28. Drews Birth Story

Hello, my beautiful friend, and welcome to the Mind Body Alignment podcast. I'm your host, Tessa Romero, and also your coach. I'm here to teach you powerful skills and tools to not only know who you are, but how to become exactly who you want to be with a mindset that finally supports you. I'm so grateful that you're here. Let's get started. Oh, my friends, this is going to be such a wonderful episode together because I get to tell you all about the birth story of our third sweet, sweet baby, which, hands down, was the best birth that I've had. It was truly so magical. And I wasn't gonna record a podcast episode for it. I was like, I'll just share on Instagram about how it went. I'm like, no, we need something with more detail to really paint the picture of how freaking wonderful it was. I just. I personally just want to talk about it and then never forget, never, ever forget any part of it. So I'm gonna pour it all into you guys. I hope that this is something that serves you and brings peace to you as well when it comes to your upcoming birth, if you have one coming up or in the future or, I mean, anything like that, because I truly believe that mindset plays an incredible role in labor and birth. And I didn't understand that, really, until. Until I had this baby, because I didn't practice mindset stuff with my first at all. I did it a little bit with my second, but, I mean, not nearly as much as I did with this one. And it made such a difference. So I do want to be able to share, like, how I mentally prepared for this birth, what those big differences were that I did. And I'll share that with you guys after I tell you his. So I said it. His sweet story. So we did have another boy. And I'm sorry. So thrilled about that. Like, oh, my gosh, I've. I mean, I just feel like anyone that I talk to is like, oh, you're having a girl. You're having a girl. You're having a girl. You're carrying so high. Two boys. It's time for a girl. Like, everyone was so hopeful that I would have a girl and I wouldn't be disappointed with a girl. Truly. I feel like when I honestly got pregnant with this baby, I was a little bit fearful that it was a girl. And I shared a little bit about that. Just that gender, not disappointment, but just fear. I was fearful of having a girl. And the reason for that was because of my own childhood. Like, it just seemed really scary to me to have a girl and be in a position to keep her safe from things that I personally experienced. And that was my. That was my biggest hesitancy with it. And because we didn't find out the gender with this pregnancy, it forced me to find peace there. It forced me to find healing where I didn't even understand that I was holding on to fears, really. And I did that. I. I did find the healing. I found my, like, through my identity, really. Like, I am always going to be the mother that keeps my children safe if it's a boy, if it's a girl. And even with my boys, I apply everything that I've learned through my hardship to them. And I would do. I wouldn't do any different if it were a girl. So I was able to find a lot of peace there and healing. And that's another episode we can do. If you're fearful of a gender one way or the other because of your own personal experiences, I promise you, I promise you that identity and mindset still play enormous roles in that because you have to know who you are as their mother and how capable you are of keeping your baby safe, whether it's a boy or a girl, and being the mother you want to be, regardless if you have a boy or a girl, because that part isn't really in your control. So it was really healing for me to not find out the gender. And it just felt like surrender, like whatever the gender is. I kept telling myself throughout the pregnancy, like, knowing doesn't change it. Knowing doesn't change the gender. So find peace where you need peace and don't rely on knowing the gender early in order to find my peace. And I personally love that we did that. So we didn't find out the gender. We did have another boy. His name is Drew. Myron Romero. His middle name comes from his great grandpa, who was an incredible man. And he passed away just before Liam was born. So none of my boys have been able to meet him. But he is a very special man, and I'm really grateful that we were able to use his name with Drew. All of my boys middle names have, like, a family meaning in them, so Myron is special. So Drew, Myron Romero. He's our third sweet boy, and we are literally obsessed with him. My boys are doing a great job transitioning. I was really worried. I mean, this is just a side note, but I feel like it's the perfect time to share it here. I was honestly worried that Luke was going to have a really hard time with Us welcoming another baby because he is such a mama's boy. And he's also very intense, just with his personality. Like, everything about Luke is very intense. It's so sweet to see that that's just who he is. Um, but it can also come with challenges. Right. So I was most concerned about that transition, um, and worried that Luke just wouldn't want to share me because Liam will literally say, I want mom, and Luke will go, I want mom. And then they both race towards me and fight over who's hugging my leg. I mean, yeah, I have two legs, but it's just. It's always this battle to me, and I'm like, oh, my gosh, what are you guys gonna do when I'm holding a baby and you have to share me with a baby? So that was a concern of mine. But honestly, they have done an incredible job. They're obsessed with Drew. The first few days were difficult with that transition, and I think that was just because my boys were so excited to have the baby, that their behaviors were very out of character for them, like not listening, throwing bigger fits, screaming, and. And a lot of good things, too, where they were just so happy that it didn't matter what Marcus or I said. They were just going to do what they wanted to do. So it's been a week now. I feel really adjusted, and behaviors are back to normal. I'm feeling a lot better, just stronger. So I feel like we're able to get back into our routine, which my kids personally thrive with. Routine and structure. So it's all coming together, and I'm just. I'm so grateful. But Luke is obsessed with Drew. There is no. There's no jealousy there at all. Luke's biggest obstacle is learning to share Drew. That is his biggest obstacle. I don't feel like he really minds at all if he gets to hug me anymore. He just wants to hold Drew and kiss Drew and talk to Drew and lay with Drew, and it's super sweet. So, anyway, if you are also fearful of any transitions coming to you and your family, adding a baby, I promise you it's going to be better than you can even imagine. And if you have a fear, like, that's totally normal, but you are totally capable of facing it head on and knowing that it's something you can handle because fear's in your mind. Worry. Worry doesn't predict the future. Right. It just steals your peace from the present. So find your peace in the present. Trust yourself to handle whatever comes, and it's all gonna be so good. So let's talk about Drew's birth. I swear to you guys, I could literally birth him again today. Like, that's how amazing it was. That doesn't mean it wasn't painful. I will not be the person I don't think ever. Maybe if I have 10 more babies, I'll get there. I don't know. But I don't think I'll ever be the person that says birth has no pain. And if you've ever listened to, like, hypno babies, which I love, I'm not knocking at all. I love hypno babies or pain free birth accounts. Like, I love listening to those stories. They're really, really helpful and empowering, and they just take your mind to a new place, which I really appreciate. But, yeah, I experienced some pain personally, so I'm just gonna be honest and say there was pain involved in my birthday, but I think in my mind, I was so okay with any sensation that I experienced that I felt, and we'll talk more about that. But, like, preparing for my birth, the biggest thing that I did differently, and I'm telling you this from the bottom of my heart with every piece of authenticity and just genuine help that I can give you, is I mentally rehearsed how I want to handle my birth. I didn't try to control, like, okay, my birth is completely pain free. No, I talked about how I embrace every sensation and understand that it's moving me forward in my birth and all of my contractions are effective, and I give them the room and the space and the energy that they need to bring my baby to me. So that way, even if I was gonna feel any pain in my birth, my mind was in such a place where it's like, oh, this is a good thing. This is progress. This is progression. This is opening of my cervix and baby coming down, and we're doing such a great job. Like, this is what it's supposed to be. Rather than attaching to this idea that it shouldn't be painful at all, I just cleared the fear out of my mind and surrendered to whatever my experience was going to be. And I did that through alignment journaling. Now, I understand alignment journaling is the course that I created, so obviously I love it and I'm going to promote it. But it's also the only real difference that I had between all three of my pregnancies and my birth experiences was the mindset work that I did through journaling. I exercised through all three pregnancies. I even exercised less in my pregnancy with Drew than I did with Liam or Luke. But I did so much more mental work. I did so much more effective mental work. So it wasn't just listening to audiobooks, right, or recordings of other people. It was making my mind go to that place rather than trying to believe it from someone else. I wanted to get my mind there on my own. So personally, I didn't. I didn't listen to like, positive birth stories from other people. I think that's a great thing to do. There's an account on Instagram that I love. It's called like pain through page, Pain free birth or something. I would read those stories every now and then, but I didn't rely on that to help me create like confidence in myself. I. I