3. How Identity & Mindset Work Together

Hello, my beautiful friend, and welcome to the Mind Body Alignment podcast. This is a place for us to come together and not only understand who we are, but how to become exactly who we want to be while developing the right skills and tools to help us do so. I'm your coach, Tessa Romero, and I can't wait to get started. Hey, girlfriend. It is time to start talking about your mindset and how exactly it works directly with your identity. So if you have not yet listened to the identity episode that I did last time, what is identity? Please listen to that before you dive into this episode because it will help you tremendously in taking back control over your mindset. Because the wonderful part about identity and mindset is they are absolutely within your control because you control what you think, what you say and what you do. Nothing more, nothing less. My goal in this week's episode is for you to see the direct relation between your identity and your mindset and how exactly they control the actions that you take every single day. Now remember, identity is permission to be exactly who you want to be without fear of judgment or failure. In future episodes, we'll be able to break down identity and why it is that you think the way that you do about yourself. But for now, I want you to think of this as only how you view yourself, and then we'll talk about other parts of identity in episodes to come. But for now, how do you think about yourself? Now consider mindset. What exactly is your mindset? And if we really wanted to, like, look at a definition, what would it be? Well, if you Google the definition of mindset, it says the established set of attitudes held by someone. So think about that. What is your established set of attitudes that you hold about day to day things in your life, or maybe bigger concepts in your life? That is your mindset. It's how you think about things. And everybody has a mindset. And whether or not someone would like to admit it, your mindset is absolutely in your control. You have decided to think this way about something and even go as far to challenge those thoughts or not challenge those thoughts. These are all decisions that we make every single day in so many different ways. And it all stems back to your identity. Who you believe you are is the reason why you think the way you do. Now, obviously there's going to be a lot of moving parts to why you believe you are who you are. And that can come from childhood. It can come from being bullied, experiencing shame, or holding anger against yourself from different experiences. And that's why I love the concept of self forgiveness so much. And again, I'm just jumping all over the place right now because I get so excited. But we are going to stay on topic, Tessa, about identity and mindset and how they work together so that you can be who you want to be. Okay, here's an example of how it is that your identity and your mindset work together. Together. Identity. I am a present, active, healthy, joyful, available and creative mother. Oh, that just gives me chills because I love it so much. Now think about the situation. Maybe you're trying to get your workout done, but your 5 month old is being very fussy over on the play mat. Your old mindset might be saying, or this could be your current one, but in this example, it's the old mindset. This is why I can never do anything for myself. I have to stop my workout and take care of the baby. So the mindset is really saying like, this is so difficult to work out with my baby. That's the mindset. It's too hard, can't do it. And here's why. You're like proving to yourself why you can't do it. But the new mindset is gonna instead think about the identity because identity and mindset work together to create your actions. So this new mindset in this example is now going to say, how can I be that present active, healthy, joyful, available, excited, creative mother? Right now I know I'll pick up thy baby and hold him during my workout until he calms back down. Because he will. And if he doesn't, well, good freaking job, mama. Now you've got an extra like £20 to hold in your workout. I think you're killing it. Now. Do you see the difference? My identity controlled the way I decided to show up and my mindset gave me the plan to follow in that situation. Remember, your identity gives you unlimited permission to to be exactly who you want to be without fear of judgment or failure. And your mindset tells you how to do it. It's that belief that you have about something that's your mindset. Everyone's got a mindset and it's telling you what to do every single day. But it's not without direction. Identity is the direction. Mindset is the game plan. I think a really great example of this in my personal life is when I think about the mindset that I used to have around working out when I had first met my husband and I wanted to be healthier, get fit, lose weight. Like I had all of these goals and I definitely didn't have like, the healthiest view on food at all. I really thought that running literally was the only form of exercise. That's where I was at. Okay, friends. So my husband, he was going to school to get his master's in sports conditioning and performance. So he was all about weightlifting and, like, he really knew the science behind all of it. So I decided to trust him and kind of let him guide me on my fitness journey and my health journey. Well, he wanted to start me with some weightlifting and high intensity interval training. And the first time that we went into weightlifting, I was like, no, I am not about to get