159. Turn 'They Make Me' Into 'I Choose To' | Ask Tessa Q&A

Our mind can play all kinds of clever tricks in this life, especially through the diverse circumstances that we can experience. And while we may know that we can control our attitude, meaning the way we think about things and how we choose to show up and thus how we're feeling in those moments, we can control what we think, say and do. Our mind likes to spin it when it's feeling really difficult to control the way we're showing up in those moments. So our mind will spin it and make us out to be the victims. There's nothing I can do. This is too hard. It's them, not me. They're making me. Blah blah, blah. And this does come up a lot in motherhood and I want to be able to empower you to be able to catch when your mind is using the makes me mentality. So this episode is just a little bit different. Today I asked my Instagram community for some questions that they have and some circumstances that they're going through that they would like to be walked through on the podcast. So I'm going to use two of our responses that we got to connect this idea back to the makes me mindset. And I want to be super clear that we're making this all about what we're choosing to think. Because as you change what you choose to think to be a more empowered perspective, you on your own will come up with incredibly incredible ideas to help you resolve conflict and work through challenge. And you'll show up completely differently and only you know what your circumstances are really like. If we spent our time on this episode going through like, oh, do this instead, and I offered it in that perspective, your mind would spend time and energy proving it wrong, deciding why that wouldn't work for you. I that's why when some people try to give you advice, when you let them know the circumstance and they give you advice, your mind feels so frustrated with that. I just don't get it because I also can't do that because of my husband's work shift. I also can't do that because of I have three other kids or I don't have family support or, or, or, or like there's always a reason why in our mind that someone else's solution will not work for us until we're in the right head space to really focus on the solutions. And that is truly impossible to get to if you're still in the makes me mindset. So the first reference that I wanted to bring this to is from a friend, Katie, in our community. She said my 11 year old mostly Love him and he can be a stinker when we're trying to get him to listen. He'll argue mostly or joke around or be sarcastic or make me laugh when I'm trying to be serious. Lol. So mainly my question is, when I use your scripts and your tools sometimes and it doesn't go the way I'm hoping, what do I do next and next if it keeps going that way, and this is a really valid question, right? We put some scripts out there of like, okay, this is a great script to use to correct disrespectful communication with your kids and to restore that respectful communication. And sometimes our kids rebuttal our script and they miss their part to follow the script by using sarcasm or humor or arguments. Now what's so powerful in this is not what her son is doing at 11 years old. It's how she's perceiving it. And this is what I want us to call attention to. Just this line right here makes me laugh when I'm trying to be serious. Okay? If our kids can make us laugh when we want to be serious, then we've put the control over ourselves on them. And we've literally taken taken an adult size responsibility which can feel like a burden, and put it on the shoulders of an 11 year old. It is way too big for him to be responsible for what we are choosing to do. For regardless if it's laughing or cleaning up or speaking kindly or yelling. Whatever we are choosing to do, we want to have complete and total ownership over. Even if we feel out of control in those moments. Even if you ever get to the point where you feel out of control and you are yelling at your kids or laughing when you're trying to be serious or letting the schedule go out the window, giving them what they want more than what they need, anything like that. It could feel like, gosh, I just feel so out of control in those moments. Like it's so hard to control myself. What I'm choosing to think, what I'm choosing to do, what I'm choosing to say to them. And even though it feels hard to control yourself in that moment, if you want to be able to change it, it cannot be your child's responsibility in any realm of any level. It must come back down to you. Which can feel painful to sit with in all reality. We know accountability feels painful and it has a sting to it and we have to again shift our mentality about that too. Because we're thinking, oh, because this feels hard or because this feels painful. It must Be wrong. So I'm going to try and escape it. No, no. It can feel hard and painful and be right. It's not a bad thing. That accountability feels hard to take. That actually means you're doing it right. That means you understand the severity that comes with controlling yourself and really what it looks like in the grand scheme of your life, how important it is to do so. That's the weight you're feeling. So in. In this messaging of it's my son taking things in the wrong direction, I would like to bring clarity to that, that this message is showing the makes me mindset and we can correct the way we are showing up before our kids ever change anything that they're doing. We can correct and empower and enrich the way we're showing up while they continue doing the same things. Because our kids don't make us. They don't make us laugh, they don't make us angry, they don't make us happy, they don't make us proud. Like, there's no responsibility that your kids have to make you someone that you want to be. That is entirely on you or someone you don't want to be. That's not on them. That's on you every single time. So if we just shifted the mindset behind this