full range motion full mobility and flex in your everyday life. It is the the best. So what inspired episode though amongst all those that I just mentioned was I saw and then became became extremely interesting. I saw a large account on social media talking about motherhood and talking about her kids in a certain light and it was just so highly engaged with people were relating to it. Oh my gosh, this is so funny. I totally get was kind of like the comment section and what she's saying was so so just obviously the victim mentality but no one was calling it that. It was just called funny and relatable and I get it like that and and there was just so much bonding over this picture that she painted and I thought that was just so interesting. I thought it was so interesting. So then it took me to do a little research of like well what else is being said Because I I like to create content rather than consume it. I have really strict social media boundaries with myself and and it's helping helping me adhere to those and as I adhere to those and I clean up the content I consume and the content that I create and I am very intentional with the relationships and conversations that I entertain in a personal life as well. I become kind of unaware of what the common narratives are that are being said. I just, I. I don't know what they are because I stopped listening to them. And and so my feed it is curated to show me positive things. I get a lot of running content on my, on my Instagram. And that just goes to show that you can teach your show you what would whip you in in a healthy way. Rather than helping you and helping you numb numb and helping you escape helping you get out of this the feeling you're in and into a different one that's equally dull in another way you can algorithm to help you help you a lot of ways. So anyway that's how I did though. And then, then I was like well what else is it? So I just made a made a list of these thoughts that being shared through this content content like it and the comment section and I wanted us to do a little bit more more standing dive into why it's so important important for you to hold your higher standard than what than what it is I'm about to show. And that's that's true that's truly what it comes down to is the standard in which you hold you hold yourself to. This is a standard of living living a gossip and negativity. It's a standard standard hold yourself to. Even if you could say something in a funny way that would be related to more if it at all conditions your victim mentality mentality if it resembles complaining, justifying behaviors, blaming other people if it at all that it is the wrong move, it's the wrong move and it being funny is an even worse reason to do it. And I'm going to explain that in a second. I can as we get. So number one, this mentality of of my kids get me it's like, like that's basically what they're saying when they say they wait until I sit down to need something. That's when I sit down. It's like my kids have a little alarm, a little radar right when I sit down as a course when they need something or they purposely test my patience like they're just waiting for the moment that it would be easiest for me to snap to behave like this. Okay. As a whole, like we have those little thoughts and we see these things being talked about, being shared and they're not true. That's the thing that's just so mind blowing to me. These are not facts. These are facts. They are one perspective. They are an opinion. A fact is emotionally neutral. It's emotionally neutral. It doesn't have a feel good or like doing this so I can feel better doing this so I can feel worse component to it. A fact is just the actual circumstance itself. It holds up in a court of order be backed. That's the fact. The fact. The fact that is what you think about it, how you feel about it, the humorous way you try to describe things. And that's where our mind needs to be held to a higher standard. I'm not talking about me and you or this person and that person. I'm literally talking about our brains. This is what we must do for our brains in order to show up as highly empowered and totally accountable women that do that live the exact life she wants to live. She puts the ball in her court and she scores because she trains, she conditions, she practices and she's. And she's going to make sure she gets, she's just, she's decided to take off, right? Have full, have full range of motion. That's what we're talking about. Talking about here is what keeping my brain when I do this. You say things, entertain things, age with things that say they purposely test patients and they wait until I sit down to something. You are ultimate or ultimately teaching. Your kids are out to get you. You and how are you gonna, how are you gonna feel if you believe in one way, one way or another that your kids are at home? You're gonna feel tense around your kids. You're gonna feel stressed around your kids. You're. You're immediately going to feel like the victim of your kids. And truly, truly the conversation each and each and every one of us have and there is a perspective perspective to that one of us could share and adopt that would blow that of the water where we would all, all sit collectively and say there's no way that's