41. Responding to "I can't" using two powerful mindset tools!

Hello, my beautiful friend, and welcome to the Mind Body Alignment podcast. I'm your host, Tessa Romero, and also your coach. I'm here to teach you powerful skills and tools to not only know who you are, but how to become exactly who you want to be with a mindset that finally supports you. I'm so grateful that you're here. Let's get started. Hello. It's another wonderful week. Oh, my gosh. I'm so grateful to see you here. And I hope that I can just pour into your mental bucket even more so that you can go pour into yourself and really show up as who you want to be. Um, so this week what we're talking about is how I personally, as a mindset coach, choose to respond to my kids when they say I can't. I have two back pocket statements that I say to them every single time. And I'm telling you, I have a four and a half year old and almost three year old and a six month old. So this doesn't really apply to Drewbirds, but with Liam and Luke, this seriously works wonders. And I've been doing it since Liam first told me I can't and he was about two years old. So before I tell you the two statements that I really want you to keep in mind, I want you to one, number one, know that the alignment journaling course right now is focusing on the parenting mindset. So so much of this is what I'm covering in the parenting mindset portion of the alignment journaling course. So all through January and all through February and maybe even March, who knows where it's going to go from here. But I love focusing on one topic every month with the alignment journaling course. And the reason for that is I never want you to feel stuck, stuck in your journaling. I don't want you to feel like, oh, I'm only focusing on this one area and I have no idea how to apply journaling to this other area. So every month I choose a topic and every Monday, I send you a coaching email on that topic. And once a month we have a live coaching session together. So you grab this course one time. One time you grab the alignment journaling course, and it's less than your grocery bill and it will bring you so much more joy than the grocery store ever could, which is just magic. And then when we spend time together, together, and you're using this course, I mean, you can truly transform what you think on a daily basis in just five minutes a day. Five minutes of using this method. And just one more thing. It's not really about what you're writing in your journal, like how much time you're spending in the journal. Because I often get asked that question, like, how. How much do I need to journal every single day? Do I need to fill a whole page? Do I need to journal for 30 minutes? And that's not the focus at all. The focus is sit down and even just write one sentence. Write one sentence in this method and it will start to sink deeper into your mind and retrain you how to think throughout the entire day. It's amazing. So it's not really about what you're writing when you're sitting down or how long you're sitting down to do it. It's about teaching your mind this new way of thinking. So that way, when you close the journal and you show up throughout the rest of the day, your mind knows how to think, how to think. That actually supports you. So the alignment journaling course is so much more than just how to journal pen to paper. It's truly how to start thinking in alignment with who, with who you want to be. And this parenting topic that we've been doing, I am just thriving in it. I love it so much. So if you don't have the alignment drilling course, I promise you it's worth every single penny. Five minutes a day, less than a grocery bill. And imagine if you felt completely different than you do right now, next week. Like you just 10 xed the way that you feel in the best possible way. Like, more gratitude, more joy, more patience, more. More compassion, more love, more play. Like you finally got that wall down in motherhood and you let yourself just be playful. Your whole life would change, your whole parenting journey would change. And I'm just a big, big advocate for it. And beyond that, it's not just about what I'm teaching you. It's about what you're able to now teach your kids. When you know how to do this, you can teach your kids how to do this. So let's jump into this podcast episode. I just wanted to talk about that and why there's so many parenting episodes right now, because that's where my main focus is, in the alignment trillion course. So Liam was about two years old and he had. I. It was me, him and Luke. And Luke was one at this time and. Right. Yeah. No. Goodness, guys, I've got to get these dates right. Holy smokes. Okay. There's a 22 month gap between my boys, so Leah must have been, I don't know, two and a half. Because I remember Luke was getting good at, like, sitting up, so he must have been around six months. So anyway, Liam's about two and a half, and we're in his room, and little baby Luki's there, and it's just the