172. Get Excellent At Doing What You Want | Mindset

Immediately to start out this episode, I'm going to challenge you to do something that might feel extremely uncomfortable. We are both going to say at the same time, I am excellent at doing what I want. That's all you gotta say. I am excellent at doing what I want. 8 words. You've got this. We're gonna do it now. Ready? 1, 2, 3. I am excellent at doing what I want. Okay, you got the most nervous one out of the way, the most uncomfortable one out of the way. Now we're gonna do it again. 1, 2, 3. I am excellent at doing what I want. One more time, just for good measure. Really sit in it, embrace it, take yourself to that belief. Imagine you really believed that you're excellent at doing what you want. What would it sound like coming out of your mouth? How would you feel when you say that? What, what's the way that you light up? Really just embody it for me for a second before we get into this whole episode about it that I have prepared for you. Please just give yourself a chance to really feel it. Ready? 1, 2, 3. I am excellent at doing what I want. Just even feels so good to say. Imagine living from that place on an ongoing basis. If you just knew and you approached every circumstance with a belief that I'm excellent at doing what I want. I genuinely believe this to be true about myself, and I'm excited to share it with you today. So welcome back to the Momset Podcast, friends. I am your host, Tessa Romero, and I get fired up helping you speak and think positively in your home and through all of the goodness that comes from being who you want to be. In any circumstance that you're in, being the person that you want to be around any person that you're with, being who you want to be in any room that you go into. It doesn't matter if it's your in-laws' kitchen or if it's your parents' living room or if it's a date with your husband or the kids' school when the principal calls you, you can be who you want to be no matter where you go and who you're with. And I would love to say that for the rest of my life. So you're going to hear me say it every episode. So this episode is all about being excellent at doing what you want. And it was inspired when I did something that felt very inconvenient and very opposite of what I felt like doing at the time. I was riding our Assault Bike in our basement, trying to adhere to my workout plan for the week. And honestly, I just, I didn't feel like riding the bike, you know, like the times that you tell yourself, oh, I should work out. I should, I should go for that walk. I should ride the bike. I should lift weights. I should drink some water. Like all the shoulds start creeping in. And then we tell ourselves, I don't want to though. I don't want to ride the bike. I don't want to drink water. I don't want to increase my protein. I don't want to speak kindly when my kids are yelling at me. I don't want to give my husband grace when he just overlooked my needs. I don't want to just ask my in-laws how they're doing when they never ask me and they don't show up. Like, I don't want to do these things. And I truly think it's an extremely unfortunate position to find yourself in, talking yourself out of doing things that align with who you want to be and convincing yourself that you don't want to do them. That is fooling yourself. It's trickery in the brain and it's full of distractions and you're living outside of alignment with who you want to be and then blaming that on circumstances. Even sometimes we have the nerve to blame who we're being on our own feelings. Does that just sound wild to you? Doesn't it sound just a little bit wild to say, "Oh, well, I can't be kind and I can't be generous and I can't be gracious because I just feel so angry. I just feel all of this resentment towards my husband, so I can't be kind to him." You're saying that you are— your feelings are stopping you from being who you want to be? That's where the blame's going right now, on your own feelings. That's, to me, wild. It's just wild. So I took the inspiration while riding the Assault Bike and made this podcast episode come to life through some GoodNotes. So like I said, I am excellent at doing what I want. And it's because of 2 things. Number 1, I don't lie to myself. I tell myself the truth. I get really honest with myself really fast. Preferably right away the first time, all the time. I'm going to be as honest as possible with myself, which leads me to the second thing that I am very good at that helps me remain excellent at doing the things that I want to do. And the second thing is I see the bigger picture. The thing that I want most, I see the thing that I want most, more clearly than the thing that I feel like doing right now. I see my health goal, my whole— my goodness, my health goals more clearly and more fully than I feel the craving to eat something that distracts and takes away from those goals. I see the quality of marriage that I want more fully and completely, and I, I see the details of that and who I want to be in my marriage more than I feel like giving a cold shoulder or holding a grudge or mentioning that thing that happened in the past. I see the bigger picture. I stay fixated and focused on the bigger picture. So first, if you