44. Three Things I Teach My Kids Everyday

Hello, my beautiful friend, and welcome to the Mind Body Alignment podcast. I'm your host, Tessa Romero, and also your coach. I'm here to teach you powerful skills and tools to not only know who you are, but how to become exactly who you want to be with a mindset that finally supports you. I'm so grateful that you're here. Let's get started. Oh my Lanta. It has been a fierce February so far. Anybody else sharing that person perspective with me about February? It is freaking fierce. It's fierce. I have learned and grown so much this month. I was about to say this year that's what it's actually felt like. This month I have been able to learn and grow so much, and I'm so grateful, but I am just sincerely looking forward to March. But for those of you coming to the Revive retreat, I'll see you in just a couple days. And for everybody else that's like, what's the Revive retreat? Oh, man, friends, I started hosting retreats. I know. Isn't that so exciting? And my first one is this week and I am literally buzzing. I am just like radiating this energy about it. I'm so freaking pumped. All the pieces are in place and I head over there in just a couple days to spend three days with women from all over, literally all over the country to work on their self discovery and healing work to better enrich and enhance their mindsets. I know, I know. My next retreat will be the end of September. So whenever you're listening to this end of September, um, enrollment for it will be in May, so watch out for that. Make sure you're on my email list because you guys get the first dibs to details. Following on Instagram is another great way too at Tess Romero underscore. But this episode, this episode is going to serve you right where you're at. Regardless if you're coming to my retreat or if February has been freaking fierce teaching you all kinds of things. I am going to tell you the three things that I make sure that I teach my kids every single day because I believe that it's just foundational for their mindset and they will be able to use it for a lifetime. Are you ready? Doesn't that sound amazing? Okay, so we're gonna dive in. If you have the alignment journaling course. We have been talking about some of these in the Monday emails that I've been sending out to you. And if you're like, oh my gosh, I have the journaling course, but I haven't gotten the emails, that's okay. Get your email hooked up, subscribe to make sure that you get those on Mondays, but they're also saved to the journaling course account. And I am going to give you guys a little bit of a sneak peek right now. I have some really fun things coming. Some really fun things. Some changes are gonna be made and I'm stoked. It's all growth, it's all good, and it all provides more to you. And I feel like in the past almost five years now that I've been coaching, that's just the way that it goes. Like, I feel like, okay, this is the way I'm gonna do things forever. And then I find a new way. And I'm like, actually we're changing that around. So that's where we're at right now. We are at the changing that point. So that is coming to the alignment journaling course for Mind body alignment. All kinds of good things. So the podcast, though, the podcast, we're talking about this today. The three things that I teach my kids every single day as a mindset coach. And I want you to be able to teach your kids too, because I believe parenting mindset is just so freaking valuable. And the opportunity that we have to teach our kids things just by what we're modeling and the way that we're able to communicate to them is literally life changing for them. It is just such a solid foundation for them to not only stand on, but to build on. Imagine, like, what your life would feel like if you had this amazing mindset going into adulthood. If you had this incredible mindset that fiercely supported you. You knew exactly who you are, your thoughts were just thriving, and your mind felt like a freaking beautiful garden growing up there. And everything just felt so good mentally that whenever circumstance came up, you felt in control of yourself. You felt in control of the narrative you were telling yourself and what you were choosing to do next. Wouldn't that be amazing? That's what I want for our kids. Because I don't know about you, but I, I a little bit missed out on that coming into adulthood. But that's okay. So let's dive in. The first thing that I make sure I emphasize teach and model to my kids every single day is who you are. Oh, my gosh. I've even done podcast episodes on this. So those you are statements that we use. But really helping my kids see who they truly are, because they're still figuring it out. And who knows them better than my husband and I? The people that are with them the very, very most, like your kids Are literally a part of you. They came right from your body. How amazing is that? And even if they didn't come right from your body, that's okay. They are your kids. They're your children. You know them so well. You know them so well, so you are bad. Or if they say I am bad, it's just false. It's completely false. Even if they make bad choices, that does not mean that they themselves are bad. That's actually shame. And we don't