three of us. And Liam takes out this broken toy. He's like, mom, can you fix this? And I say, yeah, I'll go get the screwdriver so you can fix it. Yeah, I can. Let me get you the screwdriver so you can do it. And this is one of my favorite memories of using this, and I have several. Several others with my boys. Because it's just natural for our kids to say, I can't, because maybe they're not instantly getting the results that they thought they would, or the process isn't as easy as they thought it would be or think it should be, whatever it is. So it's natural for them to say, I can't. There's nothing wrong with our kids. There's nothing wrong with us if we're saying that. We just want to teach them how to think greater than the circumstance, think greater than their feelings. And that's what I'm teaching you how to do, too. So I tell Liam, yeah, I can get you a screwdriver, and you can fix it. And of course, at first, he's, like, pumped. He's like, oh, my gosh, I get the screwdriver. I'm gonna fix it. Wow, I'm pumped. So I gave him the screwdriver, and I didn't really give him much direction because it seemed like he knew where to put the screwdriver. He's two and a half. He wants to tinker with it. I'm like, here you go. You just need the screwdriver to fix it. And he starts messing with it, and I know he can do it. I just. I know he can do it. Do you ever know that, like, you see your kids doing something like cleaning up their toys, you know, they can put the toys back in the basket or wherever they go, and they're saying, I can't. Or, you know, they can brush their teeth, brush their hair, put their shoes on, put their jacket on. Just little things. I'm not. I'm not saying just throw your kids into something completely wild and unexpected and then say, I know you can do it. No, I'm just talking about everyday life. Everyday life at home, in their environment, and they're saying, I can't do it. So anyway, I know Liam can fix his toy. It really was just. It was just a simple little thing. And I wanted to see him figure it out. I do love to help my kids a lot, but I really love to see them figure things out. So it's. It's a balance for me of, like, where I love to help them and how I'm helping them and where I allow them to figure it out on themselves. Because ultimately, allowing them to figure it out does help them so much more in the long run than me just stepping in and fixing the toy and then them never learning how to. To fix it themselves the next time it breaks. Because looking at that toy, it's going to break again. So anyway, I give him the screwdriver and he starts tinkering with it. And then he's like, I can't do it. And I was like, at first, you know, the first go around of this, I was like, yes, you can. Yes, you can. Because I know he can do it. And I didn't really have, like, a response besides, yes, you can. And then he tries more, and then the frustration in him is just building. He says, I can't do it, mom. Do it for me, Mom. Will you please fix it? I can't do it. I. And just hearing him say over and over and over again, I can't do just like, struck a chord in my heart. And my mindset coaching gears just started turning. And that is just where I. Where I thrive. If you put me in a situation where mindset applies, which is any situation, really, but the hard moments where mindset is just so relevant, I start thriving. I just love it. To me, it feels like solving a puzzle or getting a riddle right. It just. It's so fulfilling to me. I love to do it. And then what I really love about mindset work is the way it lights someone else up for them to see a perspective they missed the first time that they never considered before. So I experienced that with my kids, with my spouse, with my family members, and especially in mind body alignment and the alignment journaling course when and on Instagram, like, just sharing different perspectives the way it serves other people and truly lights them up. That's my favorite part about it. So beyond solving puzzles and riddles, I really love to see you light up. So anyway, Liam goes on and I tell him, yes, you can. You're just learning how. And once I said that, it just felt so good to say it, like, yes, this is who I want to be as a mother. I don't want to just say, like, you're right, you can't do it. Here, give it to me. And I'll do it for you. Like, I really want him to be able to see this in himself, to see that he can figure out hard things and to show him just how powerful his thoughts are at two and a half years old. I want him to see that because when he turns 4, 5, 6, 18, I don't want him to think like, the first time I think I can't do it, that that's the end. There are so many times during my workouts that I'll notice my mind saying, I can't. And then all of a sudden my body's like, ugh, we can't. And then all the energy's gone. It's like, okay, so as I start to catch those thoughts. Because you don't control all of your thoughts. As soon as I start to catch those thoughts in my