bulky. So my mindset was so fixated that when you lift weights, you will get bulky. That's the first part situation. Second, he tells me, like, pick up this bar. Now, if you're unfamiliar with weightlifting, a bar, a barbell is 45 pounds. Typically, the one that they have is 45 pounds. So he told me to pick it up, and I go to pick it up. And I was like, I don't know who you think I am, but that is way too heavy. Like, I totally told him off. And I'm just like, it's just a funny little thing now. But then I was dead serious. My mindset was so, so set that I am weak. I don't want to get bulky. This is stupid. I hate this. Like, I had such a negative mindset around anything that he said. So it was so difficult for me to even want to implement anything because I already decided that I didn't like it. Now, similar to that exercise example, think about meal prep or cooking in general. Not even meal prep, but just cooking. So many people tell me, oh, I hate cooking. Okay, well, hate to freaking break it to you, but if you are literally saying, I hate cooking, you will hate the entire process of cooking. You'll hate going grocery shopping, you'll hate cutting up your vegetables, you'll hate having the stove going or thinking of new recipes, like, you won't enjoy any of it. And then that will make your entire health journey very difficult in an uphill battle. Because something so fundamental, such as, like, preparing meals for yourself and being willing to learn about food is something you've already decided you hate. Now, that's kind of the mindset behind things. But think about our identity. If your true identity, all of the I ams, and really the foundation of everything that stands on is things like, I am inconsistent, I am exhausted, I am overwhelmed, I am lazy, I am a procrastinator. I am all of these really negative, low vibrational terms. If that's how you're viewing yourself. Then that idea that mindset is going to be wrapped up and intertwined with all those things. So a direct example is overwhelmed. I am overwhelmed. That's an identity. So if you're taking on overwhelm as your identity when you go to look at cooking, I'm sorry, sister, but it's not going to be a pleasant process. Now flip it around. If you say I am creative, well, you can take that part of your identity and say, how can I be creative with my nutrition because I already know I'm creative. And then you'll trigger that mindset to kick in and say, oh, here's a great way to be creative. Let's try this new recipe. Let's try a food that we have never had or meal prepping things in advance or a different snack to have available in the fridge. Like your mindset will flourish with all of these wonderful solutions to your problem because your identity said you can do it and your mindset says you're right. Whether you like your identity or you don't like your identity, that's what your mindset is attached to. A really good visual for you to think about identity and mindset. And something I love to share with my clients is being able to imagine an anchor. Your anchor is your identity. It is just the foundation of everything and it's keeping everything so stable. Now imagine there's a ship above the water. Well, those are your actions. That's what everybody's going to see if. And what connects the ship to the anchor is mindset. That's the chain. Right? So they are all connected. Even though they are different parts, they work together for the overall goal. And if you really want to change what the ship is doing, those actions go down the chain. Okay, follow the chain. Where does it go? To the anchor. So what is check in on your anchor. Okay, who are you? Go back to the identity. Identity gives you permission to be exactly who you want to be without fear of judgment or failure. And if you want to take back ownership over your life, you got to start taking ownership over the way that you talk to yourself. And a huge reason why I love identity so dang much. And the way that it works with mindset is because all you're doing is training your brain to be your own best friend. B Y O B be your own bestie. That's what I teach my clients in Mind body alignment, my one on one coaching program. Because if you are not willing to show up and be your own best friend, it doesn't matter if your best friend calls you right the second and says, oh, my God, girl, you are such a rock star. I'm so proud of you. And everything that you're doing, you're doing incredible. Your mind is still going to say, oh, my God. She has no idea that all of these things around me are falling apart, and I'm super inconsistent, and I never do what I say I'm going to do. She has no idea. Like, I don't know who she is. And that is awful. When someone compliments us, we want to be able to accept that compliment. But if you don't have a mindset that compliments you or an identity that says, hey, look how awesome I am, you're never going to accept those compliments. I'm sorry, but you're just not going to. So train your mindset, byob. Show up and tell yourself what you need to hear, when you need to hear it, because you're the only person that can do that. You can have the most amazing partner on the planet. And let's say he goes to work and you're at home with the kids or whatever the roles are and how that looks for you. He doesn't know what happened at work or at home. It's up to you to tell him or to call him, be like, hey, I need this. Well, what if you were in your own mind, talking yourself up, telling yourself the things that you need to hear? That would be a huge game changer for you, right? Yes, of course it would. But this week, I wanted to