want to use shame as a tool to try and change people, because it doesn't. That's not what shame is ever going to do. We're never going to shame something or someone into something that we can love or we're not going to hate ourselves into a version of us that we love that doesn't know. That's not going to work. So when we are focusing on who our kids are, I want you to think of like the smiley, giggly baby, the curious baby, the adventurous baby, the one that was willing to walk early to climb things, was so curious, would stare at an object for a while, was authentic, right? And would cry in a grocery store to have their needs met. Like, that's who our kids really are. Energetic, bright, bubbly, soft spoken, nurturing, gentle, curious, capable. I mean, there are just so many descriptive ways that we can help our kids see who they really are. And I want you to focus on those traits, those qualities about them that are just unique to them. And you've seen it since day one. Like, I. I say that Liam is my tender heart. So Liam is the friendliest, friendliest kid I've ever met in my entire life. He will say hi and make friends with anyone, absolutely anyone. It does not matter what they look like, where we meet them at. He just, he sees another kid and he's like, yes, another friend. Like, it's just his mind about it. He's so friendly. He and ever. And I saw that in him since he was a baby. When he was a baby, I would have him in the grocery store, grocery cart or like attached to me and he would wave to everybody, everyone. But he's also really tender. Liam's very tender because when someone wouldn't wave back to him, that would really just like, I would see it in his face. The way that he was thinking about someone not waving to him was really hurting him. And I. That was something that I needed to empower him with. The mindset stuff of why we wave to people in the first place, because we don't wave to people. So that they wave back to us, but we wave to people to help them feel seen, to help them feel just appreciated and acknowledged that day. And that's such a gift for us to give to other people, even if they're not ready to give it back to us. And teaching him that mindset, there's been a total shift. And I taught him that when I started telling him that when he was like two. So I've been teaching him that and using those. Using those times where people don't wave back as my opportunities. Right. This is my chance to teach him and reinforce this mindset instead of allowing it to create this untrue narrative in his head about how people don't like him. He doesn't have friends. Like, it would be so easy for him to take those experiences and make predictions about how people are not kind. He can't make friends. No one wants to be around him. And those are personally thoughts that I've had in my mind. So this is why, though, you as a mother, having a mindset that is just powerful, unstoppable, very clear in. In the direction that you're taking it, that's so valuable not only to you, but to your kids as well, because in those hard moments where you see their face just, like, crushed and you can see that and it's so hard to face, you can help them in that moment, just like I was able to help Liam. And now, I mean, he will wave to people still, but there's no, like, there's no story going on in his mind about how he's not good enough if someone doesn't wave back. Because in his mind, from me sharing this perspective with him because he didn't have it on his own. And in his mind, he waves to people to help them feel seen and acknowledged and valued. And that. That's how I want to live my life. I want to wave to people not because I want to be waved to, but because I want someone to feel seen, acknowledged, and valued that day. And I just. I love that. I love mindset work so much. So good. But anyway, Liam is very friendly, but he's also very tender. He's very, very outgoing, very athletic, very energetic, super creative. Imag like, that's just who he is. He. He has all. He has everything that he needs to be exactly who he wants to be inside of him. And my job is to take that seed and just give it what it needs to grow. I don't want to change the seed. You don't want to change the seed. So your children are the seed. And you guys should probably know that I am a big, big fan of gardening. I love to garden. I literally have a jar, a glass jar of green bean seeds from my garden this past fall. I had Drew at the end of July. Then we went to Hawaii for a month. And I just really kind of neglected my garden during the season that I was meant to be harvesting. I neglected it, but, you know, I just had a baby and I just didn't care. I love the process of growing and everything about it, but, yeah, a lot of green beans were dried up on my. On my green bean bush. And then when I finally got around to, like, cleaning up the garden, preparing it for winter, there was all the green beans on there. So I literally just collected all the dried green beans, put them in a huge stainless steel bowl, took them inside, and my boys and I popped them open to get the seeds out. And they're these beautiful white seeds. And then we took all the seeds and we put them in a glass jar. And now that glass jar is on a shelf in my living room. The