want to be excellent at doing the things that you want, you got to do those two things. Number one, remain honest with yourself at all times. Sometimes we do get distracted in silly stories and foolish myths in our head and all this trickery, and we've got to train our brain to be honest. That's okay. If you catch your mind in a lie, just take it back to truth. It's that simple. Instead of attacking yourself and telling your brain, "Oh, you're the worst and you're awful, and I'm never going to get this work to stick," which is just taking your brain further away from the progress, just reward yourself for catching the lie. Wow. I just noticed when my brain was tricking me. I really almost fell for this lie in my head that I don't want to ride the bike and I don't feel like riding the bike, but that's not true. I just caught that. Wow. Way to go. I'm clearly getting better at this. I'm getting stronger at this. Being able to call yourself up is a life skill. It's a communication skill. It's a mindset skill. It's a relational skill, social skill. This is something that will improve the quality of your life greatly, because it's where you're putting your mind. It's the evidence that you choose to look for in your life, and your circumstances can stay pretty much exactly the same, and then you can feel so free and so peaceful and just so abundant in the circumstances that you have, where, yeah, even some of your feelings remain the same for a while. I didn't feel like riding the bike. I just refused to lie to myself. I refused to get fixated and focused on how I felt right now and choose to think about that more than the bigger picture of my health and my goals and my integrity to follow through on the things that I say that I'm going to do. So if calling yourself up the way I just explained that, where you notice a lie in your mind and you call yourself up to say, wow, I caught the lie. Awesome. Now I know the truth that I want to tell myself. Look at me go. I caught the lie. I'm getting faster at this. Clearly this is working. I'm becoming the person I want to be. That's calling yourself up. Calling yourself out is beating yourself. Oh my gosh, another lie in my head. Why does this keep happening? Of course, I just acted on what I felt like doing instead of on who I told myself that I want to be. What is wrong with me? That's calling yourself out. If it really interests you to be excellent at calling yourself up, I want you to email me, mastermind in the subject line, email me connect@momsset.com. Put mastermind in the subject line. Twice a year, I'm hosting a 6-month mastermind for 10 women and we are coaching through skills and tools that help you take some of the things that you're already good at and make you exceptional at them, really make them great. And then in my other mastermind, the Speak Life Mastermind, I have an entirely new communication curriculum that I'm coaching you through on being someone of excellent thought and spoken word. So that way you can say what you mean and mean what you say the first time. You're excellent at asking questions. You're phenomenal at calling yourself up and those around you. Just imagine what it would do for your relationship with your children and the tone of your home and just the way that you communicate with your spouse. when you become someone that others can look to for support rather than look away from in fear of criticism. We want to be magnetic to the people of our family, and you can be. You very much already are. We just want to align the communication to work seamlessly with it, to free you in that, that capacity as well. So if you're interested in working with me inside the mastermind, really focusing on your mindset and communication, my next mastermind is a Speak Life Mastermind, September through March. And I would love to see you take part in that. So just email me mastermind, share some details with me of what you're hoping to accomplish through the 6 months of coaching. And I would be happy to connect with you there. So that said, that's calling up. It is a real skill and it's something that is just so beautifully done in life and it creates this whole new feeling of peace and freedom in any circumstance that you're in. And honestly, the more challenging the circumstance appears, the more excited you get to speak life in it because you know, oh my, I'm about to put So I'm about to just like warm up the energy in this room and shift the dynamic, shift the energy. This is such an exciting thing and it's because of who you've become, not because of these outcomes of what other people are doing and who they're choosing to be. So let's get back to you being excellent at doing what you want. Just like me, I am excellent at doing what I want because I'm honest with myself the first time, as frequently as possible. And two, I stay focused on the bigger picture at all times. As much as I possibly can. The reality is we don't want to yell. You don't want to yell. You don't yell because you wanted to yell. And even when that urge comes up and you feel frustrated and your kids are backtalking you and there's the dryer going and the vacuum's on and someone just spilled something on the floor and then the toddler dropped a glass bowl and I'm basically just