workouts, I immediately change my thinking too. I'll change it to how many reps are left. Just one more. I can do one more. Even if there's five left, I just take it one at a time. I can do one more. I do one more. Okay, I can do one more. I do one more and I just focus on the next best step, the first thing to do. So mindset is so. I mean, I still have those I can't thoughts, but I still coach myself through it. So coaching Liam, I just told him, you can. You're just learning how. And it was amazing just watching him and the way that his whole body was responding to that new perspective because thoughts create feelings. So all of a sudden, instead of him thinking, I can't do this, you know, maybe he's thinking, I'll never figure this out. There's something wrong with me. How come I can't get this? Like, I don't know what his whole self talk is like at that point, but as soon as I told him, you're just learning how, it's like this expectation in his mind went away. The expectation of how he should just get it right away went away. And he now is focusing on learning. Oh, I'm learning how. I'm learning how. And I just want you to imagine for a second if you said that to your kids during a moment where they are truly learning how to do something and they felt frustrated because again, it's not happening as fast as they thought it would or think it should. They're not getting it as quickly. And this isn't just for toddlers, teenagers, your spouse, co workers in laws, siblings, like, really anyone learning how to do something, and they come to you and say, I can't do it. You can. You're just learning how. And then build. Build from there what feels natural to. To continue staying from there. Or that's all you can. That's all you need to say you can. You're just learning how to. And you can follow it with, would you like me to show you another way? Because that's part of learning, is learning another way. So would you like me to show you another way? That's. That's a huge next step. And even letting them know things feel hard. When you're learning, that's a sign that you're learning. If it feels hard, that's. That's literally. Look it up. That's literally a sign that you're learning if it feels hard. So that's good. It's good. Hard is not bad. Learning's not bad. But learning can feel hard, and that doesn't make it bad. So just teaching our kids, when they say, I can't, and it's an appropriate situation where they're learning something, you can say you can. You're just learning how. You're learning how to drive. You're learning how to write these reports and papers. You're learning how to apply for the job. You're learning how to fix a toy. We're always learning, and that's a good thing. So we want to make learning something that is positive in their mind, even when it feels hard. So that's my first one that I really, really love is you can. You're just learning how. Now, Liam kept on. Kept on trying, like, going. And he was so close, guys, like, so stinking close to just getting this little part back in there. And I didn't want to step in and take over, especially when he was so close. But he started again. Like, again, it wasn't happening. And he's going, oh, I can't. And he threw the screwdriver. He threw it down. And I go, okay, bud, you can. You just don't want to. It's okay if you don't want to, but you need to say, I don't want to, not that you can't, because you can. And the reason why I phrased it this way is because I am a firm believer that we can do anything we really want to do. If you really want something, there's always a way to figure out how to get it, how to do it, how to learn it, and I firmly believe that, and I want to instill that in my kids. So that's why I phrased it that way. Of okay. It's okay. If you don't want to do this, you can. You just don't want to. And as talking with adults, maybe that means they don't want it bad enough. Maybe it's not what they actually want. I can't start this business. Yes, you can. Maybe you just don't want it bad enough. That's fine. Just say you don't want to, though. And something shifts in us when we focus on what we can and can't do compared to what we do and don't want. Because Liam knows I want this toy fixed. But right now, he's feeling like he can't do it. And when he's that close, it's not about if he can or can't do it. It's do you want to continue trying or do you not want to continue trying? And that's valid. If you don't want to keep trying, I support you. But I'm still not gonna fix the toy because I know you can do it. I will sit here patiently. I will pour into you, I will encour. I will show you another way so that you can try it another way. But I am not going to take over. I'm not going to do that. That's like my personal boundary that I've put up is if I know my kids can do something, I will be right by their side as they figure it out, but I'm not gonna take it over. And I think that's just really important for them to have these opportunities to do it on their