reason why I love seeds so much is because I just love the analogy of them, the story behind them. That seed is everything that it needs to be to grow into exactly what it's meant to be. And it starts so small. It starts without the beautiful blossoms. It starts without the characteristics of what makes that plant that plant. It's just the seed. It's just the seed. But as soon as you plant it in the right soil and you give it that sunshine and you give it that water and it has the right nutrients, it grows, it blooms. You don't have to change the seed. We just need to nurture it and then it will grow. Right? So imagine that your kids are the seed. They are their own unique seed. We're not all green beans. We're not all roses. We're not all tulips and bulbs and tomato plants. I mean, seriously, guys, have you ever seen a tomato seed? That itty bitty tiny, super small seed can turn into an enormous tomato plant. Just mind blowing. One green bean seed can literally climb an entire trellis that I built for it. It's insane. When it has the right nutrients, the right environment. So that's what I believe. Like, my job as a mother is not to change the seeds that I've been given. It's to plant them, to nurture them and to watch them grow into who they're meant to be. So when we are encouraging our kids to know exactly who they are, don't try to change the seed. Look at the seed that you have and admire it for what it is. And that's. That's what it is for your kids. And like Luke, he is my brave heart. Luke is. Gosh, he's so different from Liam, and it's so funny and amazing ways, but he's very strong willed. He's brave, he's courageous, he's extremely independent. Um, he. From what I've seen so far, he does. He's okay, like playing on his own. Whereas Liam loves to play with others, Luke loves to play by himself, just with a car. And I love that they're so different. And Drew. Drew's my happy heart. So I have a Liam is my kind heart. Luke is my brave heart, and Drew is my happy heart. Like, Drew is just. He is so chill. He's just go with the flow. He loves to talk and babble and smile, and he reminds me a lot of Liam. He really does. So anyway, I want you to look at who your kids really are and know that you know them better than anyone else. So any chance that you have to reaffirm who they really are, that identity, you are friendly, you are brave, you are kind, you are gentle, you are creative, you are energetic, you are compassionate, you are lovely, beautiful, and like, bubbly, bright. Just what. However you want to describe that. But remember that the you are statements that you use with your kids, they internalize it to I am statements, and that becomes their self talk. So just know that this is not something to be taken lightly. It really is the first thing that I emphasize teaching my kids every single day. The first thing that I'll correct if I hear I am mad, I am bad, I am angry. Like anything, any I am statement, I will correct every single one of those, and I will never stop. I am willing to repeat myself because it matters that much to me, and I would rather my kids be vocal about it than just think it and not tell me. So it's really not a bad thing if you hear your kids saying it because they are vocalizing what they're thinking, and that's very, very helpful for you than if they were quiet about it and you didn't even know that that's what they're thinking. So the first thing, who you are. The second thing, this is a good one. Are you ready? There's always something you can do. So if I hear my kids saying I can't, I've shared with you guys the two ways that I approach I can't if they're doing it basically because they're learning how to do something or because they don't want to do something. I have two back pocket ways that I respond. But really, I just want to instill this mentality of there's always something I can do, always something I can do. So if they're saying, you know, I can't because they're learning how to do something, I use you can. You're just learning how. And then I'll offer. I'll offer help. Sure. Like, I'm totally fine with that. I just want to instill the thought of, I can do this. I'm just learning how I can take a break, I can come back, I can ask for help, I can try it this way, I can turn it around. Like, I can use a different tool, whatever. And the second way, if they say I can't because they don't want to do something, I tell them, you can. You just don't want to. It's okay if you don't want to, but I need you to tell me that you don't want to, not that you can't do it, because I know you can do it. And just helping them make that distinction is so valuable because as they grow older, we don't want them to confuse not wanting to do something with not being able to do something, because those are two completely different things. And we get to teach that to them right now. So there's always something you can do. If your kids are faced with a problem, encourage that. Encourage that. If they're just saying I can't because they haven't figured it out yet, encourage you can. We just haven't figured out yet. You can. You're just learning how you can. There's always something we can do. Even walking away is something we can do. If they ever tell you there's nothing I could do, maybe