took my mind there. So if that is something that you're like, oh my gosh, I need to get my mind to that place without relying on someone else getting it there. Truly, your mind believes whatever you tell it. So if you're listening to a positive birth story, if you're listening to hypno babies and in your mind you still have thoughts that say, yeah, but it won't be that way for me. That's the problem. That's the problem. And that's the root that you have to get to and inside of alignment. Journaling. I teach you how to get your mind to that place. So I journal daily. And for the last four weeks of my pregnancy, I did a journal entry. It probably averaged to every other day about my birth. Like birth specific journal entry for four weeks about every other day. And it was incredible. It was incredible how much it helped me through my labor. So anyway, let's talk about the birth. So it was last Friday, July 29, that I went into labor. Now on that day, we had a really great day. My husband reached this really big accomplishment that he has been like, basically dreaming of since we've been together. And it's been a huge goal of ours since before we even had kids. And it's a career shift that he's been able to make since. So he worked at a local university for the past eight years. He's worked his way up from literally like studying school there. He played baseball there when he was in school. And then when he graduated with his masters, he got hired on as a strength and conditioning coach. And he's worked from grad assistant all the way up to the associate director of strength and conditioning or something like that. I can't remember now, but he's worked all the way up. He's worked extremely hard there um, and now he's been able to make this ship. So on Friday, last Friday, it was his last day of work at suu, where he was working and. And into his, like, new. New path of where he's still gonna be focusing on coaching but doing more of his own thing. And I'm really excited for him. So that's a shift that he's been able to make. And on Friday, I. I didn't want it to just be, like, overlooked, because obviously that's a huge accomplishment. So Friday morning, he goes. He goes to work for his last day, and it kind of hits me like, oh, my gosh, this is my husband's last day of work. I don't have anything planned. I don't have a gift. I don't have a card. I don't have anything because I've been so focused on my birth coming up and me and everything. So I loaded up the boys, we went to the store, and we bought decorations, and then we came back home, and I was like, hey, I'm gonna make cookies and do these decorations. The cookies didn't happen, but I loved that. I set the intention. Um, but. And we decorated our party wall. So in my home, we have a tradition that for everyone's birthday or like, a big thing, like a graduation, I have a blank wall in my home, and it's our party wall. So I decorate that wall for that person, and we put like, a hooray and balloons and the number eight, because he had eight years there, and it was really special. And then each of my boys got to pick out a card and myself. So we got him cards and we wrote in the cards. And then when he came home, it was just super sweet that I was able to be the wife that I want to be. Granted, like, there wasn't a fancy dinner planned or. Or anything crazy that took me, like, weeks in advance to really get to. But just doing the party wall for him totally aligns with the wife I want to be. And I know I'm doing the best I can, and it's okay that I didn't plan something weeks in advance. Like, I still had a really good mindset about myself and my self worth. And. And I think as women, especially as wives, sometimes we put so much pressure on ourselves that it's just not good enough. Like, anything we do isn't good enough. And that doesn't serve your mindset. So always fall back into the I'm doing the best I can mindset. And that's where I just kept myself at, like, No, I didn't plan anything in advance, but I did do the party wall, and I'm really proud of myself for doing that. We wrote him cards and the boys are really excited and no matter what, like, it's special and it's good and I don't have to beat myself up. So anyway, that's still mindset stuff, and that was a big part of our day. So we decorated the party wall. My husband got home, and then we decided to go buy some flowers from a local nursery. And I wasn't at this point, I had no idea that I was going to go into labor that day. I knew it was going to happen soon, but the night before that. So on Thursday night, I had contractions that were waking me up, like, frequently throughout the night, but nothing patterned, consistent. They were strong enough to wake me up, but I was just like, I literally was telling myself, I am not going into labor tonight. I am sleeping tonight. If I'm going into labor, I will know before 8:00'. Clock, like, not at 1 in the morning. So I just kept telling myself that and putting myself, myself back to sleep. So, yeah, that's pretty much how the night before went. But I didn't get much sleep the night before, which was. Felt difficult. And anyway, so we go buy some flowers from the nursery, we take them home, and I'm just working in the garden, like, planting the flowers. The boys are playing outside, it's starting to rain. And it just felt really peaceful. And I felt so okay with just life. Like, everything just felt so, so good. And my husband's talking to our neighbor and I'm just like in my own little bubble, planting flowers into my garden and watching my kids play. And I was having contractions at this point and it was about, I'd say, five o' clock or so I was having them, but again, like, they just felt like, I don't know, the random Braxton Hicks that you get that you're like, oh, there's one. Like, my body's getting ready. Like, whatever, this is serving a purpose, but it's definitely not birth. I'm not in labor. And I. So I was having some and they just felt pleasant. Like, it just felt like my body was hugging my baby. And it wasn't painful. Like, at this point, no, no pain whatsoever. Just a hug is the best way that I can explain it, that I'm like, oh my gosh, this is so pleasant. I don't mind this at all. And I am telling you 1000% that is mindset. It's Mindset, because my body's going to do what my body knows how to do. It's what my mind thinks about what my body's doing that makes it mental. And if I think, oh, my gosh, something must be wrong, well, now I'm creating fear, I'm creating tension, I'm creating pain. When in reality, my body's just doing a very natural process that it's like, hey, we need to start gearing up. This is what we're going to do. And I'm not trusting it. So mindset plays a huge role. And my thoughts about those little hugs I was experiencing, experiencing, I felt, I think kept me at peace with whatever comes and very calm through the process. And in the weeks that I've been journaling before that, specifically about birth, that was a huge thing for me that I just kept grounding myself in was, I am calm, I am relaxed, I experience these sensations and I release all tension from my body, and I just allow my body to do what it's designed to do. And a lot of my journaling sounded just like that. And I was able to live it out with those little hugs I was experiencing. So from there, our kids normally go to bed about 7:30. Like, we tried to have them laid down about 7:30. So when the rain picked up, we all went inside, we had nachos for dinner. So again, nothing special. And my husband even made a comment. And I wrote up an Instagram story that I was going to post, but I never did because I went into labor. And it was about how he had said, like, we came inside from gardening, and he was like, let's go out to eat. So, you know, like, we can celebrate. Like, this is a huge thing for our family. Let's go out to eat to celebrate. Okay, guys. I was 39 weeks, four days pregnant. Did not want any part of that. No, I didn't want to go out to eat. I didn't. I mean, I was just like a resounding no. And that doesn't make me a bad wife, right? It means that this is. This is my opportunity to vulnerably express to my husband and appreciate where he's coming from, because this is a big day for him. And also communicate in a way that's like, I totally get it. And that sounds wonderful, but I'm just not up to it tonight. And this is what I actually had planned. Like, I had thought out some ground beef. I was just gonna make nachos tonight. I bought the chips from the store. Like, this was. This was my Plan. And that, again, is like mindset and marriage. Because my husband isn't saying, oh, let's go out to eat to celebrate, because he's not considering me being super pregnant, and he wants to piss me off. And he's so selfish. Like, that's not why he did it. He said it because he's excited. This is a huge accomplishment for our family, and he's. He's wanting us to all celebrate together. It's not, yeah, I'm leaving. I don't want to be around you guys. No, he wants us all to go together. Like, it's a. It's a good thing. And it would be really easy to take that in the wrong way. But mindset makes the difference. So again, like, he said that, and I was like, I actually had a plan to just make nachos. He's like, awesome. So he started the ground beef, I made the nacho cheese, and we had that for dinner. And then we got the boys, like, ready for bed, did the bath time. And at that point it was about like, 7:15, and I could. I just felt uncomfortable. Just not. I was not in pain and I wasn't having consistent contractions. It was just like a sitting doesn't feel comfortable. I didn't want to hold Liam on my lap in the rocking chair. Like, any pressure on my stomach, I'm like, no. And it was just like a. I want to use the word ear, like, irritable. But I was in a really great mood. It just felt like my body was almost irritable. Like, my body was like, just imagine like, something's coming. Something's coming. And my body just wanted to be in, like, a peaceful space. I guess, like, is the best way that I can explain it. So I told Marcus how I was feeling, and he