24. You and Your Negative Thoughts

Hello, my beautiful friend, and welcome to the Mind Body Alignment podcast. I'm your host, Tessa Romero, and also your coach. I'm here to teach you powerful skills and tools to not only know who you are, but how to become exactly who you want to be with a mindset that finally supports you. I'm so grateful that you're here. Let's get started. Hey. Hey, my beautiful friends. It sounds like we need to have a discussion about negativity, so why not do that today together? And hopefully this is something that serves you long after you're done listening to this episode. I want this episode to serve you for the rest of today, tomorrow, the week, the month, the year, and all moving forward. Just for you to understand this. When it comes to negativity, negativity is not a bad thing. It's not a bad thing. It's not something that you have to beat yourself up over every time you notice a negative thought. Because negativity is a healthy part of mental wellness. It is. It's showing you what's not working in your life. Like, it's showing you what you don't like. It's showing you what you could work on. Right? So if things were all positive all the time, why would we progress? Why would we try harder at something? So I don't want you to get so wrapped up in this idea that every thought should be positive naturally. Like, we shouldn't even have any negative thoughts, because that's not true. And ultimately, I don't believe that would serve you as much as being able to catch your negative thoughts and not attach to them. That is a huge part in this, is simply not attaching to your thoughts. You don't. You just don't control all of your thoughts. You're not going to. You don't. So let's surrender that too, because we know. We know we don't control a lot in life. However, when we take on the full control of who we are, like, who we are choosing to be, what we decide to say, what we decide to do, when we take on that type of control, that's a lot. That's a lot of ownership. It takes a ton of energy and effort. And you feel like, wow, I really do control so much. Because you do. Although it sounds simple when you say I only control myself, but going back to these thoughts, these negative thoughts, they don't have to be something that paralyze you, and they don't have to be something that you even attach to, especially something that you act on. You don't have to do that, a negative thought can simply come and you can evaluate it, you can observe it, and you can decide to challenge it and change it. But you have to first understand that they're going to come, and it doesn't mean that you're not doing a great job. Having a negative thought does not mean that you are a negative person. Remember, we're talking so much about identity together and who we choose to identify as one negative thought. A thousand negative thoughts do not make you a negative person. What makes you a negative person is deciding that you are a negative person. That's it. It's just the decision, it's just the identity of who you are choosing to identify as and see, see in yourself. You could have a thousand negative thoughts and say, wow, I'm getting so good at catching these and challenging them and changing them and going in a different direction. When I'm noticing that my mind is in a negative place and helping myself through them, I'm doing a great job. I really am a positive person. And let's talk more about this. Negativity in terms of negativity is easier than positivity. It just is. Naturally, it's easier to take on the role of the less empowerment. We'll call it that. It's easier for things to be someone else's fault than for you to have total ownership. Now, I understand that we don't control everything. You understand that we don't control everything. And there are so many moving parts in life, especially like other people are involved and you don't control them. However, there's always something that we can take ownership of. Even if the ownership sounds like, and I've done an episode on this, but even if the ownership sounds like, wow, I'm the one that's believing what this person is saying about me that way. Here's this person that's outside of your control, right? They get to think, say, and do whatever it is that they're going to do. And you don't control that part. But you decide if you believe them, if you attach to what they're saying, especially when it's about you. You decide if you interact with them, if you engage with them, what you think, say and do in return, that's what you decide and that's total ownership. So anytime you can take ownership in a, in a situation, circumstance, experience from the past, whatever it is, take it, take it, because it's your opportunity to continue growing and developing yourself into who you want to be, making better choices moving forward. But with the negativity the reason why it's easier is because you and I can both agree that it's easier to say, oh, they made me mad, rather than I responded with anger. One is much easier to do than the other. And I'm saying this from personal experience, guys, but the more you work on your mindset and the more you see just how much better you feel when you are staying intentional with what you think, say, and do and how you catch your thoughts, even when they're negative and decide to change, challenge and change them. The more you do that, the better you feel and you're able to see, wow, it takes more effort, sure, to be positive, to take total ownership, to stay in