they're a little bit older or right now, I don't know. But if they're saying there's nothing I can do, encourage, lead by example. Give them a new narrative that they haven't been able to see themselves. That's a lot of the work that I do. Friends, right here is I provide narratives and perspectives that are often missed. And to me, it's like solving a Rubik's cube. It's solving a puzzle. I just think it's so fun to look for new perspectives. And that's why all of my work is just really so fun to me. I love to do it, and it. It never feels like something that I don't want to be doing, if that makes sense. Like, it's really easy for me to find what I want to do in every area of my work because it, it leads to that, that fun game of solving puzzles, solving Rubik's Cube. I actually don't know how to solve a Rubik's Cube like a real one, but if there was a mindset Rubik's Cube, I'd for sure solve it. So that's good. Um, but there's always something you can do, so I really encourage that and reaffirm it in my boys. That every opportunity that I get during the day, when it looks like there's an obstacle or a challenge, um, I really view it as like, this is my chance to prove that there's always something we can do, always. And then finally, the one that I really love to teach my boys is no one makes you. Now, this one, I believe, is, is just as important as the other two, 150,000%. And it really empowers our kids to be focusing on their own empowerment, but the ownership piece of life as well. So right now it seems like, oh, they're little. This is simple, right? If they're saying, oh, you make me mad, you make me sad, it's okay, it's totally valid. And we want to hold space for those emotions. Emotions always have room to be felt. They're just not leaders. So we're teaching our kids to distinguish the difference between, like, yes, you feel this way, but these are the choices that you're making, and you are not your feelings. Your feelings are not the leaders. We are not just a reaction to the way that we feel. We are. We still have the power to control our choices, our thoughts, and what we say to other people. And obviously this isn't going to be like, clear cut, easy, simple right from the get go. I know a lot of adults, myself included, that are still implementing and learning how to do this. But when you're teaching your kids this from the very beginning, really enforce that and model it yourself. Do not use language that says, you make me mad. If you say that to your kids, which I'm not judging. If you have, I'm empowering you to make changes. It's okay if you've used this language in the past. Why? Because no one's perfect. One, no one's perfect. Two, it's amazing that you have allowed yourself to catch the actions, the thoughts that no longer align with who you want to be, and you empower yourself to change because that is so much more relatable for your kids. And than seeing someone, especially a parent, that was perfect. Their entire life never showed any evidence of hardship or learning. And faced with difficult challenges and correcting ourselves, apologizing. It is so much better for our kids and for ourselves to be imperfect and to own that. To own that. And if you hear your kids say, you make me mad, and you're like, oh, my gosh, I taught them how to do that. Don't worry, I'm going to help you out right now. If you hear your kids say that and you know, like, okay, that is something that I've said. Maybe they've picked that up from me. Whatever. Validate that. Hey, bud, I know you've heard Mommy say that lots and lots and lots of times. Did you know that? I really thought people could make me mad. I really thought that. I really thought that you or daddy or the neighbor, whatever, could make Mommy mad. But then I just learned something. I just learned that no one can make me mad. That it's okay when I feel mad, but no one can make me mad. And when we just help them distinguish that difference of I feel mad instead of pointing the finger of blame on someone else, that finger of blame, blaming, complaining, and justifying are three red flags for a victim mentality. We do not want to instill or nurture a victim mentality in our kids, especially since we know they're going to be faced with hardship throughout their life. They're going to be faced with temptation, they're going to have poor influences. It's just the reality of it. So instead of fearing the reality, we are equipping ourselves with how we're going to handle it, starting right now. Leading by example. No one makes me. And teaching our kids, no one makes you. Mom, you make me sad. Sweetheart, you feel sad, and I want to help you when you feel sad. You don't like the choice that Mommy made. I said we're not having chocolate right now, and I mean it. We are not having chocolate right now. And you feel sad about that, and that's okay. And just helping him explain, like, where this perspective, the other perspective, instead of blame. Instead of blame, yes. I'm owning my part in it. My partner. I'm not allowing chocolate right now. This is what we can have. These are our options. This is when we're having dinner. Whatever the reason, I can own that without saying, you shouldn't feel sad, right? Or I don't make you sad, you shouldn't feel