true. True. There's no. It's a fact that my kids kids are out to get to get me. I've never met a personally, I've never met a single person on this planet that, that wants better for me, my kids at all times. The amount of grace for forgiveness, compassion, encouragement, belief that they for me Is. Is unlike anything I've ever experienced in another relationship with a. With a person. And I have a very loving, encouraging, and wonderful husband. And the love that my children have for me, the immediate forgiveness, the immediate. I mean, I mean the love is just wavering even in. In when I make mistakes and I mess up. That grace, just the closest thing to me that could possibly resemble God's grace for me too. And I want to be more like that. So there's just no room in my motherhood for me to attach to my kids out to get me. No matter who is saying it or how funny the joke was, I have to have my mental guards up to reject that narrative. And I want you guys to do it too. I want you to be able to see the bigger picture. If we're assuming that our kids operate with malicious intent, you are to assume the worst in them, which means you're looking. Looking the worst. You're looking for misbehavior behavior. What. Whatever your mind is looking for, your eyes are going to see the eyes, see what the mind looks for. So these. These thoughts that I'm sharing with you are just conditioning your mind to look for the wrong things and truly creating a misery for you to suffer in each day. Then the next little jokes that I wrote down were. Were I tiny tyrants? Have you guys seen. You guys seen that one? My toddler is a toxic. Okay, yeah. So the overall mentality that that falls into is kids are tiny dictators or terrorists and these un. These, These miserable companions, it's just all so awful for us. And they're doing this to us, which is victim mentality 101. Life is happening to me. Other people are happening to me. Do you seriously want to teach your brain to believe and create entire narratives that your kids are happening to you? Because there's going to come a time we entertain the jokes folks and we gently. That's. I think, I think this is mostly accident. We accidentally built a mindset that trained our mind to believe that we're power powerless and our kids are the bosses. Our kids are this tyrant and they're. They're awful. Oh my gosh, they're toxic. They're so brutal. To me, they're so awful. Right? All right, you're gonna condition your mind and then there's gonna come a time. Time that you really want to be with your kids. Well, they got sick, they hurt. Something happened, and you want to see show up as that gracious mom in the middle of the night that had endless capacity to be there Just she constantly drinks and he drinks from a cup of coffee. It overflows, lose it somehow never out. And it's up from 1am to 4. 4am and just as peaceful as she would she would have been if it for 1 to 4pm she all the tolerance for this, all the capacity, all acceptance for everything. That thing that's unfolding, holding and grateful for who she's becoming in the process, who she's showing up is confirming who she really believes that she is. And she's taking it all, she's taken it all as an opportunity to be expressive of who she is, who believes who. Who she believes made her. It's also purposeful and beautiful and you get this entirely picture. You can only do that if you believe you're the one in the seat of control, in the seat authority, in the seat of power. You're the one called. You're the one. You're the boss. Not them. You can only serve in a way if you believe that this is something worthwhile, this is something that you truly want to be doing. You're not going to want to do that for a toxic boss or a tiny tyrant. So these words we think are so funny and really they are, they are. Or breaking our entire motherhood. It is. It's a serious thing. And in my mind, in my experience this is a really serious thing and it needs to be taken more seriously that I believe it's inappropriate to create jokes like this. Your. Your mind has zero, zero sense humor. Humor happens in the logical frontal mind and you have to, you have to understand that what we're taking in intellectually and entertaining comes into this to the sub. Your subconscious mind is. Is paying attention that you easily overlook, overlooked. You heard it on the radio. You sit in passing. Your kids said in passing, whatever, like, like it was just a little comment. Your subconscious mind pays attention to that too. So being very intentional and very disciplined with what you choose to entertain even when it's inconvenient, even when it's hard, even when it's boring is what builds out your subconscious mind to operate from a place of truth. Because once that joke gets the subconscious mind, it lost all humor. It takes it very literally. So making jokes is about your kids. It's to other people and use dark humor humor. I think that's what people. It's dark humor. We all, we all need dark humor. We don't. That's, that's not a fact. It's a fact that I, I need dark humor. I'm better off, off without It. Thank you. It would be so much more the and productive for me to sit down with a journal and process through the real feelings and the real thoughts that I that I have than to try sugar coat it with