question and the question came down to when things don't go the way that I'm hoping, what do I do next? And next and next. If he keeps going that way, we can be who we want to be no matter what our kids are doing, no matter how they respond to a script you attempted to use or if they. If it's something random in the moment and there's no script that you're trying to use. You just want to be a positive presence, a calm presence, a calm authority in that room. It's on you, not them. 100% on you. You don't need them to change before you do. And the cool thing about change that I have personally experienced repeatedly and I've seen and I've witnessed in other women and just in people in life in general. As soon as you change or someone in your life changes, everything else is forced to change, too. If you communicate differently with your kids, you've disrupted the pattern and now their brain is challenged to figure out what to do next. They can try and continue doing what they typically do, the arguing, the joking around, the sarcasm. And their brain's going to learn very quickly. Wait, I'm not getting the responses that I'm predicting I'm going to get when I do this thing. So I need to figure out what to do instead. And in this approach with arguing, joking, and sarcasm, your kids are just trying to get something. In every form of communication, we're just trying to get something. And even with the makes me mindset, that's part of the victim mentality, we're trying to get something that our brain is magnificent at, learning how to get what we want. And sometimes we learn unhealthy ways that work to get what we want, and they just have really negative consequences that it would be better for us to find the healthy way to get what we want that has more positive consequences that we feel better about living with and looking at it as a whole like that. So if we shift out of the makes me mindset and really look at this question, it's, I want to be able to remain aligned with the mom I want to be. Even if my son resorts to arguing or joking or being sarcastic, I want to hold myself to this standard and see myself do this specific thing, which would be unique to what Katie wants for her motherhood. And we have. We have freedom to decide that for ourselves. But if you don't want to find yourself arguing, it's not because your son is arguing mostly. Like we say, he's arguing mostly. Arguing requires at least two people. It only works if someone else is involved. So we are arguing mostly. Not just him. We are arguing mostly. He's joking around. Okay, that makes a lot of sense if he's feeling the accountability that comes especially in the scripts. I provide lines of questioning to your kids, puts accountability back on them. If accountability is a new experience for them, meaning you guys are implementing it a little bit later on. And there's been a different dynamic, a different flow that's going to feel uncomfortable for them at first. It's going to feel uncomfortable for adults. I ask adults questions that puts accountability back on them, just like in this podcast episode. And it feels uncomfortable. And I want to be someone that has a tremendous amount of grace for the way people try to dodge accountability, because it's not that they don't want to be responsible for their life or have ownership or have empowerment. That's not why they're doing it. They just are interpreting this internal feeling that they have when this question is asked as a bad thing. And I would love to be someone that models and teaches. It is a really good thing that you feel that way. And scripts are never going to provide that. You're never going to have a perfect script that replaces connection and observations. Being able to really Observe what matters more in that moment. Like, yes, they're speaking disrespectfully and do I really want to use the script right now or do I want to be. Be really curious about what's happening underneath that that's causing this disrespectful communication? Just this morning with my son, he. They wanted to build magnet tiles and he gave himself probably 75% of the magnet tiles. And then he gave one of his brothers probably 10% and then the other one about 15% and he had definitely the majority. And the other two brothers felt really upset by that and they start fighting over it because it's not fair and he always gets the most and blah, blah, blah. So I come into the room and my oldest did speak disrespectfully to me and I could have used a script in that moment. What I observed, though, what I observed was this is a better time to teach this lesson and idea of fairness more than I want to focus on the way he's talking to me. Yes, that is very important and I have solutions for that. So first we focused on regulation because he kicked some magnet towels away. He was speaking disrespectfully for me, to me. And intellectually, he's offline. Like, the logic is gone. Now he's in this react, this highly emotional reactive state. He just needs an outlet for what he's experiencing, what he's feeling. So I directed him to choose between running up our hill on our street or doing 20 burpees. Those are your choices. And my kids thoroughly understand we talk about this every single day. The importance of controlling yourself. So, so if you have a big emotion that feels difficult to control, you are responsible for having a proper outlet for that emotion before deciding how you're going to interact with other people. It's okay to feel angry. It's okay to feel these intense feelings. It's still your responsibility, what you do with them. And there is always a way to help yourself feel better while keeping everyone else safe. Kicking down magna towels, screaming in people's faces, calling names, hitting siblings, whatever it is, those are all hurtful to other people. They're damaging to relationships, they're dangerous in environments, so they're inappropriate. Channeling it appropriately, you can still have intensity