control of me. That does take more effort, but I feel so much better. I feel so much better. So while negativity is very tempting and easy, that doesn't mean that it's good. Easy is not interchanged with good, and hard is not interchanged with bad. Right? The hard thing can be the really good thing to do, and the easy thing can be the really bad thing to do. But we act like, oh, my gosh, it's so hard to build a positive mindset. So hard to catch these thoughts, to change them. I don't know what to think. Instead, we act like that's a bad thing, and it's not a bad thing. It's just observation. It's just learning about ourselves. Like, wow, I've been thinking this one negative way for so long. That's why it's easy. Not because it's good. It's not because it's something I should be doing. So when it comes to your mindset, just remember that your mind is constantly taking in your experiences and then making predictions. So if you're finding yourself with a very negative mindset, think about your past experiences. Think about how much of that is just feeling left unresolved and beyond unresolved. Are you even validating yourself? Are you willing to go to those parts of you that just need to be heard? Because that makes a big difference, too, beyond actually resolving and healing it. Just being willing to validate yourself, right? Because you have been through a lot of very difficult things, and there is a reason why you think the way you do. And all of that's valid. And until you start learning to validate yourself and see that you are so much more than the negative thoughts that come a little bit more naturally than the positive ones, you're so much more than that. Until you decide to do that, you're going to continue feeling like, I can't change. This is just the way I am. This is the mindset that I have because these are the thoughts that come. Poor me. If you don't want to feel that way, you can do something about it. You can help yourself. You get to empower yourself. And I believe that wholeheartedly because I've worked with hundreds of women in order to help them do so in my full 12 week course, mind Body Alignment. When you really learn how to validate yourself, to stop over identifying with every freaking thought and feeling that you have so that you can finally see, oh my gosh, this whole time I've been the empowered person that helps myself through the thoughts and feelings that come. You don't control all of the thoughts, right? You don't control all of the feelings. You are the one that gets to decide, is this thought true? You get to stay conscious. You get to observe the feelings and say, wow, this feels hard. I'm going to help myself through this because I certainly don't deserve to feel this way all day long. I'm going to do something about this so that I can feel better. Okay? So when you have a negative thought, just know they are natural. We all have negative thoughts. Now what you decide to do with that negative thought is going to be your choice. It's a choice every time to act on the negative thought. Do you have a thought that says, I can't take this and I'm going to lose it? And then you lose it and you follow through on that thought. Remember, identity plus mindset equals actions. So if you're identifying as overwhelmed, exhausted, negative, irritated, like if you're identifying with all of these just low vibrational feelings all the time, your mindset is of course going to look for all of the ways that you are in fact overwhelmed, negative, exhausted, irritable, drowning. That's what your mind's going to show you because it's what you're looking for. And then what are your actions going to be? Yelling more, procrastinating more, shutting down, avoiding ignoring more, numbing more. You're going to do more of that in your actions. All because negative thoughts come a little bit more easily right now. And maybe your skill set to challenge and change them isn't quite where you need it to be for positive thoughts to flow more sincerely and naturally. And that's okay because we all have a day one. We all start somewhere. It doesn't mean you can't get where you want to be. It just means right now your mindset about getting there needs to be worked on. First you have to believe that you can change. You have to believe that you are not. Your negative thoughts because you're not. Thoughts are not facts, right? They're coming in because our experiences, like we, our mind takes in our experiences and then puts out predictions. So if we've had a lot of negative experiences, if we have had a lot of negative influences, those count as experiences. Just taking things in, the content you consume on social media, podcasts, tv, radio, the conversations that you have with friends, like all of that counts as coming into your mind and you're allowing it. If you don't put some serious boundaries in place of what you're, what you are and are not willing to consume, entertain, attach to, of course you're gonna have more negative thoughts. Of course you're gonna believe those silly, limiting beliefs even though they are never true. They were never the only perspective because there's always another perspective, right? So until you really start to set those strong boundaries with yourself of what you're willing to entertain, consume and allow to influence you, it's going to be the uphill battle. But I want you to know that negative thoughts are a healthy part of mental wellness. And you get to choose. Is my negative thought a fact or is it one perspective? Is