something called dark humor. And yet we, we don't view that as a problem. That's. That's the thing that that really blows my mind is positivity painted out maybe this toxic problematic thing yet if it's a negativity issue it's justified. It just really helps with the cope the coping and things are so hard. Positivity does it says the same thing. Positivity rips when things are so difficult that empowerment really helps when you feel like an all time low. That vision, the future, that standard that I hold my myself to really helps in the unexpected unexpected in the things that feel extremely challenging. Anyone trying to tell you oh my gosh, you've just come way too positive. This is toxic positivity. Now what? We can't even say a joke anymore? How about you're just operating based on the psychology and the actual physiology of of your brain and body. How about that? How about you're just using the science. Equip yourself with that. And honestly if someone's saying that to you, evaluate the relationship a little bit, a little bit more closely is of true benefit for you and benefit for them and benefit for everyone involved. Is this really a relationship that's going to help shape you into the very best version of yourself? Spending more time with this person. Are you equipped to navigate with the rights and tools to protect who it is that you're working you're working to. If the answer is no, then go work longer on your skills and tools. Be intentional with where you're spending your time being true with the information that you're sharing. Make more observations, share less of those observations with others but really just understand that and that need to feel and and it loves to recognize how power powerful motherhood how power powerful and what authority has been instilled in us over our children. It's. It's so important. Another one that I wrote down. This is why mom has. Mom has look at what these people did did to me and they say it. They say it it. Such humor like obvious. This is joke. I know my kid kids in me remember that subconscious mind. The subconscious mind will build out an entire reality in which your kids really did do that to your mind, to your body, to your spirit, to your soul, to your personality, to your habits, to your desires, to your dreams. You can apply it to Everything. And how on earth are you going to have a beautiful relationship with your children in which there's extreme gratitude for one another, expressed and mutually expressed and reciprocated in flow when you're blaming them for the worst parts of you, to you, that's if your kids, your kids were to grow up, blame you for. For everything, no ownership. And now they're now their mid-30s and they're blaming you, how's that going to feel? We're gonna be like, okay, seriously, you're an adult. Like, I can own what I've done. I know I'm gonna make mistakes in my motherhood. I know that I'm gonna work really hard towards these things. And some of them, my kids might. Mom, I really wish. We. Wish we would have done XYZ instead of. Let me take on more of this. I. I just. Just fully anticipate being something. Something that my kids wish I would have handled differently even. I totally tried to do what I believe to be right at the time. And when that happens, I intend to have total ownership. Total ownership. Take responsibility, full accountability. Accountability so that I can do the same thing. I refuse to blame, I refuse to complain about it. I refuse to justify myself. I'm just gonna take responsibility and accountability so that. That is the example I expect my kids to operate on as well. Like, yeah, yeah. And now. So what are you gonna do about it? Type of resources, what type of skills, what type of type of tools you acquiring so that now as an adult, you can do things exactly as you want them done at the time. I did them how I wanted them done. And I can totally see where you're coming from and I can see how it would have had a different outcome. And sweetheart, if that had been an idea that I had at the time or something available to me at time, I sincerely hope I would have chosen to do that too. I'm on your side. I'm on your team. I want teams. I want what's best for you. Now moving forward like that is, I would like to see happen. Obviously that's just in my brain. So I guess we'll see down the road what it acts like. However, if we are suggesting that children take life from us as mothers, then we're missing out on how they're actually and the ways that our kids that are kidding to our life. Life is likely going to position your children. Something that takes from you or something that gives to you. It would be finer, better for them and for you, Andrew, and your every relationship. If you position the people in your life as people that give to you, they could give more than they could ever take ever from you. They give you more, you more than. That's how we stay in this mentality of more to give. Because they've given me more, me more than their ass. Yes, they're sick, and yes, it's day three. Yes, it's day ten. Yes, they've been in the hospital for weeks. Whatever the circumstances is, you need your mind working with you. Circumstances themselves are already happy. So why would we allow. Allow our mind to make it more challenge, challenging, difficult