38. Only Do What You Want to Do

Hello, my beautiful friend, and welcome to the Mind Body Alignment Podcast. I'm your host, Tessa Romero, and also your coach. I'm here to teach you powerful skills and tools to not only know who you are, but how to become exactly who you want to be, with a mindset that finally supports you. I'm so grateful that you're here.

Let's get started. Oh, man, it is January 11th. I hope your new year is off to a fantastic start. And you know what? If it hasn't been, if you feel like you've already failed the New Year's resolutions, you aren't doing the things you said you're gonna do this year. Remember that? It's only the 11th day of the year. That's it. That's it. And I'm truly hopeful that this podcast episode serves you. As we talk about how to only do what you want to do, I truly can tell you guys that I only do what I wanna do, not because I don't have pressing things and responsibilities and commitments, but because of my mindset about it. And it gives me an additional source of energy to show up as who I want to be in those commitments that I have that I've put on my plate and in the roles that I've accepted to show up in in my life. I feel very empowered to do these things, and I want to give you just one more tool to help you do so right now. So, real life, friends, I told myself, this new Year, that's it. I am waking up before my boys. I'm getting back into journaling first thing in the morning, and then going into a workout, get myself ready. I deserve this, and I truly believe that. But it hasn't happened yet. Except today. Today was truly the first day that I had a morning routine that completely aligns with who I want to be, the energy that I want to have, and the way that I just want to show up in my life the first day. And today is January 11th. So I'm just encouraging you that you're not too late. You just need more skills and tools to support you in what you truly want. And when you have a mindset that views everything you do as something you want to do. For some of us listening to this, it feels bizarre. Like, what do you mean you only do what you want to do? And then maybe someone else is thinking, oh, that must be nice. Must be nice to only do what you want to do. I have to do everything that needs to get done because I'm the only one that will do it. And if you catch your mind going to these places, ask yourself, how empowered do I feel? How empowered do I feel to be who I want to be, to do what I want to do in life? You probably don't feel very empowered. Because saying things like, I have to do all of these things because no one else will, I have to do this. I have to do this. That's a victim mentality. Yes, that's a victim mentality. And we're not thriving and empowered in that place of the victim mentality. So we need to do some more episodes on the victim mentality, specifically how you can help yourself, catch yourself, things like that. But right now, I just want you to catch that and know, like, hold on, I'm not thinking in a place of empowerment. Let me try again. Don't shame yourself. Don't criticize yourself. You're not gonna thrive with constant criticism, but you can observe without judgment. So as you're listening to this episode and I'm explaining to you how you can do the things, do only things that you want to do. Truly, I only do things that I want to do. I joke about it with my husband all the time. I only do what I wanna do. And it doesn't mean that I don't have commitments, right. Responsibilities, and to condition myself to show up to those things. Because I'm not saying I always feel like I want to do these things, but I know deep down I'm only doing what I want to do. And that's what I want to help you with today. So today, like I said, was my first time getting back into my morning routine. And it was wicked hard. It was so freaking challenging. Truly, I feel, I felt like. So Drew woke up at 5:30 to eat, and I lay him back down to go to sleep after I feed him. So I get that. I get up out of bed, like, no hesitation. I know my baby's crying. I'm gonna walk over to his room. We just barely moved him into his room. My baby's crying. I'm gonna get up, I'm gonna walk over to his room and I'm gonna nurse him. I didn't have one thought that said I'm not gonna feed him this morning. You know, he just doesn't deserve to eat right now or, Nah, yeah, I'm gonna make him wait. Like, I didn't have any thoughts like that. It was, oh, Drew's up, he's ready to eat. I'm gonna go feed him. Because it just, to me, it's non negotiable to me. That it's unacceptable for me to not feed him when I know, like, this is the time that I feed him. This is the time that he's expecting to eat. This is a routine that I have built, I have set, and this is what we're doing. So you see, when you have these thoughts that are saying, like, this is just what we do, we don't argue with the circumstance. He shouldn't be up right now. I can't believe he wants to eat right now. This is so unexpected. Like, we're not arguing the circumstances. We're looking at the circumstances for what they are. And then we're choosing what we're gonna do about them. We're choosing what we're gonna think about them. For me personally, it's very easy for me to get up out of bed whenever my baby cries, to tend to him, to, to meet his needs, to feed him. Whatever it is that I'm gonna, that I do in those circumstances, it's easy for me to do that because it's just non negotiable. Now, waking up early to work out, waking up early to journal, that has not quite found its non negotiation, non negotiable spot in my mind yet. Right now it feels highly negotiable in my mind is being very creative and how to talk me out of doing it. So anyway, I am in my pajamas, I walk over to Drew's