this negative thought serving me or hurting me? Am I over attaching to this thought? What is the other perspective? How can I help myself through this? And you can validate yourself, yes, this feels hard and it's something I can handle. Yes, the this is not something that I want to experience. That's okay. That's okay. I'm not asking you to look at every circumstance in your life saying, thank goodness this is here. Feel so grateful that I'm going through this right now. I'm not asking you to do that. I'm just asking you to look at what you're going through and know that you can overcome it. Because your lifelong history, you are here. You're listening to this. You've overcome everything. So your track record is incredible. Incredible. You've overcome every single thing. Are you kidding me? I have full belief in you. Why wouldn't I? There's never been one thing in your life that you haven't overcome. But are you choosing to see that perspective? That's a choice. The negative perspective says, I can't do this, I can't handle this. This is too much for me. The positive perspective says, wow, this feels really freaking hard. Hard is not bad. And it looks like I'm going to overcome this because my entire life says that I overcome Everything presented to me, everything. And this will be no different. That's mindset. Are you lying to yourself? No, no. That is more true than the negativity of I can't handle this because what the frick are you basing that on? Right? So negativity is a healthy part of mental wellness. I wanted to create an episode that just helps you see the bigger picture of you're not your thoughts. Just because you have a negative thought doesn't make it true. It doesn't mean that it's the game plan that you have to go with. Right? But they are potent. Negative thoughts are freaking potent. And it takes a lot more positive, intentional thoughts to overcome a negative thought. I'm pretty sure it's seven to one. Like you need seven positive thoughts for every one negative thought. And that's a lot. But you have to understand, you have thousands of thoughts a day. You're not even conscious of all of the thoughts that you're having because your mind is just brilliant. It's brilliant. But in that subconscious mind, right, when, when you get to think intentionally and you know what you're thinking and you're deciding what you're gonna tell yourself and think about this. Like, that's why I love journaling so much. Because for me, the way that I view it, I journal for 30 minutes. It is a 30 minute mental exercise that I stay in complete control of what it is that I'm telling my mind. I'm not entertaining what the frick. My mind wants to tell me. It's too early. I don't want to do this. I don't know what to write. Like, no, I'm not, I'm not going to let it do that. I'm going to decide what I think. I'm going to tell my mind what to think. About my thoughts, about my feelings, about my circumstances, about who I am and my past experiences and where I'm going in the future. I'm going to tell my mind what to think. And the more I do that mental rehearsal, the more I discipline my mind to do what I want it to do, the easier it is to do it naturally in the day. But if you don't incorporate any type of mental exercise for yourself, think about physical exercise. How strong are you going to be physically if you don't exercise, if you don't challenge your body, if you don't break down those muscles so that they can repair back stronger, if you don't do those things, how many, I mean, how many squats can you do? How many pull UPS can you do? How many miles can you run? What activities are you capable of doing if you never train for it? If you never condition yourself physically, mentally? It's the same way. Every negative thought is just an exercise. That's it. Do you feel like exercising right now or not? Remember, you're not your feelings. So even if you're saying, no, I don't feel like doing it. Okay, well, here's another one. You have to be willing to help yourself, and you get to help yourself. You get to be the person that picks you back up. You get to be the person that is your own best friend. You get to be the person that keeps you company. You get to be the person that praises you and is extremely proud of you because you know your full story. No one else does. No one else ever will. And you get to say, holy freaking crap, I did it. I'm doing it. I'm catching thoughts, I'm challenging them, and I'm changing them. The thing I told myself I'd never be able to do, that would never come natural to me is happening. I'm so proud of myself. You get to be that person for you, because someone else that isn't experiencing that, that isn't doing all that work, that isn't talking to themselves that way is not going to be that person for you. How can they give you what they don't have themselves? You can't give what you don't have, and you're really only open to receiving what you're willing to give yourself. You're not open to receiving love if you don't love yourself. Right? Doesn't that make more sense? Like, how can you. How can you possibly truly embrace love to the capacity that it's meant to be embraced? If you do not love yourself, you're gonna. You're gonna doubt everyone's love towards you anyway. They don't really love me. How could they? Even if they totally do? But again, this goes back to our mindsets, that negativity. So just because you have a negative thought does not make it true. Just because you have negative thoughts does not make