own, because when they have the hard moments in life and they want to start their own business or go to college or apply for an internship or, I mean, gosh, build a. Build an incredible product, whatever it is, solve a problem in the world. When they do that, they're gonna come against obstacles, and they're gonna have times where it just feels really freaking hard. And the more opportunities I believe that I give them right now to experience that hardship in a really safe way and overcome those thoughts in their mind that says they can't do it and really just prove all that wrong, then the better off they're gonna be as they experience life and pursue what they really want in life. And I. I don't know. I just. I firmly believe that we can do whatever we want to do so long as we want it bad enough. If you want it bad enough, you can do it fully support you. I will help you freaking figure it out. And when your mind is in that place of I can do anything that I want to do so long as I want it bad enough. Your mind will show you solutions that you would have missed for a million years in the I can't mindset. Your mind is brilliant. It sees things that no one else sees. It sees new perspectives, new solutions, new opportunities, resources to consider. Like, it is wildly brilliant, and you need to direct it where to go. So instead of fighting for the limitations and looking at all the reasons why you can't do it, you're now getting your mind to work with you and show you how this can be done. What are the options? What can I try to do and continue to learn and grow from there? So, anyway, telling Liam you can, you just don't want to. It's not because I don't respect where he's at and his limits. It's because I don't want to instill, you're right, you just can't do it. Is that better? Is it better to tell a child, you're right, you can't do it. Let me do it for you. No, I do not believe that's better to tell a child or really anyone. I believe it's better to tell them you can. You just don't want to. And it's okay if you don't want to, but you need to say, I don't want to, not, I can't, because you can. And that encourages them to see that there's. There's always something they can do. And that's a huge lesson to learn in life, and it's something that we can start instilling in our kids right now. And I've been doing it for years in my boys, and. And I'll tell you guys about that towards the end, but truly, I really don't ever hear them say, I can't. Maybe it's because I've been constantly responding and consistently saying, you can, you just don't want to, or you're. You can, you're just learning how I do hear them say, I'm learning how I do hear them say, this feels hard. I do hear them say, I don't want to, but I can't. Doesn't often show up. I really wouldn't even be able to tell you the last time my kids said, I can't, which I think is incredible. Freaking incredible. Um, so anyway, I tell Liam that, and he just kind of sat there for a second like his wheels were turning, like, I don't want to. And when I showed him that perspective of you just don't want to, it's like, well, now he knows, no, I really do want to do this. He's no longer fighting for I can't. And looking at all the reasons why he can't do it, he's looking at, do I want to or do I not want to do this? Wait, I do want to do this. Okay. How can I do it? Cause it's what he wants. I truly just helped him see what he wants. That's it. By saying, you just don't want to. It's so easy for his mind to say, but wait, yes, I do. Yes, I do want to do this. I do want to do this. I want this toy fixed, right? And maybe he doesn't want the learning process, he doesn't want to experience the difficulty of it, but he does want it fixed. And I am a firm believer again, everything that I teach my kids, like, mindset wise, is intentional because I'm a big believer that we can have whatever we want so long as we actually want it first of all. And I am a firm believer that there's always something that we want in everything that we do. I recorded a few episodes ago that I only do what I wanna do every single day. If you came over to my house at any point in time, I would only be doing what I want to do. Laundry, folding towels, mopping the floors, cleaning the walls, cooking a meal, taking. Going for a walk, taking my kids to an appointment, recording, podcast, making a reel. Like, whatever it is, if I'm working, if I'm with my spouse, if I'm with my kids, whatever it is, I'm only doing what I want to do when I want to do it. That's it. And I truly hope that my kids view the world the same way, view their life the same way. Maybe you don't want to sit down and write the paper, but you do want it done. You do want to submit it on time. You do want a grade that reflects your efforts. There's always something that you want in everything that you do. Are you willing to look for it? And to me, that changes your entire life. It opens up new perspectives that, again, you did not see before. So when I tell Liam, you