did bedtime. But before that, I just sat down and read books with my boys because that just felt like a really good compromise for me. Again, compromise, compromise, compromise. So I sat and read the boys books. And then after three or four books, I was, okay, mommy's gonna go to bed now. Like, I didn't sleep very well last night, so Daddy's gonna do bedtime. Gave them kisses, and then I went to my room. So Marcus does bedtime, and he comes into our room about 8 o' clock, and I tell him, like, okay, I'm experiencing some contractions, but they're not consistent and they're not long. They. So again, like, I just thought it was going to be like the night before where I have these contractions off and on. And I can feel them, and they're there, but they're not progressing me or becoming consistent. And my husband, with all three of our kids, is just the freaking sweetest. He's like, how long have you been having contractions? Like, you have to tell me these things. And are you sure you're not in labor? I think you're in labor. Like, he's just. He gets so excited. Really, the sweetest thing. But I had already decided, like, I am calm, I am relaxed, and this is. This is who I am. This is how I'm going to show up for my birth no matter what. And I just, like, told him there's. They're not intense, like, and I just, like, kept reassuring him. But he knows how I get when I'm in labor. Like, I basically go into denial. And he. He knows that this is our third time. Like, he knows. So he's like, okay, well, maybe you should start tracking the contractions. And at this point, it was about 8:30, and I was like, okay, yeah, you're right. It doesn't hurt to track them. I'll just track them. So I download the contraction timer thing onto my phone, that little app, and I start tracking them. And they were consistently like three to four minutes apart and about 30 seconds long. And Marcus is like, I really think we should call your midwife. And again, like, my husband is so freaking wonderful. He did this with Luke, too. He's like, you need to call the midwife. You need to get in the bath. You need to understand, like, you're in freaking labor. And anyway, so it just cracks me up that I keep my head in this place of denial a little bit where I'm like, no, not. It just makes me laugh. But anyway, so they're about 30 seconds long, extremely manageable. Like, again, they just felt like hugs. The counter pressure Marcus started giving me in my hips helped tremendously. Like, just. It felt like the kind of pressure he was giving me took all of any pressure I was feeling away. So again, there wasn't pain at this point at all. Um, but there was, like, pressure as my body was opening the cervix and hugging the baby. So the counter pressure he gave me, it just felt like complete relief. Like, when he did that, I struggled to even feel the contraction, and I was like, okay, totally not in labor. That wasn't helping me, like, understand and believe that I was in labor. But, you know, he's just. He's just my biggest support in every single area of our lives. And birth is no different for us. It always brings us closer. So from there, it was about 8:45 that we called the midwife, and I told her, like, hey, I've only been tracking contractions for about 15 minutes, but I think I'm in the, like, the early stages of labor. I'm pretty sure I'm gonna have the baby tonight is what I told her. And she's like, okay, are you sure? Sure. Because my midwife is also 45 minutes away from me, so it's. It's kind of like an exception that she does my births, because it's not necessarily, like, super local, which you would kind of want your midwife to be. But she delivered Luke for me, and I really wanted her to do Drew as well. And with Luke, she only got there 45 minutes before he was born. So I was like, you know, even if you just show up 45 minutes before he's born, I can freaking do this. Like, I did it with Luke. I can do it again. Um, so anyway, I called her, and she's like, are you sure? And I don't want to make the trip if it is false, so let's give it some more time. And I'm like, okay, totally fine. Let me track for, like, 30 more minutes, and then I'll. I'll give you a call. She's like, okay. So I call her back, and it's about 9:15 at this point. And my contractions again, like, 30 seconds long, but still super consistent. Three to four minutes apart. And it didn't feel like my abdomen getting tight. Like, if I go on a walk when I'm pregnant, I can feel my abdomen contract. And these felt like my cervix opening. Like, I. I could literally visualize each contraction working very low in my pelvis and, like, opening things up. And it. So I explained that part to her, and she's, okay, I think you're in labor too. And she thought I was going to have a really fast labor. Like, we talked about that my entire pregnancy. My labor with Liam was 15 hours. My labor with Luke was 5, and this one ended up being 5 hours as well from, like, start to finish. So 8. 8 o' clock at night to 1 o' clock in the morning. That was the labor and the birth. So she was like, I don't want to get there when you're, like, in really active labor. I want to get there before you're in really active labor. So let me call my assistant. Let's get us ready, and we'll. And we'll head up there. And I'M like, okay. And again, everything's really comfortable. And I had my birth playlist playing in the back, so I'll even leave the link for you guys in the notes to my personal birth playlist. You're welcome to use any songs on there that you like or whatever, but it helped me tremendously. I didn't use music with my first two births, and just the experience of having those songs that I'm like, emotionally connected to playing in the background just softly was amazing. It was so amazing. And now whenever I listen to my freaking birth playlist, I'm like, I have to have another baby. I have to have another birth. Like, birth is amazing. I love this so much. And I'm like, reliving parts of my birth that I loved so much, depending on the song that was on. Like, it was amazing. So I'm gonna link my birth playlist. You guys can check it out or, you know, listen to it when you're not even in labor. Maybe it will just calm your home having those songs playing, but it's linked for you. Um, so my birthplace was playing in the back, and my contractions, again, they stayed pretty consistent with the 30 second range for about an hour. And then I had my first contraction that was a minute long. And that one felt different. Like, I could tell this is different. And basically the biggest difference was that hugging sensation. And, like, the visualization of my cervix opening was a lot more intense and through. Like, Marcus was still giving me counter pressure basically, for every single contraction. And when he did that, I could still feel the contraction through the counter pressure. Although the counter pressure still provided me relief, I could still feel the contraction. Whereas before, like, I'd struggled to feel the contraction, to know, like, when to even stop timing it, I was like, I don't freaking know. But with this one, it was like one minute. I could tell from start to finish what was happening. I could tell, like, when we were still climbing in the contraction, when it was peaking, and when it was coming back down. Like, just a very inner body experience instead of like an outer body experience. No, it was a very inner body experience that I was very present through. And that was honestly really healing for me. I think, just to understand, like, this is how strong my body is. This is how powerful my body is. And anytime I've ever doubted my body and its strength and its ability, anytime in my life is ridiculous because look how freaking amazing it is that it can do this. Like, and I, again, like, I journaled about that so much leading up to this birth, I was just. I journaled about how every contraction is from within me. It's not something happening to me. It's something my body's doing on purpose. This is intentional. Like, it's supposed to be this way. It's not like I. I mean, Liam was a hospital birth. I have nothing against hospital births at all. Intervention, like, whatever you want to do, freaking do it. That's why I do home births, because I do what I want to do. So. But even with Liam, it felt like, oh, my gosh, this is so scary. And why is this happening to me? And this is so painful. And, like, I failed to see. My body is doing this. No one's doing this to me. My body's doing this. There's not a machine on my stomach that's, like, pumping electricity through me to get my cervix to open. Like, no, this is all natural. Every single part of this is natural. And journaling about that so much. Before my birth with Luke withdrew. I've also called him Luke a lot of times. But before my birth with Drew just helped me to remember, like, through every contraction, this is all from within. And if it's from within, like, it's on purpose. My body is smarter than me. I've believed that for a really long time that my body is smarter than me. So whatever I think it should do, that's not true, because everything it does is on purpose, because it knows something I don't know, and that's a good thing. So I. I love my relationship with my body, and I've taken a long time to get here. And ever since having kids, that's what really, like, got me to a place where I could start healing my relationship with my body, where body image and weight and exercise are no longer, like, stressors for me. It's all so enjoyable because I do it out of love instead of out of spite or, like, jealousy or. Or anything negative. So anyway, I had my first, like, one minute contraction. Like, okay, things are definitely changing. I'm for sure in labor. What do I need to do? And, like, kind of getting my mind to that. Like, what's next? How do I. How do I keep this going? Because I didn't want the contractions to stop because part of me was like, what if it all stops? Like, what if it all stops and my midwife gets here and it will be like, last night, where I just had these contractions all night, but I don't actually go