sad. Like, it's not about that. We want to be on the same page as our Kids, we want to be in a team so that we can work together, grow together, learn together, but do it in a way that you take total ownership and you allow your kids the opportunity to take their ownership too, and see how just how powerful they are. So another reason why this is so important to me, and it's something I talk about with my husband all the time with, like, the making me stuff, because honestly, I don't. I mean, we're still learning how to parent on the same page a hundred percent. And that's okay because we. We know what matters most, and we work together to get to a place where there's mutual understanding and we can at least know the. The next best step. We may not know the exact outcome, but we can know the next best step when we work together. And it's okay if we don't share the same perspectives, but I share my perspective in the sense of, you know, if we're teaching our kids that someone can make you scream. Like, for example, Luke is my wild heart. He's very assertive. He is very courageous and independent and. And yes, that's. That's my lucky doodle. Um, and he just does not care if people like him. So he's. He's very, very authentic. And I'm just laughing because that's just who he is. And accepting that for who he is has been so much easier than trying to fight it. So anyway, Luke will scream. Like, if. If Liam does something that Luke doesn't like, he will scream flat out scream at the top of his lungs. Liam. No, Liam, like, he just screams and screams and screams. And we have approached in the past, like, Liam stop making Luke scream. And that was a huge shift that we needed to make in our parenting. Was not making it one of our kids faults, that the other child is choosing to do something because one is just ridiculous. Because Liam can't make Luke scream. There's just no way he can make him scream. Luke is choosing to scream. And when we put the blame on Liam, well, we're nurturing a victim mentality in Liam because he knows that he can't make Luke scream. And what is he supposed to do when Luke decides to scream? Like, he also can't make him stop screaming. And we're taking away the opportunity for Luke's empowerment and his ownership. So that way, one day, maybe he wants to stop screaming. Maybe he wants to change the way that he responds. Well, if he believes that other people make him scream, how is he gonna change? How is he gonna stop? When does he get to choose to do something different. And that's why I'm a big advocate of no one makes us. We are in. We are responsible for what we think, say and do. And when you really take ownership of that instead of, well, you make me mad. If someone can make you mad, they can keep you mad. They can make you mad again. And who decides when you get to feel better? This is why that ownership piece is just. It's so, so valuable. And it's really changed my life. So anyway, we've been approaching it differently because the way I see it is like, okay, if. If Liam can make Luke scream and we're. We. We can justify that, like, we're justifying it right now. Would we justify our kids coming home one day saying, oh, they made. Like, My friends made me drink alcohol. My friends made me smoke a cigarette. My friends made me steal from a gas station. My friends made me bully someone. My friends made me do xyz, which was just a really bad choice. No, it would be completely. I will tell you this right now. I believe I am a firm mother. My kids know I'm very playful, I'm very energetic. I love to have fun. But. But I am also very firm. I. I say what I mean, and I mean what I say, and I will follow through. So if my kids were to come home and tell me, oh, this person made me bully someone, or made me. Made me send a mean text, made me take a picture, made me do whatever. Absolutely not. No, I'm just not going to entertain that. I'm not. Because it's been such a principle in our home that no one makes us. And I would just not be okay with them being older, coming home, telling me a story like that. I mean, I want them to communicate with me. Don't get me wrong. I want them to be vulnerable and tell me these things, and I want to help them through. And I know they're not going to make perfect choices their whole life. I know that. But I want them to make the bad choice and then own that they made that bad choice. Mom, I really don't like that I made that choice. There we go. Mom, I really don't like that I said that mean thing to this kid. You're right. That's a really hurtful thing to say. So what are you going to do now? Because that's not who you are. You've always been my friend, my friendly, tender, outgoing, kind, compassionate boy. And you've always. You've always seen the best in people. You've always seen the Light in people. And you've always been a light for people. So whatever the reason was that you chose to do that, we need to work on what we need to change in our life so that our influences are better and we continue taking total ownership and we can make right by our wrongs the best that you can. If it means calling that person or writing them a letter or having that vul vulnerable conversation, like, I'm not by any means saying, oh, I'm gonna teach my kids that no one makes