know, you can. You just don't want to. It's okay if you don't want to, but you need to say, I don't want to, not that you can't, because you can. And I'm telling them this as he's, what, two and a half years old? Like, it's not like he's 12 years old. He's just two and a half. And he gets it. He gets it. Because our kids are wildly capable, and. And there are ways to explain things to them that they can get it. And if you don't feel like you're there yet, just keep trying. You'll find the best way to explain it to your kids. You really will. And it's so important. What's more important than what you say to them is what you're modeling through what you say, I want to do this. I can do this. I'm just learning how I can do whatever I want so long as I actually want it. If you start saying that around them, that will be their internal dialogue in their mind. Their wheels are always picking that up, and it's so powerful. And I hope that we can do that together, because I'm totally doing it with my kids every single day. I need to do another episode of what I teach my kids every single day. Like, the foundations of my personal parenting style when it comes to mindset, I guess, and what I teach them. But anyway, I could see Liam in that shift he was making. It's like he was focusing on what he does want because he just proved to himself, I do want to do this. I do. I didn't tell him that. I said, you can. It's okay if you don't want to. And he's like, well, I want to. Like, okay. Because now he's focusing on what he wants. Does he want to experience the frustration of learning? No. But does he want to fix that toy? Yes. Does he want to figure it out? Yes. Does he want to know that he can do it all by himself and he doesn't need mom to do it for him? Yes. That's part of his independence that feels good for him. So now he's approaching this toy with this new mentality of, I want to do this, I want to do this. I want to do this, I want to do this. I want to figure this out. And that's what his mind's doing instead of, I can't, and this is why, and it's too hard, and I won't figure it out, and I need my mom to do it. Instead of those thoughts, he has these empowered thoughts. It's not even about the freaking bright side, but look how much you're learning. It's not even about the bright side. It's about the empowerment. I can freaking do this. Even if I don't love the process, I can do this. I can get to the other side of it, and that is just incredible. It's incredible for us. It's incredible for them. And maybe right now you're going to start applying this in your own life. And you're like, I don't have kids to apply this to right now, but I am going to apply it in my own life for yourself. Good. I'm glad. I love that for you. So anyway, Liam, he just needed, like, one little shift. So after I told him, you can. You just don't want to. It's okay if you don't want to, but you need to say, I don't want to. Not that you can't do it, because you can. And I see this shift in him, and I ask him, do you want to do this? He said, yes, I want to do this. I'm like, okay, do you want me to show you another way? He said, yes. So I just tilt the screwdriver just a tiny bit, like, okay, try this way. And he got. And he got it like it was probably one more minute, and he totally freaking got it. And he was pumped. He was thrilled, and I was thrilled to see it. It's like we worked together mentally, physically, emotionally. We stayed in it together, we waited through it. And I got to exercise who I want to be as mother, because in those moments where my kids don't have a mentality that's supporting them, I want to be the mother that shows them the road again. We all. We all stray from the path. We all need someone to help us stay on track mentally. Seriously, we need someone that helps us see who we really are when we lose sight, who we truly want to become, when staying who we are is more comfortable. That person in your life is so valuable, and honestly, it's worth paying to even have it. If you feel like you don't really have a friend that's like that for you, A parent, a sibling, or anyone like that in your life, that's like that for you. Hire a coach. It is so worth it to invest in yourself, to have someone that can get your mind working with you again and to see these parts of you that you're struggling to see in yourself. It happens to me, too. It happens to me, too. I am a mindset coach. You guys. You guys. And honestly, it's. And I'm an identity coach. Like, I totally focus and work people with their identity, mindset, shame, and self love. Those are like the four pillars of my coaching. And I get them all working together. But to hear someone else help me is so just priceless. It's completely priceless. And I want you to view yourself as the coach for your kids, you're their first coach and start coaching yourself. And then when you get to a point where you're like, okay, I need help, then go hire out a coach for yourself. And maybe that's the first