into labor? And I was like, well, no, I'll just stay proactive in this labor. I'll support my body and see what my body decides to do next. So, again, like, I have these thoughts, I have the what ifs, but I answer them, and that's mindset. I focus back into what is in my control rather than what's not in my control. I really don't control contractions in my body, in labor, out of labor, how long it is. I don't control any of that. Right. I get to decide how am I supporting my body through. Through labor, what am I doing? So I decided to basically stay standing on my yoga ball, like in upright positions, just to kind of have gravity working with me. And Marcus was doing the counter pressure. Everything was progressing so beautifully. And my midwife got here about. I'd say it was just before 10 o', clock, and she was like, how you feeling? I'm like, honestly, really, really good. And the contractions are definitely consistent. There's been a little bit of a shift where I can tell that they're stronger, but nothing painful. Like, I still feel really good. And breathing helps, the music's helping, and counter pressure helps tremendously. Like, I am comfortable and she's okay, well, let's just do a safety check to see how far along you are. And because I was so flipping comfortable, like, I was just honestly, like, in this. I. This magical place in my mind where I was like, everything's fine. This is really peaceful. Not no concerns, no worries. Just one contraction at a time. This is gonna be great. Like, that was literally this magical fairyland I created in my mind. So she was like, let's do a safety check. And I didn't have my midwife check me through, like, the end of my pregnancy. She checked me once at 38 weeks because she was leaving town and just wanted to make sure that I wasn't going into labor while she was gone. And at that point, it was just before I was 38 weeks. I was at a two and a half, like, dilation, and about, like, 30 effaced. And I didn't think anything of it because with Liam and Luke, I was at about a third. I was at about a two and a half, like, dilation around that same time between 37 and 38 weeks. And with Liam, when I went to the freaking hospital, they told me I was a two. So basically I freaking regressed. So I paid no attention to being checked in numbers after that because that just felt super disappointing when I was experiencing all these contractions thinking, okay, I'm at least a five, and they're like, okay, you're a two. And I was like, oh, my heck. And that was with Liam. So with Drew, I didn't want. I didn't want to be checked. I didn't want membranes stripped. I didn't want anything, Anything of that. I just was like, you know, I'm right where I meant to be. Things are going to go exactly how they're meant to go, and I don't need to push my body to do anything that it's not doing on its own. Was just my personal mindset about it. So, anyway, she's like, let's do a safety check. Which I was all for, because I know I'm in labor. Like, things are happening, and this isn't going to change anything. She's not stripping my membrane. She's just checking. So she checks. And she's like, okay, you're a six. And 100% effaced, guys. I was a freaking six. Like, I was dilated to six centimeters and 100% effaced at 10 o' clock or, like, 10:30 whenever she checked me. And I was blown away. Like, I wish so badly that I could just, like, go, like, have that moment recorded. There's. There are, like, three moments in my birth that I really wish I had recorded, but I'm going to just share them here with you because I don't have them recorded, and this is how they're going to live on. But I turned to Marcus. I was like, I'm a six. I'm already at a six. I was like, I am doing a freaking great job. Like, I am handling this so well. He's like, yeah, you are doing a great job. I'm like, no, no, no, you don't understand. Like, I am at a six. Like, I am doing four. Phenomenal. This is amazing. I am thriving. Like, I just, like, talked myself up to be this wonderful person doing incredible things because I was comfortable at a six and had handled all of this progression and early stages of labor so well and still, like, not in pain. I was like, I just felt so freaking excited that I felt. I felt the excitement, just that energy pulse through my body, like, which was a little bit of a downfall because after she checked me, I felt like everything slowed down. And I really think it was just my emotional state getting so heightened with excitement that my body's like, wait, wait, wait, what's happening? Because we were so calm, and now she's, like, excited about something. So I don't know if I threw that off, but I. I really do think that just my Heightened emotional state being. Even though it was excitement, my body was like, wait, what? I thought we were calm. I thought we were relaxed. So things did slow down after she checked me and I had told her, like, gosh, like, I hope things aren't stopping because I mean, that's never happened in my past two births. And my contractions got to be about 10 minutes apart at that point. They were still very strong, lasting a minute. I. I really relied on that counter pressure and the music. There was one part after she checked me that I had to check myself mentally and on Instagram. I'm going to share. I'll. I'll save it to a highlight because likely you won't listen to this Ansi my Instagram the same day, but I'll save it to a highlight for you guys. Marcus took a video and I even said in the video, I was like, I had to check myself once mentally so far, but I'm like back in a good headspace face. I had to check myself once mentally because it was during a contraction. I was like, my mind went to this place randomly, like out of nowhere that I, I didn't hear the music. The counter pressure didn't feel like enough. Um, I needed to change positions, but I was mid contraction at all and it felt really intense. And my mind went to this place of like, this is too intense. I can't do this. And I caught it. I caught it and I brought it back and I like got super aware of my surroundings and what song was on. And it was the song Be Slow. I think the name of the artist is Harrison Storm. It's such a good song. But I just started singing the lyrics with it and it was like coming out of that contraction. So seriously, guys, this was like a 22nd experience of having that negative thought, doubting myself, catching that coming out of it and just singing the song to get to help me. And Marcus is still doing counter pressure, but that part in the song, it was like, just be slow. Just be slow, darling. You gotta keep breathing. Lose yourself in the feeling. Like. And I just like, I kept saying that. I was like, lose yourself in the feeling and saying, be slow, be slow. And then the contraction was over. I was like, okay, I'm back. This is good. This is how I'm going to do this. This is how I'm going to handle this. No matter how intense it gets, I am going to verbalize what I need to say. I'm going to keep my head in a good space. I'm going to stay relaxed. Like, I Know when a contraction's coming so I can proactively relax my entire body. I don't need to clench my fist, I don't need to tighten my jaw, I don't need to arch, like arch in my back and, and tighten my hips. Like I can just let it all go, let it all open up. So the music really, really did help me. So a side note, at the same time that I initially, I forgot to mention this. At the same time that I initially called my midwife telling her that I was in labor, we called my sister in law who does the birth photography for me. She did it with my past two. I was really looking forward to her coming and doing it with Drew as well. But so we called my sister in law and my mother in law also attended my past two births and she was invited to come to this one. But there ended up being a really bad rainstorm where they're at and they're two and a half hours away from me. So I mean, it's amazing that they made it to my first two births, honestly. But with this one, we ultimately decided like they told us there was a rainstorm and Marcus and I just decided like, you know, let's just make the safe call and not have them come. And honestly it felt super disappointing initially because I love birth pictures. Like, I love going back through them years later. Like, seriously, I look at all of my kids birth pictures years later, so they are very, very meaningful to me. And I've expressed that to Marcus over and over and over how like, I love the pictures, they're extremely meaningful to me. I want to make sure that this happens to some point. And we had talked about like, well, what if Bri, my sister in law can't make it? And I had told him, like, if Bri can't make it for whatever reason, it's the same middle of the night. Like it's just not safe for her to come. Two and a half hours, whatever. I need you to promise me that you will just try and take some pictures because I need something. He's like, okay, I'll do that. I can sit at the tripod. I can do this, I can do this. And I'm like, yeah, but I want you in them too. Like that's, that's part of my favorite part is that my husband's like right there in all of them. And anyway, so it ended up working out that my sister in law, my mother in law couldn't make it because of the rainstorm. And I had to in the middle of my labor, accept the fact that I was not going to have birth pictures like I had originally hoped. And that felt difficult at first, but honestly, I think just that happened before I learned that I was at a six, and Marcus was, like, taking videos of us together because we had gotten up and started, like, dancing together, because I was just so excited that we started dancing together through conversation, the between contractions, listening to the music, and just. It just felt so special that it was him. And I and my midwife and her assistant were in my living room until the very end of my labor when I needed more help. They were in my living room, and it was just my husband and I in our bedroom getting ready to welcome our third baby. And we didn't know the gender. He