169. Creating a Fresh Start With Your Kids

Fresh starts are everywhere, friends. It only takes you deciding that today is new and you're completely focused on who you want to be in this day to create a fresh start. Fresh starts are not gifted from and built on your children changing their behavior so that you can, or your spouse coming home in a good mood so that you can relax this evening. And you know, it's not something and someone doesn't need to change or happen before you start showing up as who you want to be. I've told you this repeatedly and I'll just keep saying it for the rest of my life. You can be who you want to be in any room and in any group that you're in and nothing and no one needs to change before you do. So of course I have a story to share to tell you all about fresh starts and new beginnings because I'm totally in one right now, and it's the coolest experience. And it, and it came through a decision that I made. And I feel really grateful that this happened in an interaction with one of my boys who I've shared about several times on the podcast. I've told you guys about my sweet little— gosh, he's 6 now. I've told you about how I used to think that he was so aggressive. And I would say, and I would think and say that he's aggressive. And then I realized that you, that you are statement was truly speaking death over him in the way that I was doing it. It was not speaking life over him. It was not calling him up. It was not showing him, hey kiddo, this is the level of belief that I have in you. And I know that you can rise up and meet it. Like it was just me being in the victim mentality and feeling at a loss with really the, the best approach to the aggression I was seeing. And through this process, I've learned that my sweet guy, he is intense. Like, he has an intensity about him, and that is my version of speaking life over him because he loves intensely too. He plays with intensity. He thinks with intensity. He solves problems with great intensity. And I love it. Like, his focus is what's intense about him, and he likes to see things through to completion and through its entirety and explore the details and things, the intricate details that make up a whole. His mind is just so brilliant at deconstructing things that way. So my little guy is so— is, is intense in the most beautiful way. So it's been a really beautiful way to speak life over him. And I've been working on this really since he probably turned 3 is when I noticed a a big kind of shift in his behavior and attitude. And really, that's the last 3 years. So I just, I do feel a little silly now that I look at the bigger picture, like, wow, I have been dealing with the same exact scenario with my 6-year-old for 3 straight years and We just barely had a huge breakthrough with it because I chose a fresh start. I chose a new beginning and brought that to a very predictable moment that we were in that we've faced together hundreds of times and everything felt new and different. So leading up to this moment though, I was gone the whole previous week at my mastermind retreat and at this mastermind retreat, we're really calling ourselves up as mothers. We're holding ourselves to a higher standard. We're seeing how a accountability and ownership are really the gateway to solutions and to growth and to enthusiasm in life, because that's exactly where you see all the things inside of your control. If you avoid accountability and ownership in your life, then you're constantly looking around trying to figure out who's at fault, and it's always someone other than you. So then there's nothing you can do about these problems that you're in. You just keep on waiting. For other people to change and your circumstances to get better, and you just sit idly in life. And you were not made to sit idly in your life. There is something that makes you you. And until you really allow yourself to live, think, and speak from that place, there's going to be this restlessness in you. And the work— I feel so fortunate to do this work because I feel that the bar is constantly raised for me and I gained so much insight, inspiration from the women that I work with and thus I reciprocate that to them as well. So it's just really cool to be in this position where there is a deep evaluation of, okay, yes, my circumstances can be something that I talk about all day and what's really going to be fruitful is being honest about who I become. In those circumstances. Because I know with my son, especially for the first like 2 years of going through what I was considering an aggressive behavior where he was fighting his younger brother and hurting people. And there was this like aggression and, and that he would bring into these fits that he was throwing. And it seemed like so big and out of my control. And that took my focus for a couple of years. And then I, I just lost sight of how powerful it is for me to see who he really is, even when he goes through something really difficult. And I never understood, like, what was the switch that kind of, like, stepped us into this realm of aggression, or just these, um, where he wanted to start getting payback on people. And, and this, like, this this, um, hurtfulness, like hurting others. That's really, you know, why did it turn into hurting others was what I've been really considering. And in that 2-year stretch, it was just such like a— like I viewed it very negatively about him, and it definitely impacted the way I looked at him and the way that I was speaking to him and the time that