room, I feed him and I leave his room. And then at that point, it was like 5:40 or something like that. And I felt like even while I was sitting there rocking him, my eyes felt so heavy, my body just was not awake. And I'm sitting there in the rocking chair nursing him and I felt like every thought I was consciously aware of, which means even more of the ones that I was not consciously aware of were doing this. Every thought that I was consciously aware of was trying to talk me out of it. Just go back to sleep. You feel way too tired. What's the rest of the day gonna look like if I choose to stay up right now, when I already feel tired right now, I'm gonna feel exhausted by 10. Like my mind was doing that. Even though I know that's not true. I know from past experience that when I do wake up, even if I feel super tired, I know that there have been times in my life where I was waking up at 4:30 and I felt amazing and I was waking up on my own and I would journal and I would exercise and I would read and then my kids would get up and we'd make breakfast at 7:00am like, we had this wonderful routine that I truly want to get back to. And having a baby, you just. You learn a new routine right there. There are things that you decide, okay, this matters more than doing things the way that I've always done them. I really want to spend this time adapting, learning about my new baby, having how to have a routine that serves all of us. Like, we make these choices in our life not because we have to. We don't have to. We want to. We want to learn about a baby. We want to find a new routine that serves everyone. And right now, the needs look very different because there's baby that has needs. And I have toddlers that has needs. And I have needs. So anyway, I felt like every conscious thought that I had was trying to talk me out of it. And I had already decided, like, I had already committed to myself. What does it mean to me if I go back to sleep right now? How am I truly gonna feel about myself the rest of the day if I go back to bed? Yes. Right now, my focus, my mindset is focusing on what I want and going back to sleep. I want the easy. I wanna do what's easy. I wanna go back and lay down in my bed because it's easier. But it's not because it's truly what I want. What I truly want is that morning routine. I know that's what I want. I've been thinking about it for the past six months. I've been trying in several different attempts. And then we had a sleep regression. Then we had sickness, and I was prioritizing other things. And I can own that. But right now, there's absolutely no reason why I can't have this morning routine for myself. There's no reason why. No good reason why. So anyway, listening to these thoughts, I made the conscious decision to go down to my basement instead of to my bedroom. And that felt so hard. It felt so hard. But I was holding myself accountable. Like, okay, Tessa, you told yourself last night that you were gonna wake up and you were gonna do this in the morning. So what does it say about you if you don't keep the commitments you make to yourself? If you don't follow through on the things that you say you're gonna do, what does it say about you? Do you like that version of you? You guys know how big of a believer I am in identity? I'm not trying to jack up my identity just to do what's comfortable. Like, no, I've got to get uncomfortable. I have to allow myself to be comfortable with discomfort. And I need to work back into that because it's been six solid months of going back to sleep. So, anyway, come downstairs. It felt super hard. All the thoughts were still there about how I don't want to do this. I'm probably just going to fall asleep while journaling because I feel so tired and I can't wake up. And I did something different this morning than I've even done in the past. And before I sat down to journal on my couch down here, I had put clothes, workout clothes, on my counter the night before because, again, I told myself I was going to do this. So I was like, well, I'm going to help myself prepare for it. So I already had my tennis shoes and my workout clothes on the counter in my basement. So instead of going right to the couch, sitting down, and trying to, you know, get my mind and body working for me again, I decided, nope, I'm gonna stand right here and I'm gonna change my clothes. And I did. I didn't want to do that, but I wanted to wake myself up. So I'm focusing on what I want in all of this. Do I want to go back to sleep? That seems like the thing that I really want. But what I truly want is, is the morning routine. So I'm gonna walk through the phases of discomfort. I'm going to recondition my mind, I'm going to recondition my body to crave this morning time again, because I know it's possible, and that's what I truly want for myself. So when I say, like, I only do the things I want to do, it's because I'm focusing on what I truly want. Do I wanna get up right now and unload the dishwasher? Not always. But I want dishes that are ready for me. I want the dishwasher empty so I can constantly be loading it throughout the day and serve myself and not have a pile of dishes because I'm so fortunate to have a dishwasher. And the times that I didn't have a dishwasher, it was washing dishes throughout the day so that I didn't have this huge pile to get to at the end of the night. And I did that when we didn't have a dishwasher. So when you condition your mindset to focus on what you truly want, you can now have a perspective that encourages you and empowers you to know, I do the things that I truly want to do. Even if you feel internal resistance to doing it, Even if You have limiting beliefs that. That aren't really serving you in that moment. You have a greater