was convinced it was a girl. Since I was, I think, 20 weeks. He was convinced as a girl or 30 weeks, I can't remember, but he was convinced it was a girl, and we were gonna name her Remy. And if it was a boy, we knew we were gonna name him Drew. And there's another video my husband took, so it just brought me a lot of peace because I knew my husband was actively trying to, like, take videos, take pictures and. And keep that in mind. And I had accepted, like, you know, they're not gonna be those types of photos that I have with Liam and Luke, but they're good. They're still going to be so special because I'm going to remember that it was just me and him doing this together. And I love that. I. I really do. It makes me feel so emotional that I'm like, we. We welcomed our third baby together from start to finish, and that's special to me. So anyway, it was okay. It ended up being really okay that the birth photographer stuff didn't work out and they didn't come, and it was just us. So anyway, I'm trying to think where. What part we're at. Okay. So my contractions ended up slowing down to be about 10 minutes apart. I don't know if you heard Drew, but he's on my lap. My contractions slowed down to be about 10 minutes apart. They were still intense when they would come. They're about a minute long. And I was thinking about how, like, oh, gosh, if I were in the hospital, like, just based off of my hospital experience with Liam. Again, nothing against hospitals, Nothing against hospital births. I just want to share my perspective here that if I were in the hospital and my labor was, like, smoothly progressing. You're at a six. Your contractions are three to Four minutes apart. Okay. They're getting stronger now, still three to four minutes apart. And then they had checked me and said that I'm at a six and everything slowed down. I really think that I would have been encouraged towards an intervention, like, Pitocin, like, okay, now your contractions are slowing down. We don't know what's going to happen next. We don't know why your body's doing this. Maybe we should do some Pitocin to pick things up. Like, that's how I think it might have happened in a hospital. I don't know for sure because I only. I mean, I wasn't in a hospital, so I don't know. But I just love that I was home and my midwife completely trusted, like, lay down, rest. If Your body's taken 10 minutes between your contractions, you might as well lay down. And at this point, it was about 11 o', clock, and they slowed down for about an hour. And I was like, oh, man. Like, they're slowing down. But she was so right, and I'm so glad that she said that. And I just trusted it because, yes, they were 10 minutes apart, but they were so freaking effective. They were extremely effective contractions. And I was grateful that I got 10 minutes between each one. I was like, this is freaking nice. So I literally, like, fell asleep between some of them. I mean, between all of them, for about an hour to an hour and a half. Like, from 11 to probably 11:30, we were laying in bed just listening to music, and Marcus and I were, like, softly talking back and forth. I'm like, oh, this is such a good song. And he was like, this is a really good song. And I'm like, oh, I knew you liked my music. And that's when he took the video of, like, oh, Remy's coming. And I'm like, it's Baby Drew. I know it's Baby Drew. And I'm so excited to, like, share those videos with you guys on Instagram. But anyway, so that lasted for about an hour, an hour and a half. And then there is this point where it was clear to me, like, I really need. Because I would. I was able to fall asleep between contractions, but the contraction itself would totally wake me up. And I would just grab Marcus's hand and, like, get right into breathing and relaxing and controlling my thoughts through the. The contraction. And Marcus was giving me counter pressure, and I was just laying on my side and he would, like, push into my hips, and that helped. But there came this point where he tried that through, like, one of the last contractions laying in bed. And I was like, I need to get in the bath. Like, I need. I need to do something different now and remind you guys, Like, I really got very poor sleep the night before. Like, I think I might have slept like three hours total the night before, because I had those contractions all night. And then I went into labor. I say it started at 8, but, you know, whatever. So if I went into labor at 8 that night, like, there were. And I didn't take a nap that day because I was just having a good day. Like, I don't want to take a nap. So anyway, there was just like, it felt like no sleep, 48 hour period. So anyway, I. I did feel extremely tired. And I remember that, like, oh, I feel so tired. And I know that when you feel tired and just at night, your mind is weaker. Like, it's a lot easier for negative thoughts to come in and to make bad decisions at night. Which is why I love to go to bed a little bit early. I usually go to bed at 9, so staying up and handling contractions past that is like, wow, this is like, really a mental game, isn't it? But it was still so good. So anyway, we get up and I'm like, okay, I really. I need to get in the bath. So I get up and I start the bath and take off my nightgown. And I was trying. I'm gonna put this point out there. I was trying really hard to leave at least a sports bra on throughout everything like labor and birth, because any pictures or videos I did get, I wanted them to be appropriate enough that I wasn't completely naked. It actually didn't work out that way. So there are not very many pictures that I have that I would be willing to share. But at this point, I still had a sports bra on. So proud of me for that. But anyway, I get in the bath and Marcus had. I'm trying to. It was midnight. I'm pretty sure it was midnight. And I think this. That's right, it was midnight. And Liam woke up. So that was another concern of having a home birth. This time was okay. What time am I gonna go into labor? I don't know. But I do have two other kids that I don't know how they're gonna handle seeing their mom in pain or just going through contractions, birthing a baby. I don't know how they would handle that. And they're boys. And, like, my mind was a little bit concerned about that throughout my entire pregnancy. And I just created a Plan. Like whenever my mind feels concerned about anything, I try to just create a plan that I know, okay, if this happens, then I'll do this. And then I can just like shut the anxious thoughts up because I have a plan. So my plan was that if Liam woke up when I'm in labor, that he would go to a neighbor's house or my mother in law would be here and she can entertain him and everything will be fine. Well, both of those things didn't happen because it was midnight, so not going to the neighbor's house and my mother in law couldn't make it because of the rainstorm. So in that moment, I'm getting into the bath and okay, this felt so good. I was like kneeling down in the bath and I just scooted all the way back to where the water was coming out of the faucet and let that like pour onto my lower back. And that felt so good. So if you do a home birth or if you have access to water or a bath, just that that feeling of water coming onto your back is really relieving just by the way. And so I was doing that. Marcus is like, oh, Liam just got up. I'm like, should I try and put him back to sleep? I'm like, honestly, I'm at a point where I really need help. So. So you either need to be very fast putting him to sleep or we need to welcome him into this experience. And Marcus, Marcus had a concern of like, I just think that's really intense for a four year old to be exposed to. Which is a super valid point. Like totally valid. But I, I know Liam, like, Liam is my most tender hearted kid. He's so excited about any experience that he gets to be a part of. And if you explain something to Liam, there's no fear, there's no negative thought, there's no, oh, it shouldn't be like this. He just accepts this is how it should be. My mom said this is how it should be. And he finds so much like internal peace. And I, I've seen that in him hundreds of times throughout his life when I just explain what's happening and why things are the way they are and, and, and all of that. So anyway, I explained that to Marcus. Like, look, you can try and put him to sleep. I'll be fine here for a couple contractions. Like, the water feels really nice. I know I can do this for a few contractions. But if you don't get him to sleep and that doesn't work, let's just try explaining to him what's happening and welcoming him, and we'll well make it a good experience. He's like, okay. So Marcus tries to put Liam back to sleep. I'm left in the bathtub by myself for probably like two. It was honestly probably like, two contractions. And I'm really proud of myself for the way I handled those, like, I think being by myself. And I knew, like, okay, Marcus isn't here for the counter pressure, Tessa. Like, this is. This is your chance to really help yourself. I knew that. It just. It went so well because my mind wasn't saying how I can't do this. I was just saying, I can do this. It's only a couple contractions. Marcus will be right back, and we'll figure it out from there. So anyway, Marcus gets back two or three contractions later, and Liam did not go back to sleep. He was up and ready. Now, Liam, in all fairness, he comes to my bed every single night for, let's see, we're in August. He's been doing that since last May. So. And for all. For all sake of argument, we have not tried to stop that pattern. We just flowed right into it. We're like, okay, it's kind of fun sleeping with him. And we've just never tried to stop it. So it works really well for our family that Liam comes to our bed every night, usually between, like, midnight and 2am I'd say he's there sometimes. He really gets on it, and he's there at 11 or something. I'm like, wow. And there's been about four nights in the last year and a half that he has slept all the way through the night in his own bed. So if that