describing my Monday morning now. You don't want to yell. Even when the feeling comes up to yell, you don't want to yell. You don't want to skip workouts. Even when you feel like sitting on the couch and you feel like avoiding it, you feel like sleeping in, you feel like skipping the gym, you don't want to skip workouts. You don't want to eat mindlessly. Even when you feel a craving for that snack in the pantry or the ice cream in the freezer, or the bag of chips that is just, you know, the crunch hits different when your favorite show's on. You don't want to eat mindlessly. You don't want to spend regretfully. Even when that sweater is so cute, even when, oh, this is only happening once a year, like once every 10 years, you do not want to spend regretfully. You don't want to make purchases that you're going to regret. You don't want to speak carelessly. Even when you feel like you just could give that person a piece of your mind and you've got something nasty to say right on the tip of your tongue, you don't want to speak carelessly. You don't want to waste your time. I don't want to waste— I don't want to waste my time. There's only a certain amount of time that we have in the day, and there's zero minutes in a day that I want to think about when I go to bed and say, wow, I wish I would have used that time differently. Yeah, I just really wasted that hour scrolling my phone. I wasted that 30 minutes. Um, just like ruminating over what my husband did that I felt so offended by, or sitting on the steps watching my kids play, thinking about poor me, I'm stuck here with them. That's wasting your time and you don't want to do it. You don't want to criticize yourself. You don't want to beat yourself down. You don't want to just spend all of your time calling yourself out on where you failed, where you could have done something better, where of course you did this again. You snooze the alarm, you skip the workout, just beating yourself up, criticizing yourself. You don't want to do that. You don't want to keep foolish habits. You don't want to just have the TV on. mindlessly staying up late after you told yourself you're going to go to bed early, scrolling your phone. Just foolish, foolish habits of where we waste those little, little pockets of time where we beat ourselves up, where we fuel our mind with the wrong source of information, quality of information. We don't want to do that. Foolish habits of leaving clothes in the dryer for days instead of putting them away. Foolish habits of going to bed with the kitchen messy, even though we told ourselves, oh, I really want to clean the kitchen before bed. They're just foolish habits. We don't want that. I don't want to wake up tired. I don't think you want to wake up tired either. Even when we tell ourselves, I just feel like having a late night. I just feel like, you know, staying up later, eating that snack, scrolling my phone, whatever. I'm just going to do it. You don't want to wake up tired. And this takes us back to this being really honest with ourselves. When there's something that we tell ourselves that we want to do— oh, I want to stay up late— we've got to get more honest with ourselves and say, well, do I want to wake up tired? Because the answer to do I want to stay up late and the question of do I want to wake up tired, the correct question to ask yourself when you have a feeling or a craving or a temptation or even an invitation is that more honest question. Do I want to wake up tired? No, I don't want to wake up tired. So no, I don't want to stay up late. Change the question. I don't want to keep foolish habits. Do I seriously want to keep reaching into the dryer for my clothes and having my kids spill the clothes out of the dryer onto the floor because I tell them, oh, your clothes are in the dryer, and then they go reaching in the dryer? Do I want that? No. Then I don't want to keep foolish habits either. So the more honest we can frame our experiences and the more honestly we can frame our emotions and our decisions to match the bigger picture, you're going to get really excellent at doing what you want to do. And if you're still convinced that like, well, I really do want to eat the sweets, get more honest with yourself. Do you want to have a stomachache? Do you want to have low energy? Do you want to have brain fog? Do you want to have cravings in an hour for more of that sweet that you felt guilty for eating the first time? The answer is no. So the reality is you're not even doing what you want to do when you're yelling, skipping workouts, eating mindlessly, spending regretfully, speaking carelessly, wasting your time, criticizing yourself, having foolish habits, or wake— or going to bed late. You're not even doing what you want to do then either. So now I'm inviting you to be excellent at doing what you want. I believe I'm excellent at doing what I want, even when what I want most is something I really don't feel like doing. Riding the Assault Bike in my basement for 45 minutes. I promise you, I did not feel like doing that. It was just this idea that I noticed a few times that day. I want to get on the bike today. I want to get on the bike today. I want to get that cardio in today. I want to like— really keep my commitment for the workout