them. And then they're never gonna make these bad choices. No, I don't believe that. I think they will be more conscious and empowered in their choices. And I believe that when they do make a bad choice, which they will, they will have an easier time stepping back into ownership or doing it with ownership. And, you know, our mind. Our mind is a tricky place, guys. My goal is to really prepare my kids to have an incredible mindset that helps them even. I mean, that helps them throughout their life, but also helps them like prepare, like repair with themselves, repair a relationship themselves. Build. Build trust and empowerment and self worth back in themselves when they do make a bad choice, when they do let that bully in their mind get a little bit too loud when they stop mental practices that really, really serve them. I mean, I do all these things too. So anyway, with that third point of no one makes us and no one makes them, the reason why, the reason why I teach it to them so young is because I believe, like those beliefs that I teach them before the age of seven are foundational. And I would rather do everything that I can to focus and emphasize beliefs that have really changed my life. And that doesn't mean that I'm going to get it all right. I'm sure there's going to be a lot of repairing. I've accepted that as mother. But I'm going to try really hard. I'm going to try really hard to teach my kids all of the things that have changed my life and see just what they do with their life when that's the foundation that they're starting with. I think they're just going to, I mean, blow it out of the water, like really take their life to places that maybe I didn't even think was possible right here as I'm sitting recording this. And I want them to know who they are. I want them to know that there's always something that they can do and that no one makes them do anything, especially something that they're not proud of. So anyway, I hope that these Three parenting pillars, Mindset pillars help you and empower you just as much as they do in my home every single day. I really mean it when I say that I focus on these things every single day. I utilize UR statements like they are just medicine. I never want to use those as a weapon. That's like a huge boundary of mine is never, ever, ever, ever, ever use a UR statement that can be used as a weapon or like a threat or anything like that. I don't ever want to do that because I work with women. I've worked with women for years. I've had to do this with myself. Uprooting those beliefs as an adult is so hard. It is so hard, and that's valid, but it doesn't mean it's not possible. We don't need it to be easy. We just need it to be possible. And right now, as mothers, we have this beautiful opportunity, this gorgeous chance to see what a generation can look like when they're. When their mind is really nurtured and fueled with empowerment, positive self talk, resourcefulness, and encouragement every single day. I mean, I can only imagine what our kids are going to do. So I'm proud of you. I'm proud of where you're at. And no matter where you're at in your parenting journey, what you're trying to establish and still correct, repair, whatever, we're. We're all doing the best we can. And I believe that about you just as much as I believe about myself. You are doing the best you can to your mental and physical capacity. You don't know what you don't know. And. And if you learned anything new on this episode, take it and run with it. Forgive yourself for any time that you were out of alignment with the mother that you want to be, because there's always a reason that we're outside of alignment. And like I said in the beginning, shaming yourself is not going to grow you or turn you into a version of you that you can really, really love and build on. So there's no shame here. Really, you are fantastic, and you're doing what you know how to do. So I hope that you learned something that you want to begin, imply, implement, applying in your home. And remember, those three points are who you are. That's what we're teaching our kids, who you are. There's always something you can do, and no one makes you. So I'm proud of you, Mama friend. I'm so excited for this first retreat. Oh, my gosh. And our next one is in September in Destin Florida. There will be 16 spots available for revive. That's retreat and enrollment will open up in May and then I have my last group coaching session of this year beginning in June. That one is going to be our biggest, our biggest group yet. I am going to be putting a cap on it and I have some coaches that are going to be helping me run it as well. I'm really excited for that. We're going to keep Kelsey around to be running our breath work for us. That's going to be fantastic. She's done such an incredible job so you can really be focusing on getting your mind and body into alignment. Love you dearly and I will talk to you next week. Thank you for joining me on this week's episode. If you enjoyed the podcast today, forget to subscribe and share it. I love spreading the message of how positivity can come in so beautifully to help you through your journey of self discovery and healing. I'm cheering for you. I believe in you and I'll talk to you really soon.