and get all those emotions regulated. Help your body feel safe again. It's about safety. Feel safe again and then rejoin an actual conversation. So my point in sharing this is I directed him towards regulation even though I could have used a script and he would have known what to say in that Script. And he probably would have said it. It's just not what he needed. It's not what he needed. He needed to regulate those emotions and then be invited to come back. And then, honestly, I didn't want to use that opportunity to teach about kind communication and choose to do this. Like, I didn't want to use the opportunity for that. I wanted to use the opportunity to teach a lesson about fairness. Because he desires fairness when someone else is dishing it out. When I'm dishing it out right when I'm giving everyone a cookie, he wants to make sure he got the same amount of cookies as all of his brothers. Well, it's also important that you hold yourself to that same standard when it's time to give. When you're receiving, you want it all to be fair. When you're giving, you want to give less. Well, that's wrong. Generosity is an important value in my family. So again, we took it back to a conversation about our values, which is fairness out of generosity. We want to give all that we can still have plenty for you and really consider all the other people. So we had a great visual because we have magnetiles. And I stacked them up and I kept everything just as he had it so he could see this was the tower. This stack you gave yourself, this is what you gave your two younger brothers. Five year old. So I had three stacks and his stack was towering in the middle. And then there was a shorter stack to the left and an even shorter stack to the right. And I told him, this is how you divided this out. You had this one and this one you gave to this brother, and this one you gave to this brother. Now I want you to imagine that mommy was giving these out and this is how I set it up. And I was going to give you the smallest tower and your other brother this tower and this brother that tower. How would you feel? Said angry and frustrated. It's not fair. And I said, okay, so it makes sense to you then that your two other brothers feel angry and frustrated and like it's not fair because they're experiencing the same exact thing. The only difference is you're getting the biggest tower. So how can we split this up that all of you? All of you can like what you get. And we made the towers level, all three of them. Magna tiles are a wonderful way to have a visual. We made all three of these level towers. And yes, it did require him to give more. And he had the most to give. You have the most to give, sweetheart. And in terms of The Magna tiles, we have plenty for it, to be fair. So taking it back to a lesson around the generosity, the real value of our family, and that comes back to me of in any opportunity that I'm taking to teach with my kids, and I want to be able to provide guidance or teach a lesson or have an emphasis on a specific thing, I look at it as one focus per moment. One focus. So if I walk into a room with my kids and let's say it's the Magna towel, as example from this morning, and there's Magna towels going on, and let's say none of them made their beds yet, there's a bunch of other stuff put out. The other brother took everything off the hangers in the closet and the chairs tipped over and the books are scattered. Well, if I try to call attention to the way they're treating each other with these magnetiles and their beds not being made and everything pulled out of the closet and the books scattered all over the floor and the chairs tipped over and there's stickers on the wall, if I do all of that, how will my kids keep track of what my point actually is? How will I keep track of what my point actually is? I want my kids to be able to lock in on the one thing that is most important for me to teach in that moment. And I would encourage anyone listening to this. In moments like this, where you're experiencing something, like I did this morning, or in Katie's example here of the way our. The way her son's communicating, have one focus for the moment, just one. You have plenty of time to teach everything that's valuable to you, to your kids. If you continuously bury values and lessons with all this clutter, all these extra words, your kids will have heard so much from you and retained nothing. We really want our kids to be able to retain what it is that we are emphasizing. So there can only be one real emphasis in those moments. And as a mom, I experience that to be a tremendous, like, reduction of stress. I feel so much more confident and clear walking into any situation, in any room that I'm going in, because I know I'm just going to focus on one thing. It is irrelevant to me what the room looks like and what else is going on, and if they're still in their pajamas and if they ate their bread, like all that's irrelevant in that moment. There's only one thing for me to focus on and teach, and that feels relieving. Maybe sometimes you're feeling really overstimulated because you have taught yourself you need to focus on everything all at once, and that is wrong, that's false. You can just focus on one thing at a time. And because the lessons will retain better, the values will really be caught when you focus on one thing at a time. The compound effect of trying to address everything at once and then everything continues on because nothing was learned, that resolves itself. So in this example with Katie, number one, we want to switch out of the makes me mindset. You are in control of you. You get to decide how you respond, what you teach, what you focus on. No matter what your son is doing, arguing takes at least two people. So if we have observed, he'll argue mostly the accountable way to say that is I argue with him mostly. If he sets the bait, I take it, he sets the trap, and I walk into it. He positions the argument and I entertain