routine that I wrote for myself. I want to do that. And then when it came time to do it, I didn't feel like doing it. And I'm really honest with myself. I'm excellent at doing the things that I want to do. So even when I don't feel like doing it, I'm going to do it because I'm excellent at doing the things I want to do. And I'll let my feelings catch up with me. I'm not going to let my feelings lead me. And some, some of us are allowing our feelings to lead us in our communication. Our habits and our nutrition choices, in our lifestyle, in our spending. We're allowing our feelings to lead us, and there's so much destruction there and chaos and instability. And then we start to question, like, well, who am I really? Who am I? Because my feelings keep changing, and if anything, I just feel worse. And I've been basing who I am based off of how I feel rather than a conscious identity that I created for myself, which if you're a part of any of my coaching, be it the membership or all the way up to my mastermind, identity will always be a major emphasis that I have with you. Because when you can build your life and make your choices based off of who you are, then you can tolerate doing what aligns with who you are, even when you feel like doing something different, even when you feel like doing what's easy, doing what's convenient, doing— what is acceptable in this environment or doing what keeps other people— your appearance up with others. Right? Like, we've got to break out of these people-pleasing, perfectionist, and shameful ways of living and get back into integrity and dignity of who we are. And even if I feel tired, I'm going to do what aligns with who I am, not what aligns with how I feel. Even when I feel annoyed, I'm going to do what aligns with who I am, not how I feel. If you're doing things that match how you feel, you're going to create more of that feeling, which can work in your favor. Absolutely. When you do things, let's say you feel really, really grateful and you decide to start writing down, like in a gratitude journal, like, gosh, I'm just feeling so grateful. I want to log this down. Great. You're acting. On these feelings and you're creating more of the gratitude. So this can work definitely in your favor. And, and we can create more feelings of gratitude there. It's just a slippery slope where we need to be more mindful and take a great sense of caution when it comes to our emotions and recognize my emotions need a solid leader. So sometimes it's nice to, to follow an emotion and create more of that gratitude, more of that feeling of generosity, more of that feeling of faithfulness. And courage and humility. Like, it's really nice to do that. And when it comes to feelings of anger and resentment, and there's— oh my— when it just comes to those emotions, if you're acting on them, you're creating more of them. When you act on anger, you create more anger. When you act on resentment, you create more resentment. When you act on depression, you create more depression. When you act on anxiety, you create more anxiety. So make sure that you know who you are in any which way that you feel, who you are around anyone that you're with, who you are in any room that you go into. And honestly, like, we're fooling ourselves if we think we want to spend time on our phone. If you're spending time on your phone, you're saying, well, it's because it's what I want to do. You are fooling yourself. You're kidding yourself. It's not true. That's, that's one, us lying to ourselves. And two, us being focused more on what feels easy right now. You're letting an emotion lead rather than getting back into alignment with identity. Who am I? Well, what does she do when she feels tired? What does she do when she feels mentally tired? Does she reach for and scroll her phone? Does she just go lay on her porch swing for a few minutes? Does she just go for a walk with her kids? Does she start making a meal? There are so many beneficial things that we can do that are actually restorative. But since when have you ever felt better scrolling your phone when you feel tired? You just feel more tired. And then you are looking at those screen time reports creeping up, which you don't want. You don't want to see your screen time go up. You don't want your eyes to hurt. You don't want comparison in your mind from all that scrolling, and you don't want the not good enoughness to set in. And you don't want the, they have it way better than I do, darkening your day. So when you look at the bigger picture, do you want to scroll your phone? You may feel like scrolling your phone, but you don't want to scroll your phone because of all of the natural consequences that come with scrolling your phone, be it through social media, be it through online shopping. I mean, it could even just be through a Pinterest board. Like the time that we spend there has natural consequences. And when we're being really honest with ourselves, which is that first step, is we are honest with ourselves. We tell ourselves the truth. And then the second step, we look at the bigger picture. It's amazing how our choices naturally change when we just focus our mind to be as truthful and big picture thinking as possible. We're also fooling ourselves if we think