for us. Our mind is a tool, and we are positioned and given opportunity to use this tool to help us, to help us. And that does include perspectives. Perspectives are one of the best ways we can help ourselves is the ability to view something multiple different ways and attach to the one that most truly serves you in the bigger picture. Not just, oh, it serves me because lets me on off the hook sometimes you need to stay on the hook. Okay. Another one that's commonly said is that I saw. I don't know how common this is, but I saw this one. All this one. I was like, what, you want birth control? Borrow. Borrow my kids for an hour. That's what. That's what it said. If you want control, borrow my kids for an hour. An hour. And again. And then with humor. And the subconscious mind is negative humor. So what this overall mentality is going to teach your brain is. Is kids are burdens, not blessings. And it turns motherhood into a warning rather than a calling. Do you seriously want women to view motherhood as a warning rather than a calling? I would love to play my part in womanhood to express motherhood as a deep, fulfilling call. Calling the greatest thing you could ever do. Do the most per full thing you could ever spend your time, your time on, the most fulfilling you could ever dedicate your. Your resources to. I mean, it will it again. It give more to you than it could ever take. Even when it. It takes a night of sleep. What it gave you, the wisdom, the lessons, the maturity, the grace, the faith. Motherhood gave me faith. I didn't have faith before motherhood. And every year, every passing year, it gives me more maturity, it gives me more wisdom, gives me more lessons, gives me more intentionality, gives me more vision, more love, more forgiveness, more emotional maturity, intelligence. Like it gives me so much more than what it asks of me. And fascinatingly enough, in some very full way, my capacity to do the things that give me grows. It grows every single day. So then it just feels Easier for me to do the things that it's asking of me because it allows my capacity to grow while, while still giving so much. That's, that's the I want to be sending and, and I'm. If it comes across as unrelatable, I, I'm okay. Across as too serious. Well, you should lighten up. It's just a joke. Learn to take a good joke. You know, if all the thing that's being said in middle school, if we're still saying, saying mull one liners. I just, I think I'm in the wrong room. Room. I think I'm. I'm entertaining the wrong comment right now. So these victim way of describing experiences are just opinions. They're mentalities and you see that they're rooted in the victim and mentality. All these opinions are coming back mentality. It encourages, urges you to open your own victim mentality and realize. Realize what's my victim mentality saying? Here's where I put myself in handcuffs and asked myself to complete these tasks and to show up and to grow and to learn and to do all these things. Well, why am I doing that? First I should take off the handcuffs and then I should complete the task. Then I should try doing that again once I've removed this cage that I've done. And we all have a victim mentality. I have a victim mentality. It came up strong ablazing over Christmas and I, I just had to work through that. I had to use the same tools, the same skills that I teach you guys and honestly just the self awareness to be able to catch it is powerful. It's more than enough. If I can just catch it and recognize what's coming, then I can change every single single thing that happens next. Because I'll change every single thing that I do next. And every outcome is forced to change. If I do something differently, nothing else can remain the same. If I change, it will turn out differently. And the same thing goes for you. And that's again a very empowering thing to experience. So some of these other ways that I talked about. So that was like the kind of the kids perspective a little bit going to the motherhood perspective. But now I want to see it too from the perspective of like motherhood and our identity as mothers. Because these comments and these content was just endless. We have talked, I've talked about a lot of good skills and tools and on the show that why not open up together? So some other ways that I saw this is like this blaming, using blame to replace responsibility. And it Sounded like I yell yell. It's because made me AKA it's make me the only way they only way they list they yell I'm this way because of them. I used to be so fun. I used to be so light hearted, so adventurous and now I'm not because my kids won't let me. They make me stress, they make me stern, blah blah blah. I don't like who I don't like. Well, oh, okay. It's totally fine, totally fine to recognize I'm someone that I barely, I barely recognize and also wreck that you allowed that to happen. If you did not allow that to happen then that means it can happen again. Happen again and again and again and again and again. And it's not you could do this to you. It's to you. It's your spouse, it's your mom, it's your, it's your dad and it's your cousin. It's, it's, it's everyone else and how, how stressed and anxious are you going to feel, feel accepting that. That we have to. If you believe