point is like, okay, I need to start with help. Great. Do that. Meet yourself right where you're at. But my point all this is there are endless skills and tools that we can be using with ourselves and our kids. And these two Responses to I can't and I hope this story helped a bunch too to put it into place make a big difference. So those two responses again are you can. You're just learning how. So you're reaffirming you can do this and you're helping them see where they're at, you're learning how and you can go on to tell them learning can feel really hard. Do you want to take a break? Do you want me to show you another way you can meet them right where they're at and still not reaffirm? I can't. And then the second response that we're that I personally love to use and you're welcome to use it too is you can. You just don't want to. It's okay if you don't want to, but you need to say I don't want to, not that you can't. So when I sent this out in an email last night to the Alignment Journaling community cuz again, every Monday I send you guys an email with just something incredible to help you with your mindset and depending on the topic of that month, like we've done birth, postpartum marriage, your relationship with yourself and now parenting, depending on the topic is kind of where the mindset stuff shifts to. As I sent that email out last night I got this response back and I just wanted to share it here just in case it's a place that your mind is going to as well. Johanna says hi. I loved this. I have a question though. What do you answer when they say I don't want to to something that you want them to do like clean up the toys or take their shoes to their winter overalls? Mostly the shoes my kids often use I can't to things they really don't want to do. If I help them shift to I don't want to, I don't know what to answer to help them in doing something that would like them to help out with that you would like them to help out with. Okay, Johanna, this is awesome. So remember that second response. Let's say your child says, I can't to putting on their shoes. And Liam has done that a million times, like when he was in that phase. Right. And again, I just. This is the response that I used. And now he does not say, I can't. He might tell me he doesn't want to, but that's more true than I can't. So I would rather my kids tell me I don't want to than I can't. So even them saying I don't want to is a positive shift. That's their empowerment. That's their choice. I can't doesn't feel like a choice. It feels like a limitation. We don't want our kids to fight for their limitation. We don't want ourselves to fight for our limitations. Right. We want to see we are the most empowered individuals. We can do anything that we really want to do, and we just need to decide if it's what we really want or not. So your kids even making the first shift of I don't want to is very great progress. Notice it as incredible progress. So they say, I can't to putting on their shoes. And you respond with, you can. You just don't want to. It's okay if you don't want to, but you need to say, I don't want to. Not that you can't, because you can. And then they respond with, fine, I don't want to. Great. I'm so glad that now you're seeing that this is something you can do. You just don't want to do that. There are lots of things in my life that I don't want to do, but what I really love to do is look for what I do want. And now you can teach them what I just taught you in this episode and in the a few episodes ago. Look for what you want. You're helping them with their mindset. Do you really want our kid? We don't want our kids to drag through life thinking that they always have to do things that they don't want to do because their parents make them, the teachers make them, their coaches make them. We're always doing what we don't want to do. I personally don't want my kids to view life that way. Maybe you feel the same way. If so, let's keep going. So you. You teach your kids. You know, there are things in life that I don't want to do, but what really helps me is looking for what I want to do. Sometimes I don't want to get out of bed and go work out or go journal. Sometimes I don't want to do that, but I do want to feel my best. So I get out of bed and I go journal because I know that that's going to help me feel my best. So right now, maybe you don't want to put on your shoes. And you know what? I get it. I get it. I love to be barefoot. Like, find that connection piece with them. Let them know I'm on your team. I'm just here to help find that connection piece sometimes. You know, I love to be barefoot, too, but do you want to get thorns in your toes? Cuts on your feet? Do you want your feet to get. I mean, maybe they don't even care about being dirty. I guess it just depends on your child. But help them see what happens when they don't wear their shoes and ask them if that's what they want. And if they say, no, I don't want thorns in my toes. Okay, so you don't want thorns