you negative. You are the one deciding who you are. Every negative thought that you catch, you have this opportunity to say, wow, all right, what's the flip? How do I want to change this? That's really limiting of myself. How can I step into more empowerment? Yes, the circumstance feels hard. I don't need it to be easy. Perspective is a beautiful thing. Your mindset about yourself is the most important mindset to have because you're the common denominator in everything in your life. So don't fear your negative thoughts and don't feel limited by them either. They're going to come. I have them, too. How do you guys think I made content? Because my mind is freaking hilarious and has these negative thoughts that I'm like, oh, that's a good one. And I just write it down in the notes of my phone. Like, we can make some good content off of that. I'm pretty sure I'm not the only one that thinks that. However, here's the flip. Here's what I want to think next time I have this thought, or right now in this circumstance, this is what I'm going to think. And I think it's really fun. I think it's exciting to catch those thoughts, challenge them, and change them into something so beautiful. You take something that you thought was limiting and you turn it into something that's extremely empowering. And that's. I mean, I love making content. I love making those reels that I put out on Instagram because it's just a mental exercise for me. Just like journaling. It's a mental exercise and I know it. I. And I know it serves you guys too. Just like my alignment journaling course. I love that journaling method. I love that course. And I wanted to make it to serve you. I love the reels that I make. I love the opportunity that I have to do this mental exercise and conditioning. And I want it to serve you. So we really do work together. But let's bring it all in. Bring it all together. Your past experiences cause predictions in your mind. Those influences in your life are extremely powerful. So if you've had a lot of negative influences, negative experiences, you've just heard a lot of negative self talk. It doesn't even have to be trauma. It is impacting the way that you're thinking. But that doesn't mean that you're stuck there. You simply have to stop attaching to every negative thought as if it's a fact. Because it's not a fact. It's just one limited perspective. And every time you catch one of those negative thoughts, it's going to become easier to catch the next one. Because you're building out your mindfulness. You're staying conscious. Okay? And remember, just because you have a negative thought does not make you negative. There's a big difference there in what you think and who you truly are. When you know who you truly are, you can better steer and direct what you think, because identity plus mindset equals Action. So who are you? You are not negative. That's not who you are. You have negative thoughts. We all do. That's a healthy part of mental wellness. What you do with your negative thoughts is what matters. So I hope this episode served you tremendously. I linked the Alignment Journaling course in the notes below. So that way, if you are trying, like me, to have a more consistent practice of conditioning your mind to be in a place that serves you, to learn how to take your negative thoughts, your negative feelings, your negative circumstances, and turn them into something that serves you if you want to learn how to do that. So Alignment Journaling will teach you. There are no prompts in that course. I do provide examples because I'm teaching you this method, but there's no prompts that you have to follow. You don't need me to tell you where to take your mind. You need to be open to where your mind needs to go for your development, your healing, your growth, for you to become who you want to be. I don't know who you want to be. How the frick am I going to write a prompt about that? Right? I just need to teach you how to tap into what's already there and truly help yourself. We can all do this. We can all help ourselves. And we need to start talking more about helping ourselves and serving ourselves and empowering ourselves instead of limiting ourselves. We are not stuck. We're not stuck. So in the Alignment Journaling method, you get to learn how to use your own thoughts, feelings, and circumstances as your prompts. You get to learn how to empower yourself and encourage yourself and build a mindset that finally supports you. And you guys know how much I am just a full believer and supporter of that. So remember, you're not negative. Negative thoughts are a healthy part of mental wellness. They're just showing you what you don't like, what's not working, what you want to work on, what you want to change. And it's up to you to shift that perspective ever so slightly to. To create a new one. And the more you practice that, I promise you, the easier it gets, the easier it gets. So keep on going. And I promise I'll be here continuing to show up with you every step of the way, through every phase and transition and season that life presents. I'll always be here with you. So I hope this episode served you and I'll talk to you next week. Thank you for joining me on this week's episode. If you enjoyed the podcast, don't forget to subscribe. Subscribe and share it. I love spreading the message of how positivity can come in so beautifully to help you through your journey of self discovery and healing. I'm cheering for you. I believe in you and I'll talk to you really soon.