that we want sugary and high processed foods. Yet how often have we said, oh my goodness, I just really want that treat, or I really want that burger from the drive-through, or I really want that ice cream from that one place that we like so much. Like, I really want that. Well, excuse me, you just told me that you want to feel your best and you've actually never eaten those things. And then said, wow, I just really feel my best right now. You know, like my digestion is just on point. My energy is abundant. I feel so clear-minded. Oh man, I sleep so good when I, when I eat that right before bed. And this isn't about perfection. Like, let's get that out of our minds, obviously. we know that there's going to be times that we do eat the thing that we're craving, and there's going to be times that we're like, oh, it's, it's this, and like, yeah, I genuinely do want this. And that's when we can still be really honest with ourselves and know, like, I also want to accept the consequences that come with it. And we are still thinking big picture. Big picture is I'm staying hydrated, I'm going to enjoy this thoroughly on this date with my husband, or date with my kids, or just today. I'm just going to enjoy this thoroughly today and love the way that I'm showing up. And then I'm going to move on. I'm going to move on and I'm going to keep going forward with my incredible habits and the excellent way that I take care of myself. There is a reality in which those two things coexist. You just automatically find yourself doing self-sabotaging things far less frequently than when we were convincing ourselves that it's what we really want. It's not what we really want. It's just what we feel like right now. It's what we're craving right now. And right now I want to give into the craving. Right now I want to just have this. And at least that's more honest with yourself. But again, like when you're honest with yourself and you keep the bigger picture, you're going to recognize that how you feel and what you want can be two very different things. And I would be so bold and outright to say that you don't want to hit a wall, experience constipation, feel an ongoing craving for the same sugary food, a company that has zero care for your health, made with an insulting amount of chemicals, feeling irritable from the dyes and low about yourself from what you call lack of self-control. You don't want that, yet it's what you get. When we make those choices. And like I said, there are definitely times that we make these choices and we feel really good and we protect our headspace. And we know, like, I'm dialed in with my habits. I'm really glad that I did that. And now I'm moving on. Like, it took 2 seconds of my mental capacity and now I'm just moving on, which is a beautiful place to be. And you notice that you have higher— you have a higher sense of self-control and a higher sense of self-esteem and just that amount of discipline that you have to make wholesome choices that you thought through. It just, it gives you this sense of emotional freedom and physical strength and mental clarity and spiritual peace, which more than anything, don't we want that? If you were to say what you really want emotionally, wouldn't you say freedom? What we really want physically, wouldn't we, wouldn't we say strength? What we want mentally, wouldn't we say clarity? What do you want spiritually? Wouldn't we say peace? So when we know what we want, we can see like, oh, I'm actually excellent at doing what I want. Sometimes I don't feel like recording the podcast. I know I want to make a difference though. I know I want to have an impact. I know that I want to share these insights and messages and little promptings that I receive while on an assault bike with others. I want to see others feel called up into this place. Mm-hmm. Place of total ownership and accountability and have fun playing with words in their journal or on their tongue and with their children, their communication styles with their spouse. I want that more than I want to stay out of my office. Like, truly, I want to post consistently to this podcast more than I don't feel like doing it. And I just want to invite you to get really honest with yourself. when you're focused that honestly, and then tell me what you want to do. When you can honestly say the, the type of life that you want to live and the type of person that you want to be, what you say you want to do elevates with that. It sharpens with your focus. But when we focus so much on our feelings— I feel tired, so I'm just gonna sit here. Well, we miss out on the opportunity to actually help ourselves feel really light and energetic and fulfilled and excited. And there are ways to rest with attentiveness and to have real presence in your day while resting. If your phone's in your hand, you're not resting. You might be sitting, but you're not resting. And when I think about that, like, I can rest while watching my kids ride their bikes. I can rest while reading books on the porch swing. I can even rest while making dinner. When I've got some music on, I'm just humming along. Maybe I took a shower before I started making dinner and I'm in my pajamas and it just feels restful while still being aligned with the type of life I want and