it. When we phrase things with that ownership perspective now, we see everything we can change. Sure, he can set a trap and I'm aware of what it is, and we'll skip it. Sure, he can bait me. Go ahead all you want. I know exactly what your bait looks like, and I am so far above taking that bait. I know exactly how I want to communicate with you. And that bait is so disinteresting to me. There is no attraction anymore for me to take that bait now that I understand what it really is and remember, grace upon grace, we are all doing the best we can to our mental and physical capacity. That goes for our spouses, our children, and ourselves. And in this pursuit to do the best that we can, as we make observations of what it is that we're doing, we want to see ourselves improve. Doing the best you can doesn't mean that you're stuck. It doesn't mean, oh, this is the best I'm ever going to do. No, in that moment, for what you know, you are doing the best you can. So everything, every interaction Katie's had with her son in the last 11 years, everyone involved is doing the best they can. And as we know better, we do better, we learn more, we implement more. So with arguing, we turn that into that accountability. I argue with him mostly with the joking around. We've entertained jokes as a way to escape, Escape accountability, escape the difficulty, escape the focus. We've entertained joking that's been allowed the sarcasm to. Or joke around or be sarcastic with sarcasm. Again, where's. Where's the accountability there? Like, yes, that's how he's choosing to communicate. And this has been an ongoing pattern because maybe sarcasm's gotten the spotlight right? Rather than what's going on underneath it. Why is he using it and calling your attention to that rather than calling attention to sarcasm? That's like when your kids roll their eyes, am I going to call so much focus and attention to rolling their eyes or am I going to consider that something that is a behavior that's gonna work itself out? He's gonna stop doing that because I'm going to teach him just how respectful and kind and compassionate and considerate he is as a human being. And as he realizes that to be true about himself and I just, wowza. Multiply that. I call all of my attention onto his respectful behavior to teach him that he's respectful, he will stop rolling his eyes all on his own. All on his own. They're doing what they think works to get what it is that they want. When you understand what your kids want, you can skip the back and forth of what it is that they're doing and just go straight to that. Teach them the better way to get what they want. They the healthy way. We have, all of us, we talked about that. We all have unhealthy ways of getting what we want. The goal is to start learning what is it that I really want and what is the healthy way to get that. And teaching your kids that initially so that they can skip some of the things that we have experience with. And then the makes me laugh part or make me laugh when I'm trying to be serious. And we say lol. However, is it funny? Is it funny that you believe your brain? Your brain has given you a belief system that your child can make you laugh when you want to be serious, when you want to teach a value, when you want to teach a principle, when you want to teach a good lesson, when you want to connect with them over something that's really important. If we have this belief system that they can make us laugh when we want to be serious, we are going to feel powerless, helpless and hopeless. And then we're going to use the laughter to escape too, rather than really facing it head on. Setting the type of example and modeling what we wanna see done really well in our family as just a family culture and standard. And we can absolutely accomplish that. It's just the makes me mentality in the way and it's so sneaky the way it presents itself. So I wanna dedicate this episode to all of us. Really thinking about this makes me mentality and how it's showing up. And she said mainly my question is, you know, what do I do next and next and next. If it keeps going that way, the answer to this is not what I suggest. Oh, here's how you would use a different script. Here's the next thing to say while I can help guide in just better use of vocabulary. Making sure you're pausing right. The guidance of focus on one thing in a moment. Let, let one moment be about one thing. I can give guidance on that. Katie knows the best way to communicate with her son. She knows what matters to him. She knows who he wants to be as a person. I, I don't have that information. Katie does. So what Katie needs is to be empowered to remain in alignment with the mom that she wants to be in any circumstance with her son. If her son resorts to arguing well, if she's in alignment with the mom that she wants to be, does she argue? Does she entertain that? Does she entertain sarcasm? Give it her a focus. Her focus and attention. Does she laugh? Her son can try try to turn something into humor and he would be confirmed that it worked with her laughter. He could try. And if you give him no confirmation, then his mind learns what it is that you want him to learn, which is this is a serious matter. We have values as a family and it is always important to maintain those values. You are accountable to who you are and how you choose to show up. Everything that you choose to do, you are responsible for. And if we. That's the other thing about the makes me mindset that I feel so empowered about is if I model taking complete responsibility, ownership and accountability for myself. Anytime my kids say, well, he's making me mad, which they totally do. And it's just a natural way of viewing things cause and effect. He's causing me to feel this way. Well, no, what you think about him right now is causing you to feel this way because your other brother can do the exact same thing and you think it's funny. So it's not anyone else's responsibility to ensure that