it's someone else's fault, have to also take responsibility for the forever else that comes with that. And that's what I just explained. You, you are, are creating an entire if you're the victim of everyone and everything. And to me that's way too big of a price to pay for what 10 minutes of, of ease. 10 minutes of innocent. I look at it as I want to learn the better way to get everything I want. I believe I can anything I want 100 I can have anything that I want. And in doing so I want to make sure I go about it and in the very best way. What's the right way to get everything I want? Even if it takes longer, even if it's full of discomfort, even if it requires more of me. I want to do it the right way because I want to know that what I think is something that I. It's a standard I can hold myself to because it wasn't given to me by another person. It's something that I forged myself and so another person can't change it. They can't take it from me even if they're behaving that test it and a sense of difficulty for me. I want to lean stronger into what it is that I've created. And if I'm using blame to say well it's my kids fault because they make me yell, I'm this way because of them, then you will never get to be who you want to be. You will never get to stop yelling. You will never get to be a skillful communicator because who's going to let you that you think kids are just gonna let you do that? They're gonna let you take control of the conversation. They're gonna let you use a calm tone. They're gonna let you be quiet for business you'd like. They're gonna let you do that. Do that. Of course not. Of course not. Because you have this mentality that they don't let you. So no, that's not going to work. When blame replaces responsibility, your accessibility to tools and skills and skills go the window. Your mind literally turns off your ability to access what you've because it fits the, the wrong narrative for that moment. Your mind is looking at it as like yeah, I heard that but it doesn't apply to this. No, we don't want that tool right now. I know Tessa said to ask questions. I know Tessa said to use positive language. I know no and apply to this. It doesn't apply to this. Look at my kids. Look at what? Look at what they're doing. There's no yes. Someone told me that she said what what about Because I had said there's always a way to say, to say yes and by that there's always, always a way to communicate clearly and positively positively. And it's getting effect the negative and someone messages me back me back saying well with a dog we are absolute never getting a dog. So it wouldn't make sense for me to use positive positive language because we're going to do it. Okay, that's, that's assuming that always going to live in your house. Is that the vision vision you're going to be deciding for your kids when kids when they're own and have their own families and their and their own could easily say yes. When you move out and you have your own space and resources to care for the dog get you'd like I, I encourage you all about them. Take all this time you have from now and then to learn about every single dog, what their needs are, what the pros and cons are of each one, what kind of lifestyle you want to have. You want a herding dog or you want to run a racing dog. You want, you want just a commandable or you want one that is fulfilling a service job. What do you want? You could absolutely take that approach. Instead it's we're never getting a dog. It's so controlling. It's so fear based and I'm so, so over it. Just I Got my feet firmly planted in what is true. And it is true that there is always, always a way to communicate kindly, positively, effectively. And it just feels so much better to be in that headspace. It feels so much better to be in that communication style than putting yourself in this position and to start saying can't, don't, won't know. La la la la la. It's just such a drain there. It's. It's just so draining. So I have no desire to operate from that place at all. Another one that I heard that I was like, oh, we're gonna write that one down too. They never appreciate me, they're so needy. I can't breathe. And it creates this idea that our kids are something we don't want them to be. And we start using those negative ur statements. My kids are ungrateful, my kids are high maintenance, my kids are too much. And it interprets normal child development as a personal offense. And if your children are personally offending people, then you just fueled your, fueled your victim mentality and it'll keep on bur on burning. It's just endless capacity to burn, burn and it use truly anything. That's what's so mind blowing to me about the victim mentality more than most things is you can be in the most delightful circumstance delightful circumstances to fulfill a fill a family dream, to go on this trip, this trip, experience these and do it all together. And one inconvenience sets the whole thing on fire. Fascinates me how brain will use literally any, any circumstance to confirm. Confirm what? You got it. If it's good enough, it's good enough. If it's not good enough or trying or if they're not, if they're not trying just as you'd like it to to or if it was doing. And, and I love, love the fact that, that what we choose to think, think