we were spending together. What were we spending that time doing? And and my willingness to include him in the things that I was doing. And I, I'm an incredible mother. Like, I know that about myself. I'm a powerful mother. I'm an incredible mother. And it does feel a little sad to think of what the— what that especially 2-year, and really the last 3 years of just misunderstanding him and what that has done, probably for like— yeah, I think it just, it gets you wondering, like, when I look at my son this way and I think of him this way, and thus I speak and treat him this way, what does that do in our home and, and inside of him? Because that's the accountability, that's the ownership part, and that's the part that I do control. So anyway, at the Mastermind Retreat, um, I was personally considering my motherhood and my marriage and where I want to see myself step up and show up better. And I'm listening to everyone else too. And I just like felt so much gratitude and delight for the family that I have. And so the things I wanted to go home and do really well came from this place of just love, just a sincere and deep place of love where I know who the people in my family are and I can envision each of my boys at 30 years old and they're incredible. They're incredible. They are energetic leaders, men full of integrity, spiritually guided, prioritizing their health and speaking, speaking life and truth over other people. And I can see that so clearly in them today. And that always helps me when it comes to like parenting on a daily basis is to look at my boys as who they're going to be, who they're becoming, rather than just the outcome that we're in right now and the behavior that I'm seeing right now. I call them up in character and I call them up in values and that's what I do, right? So at this retreat, I was gone for the week and I come home and it was— there was just like this whole series of events coming home. I was functioning on 3 hours of sleep because I just was in it to win it the last night with some girls. And then I wanted to be up early to see them off. So I made the conscious decision to get less sleep. And then I had a lot of driving on Sunday. So about 5 hours of driving and, um, I'm finally back with my boys. So on Monday, my family's back home together. My husband's out doing his training and I was home with the boys and my sweet husband was home with the boys while I was at the retreat and things in the home are going to be ran differently when, when he's running it compared to when I'm running it. So I'm extremely grateful for how he did things and, you know, just the opportunity to step away and do something that elevates me as a person. Um, and I'm grateful that that's my profession and to spend that time with other women. And I do fully anticipate coming home to some things just out of order and out of my order. I That's a better way to say it, out of my order, done differently than I would have done them, obviously, because I wasn't there. So it's going to be done differently. So I had a wonderful attitude and just kind of told myself like this whole next week is just hitting the reset button and reassessing and reorganizing my home and making it the way that I want it to be because now I'm here. So in that process, I was doing a lot of cleaning on Monday and again, like just delight to do it. So I'm doing all this cleaning on Monday, and I had told my boys that they can play this learning app on my phone. It's called Homer, if you have ever heard of Homer. I love Homer. We've been using it for years. So each of my boys have, um, a little profile on Homer on my phone, and I did tell them like, yeah, of course you guys can, you know, each have 15 minutes on Homer. And then it was That's what they were doing. And then they— I was cleaning one of their rooms and I was picking up all the cars and they have this big cars collection going on. So I had a couple of cars in my hand and then I hear some conflict happening at the fridge. Now, mind you, I am functioning on very little sleep because even Sunday night, uh, went to bed at 2:30. Our travel was like, we hit a couple storms and anyway. So I'm, I'm functioning on very little sleep. My home is in a completely different state than it would have been if I were to be home this whole last week caring for it. And my husband was gone and I've got my 4 boys and there are definitely things that I want to get done on this Monday that I've focused my mind on. And I hear this conflict happening at the fridge and I know exactly who's doing it. I know exactly who's involved. It's my 2 middle guys, my 2 middle boys. Little guys, uh, so my 6-year-old and almost 4-year-old. And I hear like them kind of pushing each other out of the way and this, this whiny, 'Oh, that's not fair, and you took that from me.' And like, I just remembered like everything I just experienced this last week is stronger than how I feel right now. And my narrative in my mind is renewed and my mind is transformed and I know exactly the way in which I want to handle this. Now that was my self-talk and I didn't actually know what I was going to do next. I just knew like, okay, it's time for me to speak life over myself. It's time for me to call myself up because there's just never a good reason to be mean or match the energy of a child that you want them to change that energy. So if I go in there and just contribute to the conflict, how am I any better than the person that started it or extended it? I'm, I am, I'm contributing to the conflict