you feel a certain way. That's on you. What skills do we need to acquire? What tools can we implement? What perspectives can we have? Who can we view ourselves as on a level of identity that changes the entire way we feel in this room, in this moment, with our sibling, with our parents and empowering our kids with that. And because that's the, that's the way I carry myself when my kids bring up makes me and it's pretty obvious when they're doing it because they just flat out say, oh, he's making me mad. He made me hit him my that's my five year old to a T. He'll say I have to give him the payback. Goodness. Do you know, did Jesus tell us to pay people back or did Jesus say to forgive? Did Jesus say to hold yourself to a higher standard, to live above reproach? Oh, that's what Jesus said. Like, you know, it's just constantly teaching and because I know what's true, I feel very light hearted in these moments of teaching. And I and that's the thing like the fear I have seen how improving my faith, my reliance on God and my spiritual connection and really just emphasizing that in my heart, in my mind, softening my heart and that's completely softened my face. Like all of these things. I can see how I've been able to overcome these fears of well, I don't want my kids to go talk to their grandparents this way or gosh, it'd be so humiliating if they did this out in public or they're going to take this behavior into school or if I don't crack this now, then it's going to look so awful down the road. Like all these fears, gosh, there's so many fears that are being communicated to me around yes. Language. Well, your kids have to be able to hear the word no. They're gonna hear no all throughout their life. And I'm like, you are literally just communicating out of fear. Whereas I'm communicating in such faith that I know who my kids are gonna grow up to be. There is zero doubt in my mind at all of the level of respect, compassion, generosity, humility, faith my kids will have as they get older. And so I parent from a place of faith rather than a place of fear. And that's a, that's an episode for another day. Anyway. Her son makes her laugh and the argue with him and entertain hurtful styles of communication is a choice. That's a choice. It's not a makes me out of your control. You don't need him to change before you two, before you do, you can start getting a clear picture of what you want, how you want to hold yourself and what you want to think about your son when he does these things. And as those things improve and you enrich your communication style, his, his behaviors, his form of communicating with you will change too. If you change, everything else is forced to change too. The other example of makes me that came up that's a little bit more deceitful in our mind. So I wanted to bring both these examples into the makes me Q and A here because One is a little bit more obvious than the other. So Katie's is obvious because it flat out says makes me. And then we have Ashley's question here. She said something I'm struggling with is possibly setting too many boundaries to protect my piece, that I feel guilty that I'm not making their childhood as fun. Now she did say like making their childhood fun. And that's obviously a desired approach we want to take. It's. It's helping us keep in line with our priorities. Something that we want to do. I want to make today count, for example. It changes the way that we want to show up. Rather than something making us behave a certain way, think a certain way, we're looking and charging ourself with making the most out of every moment, making my next word count. And that's authority over self. You're giving yourself a direction rather than trying to control a other people in this process. So what's tricky about this is. Let's read it again. Something I'm struggling with is possibly setting too many boundaries to protect my peace. So the idea behind this is her kids can make her lose sense of peace. So I have to have all these boundaries in place because other people will make me feel a sense of distraught or helplessness, hopelessness, fear rather than the peace that I want. So I have to have all these boundaries in place to try and control everyone else so that I can feel and be the person that I want to be. Which is also false. It is completely false. You can be who you want to be anywhere you go and with anyone you are around. There is something the best version of you would do in every single circumstance you find yourself in. So no matter what your kids are doing, it's excellent to provide structure and guidance and have personal boundaries. It is a failing approach to have these boundaries with our kids disguised as control. That's what we're doing is we're disguising our desire for control with the word boundaries. However, boundaries are only effective when they're personal. That's it. You cannot make someone do what you want them to do just because you set a boundary. And it's such a false idea of empowerment. It's an illusion. It's an illusion of self control. If you need someone to do X so that you can show up as who you want to be, you need them to say these specific words. You need them to stop doing this. You need them to only call you on Sundays at 2:00'. Clock. Like you need them to live by all these rules that you've Set up in order for you to feel in control of who you are, how you show up and how you feel. That's not self control. That's not freedom. Do you feel free? Think about it this way. Do I feel free and at peace just in my home and with my kids and prepared for anything that they do not? If the idea is I need all these boundaries in place to protect my peace, and if we're also feeling guilty for the level of just connection that we're providing in their childhood, how available we are, how maybe whimsical or magical or the amount of awe that we have and we take place in and pardon and participating in their play, that's what I'm considering with like making