about things reveals everything about us, about us. Very little about the facts facts and so telling about we view ourselves as, as. And it's not even the mental thing of like oh, you, you view yourself entitled or you view yourself as blah blah, like it's not even that. It's just, it's just still filled with compassion now and now restoration. Because when I hear, when people express to me what they think, think this compassion hits me so hard of like wow, those are the thoughts that, that you're living with Tor 7 like sure, sure, you're sharing them with me, right? You're the one experiencing them all day, every day. And more than those thoughts, you're experiencing the feeling they create because every cell in your body is listening to what you think. And it's creating these chemical reactions that make up your emotions. And. And then you've got behaviors that follow because you are. Are truly feeling all of that anxiety, you truly feeling all of that stress, all of that depression, all of that disconnection, coldness, judgment. You're just feeling all of that. And I have this deep sense of compassion and empathy because I remember feeling that way. I remember my mind being a tornado, just this negative tornado that would blaze through any environment that I found myself in, any circumstance that I found myself in. And it would create all of these terrible narratives that brought me down and took me out of alignment with who I really wanted to be. And I didn't want to accept the fact that it was me. I didn't want to. I didn't want to look in the mirror and recognize like hey Tessa. Like it is what it is. And what you're choosing to think about it is the first and largest place to put your attention. This is the thing most deserving of your effort is you helping yourself think better about it. I didn't want to face that because it felt way too painful to take responsibility for what I had chosen to think about other people. I think that was the most painful part for me was realizing how selfish I had been, how judgmental I had been of other people. To try and build out my own innocence, I had to severely in order to keep myself innocent innocent. And as. And I grew. Oh and I learned these things slow lowly into it like okay, okay. Am I gonna be okay? I hope I'm gonna be okay. Something's got to be better than this though. So I'm just gonna try it. That was. That was so challenging for me to face. Like wow. Here I was judging her the whole. I mean. I mean I just as guilty. I'm just guilty for words, for the behaviors, for the judgment, for the thoughts or the all of it. Like I. I have just as much to be responsible for. And putting all that focus back onto my. To myself was probably the greatest things I've ever. I've ever done for me is just to stop focusing on else is doing and putting put that amount of was putting on them put. Put that energy and she didn't do about it. Learning to do it's helped me through my children conflict with one another. It's helped helped me through the difficulty of newborn stages, ages, growth my marriage step stepping more into entrepreneur that I want to be navigate social Media seeing scenes and difficulties there. Like, like my own thoughts. It is healthy. Healthy in every way imaginable in my life. Just to look at things, look at things as it is what it is. Yeah. Yes, that. And here's what I'm choosing to think about. Think about it. I'm choosing to do about it and giving myself plan that. That way that I can stay really strong. Hatch to. I. I just, I have a really hard time. I'm seeing where we can live in that way we can think with this total empowerment, total ownership and say, I'm just surviving. I have no control over my day. Moms don't get day off. Self care is a fantasy. If you're entertaining all this. There was more that said my husband doesn't help at all. So I'm stuck. My spouse is the enemy. Good moms never rest. If I'm sitting, I'm failing. Like, I just, I'm just a yeller. I've always had a temper. I'm not cut out for this. Everyone else is doing better than me. All these thoughts, if those are the mentalities you want to keep, then the bigger decision you're making is to give up ownership, give up powerment, give up purpose and meaning and an opportunity to become the person you want to be through the circumstances that you're in. Like literally in this moment that you're facing with these people that are around you, with everything that you've been given from the time you were born to now, you can use it for good or you can use it as fuel for the victim and your mind will do either. I just personally believe you have to choose one. You're trying to straddle this line. Like, why want to keep one foot on this socially acceptable side of Kids are the enemy. All moms are exhausted. I can't because of my husband's work schedule. Like, I want to put one foot over here where I get the excuse and I want to have one foot, one foot over here where we're like the most peaceful, peaceful, calm, connect, gracious, faithful, vertical version of me. How are you gonna straddle that line? I mean, many people, people are trying to straddle that line. I'm just saying, how are you gonna grow either just go all go all in. Go on the one you really want. And if you're listening to the show, it's