mindset that can overcome those. You have a greater mindset that can overcome the feelings in your body of craving, the comfort of just crawling back in bed because you've made a commitment to yourself and you've decided, I really want to do the things I say I'm gonna do. I want to follow through. I want to have this morning routine so you see how everything that I do is something I want to do. There are times, friends, that I do not want to make a reel, but I want to post something helpful for people that day, and I truly hold onto that perspective. I want to serve. I want to grow my creative capacity. I want to expand, Expand and challenge myself and come up with new ideas. And the only way that I'm really going to have what I actually want in life is to stay committed, to stay devoted to doing the things that I say I'm going to do, not just when I feel like it. I mean, seriously doing things we say we're going to do, especially when we don't feel like it. That makes a huge difference. So you can truly live your life only doing the things you want to do if you have the right mindset, if you have the perspective that supports you. So after I got dressed in my workout clothes, then I sat down, I did my journaling, and I was so clear on how I have felt intimidated in this season of my life. And I have felt very uncomfortable with this upcoming month for me, I have said yes to opportunities that I've literally dreamed of for the past five years. And they're here. They're right here in front of me, and I feel so intimidated. And instead of sitting there and not doing anything about it, I can acknowledge I feel really intimidated. How am I going to help myself? Because I know for a fact that I that this is an opportunity. I would have fell on the floor if someone offered me five years ago. But now I see how it's so fitting in my life now. And literally the entire month of February, there's four opportunities that I have accepted. And I'm so excited to have the again have the opportunity to do this and to experience it. But I feel so nervous. I feel so intimidated. I feel way outside my comfort zone. I'm doing things for the first time, and. And that's okay. There's a first time for everything. And when I'm allowing myself to have a mindset that says I do the things that I truly want to do, I say yes to these opportunities. Cause that's what I really want. I want these new opportunities. I want to grow into who I want to be more than I want to stay comfortable more than I want what's easy. So recording podcasts, posting reels, doing the things that my kids ask me to do. I want connection with them. I want trust with them. I want them to always know that I am interested in them. So even if it feels inconvenient in the moment, and we tell ourselves, ugh, I don't get to do anything that I want to do. When you have the opportunity to do something that you want to do, are you really doing what you want to do, or are you doing what's easy and comfortable? You tell yourself, I want to start journaling. I want to start building out this strong journaling habit. I want to dive into the alignment journaling course. Maybe you already have it. And when you have any free time, you don't. Maybe you're scrolling your phone, you're watching tv. You aren't figuring out a way to do it with your kids. I journal around my kids all the time. I really believe my kids love writing so much because they see me do it all the time, and I speak positively about it, and I have great experiences with it. I don't say like, oh, I have to write this thing. I have to do this. I don't want to, but I have to. No, I want to journal. I'm sitting down, making this time for myself. This helps me feel my best. I love improving. I love coming up with new thoughts. So that perspective makes a big difference not only in myself, but in them as well. But when you ask yourself, what is it that I truly want to do? I'm sure you've told yourself, you want to change your diet. You want to wake up early and have a morning routine. You want to go on a daily walk. We all have great intentions. We all have great intentions. We say we want these wonderful things in our lives. We want to start our own business, whatever it is. And then when we have the opportunity to focus on that, we let our feelings become the leaders. Well, I don't feel like doing it right now, so I'm just not going to. No, no. Feelings are messengers, not leaders. And if you really want to have a perspective that holds onto I do. Like, I only do what I want to do. You're gonna have to think greater than the way you feel in that moment. You're gonna have to think greater than the circumstance that's right in front of you so that you can see how to support yourself through it, how to create more of the feelings you want to be feeling instead of just perpetuating the cycle of the feelings that you've always had. If you wanna create something new, you gotta do something new. You have to do something different. So after I got my workout clothes, I did my journaling. It felt so good. I went over to my workout room and I started my workout and I just listened to Andy Grammer and I was literally just charged with energy. It was a 30 minute difference from the time I was feeding Drew and saying, there's just no way I can't do this, you know, acknowledging that, you know, I have these negative thoughts that are not serving me. And what I know I really want for myself. So I'm going to have to think greater than those right now. I'm going to have to try really freaking hard to do the thing I said I'm gonna do and follow through on my commitments because it's who I am. And I was leaning so strongly into my identity to do that and forcing thoughts to serve me. Because I have a conscious voice in