end with a little bit of, like, an interactive activity for us to do together. And if you don't know this already, I am a huge fan of journaling. So if you could get out a piece of paper and a pen, and all you're gonna do is draw two lines down your paper long ways, whatever that is. And this is what we're gonna do. So the first step. In the first column, I want you to write down. I am. And one line after the other. Under that, I want you to write down all of the ways you would describe yourself. Just single descriptive terms. How would you describe yourself? And. And don't only write down positive things. I know that's really tempting. I freaking get it. But that's not gonna help you. Like, we need to be honest. And don't worry, because no one has to see your paper ever. You could burn it right after this, and I won't even tell anybody. So, anyway, we're gonna write down. I am kind of doing this with You. And then one line after the other. I just want you to write down, how would you describe yourself? The good, the bad, the things you wanna change, whatever it is. If you commonly say I am overwhelmed, exhausted, tired, lazy, procrastinator, fat, ugly, whatever it is, anything that you say I am, write those things down. And you can write positive things too. I am productive. I am intentional. I am mindful, I am passionate. I am vibrant. I am loving, I'm kind. Write it all down in that first column, okay? And then you're going to hit your line down that first line. And then in the second column, I want you to think about where does your mindset attach to this term? So let's go with overwhelm. I'm just going to write that down so you don't keep forgetting. Okay? So I am overwhelmed. That's the term that we wrote in the first column and the second column. We're thinking about our mindset every day. How does your mindset show up whenever you say I am overwhelmed? What does it do? What is it saying to you? Oh, yeah, you're right. You are overwhelmed. Because let's look at all these things that you haven't done yet. Or look at her over there because she's just excelling and you're not there yet. Like, you're behind on this. You haven't got this done like, or all of these other things. And one more thing on your plate, you don't know how to say. No. Whatever it is, write that in the middle column and really describe it to yourself. I want you to get a crystal clear picture of how it is that your identity and mindset are working together. Okay? And then you're going to hit that second line that you drew down the down your paper and you're going to think about the actions. You're going to write down all the actions that have come from that identity and mindset. Because identity plus mindset equals actions. Little formula. Go ahead and use it. I know, I'm just like a mathematician over here. So the overwhelm has led to constantly finding all of the exhausting, negative things going on in your life. And the actions have led to shutting down, numbing, binge eating, emotional eating, lashing out at your partner. What actions or procrastinating what actions have followed that identity and mindset. And I mean, like I said, go through every single term that you wrote down. Even if it was a wonderful term. Like, let's say you wrote down how positive you are. I am positive. What kind of mindset do you have? Well, I'm constantly just looking at the bright side of things and finding great solutions. So what actions come from that? Well, the actions are always being a great friend for people to call, or having awesome conversations with my significant other, or telling my kids how wonderful a job they're doing because I'm noticing what they're doing instead of the things that they didn't do. So that's just a little exercise that you can put yourself through. All you need is a pen and piece of paper and it can really just open up your mind to see where you're at currently. If you ever want to become who you want to be, you first have to start with who you are today. Get to know her, learn to love her, and learn to accept her so that you can say, hey, I love you so much. I want us to be better together. And honestly, girlfriend, I believe that all women, every single woman on the planet can be exactly who she wants to be without fear of judgment or failure. And I am excited to teach you how to do it. So if you're excited to continue learning with me, make sure you hit that subscribe button. I would love for you to leave a rating on this podcast. Whatever you feel in your heart that it is, I would love to see it. And if you could leave a review that's even better. Remember, you can connect with me on Instagram as well. Body by Mommy and I've left in the show notes the link that you can use to apply for my coaching program if this is something that interests you and you would like help moving through deeper. Because my one on one coaching is a 12 week in depth one on one program that I've created based off of my own personal experiences and struggles and how exactly I got to become who I am today in my life and really just throw thriving because I've been through this. I've been in your shoes. From not knowing who I am to having the crappiest mindset, terrible health habits, and also the burden of shame on my back where I just felt like I could never even be who I want to be because I was awful and I didn't love myself. So I'm extremely passionate about helping you through that and if it's something that interests you, make sure you click to apply. It is such a wonderful privilege of mine to be here with you in this space and I hope that you find all the value out of our time together.