brings any peace to you out there, good, because I have total peace about it. I'm like, it's not going to be forever. I know that. But it is right now. So anyway, Liam comes in, and it's about midnight, 12:30. I Noelle. Yeah, it was midnight when he first got up. It was probably 12:30 when him and Marcus came back. And my midwife's assistant got the sweetest picture of me in the tub and Liam sitting on Marcus's lap. And we're all just smiling. And guys, like, if I would have known, like, okay, Tessa, your baby's gonna be born in 30 minutes, I would not have believed you. Because, again, like, I still felt like I was doing a great job. Contractions were certainly intense. Like, they were. They were so intense. But I found so much relief through at this point that I was in the bathtub. I Started doing those really low noises through contraction. So if you're unfamiliar with that, it's like, you don't want to get really high pitched in labor. You want to get really low and deep in your voice. So it's like a. Ooh. Like, low, low, low. As low as you can. Like, you just go down in tone. But I'm totally, like, if it's not super obvious, a vocal person. So I remember with Luke, when I had him, I screamed through the delivery because that was honestly the most painful thing of my entire life was delivering Luke. And I screamed through it. And with Drew, I remember, like, in my journaling, I was like. And I. I was just talking to, like, I do, like, low tones, and I'm able to smile through this, and it feels extremely pleasant. I appreciate my body in the process, and, like, I was journaling that way. But you know what? I also screamed having Drew, and that's okay. I just decided I'm a vocal person. I scream when I have bab babies, and I deliver babies beautifully. There's nothing wrong with me feeling, like, intuitively and instinctively I need to do that, and that's what I do. So two babies, like, natural at home and the hospital birth. With Liam, I had an epidural that I was literally talking through, pushing him, because I didn't feel anything. So that's not a fair comparison. So anyway, I'm vocal. I'm okay with it. So anyway, Marcus brings Liam in, and this is my. Oh, my gosh. These last 30. Technically 35 minutes, because he was born at 105. These last 35 minutes of my labor are my absolute favorite. Magical fairy dust all over them because of Liam. Liam was my mindset anchor. There was no freaking way that I was going to do so well all this time and lose it when he comes in. Like, I just. I could just. It's not who I am. It's not who I am as his mother. It's not who I am as a woman. And I'm not going to do that. Like, I just had that overwhelming feeling of strength and confidence and clarity of, like, this is what I'm gonna do. And anyway, so my midwife's assistant was in the bathroom with us, and because, you know, like, now I'm making these low tones like, okay, she's probably nearing a transition, and Liam's sitting on Marx's lap. And as soon as he came into the bathroom, Liam's, like, smiling at me like he always does. And I was like, hey, buddy, guess what? Like, your baby is Coming. Mommy's gonna have your baby tonight. I'm so excited for the baby to come, but I really. I have to work really hard to have the baby. So I'm. I'm in the bathtub, like, no idea when my next contraction is going to come. Liam is sitting on Marcus's lap right at the edge, talking to me. And I told him. And this is the part that I really wish I had on video, because it was just. I never want to forget it. I look at Liam, and I told him. I'm like, I have to work really hard to have the baby. So when I work really hard, I have to hum kind of funny songs. So I'm gonna hum funny songs. And remember when Dory talks to whales on Finding Nemo, and she makes those crazy sounds and she sounds really low, like, you remember that, bud? He's like, yeah. And I was like, well, that's what I'm gonna do. I'm gonna hum low songs, and it's gonna sound like I'm speaking whale. And he was like, okay. All is well in the land. My mom's fine, and I'm so proud of myself. Like, I'm so. That was totally. If there's ever been a time that I've been in complete alignment with the mother that I want to be, that was it. That was it. And it just. It felt so right. Like, yes, this is right. This is the mother I want to be. And I am creative, and I am intentional, and I am engaged with my kids, and I create calm and peace in my family, and everybody looks to me for that calm and peace, and I'm always able to provide it, no matter the circumstances. And I believe that, like, that is truth. That is truth for me. And I did it. And Liam was like, yeah. And then I had a contraction hit, like, a freaking truck, and I was like, the bathwater was off at this point. So, like, I had my tub full of water, and I was kneeling down to talk to Liam, and Marcus had a cup. So when I'm in that, like, later stage of labor with both Luke, Andrew, I love the feeling of water being poured on my back. Like, it is. It's insane how there's not one hand on my body, but that sensation of water on my back while I make those low noises is such relief. Like, I. I. I don't. I don't know why. I don't know why it works so well, but it freaking does, so that's nice. I am down for it. Um, so anyway, Liam's on Marcus's lap. Marcus pours the water on my back, and. And I just. I go from kneeling and I tell Liam, like this. Like. Like this. And. Cause I had just, like. It was just in that moment. I had just explained to him what's gonna happen. He said, okay. And I said like this very calmly. And I got onto all fours, and I start making the really low noises. Marcus is pouring the water on my back, and I lean back into that contraction, and I just. I take it. I take it for all it's got, and I completely surrender to it. Best contraction. I handled it so well. And yes, it was extremely intense, but I got all the relief that I needed to make it through that one minute that it lasts. And then the contraction passed, and I sat back up, and I was like, that's it. That's all mommy has to do, and the baby's gonna come. And he was like, just. I mean, not one ounce of doubt or fear or any negative thought about how it shouldn't be like this or was in his eyes or on his mind. Like, he was just all about it, like, oh, this is how the baby comes. It was the sweetest freaking thing. So anyway, they stay there for the few contractions, and I had to go to the bathroom, like, three times during my labor. So I got this feeling that, like, okay, I have to go to the bathroom. So I get out of the tub. And going sitting on a freaking toilet when you are in labor is honestly the most uncomfortable thing ever. And the reason for that is because your hips are open. There's no gravity. I mean, there's so much gravity coming downward. It's an open space under you. Like, that's why. Because I was like, gosh, I really don't want to go to the bathroom right now. But that's not a choice. So we're going to the toilet. And I sat on the toilet for, like, a minute. And then it was so clear to me. This is not me having to go to the bathroom. I am about to deliver my baby. Like, this is very, very different. And maybe tmi, whatever. This is a bird story. So anyway, didn't go to the bathroom, and I got up off the toilet. Marcus and Liam and my midwife and the assistant are all in my bedroom, and my bathroom's, like, connected to my bedroom. So Liam's on my bed. Marcus and the assistant and my midwife are, like, at the foot of my bed, and they're just, like, chit chatting with Liam. And I come out of the bathroom, and I ripped my sports bra Off. This is the part where I was like, dang it, this is not the plan. But I seriously just felt like I was 200 degrees and I felt so hot and like my body was just going to this very instinctual place of what I needed and there was no room for like one single thought about it. There wasn't a single thought about it. It was just, take off the sports bra as quickly as you can and get over to the place that you want to have your baby like, so freaking fast. Guys, remind you, like, Liam came into my room at 12:30. Luke was born at 1:05. So in a 35 minute span of me having a few more, like, literally probably like three more contractions in the tub at that point, went to the toilet for two minutes and onto the mat of my floor. I got to the mat of my floor at 1 in the morning. So it all happened extremely fast at this point. Um, and it happening so quickly was definitely a mental. A mental game too, because everything was progressing so beautifully and slowly. And I had breaks. It felt like. And this last 30 minutes there, it just felt like there was no break. Like it was just, here's this and this and this and nope, that's not the bathroom. This is delivering your baby. I was like, oh, my God. Like, this is intense. So anyway, I get over to the mat. I had ripped off the sports bra, got over to the mat and got onto my hands and knees in a. In a poor position. But again, like, I wasn't thinking that, like, at this point I felt so tired from not sleeping. Um, the. The. This is where I feel like there was the pain aspect for me personally, that I was like, I just crumbled to my hands and knees and said, I need help and I'm so hot. So the assistant got a fan and turned the fan onto me. They turned my bedroom fan on and another fan. And I finally felt like a little bit of relief getting all that cool air on me. And I was in a bad position because my chest was basically on the ground and my hips were up in the air. So that's not how you'd like to deliver a baby. Like, that's the opposite of gravity. So my midwife was like, let's get your chest propped up onto the bed and you can lean against that, but we just want to make sure that baby stays in a really good position. I was like, okay. And I got a super intense contraction. I was like, oh, my gosh. And I'm like, lean against the bed. And she's like, I'm gonna check you. Like, let's see where you're at. And she's like, I just want to make sure baby's head is down. So she checks me. Baby's head is down. She goes, you're out of 10. And as soon as she said, you're