in your toes, which means you do want to wear shoes. You don't want to put them on, and I totally get that. But you do want to wear them because they keep the thorns from getting in your toes. And you help them see that this really is what you want to do. And maybe they still fight you. No, no, no. I don't want to wear shoes. Okay. Okay. And that's when you can draw your boundary. Because our main job as parents is to keep our kids safe. So just because they don't want to do something, they don't want to go to bed, they don't want to take a bath, they don't want to brush their teeth. That doesn't mean. That's the choice. Like, that doesn't mean that's what we're going with. That's their perspective. And that's okay. I just fully encourage you as the parent to teach them about what they're saying. And they can, you know, they can say it how they want to say it, but just empower them with more ways to say that. Doesn't sound like a limitation on themselves. You can do it. You just don't want to. Well, I don't want to. I get it. Sometimes I don't want to wear shoes either, but I also don't want thorns in my toes. So I actually do want to wear shoes sometimes I just don't want to put them on. And maybe your child responds really well when you get silly and playful and you're like, okay, do you want me to pick you up and plop you in your shoes or do you want to lay on your back with your legs kicking in the air and see if I can get your shoes on you? And if you don't want to go through all that, fine, that's your choice. I'm just showing you the options. You could also ask them, okay, do you want to stay barefoot a little bit longer and we can put your shoes on when we get there? My kids usually respond really well to that. They don't want to put their shoes on in the car, but they do want to go barefoot and just put their shoes in the car so we have the shoes when we need them to go to the store. And you can just continue expanding this however you feel it's needed. And then by time you get to the store and they want to go in the store or they want to go do something, they want to go play at the park, they want to get out of the car, just let them know, okay, awesome. All we got to do is put our shoes on. I'm going to put my shoes on, lace them up, whatever, and then I'm going to help you put your shoes on. You can do it yourself if you'd like. Nope, we're not going in until we have shoes on. You can do it or I will do it for you. It is time to put shoes on. I do that with my kids, too. So I can teach my kids mindset, I can empower them and I can be right by their side and prioritize their health and safety, because that's my job as their mom, to prioritize their health and safety. So sometimes there are just choices that we make that they don't love. They don't love the choice, but it is for their safety. And it's not a terrible thing to put the shoes on your kid. Right? And anyway, so you can take this, whatever which way you want to expand it further. Try these practices out with your kids. Remember, if they tell you I can't, you can respond with one of two things. Depending on the circumstance. You want to make it appropriate for the circumstance. Because if they are learning how to do it, you don't want to tell them. You don't want to. Like, you want to make sure this is something that they can totally do and validate them. You're learning how to. Learning can feel hard. And then if it's something that you know very well that they can do, like, Liam, it's like, I know very well that you can do this. You're just feeling frustrated by your own thoughts at this point, then it's you don't want to. You can, you just don't want to. It's okay if you don't want to, but you need to say I don't want to. Not that you can't do it, because you can. And even if they respond with I don't want to, that is great progress. Congratulate them. Appreciate that in them. Thank you. Thank you for saying you don't want to. Because now you see, you can do whatever you want to do so long as you actually want it. You can always figure out what you want to do and how to do it. And you can be that advocate in their corner and practice this for yourself as well. If you find yourself saying I can't apply these two things to yourself and see if it makes a difference, you can, you just don't want to. Or you can, you're just learning how. But I hope this episode serves you tremendously. I'm going to wrap it up here and of course I will see you next week because I am freaking devoted to 2023 in the podcast and now we've made it all through January getting these episodes posted and I'm excited for February. Okay, love you friends and I'll see you soon. Thank you for joining me on this week's episode. If you enjoyed the podcast, don't forget to subscribe and share it. I love spreading the message of how positivity can come in so beautifully to help you through your journey of self discovery and healing. I'm cheering for you. I believe in you and I'll talk to you really soon.