just as much as the person that started it is my perspective. So I spoke life over myself. I called myself up, used the leadership language. These are all things that we were literally doing at the retreat. And then I approached the situation still unsure what I was gonna do. Like, there was no, like, clear, I'm gonna do this right now and it's gonna work so well, and this is exactly what I would do as the mother that I want to be. The, the— nope, the clarity was gone. Did that— in that degree, the clarity was gone. There was no, like, oh, I've mentally rehearsed this moment in my writing and I'm ready. Not that to that extent. It was just, I'm ready to see myself be who I want to be. So I'm going to get there. I'm going to put myself in the position and I just, I just believe in myself to rise to the occasion. And that is true. So I got there, I step out into the hall and I say my sweet guy's name. I say, Luke. And he steps away from the fridge and comes in line with me in the hallway. And he says, what? And I still was like, That's a good question. Like, what? What? Yeah, good question. And I just looked down at my hands, glanced down again, trying to figure out what the— what I'm gonna say next. And I noticed that there's two cards in my hand, and I just asked him, do you want to come play cards with me? And those words coming out of my mouth is extremely surprising because I've convinced myself really for the last 3 years, I don't like playing cars. I think playing cars is boring. I feel extremely tired when I lay on the ground and just talk for the cars and like drive them all these places and make these rumbling engine noises and vrooming noises and like try to race the cars on the carpet. Like, I feel very tired when I do that. So I've just convinced myself literally for the last 3 years that I don't like to play cars because I found that out because my 6-year-old son has asked me to play cars with him for the last 3 consecutive years. Although it's been much less this past year, from the year 5 to 6 years old, he asked me far less frequently if I would play cars with him. But years 3 to 5, it was like every day he was asking me to play cars with him. And I see these cars in my hand. I know that he loves cars and I just ask him, Do you want to come play cars with me? And you should have seen the look of stump, stump and surprise on his face, like, what? It was so sweet. He goes, uh, yeah, okay. Says okay. So we go into the room and I've got my little cars that I had, was cleaning up and now laid out because now they're my cars to play with. And he goes to the car rack that a lot of these cars, and he chooses 3, and then he lays— he sits in front of me, lays his cars out in front of mine, and we just play cars the way that we used to play cars when he was 3 years old. And this goes on for probably less than 10 minutes, just playing cars, our little vroom vroom, make their engine noises, which one's stronger. And we were doing like funny tricks. I had my two and I had a monster truck as one of my cars. So I would make the car drive on the monster truck's tires. And my son was doing— we were basically just taking turns doing tricks with the cars that we had. And mostly I just wanted to spend time with him because at the mastermind I did, I really missed my boys. And coming home from being gone for several days, I expect, and I truly just expect and anticipate my boys to show me that they missed me and they did the best they could while I was gone. And maybe there's some emotion that got pent up or some thoughts that got pent up, or maybe they feel frustrated that I was even gone that long. And the communication is just difficult to get across when you have a limited vocabulary. So I just expect to see it in their behavior. Anytime I leave, I'm like, oh yeah, you may not tell me all the ways that you felt and all the things that you thought. You will show me though. Like, behavior is excellent feedback. So I just considered what happened at the fridge just a form of feedback. And we're playing these cards together, and then about 10 minutes in— I wasn't looking at the clock or anything, I'm just guessing— my son says, oh, hold on, and he goes and gets our bucket of Magna-Tiles, and he brings those in, and then we start building Magna-Tiles. Now, Magna-Tiles is something I can get very jazzed about. I love Magna-Tiles. I love building Magna-Tiles. I think it's very therapeutic and fun and I just love the creative build whatever you want out of these. So I built a car wash and my son builds this little garage thing. And again, we're just like playing together with these cars and Magna-Tiles. And now about 20 minutes has passed, I would guess. And then my 4-year-old comes into the room. So it's me and my 6-year-old. And then my, my 4-year-old comes in who he had the conflict with at the fridge. And my son immediately looks annoyed that his brother's there. And I say, oh, hey there, Drewbie. You want to come play cars with us? We're just building magnetos, playing cars. And then my 6-year-old goes, don't break it. And to his credit, My sweet Drewbie guy is excellent at gaining the attention of others at most means necessary. So if he's got to break something, hide something, sneak something to get your attention, he'll do it. He's what he is truly the most clever child that I have ever met. And he's taught me so much and I'm so grateful. And anyway, my 6-year-old goes, don't break it. And I just say, sweetheart, tell him what to do. You're giving him the idea to break