my mind. Am I willing to use it? Am I willing to say what I really want is to have this morning routine? And what ended up happening was I had a wonderful workout. Like, so good. Luke woke up early for whatever reason, but he came downstairs 10 minutes into my workout. And again, instead of saying, of course you're up early, I said, hey, buddy. He's like, can you come to my room? No, no, I'm not gonna go to your room. I want to work out right now. But I will get you a blanket and you can sit down here with me. Got him a blanket. He sat down there with me. And again, like, I allowed myself to fully enjoy my time spent working out, even if the circumstances weren't exactly what I was anticipating. I wasn't anticipating him to wake up. But that's okay. I swear. I've been doing that my entire life in motherhood, has been one of my kids waking up early whenever I do. Like, that's what it feels like. But anyway, this mentality, let's. Let's talk more about that. That you're only doing the things that you really want to do, and you can live by that. I only do the things that I want to do. And your mind says, oh, I don't want to get up and feed the baby, but, you know, I want to feed the baby. I want my baby to be fed. I want to show up when my Kids call for me. I want to build that trust with them. I want to. Maybe, maybe you tell yourself, like, I don't want to cook at home. I never just get to go out to eat. You can, you can go out to eat. There's always a way to do what you want to do. And if it matters enough to you, you will find the way. Period. I am a firm believer in that. Even if it takes longer, even if you get have to get really creative and resourceful, there is always a way and you will always be able to find it. When it matters enough to you. And you'll do it. You'll do it because you don't care how long it's gonna take. Just so long as you're going in that direction, you can feel very fulfilled and proud of yourself. You will do it. So only doing the things you want to do is not luck in life. It's not, oh, I'm so lucky. I only do the things that I wanna do in life. No, anyone can do it. With the right mindset, with the right perspective. Everything you do can be something that you want to do if you're willing to find it. Are you willing to look for what you want? In working through that hard moment of feeling limited and like my hard moment this morning, it felt so hard to just not go back to freaking bed. It felt so hard. But now I feel so proud. I'm so proud of myself for doing the thing that I know I really wanted for myself. Even when it felt confusing at the time. I'm so grateful that I held onto what I really want. Are you holding onto what you really want? Are you staying clear on who you really want to be and allowing yourself to show up as that person? Because I am a firm believer, too, that one of the most painful experiences we have in our life is not being who we want to be, knowing what we're capable of, knowing what's possible for us, what's possible in life, and not doing it because we've allowed negative thoughts to paralyze us. We've allowed our temporary feelings that we're feeling right now to become permanent. We've decided, oh, my gosh, I feel sad right now. So this is just who I am. I am sad. I feel angry right now. So I'm just going to carry this anger for 12 years. I did that too. But we don't have to live that way. We do have choices. We get to decide who we are. We get to decide what we think, say and do and help ourselves in our current Circumstances so they do not become our permanent circumstances. Change is the only constant. And when you have a mindset that's supporting you, you will start utilizing that more. You'll really take it to heart like, this is not permanent. And I swear that's what really helped me this time. Postpartum as well, with Drew. I did not know you could be this happy. Postpartum, waking up in the middle of the night several times. Drew's also my only baby that's ever been sick, so that was a whole new experience for me. But even in the middle of that with sick toddlers, my 4 year old is sick, my 2 year old is sick. Drew was sick. They all wanted me. They were sick on Christmas morning. I don't know if you guys saw pictures of Liam, but it was so, so sad. They had croup double ear infections. Liam was about to have a ruptured eardrum. Like it was. There was just so many new things that we were going through all at once. And I felt so peaceful because I just focused on what is in my control, what I think, say, and do. These are the circumstances. I don't control the circumstances. I get to influence them. I have the power to change them, but I don't control them. So when you're in circumstances that you don't love, that's okay. You can acknowledge I don't love these circumstances, but I do believe in my ability to show up through them in a way that I do love. I love the way I'm showing up in circumstances that I don't want to have. It's a mindset. It's a mindset, it's an identity, it's a belief in yourself. So if you're having, you know, it's the new year, you've set goals for yourself this year, you have intentions that you want to strive towards. If it feels really scary and uncomfortable like me this February, I feel scared. I feel uncomfortable. How can you support yourself through that instead of saying, oh, I feel afraid. I must not do this right. I feel so uncomfortable. This must be wrong for me. No, it's new. You don't know how to do it yet. You're learning how to do it as you go. But that means that you're growing, you're becoming. You're allowing yourself to become who you want to be. And that's a great thing. So when you want to build this mindset that you only do the things you want to do, you have to be willing to