their childhood as fun. It's not about going on all these trips and spending all this money and la de da like giving them anything that they want. It's truly just living freely. If I felt completely free to do what I want to do as their mother, would I be doing all these things? Would I be prioritizing cleaning up instead of reading the book when they're asking me to read the book, would I be prioritizing? I just. There are so many examples. Just think about it though. If you were truly showing up as the mom that you want to be, would you need all these boundaries in place? Or does the mom you want to be just feel at peace in any room of her home and with any member of her family? And even if she goes to a grocery store and someone makes a hurtful comment or she's on, she's at a family gathering and someone else says something that it's like, well, gosh, why'd you say that? Or they're doing something, they're like, gosh, I really don't like it when they do that. We only control ourselves. And it's totally fine if there's something that bothers you. It's just up to you to do something about it. Do we remove ourselves from the situation? Do we communicate directly and effectively with kindness in order to open up a conversation and see someone else's willingness to participate in improving a circumstance or environment? These are all options available to us. Controlling other people is outside of the category of options available to us. And we feel just so much more empowered when we sit in a real place of self control. You can be exactly who you want to be in any room and in any group. So I would encourage Ashley to consider how there's an underlying belief that her kids can make her lose her sense of peace. Like if they cross these boundaries, if they. If they ask her specific questions, if they bring up certain topics. And that just feeds fear. It creates these ideas that our kids are against us, they're sabotaging us, they're disrupting our peace. Rather than looking internally more to wonder, what is it about this question? Just a collection of words strung together and wrapped up in a question mark. What is it about this question that I feel so unsettled by? And that's just invitation to do some inner work, be free of that, sit with it, really understand it, and free yourself from it. There are incredible ways to do so, and it's available to us through every opportunity that we face. So I wanna wrap up this entire episode with the encouragement for you to recognize where in your motherhood are you giving the power to your kids, the power over you, to your kids, the control over you to your kids. With this sneaky, makes me mindset. We may feel innocent when we use it, and that's why we use it, because we like this feeling of innocence. It's not me, it's them. And that's again, it's an unhealthy way that we've learned to get something that we want or need. And the thing that we want and need can be really good. Connection, support, appreciation, recognition, innocence, relief. The thing that we want can be really good. If we're using an unhealthy approach to get it, though it taints the thing that we want. We're left with guilt, we're left with helplessness, we're left with hopelessness. It's just a broken, broken approach. And I want to help. You have really strong, healthy, empowering approaches to get the things that you want. You can be who you want to be. You can have what you want to have. You can have calm authority in your home. Even if someone else yells. You can have deep levels of respect, even if someone speaks disrespectfully to you. What you want to see most in yourself is what needs to be invited to shine. In the very moments you think you've lost the opportunity, in the very moments you think, oh, I couldn't do that here. That's usually the exact time to do it. It's that time of the this is my chance mentality that I've shared here and taught over the years instead of makes me this is my chance. He's setting up an argument. This is my chance to remain the calm authority, to direct him in the proper style of communication about this specific thing, to provide him with a question to Ask. Rather than an argument to start. This is my chance. Rather than, oh my gosh, here he goes again, making me argue with him. Why does he have to make everything an argument? Oh, he can only try. He can only try. It's us. We are the ones that seal the deal. And there's so much empowerment behind that. So thank you, Katie, and thank you, Ashley, for providing the context and the questions for today's episode. I thoroughly enjoyed bringing some real life examples into how mindset is working out in our lives and what it's doing for us and what it's doing to us and ultimately what we can do about it. So I hope that this helped you all tremendously as well. I'd like to see more of this take place where we can take real life circumstances and see the mindset behind it. So that way you can decide the best way through, because you're the best person to decide those things. When you have a clear vision of who you want to be and what you want your home to feel like and what exactly you want to be able to see yourself do. If the fear was gone, if the judgment was irrelevant and all those scary things of what might happen just stopped flooding your mind, what would you see yourself do? Would you see yourself dance? Would you see yourself listen better? Would you see yourself fighting? Follow structure better in the home? Do more of what is needed and less of what is wanted. Until the need or until the wants catch up with the needs. There's just a fantastic opportunity in your home every single day to be exactly who you want to be. And I wanna see all of us experience that. It's been truly one of the greatest experiences of my entire life and I'm grateful for it every day. So I hope this is helpful for you and I will see you guys really soon with more of these Q and A talks and I'll have a better name for it soon as well.