because you want to go all go all in on the impediment, all in on the. On the ownership. And this is a mentality. So anytime your mind is, is entertaining these Thoughts. Stop reading on that real real. Stop looking at my content. Stop listening listening to those podcasts, stop watching those show shows on you wherever you actually access them. Stop. As soon as soon as someone shoots what they they think out the circumstance that they're that they're in and you can can see, oh wow, this is who they're choosing to be in it. As soon as they show you who they're choosing to be in it by means of what they think about it. Make your make your decision all in with them. And I am, I'm owing this mentality into my mind. My mind or I'm opposing it. And I and I am a worthy opponent of negativity and the victim. I have been given authority to practice the law over, to enforce force the law over negativity and the victim mentality. That that is the kind of authority even in the name of Jesus Christ. So I'm you're face facing opposition in the of negativity. These thoughts that come into your mind, this content that pops up in front of you, unexpected conversations, little comments in passing. You have been given authority to enforce the law given to you in the name of Jesus Christ on the cross to overcome all of those things. Overcome it, dismantle it, express power over it, prove it wrong, move on from it, let it fall at your feet. The only reason why it creates this burden on you and this onions because you're attaching to it, you're picking it up, you're carrying it along with you. You're entertaining it, you're trying it on. You're taking that person's perspective and trying it on in your life. Oh she said that about her husband. What would that look like trying that on on my husband? Is there, is there truth there is there. Does the shoe fit him like it fits her husband? How she's saying, oh she described her kids this way. Let me try that on, Try that on. My kids do these things. Kids say these, say these things. That means that they're this no, no, reject it, oppose it, refuse it. And I see this even more strongly in faith based community which is just so ironic to me. Like there is this messaging that our kids are bad inside and they're we have to like get all this evil, all this like bad things out of them. I don't know. I don't know. It was really blowing my mind though like that we should be fearful of who our kids will become rather than entirely focused on on ensuring to know Jesus and ensure that our kids have a relationship through ship, through him with him means of who we say say he is how we model his instructions for us how we God's grace love and mercy how we how just I'm trying I'm trying really hard to describe it It'd be an episode for another day. I'm just saying when you you hear messages that that are coming from people that you highly respect respect you greatly respect that they're trying to say something that thing that would at all in your kids against you you create a narrative in your that your get you get you you can't any of any of that reject reject all things good all things made by but God are good and we can we can see that Timothy read it yes yesterday Anyway friends I just really want to encourage you fresh new beautiful year ahead of you. First thing we should be doing is taking inventory mentalities and this and the sources in which are feeding our mind information through entertainment through influence through passing where we find ourselves in Give yourself full authority to enforce the law that's been given to you to overcome each and every one of those things to decide what it is is who it is that you're going to be going to be what it is do how how you're going to think about things. You get to decide all of that all of it and it's so empowering so empowering Friends, if you need a little bit more you want a little bit more help course find us over in the membership through January we are running a month long challenge about micro habits. I want you to master the five daily habits that build you into an empowered woman that takes on her just as she'd like to keeps her mind focused and these five habits help you mentally, physically, emotionally, spiritually and they do not require you to wake up before your kids or make these crazy nutritional changes. Exercise changes like nothing crazy. Everything sustainable. Five simple habits a day and you are going to feel so much better. It's just the right way to start your January off on the right note with sustainability and practicality. I have the the note the excuse me the details linked below for you the show notes and we've even link linked a free free trial to the membership. Get a full experience of what it's like in there. Learn about where my courses are held in there get on a live coaching session with me, see some of the replays that we have available just really drink it all in for a week and decide if it's worth it to you to be a part of this coaching community. And I truly believe that the answer is going to be? Yes, I just want you to try it out first. Free 7 day trial link in the show notes below. I hope that you'll take part in our January Challenge. So starting on January 5th and running through the month of January, I'll see you guys later.