it. And this is just what I teach in the Yes! Family Flipbook. This is what I teach in Yes! Mom Campus. Like our words are so powerful in guiding other people's attention and helping them decide what they're going to do next. Giving them the kind of ideas you want them to act on. Basically, words are powerful. So I just tell my son, tell him what you want him to do. Take away the idea of wrecking it and give him an idea. That helps him build it or play with you the way that you'd like him to play with you. So he just says, okay, Drew, hold this car and drive it on this magnet like this, because we had built a little road. And he takes his sweet little hand and puts it on his brother's sweet little hand, and they hold the car together, and he teaches him like exactly what he was talking about. And I just sat there like really taking it in. That just to see him willing to teach his brother in this kind and gentle way was a huge win for me as a mom to witness. And I just told him like, that's a wonderful way to teach someone, great job. And then we go about our way playing. Well, a couple minutes later, my sweet 4-year-old did indeed break all of our magnet tiles. You know, there's just something about being almost 4 that temptation still has its way with you and curiosity wins out and you just, you just want to see what happens if you wreck it. Like you just, that's that. I just, that's the way I genuinely consider it. Like it's not to hurt somebody. It's just so challenging that once the idea is in your mind to leave it and to get it out, especially when you're almost 4. And obviously my 6-year-old felt very frustrated by that. He just said, "See, I knew he was gonna break it." And I just said, "Oh sweetheart, you're right. He did break it down. And I had such a wonderful time building it with you that I'd love to build it back up together." And it's like his shoulders just came down and we were really connecting. Just really connecting. And he had said like, well, I'm just going to go paint. And I was like, okay, you can go paint instead. And I loved that, you know, about 30 minutes into this whole interaction, now we're at a point where I'm going to get back to cleaning. He wants to paint and I'm going to start dinner here soon. So it just felt like that was a nice little break in my cleaning and operating on very little sleep. Like, yay, we're winning. So I leave the room and I start cleaning up again. And then my 6-year-old gets out the paper and the paint like he said he would. And he said, Mom, I'm going to paint you a portrait. I was like, you are? Like, that sounds so kind. Thank you. And I said, I'm excited to see it. And he painted me a picture of— I have peonies from my garden in a vase on the table. And he painted a picture of a vase with 2 peonies in it. And it was just for me. And then he signed his name at the bottom. And then he wanted to tape it to the wall. And I just felt so special. I told him, I was like, I just feel so special that you painted that for me, and you know how much I love peonies, and you chose to paint the peonies in my vase that I love, and now I get to keep the peonies forever in this picture. And that just felt so special. So then I go about making dinner, and the evening passes, and then, you know, we get to bedtime, and my husband was doing his training, so he was still gone. And it was, it was time to put my 4 boys to bed. And I put the baby to sleep. Well, I go to put the baby to sleep and I tell the 3 other boys who share a room to wait for me, read books quietly in bed, wait for me, and I will be back when the baby's asleep. I will be back. And I go to put the baby to sleep. And normally, like, 4 minutes into that is when I would see, when I would hear the conflict. Like, normally I would hear some yelling, uh, just obvious, like some loud thuds, like someone got pushed or something. And this time I only heard one little person making noise. I only heard the footsteps of what I knew to be my 4-year-old. I'm like, he's out running around in the house. Like, what is he doing running down the hallway? And my other boys were very quiet. I was like, well, that's really surprising. Like, this is like a first time for us. This is very surprising. So I get the baby to sleep and I go into the room and then I see my 6-year-old at the car— at the cars on the wall. So he is not doing what I had asked because I had asked him to sit in bed quietly to read a book, which he was doing when I left the room. And I say, what are you doing, sweetheart? He said, oh, Drew knocked all the cars off the car rack, so I'm just cleaning them up for you. Again, I felt so special. I was like, oh my, thank you so much. Like, you're right, I, I cleaned everyone's rooms today, and, and that was just a really thoughtful thing to do. So thank you for being so thoughtful. And I noticed that the sound machine was unplugged, so my 4-year-old also unplugged the sound machine, and he, um, was just running around through the house. And I'm like, okay, everyone, let's come back in here. And it was just like this, like on this unfolding of excellent choices since the afternoon when we played cars together. And before any of this, I forgot to say this, before any of this, before I even left the room to start cleaning up again and make dinner, I had told my son, I said, you know, I just think it's really special that you chose to come play cards with me when I asked instead of playing the game on my phone with your brothers? Like, I just, I, I love that you chose to