out of 10, the assistant actually got the entire birth on video, which was three minutes long, because that's how long it took me to push l. Drew out again. Luke. It took three pushes for Drew, which Luke was 10 minutes, and Liam was 50 minutes. So, again, I really believe in the whole mental space, like, what you trust and allow your body to do. Pushing was extremely painful for me with Drew as well. And I. I honestly think it was just the headspace, Honestly, like, the headspace and the rapid progression that lasts 30 minutes. And honestly, at this point, I didn't even hear my music. Like, I. It was not there for me, so that was freaking gone. So anyway, I get my chest leaned against the bed, and she checks, and she's like, hey, you're out of 10. And then I had this huge contraction and push. Like, there. She didn't even. She didn't have to tell me to push. Like, my body was like, no, I'm pushing. I don't freaking care what you say. And my body pushed, and it was extremely effective. And my midwife goes, okay, dad, do you want to catch him? And Marcus was like, sure. So Marcus hasn't caught, like, our past two boys. And he was like, okay. So he comes behind me. He comes behind me, and my midwife's telling him where to sit. And again, like, this is all on videos of Fresh on My Mind. And Liam is sitting on my bed. And the second push that I got, Liam was at the head of my bed, and I was, like, right in the middle, leaning over my bed, and I'm able to see Liam. And I just knew, like, I'm not handling this the way that I wanted to handle this. And again, it's okay if we don't always handle things the way that we wanted to handle them. It's about how we help ourselves through that part. Okay? So it's not about being perfect. It's about helping yourself. Now with Liam being there, I really. I didn't want to scare him. That was like, my. On my mind and in my heart is like, don't scare Liam. Don't scare Liam. Don't scare Liam. Handle it well enough that you don't scare Liam. And screaming. Yeah, in my. I didn't look at Liam, but In my mind, like, oh, my gosh, I'm screaming. I'm terrifying Liam. Because I screamed three times, like, through the pushing. And the first time I screamed and I told my midwife, I was like, I just really. Oh, no. It was before my first push. I told her I leaned against the bed, and she texted me. I was like, I just really need a break. Like, I need a break. I need. I need a break. And she was like, you're. The best break you're gonna get is pushing your baby out. And I was like, yeah, you're right. So, um, anyway, it was intense. It was all in the moment. Extremely intense. Leans at the foot of the head of the bed. The assistant's at the foot of the bed recording. And I. I got my second push, and my water broke. And so my water was intact this entire time, which helps tremendously with handling contractions when your water's intact. Um, I didn't have that with Liam or with Luke the entire time, so it was a nice experience with Drew having that water intact, but my water broke the second push, and Luke's and Drew's head came out. Or, like, was halfway out, but his shoulders were stuck a little bit. My midwife was trying to help Drew's shoulders get out, and it literally felt like she was pulling him in the opposite direction. It hurts so bad. And I told her. I was like, don't pull him. And she was like, I'm not. I was like, oh, my gosh. And I. Like, in my head, I thought it was going to be longer. And I remember, like, that second time that I screamed through it just into my bed, like, I was. In my head, I'm like, oh, my gosh. These aren't low noises I'm selling. I'm talking to a freaking whale. And I said, I'm sorry, Liam. And that just came out by like. Like, it just. It just came out. Like, I wasn't even thinking, like, oh, say sorry to Liam. But, like, it just came out to apologize to him. Him. So I said, I'm sorry, Liam. And the assistant goes, oh, mama, he is all smiles. Don't worry about him. He is all smiles. And Liam was literally standing at the head of my bed with his hands, like, in fists, like, up, so excited, smiling the entire time. Even though, like, yeah, I had screamed. I think everyone else's excitement just helped him understand, like, babies coming. And when she said, he is all smiles, I look up at him, and it was. He was all smiles. And I look at him, and I said, I love you. So much. And I was laughing because it was just exactly what I needed. Like, I just needed that comfort of knowing, like, okay, I'm doing a great job. Liam knows I'm doing a great job. All is well. And Marcus goes, he's here, babe. He's here. Because, like, his head was out at this point. And then I had my third push, and I tore a tiny bit upward, and I felt that, and I, like. Anyway, so the. It wasn't like a. Oh, my gosh, this is the most painful thing. Like, my body's being split open. But, like, I could. I felt that I had a tiny tear upward delivering Drew, and I didn't tear with my first two at all, but I still handled that really well. Um, and after Drew came out on the third push, he came from behind, so through my legs. So Marcus caught Drew, and he hadn't, like, the umbilical. The umbilical cord was around his neck once, so they had to, like, lift that up off from around his head. And as soon as he was out, I, like, swing my leg over the umbilical cord so I can turn around and see if we had a boy or a girl. And Marcus and I basically saw at the exact same time, and Marcus was so freaking thrilled that it was a boy. And I just felt like I knew it. Like, it was just confirmation. Like, I knew my entire pregnancy that I was having a boy. And Marcus started, like. Marcus started out thinking it was a boy, but after that one ultrasound that we had, he was like, oh, my gosh, it's a girl. We're having a girl. And even during my labor, he was like, remy's on her way. And I was like, it's Drew. It's Drew. Drew's. Drew's on the way. And it was so amazing that we were just, like, both in awe that we got our third boy. We've both really talked about and wanted all boys since before we had kids. So this is, like. It's just a dream come true that we got our third boy, and we're that, like, we're creating that vision that we've had for ourselves in our life since before we even had kids. And anyway, so I laid down on the. On the mat. They got it all cleaned up for me. They. I was needing to deliver my placenta, and I just felt, like, so good. And I didn't have contractions yet to deliver the placenta. That probably took, like, 15 minutes after or so that we delivered that. No problems. And we waited until the placenta was delivered to. To Clamp the cord. So we waited, like, a good 15 minutes before clamping the cord. Clamp the cord. Liam got to cut the cord, which he was really excited about doing. I mean, he was. Liam was seriously right there for all of it. He was so excited. He. He did amazing. After I delivered the placenta, I got in bed and got drew latched, and he did amazing. He latched for, like, 20 minutes. The first time. I was like, oh, my gosh, this is, like, so good. And, yeah, there is some pain there because that kicks up the cramping of your uterus drinking. And my nipples are going to be sore the first time. But, like, yes, I'm experiencing all that, but my head was in such a good place, and I'm like, it's okay. It's okay that this feels uncomfortable. It's okay that there's some pain here. This is all normal. It's all natural. I'm doing a great job. Liam's right here. And Liam brought me a tiara that I have. He brought it to me and put it on my head, and then they took a picture of us. And he just, like, the way he was holding me and the way he was smiling, it's like he was smiling so proud that I'm his mom. And I look at that picture, and I'm just bummed that Luke isn't in it, honestly, because I'm like, this is my favorite family picture ever. Because it's just, I'm the mom. Like, I don't even know how to explain that besides saying, I am the mom. This. It's. I don't even know. Lack of words there. You guys will know what I'm talking about when you see the picture. But anyway, Liam puts this tear on my head. He's all fascinated with Drew, so excited that he has his little brother. Liam thought it was a boy the entire pregnancy, too. He was. He was like, it's a boy, it's a boy, it's a boy. And anytime someone said, like, well, what if it's a girl? He was like, it's not. It's a boy. Like, it's like he knew the whole time. And he would get so annoyed when other people would say that it's a girl. And I guess he just really didn't know, and that's why it was so annoying to him. But anyway, that was. We stayed up for. Until about 3, 3:30, because my midwife stayed for two hours, and they just stayed on the couch. Like, they didn't keep us up for two hours. I drank some orange juice and I ate half a peanut butter sandwich. I don't have a huge appetite after I have a baby. It takes me. It honestly takes me like over a day to get an appetite, but I. I still try to, like, drink a lot of calories and electrolytes and do what I can, but I honestly feel really nauseous that I don't want to eat a lot. And then my appetite picks up about after 24 hours. So anyway, that first night, I mean, we only really slept from 3:30 to 7 because my kids are up. Even Liam, he still got up, but like he always does. Then we just. We just snuggled up. We just snuggled up on the couch. We showed Luke Drew, and Luke was instantly in love with him. So it just. It was such a. On a perfect experience for me and for my family, and I'm so glad that it worked out exactly the way that it did. And even if this is my last baby, I've been thinking a lot about that because I had my miscarriage in October, before having Drew, before getting pregnant with Drew. And I've been thinking a lot about that, of how I know now that I'm not entitled to be pregnant just because I want to be pregnant. I'm not entitled to experience birth again just because I want to. Like, I need to take life and what it gives me as it gives it to me and not feel like, oh, well, I. I'm a woman, so I should be able to do this right? Like, I've had three other