who I want to be. And I, and I really, I really just wonder like how much of our— unsatisfaction and unfulfillment in life is coming from us fooling ourselves into thinking that we never get to do what we want. Is that true, that we don't get to do what we want, or we've just lost sight of what we want? I think that's more true. I think it's more true to say that we frequently lose sight of what we want and we choose to do what's what's convenient, what's available to us in the moment, rather than holding out for the bigger thing that we're working towards and the accomplishment of a goal, even if it requires discipline and sacrifice along the way. Like, we're missing out on these really fulfilling experiences in life because we're telling ourselves that we want to skip a workout and we want to scroll our phone and we want to eat that snack and we want to just leave the laundry. I just want to skip that laundry. Yeah. You know, I just, I just want to go to bed. And then you're scrolling your phone in bed. You're not even sleeping. I just, I just want to sleep some more. So you snooze your alarm, but then you wake up irritated that you slept in instead of getting up with your alarm and keeping your word, doing the thing that you said you were going to do. Which in the Speak Life Mastermind, we are keeping our word as good as gold. So if you're someone that has frequently broken your word, I definitely recommend you email me. The word mastermind. Tell me a little bit about what you would hope to experience in the 6 months of coaching through this, through the Speak Life Mastermind, knowing that it's all mindset and communication focused. So entirely in your control, elevating you is the goal. And yeah, just for this episode, in conclusion, friends, you can be excellent at doing what you want to do when you are honest with yourself and you stay focused on the bigger picture. Look at every decision you make as something that has consequences to it, because it is. There are natural consequences to everything that we choose to do, and we're just really excellent at making the decisions and doing the things that we most want to do, not just the things that we feel like doing. That's the difference. Get excellent at doing the things you most want and stay really excellent at declining the things that you could do right now that are easy, convenient, and ultimately take you further away from who you want to be. So let's give it a try again. Let's say it together. I am excellent at doing what I want. Let's do it 3 more times. Ready? 1, 2, 3. I am excellent at doing what I want. If you've got kids around you, I want you to encourage them to say it with you this time. 1, 2, 3. I am excellent at doing what I want. Last time, say it like you mean it. 1, 2, 3. I am excellent at doing what I want. Reframe your whole life. For one day, pretend like you're only doing what you want to do and force your mind to see how I really do want to put this laundry away. I really do want the laundry available to me when I go looking for it. I really do want clothes that are free of wrinkles and I can pull off a hanger in the morning as I'm getting myself ready. I really do want to wake up to a clean kitchen. So I do want to clean my kitchen before bed. I really do want to hit my health goals that I set for myself. So I really do want to ride the bike right now or do this workout or drink the water or, you know, dial in my nutrition. Like, I do really want to do these things. It's such an abundant way to live when you view life through this frame of mind. And that's honestly all it is. The circumstances stay the same. Mm-hmm. Companies keep producing that food. And, uh, you know, social media keeps being social media. Pop-ups keep being pop-ups, email campaigns keep flooding in, trying to get you to buy, trying to get you to consume, trying to get you distracted. All of that keeps happening. And suddenly you just feel remarkably powerful in your life to know— I'm just really excellent at doing what I want. And I'm extremely clear on what I want. And I only do things that align with that. And it looks like discipline and it looks like self-control and it looks like integrity and it looks like dignity and it looks like excellence. And you know, it is, but not because you were focused on those outcomes. You were just so focused on becoming the person that's excellent at knowing exactly what she wants and making sure that her thoughts and her decisions align with that. And then sometimes a feeling comes in and that was just an opportunity for you to see to it that you feel better through the things that actually help rather than just what you felt like doing in the moment. So I hope this podcast episode finds you well today, my friend, and it gets you in a position to speak life over yourself, call yourself up as someone that's fully capable of being exactly who she wants to be. and to start getting really clear on who it is that you want to be so you can start being her on a daily basis. How are you going to be who you want to be if you don't know who she is? Yeah. So we're going to start there, but I hope this podcast episode calls you up and you find yourself just a little more delighted with a pep in your step. And I'll see you real soon.