play with me instead of the phone. And he said, were you expecting me to say a no, like, to playing? And were you expecting me to go play the Homer instead? And I was like, honestly, yeah, because it's a game on the phone. I just, I thought that's what you would choose. So it really surprised me, and I thought it was really special that you played cards with me. So just thank you for choosing me. And, um, I said, well, what were you expecting me— what were you expecting from me? What were you expecting would happen when I had asked, when I had called your name in the hallway? And he said, to be in trouble. And that kind of like hit me as a mom. I'm like, oh, my son, like, when I call his name, is he just thinking that he's going to be in trouble? And obviously in that circumstance, he knew that he was doing something wrong, so It makes sense. And I just said, well, why do you think I would call your name and you would be in trouble? He said, because Drew and I were fighting at the fridge. I said, oh, I see. Yeah, I heard that too. I just called your name though because I wanted to spend time with you. I wanted to play cards together. And he gave me this big hug and he was just truly just doting on me the rest of the evening and, and thinking of me and and just truly like lifting up our family through his thoughts and his words and his behavior. And I was extremely grateful. And after I get my boys, all my boys to sleep, I go to bed that night and I'm just thinking like, what was it that created such a desire in him and will to cooperate with me and with our family? Like, what was it that led him to teach his 4-year-old brother with kindness on his hand? And what was it that got him wanting to paint me that picture and clean up the cars and lay in bed and read his book just like I had asked? And you know what, what was it? I was just racking my brain and I realized it was playing CARS. It was playing CARS. And I thought about the last 3 years and how much my son had asked me to play cars with him and how many times I said, oh, we can do that later. Or, oh, mommy just feels really tired right now. Like, I'd be happy to build Legos with you or build Magna-Tiles, but I'd always just in a kind way say no to cars. And even using yes language, I would just say yes to something else, which meant no to cars. And I just think about like the last 3 years, the difference I've seen in his behavior and the difference mostly in his behavior with the brother directly underneath him, because with his older brother, it's a completely different relationship. And with the baby, he is, I mean, the gentle giant, like the baby could do anything to him and he just giggles and thinks it's the best thing. So I'm like, why is it like this with the 4-year-old? And I think that's really it. I just— it's playing. It's as simple as playing Cars. I really believe that moving forward, seeing the relationship between my 6- and 4-year-old blossom into something just as beautiful as what he has with his older brother and his baby brother is going to be like— Cars is the conduit to that because it's when my son loves that connection time with me. It's when he He really just connects differently, and he's been asking— and this is where I just feel like the answer has been right in front of me for 3 consecutive years. And it's just in the last year that he's asked me far less to play cars with him. But like, why is that? Why has he asked me less to play cars with him in the last year? Oh, maybe because I just constantly said no to playing cars for 2 consecutive years. Like, I feel like I can count on one hand the amount of times that he asked me to play cards. And in that moment, I said, yeah, let's do it. And it's that simple. Like, all of the kindness and cooperation and, and leadership that I want to see in him is right on the other side of 20 minutes of playing cards. If that, if that is how fruitful it is to just play cards with the dude, I think it's extremely worth it. I'm gonna play Cars every day, really. And it also got me thinking though of how many times I've seen just promoted socially for moms, like, well, it's okay if that's just not your thing, and you don't have to like do every— everything that your kids want to do and play with them in the ways that they ask you to play with them. Like, you're your own person and you have things that you like, and it's important for them to learn that not everybody likes to play the way that they like to play. And I think subconsciously I bought into that messaging. Like, consciously it sounds bizarre to me, but subconsciously I accepted the justification and saw how my life was easier when I accept that. My life is just easier when I get to say it's all right if I just say no to cars, and you know, I'll, I'll do other things with him, I'll include him into different things, but like It doesn't have to be the one thing that he asked me to do with him consistently. It doesn't— I don't have to do that. So I think subconsciously that messaging really infiltrated my mind and my motherhood, and I feel extremely grateful that he's only 6 years old and I'm figuring it out now how valuable it is to really listen to what my boys are asking me to do with them and see see that there is, there's an abundance of growth and love and cooperation and unity on the other side of doing that one thing that they've asked. And I wanted to turn this into a podcast episode because I just really can see how other moms may be doing the same thing that I was doing and may feel at a