kids. Why can't I have another? Like, just finding peace with what I've been given and staying hopeful for what I get in the future. And looking at life as this is happening for me. Like, I love life. Everything that happens in my life is happening for me. And if you're familiar with my story at all, I've had a lot of hard things happen to me too. But now just seeing who I am as a person, especially as a mother, I. I have so much gratitude for my entire story. The hardest parts, the best parts, the highs of highs and the lowest of lows. I'm just so grateful for all of it. Everything that I've experienced, even when, like, I hated myself and I hated my life at that time, and I made really bad choices in life. Like, I just feel like I wouldn't be the mother that I am today if I didn't make all of those choices. If. If I didn't get to experience all of the things in my life that have happened, I wouldn't Be who I am. And I don't know. I don't know. Would I prioritize mother the motherhood the way that I do? Would I prioritize teaching my kids the things that I teach them and. And parenting the way that I parent? If I didn't go through all that I went through, I. I don't see why I would. Why would I teach my kids about predators and their body parts and how to stay safe? And why would I talk to them in certain ways and, and prioritize, like, the language I use with them when it comes to I am statements like, why would I do any of that if I never struggled with it myself? It wouldn't even be on my mind. Right. So I'm just grateful that I have gotten to experience all that in my life and use it as lessons for my kids and teaching them things that I honestly wish I would have known sooner and helping them be better people than I was throughout my life. Like, I want them to be better faster than I was able to find that path. And. And I think that's a beautiful part of motherhood, like turning your pain into purpose and, and painting a story for yourself. That's like. It all has so much meaning now. And I get to help my kids be better people than I learned how to be until way later. They're going to be good people now, and we're gonna. And we're gonna do that together. And I also know that if my kids ever make mistakes, I am maybe quite possibly the best person for them to talk to, because I've made a lot of them too. And I love this about my husband, but he's. He's never made the type of decisions that I made in life. Like, he. He's definitely the. I mean, if I could, like, prepare my kids to be like someone, I would want them to be like my husband. But knowing that the possibility of them making mistakes is there, I'm grateful that I'm here to bring some realistic expectations into the picture. And I. I just know, like, you know, if you go make a bad choice, I am probably gonna be the best person for you to relate to. And maybe you won't relate to your dad as much because he's never really made bad choices. Um, which I love. Like, I love that they have that example, but it's not their only example. I feel like my family's very well balanced with me and him, our kids. So anyway, friends, that's. That's the birth stuff story. It all went so beautiful. Better than. Better than I could have, like, decided for myself. I'm so glad that I had even. Just. Even the painful moments and experiences, and even with that little tear, I know some of you, like, oh, my God, she tore. Like, that must have been the most excruciating thing. It really wasn't, honestly. And it was so minor that she. My midwife was like. Because she was looking. And I was like, did I tear? Because I thought I did. And she was like, I'm not seeing anything yet. And she was looking, like, low. And I was like, no. When I had him, it felt like I tore upward. And I think it's amazing that I was able to explain to her where I think I tore, and then she was able to find it. I'm like, oh, yeah, because I know my body, and I am in tune with it. And that just felt like. I love my body so much, and I just. I love that. So anyway, I was able to tell her where to look, and there was a small. A small tear, and she was like, well, you know, delivering this way, that makes a lot of sense. And she's like, it could use a stitch. And I flat out told her, if it does not have to have a stitch, please don't put a stitch is what I told her. And she's like, honestly, it can heal on its own. Just don't sit, crisscross, like, in the next 24 hours. Tears like this heal really quickly. You just don't want to be in a position where, like, you're keeping it open, but it's not going to affect, like, functionality or anything like that. So I told her. I was like, don't stitch it. I will lay on my side. Whatever I need to do. Don't stitch it. So the assistant was like, yeah, just with a tear. Just stay mindful. Like, it's gonna burn when you go pee for the first time, but that's pretty much the extent of it. I was like, okay. And, yes, it did burn very bad the first time I went pee, but it only burned the first two times I went pee. And then it was healed. Like, I cannot believe how freaking fast that healed. I can't believe how. I mean, seriously, my body blows me away postpartum, and I still have the discomfort, the aches, the pains, the uterus shrinking back down. Even with Drew, I feel like that those cramps were way more intense than with Liam, with. With Liam and Luke. So I don't know if it just gets more intense with each baby, but I am so impressed with my body, like, just so freaking Impressed that it can heal so quickly, that I can support it in these ways, and it can birth a baby and still let me talk to my other two toddlers and, like, function in my home and. And rest and recover and just be so kind to me is what it feels like. It feels like my body's being so kind to me to still allow me to do these things, even if it's, like, sitting down and resting and talking to my kids. Like, I just. I feel so grateful. I just. This whole freaking experience has been amazing, which is why I'm like, oh, my gosh. I really want to do this again. But I. I also feel very at peace that Drew might be our last, and that's okay, too, and just grateful for that entire experience. And, actually, Liam just walked into my room. Hey, Liam, I have a question for you. Did you get to watch baby Drew be born? Yeah. What did you think about baby Drew being born? Well, whatever you think. You can say that if you want. Mom was naked. Yeah, I was naked. What else? What else happened? What do we say? The baby comes out? The baby came out. Are you glad that you were there, or do you wish you weren't there? I'm glad about I was there. You're glad that you were there. You are the sweetest kid in the whole world. What did you. And I got some keys, and you have some keys. That's how he just opened my bedroom door with some keys. Can you tell mama? Come here. Come here. I have one more question. I have one more question. Can you tell mama, did it sound scary when I was talking whale, or was it funny? It was funny. It was funny. What did it sound like? Do you remember it was saying, that's the heartbeat? Yep. They checked the heartbeat when mommy was in the bathtub to make sure Drew was okay. Huh. But do you remember what it sounded like when mommy was talking to the whales and singing and hum in a song? Mo is talking to the whale. He's all excited that he can see, like, his voice on the computer, but I am so glad Liam was there. He's telling you for himself he's four years old, that he's glad he was there. I'm four. You are four, and you're so smart. Is there anything else you want to say? Okay. All right, friends, I think that's a beautiful way to wrap this up. I'm so grateful that we were able to experience it the way that we did, and now my family's ready for all of us to hang out again together. So love you Friends, I'll be talking to you real soon. And remember. Okay, one more thing. Whatever you want to say, whatever you can say that I choose it. Oh, okay. Okay. He's talking about his own toots now, so we're gonna move on. But. And I got a tooth when I. On the bathroom. Yes, on the toilet. But I wanted to remind you guys that if you have the alignment journaling course, this month's topic for August is postpartum. So the first email I sent out, we were talking about self forgiveness and intuition. Hold on. Mommy's turn. Self forgiveness and intuition. So I, I sent out an email t teaching you how to use the alignment journaling method to focus on self forgiveness and intuition so that you can get to a better place there. But we will have more emails going out talking about pain, those cramps and uterus contracting back down to size, breastfeeding, night sweats, nighttime waking, sleep, communication, hormones, emotions. Like all of the things that I'm personally experiencing right now and firsthand I am sharing in those emails. So all you need to do is make sure that you have the alignment journaling course and that your email is subscribed to the email list and you should automatically be getting them. And I'm really excited for you guys because I really hope that all of that mental rehearsal and getting your head to a positive space that just focuses on how capable you are serves you as much as it has served me for the past three years. But especially during this pregnancy and postpartum, those are. That's all mummy's voice. So I'm gonna wrap things up. Sweet friends, I hope you enjoyed this. And check out the Instagram so that you. Oh, one more thing. Check out the Instagram story so you can see the birth story and pictures on there. Liam has one more thing that he'd like to say. Here you go. Last thing. Hurry. I was doing some. I was watching a buzz white room movie and then it got over. Oh yeah, now it's over. Now we go play. Okay, friends, I will see you later. See you later. Thank you for joining me on this week's episode. If you enjoyed the podcast, don't forget to subscribe and share it. I love spreading the message of how positivity can come in so beautifully to help you through your journey of self discovery and healing. I'm cheering for you. I believe in you and I'll talk to you really soon.