look for what you truly want. Not the temporary. I Want to sit on my couch. But what do you want done in your home? What environment do you want to live in? What energy do you want to experience in your home and do you want your kids to experience? What habits do you want your kids to witness in you first and then adopt themselves? Those deeper meanings of what we truly want, I believe, are so much more powerful than discipline. And we hear a lot about discipline, and this is all truly connected. But, you know, you need to be disciplined if you want to be successful. You need to be disciplined if you want to reach your goals. If you want to lose weight, you need to be disciplined. And personally, discipline doesn't always align with me in the way that I view myself and the best version of myself, but devoted does. Devoted is like, yes, I want to be devoted. I want to be the person that does the things they say they're going to do. That proves what can be done, that pushes past that temporary gratification so I can come to long term fulfillment in my life. And I believe devotion does it just as well. And that's what I personally, I don't, I do not tell myself, oh, I am disciplined. I tell myself, I am devoted to. I'm devoted. I do the things I say I'm gonna do. This is who I am as a person, and I'm going to follow through. And that's what, that's what got me through this morning. And really, it was just the hardest part with it. Part of it was when I was sitting in a dark room feeding Drew, because it didn't really show, like, a change in anything. Like, I didn't prove to myself, like, hey, we're going downstairs. We're doing this, because there was still the opportunity to go back to bed. So at that point, it was like the battle in my mind of who's gonna win, the limiting belief or who I know I really am, who's gonna win, what's convenient, or my effort to overcome that. But then once I walked down the stairs and I put on those clothes, like, I knew, I'm doing this, I'm doing this. There's no turning back. There's no going back to bed. I'm not gonna fall asleep on this couch. I'm journaling, and then I'm walking over to my workout room, and I'm gonna have an excellent workout. It's not about if my kids stay asleep, if I start to feel more awake, I, I, I mean, you don't need caffeine to do it for you. You need your thoughts. Because thoughts create Feelings. Caffeine is not going to create the feelings that you want to experience. Your thoughts are going to do that. And I want you to tap into that power as much as you can this year, just like I am. So if you're like me, you're getting into a morning routine, I hope that this serves you. But I mean, with anything that you're trying to do, anything. If you just want to have a better daily perspective, only do the things that you want to do. But what do you really want? What do you really want? How do you want to feel about yourself? What environment do you want to experience? What daily habits again, do you want to model that you see your kids picking up themselves? How do you really want to feel? Is what you want in that moment in alignment with the way that you want to truly feel? Sometimes the answer is a big fat no. It's not in alignment. And that's okay, because you can recondition. You can get there, and I know you can. And I hope that you find resources, like this podcast episode, what I'm posting on social media, on the email list, and my coaching courses. When you pick those up, these resources, I make them all to serve you because I know it's possible. If I can do it, you can do it. And these are just some of the things that have helped me dramatically along the way. And I know they. They can help you, too. So I hope this episode served you. Remember, only do what you want to do. Just figure out what it is that you really want. Get crystal clear. Who do you want to be? How do you want to feel? What environment do you want to be in? And know that the decisions that you make are in alignment with that. I don't want to do the dishes. I want the dishes done. It's just a simple shift, and all of a sudden, you're doing what you really want to do. I don't want to take a deep breath and give my toddler a hug when they're screaming at me. I want there to be love, trust, and connection in this relationship. I want to model behaviors that I want to see in my kids. So you see that. That deeper meaning. And that deeper meaning is what you truly want. So you can, every day of your life, do the things that you really want to do. If you're willing to look for it. If you're willing to look for it. And it can change your whole life. It helps me every single day. So, again, you guys are incredible. I'm so grateful that I get to be pouring into you and resources like this. Check out the Instagram account at Tessaromero. Underscore you can get on the email list. That helps a bunch too. And then go to my journaling course when you're ready because that will change your whole freaking life from the inside out. Just what you think about yourself, what you think about your life, your circumstances. Instead of mentally rehearse what you don't want to happen, right going back to bed, we can start mentally rehearsing what we do want, who we do want to be. And I can teach you how to do that. So I look forward to seeing you inside the course. And of course I will be talking with you next week here on the podcast and daily over on Instagram.

Thank you for joining me on this week's episode. If you enjoyed the podcast, don't forget to subscribe and share it. I love spreading the message of how positivity can come in so beautifully to help you through your journey of self discovery and healing. I'm cheering for you. I believe in you and I'll talk to you really soon.