loss like I did with one of their kids' behaviors. And I'm telling you, I didn't feel at a loss once after we played cards together. There was nothing that was, what do I do with that? Or why is he treating this person this way? It was just, he was so loving. My— and that's it. Like, he is just such a loving person. He's a loving person. He has— I tell him he has a heart of justice. He loves to make sure that things are fair and equal for all. And then it's just about learning character and values to help guide that sense of justice, so that way we stay out of this idea of revenge and the payback. And that's just part of learning though. And having a heart of justice is a really beautiful thing, and I want that to stay in him. And you know, it's just— I just want to encourage everyone to consider when you're listening to this episode, what is it that one of or all of my children ask me to do with them that I frequently and consistently decline? I decline the invitation or I replace it with something else, but I don't do the thing that they asked. And really just think about that even further. If, if you ask your kids every day to unload the dishwasher in the morning, would it at all be acceptable for them to say, you know, Mom, unloading the dishwasher just isn't my thing. I just, I, I would just rather like play with my toys over there, so I'm just gonna play with my toys, but you can unload the dishwasher. That's like, that's literally the same thing as me saying the Cars thing, like, you know, sweetheart, playing Cars just isn't my thing, but, um, unloading the dishwasher is, so you can play Cars over there and I'll unload the dishwasher. What's he really asking for in playing Cars together? To share in something that he loves, to share in something that he enjoys. To invite me into his world of creativity and imagination. And that is where connection and bonding happens. Like, that's— that is just with children, that is where it happens. And now I see that. I really believe, I really believe that things would look so different between my 6-year-old and 4-year-old if I had just played cars with him over the last 3 years. I, I full-heartedly believe it, and I'm grateful that things are the way that they are now because, like I was saying at the beginning of this episode, a fresh start is a decision that an individual makes. It takes two to argue. Yes, you can only participate in an argument if you are in it with somebody else. That's where an argument takes place. Takes two to argue. A fresh start requires one, one individual with the courage to say I'm trying again. I'm trying different. I'm rising up. I'm speaking life. Like I'm raising the bar for myself. That's a fresh start. So I am the individual deciding on the fresh start. This is a new day. It's my fresh start. And as a mother, from this day moving forward, anytime my child asks me to do that thing that he loves with him, I'm doing it. I have a very little amount of time left with my boys in such close proximity to me. And this much time with them that I'm going to make the most of it. And you better believe I'm going to look back on my motherhood with littles and I'm going to say, I love the way I spent my time. I love the way I gave them my attention. I love the focus that I maintained. I'm going to do that. 18 years does not sound long to me. And with my 6-year-old, that's 12 more. And you know, they start to really like step into independence much sooner than 18. I'm about to have an 8-year-old this year. And I just, I see the responsibility that I have to instill these things right now. And if I really want my kids to come to me and I really want them to step up in the family and to live and live out these values with me that I, that I say to them and I live out myself. But if I really want these things, this closeness and unity and for their bonds to be so beautiful for the rest of their life, it does require me. It does require me to do the things that they enjoy. Stop letting myself off the hook just because I think playing cards is boring. That is a very immature reason to not play cards. It's selfish. It's immature. And it's completely, it's completely silly. When you realize how wonderful things are on the other side of 20 minutes of doing what your child enjoys doing with you, not what you enjoy doing with them, but what does your child enjoy doing with you? They are just these blooming flowers in the home. They're so generous. They're so creative. They're so lighthearted when we do that. And that's exactly what I've experienced since since Monday, and I've just been running with it because I've claimed a fresh start, marked it. Today's the day. So I'm encouraging you to do the same thing. Mark your fresh start. Realize that the things that you want to see in your kids, you want to see more of in your kids, is not going to come through something harmful and aggressive and cutting off that source of love from you. And I know that can sound like, are you sure? Because these other people are saying this, that, the other. And I was told that we're supposed to spank, and I was told that I'm supposed to yell or send them away or call them these mean names so that they experience the shame or the guilt, and that will teach them to stop doing it. And if you're sticking out— if you're sticking around here with me and you're interested in the way that I do things, I'm not listening to that stuff. I'm really not. I, I believe love is the answer. How well can we love? How unconditional can we love? How selflessly can we love? Can you grow your love in maturity? And it's— I just, I found it to be a very beautiful thing and a very amazing thing when I just focus on loving my kids as well as I can and speaking life over them, especially in the difficulty. And first thing in the morning, in the middle of the day, planting those little seeds when they do something really well, and calling them up and speaking life over them when they make the wrong choice. Because they're going to, going to make the wrong choice. And so am I. Absolutely. 3 years of saying no to cars. I just feel silly. Like, seriously, the answer has been right in front of my face this entire time. And how many podcast episodes have I done about my sweet 6-year-old's behavior? And the whole time, I truly believe the answer has been to play cars with him. And I have learned so much in the last 3 years by refusing to play cards with him, obviously I've gained so many lessons from it. So I'm still extremely grateful that things have played out the exact way that they have. My son, I love him so much and we have such a wonderful relationship and now I just feel really excited to see him blossom on his own and with less of my instruction and correction just by playing cards with him. That's what I'm really looking forward to. So if you're in a point where you're just like, oh my, the answer has been right in front of me this whole time, it's as simple as building in the dirt with them, or playing cars, or building the Magna-Tiles, or playing Legos, like the— or going out and building the fort out of the wood, right? Whatever that thing is that they just light up doing, they just feel so wonderful and peaceful doing that thing. And they've invited you into that, and you've said no to cooking with them, or baking with them, coloring, writing, reading, anything. Like, it really For my 6-year-old, it's playing cars. That's what I know. So, you know, your kids best. Think about what are they asking me to do that I have said is boring. I don't like it. I'm disinterested in it. And I've let myself off the hook from doing it. Do you understand how many things you ask your kids to do that they think is boring? They're disinterested in it. And when it comes to a child, we say, well, it doesn't matter how they feel about it. They need to do it anyway. But if a mother says, oh, that's just so boring to me, I'm disinterested in it, everyone lets her off the hook. I'm like, would people just stop freaking letting me off the hook, please? I know I removed that word. Grace upon grace, guys. Got a little fired up. You know, what if, what if mothers were held just as accountable as children and the bar was, was set just as high for us as we're setting it for children? It seems a little backwards, seems a little wonky. If anyone should be held to a higher standard and expected more from, it should be me. And that's what I'm doing for myself. I'm calling myself up, speaking life over myself, setting the bar higher, and living out complete accountability and ownership for my part. And my part in this is declining his— declining his invitations to come hang out in his little world with him. And I have learned from that mistake, friends. It's a new day, fresh start moving forward. So I hope this episode reaches you and takes you to a place where you can see yourself be the mom that you want to be, because it is a delightful experience. Delightful. And I will say that my next mastermind group starts this September. We have a retreat for this 6-month group as well. Um, and that's what my coaching looks like moving forward is 6-month masterminds. And, um, my coaches are coaching other mothers through the other courses like Mommy Mindset and Mind Body Alignment. So all of those courses are still very much happening and so fruitful and incredible for mothers doing more self-discovery and healing work. And once you're at a place where you're like, okay, I understand why I do what I do and I've seen some growth in myself and I just want to raise the bar. I want to be called up. I want Tessa Romero in my life to call me up, to speak life over me and to believe in me until I believe in myself that much. Like I want her to show me how much I could believe in myself and then match it. Then that's where my masterminds come in. There's two a year. One is called Good to Great. The other one's called Speak Life. Speak Life starts this September. Good to Great will run again next year. So reach out in the notes below, um, for the show. If you are just wanting somewhere to start, start with the Alignment Journaling Course. That's the absolute best place to start. And then once you've been through the Alignment Journaling Course and you, you've experienced some solid progress and wins there and you're getting just a new glimmer of hope in yourself where you're like, I can actually do this. And I'm hungry for more, that's when we'd call you up to one of our other courses like Yes Mom! Campus, Mommy Mindset, or Mind-Body Alignment. And then from there is the mastermind opportunity. So it's a nice, incredible framework for you to just always know there's, there's more and you're going to keep growing and look how much you get to grow into and how far you get to go. And you will be the woman that loves who she is and owns who she is around anyone she's with and in any room she's in. And nothing and no one needs to change before you do. Believe me, I'm living proof. So I'll see you guys real soon, sweet friends. Um, have a wonderful, wonderful week. Take care.